So first, let me explain a bit.
Things with my Former Daddy and I officially ended about 2 months ago tho for Him they were over for at LEAST 6 months or more. I really don't know. Things did not end well. He lied to me and led me on the entire time until I finally broke it off myself. I am very hurt and very angry. I won't go into details.
Before things ended, it was in December since I had had ANY intimate contact or play. So naturally I was in a state of severe neglect physically. I recognized early on that I was experiencing "sub frenzy". I had never experienced this before so after lots of reading and questioning and research, I decided that getting out into my local community and meeting others in the L/s would be the best course to finding the release and re-centering that I needed in a safe, sane and healthy manner. (Super big girl decision there. With my mental issues, impulse control has never been my strong suite)
My search led to munches and dungeon play parties where I met several wonderful people and had a chance to tell my story and get references to people that might be able to help me. Now, I should point out that I was fully aware of what I wanted to achieve and what I thought might be the best way to do that. I decided a good, intense "therapy spanking" was what I needed.
Enter Mr. Bob and His 2 beautiful ladies. A super awesome Dom that was recommended to me thru Mr. Michael who runs the local munches and play parties in my area. After speaking with Him personally and explaining my situation, He was more than happy to assist.
I was of course super nervous. No one had ever spanked me aside from my former Daddy. And that was almost always sexual in nature. This was not meant for sexual feelings nor actual physical enjoyment. I needed this. I am a self harmer. I have been since i was maybe 12. I have always used pain for emotional relief but in a bad way.
I knew there would be a lot of emotions and thoughts going thru my head during and i KNEW there would be tears. I also knew my aftercare would not be the comforting safe arms of or listening to the rhythmic beat of my former Daddys heart.
It was SUPER emotional. I was angry. Angry that this had to come from someone other than my former Daddy. I was sad. Sad that it was not my former Daddy giving me the relief I so desperately needed from the emotional position that He put me in. There were a LOT of tears. But I knew this would happen.
I tried very hard to simply relax and focus on the music and the sensations my body was experiencing. It didn't quite work as I had hoped but I was able to get there a time or two at least. The non physical psychological aftercare was exactly what I needed at that time and it was perfect.
At the end of it all, It was a very good experience. I do feel some better. I am pretty sure that I will need at least 2-3 more sessions to get to where I need to be on this journey but at least i'm on my way. |