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housedogslave
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funtimemt
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FartMaster1
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beastslavetoSP
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Picaluver
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subjon5
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| submit your application for consideration.
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what is love without desire, passion, even lust, he doesn't want me, oh, reason I fart, who cares? three weeks, wow thought I could handle it, but its torture being this close, I wish I could actually get angry at him right now, I cant, I just give up cry usually at night alone feeling sorry for myself. I don't think he actually knows what he wants, that's the real problem, I hate this feeling of doom, it lingers like bad farts. I'm sorry I'm human and fart but is that really the only lame ass reason to ignore someone, torture, you try being in a farce/fart of a relationship on a four day decision as we both face homelessness together in this dull farty life of mine, yeah that's vanilla for you, hollow. I wish he was selfish and thought the same way I do me me me, but the more I focus on him, the less on me, he jellyfishes on me and lame asses out, what man is this! well, I tell you, there is no such thing, they all jellyfish and then now, so do I, six am cause dude wont touch me for a second and Ive even refrained from being totally open, cause I also thought thats what this was about, oh and Ive even dumped the man, he wont leave, will not even pack a bag, what jelly farty hell is this. Mine again. Im totally doing this wrong. wth!
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I haven't been kinky lately, well I haven't had time to.
I miss dressing up my sissy slave, the makeup, the closeness, the bonding, the sex, the consistent thrill of the tease, pulling that thread of want out of my partner.
A slow thin thread drawing out the potential, the well. I miss it anyway, been stuck in and shut in for months, my partner currently is not in that end of the world of what I long for, hes a Dom, but hey I'm cool with it, duality I live with daily myself.
I love it, but I miss the affection of my slave, my love, and my best friend, and he is too fucking far away to do it with, and I am okay with that fir now. just. |
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so fucking randy right now I could scream, I want cock deep inside, pulsing stream, hot froth dripping down my thighs, I fucking want to mate, to copulate, to pulse and moan. I think, flirting is fucking sexy as hell, and when I dont get what I want, even better, the orgasims are amazing. lol fuck me this sucks. |
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So glad I made the choice I have, lustful sentual erotic longing pain, wrapping its pulsing tendril around my clitoris, in anticipation of the things I will do, oh it will be good. Im loving this waiting, pure torture, having it, and not, getting exactly what you expected. Excited thrills perk the corners of my lips, my languid gaze admiring what I do not have to give right away, slow tease, slower release, on fire. I hope you burn and drown in what you will never posess. Me.
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getting horny lisnting to him suck cock..while I wait. nailbiting for sure.
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Is it possible to be a Bitch with heart rather than a heartless Bitch? Id like to take the heart right out of the equation learn how to be cold, unfeeling, strict and severe. Or some how, I've been doing this wrong for ten plus years and it explains so much in how I ended up where I am now. The stupid thing of it is. I know I'm doing it the right way for me. I've not had complaints thus far. So fml, cant please everyone all the time haha.
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will there ever be that harmony between what is real and fantasy. I find so often what you desire and what you receive are two totally different things. I wonder sometimes if it would serve me better over all if nothing affected me, and I did not care about anything or anyone, but, I want to share joy, see joy in anothers eyes through whatever means required or desired. I ache for it, I think because going into such intimate personal spaces for some is just too much, too hard to look at and see themselves reflected in my eyes. I don't hide much, but when I do, its a bigger thing than what I reveal and I feel like only I can take that pain or whatever, and change it into something profound, and changing. But too, it takes me with it, piece by piece, slowly into the black void of nothing, we all come from it, and will go back to it, for me a regular traveller between what is seen, and unseen. Not everyone understands, and I hold it inside hoping for something beautiful and new on the other side. And I remember what is lost in finding and searching for it, whatever it is, allways remembering and looking back for answers.
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ah to feel that pull again, slowly starting back into where I wished to be from the start, I missed the intensity of sharing experiences with someone else, being solo sucks on so many levels, mainly the frustration aspect. I'm not being myself without kink now, its just a part of who I am, it is not me, but its a large part of a much larger personality, mine. I appreciate not being in a 24/7 D/s relationship in a poly kink family, it was just too much all the time, and being a submissive all the time isnt me either, I do switch, and will continue to I am sure, I don't want where I went with that to cloud my experience, but I can't help but feel that it was wrong for me, psychologically, emotionally, and physically draining to be that all the time for someone, especially when promises and assurances were made that it would turn out diffrently. Its going to take one hell of a Dom to put me back there again, and they had be fucking impressive on all areas to tame this kitten. So, its back to the begining again, Topside, all new, never experienced it full on at any one time, but it will take focus and energy, and a juxtiposition of power. I find it slightly confusing sometimes, having been on the bottom, having to look from the Top is going to be hard, but worth it in the long run. I am a good Domme, I was a good Domme, and I wish to improve upon it with experiences and people who want a healthy kinky fun silly and dead serious time. So there.
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I have a feeling, the space between everything I thought I wanted, to everything I think I need, is a vast varying chaotic gap, I cant fill it, its just there, wide open. I have a tendancy to get bored easily, love to explore, and marvel about most everything, heck madness does run in my bloodline, I was reading today that creative, intellegent people, do run the risk of stepping off that ledge of sanity into insanity, the chaotic mind, is every nightmare and succubent fantisy anyone has had, over eons, this is nothing new, some people are more apt to insanity, deliving into madness, the more sensitive to the environment around them, though myself feel its natural, what is innatural is the thought that, being of nature is abnormal and wrong, its the space between trying to get away from our natural states of being, that is causing this chaotic confusion, inside. Then causing insanity, hell like a bird in a cage, It allways sings, its what happens after you let the bird out, does it still break into song? I bet it sounds lovley, you migh not get to hear it as loudly.
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well, enough about that crap, the poly kink family is gone, Im soloish again. I think over the last year, the more Ive delved deeper into a place I didnt really want to be, I felt more inclined to carry out my darkest wishes, having my needs met, not others, my happyness above everything, taking pleasure at my will, not cowering in shame at the bottom of everything. I was at the bottom, the farthest lowest slime filled gap you could possibly go, aside from death, it was cold, quiet, and lacking everything I could ever dream about, taste, touch, feel. I could not feel, could definatly think, and explore, but, there was nothing inside making me feel alive and functioning. I think now, I have it again, its slowly coming back, the feeling, hell the passion, my bodys throbbing again, I am like a greedy child, I want it all, and I will have it. I do not ever want to be down there again, at least not for a good long while, and no one, is putting me, there, not even me. |
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what the hell? I live in a poly kink household, its about as vanilla as any other family, there are power struggles, and jelousy and hurt feelings swirling around like a malestrom, no one plays, they all take the kink elsewhere, and I wonder what my purpose is, aside from the normal every day goings on, its bloody boring, then I get stuck in the black suck of nothing, and the frustration turns to anger. I get to the point of throwing my hands up in frustration and just want to take everything back I offered to give in the first place, and find someone that appreciates it, but in essence too, I know I would be miserable anywhere else..so here I am. Frustrated, angry, and bored. Yeah, kink is great, but its my lifestyle, not a hobby for hecks sake. I need it. I feel like Im suffocating in normalicy.
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Still the frustration builds, patience, calm quiet repose is not what I want. This life is bereft of pleasure, passion, desire, need, demands, submission, release, it just builds, and builds, into this mass of displeasure, a suck hole of nothing, nothing pleases me, nothing stimulates my senses, nothing satisfies my demands, amuses me, stimulates my mind, or stirrs those passions that I know linger just waiting, waiting to rear its fearsome head, nothing. It is just a big black nothing. The only thing keeping me at least here, is my imagination, nothing can stop it for that I'm glad. TG
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I am frustrated, I desire to be worshipped, adored, taken care of, but nothing has come my way, nothing that invokes such desires of power and control over another, to mould and caress them with my whips, my tongue, my touch, my attention, my exsistance in their world, their world being me, and me alone, such pithy gifts waved to me, I want more, I want everything.
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| Age: 19 |
| Zamboanga city,
Philippines |
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