Close but no cigar ! She turned out, at almost literally the last wk, to be a findomme wanting to control..take...all my money.

Soooo frustrated & mad. She was perfect ! !

i've met an amazing white domme from Germany & as we both realize nothing will come of this, it's just been fun and entertaining. Interesting to find out that German dommes have a LOT of the same interests and ideas with regards to using their...Her...female slaves. Cute as a button, if cute could ever be applied to a Domme :)

And out of the blue, She sent me 2 pictures of Her pissing! Not in a gross way, just..rather erotic. As previously noted, i am a bit perverted :)

She has to use google to translate and i am enjoying how She expresses some of this. i am dying to ask Her what the German words are for slut, cunt, pussy :)

NOTICE: beachbunnyfkty, black "lesbian" domme is a fake, a man using pictures from several different websites. A domme from the UK is posting a list of fakes and i am going to start my own list here. What a pathetic bunch of losers !

YourQueen26

Amandamillions

Christawells16

jessicalikes

subspacemodel

Sabrinaslut

Fedsire01...one of the most pathetic attempts at photoshopping i have seen so far. "her" head is a bit TOO large for the photo.

And this is just a list of the top of my head.

ALL males.

i have been busy with my vanilla world, so boring in comparision but unavoidable.

Latest: Mistress Sarbonne and i both feel that it is best for both of us to move on, as while She has a lot to offer, She also has needs ..which is certainly Her right...with which i am not comfortable with whatsoever.

Parting friends :)

i received several of the most delicious, yet scary, photos of white slaves being reduced to objects, pieces of art on display for their Owner's amusement and enjoyment.  Attached to a wall as  slave art, suspended from the ceiling, placed in a standing up stock & locked into place, holes open and vulnerable, tied up X shaped, again, holes open and vulnerable.

Eerily similar to that of Beauty in Anne Rice's The Beauty Trilogies, in which she was stripped, blindfolded, gagged, ear plugged, coated head to toe and in all her holes with a thick oil solution, then covered head to toe and in all her holes with a bright shiney golden glitter. And attached on a pedestal on her Owner's wall for display at a party. Just a piece of slave art. she hated it. she fought it mentally. she accepted it. she came to crave to be the best piece of slave art in her Owner's collection.

And that journey of her mind was graphically detailed and explained.

my education re all the different aspects and dynamics of Black Ownership of white female slaves is seemingly an unlimited, ongoing process.

i have learned that the Black Ace of Spades is the "universal", most common symbol of Black Ownership. It can be worn as as a "charm" on a slave's necklace, anklet, or bracelet.

i was shown several pictures of each. Quite erotic. i found myself staring at the pictures, trying to imagine the slave's state of mind as she wears her Black Owner's symbol all the time. A constant reminder of her role in life.

i found as well that there are huge numbers of Black Dominants, Females and males. All over the country. From all walks of life: doctors, attys, teachers, business people. What i failed to consider is that with such numbers of Superior Blacks, a matching number of white slaves is required to meet Their demands.

i.e. there are a lot more colleen's out there. Both scary and reassuring at the same time.

my meeting with Mistress Sarbonne went well, cunt drenchingly well :)

She is agreeable to taking it slow, but now, once again, my cunt is trying to take over.So, nothing earth shatteringly important to put here just yet since i am taking it slow, other than i have now had my first face to face meeting with a Superior Black Female.

suffice to say, She impressed me immensely. She likes the way i look, my hair specifically, but overall " you are a pretty little white cunt bitch". Which i take as a compliment:)

Excited and nervous. i am meeting Mistress Sarbonne, Nubianlez123 on CM, for a late lunch/meet & greet. my first real face to face with a Black Domme .

Well, my first "meeting" with a Black Domme was actually with Miss Quinne, but that was more like my face to Her Black Pussy than face to face :) And as She is young & inexperienced, , my Black Domestic, i don't count that as meeting a true Black Domme.

i am to wear a short Black leather  skirt, a simple white blouse...braless and pantiless... nipples rouged dark, knee high Black boots.........................and i am to spend this morning at my salon, getting my hair style completely  done over.

She likes my current style, reddish hair shoulder length and  down to my shoulders..She actually said it is "beautiful, for a cunt" But as  it  is potentially a life changing meeting ...in time, anyway...She wants me to start it off with a new" me "look :)

i LIKE my current hair style.

But that is the old me.

i've learned to never judge anyone's sexuality, her needs, but:

i had a white domme tell me that, once i am owned, i would be required to serve her, her 15 yr old daughter AND her 13 yr old son. Not sexually .."yet". Her son is "experienced in making female slaves assume obscene, sexually explicit positions to amuse himself". And "he has an evil imagination". At 13.

i respectfully..out of habit...told her that that is against the law in every state in the country, a felony, and for which i, if convicted, would be labled as a sexual predator.

she...he???...went away.

Definition of GOING SLOW: in the vanilla world, it is easy enough to understand.

Here, in this world, NOW, short version, it means : i will not strip and spread my "white thighs" as we chat. it also means i will not obey You and take Your orders as my new gospel.

In time, with the Right One, yes, of course. But,  NOW,  especially after only 1-2-3-4 emails? Sorry, i consider that being pushy considering my stated desire to GO SLOW.

Courtesy of my favorite philosopher, Mr. Woody Allen: " sex between 2 people is a nice thing. Sex between 5 people is fantastic!"

NOW: if i were the only white slave and the other 4 were Superior Black Females.............................yummmmy

I am  not getting into the details, so it will have to suffice that i am no longer under consideration by my choosing.

As the esteemed Forrest Gump said "......................and that's all I have to say about  that".

Miss Quinne went shopping for me yesterday and returned with 5 pairs of gray granny panties that come up right below my belly button. Five pair at $2.45 a pair.  In exchange, She now owns 5 pairs of my best silk panties.

She also purchased a $3 bottle of doggie shampoo for my hair.

my new daily ritual as  a dumb white animal

     Miss Quinne is now served Her morning tea as She relaxes by "enjoying the scenery": i have to stand naked in front of Her, hands clasped behind my neck, legs spread, eyes down cast,  while She simply stares at me and sips Her tea.

So dehumanizing. Makes me so sloppy wet.

Too much has happened to describe it all, so i will just stick to that which still resonates in this dumb white animal's mind.

Goddess Bambi gave me to  Miss Quinne to use RL after work on Wed, in the morning on Thursday and again for a short time this morning.

    In no particular order of degradation as it was all degrading and debasing.

       1) had to hand wash Miss Quinne as She relaxed in what was formerly my bathtub at the end of Her work shift.  She came twice as i was told to finger Her to orgasm.

       2) had to give Her an oral footmassage afterwards

       3) had to put on a masturbation show for Her

       4) had to service Her Black Pussy orally  as She relaxed on my bed. had to clean Her up, dress Her, and She just walked out of the room/house. i was not permitted to cum

Next day:

       1) called Miss Quinne into my office so She could IM chat with Goddess Bambi.

       2) stripped and told to kneel at Miss Quinne as She chatted

       3) head occassionally petted and called names

       4) had to worship Miss Quinne's Black Ass as She chatted

       5) Bitch slapped for poor effort. Verbally abused continuously

       6) had to clean Her up, dress Her,and She just walked out of the room/house. i was not permitted to cum.

Today:

       1) had to ask Miss Quinne to come IM chat with Goddess Bambi

       2) had to lick/FUCKING CLEAN Miss Quinne's Black boots as She  chatted privately with Goddess Bambi

        3) told to permit  Miss Quinne taking over my former master bathroom as Her own as long as husband not on the premises.

        4) told to give  Miss Quinne, as Hers, all my expensive lotions and soaps purchased in Milan this spring

        5) had to give Miss Quinne sufficient money to buy off the rack from WalMart:

              a. five pair of gray grannie panties for use only during my period

              b. give Miss Quinne 5 pairs, Her choice, of my expensive silk panties.

              c) dog shampoo for my animal hair.

        6) told to  use the guest bathroom down the hall as my new bathroom

        7) told  i am not to use any soap or lotion; to shower off only as a horse  is washed down after long use.

General rule: With Goddess' approval, Miss Quinne is free to use my 3 holes as it pleases Her

my old world is crumbling day by day.

my cunt hole remains a sloppy mess constantly.

it was a privilege to be permitted to worship Miss Quinne's Black Ass.

i have been notified that it is hard to tell Who is Who unless You have read all my entries, a pain in the ass i apologize for to all of You

  Miss Quinne is my young Black Domestic here in my home and it She who is now enjoying Her proper place in my home.

Goddess Bambi is the Black Domme who is instructing and guiding me in all this. She lives in NY>

Admittedly, i am struggling a bit. Not in "revolt". Just in trying to assimilate all these new changes into my day to day life now.

To continue:

   i am to serve MIss Quinne tea in any location She chooses to rest. i am to sit and wait for Her to finish.

   If Miss Quinne chooses to rest in peace, i am to go out back and watch our German shepards in their kennel.

   i was told to discard my bell with which i summoned Miss Quinne to my office. i am now to go to Her and  ask Her to come to my office or where ever i may be.

   Miss Quinne  received both a raise and a reduction in hours and/or She is to be paid time and a half for any hours over 40 hrs a wk.

As an aside, Miss Quinne chose to use my tub to relax in yesterday after She finished work. She left it a complete mess. i cleaned up after Her.

i have wanted to live a whole new life, one of slavery and service to Superior Black Females. Leaving my old life behind once the divorce is filed and marriage terminated.

Today, a part of that old life was removed from me by Goddess. With more to come, i have no doubt.  Miss Quinne, when invited by me..Goddess..to talk  (this was yesterday ) about all the recent changes in the daily dynamics of our home, told me that She wanted an easier life. She felt that She was performing "Stupid" chores, a complete waste of Her time. She had other grievances as well.

i..Goddess...told Her to make a list for consideration and we would discuss them this morning.

Her list was bout lessening Her work load by removing unnecessary chores and better pay.

Easier to just list what i now have to do:

     1) draw my own bath water after lunch

     2) She may use my bath after work to relax

     3) as She feels i dress needlessly when at home, requiring Her to do more ironing, She will choose what i am to wear. i am to undress and put on the clothes She choose.

     4) as She felt having to hand wash my silk bras/panties ( i no longer wear panties, so not an issue) was a waste of time, i was told to ask Her if She felt my white udders ( i said breasts) were firm enough to go braless." For an old white woman they are ok"

Long enough for now, rest later when i have had time to fully comprehend what these changes will mean to me.

i was called "disgusting " and "perverted" by two separate Black Dommes in messages.  That made me wet.

THAT is where i am now mentally and physically.

The fundraiser was nerve wracking, intense in short bursts, then, a period of peace when i was distracted..then humilated again. As i was instructed to wear neither panties or bra, my scent was a constant in the air around me, my nipples constantly aroused by the silk of the dress...

i did choose an attractive young Black Female, before the activities started,and "asked" Her to stay close to me throughout the evening. i had to address Her as Miss Yolanda, Her name from Her nametag.

i was told to compliment Her throughout the evening, and did, complimenting Her on Her hair, Her eyes, Her work ethic, etc etc

All nite long, 5 hrs of compliments. At first, She did little but smile. But as the evening progressed, feeling i am sure that at bare minimum i was hitting on Her..gawd if She only knew the real dynamics at play....She got move vocal and actually talked to me..apparently a no no from the support  staff to guests.

Seriously not as smooth and  easy as it may sound here. i was stuttering stammering, avoiding eye contact every time i approached Her...me, Her, not  SHe, me. a subtle difference but i felt it..

my animal cunt was a mess by the end.

i am still a bit shaky here  as i just had 4 orgasms :)

my Black Goddess gave me to another Superior Black Domme to use this morning and it was an HOUR of pure hell and torment and slutty  pleasure. Sooo slutty.

She made me rub my animal clit while She "placed" me in the middle of a room full of Superior Black Females and i was ordered to put on a live porn show for Her, Them.

Finger in my animal cunt hole. white thighs splayed wide open, cunt open. sloppy wet. And She tormented me with all Their mocking and abusive comments. 2 fingers.

She made me fuck faster. More laughter. Wanted to cum. She said NO.

i had to lick and suck my animal cunt juices off my fingers. More laughter.

Vibe on clit. i was mindless by then so am sure i do not remember all of it. i could feel the drool out of my mouth. SUCH a pathetic white animal.

fucked fast and hard. wanted to cum. She said NO

vibe on clit, fingers fucking. reduced to a "dog in heat". More laughter at me.

She told me to CUM NOW BITCH. i did. 4 times.like a wave washing over me.

i am such a  pathetic dumb white animal slut for Superior Black Females to use.

i am getting ready to attend a political fundraiser that my husband is involved in. A formal Black tie affair.

i am to ask Miss Quinne, our younger Black Domestic,  formerly Quinne, who helps me dress for formal affairs, whether i should go braless or use a strapless pushup bra. And ask Her for any other dressing advice.

She will see not only my dumb white animal udders, She  will notice that i am not wearing any panties per my instructions.

i am to hold up my udders for Her consideration of going braless or not.

She is 19 years old and a Black Superior Female.

Tonite, i am to pick out one particular Black Superior Female working as servant staff and compliment Her all nite long. In front of my dumb white animals snotty rich bitch friends.

It is not for me to use the word "thought or think" anymore, as i am a dumb white animal and  white animals do not think.

But: i did ..wonder :)....and blush a bit ... that i am getting  so many compliments about my new profile. And yet...i am getting compliments on being dumb and stupid.

i am to  be completely open and graphic here .By having my inner most, intimate, darkest feelings viewed by any Superior Black Female, i feel like i am exposed on a medical exam table, all my holes open & vulnerable. Yet it is my dumb white animal mind that is open  to be browsed through at Their leisure. Laughed at, mocked.

i feel like i have this huge window pane in my forehead, so that They can look directly inside my mind. Study it if that is Their interest. Certainly, be amused at what They find. And do not find.

my new profile reflects the most recent development in my journey to be the best dumb white animal slave i can be.

last night, i put a large orange carrot in my cunt hole, in deep all the way, and then used 3 large paper clips on my cunt lips  to keep it firmly locked in.

i then came by fucking my asshole with a larger carrot.

She laughed, mocked,  and called me a pathetic white slut.

i write this to totally degrade and embarrass myself for any and all to enjoy for their amusment.

Please feel free to email any degrading comments.

To get a full understanding as to how difficult this entry is, yesterday's last entry gives a bit of edification ..to the extent i am making any sense now. The dumb white animal mentality seemingly getting more and more entrenched in me.

To get here, though, i had to ask my youngest Black domestic how i should describe what i was introduced to the other day, i.e. vaguely or graphically. She is 19 and has worked for me for over a yr. i never "talk" to Her. So, while not having to give Her any specifics, or even a generalization, it was still one of the most difficult conversations i've had in my life. 

She was shocked, to say the least, that i even asked Her to sit down a bit. She stays constantly busy.

She said i should be vague..and i could have hugged Her to tears, as i had to take Her advice  & even being general is hard enough with this subject.

So..i was introduced to 2 forms of anal use yesterday. One involving my fingers, as i presume is evident from an earlier entry. The other...not my fingers. Something large i "chose" from my office.  It was not a  piece of office equipment. i was eating a snack brought to me by Her earlier.  i had to insert "it", then use it, till i came.  Then i had to clean it.

Again, last night. But in both holes. one closed by 3 paper clips to keep it locked deep inside.  The other hole was used again till i came.

If anyone read the book  Sophie's Choice, in which a Jewish mother of twins, boy & girl, while standing in the selection line..to the left, death, to the right, life ..for a bit anyway, was made to choose by a SS camp doctor  one to stay with her to the right, the other having to go to the left..................

Well, what i am faced with here is nothing like that of  course. But what i am forced with here is a blow to my white Irish pride.  Either way i take it in the chops as my Irish grand da used to say all the time.

So, not the lesser of two evils by any means:

Choice A:  i was instructed by a Black Domme,when showering after being a white slut & cumming till i went mindless, as i washed off the scent and the sloppiness, to repeat to myself " i am a dumb white animal" four times.Slowly.  And then to finger myself to another orgasm.

Needless to say, i ended up on the floor of the shower, legs splayed wide slut like,  panting like i was in heat like said dumb white animal.

Choice B : i need to  get advice from my Black Domestic first, so that one will have to wait till i can talk to Her. That in and of itself is a whole different mindfuck.

where to start ? ? ?

Yesterday, i learned something about myself, yet again. i feel like i am child waking up to a new world every morning. Except the adults here are nothing like the ones i knew growing up !

i found out that COLLEEN"s brain, her white mind, is totally irrelevant here. So much for all the money my father spent on giving me the best education possible. i have gone from intelligent to dumb. Yet, that is getting to sound more and more delicious. Have i fully accepted it? Not quite yet to be honest. Is it sounding more and more like  what i need to be a proper white slave? Unquestionably.

A young Black Domme slapped me hard yesterday, figuratively speaking unfortunately. She taught me things i would have never even listened to before now; let alone considered as something i need real life.

Her manner was not harsh. Quite the opposite, which is why Her message caused such an intense reaction in me. She was completely nonchalant, just matter of factual in Her delivery. Like She was lecturing a child about the very basics of the birds and the bees.

She taught me that a white slave is, basically, a dumb animal. One that needs to be put through a thorough process to determine its worth & subsequent role in a Black Domme's world. Once its worth is determined, she is then placed in the proper role and trained for it so that she may serve her true purpose as her role dictates.

Perhaps a pleasure animal. Existing to pleasure her Black Owner.  But still just an animal.

Perhaps as a domestic  servant animal.  Perhaps as an indoors pet, in all that that entails. Perhaps as a simple toy, to amuse Her and Her friends. Perhaps as simply  another piece of livestock, no real worth. Perhaps as an animal to service Her other real animals.

But in every instance, just a dumb animal with the most  basic of  animalistic sexual needs. no mind required in any role.

Now, what Her mind did to me later would fill pages here. Suffice to say, i discovered just how tight my ass is: 2 fingers wide (:  When a friend asked me why i was walking so stiffly this morning when we met for coffee i just told her i slipped and landed on my fingers. She looked at me like i was crazy. But, then, how does one explain that sanely??

So..this one threw me a curve. And early in the morning, too :)

K9 is not just A dog !

Do need time to think that one through.

Lessons learned today:

   1) humilation is my own worst/best nightmare.

   2) i can never look at our two Black domestics in their eyes ever again.

   3) there is still a bit of Colleen in me. i find her more and more boring.

   4) i am starting to love colleen. she is who i want to be now.

   5) did i mention how much humilation messes with my mind ?

        *** other body parts as well

    6) Colleen's taboos are colleen's  darkest scariest secrets.

Enough already. I woke up to a full page of males viewing my profile after deleting a page full last night.

10 more in the past 5 minutes.

So, as of now, to keep them away from me..yea yea I know, wishful thinking..i am officially now a lesbian here.

Well, what an interesting night last night. The boring part was getting so many males viewing my profile that it took me a good 10 minutes to delete them all from that link, they were literally filling up the page.

Best part was also the most nerve wracking one. i met a 19 yr old Black Female Domme, and i have no clue as to where She gets Her evil ideas when it comes to humilating and degrading white females. At 19 ! ! To say my Irish eyes were opened is the understatement of the yr. As well, my cunt lips, too :)

i kept asking myself, colleen , could you REALLY do that? or that? and, worst yet,  WANT that or that too?  i do i do i do i  really do.

Then i met a very very strong willed Black Domme from out west. She immediately jumped into my mind, dancing around a bit, then She gave me instructions to send Her a fantasy from the deepest darkest parts of my mind. Did send Her one, but as i told Her, i have 10000's stored up :)

Whew. i can make MONEY doing this? I have never worried about such, but in the    sweet name of Michael   Collins,  $500 to use a male's cock as an ashtray for a long cigarette?  all male goes to bulk but as i was deleting them from there....I had over 70 to delete...what he said popped up as i was deleting it.

OK! so i get that my profile is wordy.  i get it. But i have kept all this crammed deep inside me for yrs now, and even though i seek to be a slave, this is my only chance perhaps to speak my white Irish mind :)