I generally blow off people that fall out of communication with me and attempt to re-enter my life... However, someone I met that lived on the East Coast years ago contacted me here after some time. Though, we liked eachother, we eventually fell out of communication because of distance. There was nowhere that could have gone. At first, I did not recall him and his profile did not have a clear face-shot but we exchanged pleasanries. At first, I thought he had me mistaken for someone else... But once he shared photos of himself, immediately recalled him And part of his old screen name.. Though I could not remember what we'd talked about, I remembered very positive feelings toward him. He asked how I was and let me know that he relocated... to California...relatively close to me! So I decided to give him my cell... Good call! We spent a good part of the weekend chatting... and met up! I'm so glad that we reconnected. We got along well and came to realize that we also share the same profession. Small world! Looking forward to seeing how this all unfolds. 

Happy New Year to all... May you leave behind all of the negative things 2012 brought to you and bring the happiness and triumphs along as you conquer 2013!

I really appreciate wit and charm... Diggin' the vibe of a fellow dominant who initiated contact. I wonder where this will go?

Getting things back in perspective for myself...I have consciously decided not to communicate with kitty for a bit as I sorted my own thoughts... she shared that she has known of some D/s couples that once they reached our level of intimacy, the D/s aspect was ruined so I had to dedicate some thought to this as I have never had a sub that I have care for like this... I can see how loving a sub could potentially ruin the dynamic as one might start to hold back. And, I had to really reflect on this considering my last encounter with her.  She saw a side of me one rarely sees...emerge. Questions such as: "Should I hold back certain feelings? Would I hold back in play? Could this happen to me?" swirled and swirled in my thoughts.

So, based on reflection and reading, I must assert that I love kitty but I am not in love with her... not in the traditional sense nor could I ever. I can'tsee having a relationship outside of bdsm for various reasons... However, I do find our interactions meaningful as of late. And, that affords me a level of intimacy I crave while still maintaining proper roles. I am very clear on who I am, what I am about... and what I want. I am always considerate to the ones with which I play and honor the gift that is given to me as I hope they cherish mine in return.

Though she is a prized partner, I do not foresee a softening that will inhibit play. In fact, I feel that because she has seen my softer side, that she will appreciate every time I spat, spank, slap or fuck her that much more. And, in turn, it affords me a level of trust to further explore other interests that are in the fringes.

It is clear that we will have a different kind of loving the next time we see each other to keep us both centered, though. What do do, what to do? ;)

Words cannot convey the depth of emotion experienced, however I will try my best to share this moment as promised. Hopefully, my words will do it justice. 

Saturday started with a meeting of the She Girl Alpha Bitch club members. Much laughter, food and margaritas were shared. The food was very good but the company is what made the night. We ended up seeing a movie in Dublin and as the evening with the girls was coming to a close, I made sure to message my girl to see if schedules could coordinate.

Throughout the day, I'd been messaging with my kitty and hoping that schedules would mesh and that we'd enjoy some time together.  However, when I am with the friends, I never know what to expect so double-booking rarely works. The girls were tired... so was I but I wanted to see my kitty because our schedules have not allowed us any time together... and I really had been missing her. I suggested we meet closer to where live. kitty confirmed that she could make it so I made my way home. 

I waited for her at our meeting place as I arrived a bit earlier. kitty opened the car door for me and we made our way to book a room as I took her hand. While there, a young man resembling Chumlee from Pawn Stars, made conversation with me. I must agree with him that he was MUCH better looking, though. We were then given a key and made our way to the room. 

Once the door closed, I took kitty into my arms. she returned with an even tighter embrace. I am the perfect height for kitty to rest her chin on my head and it seemed that we were seamlessly united, curled into each other.... that somehow where I began and she ended were blurred. If we would have been any tighter, I suppose that we would have been Siamese twins! 

This would be the first time I would see my kitty dressed as a girl and it was quite exciting to me! As instructed, kitty quickly showered and came out clad in a pair of ruffled panties... I loved them on her... as she put on her stockings, I coached her on how to do it as a real woman would... as I finger-combed her wig. I helped her with her shoes... black stillettos with locked ankle straps... amazing... her legs went on for miles.    After I put her wig on I caressed kitty's face and cupped her face in my hands, admiringly as I took in the vision and she looked away, smiling shyly. And, I took a few pictures for later enjoyment. 

No lie, my first instinct was to take her for hours... but that was not the vibe. So, I went with what felt right. It seemed like she needed to be held and I have learned not to go against my gut feelings as forced situations rarely work out well. So, I held her oh so tight and then exploring her with my lips.. I started with gentle kisses on her shoulder and then lightly biting and nibbling her neck as my hands explored her... later depositing sweet little pecks all over her. 

I then, allowed for her to explore me in a similar fashion. her hungry mouth and probing hands touched my every inch. She asked permission to touch my femininity which I granted and she masturbated me to a wave of four of the softest, sweetest, relaxing orgasms I have ever experienced. I then drifted off into a blissful sleep, cuddling my baby. 

That girl must have had an erection all night as I could feel it as she crushed against me as we cuddled... At some point in the hours of twilight, I was roused out of sleep to feel wanting, wandering hands but soon fell back to sleep as it was so relaxing and kitty so gentle.

In the morning, kitty and I enjoyed some more cuddling and then told her to come to me. She had been so lovely as to bring me to orgasm I wanted her to have a bit of relief. I rubbed myself on her, undulating beneath her urging her to follow suit. after some intense boning, my kitty asked permission to cum for me, which I granted... her seed being spewed onto my black lace cheeky shorts. I held kitty a bit more and soon after, we parted ways. 

It was a lovely time...  And, after the recent betrayal and loss of friendship of someone I considered a friend and the dark space I have been in since losing my mother, kitty gave me more than I am sure she knows... I needed that to ground me as much as she needed to feel secure in my arms. Thank you kitty for such a wonderful evening and for being what I need most in a person... being REAL. 

I made love to a beloved friend/sub... Sensual, sexual but no sex involved. Sooooo intense and gratifying. Thank you, my kitty. Love you. (I had a longer post but one wrong key stroke lost it all! Will share details later!) 

I appreciate the intent sympathetic messages; but truly, they are unnecessary. What was done is done... which means I am done. Sure, it stung...BUT it's in the past. Let's leave it there. That is where it belongs... I'd rather move on. :)

I am doing better than expected... taking it all in stride.  It's all good in the neighborhood! :D 

As I face the thoughts looming in my head, I have come to realize that the death of a friendship has to be one of the most painful things that a human must endure and it that parallel the pangs of intensity that one experiences as a loved one passes away.

This is further magnified when what you thought was a friendship slaps you with the intensity that only betrayal can bring.  Feeling like a fool, you are left dazed, wondering what happened, how and why with no hint of an answer in sight.

Replaying your meeting and subsequent interactions in your mind's eye, trying to recognize anything that could have hinted to such a sobering reality... Now all is in question and the only person that can explain what has happened falls silent, becomes a ghost and later a merely a shadow lurking in your thoughts...

You would think that you'd know someone after speaking to them for years to only discover you knew nothing... And, are left wondering if there was anything true or real.Your answers are whispered into your ear via the silence their lips hold. You don't need them to utter the words... or do you? I think that it varies by case. If you can spare yourself the torment, just let go. If you must proceed, accept the answer that you are given, even if you don't agree. Forgive them.

 But do not forget and deal with them accordingly. It's not your fault you have a heart, that you were honest or that you opened yourself to trust someone... You were being a friend... just as you should have been. The problem was with the other person. who did not respect or value the gift that you offered. Wash your hands of it and let Karma deal them their hand.

Most importantly, don't let them be the reason you dare not trust, become bitter or jaded. No one deserves that much power over you, your mind or your heart. In the big scheme of things, they don't matter.  You have to be able to live with yourself and others do no deserve to be treated as if they caused you harm nor should they kept at a distance that prevents a deep connection.  Though it is difficult, keep your heart open. The best revenge is to continue on and live a happy life without them. 

I don't even know anymore. I have nothing left to think, much less feel.

Missing someone... I wish I had some time to spare!

People never cease to amaze me. For the last few weeks, I'd hidden my account as I felt that I needed some time away. Day two of reactivation, the day I posted, I got a message from an old acquaintance asking how I was to which I responded that I was as ok as I could be. So then, he offered himself to play... or what I thought. Well, I politely declined and thought nothing more of it. I figured that he was inquiring about my post... Boy, was I mistaken!

Today I log on to find a response that he would take his money elsewhere. I go to reply, to let know that my declining was nothing personal and that right now I had no desire to do anything with anyone... I am just not in the right frame of mind... I discover that I was blocked!

Holy hot wings, Batman! This goes to show me this "old friend" is nothing more than "Somebody I used to know" (LOL,  bad pun, I know BUT just could not resist!). Bitch-ass shit, such as this, reminds me why I often want to delete my account... 

And thing is, being blocked does not upset me... I frankly don't give a fraction of a fuck... Grow a pair and tell me what's up! And, as I rarely initiate contact, what good does that really do? I did not and do not go out of my way... I don't have the need to.

Conversely, I get a random piece of mail from a stranger who says that he is a long-time admirer of mine and read my last post. The message offered some kind words and friendly advice. And, another similar message from an old friend with an invitation to talk about what's going on in my life.

Messages such as this, remind me why I consider staying. Though few, there are some decent people here... and I would miss out on them.  Among the vast sea of fucktards, there are some gems!

Kindness, understanding and respect are not the signs of being a pussy...
It's called manners... And, if you ain't got them, I ain't interested. Without them, you simply could not function at a level to fit MY needs, which are the ones that count to me.

I haven't posted for some time because I've been in a darker place than customary for me  in my mind...I figured it was time for me to at least acknowledge it as I have shared so much of myself in this journal.  Numb, lots of thinking going on. I have had no new experiences and have been pushing people away because I don't feel like talking or responding to mail much so I've been keeping it curt... I am generally disinterested in everything at the moment more-so after my mother's passing in February. I have come to a juncture in my life where I am questioning everything... I am not sure where I fit anymore... I am not sure what I want... I feel lost.

Yep... too good to be true.  No worries, though. These days, a fuck has not been given about lots of things. ;) After chatting a bit, flash420 seems to be a time-waster. I am thinking his marital situation is not exactly how he mentioned it to be... And, if that is the case, I want no part of it.

Yesterday I met a cute soldier boy, we shall call flash420 who wants to love long time on my feet... I am really diggin' his vibe and can see him in my scenario. Something about gi joes just makes me melt! Hoping he comes with kung fu grip! Mmm! ;)

I received a nice compliment from a rather petite young girl... It was nice because the bulk of the attention I get is from males... So, I decided to look at her profile and to my surprise, she had pictures posted that brought me an immense sadness... What at first glance I thought was the look of of a meek sub as I looked at the other photos it became clear that it was a look of sadness, desperation... of being lost. From the photos, I suspected an eating disorder... And then I read her profile which confirmed it... A piece of her poetry spoke to me; reminding me of an old friend I encountered years ago with the same affliction... we have since lost touch. I was touched that she could see beauty in me but heart-broken that she could not see hers...Thank you for reaching out little girl... you reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for  even amidst my imperfections... and that all we all need are kind words and encouragement... I hope that you find peace before you rest in peace. You do not deserve the abuse you are giving yourself.  There is nothing delicious about that torment! *hug*

Hmmm... Now, that's an interesting proposition! Shall I or shall I not? Hmmm.... ;)

At this juncture in my life.... Not interested, thanks.

:(

Now, I have a clearer idea of who my friends are and who I can depend on... It's sad not to get what you give... but I also realize that some are not strong enough to give what I do... Still  a bit sad, though!  My heart aches...

Thank you, Cup... I ended up selecting a MAC make-up pallet with the gift you sent me... I am looking forward to it's arrival! your "just because" gift helped cheer me up a bit! ;) xoxo

Thank you for the gift, Cup! It was very sweet of you!

Hmmmmmmm... I wonder. Let's see what is uncovered. I hope that I am concerned over nothing...

Season's Greetings to all!

Oh, what fun it is to toy with an unsuspecting boy.... Bwahahhaaa!

NOTHING is better than taking advantage of some morning "wood"! :D

As the days pass, I cannot ignore that I question my membership on this site....  I find myself losing interest...

AM

Time to clean up and clean out the metaphoric closet! ;)

PM

I will never fully understand the need of others to be assmunches with no provocation.  Don't be mad at me for saying good-bye. And, being rude does not make it any better... you are just proving why cutting you out of my life was a smart call... Especially when I was not disrespectful in any way... I requested that you cease contact and was nice enough to express my reasoning in a manner that reflected care and respect... that's it. I am not here to be your "domme" only when you wish to call upon me... I am not up for rent...  I want something real, something you have proven that  you can't be... And, with that said, it's high time for me to stop giving you chances that you didn't deserve in the first place. Pay someone for what you want, that way you can have it your way.  you don't have to worry about anyone's feelings or anything else, either... And then you have the nerve to block me as if I did something so unforgivable to you? All I can say is "Wow!" and laugh... you were the one to re-initiate contact so do you really think that was necessary? That was a bit over-dramatic...   And still, I have no ill feelings and  wish you well BUT what I should be wishing is for you to get the same you give and that would be a whole lot of nothing. you were never really worth the time or effort for me to take you as my own. Sad I wasted time... Glad this chapter is over...

Just as I thought...

"How do I win your heart?" was the latest question posed... Well, that's a complex question as love has so many layers... The best answer I can come up with follows... It's not about winning...  but  more about completing... How might one complete my heart? let's explore this thought together...

Honesty/Integrity- I value the truth... and need to know that the person I deal with will not lie to me... whatever the cost. I need to know that I can trust anything you say, with no doubts. it's about doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.

Open communication- never being afraid to talk to me... share feelings, tell me about myself... but always respectfully.

Genuine- real... in every way; not putting on a show or acting how you think I want you to... being your authentic self.

Affection- not in a syrupy, on my nuts 24/7 kind of way... show me you care-do special things, make some sacrifices... it does not matter how big or small the gesture; most times it's in the little things that you do.... such as a smile, a hug, putting away my socks.

Fun- someone that makes me happy to be around, can hold a decent conversation, can say just the right thing to make me feel better, that I can  laugh with. 

That's a good start...

To answer a question I was posed earlier today completely and honestly and since it is not the first time I have been asked, an entry was in order.... so here we go! Do I believe in love? Yes... Do I love? Yes... Am I in love? Right now, I am not so sure... I have people that I care deeply about.  Can you learn to love someone? Yes, I believe that you can... but not with an ardent passion rivaling a romance novel. Do I believe love makes you do stupid things? Yes... That one should proceed with caution? Absolutely! Am I open to love? To be loved? Most definitely... With that said, whoever would win my heart would be a very special person... I would want to wake to their face every morning and kiss them goodnight every single night of my existence. I would want that person to make love with me, to me, with reckless abandon... often! And show me their love outside the bedroom in the little things that they do... I'd want that person to an asset to me as much as I am to them... Could that person be a submissive? Yes... In fact, they could even be a switch. Have I ever been inspired to switch? No... however, I would be willing to try it at least once for my beloved to make them happy. Does that scare me? No... not one bit.

It seems that today was the day for all kinds of subs from the past to contact me... I don't know if it had to do with my last journal entry or how the planets were aligned... One in particular surprised me... the Frenchman. I never thought we would ever talk again... I don't know how to feel... it was nice to hear from him but on the other hand, it brings up so many emotions... and, things could never be the same between us. Still, I wish that he would prove me wrong but I have a feeling that won't happen. *sigh*

I want to be inside my "girl"... Hopefully soon our schedules will mesh. She tells me that she has been a bit down as of late... there are many factors that contribute to that during these times: weather/lack of sun, holidays in general and not being fucked by yours truly. I am sure a good fucking will lift her spirits... I know it will mine! Mmmmmmmmmm

The air is clear... All is well in the universe... What I thought turned out to be wrong... My head is now settled... I claim it because it is mine; I do it because I can.

Confused... Is it gone or is it not?? As it is gone right now, was it ever really there... or mine... or was it just situational? I don't know how to feel yet... *sigh*

Empty...

Today is one of those days that I just want a long, strong, good-ass lay... all day... preferably a from a girl but a guy would do in a pinch. ;)

I just threw up in my mouth a lil... I just saw a pic of a male  torso... Now, who, in their right mind would post a pic of their  Buddha belly,  moobs and hairy ass caveman/werewolf winter coat... Shave it and make blankets for the less fortunate! Dayum!

OMG! LOL! I read something on a Dom's profile that had me dying over here..." Jerkoff I fart in your general direction" This can be taken so many ways and wrong on so many levels... yet arousing to some... LMAO! :D

Just because you offer your ass... doesn't mean I want it. I don't care how round, how well you move it, or how well you say you will back it up for me... I don't stick my cock just anywhere. You not having substance beyond physical attraction and making your ass SO ACCESSIBLE makes it UNDESIRABLE. This girl does not do random booty call hook-ups. Go on Craigslist , call a hooker, pay for your menu and go to town, ass bandit! ;)

For a man to be invested... he must invest.  It's about time.

Evil is afoot... I can feel it a'brewin'! What will I get myself into... and when??? If only there was more time in my day! >;D

I awoke from a bad dream... I can't remember many of the details but it must have been pretty intense because what awoke me was a stream of hot tears rolling down the side of my face... I have the feeling my soul touched a soul that will be leaving me soon due to many years of illness. I know she is tired... This has happened to me before... I know this feeling all too well and it feels like a piercing, slicing pain intensified by stinging... but you can't remove the source of pain as it has no physical origin... So, you are left with this intense, mind-numbing pain you can do nothing about but experience... as your heart crumbles in your chest and you wonder what will fill the void.

I THOUGHT I was being logical, caring and protective as best I could given our limitations... It wasn't taken that way. I thought I had proven myself true, reasonable and of good judgement... Guess not... It hurt more than I could have ever imagined. Without faith in me, we have nothing... had nothing. First and last tears are shed today... Never again.

Sometimes, I lose myself in contemplations as I come to situations and hear those of others. Today, I find myself pondering... How is it that someone  can still feel empty and/or lonely when surrounded  by admirers?

Just recently, I enjoyed an afternoon tryst with one of my favorite virtually dickless sissies, pinky. she met me at the door wearing lace panties and the remnants of an erection. She knelt and showed my perfectly pedicured toes some love, cradling them in her hands so gently as she licked, kissed and rubbed them. her hungry ass took a large butt plug to prepare for my entry. I rather enjoyed the mix of lust with twinges of pain delicately intertwined in her expressions. I spat in her face as she thanked me... I took that ass as long as I could and had her ride it, too... Had it not been time to go due to time constraints, I could have went some more. I am learning to overcome our height difference...  it seems to just keep getting better every time. I woke up sore the next day... but pretty pleased with my performance... now, if I could only feel what pushing into a hole feels like... It's the only time I wish I had a real penis, at least once... I know how it feels to be filled... and I imagine that filling someone has to feel just as amazing.

Teaching someone the power of words this evening was interesting. From the experience, the best advice I can offer: Do not make promises that you can't or don't intend to keep... Because you might just encounter a girl like me that will hold you accountable to those words you were spewing and make you eat each and every one of them. The funny thing is...  Women like me don't even have to touch you or even be in the same room, for that matter... I can get in your head just fine... And ultimately, you will be your own torment. And in that torment, I delight.

I miss talking to a certain bright and funny person... Such a good match for me... Again, miles get in the way... Curse you, "SexyMode".... cyber is NOT, nor will it ever be, my thing!

If scrumptious is part of your screen name... you SHOULD be. Just sayin'! LMAO

I dunno about you guys BUT I think it's HILARIOUS when a chick says they will relocate for the right domme... Get a job. Relocate on your dime and then hit me up when you are local... I will pay for NO BITCH to come to me.NO ONE is that dang special and there is so much local tail... come on! If you come, it is your conscious, adult decision... not because I foot the bill.

It is always nice when I get to see someone I genuinely like, take their ass with my strap-on and enjoy a bite together. Ahhhhh, good times, good times... :D

Sometimes your desires are simple: talented tongue, big penis, awesome lay.

I feel as if finding intelligence and wit are  like a Sasquatch sitings here.... You hear of its existence and when you witness it for yourself... you are taken aback and marvel that it is in your presence....  Now, I must see the movie you suggested! And, I will have to ponder further what other movie characters, besides Gaston, I would want  to dominate! Thanks for the chat! I truly enjoyed it! LOL

I have had a very reflective day... I made it in time to say goodbye to my 8th grade English teacher, Sr. MC last night. I got news that she passed this morning, on the 68th anniversary of her becoming a nun. She ruled her classroom with an iron fist... and we became better people because of it. I have thought of the many people and events that helped shape me into who I am and am thankful that I have encountered so many people of quality. I have much more to say but the words to articulate it well fail me at the moment... Appreciate the good people and things in your life.

Pining is not fun; and such a foreign feeling for me... BUT if you pine, does that mean you have wood? Trying to find humor in all of this... :D

Cutting ties with someone can be difficult. Not necessarily because you tell them to stop contacting you but the inner conflicts that arise from that decision and mourning the loss of what could have been. But more because, in your heart, you know it could have been great but you have to let it go and chalk it to a loss. If only... Whatever, never-mind that... Good luck to you. You are an old habit I need to break.

Butt-cherry whisperer in the house!  :D

I talked to a newbie today... He was very cute and seemed nice. The conversation was kept light and pleasant. Seems that we have a few things in common, including general location. I can't put my finger on it yet but there was something... I dunno. Not so sure that I am interested. Only time will tell where this goes. Either way, I surely wish the newbie the best in his explorations. :) I am looking forward to playing with my kitty once I am on vacation. :)

I have now officially helped name my sissy-friend... It is a super goofy name... Get this: pink kitty foo foo fuckbunny... Try saying that five times fast!

No luck with naming the sissy-friend...  In the running we have: Pink(y) (referring to his micro-junk), Janelle, Jolie and Berlin (honoring German roots), Amanda (A-man-duhhh... lol) and Jackie- Ohh (it makes me giggle, too)! I can't make up my mind. Care to vote/make suggestions? Give me some input, people!

Reflection of the day after peeping too many a profile with "myspace face" : people that try too hard to look sexy in a pic... never do, it seems...  The photos are not looked at with the desired effect... Instead, they become entertainment... Epic fail!!!  Poor them. LOL! 

Also, I am trying to come up with a name for my sissy-friend. In the running we have: Pink(y) (referring to his micro-junk), Janelle, Jolie and Berlin (honoring German roots), Amanda (A-man-duhhh... lol) and Jackie- Ohh (it makes me giggle, too)! I can't make up my mind. Care to vote/make suggestions?

Some people are really funny... How can you try to mack when you are grown and still live at home with your mommy? "Come over to my place"(and we can have pudding pops) does not sound so appealing when you want some adult time! Will mommy tuck us in,too? LOL!"

Question of the day: Why is cock so beautiful and yummy? This was a question posed to me via email this morning...  LOL... Wow! And, a good morning to you, too! :D

The lawyers love me! What is it about lil ol' me? Maybe it's because I tell them like it is... Type A alpha males need to be reminded that they are just not as cool as they think or appear to be to others... Someone needs to put them in their places and I'm good at it...Seems some things never change! :D

Hmmmm... Shakin my head... Some folks... All you can say is WOW! lol

I do appreciate the admiration of my assets.... BUT if that is ALL one takes the time to admire, they are missing out... and frankly,  that limits my interest in any said person... That only scratches the surface of what I have to offer. I am not a piece of meat... I am much more than fabulous body parts... I have a mind that is equally, if not more so, beautiful than anything physical I posses!

You know what cracks me up? Seeing profile pics where people demonstrate that they can flip people off.... It comes off as juvenile and ignorant to me... It does not make you look cool... It does not make you look "extra super dominant"... nor does it make you look any more "hard core". When I see that, I see someone that cannot effectively express themselves without being vulgar AND that is trying too damned hard to convey a persona that they are not yet comfortable with themselves... Thus, they mirror a  reflection of what they want to be but AREN'T. Using a pic of yourself flipping off the world is like the infamous "myspace face".... overdone and way beyond dumb-looking. Frankly... it looks ghetto. Find other ways to convince folks that you are "real".... Keep it simple; just prove yourself.

Oh damn! I had no idea that I would have messages in the bulk folder! That sure tool a long time to sift through! I was glad to see a person I'd wondered where they went to was trying to maintain contact...

Today, despite the fact that I am sick, I am in a chipper mood. I have a training I must get ready for but right now, enjoying breakfast in bed... I had been exchanging banter with sub-with-an-x... and he confessed that he craves having his ass filled by my cock... My kk disclosed that I had been in his dreams engaging in a hot scenario involving him at my feet and his ex-girlfriend. Another dominant wants to meet up and hang out, he's been pursuing me on/off for some time. He's incredibly cute and reminds me of my kk- tall, dark and handsome; just the way I like 'em. I just dunno how exactly I want to proceed with him. He's mentioned co-topping, which might be nice... but, I don't have that type of rapport with him just yet and I don't roll like that. We shall see if it develops into anything. Another sub, we shall call geo has also been in contact... he also has been in contact for some time but his fear of letting go has me taking the slow and cautious route... I care for him deeply but at this point, it is more at a friendly level... BUT has the potential to get hot n' steamy as we have a good connection, I think... he'd make an excellent slave once he accepts that part of himself and makes time for that development beyond the safety net of online. Another subbie is again in contact, he loves the idea of being my nephew.... Interesting... He lives in SoCal but travels up to NorCal often for business... That may be a good match as I am a busy person and don't have time nor the desire for 24/7... BUT he also needs to let go, which I know is hard for alpha males BUT what he truly craves... I will say that a certain person, sweet and kind, has been coming into my thoughts, too... a girl is always in need of a knight; especially when they are smart and funny!;) What to do, what to do???? Oh the places I will go and the boys I will see... Sounds like the beginning of a kinky Dr. Seuss! LOL! Till next time, my fellow perverts!

I have just encountered an old, favorite friend/toy here... Sweet! Yes, you have made it onto my favorites list! If things go as planned, you will be in my clutches soon... and your ass will never be the same, boy!  ;)

Warmest Holiday wishes to you and yours!

Wishing you all a safe and HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Don't forget to hug your loved ones, eat a bunch, take a nap or however it is you get down! Just do the damned thing and ENJOY every minute of it! Don't forget to count your blessings while you are at it... It's amazing how many things we take for granted and lose sight of! WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR! :) xoxoxo

Some people never cease to amaze me... We shall see what the future brings!

It never seems to fail, hardbodies like the soft curves of a bbw...I am LOVING that so many more cute "goons" (tall, buff guys) have been contacting me as of late... So many, so little time though... Hard to choose but there are a few that have really piqued my interest...  Lots of things are changing for me right now; many on the positive... I am now officially done with school and this girl is ready to re-enter the social scene! Beware Bay Area and Sac Town!!!

Sometimes you just run across something that cracks you up and you have to share it... This is such an occasion... Enjoy, my CM community! LOL...

Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████]
99% Complete...

ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

If it looks like a wanker, walks like a wanker and wanks like a wanker... it's a fucking wanker... That is exactly what fitfun is... a straight up wanker-ass bitch... Don't waste my precious time with your dumb-ass bullshit!  Don't contact me to tell me you want to be considered to then fall off the face of the earth... and then when you are called on it (wasting my time), admit your stupidity and ask to remain under consideration to then go MIA! To this, I say FUCK YOU. I tried to be understanding BUT your lack of respect and regard is unreal. you have alot to learn... With that said, FUCK you once more. BEWARE, my fellow Dominas- if fitfun contacts you, he will surely waste your time. He makes promises with no intention of keeping them... He is not worth your time or effort...

Feliz Navidad... Feliz Natal... Bon Nadal... Fröhliche Weihnachten... Mele Kalikimaka... Buone Feste Natalizie... Maligayang Pasko... Merry Christmas!!!!! And let's not forget Joyeux Noel! :P

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, to be attractive, young and playful! I am blessed! :D As i write this, (tee hee hee) there is a boy kneeling next to me... naked... Oh yeah, I think it's time.... :D Off to play now, details to follow!

A bit ago I found out that my friend's children were killed by a drunk driver... THEIR DAD!!! He was supposed to love them and protect them... Instead he chose to think only of himself... and because of that, two precious lives were lost. One selfish act, two lives lost... I am saddened for my friend but for him, the fitting punishment is that he will have to live with this for the rest of his life...  He was with them last, heard thier last words... and caused thier deaths... Though anger wells up inside of me towards this bastard and the pain he has caused... I hope that he is inspired to seek treatment. PLEASE DON'T DRINK & DRIVE... especially with your kids in the car who have no choice!!!!

For some reason it seems that I am a Dom magnet. I often get letters from them thinking all of a sudden, as soon as I lay eyes on said dom that my "dommaninity" will just go right out the window... Know what I think? That they'd look good sucking on my strap-on... LOL! How's that? It would take a VERY special person to even have me consider to bottom... I don't feel the need, urge and certainly have not found that special person that has inspired me to take such a role that is out of character for me. The best I can do is consider you doms as my equals... That's really it. If that's not enough for you, then I don't know what to say to you... BUT please, spare me your cockiness... I am a shrew you will not tame...

Is there anyone out there that enjoys the look and feel of unkept manscape these days???? I am sure some of you are out there... However, I am not one! 
My profile states no cock shots... so what do you think I got this beautiful Saturday morning?Guys, OMG! (stink eye in progress) Yes... you guessed it... Cock shots... and not only a cock shots, but hairy nasty unkept ones...  from a dom old enough to be my father that we will call LEO!!! WTF??? Ughhhhhh!!! I do like mature men, but damn! So, I call him on it... he says sorry I sent to the wrong person. I don't believe that... you looked at my profile, you 'tard! Let's not show how dumb we really are... You just got told is all that happened... Like someone is goign to bow to your greatness because you sent a pic of  your junk... Unless it is made of gold and encrusted in diamonds... I am not interested... because at least then, I could melt it down and use the materials for my benefit.
And guess what? After all that, he sent me his phone number... He was too creepy not to block...

Should I be flattered or insulted? I frankly am a bit of both... I just ran across a profile for a 33 year old domme named elsa, we will say... that matched mine exactly... As it was an attractive picture, I read the blurb and it looks familiar... and then it dawned on me... "WTF???? This is my freakin profile!!!" So, being who I am, I sent a messages asking her to introduce herself as she "borrowed" my profile verbiage... She did respond with an apology and deleted my stuff... I would feel sooooooooooooooooo crunchy for being called out like that...Though I am flattered in the fact that someone else identified/appreciated with my writing style, I am the only me out there and people need to write their own shit as it reflects who they are...  There are way too many posers out there... Geesh!

I hear that now-a-days kids are referring to their bums as cakes/cupcakes... If one says," She's got cakes." or "She's cakin'"... that means the girl packs a mean ass... Now, as I get lots of ass thrown at me... does that make me an executive pastry chef or does that make me Captain Cupcake? Yanno... I have to say I am a happy little freak... I get my cake and eat it too, most times... I feel myself fortunate to be in a position to pick and choose who and what I want... Though it is my natural disposition, I recognize the responsibility and privilege that comes with it. if it were not for a desireous and trusting individual... I'd not have a subbie to toy with.  Thank you subbies for being so wonderful! In general you make me happy and, someone has to be the "little people" right? :D :* ;)  xoxo

Sadly, I must report that the Frenchman was full of merde... I trusted someone that was not worthy of it...We got along too famously...connected too well.  He seemed PERFECT for my needs... Beautiful, open, explorative,funny. I loved sharing my philosophies and  listening to him speak in his thick accent.. He'd made it through my process and soon we'd meet after his relocation which was the only reason I considered communicating as I don't really see myself engaging in long distance relationships.
I figured with such a good connection I would have liked to see where things might progress... So why not?

Wierd things continued to happen after the initial fix that was actually explainable... I think he did not account for me having brains in this pretty little head of mine as I asked questions I guess he felt he could not squirm out of? The web of lies must have gotten a bit too tangled for Frenchie to come out of as he has disappeared completely, it seems. I noticed that he has not made it back on this site since our last interactions around the 19th of this month... Do you smell faggot-ass-wanker, too? Just curious!

With that said, it saddens me that people feel the need to pose as they do... I mean hell, buy a freakin' session and be done with it... Dial-a-Dommes have bills ot pay! Don't prey upon others for your sexual gratification in the guise that you are a sincere suitor if you are not...It's wrong to use others in that way. PERIOD. These types of occurences so ruin it for those that are real... And, as there is no one way to identify the real from the posers...It will continue on... and wankers will keep messing shit up for good subs... damned fuckers! Damn them, damn them all!! 


I'm glad I was not deeply involved, it was still an unpleasant experience but I can only  imagine how badly I would have felt if I had invested more of myself... I was blunt enough to say early on, "Well, only time will tell.. I won't really know what it up until you are here... and for right now I am going to take this for what it is, a nice chat with someone. No more, no less". Glad I took that approach...
Thank you to all of the real folks that are here, may you find what you seek here. Wankers, yeah you. you know what you can do...

Lucky for me, I always have options (giggles). Next!!!!

Bitter and jaded, I am not... However, I am cautious. Reason being, people get on the internet and live secret lives. You have no idea how many promises are made to dommes on a daily basis. For myself, if all that was promised was delivered, I'd be neighbors with Diddy or something! LOL! Now there have been quite a few that have kept the promises they made and I'm all the happier for it. Who doesn't love flowers, cards and gifts to be sent to them? However, there are those that promise the sun, moon and stars passing themselves off as if they are well to do or are ultra sub but when it comes down to it, they have nothing/are not subs.... How do you know this? Because all of a sudden, they disappear, stop answering messages... or whatever. WTF? What is the joy in that? It's pretty jacked up if you ask me...  Want references? Bam! I can do that. Want to talk on the phone or meet? Earn it! I do not pretend to be anything else... What you see is what you get...I am REAL.

As I sit here, I am wondering where a certain subbie has gone... The last message I got was on the 28th... I called but the message did not go through because the voice mailbox was full... I tried again a few times, including today with the same result. I am trying not to make a rash judgement or decision as this subbie works in a demanding field BUT.....  There is always a but, isn't there? Some communication is warranted... that's all. I've been courteous and honest. I expect the same... I am not sure I am getting it though; and sad thing, is that until this person moves to my area... I would not know... Sigh, this is why ldr just does not seem to work for me. We shall see what happens.

I got a few wierd texts that have me puzzled. I am thinking that perhaps things are a bit too good to be true... I am a bit concerned about it but I can't say I did not have it lingering in the back of my mind. There are way too many people here that are not real. It makes it difficult for those searching for the ones that are. Sad thing, is that those that are not real, ruin it for those who are. Fancy that...
 

Thank you all for your concern and kindness. As promised, I am updating you on my goings on... Here I am updating you on my mom... She is doing better. About mom... In the late 70's or early 80's, before blood was heavily screened, my mom had 2 operations one or both where she recieved tainted blood. Because of this, she contracted HEP C. She reached the point where her liver function was not well at all...  It was terrible to see her swollen uncomfortable and depressed. She had surgery 3 months prior to put in a shunt that would help fluid drain,it did ok for a while. Next, she went in for emergency gall bladder surgery and Then shortly after that  she was to the point where  she was swelling like Violet in the Willy Wonka Factory! She was transferred to a hospital in SF where she was tested from head to toe and they attempted to unclog her shunt to no avail. She was told that she would not be given another and by the grace of God it was then decided that she would have surgery under general anesthetic. Surgery was a success, she is doing fine. She was also put on the transplant list. If by the time she needs surgery there is no donor organ, I will be sharing mine. Before I do that, however, I am going to need to drop some weight... I dunno why they can't appreciate my big ass... man! Pray to whatever God you believe in for my family and me... that everything go as it should. Again thank you all... I will post about schiavo next but not tonight... It will take a while to talk about that... There is so much else to talk about too...

Ahhhhh let's see... What should I write about first? I think I will tell you guys  about the meeting between my friend that we shall call NotHard2luvOn. We had talked for a little over a year now. We met through a girl that had contacted me on CM... very pretty by the way (sadly, she and I did not work out). He and I continued contact and have grown fond of each other as friends. and share a mutual attraction. We also have been working on a plan for some time but I cannot reveal that just yet... No jinx! What I can tell you about is our meeting and how I prepared for it. As he loves feet and I am a declared self-foot- fetishist, I made sure to make it in to get a manicure and pedicure. I made sure to have my favorite shade of candy apple red applied to my toes with little white blossoms. Every night, before meeting, I made sure to check the softness of my feet and slather lotions potions and notions to ensure they'd remain perfect for our meeting... Throughout the weekend I made sure whatever needed plucking was plucked and was careful about my skin regimen as I wanted to ensure my buttery softness... everywhere, just in case of anything... A girl can never go wrong in attending to her vanity, can she???? We talked about what I might wear... I decided on a muted gold sweater and cami, jean skirt and a pair of tan platform heels  that had a gold buckle, making a good match for the sweater I was wearing. Hey, he is tall, there had to be some form of equalizer, no? Well, really, who am I kidding?Any excuse is a good excuse to slip into heels! With no further adieu, I jumped in the shower and made sure that I was shaved smooth except for my soul patch... And then, for good measure I shaved everything again, "just in case" I missed anything... nope i did not... was as smooth as could be... I dried off and lotioned, wondering how things would go; especially since I was a bit under the weather and running a slight fever. What a trooper, right? Till the end, had to get my pretty on! So,I took my meds and proceeded to get ready... I wore my beautiful curls down and my makeup was done in shades of gold, penny and navy which really complemented the outfit and my eyes... My lips were done in a shell color with a wash of muted gold atop. I lotioned my feet a little heavier than usual paying close attention to the heels and soles. I let my feet dry. For the drive, I put on a pair of brand new flip flops as I did not dare use an old pair as they can stain newly-pedicured or showered feet...see, when the skin is soft, the inevitable dirt trapped in the flip flop gets on the skin and one has to remove it via exfoliation.  Normally, I'd say well, does not really matter in grand scheme of things but I knew my feet were going to be under scrutiny and anything less than perfect would not do! Once I was ready, I got in the car and drove... It was a fair commute, the weather was ok... I ended up going to see a friend about 15 minutes from SFO as I had promised to... Before I took off, one more light slathering of lotion to the tootsies and we were off to SFO. I park and slip into my heels. I noticed that a few older businessmen were watching my every movement as I walked towards the terminal.  I politely smile as I passed them on my way to Nothard2luvon.  Before I sat down, I looked for a bathroom to freshen myself up. In there, a few ladies complimented me on my hair and appearance... I am thinking that my pheromones were in high gear this day... as apparently I was oozing sex... lol!!! What a minx! No lies, it felt good to have that silent approval as it further reassured what I already felt... I looked great and Nothard2luvon would most definitely appreciate my efforts.  I arrived at the terminal and took a seat where he would arrive... As I read my book I occasionally looked up as passengers came down the stairs... I did not see him come down the stairs but when I looked up I saw my tall, handsome friend looking around awaiting his luggage. A little mischievous  smile curls on my lips as I text him. Yes, it was him! We walk towards each other and greet with a quick friendly hug. I notice that our clothing choices are very complimentary to each other.  He too was wearing jeans, tan shoes and though his jacket was not of muted gold, it was within a few shades of the shade I was wearing. Who'd of thought? I thought it was cute/funny that in effect, we matched! My manfriend is hungry so we decide to explore our options.  We traipse around looking for a place to sit and have a meal as we chatter away. Looking for a place to sit and eat proved to be quite the chore as there are so many areas where non passengers are no longer granted access. We did end up finding a nice little place and were seated in a booth at the back of the little cafe where it was nice and quiet, the lights somewhat dimmed. We sat side by side perusing the menu... Somewhere along the way his full lips came in contact with my shoulder with a tender little kiss. (What a cad, no?) my shoes came off, my silken legs were draped upon his lap and the feet, that only till then he had admired online, must have been like kryptonite for Nothard2luvon, as they soon were in his possession. Surely they were hard to resist as cute as they were perched on his lap, methinks that they were a bit hard to resist because as soon as he saw the opportunity he seized it which confirmed for me that the extra care I took to prepare my feet was noticed and well appreciated. :) Nothardtoluvon was well worth it (there is more to this but it cannot be revealed just yet.) And there, I witnessed the love affair come to fruition between my feet and my manfriend  as my they were being given a wonderful massage by his strong, able hands. My dear Nothard2luvon, you can have at it whenever you'd like! :D  (What is a trip is that up until the last few years, though foot worship has been one of my things, I did not care for foot massages. Those days are long gone!!!) I will admit that I expected to be a bit more formal as we up to that point were only online buddies had never met due to distance. However, it was so comfortable...The initial awkwardness quickly melted away.... Though I  did expect that being that I know my manfriend, I was still taken a bit by surprise at his boldness but pleased nonetheless. What I thought (and hoped) was going to happen, in fact, did...We spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other pretty well online. We have shared so much of each other that it really did not feel like a first meeting at all...  I felt as if I had already known him... His touch felt strangely familiar though it was the first time his fingers had ever encountered my skin or his lips had explored mine.As we had our meal and cuddled a bit others were seated in our area so it was not as  intimate... a bit later we decided to walk around a bit. I talked about wanting to see the museum as we explored the airport. We actually stumbled upon a few exhibits. Every so often, we stopped and Nothard2luvon would hug me as I placed my head on his shoulder. His soft lips would claim a kiss from mine as my fingertips tousled his hair and lightly caressed his neck and face... Since I did not feel well, I was even cuddlier than accustomed. He took care of me to the capacity that he could, at that very moment, I was his focus and it showed. His eyes were for me, his words, his caresses, his lips... everything. And I, his... The way he touched me... comfortable... amazing. It seemed that wherever we were, our lips became suctioned together, imagine that! I have no doubt that Nothard2luvon would be even more so attentive and tender in an intimate moment by the way. And, if we were not taken people, I would have to snatch him up and make him mine, mine mine! There was a spot that was the only place one could lay down. It was, for lack of a better description, a hall with one side of windowsill that connected one wing  of the port to another. I sat on the sill as we chatted and I cannot remember whose was the suggestion but in no time he was between my knees and we were at it again. The sill put me at just about crotch level with him so it did look as if any minute we would just go at it...(However, I can assure you that it was not and did not happen. ) I noticed quite a few passengers looking at us as they passed by...  some shyly smiled, others were blatantly watching and then some thought trying to politely look away were drawn to see what might transpire as they walked on by. I wondered what other travelers might think as we kissed like newlyweds hard-pressed to get it on... lol... Well, for some, I am sure Nothard2luvon and I gave them all the excitement they were gonna get for a good bit of time. Hopefully no one had a heart attack while getting themselves to images of us... (ha! ;-D) This encounter left me feeling positive about all we had talked about and have been carefully orchestrating for some time... From the beginning I knew that I was the woman to do the job. I feel it was good for him to see and confirm that for himself though. On what we will embark, though I am sure not unique, takes a unique individual to execute. I sooooooooo look forward to this! I surely look forward to further growing our friendship, meeting his significant in person and watching my plan materialize... When all is said and done, it will make a helluva blog entry! That is for damn sure! lol...

Illumination was restored to the light... apparently the bill was paid!

if your personal letter is lame-assed, i'll let you know. i see you mention a friend that attends mcgeorge but i have no idea where that is located. in addition, you living in the salinas area does me no good as you are not local and i am quite capricious. so truthfully, i do nto know what you are aiming to accomplish. can you please explain the significance of telling me you worked but were given a severance package? seriously, what is that supposed to mean to me? is it that you are trying to tell me you were fired? you retired, what? however, thank you for the compliments.
r

Mistress, McGeorge is in Sacramento. I thought you would know where it is, since you are in the Sacramento area. The reason I mentioned severance package is that I can travel during the week, since you are in Sacramento, where McGeorge is, and since I can travel because I have a severance package. It was just a letter of introduction. I must have left too many blanks in the letter. I give just as I would like to receive. It's an old rule of mine. Mark

hell mark,
i am between sf and sac and am not familiar with all of the colleges in my area as there are many. and yes, your letter was a bit ambiguous... please do tell me a bit about yourself... please include information you think may be of interest to me. for example, years in the lifestyle, activities enjoyed, level of experience... and anything that you think would make you stand out in a crowd, as i get emails such as yours. in addition, i woudl like to know what drew you to my profile and what about me inspired you to write. 
r 

Mistress,
What attracted me to you was your appearance, your plaid skirt and foot, and your over-the-shoulder glance, your photogenic face. Your comment about "lame-ass" in the blog was a laugh. I knew I would end up writing a lame-ass personal letter anyway!
I had not heard of McGeorge either until my friend said he would apply.
Thanks for your letter. I did have a Domme girlfriend in Los Angeles for a year who believed that sparing the paddle spoiled the boy, and she applied it often. She was the Strict Girlfriend who did not allow flirting, eye contact, etc. with other women. Other than many shouts of apology to her, I have not been in the lifestyle. I am more of one-on-one, not a bull in a herd of heifers. I had a straight girlfriend--I still admire her--for eight years.
I could pay for your trips to SF or Monterey or Santa Cruz, just as a suggestion, and obey your directions, and I don't mean just on the map.
mark

as all that drew you was my physical appearance... i am not interested. good luck to you.
r

Here you have the grand finale:

The letter you SHOULD have written, which would have shown class:

Thanks for writing several paragraphs. I did put up seven photos of myself, a bit vain I admit, so I could be attractive and show my feet, shoes, legs, face. I would never be so hypocritical as to be indignant when someone responds to the photos! It would be like wearing a mini-skirt then getting upset if a man looks at my legs. How lame!

I did like your ability to come up with ideas about where to meet, and to mention my blog as well.

I feel you are above my intellectual level, and it would be hard for me to feel inferior and act dominant! So I won't make up lame excuses. I wish you the best.

This is the message that was blocked, so I will share it here:

lol... as i said, if that is **all** that drew you to me you lack the substance i require. pics may attract but that is not the only reason i should be approached.  i was not rude or disrespectful to you and think it childish as OLD as you are, that you chose respond to me in such manner. in no way do i feel inferior to you nor do i lack intellect... and here i thought i was letting you down nicely... how sad. rejection must be a bitch. That's what happens when you contact someone out of your league.

r

So there you have it everyone... I was contacted by mr. mc feeley and he had the nerve to get pissy with my "no, thank you"... Shouldn't he be taking care of his speedy deliveries in Mr. Roger's neighborhood? Woooooooooooooo what a day! All I can do is laugh... I guess someone did not get his jello... or his metamusil, maybe?? No, no... maybe he wasn't put down for a nap... You know how the elderly like thier naps!

:D
hasta lluego,
R
*Disclaimer: I do like mature men, ones that look distinguished and well-kept. In no way am I age discriminating... Age was brought up because of geriatricdomesticmark's level of immaturity.

I must sadly report that little boy b did not come through. He begged to continue to be under consideration, citing that life circumstances were keeping him down and unable to fulfill my request...It truly pained me to come to my final decision as we had seemed to share a great connection. I did think of letting it slide BUT my gut feeling was that with him, if I allowed it, it would set up the relationship on the wrong foot... and I did nto want him thinking he could top from the bottom or get away with things... it makes subs sloppy. What can I say? I want what I want, the way I want it... He could not deliver it... so, exit stage left...I do hope him the best in his future ventures. An adieu to you, little boy b... maybe one day we will meet again, but hopefully you will be a big boy by then.

After many wonderful chats between a young sub and I that I will call little boy b, I decided to give him a task to perform for me just to test the waters. he has expressed a deep desire for chastity and humiliation. He's  also talked about getting a piercing to facilitate the use of a said chastity device, so being the proactive person that I am, I looked at the calendar and pinpointed a deadline for him... the 17th of this month. That gives him 14 days to "git er done". I am thinking of myself as a facilitator... It is something he wants but needs that little umph to make it happen. I am all for self-actualization. I have allowed free masterbation during this period as he will be out of commsion for a bit I reckon... Every day, his first self-love session is to be what i call masterbatory meditation... he is to only think of Me, whether it be reflecting onthings I have said, my physical features, or feeling I evoke in him... whatever, as long as it about me and it is the first of the day... LOL not even in this instance do I want to have sloppy seconds!!! LOL In addition, I said that if he got the piercing earlier than planned, I'd give him something upon meeting him in person. He seemed pretty happy with the assignment, I wonder how he will do... He knows that if this task is not completed that he may no longer contact me... That would be sad, as we really get along... but what can I say? I'm not Burger King... and if it is not done (my way... hahah), that shows me that he truly is/was not serious or ready and alleviates me  from the task of having to get dressed up and meeting up with him when I can do that for a sub that is serious. I have a good feeling about him but only time will tell...

Some time back, schiavo did a naughty thing but as he was in Europe and I refused to see him the last trip he made here to Cali, discipline had to be dealt with. Ahhhhhhhh! my schiavo and I met up on Friday...The orignal plan collapsed BUT this time, as I was notified early on, so I took a proactive approach and immediately put an ad out craigs for discipline assistants before I had to leave... I took the first two respondents and answered their emails and chatted briefly with one. The one I chatted with was the one that showed as well as my friend Mike who was on security detail... BUT still the show went on... I arrived to see my schiavo in the lot, waiting for me to arrive, he openned my door and greeted me. We chatted briefly as we waited for mike tio show and then we went to get snacks. As we were in the car, we engaged in idle chat and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my slave kept stealing glances at me and my attributes... i was wearing a very cute glittered muted gold top with a a shirred bust, satin details, and an sheer overlay, a short denim front slit skirt and a pair of tan platform slides with gold buckles... my toes were a painted an opalescent shade called rose gold... I wore my hair down, in my crazy "rock star" freshy tinted auburn-brown curls framing my face and resting on my back and shoulders. The gold shirt brought out the honey brown specs in my hazel eyes, and the green seemed intensified... (I guess you can see that I really admired myself as I applied my makeup, eh? giggles) So anyways, we returned to the room with snacks in tow. I laid everything down on the table and took out the outfit I was to receive guests in... I had schiavo steam it as I enjoyed a snack with my Mikey. He carefully turned my nighty inside out... A "moulin rouge" inspired number... lavender satin with black lace details  from Frederick's... steaming all of the creases out. Schaivo assisted me to get out of my regular clothes with the exception of my black lace thong... and slip into the nighty, black fishnet hose. Can can ruffle panties compeleted the look. Schiavo carefully placed my shoes on my feet and buckled my ankle straps... then undressed and put on his hood as Mike went to get get my assistant.  I greeted my assistant, schiavo was bowing on all fours kissing my shoes. i instructed schiavo to crawl to the other side of the room and invited our guest to have a seat. I introduced everyone, went over rules of engagement, and offered my assistant refreshments.  Soon after, we began... Schiavo was instructed to suck the assitant...As he did so, I paddled his bum... A few times I put my face very close to his... and whispered... isn't this what naughty slaves get? he answered yes, muffled by the member of my assistant... My assisant,  who we will now call JQ, shared that he'd never experienced anything like what we were doing. He'd never been sucked nor had he ever taken a man before. I put my strap on and had my schiavo suck it... I stared intently into his eyes, never looking away as he devotedly sucked it awaiting the next order... JQ asked to touch/kiss my breasts and knowing it would displease my schiavo, I consented... His beautful mint eyes witnessing, I asked, "schiavo, do you like that someone else is touching your lady? His eyes fell and he answered, "no". Before long, it was time to progress to the next activity.... conquering the ass of my schiavo... JQ seemed to have an issue finding schiavo's hole... so, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I put on my strap and had him assist me in aiming for the hole... and there it was... I was in! I pumped away  until schiavo could not take it anymore. I watched every time I thrust in... it was soooooooooo freakin' hot... I am um, getting excited just writing about it!  Here is an excerpt form the email i wrote to schiavo after our event...
one thing i am happy with, is that i  i witnessed your ass being taken, i would have preferred our guest to have done it and had you rest your head on my lap or eat my pussy as he took your ass... so that i could see the expressions on your face.... i like that i took your ass, even if it was brief... i wish that for a few seconds that my strap on would become an extension of my body so that i could feel the sensation for myself. it was soooooooooooooooooooo hot to watch it slide in and out of you... i loved that our guest also found it hot... I wish to explore this further... and am considering getting a different harness to better assist me with that task... but i want to see a few men take your ass for me... that idea excites me...
That pretty much sums up how I felt... don't get me wrong.. I LOVE being a woman... but for a moment I was experiencing penis-envy!! I wanted to be able to feel his sphincter around my shaft... I wanted to feel everything... I am a bit sad that it is just one thing I will never feel though... as I am an innie! I'll get over it!!!! JQ asked if schiavo could suck him again... of course I consented while instructing schiavo to take his cum, making sure not to lose one drop. He came, schiavo did as told and soon after, JQ took his leave and we thanked him for participating. Now, we were left all alone... I chatted with my pet for a long while, taking turns being in eachother's arms... we were both a mess and lulled off to sleep... What seemed a few minutes was actually a few hours! i awoke...and we were back to playing! I had my pet please me... his touch ardent, more urgent than I had ever remembered feeling. My schiavo, mumuring into me "I want to hear you cum!" It took me a long while to finally release as my energies were so wound up...  but when I did.... aw man! It was gooooooooooooooooooooooood! I let him feel me... I watched his eyes as they rolled back in ectasy and his moans filled the air... He asked permsioon ot cum and I said yes... but kept letting him get to the point and then instructing him to shop... I did that a few times and then I invited him to the bathroom and gave him a nice little shower. After that he cleaned up and we laid with with eachother, talking... Enjoying eachother's company... holding eachother... and once again, off to sleep.... for the first time since we've been together, I spent the night... I learned that my schiavo not only was a snorer but a raging bed hog!! LOL! :D when woke up the next morning, I freshened up a bit as my schiavo took a call from Italy. As he returned he sat next to me and says, "even in the morning you are still beautiful" I just sweetly smiled but in my head knowing that I was just very lucky that morning! ahahhaha!

Hi everyone,
Long time no write... I have been a fine hot mess... but not in a fun way! That's my only regret! LOL! Something in my head told me that taking  conversational Japanese over the summer would be a good thing to do... That something lied! LOL! I figured that I need some credits, so why not? It has to be easy, as it is conversational, right?? Nope, far from it! i did learn how to say fuck... and spell it in romaji... fakku! :D Anyways, here I am posting... I should be doing my math homework but I have been inspired to write... so here it goes: my question is, why do dumbasses flood my mailbox; not just here but in my private mail? Here is the latest mail that made me burn... mind you this person initaited contact (not here), has been talking to me for a GOOD amount of time... we've chatted on the phone and scheduled a lunch date  so that we could meet and further discuss an event I am planning... she was to be my assistant for said event... anyways, here we go:

I have chickened out.  I truly apologize and promise not to contact you again.  It's my fricken Catholic upbringing and I'm sorry but I'm just too nervous.  I truly do apologize for dragging you along, cause this is something I really wanted to try.  I'm sorry that I wasted your time.
Janine

OK... here was my response...

you know what?  i am catholic too...  a practicing catholic at that...brought up in catholic school, none the less... i find it hypocritical that you would go to PRIDE and what not but are having a problem meeting me... remember, YOU  came to me... i did NOT initiate contact. furthermore, as a "good catholic" you should not be engaged with or promoting anything that has to do with gays... am i not right? so being catholic is NOT an excuse.  so, please spare me the bullshit and get real with it... what is your REAL reason for now deciding to back out once again? i think i am at least owed that. being nervous is is expected but i thought it was the reason to meet beforehand.... either way it does not matter to me... but at least i can say i was right about you... i had you pegged, and pegged right.  you are a closet lurker... you want to be involved but are too afraid to be... so maybe being in the fringes is where you belong... in life there are the doers that get things accomplished and the don'ters  which are those that get left behind... i guess we both know which you are. and know what? though i am disappointed a bit at my obvious waste of time... i feel more sorry for you... as you truly are pathetic.
r

You may ask yourself, why is Ra Ra sharing this? This is for all the dominants that put in the time and energy into getting to know someone that craps out... for the subs that do not get the chance to meet good dominants because the good ones are taken OR they do not want to be bothered by wannabe cyber subs... and as a result may come in contact with subpar or abusive so-called dominants...
When she contacted me again, I did share my concern and was assured that she was very ready and willing to serve and assist me with my event...wanting to be my toy and learn under me and blah blah blah...This is why I am sharing....  What burned was that  when I went to hit send, I noticed I was blocked... Mind you, I have never been rude to this person... I had my reservations about her as our initial meeting was cancelled due to a "family emergency". things happen so I let it be and gave her the benefit of the doubt... but did not persue anything else. She contacted me again... asking to be considered. She always said she could be available and asked when could we meet...  but when I pinpointed a definite date... then she asked me to change the time for a bit later, I was ok with that... and then I got the mail I just shared with you guys... and was further insulted by getting blocked! she could have left it with the email she could have talked to me... I had no intentions of forcing her to do anything... i wanted to talk about the event, answer any questions... do the responsible thing...  I am certainly not lacking prospects... I had done nothing to deserve such disrespect but somehow I became the criminal here? Like I was some kind of psycho-domme!!!! Whoahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What a way to flip the script... So, what did I do? First, I texted her then decided I should I call her phone and read her my email and then told her yes, to definitely lose my number as she could not be respectful enough to talk to me personally or at least allow me a response... So, I got my message across... where there is a will there is a way... isn't there?

So, the moral to the story: When contacting someone, whether dominant or submissive, one should be cognizant to the concept of respect.You give what you get and you get what you give... That is how things should work... It's elementary in all relationships... and should be practiced here as well. You would think we'd all do this naturally as we are all adults here... here for the same reasons and wanting very similar things. Being of authentic self is paramount... I don't know about anyone else here but I want to know and genuinely like those that I decide to share my gifts with...By doing that, I can better appreciate thier gifts and ensure quality connections with quality individuals... Enough said, no? Be real people! Have some consideration...Time is a precious comodity... ionce it's gone, it's gone...  I can't hit a rewind button on life... if there was, I'd be allllllllllllllllllllllll over it!!!!!    No one likes to have their time wasted, ya know????

Now, for all of you out there, be careful if you get mail from a person going by Jazel or Janine, especially if you put ads on cragslist which is where she answered an ad I posted re: use of my schiavo... she is a short, brunette BBW and the pic she sends around is one of her in a simple lavender bridesmaid gown holding some flowers. she initally approached me as a domme and then came to identify as a sub/switch. (not of my doing or urging). from Santa Rosa/Petaluma... she is a BIG waste of time as she is obviously not ready to go R/T. My guess is that she is a lurker... a housewife with nothing better do that has a hubbie who does not pay much attention to her... who gets off on baiting people to assisnt in the creation of her masterbation material.

Hi there! I have made some plans... for my schiavo... Ohhhhhhhhhhh! I can't wait to tell you all about how things go down. he knows of my plans but wooooooooooooooooo he knows not what he is in for! Hahahaha! For now, I will share my  basic plan... Of course, I will add my style and flair to the evening but you can get an idea of what schiavo will be going through. If you have any further suggestions please share! Two heads are better than one... and what better place to get suggestions than here? Where the pervs at??? Holla!!!! Ok, here it goes... My schiavo wishes to do something very special for me to celebrate my birthday... So I figured i'd let him lick me as he is getting has ass pounded. The evening will end as he so loves it... being used as a potty chair.  How's that sound? I put an ad out to find that special man that I will allow to take my slave. I have had lots of replies ... some very nice, others just make me giggle at how "elemetary" they are. I am left to wonder what their levels of education are... I think a few rode on the hsort yellow bus for sure. Anyways,  I am excited with the anticipation of seeing my slave perform for me...He does such a nice job of licking... it is obvious when he sees me that he is hungry for me... All of me.... However I am willing to share myself... To please  his Lady... He is a good boy for the most part. I love that about  him. I will letcha know how things go... If you care to share your suggestions please know that they are appreciated and  will be considered. Keep in mind he is an extreme degradation slut! Till then, take care.

Dear CM folks,
I have noticed that I have quite a few admirers and that my profile is looked at alot as well.  I have also noticed that many of the admirers on my list have not introduced themselves to me... Believe me when I say I am very blessed and flattered to get such attention, even at my OLD age! :D (I will be 35 tomorrow)... It's great having fans but even better knowing them a bit... Please introduce yourselves... I promise not to bite... Well, unless it's consensual...

I've been thinking... Yes, I know dangerous for me... It is amazing to me how many are in the lfestyle that really do not "get it". In any alternative to the societal norm, there is beauty in the diversity of that community as it holds itself together on the the fringes of normal society and one would think that with being of alternative nature, that there would be a high degree of tolerance. Sadly, there is discrimination even within such an "open community"... If it is not about style it is about philosophy, if not that, it's looks... Get a clue people... This community is so diverse. There are commonalites BUT it is what each person sees the lifestyle as... For a Dom/me that rolls however They roll there is a sub that is down with a quickness, no? It is what we want it to be, when we want it to be and how we want it to be... gentle or dark... It is what it is as it is in our eyes.... How beautiful a concept in its purity... Let's keep it like that... It's meant to be simple. There is no right way but we know what the wrong way is... anything that is not safe, sane and consentual, right? I do not like to be defined or categorized in any way. I define me... All I know and live for is to be myself... Learning myself through exploration, discussion and experience... learning my sub... watching the sub react to my doings... knowing what makes them tick, what excites them,what scares them and what does both... I have noticed that here and on other sites, that many people are quick to judge one another when all  here share a common thread. Everyone on this site is a kinky bastard. Why not bask  in the glory of that knowledge and be what this site was intentioned to really be instead of what it has become? There are many posers and fakes that ruin it for those that actually seek knowledge and association with like-minded folks... There are too many fake or pretentious Dominants, there are too many fake and presumptuous subs... then there are your form letter mailers... Come on people! Have the courtesy to write to whoever you are writing to authenically from your heart... Don't just cut and paste... If you cannot take the time to really communicate with someone... If that is all you can muster up, then you are not worth the internet time it takes to delete your mail. And if you have cut and pasted a mesage to someone, have enough sense not to mail it to them again. First impressions are lasting impressions. You can fool some of the people some of the time but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time...
peace out,from a bi bbw domme woman that is self, culturally and socially aware, sensitive and competent and semi politically correct that loves ice cream, candy and ufc/mma fights, high heels and corsets... now how is that for a label? And, that is only a little about me... I am just too complex an individual.... as most other people here  are, to fit into any real cookie cutter definition of the self...and I refuse to roll like that... Know what I mean?  LOL Talk to you soon...

How nice it was to finally play after my slave's long absence from me... I was happy to see him after such a long time as he had business to attend to in Europe. I did not take my toy bag with me, just a few items stuck in my pockets as I did not have lots of time: thin rope, a pocket rocket-type device, lube but i ended up no needing any of those things...  Anyways, He came to get me from my car and immediately went to his knees as I openned my door... He lead me to our room and as he closed the door, he immediately went to his knees and asked if he should undress... I looked over my shoulder and asked, "wat do you think? Of course!" So, he did and I noticed that he was not trimmed up for me... Well one area was... his groin but that was it to my dismay! He is VERY hairy if he does not trim.... and frankly it is gross to me... So as he knelt I looked directly in his eyes and took a tuft between my thumb and pointer and tugged... we continued this for quite a bit...pulling random tufts... and then of course he was not allowed to touch me... he whimpered in pain and I just giggled and said, "Well, I guess the next time you see me you will be trimmed, yes?" He answered, "yes." I spat in his face and mouth a few times... He thanked me... His eyes rolled to the back of his head...Next I had him remove my flip-flops and kiss/lick my feet... I could not resist the temptation and gave a merciless yank to the butt hairs that peered up at me from where the back loses its name... he winced as he continued kissing and licking my pretty pink toes; I presented the soles of my feet which he licked them up and down... I was happy to discover that it did not tickle as I had experienced before. I walk over to the armchair and instruct him to undress me, which of course he does... I took a seat and we chatted a little bit, him on his knees at my feet. Softly but desperately kissing at my leg before him... I open my legs and invite him to his blissful place... Before he partakes he softy says, "Beautiful"... and he buries himself in my femininity... OMG it was so good! He went on and on adn then asked to introduce a finger which I conceded... He lapped and lapped... I decided I wanted a position change so I draped myself across the bed with my ass in the air... Which he licked and kissed with the rest of the region's goodies... He worked sooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to please me... It took a while for me to cum as I had alot of sexual energy pent up... but when I did it was a slow consistent ride of one right after the other... As my moans filled the air I could sense his urgency... When I finally collapsed, He fell beside me and again said ever so softly, "Beautiful". I then got atop him and teased him with my slick girl... never letting him enter but massing the top with "her" and teasing him by parting her lips with his tip... as I stroked him... ... I know he was being such a good boy as I could tell he was containing himself from pumping into me but he knew better...But I knew what he desired most... so I invited, "Let's go to the bathroom." He layed on the cold tile and I took him where he wanted to go... it was nice to have my potty chair back to serve me.

I have a question to pose... What is the most degrading/humiliating thing you have done/had done to you/ thought of doing or having done to you??? :D You tell yours and I will share mine! <evil grin>

I had never heard Tenacious D... Gawd! My friend sent me "Fuck Her Gently"... I then found the video... Too funny!!!!!! Its not as good as I'm a Cow but hey...
go to  (remove spaces).extremefunnyhumor. com/fun_ fuck her... ENJOY!
I cracked up so (harmonizes) harrrrrrrrrrrrrddddd!!!

Just curious... Anyone out there cum so hard they gave themselves a headache and/or abdominal cramps? Indulge me and please share your experience!!!! What/who were you doing and how was it for ya???? As for myself, lemme just say wooooooooooooooo!!!! Yeah, it was a good! Realllllllllll good!  Or am I alone in this??? huh, huh, huh, huh??????

Let me tell you about My Wednesday get together! (cheer leader-like) Ready? Ok! This event was in the planning for weeks!  I had arranged for my schiavo to be the fluffer/finisher for a gang bang... I put ads out on craigslist for a few good men and for a ssbbw to join the festivities. I selected my participants, checked my list, checked it twice...corresponded with everyone to get a feel for them and what not... To start it all We made sure to get proper refreshments for our guests. I met my schiavo at Safeway, wearing a black 40's inspired dress in a  houndstooth pattern, patent heels and fishnet stockings and a black trench and horn rimmed rhinestone studded sunglasses... My lips were "salsa red" as were my toes... schiavo's face lit up as we met in the aisle where I was gathering our supplies. As we stood in line schiavo admiringly looks over and simply says, "Beautiful". I smiled because he only confirmed what I already knew.... that night, I LOOKED SMOKIN' HOT! Anyways, we made our way to the suite that schiavo had procured for the evening and we began to set up for our guests. I attended to the cups and such and he to getting the projector to work as we had planned to show pornos from his lap top... he also arranged furniture to my liking... I asked my friend Mik, who is like a brother, totake care of security detail. He was happy to attend, he loves bbw ladies anyway... Next to arrive was lady c... she was very sweet and brought me a thank you gift... I was touched by the thoughful act... It was a set clitoris shaped candles! (giggles)  I changed into my black halter top teddy and kept my bra,stockings and thong on and yes... I rocked the heels (though i did take them off here and there to rest my tootsies a bit... Once our guests had arrived I introduced myself, thanked everyone for participating and reviewed the rules of conduct and sent folks off to eat and enjoy the porn. My schiavo was made to lick and kiss her feet as if they were mine... A bit later, it was on! I invited lady c to the bed and asked our gents to follow.  It did not take long to get things going... before I knew it everyone was there and my schiavo was sucking someone for me... The entire evening was surreal... One could watch the porno movie or watch it live... It was all very hot... At one point I was fingering lady c as she had her mouth and hands busy... I then decided to get my strap on and take her myself... I had one of the men guide me into her wet, wanting hole and braced myself with a man on each arm as I pumped away at her... I then gave my spot to someone else and went to wash my hands. After a few had a bit more of lady c, I decided I wanted to see her ride my strap... so I laid down and the boys helped her atop... and guided it into her again... I pumped away from underneath. There were times I could not breathe but I consentrated on slowing my breath... When she adjusted I was sooooooooo happy... She had her fill of my strap and when I was freed, I went to my schiavo who was sitting on the couch and plopped onto him and hugged him tight. We were both tired and wanted some alone time but I reminded him that it would be rude of us to end the party before lady c had had her fill of cock.  We watched her for a bit longer... There was one gent that had incredible stay power. I am sure lady c got all she needed that night... One thing I found interesting was that a few of the gents seemed to look my way as they were in her... I wondered what they thought about as they did this... But, I must say, I would have been looking at me too... Not because she was bad looking or anything as I felt she had a pretty face... but obviously she was not me and I looked great!  I know that my schiavo was very proud of his Lady that evening and more so proud to be owned by a lady such as myself... schiavo does alot of observing and analyzing, so he shared with me... As we talked he expressed that he was amazed at the ease with which I handle myself in any given situation. He said I conducted myself with class and very much fit my role as queen. (What can I say, I am a natural!) That I never raised my voice and was so polite but that my autority was obvious and the person that tried to touch me quickly got the hint as I summoned Mik to watch my back...He was not told to leave but the guy ejected himself from the party. schaivo went on and on about his observations and I though that was the sweetest thing...My heart melted... Awwwwwwww schiavo... After everyone left, I took my schiavo to the tub and squatted over him and peed onto his face.  I tried to give him what he desired but for the life of me I could not, just some air escaped... One thing was different though... This time, schiavo was a toilet in front of my friend Mik... what was funny was that Mik sat with me holding my hand and chatting as I tried and he was unaffected by it all as if he'd seen such a thing before... He'ed never experienced it live... Mik  was a trooper... Though play was short for me and my schiavo, the evening was very pleasant overall. We both complained about not having enough "us" time... so for next time, I have decided we will play all by ourselves! Ciao bitches!

Wankers are alive and well on collarme... guess what? Remember Juicy? A few days ago he had the nerve to email me! I would have told you sooner but I have been slammed with homework... So, here we go... I was here and I get mail... He said hi... I of course wrote back "why the hell are you contacting me?you made your choice... blah blah blah"... He says he had been flooded with work and what not... and I told him before I considered anything that he was to complete the last assignment I had given him... he swore up and down that he woud do it and then towards end of the chat, he asked if he could call me! LOL... So basically, you guessed it... he wanted to jack off to my voice I gather! What a wanker! Get a room, pay a fee!!! LOL The next day I mailed back a message... I forgot what I said exactly but it was along the lines of "though so, you loser." Its funny to me how many people here say "I want a real domme" but when something that is not a pleasure-based activity is prescribed, they are not game for it... So I am going to say this; just as "you" may want a "real domme", I want a real sub! Don't come at me, asking to be under my dominion if you are not serious or willing to perform the tasks I set forth... I know what I want and how I want it...Doesn't that seem a bit selfish? Does that seem like the action of a true submissive? To me, those are the actions of a fetishist...and that is fine... I do not mind that, just be real about it... Just, don't contact me saying you are a sub and then refuse to comply with a request that is both doable and reasonable... In the wise words of Yoda, "You either do or you don't, there is no try"... Don't waste my time with excuses...If you are a fetishist looking for some free action, advertise yourself as that...And if you do not find what you seek for free... pay for it. Now, tell me if I am wrong but in my observations and dealings, I see lots of people that are just not honest... I find this frustrating as I see no honor... All relationships should be built on a level of respect and trust... Once that is broken, it is hard to repair and will never be quite the same again... Why go there?  JUST BE REAL ABOUT YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT.  You owe at least that much to the domme as well as to yourself...

I just got in from meeting a prospective pet... He called me to get directions to where we were supposed to meet as I was applying my lipstick... I asked him about the panties i'd requested he wear at our meeting... He admitted that he had not went to get them as he was tired... SO what do you think we had to do? Yes! that's was it! You bet your sweet candy ass that we had to go shopping! We went to a store close by to select a pair.  As we did I had him put his hand in my pocket and follow me around like that as we strolled the lingerie section... Though I tortured him with many things we ended up with a very nice pair of CK thongs. The expressions on this pet's face had me weak! Classic! :D I loved every minute of his suffering...but as he was naughty, he had it coming.  He was a champ about accepting his punishment. We spent a bulk of time just talking... I studied him intently as he sat across from me and opted to listen more than talk. Every part of him was scrutinized...I do not think that I missed one hair... He has amazing brown eyes, very soft and gentle. I think he has lots of potential... he has shown interest in learning to dom...Let's see where it all goes...

As of late, I've had lots of positive mail regarding my journal... I think it's great that many of you understand my viewpoint and share your own with me, whether complimentary or opposite of mine or simply that you enjoy my musings. Thank you for sharing of yourselves with me and allowing me to do the same... *smooches* 

Have you ever done something that was on your taboo list to find out it really does not bother you? That was me this past week! OMG! I had an intense scene that ended in toilet training... I never thought I would go there but as this was something my slave yearned for sooooooooooo I decided to give it a go and stretch my own limits and from it I grew... In the process learned that I am more of a sadistic bitch than I gave myself credit for! It did not bother me at all, I was really surprised... Actually, it was amusing. And, totally got off on the reaction I got as the slave experienced what I was dolling out.

Some of the subs here are such wankers. There is one in particular I speak of, though. We will call him Vegas. he is a rapper, wrestler wanna be and I dunno what else flavor-of-the-month occupation he has... that has been moving to LA for months now... so, I'd think if he has not moved it's cuz he can't afford to, ya think??? he and I have a history but have never met in person... For many years he's persued me... and we do this dance... Vegas asked me how much he'd need for a shopping trip...to which I inform him that he cannot afford me... he insists so I say to him... Well, I can drop X amount on just panties (I forgot what amount I said, I think it was 300) in less than 30 minutes... which is very true, Lane Bryant, Frederick's and Torrid are not cheap.... and that his money would not go far... He got offended and told me he was going to block me... I don't get it! Either way I was amused... Sure, get mad at me because you can't afford me... now... For him, I always have high-balled as I am not interested... You would think he would have gotten the clue ages ago... I guess it made him feel empowered to say "I'm going  to take the plunge and finally block you"... like it was supposed to hurt or bother me... So I replied," you are a real moron...you contacted me and if you don't like what i have to say... then don't im me... I figure Vegas will read this... Just know I sit here LAUGHING at you still... that is what was so funny... YOU.  And to think I have been nice enough to send insults your way to give you masterbating material ;) *smooches*

One day I was sitting around as I iced my back and began to contemplate my childhood... It's interesting to me that as I looked back I could recognize/identify my domme behaviors  very early on... I thought about my Mama Chela and realized she groomed me to be who I am... She always catered to my whims, lovingly and without question... and it dawned on me... She was my first submissive, so to speak! Not in a gross/sexual way but the whole service aspect of her personality... I was the baby and the only girl, so pretty much I got my way.  I had my own special cookies that went in my cookie jar and no one was allowed to touch them.... she lavished me with wonderful gifts, told me how utterly wonderful and beautiful I was... She never quieted me of my opinion either...  She waited on me hand and foot... I'd go to the store for one pair of shoes and emerge with six... She had a hard time saying no and I still to this day have a hard time hearing it! LOL... I don't think she would ever of thought that I liked doing what I do (BDSM) or that she was laying the groundwork for future slaves... all she did was LOVE and GIVE... to PLEASE me... and is that not what genuine servitude is? My challenge to you subs out there is to abandon yourselves in servitude the way she did... your Dominant derserves that and more from you...

As I have been feeling better, I have been granting meetings with potentials... There have been a few promising ones... There was one I really liked but has decided to persue a relationship... I wish him the best because that is not something I could do at this time, not the way he needed...   a bit bummed though... he was fun.  Then I met another... I took his hand to look at his watch and he tried to sneak a kiss... Well, of course you know that I had to smack him in the middle of the restaraunt... :D and give him the stink eye as we talked... He was fun too... Now, it seems that tomorrow I will meet another... This may be interesting...

I am so excited! I leave for Reno tomorrow... gonna see Sinbad at the Silver Legacy... I have been watching him since his days on Star Search ( I know, dating myself!)!!! I hope everyone has a good weekend! As far as everything else, my back is getting better and I am becoming more mobile. I got the results from the MRI... Seems my pain comes from something congenital that was just upset from the accident.

A high school friend came to visit last night...I had not laughed so much or stayed up til 5 am in such a long time! We had a blast talking about a video we had all made when we were in our early 20's... All the big hair and the clothes choices we made...OMG, LOL!
I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday weekend just as I am!

Before anything, hello beautiful people (and no, that does not include everyone... you know who you are.) Ok, ok I get it... Life is like a box of chocolates; here I don't know what I am going to get as far as mail is concerned... But I am figuring that if I am going to get "chocolate"... Do I not deserve Godiva?  I'd clearly say yes... I am inclined to ask, Where are the intelligent, nice looking subs and why do I get so much mail from yucks? "Stupid is as stupid does"... Never thought I'd encounter so many Gumps here. I mean are we only among the "Ozark Specials"? Please, read my profile in its entirety and then, if you feel you meet the specs I have put forth, introduce yourself.  Otherwise, I am not intrerested in making your aquaintance. Take care.