What the fuck does it mean when I can run into a roll of toilet paper, and get bruised, but it takes an act of God, three sacrificial lambs, and one of the souls I keep in that box in my lingerie drawer to bruise from a spanking or caning?

First day of college.  I realize here and now that I prefer unlubed buttsecks to anything resembling math.  On the upside, I finished todays homework, and started a good bit of tomorrows, and tomorrow, I should have Wednesdays work started.  Ambitious little bitch, I am...

Working out should suck less...

I grow weary of trying to find a great Dom for myself.  I think now is the time I let him come to me.  Please, Lord let the fella have GPS.  I'm a tad impatient...

What is the difference between jelly and jam?

You can't jelly your cock down my throat, sweetheart! 

Moving.  Add THAT to the list of bullshit that just keeps flying at my head.  I swear, it is times like this that I wish I had 3 or 4 little male submissives I could call up and tell them to start packing my stuff for me, and trashing the rest.  Then I could rest.  

On the upside...I am down 5-10 pounds.  Woo!  Not sure of the exact number, but I am down a pants size!  I have a pair that now FIT properly.  No squeezy pants lines, no squishy muffin top in my pants.  Its awesome!  Definitely using this as motivation...

Add the flu to the list of bullshit that has happened to me in the worst month ever.  2013 better see me pissing glitter and shitting gold, or someone is going to have hell to pay! 

I lost my father tonight.  Due the circumstances, I will probably be busy with family and general "I dont wanna give a crap about anything right now-ed-ness".  If you message me, and I dont respond in a reasonable amount of time, thats why.  I ask that you be understanding while I try and figure my shit out and move on with this new thing in my life...

I watched the meteor shower for about 15-20 minutes tonight.  Absolutely perfect conditions to sit with someone and watch.  *sigh*

If you have nothing better to do than to send me messages stating

"you are a gigantic fat slob, I would not fuck you with a stolen dick you disgusting pile of human filth. Do the world a favor and kill yourself."

Please realize that the contents of your message will be put on the internet.  :D  You can run, but you cant hide, bitch.  I am too grown for the bullshit.  I am here to deal with ADULTS, not some random, angry manchildren.  This is the same kind of bullshit causing those younger than me to kill themselves.  You would be ASHAMED if your offspring sent messages like this to their peers, and one did off themselves.  So why is it ok for an adult to do it?  It isnt. 

Get a life.  Get a job.  Get a hobby.  Hell, get a fleshlight and fuck the hell out of it.  Just stop spewing venom.  And for the moron that wishes I would kill myself?  Nope.  That would be letting you win.  I am going to live my liFe beautifully just to piss you off.  I am going to keep living my fat ass life.  I am going to love everyone I meet with my fat ass heart.  I am going to be with a man that loves every inch of my fat ass, and submit to him with every bit of my fat ass soul.  

And when you are lying there in bed at night alone, wondering why you cant find someone amazing that is willing to devote her life to you?  When you are taking your last breath, wishing someone cared enough to stand by you and wish you well into the afterlife?  Remember it is your fault.  You are full of venom. It was YOU that is truly the human filth.  The hate in your body seeps out.  That is why you are a sad and lonely 40-something year old man.  Nobody is stupid enough to sit around the stench of trash and mingle with it.  

I am going to make my life amazing, love everyone I can, change a few lives as I go along, and die knowing that I tried to make a difference.  You cannot and WILL NOT break my spirit, you sad little human.  

Although I wish I was spending Thanksgiving by the side of someone I care for, I will be with the people I love and/or tolerate.  Thank god I have a mother who is AMAZING with the margaritas (Yea.  Thanksgiving margaritas...?).  This is way better than the option of spending thanksgiving in North Carolina where I have to be on my best behavior.  

So not feeling the best behavior thing this year.  

A lot of you complain that Obama had 4 years and that should have been enough. Some of you are the same ones that spent 4 years in high school, and you do NOT know the difference between your and you're. Go. Figure.

Boom.  Suck it bitches! 

I dont care who you vote for, just do it.  Voting.  Is.  Sexy. 

Just thinking of all the things I want you to do to me, with me...

It leaves my body

Spent. 

(While viewing profiles, and chatting with a CM girl friend)

Me:  I dont know.  Comic Sans just doesnt trigger that, "I want to know more and possibly submit to this man!"  It gives me more a, "He probably wants to eat my liver.  I should run!" response.  There is just too much whimsical fuckery with that font.  I would feel the same if it was on a flyer for laser hair removal! 

Her:  I feel the same about the cunt shots of current/previous lovers.  What are you trying to tell me?  Because your profile looks like a graveyard of random body parts, and I dont wanna go out like that...

I love that woman...lol 

I put myself out there to someone.  I have no clue what is going to happen, or what will come of this, but I am nervous/excited/scared/anxiously anticipating!  I love the feeling of the unknown.  Sometimes.  

I have been informed that I am stepping out of my place when I politely correct a persons usage of your/you're, and Dominant/dominate.  Please take note.  I am a firm believer in clear, precise communication.  If I am looking at your words and having to mentally edit what you are saying, or guessing what you are trying to tell me, I am going to become frustrated, and bored real quick.  It takes but a moment to proofread before sending your words across the wires.  

The nice girl inside of me feels like she should be nice, and not poke fun at the dominant males that approach me with 500 shades of incorrectness.

And then the bitch inside of me punches the nice girl because it is more fun to laugh at the morons, and then reminds the nice girl that she need not change because her friends, and family and loved ones adore her sarcastic, snarky, self just the way she is.  

*throws glitter and dances*

PS - If I have put a chink in your dim Dom armor recently, maybe you should try treating a lady like a lady, unless you know she specifically wants you to approach her like a whore.  Oh, and sorry about hurting your widdle feel bads.  I guess...

Sore ass?  Check.  

Bruises?  Check.

Sore muscles?  Check.

Tired?  Check check and check.

Hmmm...Looks like a fun time was had! 

"I get off on you
Getting off on me
Give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's a give and take
Kind of love we make
When the line is crossed
I get off
I get off"

Halestorm - I Get Off

Feeling VERY spoiled right now.  The ex-gf dropped off some deliciously amazing cake truffles.  The rum, special, red velvet and mocha java ones look AMAZING.

Ahhh.  Just got my first marriage proposal of the year.  What makes it so special?  It was from some random ass guy, that i have NEVER spoken to, with no photo.  I simply tell him that I find that laughable.  He says you cant trust everyone.  Uhm...How the hell are you gonna ask a stranger to marry you, but you dont wanna trust them with a photo?  (Not that I would have said yes.  He was WAY out side of my tastes, mind you).  

PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OFFER! Don't drink and drive - and don't ride with anybody who does. "Tipsy Tow" offered by AAA: You don't have to be a AAA member, from 6pm-6am on New Year's Eve/Day they will take your drunk self and your car home for FREE. Save this number... 1-800-222-4357. This is available nationwide! 

‎"I dont stay up late! My sleep schedule is on west coast time!" - My response to why I am still wide eyed and bushy tailed at 230 in the morning.  (Thass mah story, and I am stickin to it!)

It is now my birthday.  Commence the partying!  Today really should be a national holiday, after all...  *dances around*

Being sick has made my attention span that of a goldfish, and my irritability at an all time high.  I have resulted to cave man communications when I am upset.  This is sad, and absolutely hilarious.  I have grunted at the UPS guy, the clerk at the post office, 2 retail associates, 3 Dominant types, and my father.  They all responded with laughs which made me grunt more, and ended up in a lung hacking frenzy.  I am totally hibernating, popping pills, and doing shots of cough syrup (yes, at designated times) until I get the crud out of my lungs.

Regardless of what your title is, I can not take you seriously if you think your and you're are interchangeable.  They aren't.  And do not try to argue that they are.  It makes you look worse, darling. 

I wish I could peel annoyances away from me, like a skin.  Or wash it off like body paint.  

Sometimes I wonder what search parameters people enter that causes them to find me.  Only wondering because I am curious, although you can call it nosy.  Same difference, right?

Soo, it seems that while I have mastered being patient with situations that I really want to happen, I have yet to master patience with people.  Im a work in progress.  I always will be.  I dont think I would like to be perfect.  Too much pressure, and its fun always improving.  Aaaaanyways...I snapped on someone earlier.  Only because I was accused of something that wasnt the case.  Yea, I feel bad about it, but fuck.  Get your shit right before jumping down my throat.  Part of me wants to apologize.  Part of me says what for?  You were just defending yourself.  Is it normal to want to apologize for defending yourself?  Or did those two tumbles I took off the bed as a baby do a lil more damage than I thought?  Meh. 

Dear Future Hubby/Master/Dom/Daddy/person guy, I will NEVER help you cut the grass. EVER.EVER EVER EVER. Its too itchy. And sneezy. But I will make you all the sammiches you can tolerate, and I can fetch a damn good beer! Love, Future Wifey. PS I am not above hiring people to take care of the lawn.  And the laundry.  Or ordering take out.  I am flexible like that. :D

Excuse me while I pitch a hissy about fresh cut grass, and me being in VERY close contact with it.  and the itching.  And the sneezing.  

*flails around, scratches the itchies, and whines*

Oh cold weather.  You cruel, unwanted lover of mine.  I appreciate you taking the edge off of summer, but must you turn so violent with your sharp, chilly winds, and your making me all sick and shit?  Cant we be cool again like we used to be when I was younger?  When I could venture outside and not pick up so much as a sneeze?  Im only 24 for fucks sake, yet everytime I go outside, I end up coughing like someones Granpa Merle.  NOT.  SEXY.  Cut me some slack, and I will let you cop a feel...Deal?

I admit that I am going to have to make "dragging a fork across my bare feet" a hard limit.  *shudders*  The thought of it just makes me wanna run screaming into the night safewording till I pass out...

Ugh.  I have been cutting my wisdom teeth for 11 years.  I have been to 3 dentists and they all seem to think that I have a big enough mouth (no smart ass comments, please?) for them to grow into my head just fine.  Look, I dont give a shit if they can get into my mouth.  The fact is they hurt, and cutting teeth isnt fun, just like it wasnt fun when I was a wee one and all I could do was cry, gnaw on teething rings, and babble endlessly in fury (Actually, I could do the last one, but I am not in the mood to drink myself retarded).

I am at the point where I am SERIOUSLY considering letting some evil sadistic bastard pull them out with rusty pliers if I offer to pay him in anal sex.  Yea.  I am hating the wisdom teeth that much.  Ugh.  

Fuck you wisdom toofs!  Fuck you for making me miserable on top of my already current reason for being miserable.

Today is just one of those days.  You hear a spot of bad news, and it kinda puts you in for a case of he grumpies, no matter how you try to fight it. Add to the fact that I am trying to fight a serious case of bitchy attitude, and just grr.  I was in such a good mood.  What happened?  What changed?  Grrrr!  I think I need to try again to find the "right" side of the bed to get up on.  Cuz this poopy mood is not fun.

Maryland bound in a few hours!  I am so excited! <3  I get to see my Inkygirl!  Yay!

I thought we were ALL adults here.  I didnt think I would need to say this.  -hangs head-  Ok.  Here goes.  I am a female with friends.  Now, if we look back at what we learned in biology and Sex Ed, we will see that essentially, there are 2 choices of sex for humans.  Male, and female.  Still with me?  Good.  As a result of knowing that, we can conclude that I have friends of one sex, or the other.  Right?  Ok.  (You guys are so smart!) Now, knowing that, please be aware that I do in fact have slightly more male friends, than female friends.  I tend to get along more with males, but I have found some females that are quite awesome and I love them to bits.  If you are bothered by the fact that I have male friends, please keep walking.

I am quite allergic to that line of bullshit where you hear that I have male friends, and you freak out, and tell me that its no good that I have other male friends because (in your book) they are vying for my hand, and you dont want competition, blah blah blah...HERES YOUR BINKY BITCH!  Kwitcherbitchin about who I am friends with!  For the love of eating Cheetos in a beanbag chair, youre doing the song and dance that I remember hearing back when I was in elementary school ("Youre friends with XYZ and that makes me wanna piss in my Huggies and cry!")

I have yet to tell a man "Oh.  I cant be your friend because youre friends with 1590 other women.  Too much competition."  Why?  Because I could care less about whether they are trying to get into his pants, or whether they just see him as a friend!  Frankly, it wont make or break my day.  I lose enough sleep over insomnia.  Cant afford to let petty drama steal my precious sleep too!

If my having male friends is an issue, just keep walking.  Its that simple.  I wont ditch all or part of my friends just because someone (that I have no intentions of being involved with on a kink or romantic level no less) is uncomfortable.  I didnt get rid of all my girl friends when a guy got his panties in a twist because I was bi and he figured I wanted to fuck all of my female friends (another story for another time), I wont do it now.  If you are secure in yourself, you should be secure in those you surround yourself with picking and enjoying their own friends.  I have been picking my friends since pre-school.  So far, I think I did a damn good job.  I GOT THIS!

Ok.  End of the rant.  I am good now.

So, I lost my dog last night.  I am kinda fuzzy headed and out of it.  So please, dont be offended if I dont answer your mail, or if I seem out of character.  Its a hard time for me right now.  I will be back to "Kyttyn normal" after a bit.  No worries.

~ktm

A lot of people have been wondering whats on my mind lately.  Normally, I just say nothing (not out of not wanting conversation, but out of me not really knowing how to articulate whats in my pretty little head).  I was sitting here at my desk reading as I normally do when I am ready to get off the computer, but I am still too wide awake to sleep.  Somewhere in the tangled lines of the web, I read something.  And it all clicked.

I dont want to give.  I want to be taken.  From head to toe.  Mind, body, and soul.  Grab me, hold me close.  Make me feel soft, feminine and small. Caress my face gently as you look me in the eyes, and then kiss me like you mean it.  Grab a handful of hair and tell me "I am gonna take care of this.  Dont worry."  And it just happens.  Everything that is in my flesh trying to dig its way out, he just makes come out, effortlessly. 

I just want to submit.  To give myself over, and let Him do all the big decision making, and I just smile and nod.  Which is odd for me, because normally, I like to have a bit of a say, whether its taken into consideration or not.  I want Him to take me places I have been scared to go, but I know I can go safely, because we are hand in hand all along the darkened paths. 

Theres this urge that is welling up again.  The urge to let my masochist out to play, and give this sadistic Man the pleasure he wants from my moans, screams, and tears.  I need to feel every ounce of my worries leaving me, because I tend to bottle them up, and dont know how to let them go when I am alone and in my bed at night.  Perhaps because I have forgotten them, but their weight is still there rattling in my chest.

I need for this Mystery Man to let our roles fall into place.  Nothing forced or awkward feeling.  Everything just coming naturally.  And him not being scared off because I have shed tears, but wanting to hold me, for just a moment while I regain composure, only to continue when I can go on.  And when his sadistic side is sated, I would love for him to fuck me.  Not so much for my pleasure, but for his.  I want to be a vessel that he jacks off with.  The Living Blow-Up Doll, if you will.  I want his orgasms to not be a show of how attractive he finds my physical form, but a show of how deeply we are connected on a spiritual level.  I can change my physical form at any time, but that spirit...that sweet soul that is me wont ever change.  No matter the lifetime I am in. 
And I dont want to have an orgasm.  Or give him one.  I want it taken from me.  Over and over, till it hurts, and I want to stop.  But we both know I dont really want the orgasms to stop. 

And when all is said and done, I just want us to lie there.  A tangle of limbs.  No one sure were He ends and she begins, and not really caring.  Just let her lie in the warmth of Him, and feel his love and protection radiate over her.  Let her gather her strength like her strewn clothing so that she can go back into a world that seems to non-consensually take, take, take from her day after day...

Ask me what is on my mind, and I may say nothing, but its always something.

Guess I am gonna spend tonight ushering in some new little lives. Yay! The dog is having pups! -happy wiggle-  {Edit - She only had one.  Stillborn.  RIP Angel}