A very common topic in BDSM communities discussion is the presence or absence of sexual intercourse into BDSM play or relationships. BDSM moves from sexual arousal, so there certainly is a strict linkage between sexuality and BDSM. On the other hand, the D/s essence is defined in a distance between Dom and sub that should be strongly outlined denying any sexual contact or gratification. This happens to be common in FemDom/malesub relationships. Denying of sexual acts in MaleDom/femsub relations is quite rare. That can be explained by the more intense need of physical release of sexual arousal of the male body. Into BDSM play there are anyway lots of games stimulating arousal body areas and genitals (like dildo penetration, CBT of Facesitting, just to say some). There is indeed a whole world of games grouped under the name of tease and denial who precisely focus in driving crazy for eager the sub (giving or denying the climax depending from personal situations). There are then also the Chastity Games, focused in forced Chastity of the sub, usually brought to wear a chastity belt or device on temporary or permanent basis. Those games can be considered "sexual" for some and only used as submissive tools from others. I've found three different "parties" about that matter: those who consider Bdsm play as a preliminary game introducing sexual intercourse, those who would never have sex with own Dom or sub and those who may have it but distinguish sexual intercourse from BDSM play. Let's see the reason of those choices:

Often, the BDSM experience starts from a loss of desire within a couple. The erotic attraction which usually thrill the starting of a relation, naturally declines within a more or less wide length of time. Discovering how much some situations and scenes may trigger back the emotion and the arousal, can be a very strong motivation to get into BDSM play. In such cases, the erotic stimulation of BDSM reveals its priority. A deep sexual erotic involvement is indeed always present into Bdsm play. Lots of games involve genitals or arousal body areas, outfit is often revealing and sexually exciting and also the touchless games (like verbal humiliations) are perceived as sexually stimulating. So during a Bdsm play is natural that players are sexually aroused. That arousal can be preliminary to sexual intercourse or being appreciated as an emotion by itself. Moreover, also performing sexual intercourse Dom/sub roles can be held. A Dom shall for example order his slave to sexually "serve" but deny or limit the sub's pleasure, or impose him to perform while bearing painful stimulations. In such case the sub is used as a 'sex toy'. We'll explire more specifically the sexual use (and abuse) of the subs in some other articles.

For many BDSMers the pleasure in bdsm play is something different from plain sexual gratification. It is often described as a mental orgasm, a very intense emotion, as strong as sexual orgasm. For those BDSMers the Domination/submission play is often fundamental. They do not find sex necessary to live a fully satisfactory BDSM session. Of course sexual arousal is often present, but they just aren't interested in consuming it with their playpartner. Those who appreciate the D/s play know as well how much exciting is the obvious sexual eager of the sub for the Dom. And many subs enjoy it to the point they find that denial more desirable then the intercourse itself. There are then many Dominants, especially Dommes, who enjoy very much in topping but consider subs as servants, pets or objects. Some can also see them as "friends" or something similar out of the playtime, but it is easy to understand they are not interested in having sex with them. In such relations the desire of the sub can be ignored, derided or also pushed to extremes for Dom's amusing. In that kind of play or relation are often used restraint devices like chastity belts or cock cages. Forced chastity and/or teasing and denial are the more common forms of Bdsm play without sex. There is indeed also a less D/s and more S/m play based on the same sexual denying. Here the sub is used as torture toy, to whip and or torture in different ways without any sexual gratification. Those who enjoy these torture games are basically defined the Sadist and the masochist type. Excluding sexual intercourse from the play makes easy for couples to play with others. Usually who appreciate this point of view consider practices involving genitals or sexual parts 'useful' to the game but do not intend them as 'sexual acts'. Absence of sexual intercourses made also easier occasional play.

It is surely very exciting to feel the eager of the sub and tease it. Moreover, i found out that when Doms (male or female ones) sexually 'concede' themselves to their subs, they somehow break the play atmosphere. In my experience, if it all comes out to a sexual intercourse, it usually coincide with the end of the game. Coming from a bdsm play into making love can be a delicious way to quit the game between lovers, especially for fixed couples who aren't into 24/7 play. Usually after the climax most people feel weak and especially subs are very vulnerable, so it is often the moment for Doms to be very sweet and caring regardless if the play is over or not. I know there are some who guessed for that weakness it can be the more appropriate moment to hit harder (mentally or physically) the sub. I will not argue about that. For sure it is a very vulnerable moment. All to keep in mind is that people do Bdsm to express themselves, not to destroy themselves. If the goal is to deepen emotions also over some limits, it can work in the picture. If the goal is to destroy or being destroyed, i guess something is wrong. Keeping the sub in eager shows some interesting aspects. The more a male sub is eager the more he's submissive and able to accept things he would rather be usually reluctant. It does not work exactly the same way for female subs, but it is anyway a very intense game to tease and deny them the climax. Of course there are some different ways to give or gain climax on a bdsm ground, and we will see some of them in the sexual use page.

I personally appreciate BDSM as a 'sexual variation' or as a game by itself. I find really intriguing to have sex with BDSM elements, but I definitely LOVE the pure state of Domination submission where sexual gratification is immensely desired (and adequately teased) but totally denied to the sub. Let me explain: I do love sex but exactly for this reason I find incredibly exciting to deny it in a BDSM play. When I start over a bdsm play I never expect any sexual release or intercourse. I do found out that it can be fantastic for me to end the play making love if there is a love relationship with my partner. But on occasional or friendly play i find more pleasurable a strict eager and denial playtime. That is, I do love sex, but when I want to have sex I look for that, not for a bdsm play. So, given it is always wonderful to have sex out of the game, I vote for the Dom role as desired but unreachable. Of course I think that the Dominant have the full right to gain sexual pleasure also during a BDSM play. For this goal, should be useful the 'oral servitude' from the sub for Dom's sexual satisfaction, or keeping the sub as a spectator while Dom satisfy himself alone or having sex with someone else. A couple of Doms shall for example have sex together while topping one or more subs, preserving the distance and gaining their full satisfaction while the subs remain in their... natural state of eager :)

http://www.bdsmrealm.net/modules.php?name=Magazine&file=article&sid=345

Well We Believe in Balance ...and there is a time for each thing ..

LC and MrsJade aka Mommah Passion

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-fiPiTuolc6MMgmOoEJcZsqfeSm8u6f_i2y8-?cq=1&p=343

BEFORE I AM A MASTER OR DOM IAM A MAN OF FLESH AND BLOOD. BEFORE I AM A MASTER IAM A LOVING HUSBAND TO A GOOD WOMAN AND A SON TO ANOTHER. BEFORE IAM A MASTER  I AM A FRIEND TO ALL IN AND OUT OF THE LIFE. BEFORE I AM A MASTER I AM ABOVE ALL A CHILD OF GOD ALMIGHTY THE TRUE MASTER OF US ALL. TO ALL THESES ARE  MY WORDS, MY HEART, AND MY SOUL I PRAY TO GOD, FATHER ABOVE TO GUIDE ME OUT OF DARKNESS INTO THE LIGHT,  BACK TO THE  TRUE PATH THAT YOU OH LORD SET BEFORE ME MY ALMIGHTY FATHER IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH. AMEN

I ask Mommah Jade to find this so I can repost this in My blog so the Students of the House and others understand why it so important that in Our lifestyle we need Contracts when W/we enter a Bdsm relationship or Do scene with some body.

this is a re-post from Our joint page ''House of Dark Passion''

why should a Contract be signed when giving a collar to a sub/slave?

the example contract is for a slave .a contract for a submissive should state her hard and soft limits.

those are the basic for a respectfully relationship between a Dominant and a submissive.

Hard limits should never be violated soft limits might disappear after trust is build up.

Limit: used for both "boundaries" and "hard limits":

• Boundaries - edge of one's ability to handle sensation or other stimuli, physically or psychologically.
• Often refers to intensity of stimuli or of reaction to stimuli. Boundaries are often "pushable",as in "pushing the envelope" in corporate speak.
• Hard Limits - predetermined areas or boundaries beyond which Top/Dom may not and shall not push at all. Usually refers to specific activities

Why would you need a contract before entering a D/s or M/s Relationship?

Would you alternate a basic Contract?

Would you as a Dom leave your self an option open to change it lateron as you feel like?

Would you want Witnesses to sign with you?

See in Mommah's Page

http://360.yahoo.com/jadeofdarkpassion

what can happend and to be allways aware

that Our LIFESTYLE SHOULD ALLWAYS BE SAFE ,SANE AND CONSENSUAL !!If a sub/slave ask to leave /to be released as a Dom you need to let her/him go/leave.the following Contract is only an excample !

Contract

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(This contract is only an example of what such a document may contain and is most likely a bit too severe for the average D/s couple. Each couple must negotiate their own contract and incorporate the things that are agreeable and important to them.)

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Master & slave "Slavery" Contract

This contract is provided as a secure and binding agreement which defines in specific terms the relationship and interaction between two individuals, hereafter termed the slave and the master (both terms are intended to be independent of sex). This agreement is legal and binding. This agreement must be entered voluntarily, but cannot be broken except under the conditions stated herein, after which certain precautions shall be taken to protect those involved. (See section 7.0.0)

1.0.0 Slave's Role

The slave agrees to submit completely to the master in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of the master without risking punishment, except in situations where the slave's veto (see section 1.0.1) applies. The slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their master, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. All of the slave's possessions likewise belong to the master , including all assets, finances, and material goods, to do with as they see fit. The slave agrees to please the master to the best of their ability, in that they now exist solely for the pleasure of said master.

1.0.1 Slave's Veto

The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the master, at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both master and slave:

1. Where said command conflicts with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave.
2. Where said command may cause extreme damage to slave's life, such as losing their job, causing family stress, etc.
3. Where said command may cause permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0) to the slave.
4. Where said command may cause psychological trauma to the slave, such as a rape scene for a slave that has been raped in the past.

2.0.0 Master's Role

The master accepts the responsibility of the slave's body and worldly possessions, to do with as they see fit, under the provisions determined in this contract. The master agrees to care for the slave, to arrange for the safety and well-being o f the slave, as long as they own the slave. The master also accepts the commitment to treat the slave properly, to train the slave, punish the slave, love the slave, and use the slave as they see fit.

3.0.0 Punishment

The slave agrees to accept any punishment the master decides to inflict, whether earned or not.

{I DISAGREE HERE ~Mommah Jade}

3.0.1 Rules of Punishment

Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0). Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:

1. Blood may not be drawn at any time. Punishment must stop immediately if blood is drawn
2. Burning the body
3. Drastic loss of circulation
4. Causing internal bleeding
5. Loss of consciousness
6. Withholding of any necessary materials, such as food, water, or sunlight for extended periods of time

4.0.0 Permanent Bodily Harm

Since the body of the slave now belongs to the master, it is the master's responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm. Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:

1. Death
2. Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function, including broken bones.
3. Any permanent marks on the skin, including scars, burns, or tattoos, unless accepted by the slave.
4. Any loss of hair, unless accepted by the slave.
5. Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole, unless accepted by the slave.
6. Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including sexually transmitted diseases.

5.0.0 Others

The slave may not seek any other master or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without the master's permission. To do so will be considered a breach of contract, and will result in extreme punishment. The master may accept other slaves or lovers, but must consider the slave's emotional response to such actions and act accordingly. Under no circumstance should the master allow such actions to unbalance the slave emotionally, or allow such actions to result in ignoring the slave.

The master may give the slave to other masters, provided the rules of this contract are upheld. In such a situation, the master will inform the new master of the provisions stated herein, and any breach by the new master will be considered a breach by the master as well, subject to all rules stated in this contract.

6.0.0 Secrecy

All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both master and slave agree. Any violation of this clause shall be cause to terminate this contract, should the injured party wish it. The materials and physical evidence shall be kept under lock and key in a place acceptable to both parties.

7.0.0 Alteration of Contract

This contract may not be altered, except when both master and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.

8.0.0 Termination of Contract

This contract may be terminated at any time by the master, but never by the slave, except under special conditions explained within this contract. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed, and all materials and belongings shall belong to the master, to be shared or kept as they see fit. The slave, owning nothing and having agreed to give up all worldly possessions and body to the master, shall once again own their body, but nothing else, unless the master decides to give back their possessions.

9.0.0 Slave's Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to give everything I own to my master, and further accept their claim of ownership over my physical body. I understand that I will be commanded and trained and punished as a slave, and I promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasures and desires of my master to the best of my abilities. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

Signature:____________

9.0.1 Master's Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this slave as my property, body and possessions, and to care for them to the best of my ability. I shall provide for their security and well-being and command them, train them, and punish them as a slave. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the slave as long as they are mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

Signature:____________