A "Master" does not hide behind a photo of a submissive on his profile, nor behind a picture of his genitals.  One cannot BE a Master unless one is "Out", otherwise he is not "Living" the Lifestyle.  To be a "Master" requires commitment and conviction far beyond that of a closet Dominant.  One should be a recognized figure among "Lifestylers" and well known for his Mastery of Technique, Strategy, and Creativity.  One should be the epitome` of Ethics, Valor, Honor, and Integrity.  One should be a valued mentor to others and readily available for teaching and training.  This requires others to be easily able to identify and find him.  In this age of the internet, it would seem everyone is a Master or a slave.  *shaking head in disappointment*  ...  immediate gratification seems to be the wave of the future, A true Master has "earned" his title over years and years of being an understudy of a reputable Mentor. I would personally love to see a resurgence of Protocols and proper Etiquette, and the education of potential slaves towards understanding how to find a legitimate Master for petitioning. Only through a vast amount of experiences can one know themselves and how to lead others.  May we all be blessed with opportunities to learn and grow as individuals and as a "Lifestyle".  Blessed Be.  ...Shiva

Songs of a slave…

Longings Song…  As a child she began to have secret unrecognizable longings that she did not understand.  As a teen they developed into more defined desires relating to being masterfully enraptured.  Beginning early on, she began to experiment on herself, fantasizing about how she could be taken.  As a sexually submissive partner in her relationships, there was always something missing, an itch she couldn’t scratch.  she felt like she had to teach her lovers how to give her satisfaction.  It never compared to her fantasies.  After discovering the BDSM/Ds lifestyle, she realized her “truth” and the pathway that lay ahead.  she decided to seek a Master.  her desires for more and more intense stimulations grew. 

Seeking Song … After many disappointments within her relationships, (the mate not having the true skills as a Dominant or Master), she comes to understand that an experienced Man would be necessary.  she comes to realize that an experienced Master is different from a Playboy or Sugar-Daddy and is most often quite older.   she researches the subject and does her homework.  she becomes well educated on many topics that interest her, especially the roles that are lived and what they entail.  she decides that fulfillment could not be achieved as a bottom or submissive, she had to become a worthy slave to a worthy Master.  she desires above all else, to have a mentor and leader that she will love, admire, trust and respect.  she knows that through cherished adoration, she could and would surrender herself to Him completely. 

Finding Song …  she introduced herself to many Dominants and Masters.  Exploring this new and exciting world, she realized that most who profess to be a Master, had not been trained and were not worthy of admiration.  Most of them were users, vultures, or frauds.  Then one day “The Master” was found, she knew He was for her and moreover, she was for Him.  she strongly felt that this Man could and should become her God Almighty!    He was not only the one she was to love and be devoted to, but more-so be in a state of total and complete surrender to.  she wants with all of her heart-body-mind- and spirit to become this Masters’ slave. 

Petitioning Song …  she comes to understand the true nature of the Master and slave relationship, that the Master does not ever ask for her surrender, it must not only be offered by the potential slave, it must be begged for, that the Master would take on the responsibility of her and her actions.  A Master does not seduce, nor prey upon the weak or uninitiated.  It is required of a potential slave to beg for leadership, mentoring, and control through a petitioning.  she petitions the Master, abjectly naked and prostate, with grace, humility, and utmost respect.  In her petition she details what she freely offers to Him without reservation, hesitation, resistance, nor regret.  she is enthralled when He accepts her petition and her as a prospective slave trainee.  she knows she will be sorely tested for sincerity, conviction, commitment, and resolve and that she must earn her place at her Masters’ feet. 

Experiencing Song …  The heat the Master brings into the relationship is amazing; her soaring among the stars with adrenaline and endorphins boggles her mind.  she wonders how any girl could live a happy life without such experiences.  As she learns and grows through her extensive and intensive training, she develops a worshipful nature towards her Master.  Far beyond respect and admiration of her Masters’ qualities, character, and persona, total surrender to him occurs naturally and is longed for every moment of her life. 

Collaring Song …  All questions of obedience and surrender have been answered.  Testing is no longer utilized or needed.  The Master has realized complete trust and faith in his charge and knows she is completely and intrinsically fidelis to Him..  she no longer considers hesitation nor resistance to her Master’s will.  she trusts her Master to make many choices for her as she lives her life with him.  she feels permanently owned!  she marvels at the trust her Master has in her total surrender and she is overjoyed with peace and happiness.  He places his collar around her neck and brands her hip with his mark of ownership.  she now belongs to her Master and He may do anything with her that he wishes.  she has finally earned the right to address him as Master, she has finally earned the right to address herself as a slave! 

Soaring Song …  Life is marvelously wonderful as Master and slave.  Both are extremely fulfilled and content with their relationship.  Love, Devotion, and Surrender is the Path.  Soaring among the stars in exuberant bliss and ecstasy heals the wounds of the past and relieves the stressors of the present.  Belief in each other is profound and unfaltering… such a life brings assurance of the future. 

Living Song …  As the months and years pass, exciting adventures are experienced and happiness is beyond compare.  They share their greatly enjoyed experiences with their sincere and trusted friendships.  Master and slave grow old together and vow to seek each other in the next realm.  Their memories of marvelous stories enrich all that hear and they mentor others so that a legacy is born.   

                        Lord Shiva

Introducing the Initiate to the Lifestyle

The first thing one must learn is the common language of scene participants. We will start with the most basic of terms and phrases. "BDSM" stands for Bondage, Discipline, and Sado-masochism... (S&m is also said to mean "Sex Magic").

"Bondage" refers to the tying, clamping, strapping, binding, and otherwise restraining the body to restrict movement. This can include reducing the possibility of escape or self-defense. But as for the most part a method to restrain one from resisting outward stimulus. Some people enjoy placing themselves in a position of submission to another person for the purpose of sexual arousal. Bondage may greatly enhance that person's ability to enter what we call subspace.

"Discipline" is about an exchange of power between people, wherein one learns submission to another through leadership and training. Discipline may or may not include punishment. True discipline is a state of being which does not require punishment. Constant punishment connotes a lack of discipline.

"Sado-masochism" is the use of intense stimulation to evoke sexual excitement. What one person perceives as pain another perceives as pleasure. What one person perceives as pain may later be perceived as pleasure due to the way it is administered by a competent Sadist. A "Sadist" may be someone who enjoys the transmission of strong stimulus to another in a way which is perceived as pleasure by the receiver but may also be someone who derives satisfaction from torturing another person. This may not be enjoyed at all by the recipient in which case the more the bottom struggles and cries out for mercy the more satisfying the experience for the Sadist. The person receiving the stimulus is known as a "Masochist". They both enjoy strong sensations, some of which are not necessarily found pleasurable.

Sado-Masochism does not necessarily involve erotic Dominance and submission, in which case, the relationship is that of a Top and a bottom. The word "Top" is the person wielding the toy or weapon, which produces the intense stimulation. The word "bottom" is the person who receives the stimulus. When the Top and bottom get together for this purpose it is known as a "Scene" which is a type of improvisational theatre. When people participate in these activities regularly they are known as members of "The Scene" or "The Community".

When one enters into a Top and bottom relationship and utilizes an exchange of personal power and control over themselves and their own actions this is known as "D&s", or Erotic Dominance and submission. There are various levels of Dominance and various levels of submission. For the Dominant they are basically the Top, the Dominant or Domme, the Lord or Lady and the Master or Mistress. There are some who even achieve titles generally recognized by others who are considered their peers as a Patriarch or Matriarch; such as the Grand-Master or Grand-Mistress. Of course there are also those who perform duties such as safety officers during group play sessions thereby known as the Dungeon Master or Mistress.

As there are various levels of Dominance and submission in BDSM/Ds relationships, there are also many levels of intensity in the scenes and lifestyles of the participants. There are few rules and plenty of room for all the different methods and styles of the players, ("players" meaning a member of the scene). Play can include not only hot sex, but teasing, seducing, frustrating, restricting, tormenting and even discipline. Usually the play ends with a level of unparalleled eroticism and intimacy which both find extraordinarily satisfying and fulfilling.

Within scene relationships the lifestyle may vary from playing games on the internet or in the bedroom to a full fledged Master/Mistress and slave relationship. Dominance and submission does not necessarily include bondage or Sado-masochistic play. As well, Sado-masochistic play does not necessarily include Erotic Dominance and submission. During such Sado-masochistic scenes a wide variety of toys and or weapons may be utilized such as clamps, canes, floggers, paddles, pinchers, pokers, whips, prodders and hot wax. The possibilities are endless.

The D&s scene involves more mentally stimulating aspects of play wherein S&m pertains more to the physical sensations. The D&s scene may involve such aspects as abjectification, which pertains to the Dominant; including kneeling, bowing, the kissing of the Dominants feet by the submissive, and worshipping of the Dominant or their body parts. Objectification pertains to the submissive, including pony-doggie-kitty play or otherwise using the person as an object such as furniture like a table, and in the extreme; an ashtray or toilet. The D & S scene may also include roleplay such as the Sultan’s harem girl, daddy’s little girl, or teacher’s pet. The D & S scene is a game and/or lifestyle where the couple gets off on controlling or being controlled of by the other.

Within the scene context, pain may no longer be pain, it is in the perception of the stimulus where we find definition. When one is bitten as a child by another child the stimulus is perceived as pain. But as adults during the act of making love, your lover bites, scratches or spanks your sensitive areas because of it’s strong erotic sensation it is perceived as a pleasurable experience. By definition this could be considered a masochistic episode and the biting, scratching or spanking of the lover considered a sadistic event. When these events are orchestrated by skilled Top or Master new levels of ecstasy are achieved.

The mental state a Dominant or Sadist attains is known as Domspace. Consequently, the bottom or slave’s surrender to the scene leads them into subspace. Chemicals known as endorphins and seratonin are released within the brain, which yields strong feelings of euphoria. This amazing trip they go on together joining perceptions of pain or pleasure into one uniquely powerful experience is known as "Sex Magic" which is another meaning for S&m. All of these aspects of the scene and the relationships within the community overlap with each other sometimes inseparably. There are as many different kinds of relationships as there are people within the scene. Yet they all have one thing in common, turning fantasy into reality through sex magic.

The difference between play, lifestyle and profession is the level of commitment to the relationship within the scene context. "Play" is just that, when two people enjoy an activity together, although it may be very real to them and a driving force in defining who they are, it is momentary and possibly style" however, connotes more of a 24/7 ideal. A "Professional" experience is one in which a person receives play or aspects of the lifestyle due to monetary tribute. This is usually found within the Dominatrix / slave arrangement.

Within the modern scene, a creed recently developed has become a devotion to most societies and guilds and is known as "SSC": Safe, Sane, and Consensual, always all three. Previously this creed was practiced unceremoniously by most, yet there remains a darker segment within the community who would laugh at what they would perceive as a contradiction to true Sado-masochism. These elements of the community derive mostly from "Old Leather", otherwise known as the "Old Guard" and other even more elder societies and guilds or orders. But for the most part, SSC is a very basic fundamental guideline into the lifestyle for novices and initiates.

The word "Safe" involves not only a knowledge and deep understanding of the aspects of play in which you are participating and the use of the toys and weapons utilized, but the body mechanics utilized by the Dom and the positions of the submissive / bottom as well. It also concerns the levels in which each participant can achieve during play that would not be detrimental to their physical, spiritual, medical or mental well being.

The word "Sane" means knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. There is a great danger derived from those who would read a book or play games on the internet and then attempt to conduct these same activities in real life without proper training and mentoring by knowledgeable and experienced real time players. There are no limitations to what one may do safely in fantasyland unless playing with a mentally incompetent or deranged person. But it is quite a different story when one yields their very life and health to another person holding chains and a whip.

The word "Consensual" may be applied to play involving a bottom/submissive or slave. The bottom consents to receiving specific aspects of play or types of stimulus. The submissive yields to the Dominant on a case by case basis. The slave consents to their Master / Mistress as a way of life, retaining the right to walk away from the relationship. One may consent to not only a certain type of stimulation but to the level of intensity itself. Thus came about the practice of utilizing "Safe-Words".

A "Safe-Word" is a spoken word or perceivable action that is prearranged during the negotiation phase of the scene. It is spoken or signaled between the participants to communicate consent to continue but at a slower level, a signal of distress, or to stop play all together. Universally accepted phrases acknowledged among most communities are as follows: green – “I am willing to continue in the direction in which we are proceeding”; yellow – “I am worried that I can’t take much more, slow down and let me take a breather”; red – “I really want you to stop all play”.

Violations and ignoring safe-words constitutes unconsensual play. Such violations are not tolerated in most dungeons and societies. The difference between consensuality and nonconsensuality is the difference between titillation and abuse. Nonconsensuality is a criminal act, it is assault and battery, rape and if accompliced within the society / dungeon, conspiracy.

Everyone has his or her own favorite safe-word. I personally use "Caution" to mean something is too intense, I need you to lighten up, but I don’t want you to stop the scene. I use "Index" to temporarily halt the scene for discussion or to catch our breath, and I use "Abort" to mean I am in trouble, I want the scene to stop now, no more games, I want out of here.

Some people have just one safe word, maybe something weird that would never be used in the context of the scene such as aardvark. At many play parties the universally recognized safe-word is “safe-word.” It’s all up to you, but must be recognized by both parties before the scene begins. All it is, is a safety valve for when things get out of control. If your Top doesn’t respect your safe-word, they probably won’t respect your other limits as well! I suggest you play with someone else who acknowledges your boundaries.

I have had slaves who found it very difficult to utilize any form of safe-word or signal due to their perception of utilizing the safe-word or signal as being a weakness or integrity violation. Or they are just so caught up in the scene a safe word never crosses their mind. They may feel such utilization may cause their Top to be disappointed in them.

One should realize that the Top may not always be in tune with the bottom. The Top may be feeling burned out or tired. The Top may be distracted or even ill. The Top may be surprised or unprepared. No one can be perfect all of the time. Using a safe word is not a sign of disrespect. It is recognition of the partnership within the relationship.

It should also be mentioned that safe-words are not only for the bottom, the Top may choose to use one as well. When using the safe-word it is not necessarily a signal to disconnect from each other. Moreover, it may be a request for deeper intimacy and a good time for tender "after-care". A safe-word is a communication tool, nothing more nothing less.

I feel the safe-word is an appropriate necessity within the ranks of initiates and novices flocking to the "Scene" in droves. Possibly, once a long term committed relationship is built over time, and both parties have been acknowledged as well-trained and experienced individuals, such safety precautions may not be so adamantly required.

When gagged or otherwise unable to speak or due to a noisy environment some type of signal should be used. If gagged, generally recognized succession of grunts in groups of threes signifies a safe word. A toy held in a hand may be dropped. The choices are limited only by your imagination. This should be prearranged before play. If you are playing with someone you have a relationship with, talk about the possibility of using a safe-word in advance and comfort each other that it is ok for it to be used. It will make recovery simpler and easier.

If your play partner condemns you or is condescending in regards to a mistake they themselves have made, you should reconsider future scenes with them. If your relationship doesn’t learn from its mistakes it may not be ready to proceed further. This is fundamental to all relationships, D & s or not and constitutes the difference between play and abuse.

Not everybody uses safe-words. Open communication within a lifestyle relationship may negate the necessity for them. As a couple gets to know each other more thoroughly the need for negotiations and safe-words diminishes. For some the lack of a safe-word especially during edge play, in which one takes another to the edge of their limits, has a strong erotic value. Although styles vary with experience for most, safe-words are very helpful in the beginning.

A "Scene" is negotiated between the Top and bottom, Dominant or Domme and submissive. The lifestyle is negotiated between Master or Mistress and slave. There are many steps and aspects of a good negotiation phase for play. This interaction between people can have a profound consequence. Thereby it is prudent to wisely select your play partner. Some require light play others prefer to push it to the edge of their abilities and tolerances. The scene develops a spirit of it’s own during the process of this interaction.

Good prior negotiations enhance the prospects of having a rewarding experience. This may or may not involve things of a sexual nature, may or may not involve Dominance and submission or Sado-masochistic play. One may not be able to participate in stringent bondage due to previous injuries or medical conditions. All of these considerations should be previously addressed before the scene begins. With experience, each person will learn what works and doesn’t work for them. Relaying this prior knowledge to another insures mutual satisfaction.

Discuss openly and honestly what you want to happen, what your limits are, and what safe-words you will use. In lieu of bargaining seek mutually satisfying elements of play and begin there. A "Play-List" is a valuable tool that details and itemizes personal interest according to the level of erotic value each item holds for you, but no form can replace heart to heart communication. Try not to give short yes or no answers during the negotiation phase. The negotiation phase is not a part of Dominance and submission, it is one person, an equal, relaying to another person their innermost feelings and desires.

There are some people among the more experienced segment of the community, which feel that intensive negotiations ruin the moment and detract from the spirit of the play. This is great between two people who truly know each other, but the reality is that not all members of the community will have your best interests at heart. Not all members of the community will have attained the level of competency they claim. Not all members of the community understand your true desires. Therefore, err on the side of prudence. As well, negotiations done properly allow both parties more confidence in the scene / relationship. Plus it helps to learn more about each other.

Limits are aspects of the lifestyle and play that one does not consent to participate in. This may include things like golden showers (piss play) and suffocation or something as simple as no ice on my nipples. It is generally accepted that playing with minors or incompetent adults is nonconsensual. Other illegal activities are not considered acceptable behavior in most communities. Things that someone will absolutely not do or not participate in are known as hard limits. Things that one does not like to do and are on the border of the edge for them may be pressed when with someone they really trust, but this should be negotiated beforehand, or within the context of a Master / slave relationship.

Some say "Pain IS Pleasure"? Why would anyone want to be spanked, prodded, poked, whipped, clipped, waxed or electrocuted? How can one enjoy being humiliated, semi-tortured and play-raped? Perhaps these words are too strong for some segments within the "Scene" or interpersonal relationships... perhaps not. That is not the point of this discussion, what the point is that simply put, some need more physical and / or mental stimulus than others do to be sexually fulfilled. Whether it has anything to do with one being jaded from previous encounters is also a mute point here.

It’s understood that people often find bruises on their body after intense sex. They sometimes have no recollection of how they got the bruise because of the intensity of their coalition. What happened was that your partner bit you hard enough to bruise you, but all you felt was pleasure. They may have scratched, scraped or pinched you or maybe even spanked you but instead of saying ouch you said ohhhh or ahhh. When you are sexually aroused your pain tolerance goes way up and the stimulation you normally perceive, as pain is now pleasure. A runner, a boxer, a mountain climber or any other person who participates in intensely physical pursuits will come to understand the endorphin high one may get when what is normally considered pain is perceived as pleasure. Just ask any soldier. A good infantryman by profession, has to be a masochist.

Pain can be a reward when dealing with a masochist. Sometimes one must ignore their partner in order to punish them, because they like to get whipped and spanked. When continued punishment must be utilized there is no discipline within the relationship. Therefore, discontinuation of the formal relationship may be necessary. In extreme cases even banishment has become necessary. The threat of such actions may be just the thing to cause tremors of the knees and gnashing of the teeth. Endorphins are not the only reason a masochist finds intense sensation to be desirable. Different people do not find the same things to be pleasurable. Some like a sting that carries them into a blissful dream-like state, others long for a heavy throbbing thud in which they may descend into a state of bliss. One may need to suffer as well. Emotional needs vary greatly. Different strokes for different folks. What’s a caress to one is intolerable to another and vice-versa. Negotiations should be on going.

Although the activities of the lifestyle and sharing within the community may arouse profound healing and nurturing in the process deep-seated traumas may be brought to the forefront. Most often these traumas occurred previous to the relationship, but as in all relationships greatly affect our views on current relationships and life in general. According to how one handles a situation in which old wounds have been opened, one may lose their relationship or achieve an unparalleled level of healing. These occurrences may happen without warning and the triggers are often hidden deep within the recesses and shadows of our persona. When the scene becomes intense be careful, you’re standing on thin ice. Awareness is the key. Learn to be respectful, loving and careful with those who are under your control and care.

We all make decisions, which have either rewards or consequences. Do not use high-pressure sales techniques to get what you want, because you may get something you don’t want. Don’t try to make something happen that is not there. Give it time, be honest and go with the spirit of the moment.

Power cannot be taken from another, it must be given to you! Remember, "the powerless have no power to give". Seek the power of Love, not the love of power!

the Buddhist Prayer says:

Love is sweet...

Devotion is sweeter...

Surrender is Sweetest!

I personally equate that with bottoming, subbing, and slavery.

I pray you have enjoyed this exploration with me. Lord Shiva

HEAVEN AND HELL

 (ON EARTH AS IT IS IN THE AFTERLIFE) 

    *my opinions* 

WHAT IS TRUTH IN OUR MINDS "IS" OUR TRUTH, WHETHER WE KNOW IT OR NOT... WE CREATE OUR OWN HEAVENS OR HELLS WITHIN OUR LIVES BY THE WAY WE CHOOSE TO RESPOND TO STIMULUS THAT IS BEYOND OUR CONTROL...  THESE HEAVENS OR HELLS CARRY WITH OUR SOULS INTO THE AFTERLIFE AND CAN LAST FOR ETERNITIES...  WE "CHOOSE" WHAT TO HIDE FROM, WHAT TO FACE, TO BE A HAPPY PERSON OR A GROUCH...  WE CHOOSE OUR FEARS AND OUR VICTORIES, ULTIMATELY, WE ALONE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW WE FEEL!  REDEMPTION IS NOT FOUND BY FORGIVING OTHERS OR OTHERS FORGIVING US (INCLUDING GOD), IT IS ONLY FOUND WHEN WE RELEASE OURSELVES FROM GUILT AND FORGIVE OURSELVES! BEING STRONG ALL THE TIME CAN BE JUST ANOTHER PLACE TO HIDE...  ALWAYS HAVING TO BE IN THE "RIGHT" CREATES A HELL FOR US AND ALWAYS PROVING OTHERS TO BE WRONG, PUTS THEM IN YOUR HELL WITH YOU...  THEY DECIDE IF THEY WILL LIVE IN YOUR HELL WITH YOU OR IF THEY WILL LEAVE IT.  IF THEY DO, THEY MAY FIND THEIR OWN HELL OR THEY MAY CHOOSE REDEMPTION.  SOMETIMES, WE CONCENTRATE UPON OUR PAINS SO MUCH THAT WE PUSH AWAY THE HEAVENS IN OUR LIVES...  IS IT OUR BODIES THAT EXPERIENCE OUR HELLS?  I THINK NOT, IT IS OUR SOULS, HOW CHILDISH AND ARROGENT TO BELIEVE SOMEONE WILL MAGICALLY TAKE ALL THIS AWAY FOR US WHEN WE DIE.  IF IT IS OUR SPIRIT THAT IS IN TORMENT, DYING WILL NOT RELIEVE OUR SUFFERING, ONLY WHEN THE SUFFERING IS OF THE FLESH WILL DYING RELIEVE US.  BUT IF OUR TORMENTS ARE WITHIN THE SOUL, IT LIVES ON ETERNALLY WITH THE TORMENT.
GIVING THE RESPONSIBILITY TO A "GOD" TO FIX IT...  IS NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE "FREE WILL" THAT THE GREAT MYSTERY PROVIDED.  WE ARE ALLOWED TO RETURN AGAIN AND AGAIN, IF WE CHOOSE, TO PERFECT OURSELVES, UNTIL WE ARE HAPPY WITH OUR ETERNITIES...  BEING BORN AGAIN AND AGAIN.  THIS IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE SECLUDE THEMSELVES IN KLOISTERS CONCENTRATING UPON SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION AND GROWTH, CALMING OF THE MIND AND SPIRIT, AND LETTING GO OF SUFFERING.  BUT SOME SPIRITS GET LOST, THEY LOOSE THEIR WAY, THEY ARE CONFOUNDED AND CONFUSED...  WHEN THEY DIE THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT THEIR DEATH AND GET STUCK HERE BETWEEN WORLDS, OR THEY CREATE A HELL FOR THEMSELVES AND THEY GO THERE TO WALLOW IN THEIR SUFFERING AND SELF PITY.  "GOOD PEOPLE" END UP IN HELL BECAUSE THEY WON'T FORGIVE THEMSELVES!  SOMETIMES WHEN YOU WIN, YOU LOOSE...  SOMETIMES WHEN YOU LOOSE, YOU WIN.  

 NAMASTE' 

LORD SHIVA

D&s Heals and Strengthens

a “Relationship“; 

Abuse is a “Situation”!

How do you know if you are being abused?    Ask yourself the following questions:  Does our scenes / play / lifestyle make me feel good about   myself?  Do I truly enjoy these activities and lifestyle?  Do the activities increase your self-esteem or destroy your self-image?   Are your needs respected and addressed?   Is honest and open communication a part of your relationship?   Can you operate within society, i.e.: work, family, friends, in a way that YOU consider to be normal, can you talk to others freely?   Do you have control or input with life decisions?   Does your partner frequently have emotional outbursts and blame you for all problems?   Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells?   Are you enjoying your life?   Does your partner help to make you a better person or drain you to weakness?   Does your partner seem concerned about your problems and address them in a constructive / logical manner?    Does your partner discipline you in Anger?  Do you fight with each other on a regular basis?   Does your partner blame you?    Does your partner overreact to small offenses?    Are you expected to meet each and every need of your partner?   Does your partner play “Get Even” with you, or do you both work things out in a loving manner – even when utilizing punishment?   Is your relationship a jealous one?   Is your mate passive – assertive – or aggressive…  do you know the difference?   Have you experienced what is commonly referred to as Domestic Violence?   Except in the case wherein consent has been relinquished as a “gift”, (in lieu of payment or force), are your rights to consent honored or not?   Are you Battered?   Do you feel trapped with no way to escape safely?   Are you constantly criticized without a balance of commendation?   Does your partner destroy your belongings?   Has your partner ever threatened your children or other family?   Has your partner ever stolen your money or belongings for their own personal and selfish gain?   Does your partner break your faith in them?   Does your partner utilize self-control in their methods and communications? 

I believe the previous questions will help the reader to begin thinking and exploring the possibilities to improve their relationships.   Some of these questions, whether answered affirmatively or not, may apply to each of us at some point in our personal evolution.   Abuse is not Dominance and submission, Sadomasochistic play is not abuse…  in fact, abuse seems to me to be all-the-more prevalent within the context of the vanilla relationship.   A good D&s / S&m relationship is well founded upon mutual trust, respect and healthy communication, wherein these questions are explored more thoroughly.   A “Master” / “Mistress” is held to a much higher standard of conduct than the average person!   People involved within the scene are seeking evolution and enlightenment from an alternative source.    Our play is designed to bring about mutual satisfaction and pleasure without reservation nor restriction, embracing our true sexuality.   A D&s Relationship helps each of us explore our inner or higher-selves together.   This sharing of the pathway is essential to us in bringing about an unparalleled level of intimacy and eroticism!   Our scenes are controlled, safe, consensual (the slave consents to ownership),  and unimpaired by intoxication.   When prudent; safeguards, such as prior

negotiations, Dungeon Masters, Safe Words, etc…  are utilized effectively .   Others are concerned and share in responsibilities to help, protect, counsel, and safeguard one another.   The resulting relationships based upon the

cornerstone of the D&s lifestyle, should be much less traumatizing than the average vanilla relationship!  I hope your explorations into our community will not only prove fruitful and meaningful, but healing, nurturing, and loving as well.  Be Blessed, safe, and loved.    

                                                                                      …..Lord Shiva

THE FOLLOWING ARE MY INTERPRETATIONS OF
               "SUBMISSION VS. SLAVERY"
 
Some people insist that there is only one proper meaning for each of the terms "bottom", "slave" & "submissive", {of which I agree to a certain extent}.  But it is only fair to note that others believe that there are many meanings to different people.  This message is merely an attempt to get you to thinking, as I am certainly not the final word or authority.  I am not claiming that these are the 'right' definitions; only that these are simply "My" definitions, the ones' I use and expect my subs/slaves to use within 'our' relationships. 
 
In order for you to be a 'slave', it would be  necessary for you to be collared!  You would by definition, have to have a "Master"...  He would have to know you extremely well and place great trust and fidelity in you to present you with such a wonderful gift as a collar! A woman told me recently that she was a slave but had no Master or Domme at present!  I wondered how she thought that possible?  I agree, she could have the mindset or inclination, she might even have had perfected the art; but unless you are totally surrendered to a Master, well you get my point... She should use the dictionary!
 
Being a slave is indeed a great honor, it signifies that one possesses the utmost level of courage, (surpassing the Master himself)!   It means that in your Master's eyes, you have achieved your own mastery of submission; which I translate to mean total surrender of will and control to your Master...  In my opinion, you should  never take it upon yourself to bestow such an extremely honorable and sacred title to your person, otherwise, you  might be perceived as vain and presumptuousness, or even silly! 
 
Being a "Master" is an absolutely wonderful feeling!  There is nothing in the world better than when the Master and slave achieve a level of communion through total commitment to each other, {"SURRENDER"}, and intensely unconditional Love, which allows them to "Walk In Each Other's Soul"!!!!!   But being a Master is nothing compared to the title of "slave" !!!!!!   
 
Submission is wonderful and can also get you where you want to go, it just seems a little bit more difficult without the surrendering of one to the other.  Submission is an ongoing gift of service, a slave has no choice, she has surrendered!  Therefore, A slave is not on the same continuum with a submissive or bottom. 
 
The bottom is someone I play with.  Although we may Love each other, we are not mutually "in love" with each other.  Although we may have a sexual relationship, we are not in a Long Term Sexual Relationship...  Our 'play' very well may be entirely BDSM without sexual favors being involved.  Many professionals maintain Top/bottom relationships with their clients.  Sometimes people that do not even know each other, play together via mutual consent, at parties and dungeons; this is an example of the Top/bottom relationship...
 
The 'Lifestyle' the submissive (or bottom) lives is one full of passion, eroticism, adventure, and lust. This is entirely wonderful and greatly coveted by the Dom (or Top), especially me!  Like the bottom, the submissive gives her thrilling and enticing gift of submission one submission at a time, each time it is a separate gift in and of itself...  cherished and greatly appreciated!  They are free to negotiate for each act and really, they set the tone and parameters of their play environments.  Therefore, they are the 'true' Masters within the relationship!  Although this is truly a sincere and very wonderful gift of loyalty and service... it is like comparing apples to grapes...  Both the submissive, (or bottom), and the slave are sought before all others! They are indeed a rare gem to be admired and prized!
 
A "slave" is entirely different from a submissive...  A "slave" is a person who is not only submissive to her Master but moreover, has entirely and completely 'SURRENDERED' unto him. Herein lies the Glory!  Her gift is one million fold... she gives 'ONE GIFT' only once, herself, her 'SURRENDER'!!!!!  A slaves' obedience to any single order or command is not a 'gift', she has no choice, the Master has an absolute right to expect her obedience.  This is not particularly done for selfish reasons!  He does it to help her reinforce her weaknesses and to perfect her art of submission.  Such an extremely unselfish act on Both people brings about an unparalleled intimacy and intensity into the "D & s" relationship that cannot be equaled!  The rewards for complete surrender are vast and incomparable! 
 
Because most of us have to deal with the "real world" problems of raising children and earning a living; sometimes a 24/7 Master/slave relationship is not plausible.  Not only is this ok, it is commendable.  It is good when a slave can maintain direction within her commitments!  But when they're alone, at play, or within other acceptable environments, she totally "SURRENDERS" her will and all control/power to her Master! 
 
Being such a tremendous gift, it should never be taken lightly!  The giver should know the receiver intimately and completely, trusting him to never abuse his authority over her.  If there are activities in which a slave feels are entirely unsuitable; she should select a Master that would not wish to experiment therein!  Likewise, a Master should not accept a submissive as a slave unless he knew she could 'surrender' into the avenues that he chooses to explore.  
 
If punishment is persistently required, and the situation did not improve, the Master would/should consider de-collaring her and resuming the relationship as a "Dominant/submissive", until such time both are truly ready for the Master/slave commitment. Otherwise, the situation would be in dire danger of becoming abusive.  There should never be issues of control or power struggles within a Master/slave relationship! 
 
There is a big difference between S&m and abuse.  She must know, not only her heart, but his as well.  Of course, she is Always allowed one choice for herself, that is to "take-back" her gift of Surrender and walk away... 
 
 
LEVELS OF SUBMISSION
 
I. A non-submissive masochist is someone who is turned on by certain physical sensations without the loss of control over what is going on...
 
II. A semi-submissive non-slave who is into "roleplaying".  They dictate how they wish to be submissive, ie: humiliation (being spanked in a schoolgirls outfit by 'the Principle / teacher', servitude (cleaning in a maids uniform), etc...
 
III. A pretend-slave likes to feel owned during play (Hero-worship).  She likes to pretend she is a slavegirl and subservient but only under her own terms.  she still dictates the scene to a large degree and is sometimes into fetishes.  
 
IV. A submissive negotiates her relinquishment of control and the activities she participates in.  she is into submitting to her Dominant and is turned on by her vulnerability to him.  she is usually mostly interested in their activities in order to satisfy her own desires, but sometimes she may feel slave-like and truely surrender to her Dominant.  When this happens, she is more concerned with how he feels, and she derives her pleasure from being pleasing to him.   she is still free to quit at anytime...
 
V. A "SAT" or slave-in-training is a submissive  that has reached this point wherein  it is the norm rather than the exception, that she surrenders herself to him.  I prefer a submissive reach, at least this point, before she dares refer to me as "Master".  she has an ongoing commitment to her Dominant and begins to feel owned.  She truely wants nothing more than to obey her 'Master',  but, she still devotes the same amount of time to her other commitments and responsibilities to other people and institutions (the Dominant receives most of her free time for his pleasure or requirements/training).  
 
VI. A slave is someone who surrenders to her Master with very few limitations on a fulltime basis.  she is eager to obey and fully considers herself to be his property!  Sexually or otherwise, she exsists for his benefit!  She regards herself with great pride, as her Master's prize and fully trusts him to make all of her decisions for her (knowing that he will discuss important ones with her and take her wishes into consideration).  Often times the Master/slave are married, but they should always at least be fully involved in a committed long term relationship!
 
VII. A 24/7 no-limits slave is indeed very rare .  she is considered a purist and will do absolutely anything the Master tells her to do!   she has fully, completely, and unconditionally relinquished and surrendered all self-control to her Master and exsists purely for his pleasure.  she has no limits except his, they walk in each others' soul!
 

 
Love (Bottoming) is Sweet... 
Devotion (Submission) is Sweeter... 
  and Surrender (Slavery) is absolutely Sweetest!
 
 

Why participate in D/s play or "The Lifestyle"?
...thoughts of Lord Shiva

Love is sweet...
Devotion is sweeter...
? and Surrender is sweetest!

?I shall speak to you through the filters of experiences I have had as a shaman, healer, Shidoshi, ascetic, priest, and Master of Discipline.? The mystical often does not "make sense" at surface level, thus requiring greater introspection for understanding.? ?It is very easy for someone who is without 'true' understanding of the nuances of a subject or issue, to judge and pronounce sentence upon others.? People are generally very lazy when someone else's perspectives are being examined.? Usually, it is easier to simply decide that the other is "Wrong". I have personally gone through many stages in my life, fully convinced that my 'new' line of thought was 'the' correct one, only later to discover that I had been in error.? The pathwalker constantly seeks truth and 'evolves' as he receives?enlightenment, coming to understand the futility of dogma and conflict!

That which one does not 'understand', one loathes or fears...
That which one fears, one hates...
That which one hates, one tries to destroy!
This totally violates the basic gift of "Creation" to all life: "Free Will".? To believe or not, to feel or not, to follow or not, to act or not...? these are basic principles of "Freedom"! I have said these things in my introduction, hoping to inspire the reader to reach a state of having an 'open mind'.? Please read the following without jumping to conclusions and try to grasp the 'spirit' of my communiqu?

MESSAGE:
?
?The ancient Samurai of feudal Japan lived by a code known as bushido.. They believed in the recognition of death as a pathway to life.? From my perspective, what this means is this: Every Samurai knew that there was only one inescapable truth - that he must Die!? By giving up the control of his life and death to his Lord, he was released physically and spiritually to attain new heights of enlightenment and fulfillment.?

{Bruce Lee once said: "Consciousness of ones' self is the greatest hindrance of all physical action!"}.? [I believe it true of Mental action as well].
?
?When the Samurai entered the battlefield, he released himself from the fear of dying, (as his life no longer belonged to him, but to his Lord)... The responsibility for his life was now in the hands of the Lord or Shogun.? This release of personal will enabled the Samurai to fight with unparalleled conviction and strength!? He only sought duty, honor, and victory for his lord.??This lack of worry for his personal safety actually served to make him a much more effective warrior, thereby enhancing his personal safety.? He achieved much more than he would have been capable of by being careful.? In short, he felt "Free"!?This state of "Freedom" or "letting go" is experienced widely throughout other diverse cultures and sub-cultures via a great many differing methodologies.? These different points of view come from a deeply personal [maybe mystical] experience during the life of an initiate.? Erotic Dominance and submission is only one of many methods to achieve this richly rewarding state of altered consciousness.? It is the 'relinquishment of control' that is the "key" to unlock this door to fulfillment.?Because the very nature of D&s or D/s ("Erotic Dominance and submission") is sexuality,? the 'release' is a new place of altered emotional content.? To many, its effects are unequivitabally sublime.? A Love Supreme: "Surrender"!? It is a way to "Walk in Each Others' Souls"!

~All serious daring starts from within.~?? Eudora Welty

?Whether through the utilization of deprivation, pain, pleasure, or otherwise humbling of the persona, the initiate is taken to an alternate psychological and emotional plane of existence known as "sub-space" wherein they submit to the authority of their Lord or Dom/Domme, and relinquish personal power and control over themselves.? The "release" inspires the initiate to go into sub-space at every opportunity.? My first slave said that she wished she could stay there permanently!? ?The level of intimacy and trust between lovers required to surrender to the other, thus releasing the self, is what builds the relationship and makes the relationship stronger than all others!? I have often known when my submissives thought of me, even when they were in another state or province! We will often know what the other is thinking and feeling before any body language or words are perceived.? We know about the other, that which cannot be known, seeing with our "third eye". ?When we fear, we are being selfish, desiring safety before the needs of others.? D&s helps us break this bondage.? When one 'surrenders' themselves to another, they "kill" their old self and become something entirely new and supreme!...? Yes, I would say: "Better"!?
Your old perspective, now dead, has no meaning for you, and all of the bindings to it are broken...? the bad experiences of one's lifetime are forgotten and healed in the process / lifestyle.? The brain-washing of our society and its' pressures dissipate.? The need to judge others disappears and free-thought takes its' place.??Not knowing, and not needing to know what is to take place is extremely stimulating.? A state of detachment IS Freedom!? In this state, one sees truth with great clarity...? it is yoga, a pathway to touch the Great Mystery, (God).? Herein you can learn without preconceived notions binding you to what family and society expects of you.? Truth never has been for the masses!? No judgements, no preferences, no dogma, no misunderstanding, just "Pure Reality" or "Universal Truth".? Through this pathway or lifestyle, one is REBORN anew, life becomes fresh and exciting again.? A feeling of purity is realized and feelings of well being are enhanced.?

"...If i lack the daring to conquer those things which lie within, then i shall remain forever bound by them... You give me that courage and i love you, my King!!"?
?? Parvati, Queen of slaves

?I Am Master, but it is I who truly surrenders...? I am providing that which the slave needs and wants.? It is her total and complete welfare that is my primary concern.? In a way, from my perception, I am serving her!? It is not an easy thing to entirely earn another's total and complete trust.? This state cannot be manufactured, it cannot exist on a linear continuum, it is a point along an evolution within "A CIRCLE"!? The Master surrenders to the needs of the slave and the slave surrenders control to the Master... there can be no valleys without mountains.??To truly be someone's Master in every way, one must empathize with the slave, sharing her experience as well as her sharing yours...? In this way, we both "release" or surrender to the experience.? This supreme enhancement of intimacy yields an unequalled high or feeling of euphoria.??D&s is not about logic, thinking, reason, or rationalization, it is about "Truth", increased sensitivity, awareness, and perception.? Eventually, the conscious mind relinquishes control and the spirit takes over.? Sub-space is reached through raw animalistic lust and passion, yet it is not really connected to the body, but to the very spirit itself!? The two spirits become as one!?The ability to provide all of this to another person is the power of my love, not the love of my power!? Joy beyond compare is found, "the Dance of Exuberance"...?

????? The ChosenOne,
?????? Lord Shiva

?

[THIS WAS WRITTEN BY MY SECOND SLAVE]

Subject: Lord Shiva Gives Freedom

? i am parvati, once a "queen of slaves" -- once an honored servant of Lord Shiva, "The Chosen One."? This writing, as well as all works penned by my hand, are the express? possession of he who was once my Lord and Master.? All that i say, do, even the very breath i take, is for HIS pleasure, HIS enjoyment, and HIS benefit. Therefore, it goes without saying that HE has all rights and privileges to my writings...and does so with complete compliance and joyful submission from me!
? Lord Shiva is the supreme example of what a Master "should be" -- a man who encompasses strength, justice, integrity and passion. When i was once in my Master's service, was life pleasure, delicious pain, and ABSOLUTE FREEDOM!? It is that freedom that i wish to give you a glimpse of... a freedom so profound, so liberating that it changes the very soul.
? The limitations that women put on themselves in our decade are staggering. Many feel that a woman's role must encompass all aspects of life: bread winner, educator, mother, spouse. Some feel that the "nineties" woman should be strong, dominant, yet soft, understanding, formidable.? Some of us work, raise a family, keep a house and a career. Many of us have wonderful relationships, yet still miss true intimacy. Certain sex acts have often been perceived as taboo, placing more restraints on the potential of total pleasure and freedom women can experience. Many of us have been hurt, used by men in our lives
and have forgotten how to trust. Sadly, this distrust constrains us, and passion stays buried somewhere deep inside.? Submission and utter surrender to a Master worthy of that submission -- CAN AND WILL RESTORE THAT TRUST.
? i remember the day i knelt down before my Master for the first time. That glorious day i surrendered to Him my heart, my body, and my soul. Only tears of joy could express the complete freedom i felt inside. He told me it was the GREATEST gift i could ever give, even greater than giving my life for another.
? He honored my gift of surrender and ruled over me with equity, fairness, and love.? Our relationship was like no other i have ever experienced. He knew the deepest parts of my soul, for he has "walked" there. Our path together was a beautiful journey because he took me to the edge of my limits and showed me that i am strong, that i can breach yet another barrier. With each barrier i came to,? He showed me that i could TRUST him. i know that what he asked of me was for "my" good. He was perfecting me, the very core of who i was.? There is TOTAL FREEDOM in this, for the only responsibility i had was to obey -- to serve and obey.? My Master was responsible for the whip upon my back,? He dictated the level of pain, for he KNEW my limitations. He determined when i WAS to feel pleasure. He decided when i would speak and when he would respond. He determined how often i was to be in his presence, whether i was to sit silently at his feet or to bathe his body with my tongue.? My acts of obedience were not determined by my will, my morals, or my desires, but by the will of my Master. Therefore i was free!
? i LOVE Lord Shiva with my very essence and i dote on His every word. i highly praise Him and tell him often how wonderful He is. Sometimes, He does not respond, but holds back his feelings of love for me.? That can hurt. i feel so deeply for him, and every word i speak to him comes directly from my soul. But you see, as once - my Master, he was not being cruel. He was testing me -- trying my devotion -- looking to see how "real" my feelings were -- what was the "depth" of them.
? He wanted me to know my "true" self, and when he did reveal his feelings for me, my heart leapt for joy. Through these trials i learned how deeply i really "did" feel, and how much more glorious it was to be loved by my Master -- it became that much more valuable.? He taught me to love Him without expecting something in return -- He taught me unconditional love.
? Lord Shiva instills within me a unquenchable passion. There are times that the desire for his touch is so strong, that i am overcome with passion. He used that energy to harness my will, and reminded me that my body was not my own, but HIS. He brought me to a wonderful frenzy of desire and utter submission and then and only then did he let me have release. Nothing is done lightly, nothing is? "common--place", for each moment together was a new creation of devotion, desire,? and passion. He is truly a Master, for he balances pain and pleasure.-- i would stay forever betwixt the two just to "be" in his presence!
? In that moment of surrender i became nothing and everything all at once. It is sublime liberation and total joy.
? In closing, i wish to express a word of warning to those "novice" individuals who are new to the scene. There are many "so-called" dominants in cyberspace as well as in the "real" world. It is difficult at best to safely determine who is the "real" thing. Be careful who you choose to meet and how you meet them...be sure that there is a CLEAR AND DEFINITE understanding about your role and what your limits are. This is not a game.
? There are many dominants who will abuse the power that you lend them.? It is also wise to know your "true" self and what it is that you really want. There are many different levels of submission and my? Master has very aptly defined various levels and roles of the submissive in his writings. Be sure to check them out!
? This humble girl thanks the reader for your time and attention. i bow in complete and utter submission before he who was once my Master and hope that this writing is pleasing to HIM. i WAS BLESSED TO BE THE PROPERTY OF LORD SHIVA. i love HIM and desire only to someday live my life in the shadow of his love and dominance once again.

??? OM NAMAH SHIVAYA?????????????? -pARVATI, Queen of slaves

?

Advice for the "Novice" submissive ...

Becoming a submissive can be both frightening and exciting for very good reason. It is a time of great change in the lives of most people, (which, even when perceived as good, can be, and usually is very stressful). There are many pitfalls which one might find oneself stuck, which could cause misery in life, even peril!

e Confusing Cyber-Play with "R/T", (Real-Time Play): When someone you are not in submission to says: "On your knees before your Master/Mistress"… Well, I just don‘t think so! I suggest you walk away. Submission is given through trust, it cannot be stolen. To force someone into submission is not only illegal abuse and assault, it is immoral "Black Majik" of the worst kind! Trust that little voice inside, if the feelings are bad, if it seems too good to be true, expectations are many, or if many promises are made, watch out! Remember, you have the "Right" to make your own decisions and to say "No" if you want to! Study available materials and learn about the lifestyle before going past the point of no return. Find out who you are, what your true nature is, and what you really want. It is very difficult for someone else to provide you with what you want when you do not know yourself what it is! There are many good books available for study.

Secondly: there is a wide variety of activities that take place in cyber-land that have no place in a Real-Time relationship! Of course, the most erotic part of a person is their mind… we can find intense excitement from the most dreadful fantasies… but who wants to spend the evening in the Emergency Room explaining what the hell you’re doing with a Gerbil up your… well, you get the idea.

There are many charismatic would-be Doms/Dommes in cyber-land who would, given the opportunity, solicit R/T play, professing Mastery of the Arts, with no experience whatsoever! Ask for references from previous submissives or slaves and talk to them. Offer to go with them to public Play Parties and observe their technique and abilities as compared to others. Then you decide objectively if they are whom they profess to be. Playing with, especially submitting to someone like this could be very dangerous. You are allowing someone to use a weapon / toy on you, your placing your safety is in their hands. It is easy to suddenly and unexpectedly receive lasting trauma without malevolent intent, much less the danger of being the prey of a monster.

Even the most sadistic lifestyle Master/Mistress is much less likely to truly traumatize you than an inexperienced R/T player is, (no matter how well known they are in chatrooms). The true Danger lies in mistakes, usually based upon ignorance, negligence, or incompetence. {see articles: BDSM/FAQ – Flogging – spanking}

e Lack of Sincerity: Much misery is experienced through the lack of the realization of ones true potentials, especially wherein one’s lifestyle is in question. For the most part, when people realize their true natures, they never live it out in real-time. They inhabit chatrooms such as IRC and spend a lot of time fantasizing and paying lip service to their egos. But when they’re given the opportunity to act upon these desires, they freeze up or connect with the easiest target, (often the most unhealthy one). They place explicit personal ads detailing the wildest of their dreams, and do not respond to the most sincere solicitors. They wait, wait some more, then give up… having expected the perfect Master/Mistress to magically drop down from heaven to save them from their struggles. Of, course, there are many "Real-People" out there who are "Total-Human-Beings", and I am very proud to know some of them, but they seem to be in the minority. Remember: We’re all responsible for our decisions as well as the consequences of our actions.

e Unrealistic Goals or Fantasies: Every sub cannot have a suave, debonair, exotic, and rich Master / Mistress who can drop everything to take care of them. Likewise, a Dom/Domme must take into consideration the life goals of the submissive along with their current responsibilities to others and to themselves. It is not fair to have many undue expectations of another person without providing them with the training and tools to complete the desired goals. This not only applies to things of the physical realm, but the mental and spiritual realms as well.

e Abuse vs. S&m: S&m is normally thought of as SadoMasochistic Play within a B&D context. I prefer: "Sm" = Sex Majik. Sadomasochism is Sexual and Sensual Majik: a tool to enhance intimacy and connection in a "Relationship"; a methodology to fulfill deeply seated erotic longings; and richly rewarding service for those who require more intense stimulation. This "Sex Majik" is sought after and longed for by both the recipient, (or "bottom"), and the "Trainer", (or "Top"). Such activities are arranged, negotiated, controlled, and safeguarded, however, they can be quite spontaneous. Abuse is a "situation" and is out of control. (How can one expect to control another if they cannot control themselves?)… If the activity leaves you feeling good about yourself, wonderful, if not, maybe you should try it with someone else or in another manner, or possibly, forgo such activities in lieu of alternative interests. {see article: "D&s Heals…"}

e Myths: Many submissives believe, (some are even taught), that kneeling at any Dominant's feet is the expected conduct of all submissives. My belief is that one should not show such outwards signs of deep respect to someone unless you feel that they‘ve either earned this abject homage or otherwise deserve such an honored compliment.

Using the term "Master/ Mistress" is taken for granted and is utilized all too often. My personal rule is that one should not be "allowed" to call me Master unless I personally have them collared as my property. There are many other ways to adequately express respect and admiration without presuming such an intimate personal relationship exists.

e Training: It is a privilege to receive good training. A good submissive should be duly appreciative for the efforts of others, whether they’re Dom/Domme or sub. But when one is accepted as another’s property, the submissive has the right to expect to be properly trained to perform the tasks required of them. Note: "This does not mean that the Dom/Domme need micro-manage their submissive/s; personal initiative is prized". A sub should not accept responsibility for activities or actions for which they do not have the training, skills, or tools to do a proper job. On the otherhand, they should not be allowed to render erroneous excuses either. Finding balance within the D&s experience is what makes the lifestyle so exhilarating and provocative.

e Behavior: Be respectful to others whether they‘re Top or bottom, whether they‘re well behaved or rude. Be polite, as this demonstrates your character far better than any other aspect of submissiveness. Personal Hygiene is a vital part of being a good submissive. A sub, (or Dom/Domme for that matter), should be well groomed and sweet smelling, clean and dressed appropriately for any occasion. Many Dom/Dommes have rules for the way they prefer the body of their submissives to be prepared. Any of these aspects should be considered an art form and effective demonstrations of such positive traits, make a submissive a prize and a treasure!

Be well behaved but be yourself. If your personality is that of a comic, don’t try to be so serious, if you’re a shy person, do not try to prove anything. Just relax and enjoy yourself. If you try to be something you’re not, you are in effect, telling a lie. If someone does not want you as you are, they will not be happy with you pretending to be something you’re not!

e Protocol: When addressing your Dominant, you may wish to begin your communiqué with a very respectful greeting such as: "M'Lord Shiva", "Masterful Sir", or even: "Dear Sir/Lord/Master", (if the relationship exists), or something even more intimate or abject.... (Caution: I personally take offense to anyone calling me "Master" prior to my collaring them as a 24/7 slave, or at least a submissive who considers herself my property and has been elevated to "SIT"). For most situations, you can insert other terms, titles, requests, intimacies, etc as is suitable for the particular person you are yielding to. you could say: "Sir, if it pleases You, i would like to convey my feeling about...., Sir." or simply: "M'Lord, may i speak?", or "if it pleases M'Lord".

If you are collared and are speaking to your Dominant Other during play, you might "Wish" to follow this by injecting something powerfully abject, (depending upon current circumstances), such as: "Sir/Mamm, i crawl naked and abject before you, begging for your mercy /permission to speak, Sir/Mamm". This allows your speech to become more visual and effective, but, it is always wise to ask about particulars from any (prospective or otherwise) Dom/Domme, as individual tastes varies widely on this subject. I personally enjoy this type of language only when the person actually feels this particular way towards me.

Lastly, with the written word, sign-off with a proper salutation, acknowledging your position in regards to the Dominant you have addressed, such as: "Your loving slave", "In submission to M'Lord", or just: "Your Student/Friend". If no relationship exists previously, you might use something suitable according to your personality like: "shyly curious" or "very interested", and sign your name along with titles such as: "Parvati - Queen of slaves", "the slave melanie", "submissive bobbysue" or just plain ole': "jen bottom"...

The use of a Capital letter to describe the Dominant person, such as the following words: "Your", "Dom", "Top", "He", "You", "Thee", "Shiva", "M'Lord", etc... and the use of a small case alphabet to address a bottom/sub/slave or yourself, such as: "i", "me", "sub", etc.... (unless otherwise requested), is the formal chat routine for many but may not be required or desired by your Dominant. Just ask them how they feel about it or what you think.

ALWAYS be courteous and remain calm, even if S/He is entirely intolerable, otherwise, you may regret it later. But, if S/He is not "your" Dom/Domme, there is absolutely no reason to tell Him/er what S/He wants to hear, (of course, this is if it pleases "your" Dom), just say what you feel but be polite about it.

e Submissive’s Rights: you have the right to be treated with respect and to respect yourself. you should be proud of your submissiveness! your gift of submission should be treasured as a supreme gift. you should feel happy, healthy, loved, protected and safe from any harm, real or imagined. you should have an avenue to fully express yourself, i.e.: amnesty (suggestion) box, family conferences, or periodic permission to speak freely. you Do have the right to say NO and to practice safe sex. And possibly most important, you have the right to a sense of belonging!

[I believe these hints will assist you in finding what you are

looking for, happy hunting, enjoy the ride, and remember: "if it's

not fun or otherwise fulfilling - why do it ?" , good luck to you!]

your friend, Lord Shiva