• A Dom, a woman, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down and there were only 4 parachutes between the 5 of them. The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the Dom grabbed one and jumped. The pope selflessly told the woman to take the last one, but she said, “It’s OK your Popeliness, there are still 2 parachutes left …. that Dom guy took my backpack

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.

This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

Women tell her boyfriend gynecologist

said she couldn't have sex for 2 weeks boy friend asks what did your dentist say 

True Story.

Cop is sitting on a rural road with his radar gun when a women blast through it and gets pulled over

Cop come up to the  car and says ormal stuff why so fast and so on, women says she has to get to work. JUst what do you do he asks, I'm a rectum streacher she says, How do you do that

you put in one finger the two soon all five and then the hand then the other hand then spread them apart can streact it out to about six feet

what in the hell are yoou gonna do with a 6 ft ass hole the cop asks,

put him on a rural road at the bottom of a hill with a radar gun

Fine 385.00

court cost 145.00

look on cops face priceless

Joe complains to Mike his elbow hurts..he should go see a doctor Mike says, go to the Wal Mart Dr.. its a machine u dump a little bit of a urine sample in and it tells u whats wrong with u, so Joe figured he’d give it a try! Joe goes to the Walmart Dr and dumps his urine in the slot. After 30 secs the Dr prints out a report that read…”u have tennis elbow, take some alieve & avoid heavy lifting” later that night joe wondered if he could mess with the Walmart Dr..so he mixed a little of his house tap water..some puppy stool…urine samples from both his daughter and wife…and a little semen sample of his own…took it back to the Walmart Dr…dumped it in the slot. After about a 1 min it printed the report… Your tap water is to hard buy softener aisle 7…ur puppy has worms…buy meds aisle 3…ur daughter is addicted to crack put her in rehab…ur wife is prego w/twins…their not urs…get a lawyer…and quit jacking off or your elbow will never get better!! Thank you for shopping Walmart!!!

Blonde pushes her BMW into the mechanics, tells him it won't run, mechanic messes with it for about 10 minutes, its running perfect, what's the story the blond asks,"crap in the fuel injection, How often do i have to do that??? the blond asks

When i turned 18 and went off to college i got a partime job at Wal mart. When day the greeter didn't come in so i took his place, while there a women over weight and raising hell and bitching at her 2 kids came in, Good evening i sure think your twins, are good looking, cussing at me she said this ones 7 and the other is 4, pardon me i said i thought they were twins because i didn't think someone would sleep with you twice. I lasted about 2 houas a greeter and 3 days as an Walmart associate,

3 repentent thieves die and find themselves in front of the pearly gates, what are you doing here,Peter says, Hey we've confessed our sins so here we are, Peter says let me talk to God about this, So Peter goes to God and tells hime there are3 thieves wanting to come in to heaven, If they have repented they may enter the Lord tells Peter, Peter goes back calls god and says they are gone what the thieves God asks, No the gates Peter reples

young nurse named janince working in the old folks home, every time she walked into old man's don's room he would get a hardon, one day she came in and he told her mr happy dies, and that wouldn't happen anymore. next day he's walking down the hall with a limp mr happy hanging out for all to see, I thought me happy sied she said, he did this is the viewing

Older guy was working out at the gym when he spotted a young hottie, working out too. He asked the trainer what machine could i use to impress that nice young thing. The trainer looked him up and down, finally said the ATM in the lobby

Because of the economic downturn, high prices of electricity.oil and gasoline, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off

Two lesbian frogs are talking, one says to the other we do taste like chicken

Guy brings flowers home to his gf. oh she says i'm gonna have to spread my legs now, why he says don't you have a vase

hear about the Bin Laden drink???? two shots and a splash of water

Farm Joke

Young man 18 is bringing a heifer to the next door farm to have it mated by the bull, when he gets there the only on at home is the farmers daughter, so they put the heifer inthe corall and the bull starts doing his thing, the boy is getting all excited, looking over the daughter and watching the procedings of the two animals, he finaly gets up enough nerve and says to her Boy i sure would like to do that, she answers go ahead its your heifer

guy i know said he was doing  twins i asked him how he told them apart, said one has a mustache

)K here's another. heard this one in a chat room that used to be on cm, a long time ago,

Guy goes to the doctor, Doc i got these terrible headaches, can't do a thing there so bad, Doc checks him over, runs a bunch o tests, says i got bad news, your balls are pushing against your spinal cord and causing these headaches. The only cure and i talked it over with other doctors is casteration, the guy is so desperate alright do it. So after its all done the guy feels great, sleeps well, can work, so he wants to go to a fancy restaurant and celebrate but he needs a new suit, goes in the tailors, tailor takes one look at him and says, size 48 coat, guy says yes thats amazing tailor says been in this business fifty years, shirt is a 16, sure is the guy says, pants are 36, guy says got ya they are 34's tailor says no way if they were that size your balls would be pressing against you spinal cord and you would have terrible headaches

Here's a joke

Heart surgeon died and at the cemetary everyone noticed his tomb shaped like a big heart, after the ceremony, the heart opened and in went the casket, to be enshrined forever in a big heart, one man another doctor strted laughing uncontrolably, "I'm sorry he said i was just thinking of my funeral i'm a gynecologist, the doctor next to him fainted, he is a proctologist

seems the grammar police want me to correct the grammar in my profile, so since it just 2 subbies that want me to do that, and males at that, now if it was a hot-assed female Domme or sub, i just might do it

got chat to work great on here, if you ask for my yahoo, please take into consideration, that sometime i have more folks there than a lot of chatrooms,ok

See now i got to download a new thingy to get on the chat rooms, no biggy but i'm just tired of downloading crap, i hope the chats have a great time, bye