Want

 I have certain preferences for a potential submissive. They include how she will present herself, how she will dress and speak when she is by my side, how she will carry herself when she is not. I have a number of protocols that may not be common but nor are they particularly unusual. But these are all things she will learn, over time.  

 I do not want a robot who will simply follow instructions without personal input. I do not want to control every aspect of your life, with whom you may interact or the methods of interaction. There are a lot of things which I don't want to control, as I prefer to have a girl who can think and solve problems. I don't want or need a 'slave' in what has become all too common a description here.  

 I'd rather have someone who can challenge my mind as I challenge hers, who can teach me from her experiences as I teach her from mine. Demure, responsive, but an equal partner who chooses to be less than equal when with me. To the rest of the world, she is who she is, kneeling only to me.

Unless asked, I do not interfere with job, school or family obligations. We all have lives on the outside that enable us to live our lives on the inside.

Training 

 To train someone is to mold and shape her into who she will become in this lifestyle, not simply a play-thing for the time being. But 'training' is also a misnomer. It's thrown around a lot, and on the surface it sounds like a good deal. Often, it can be. But it's not like job training where you learn a trade that can be applied everywhere. But in some ways it can. 

Training is about learning to meet the expectations of your dominant. Every dominant has their own expectations. It's about learning to serve one person, to their liking... to their needs and wants. And learning to anticipate what they will need or want, without regard to reward, but for the pride of your service.

 Some areas, such as protocol (adherence to rules, interactions with other dominants and submissives alike, manner of dress and personal attendance), service (seeing to the needs and personal comforts of your dominant, whether it be fluffing a pillow for his head is he lays on the couch or attending to his dinner and serving it in a fashion in line with his desire, to learning to anticipate what he will need or want before he needs or wants it and having it ready), sexual service (willing to be always ready, giving me what I want, when, how and where I want you), and power exchange (lending power and control over yourself to another) have overlap or crossover from one dominant to another.   

In learning to serve the needs of one, you will have a better understanding in how to serve the needs of another later in your journey. 

 With respect to power exchange, I say lend because power and control over your person is lent, not given. It can be taken back if your needs are not being met or if things don't work out for whatever reason. Without your willing submission, there can be no dominance of you, nothing to hold you there. Anything else is delusional, or worse, criminal. 

The slavery of yester year is illegal, but in the context of BDSM is voluntary servitude. Emphasis on the word voluntary. 

Service 

I've been in talks lately with someone interested in serving me and providing service. I've been served in the past in a variety of ways, including domestically, but I have never required domestic service (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) of my girls. Often enough, it would occur eventually and become part of her regular service to me. 

As this is a public journal entry, it should be noted that service falls into many categories and is not the only relationship type I have been party to or am looking for. There are also control, s/m, rope and psychologically based relationships (d/s). 

There have been a multitude of services provided to me and as I think back, I have enjoyed having a great number of them.  I am writing this to keep and to have as a negotiation tool for future service based relationships.

Firstly, do you imagine yourself being reactive or proactive in service?

Reactive, at its core, is following orders to tackle and complete a task as requested and waiting for the next order. A lot of oversight, little in the way of personal preferences. Doing exactly as you are told, nothing more, nothing less. 

Proactive is more personal and allows for planning and thinking. Figuring out what I want or need before I want or need it. Discovering and learning how I like things and having these things ready. From how I like my coffee to be made and served to me, to taking pride in my appearance when we go out. Making my life easier so that I can spend more of my free time enjoying the things that I enjoy, my girl especially. 

Sexual service attaches with either type and initially it will be very reactive, learning what really turns me on and what doesn't, and as you learn more about my likes, become more proactive at ensuring that I garner the most pleasure in our sexual time together. Over time, these will become your favorite things to do, as the more proficient you become at giving me pleasure, the more appreciative and giving I am at ensuring yours. You will be used and enjoyed often and will maintain yourself in ways so as to be ready for me at any time, anywhere. You will be fucked mercilessly especially when you are on your period.

There is personal service where you may be my personal assistant, sometimes unpaid employee, and may at times bathe me, shave my face, trim and manscape my nethers. Give me foot massages and back rubs when needed, back scratches often, and become an integral part of my daily routine. 

Granted, daily routine is something of a misnomer, as it is unlikely that you will be living with me, at least at first. If things work out, that may indeed change.

You may be used as furniture... a foot rest, a table on which to rest my cup and plate when I'm eating, my teddybear when I sleep, my alarm clock in the morning (you'll find that morning head is one of the nicest ways to wake me, second only to morning pussy).

If rendering good service to another gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside, without guarantee that you'll receive anything from it, then we'll have a lot to talk about, to figure out and negotiate.

Coming out to this lifestyle, exploring your kinks, can be a pretty exciting yet scary thing. Exciting, because lets face it, it's highly eroticized and much of it is sexual. Giving yourself to someone for their pleasure and use, finding the niche where you feel most useful, can be very rewarding. But there are dangers out there. If you're new, this can seem like a candy store with pleasures abound, fast talkers who you find easy going and promising, many who also are new and look to you as someone to learn with. 

There are too many wildcards out there, men and women alike who have done a lot of reading, studying, playing with feathery floggers found at a sex shop, and profess themselves to be experienced dominants. Many lack real the real world experience of having thrown a heavy flogger, issued precision strikes with a cane, or reached in and grabbed hold of a girl's inner core, in a safe and responsible manner.

You shouldn't treat this place, this lifestyle, this website, any differently than if you were meeting someone in vanilla life. He wants to get in your pants. And to be perfectly honest, so do I. But I want to get into your mind first. 

Be careful out there.

I don't identify specifically as a daddy, but my D/s tends to be more in line with DD/lg (DaddyDom/littlegirl). Not so much for the age play aspect but for the more relaxed atmosphere. I don't jump up and down screaming if my girl makes a mistake. There is discipline but there is also patience and understanding.  It takes time to teach, and it takes time to learn. Punishment isn't about causing pain, it's about correcting bad behavior, and comes in many forms.

DD/lg is about being supportive, caring, nurturing. It's about teaching someone to do more than just accept their needs and desires...but embrace them in a positive, loving and controlled environment. It also allows for easier transition into this lifestyle for someone newer, without many of the more rigid controls present in a regular dominant/submissive relationship. 

I am straightforward in my enjoyment of a girls largest erogenous zone. It lies between her ears, not her legs. And I take special delight in fucking a girl's mind long before I touch her body.

I've long had a preference for intelligent, strong minded, independent, sensual women. I've especially enjoy women who have responsibility in the 'nilla world: leading, managing, coaching, guiding. I've worked, played with and owned more experienced submissives but have gotten a penchant of late for beginners and novices who have fantasized and hungered for a proper introduction to the joys of BDSM.

There's nothing more pleasurable than taking a girl by the hand and guiding her through the unknown, exploring her fantasies, secret desires, in a place where she lacks the control she's enjoyed for probably all of her adult life; to see the light shine in her eyes when she begins to understand the power, the enlightenment this lifestyle can offer her.

It's a place where she can release her every responsibility, stress, and fears of her every day life. To just be. And to do without thinking, not asking, nor directing. But of course, everything is discussed before, and often during. The unknown be quite an alluring place, where fantasies can become memories.

Some of my philosophies, thoughts and outlook.

A d/s relationship can all too often be defined as a 'dynamic situation.' it evolves over time.

I do not like Y/you text. You may as well type in all CAPS, it would be less annoying.

If she (or the occasional he) isn't mine, I have few expectations. I have a name and it isn't ' sir.' Except when used as a sign of admiration, affection or genuine respect (tone counts for a lot).

I don't care much for the old guard ways. If they worked so well, they would be universal. Evolution isn't just for the apes.

Nor do I care for people who vociferously express their concern or opinion about how my submissive may behave in their presence. She's mine and therefore an extension of me, kneels only for me (including smart-assedness). She will treat you as I do.

The rules I set aside for mine are for her alone about whether and how she may do most anything, including communication. Likewise, your rules for your sub or slave end at that sub or slave. I will say hello to whomever I choose.

I have a special place in my heart for SAMs. I think its because im such a smartass. Good girls are boring.

Funishment trumps punishment any day of the week. I was raised by the belt and rather enjoyed it.

Not that I am purist, but some people really irk me. Especially the ones who are just looking to get laid.

The fake and flake doms, guys (mostly) looking for a fuck toy without any real comprehension of the reasons or need for the scene... Who see the lifestyle as a way to get lucky. There are a lots of these types, not trolling just on but in real time also.

It isn't just about fucking. There's so much more to it than that.

Box of Chocolates

My Disclaimer

There are times when I feel like I need a personal disclaimer. This is it.

I tend to feel the need to tell people certain things about myself, especially after we've begun talking. A number of things about me are often misread.

I take pride in being a gentleman. In being respectful, open and honest. When I have rights to someone, other traits join these.

I am not a domly dom. I don't walk through the door as mister master (I have little time for those who do). My dominance is something that builds with someone and it's different with different people.

You should not mistake my kindness for weakness. Or my playful, laid back and often giving attitude as anything resembling a pushover or submissive. I choose to conduct myself in an honorable and friendly manner. If you're looking for the other kind, Craigslist has plenty of wannabe dom's who are more than willing to abuse and rape you (not the fun kind).

I don't find a need to be harsh and overly demanding. Dominance and giving orders are not the same thing. I have certain expectations of a submissive or playmate. I'll make these clear as we get to know one another. I have found that simple requests are often more effective than direct orders. A smart girl will figure out what I want before I ask for it.

I do not like trumping myself up, painting too pretty a picture. I'm a conundrum of sorts, more complicated than simple. Painting myself in too nice a light just feels disingenuous. Not that it isn't true, but there is a lot more to me than the nice things (and oh how the fakes/flakes always sound so amazing).

I can be rough around the edges at times. And not just around the edges. I have gotten my foot caught in my mouth often enough that I will never forget the taste.

I'm not here looking for a quick hookup. This lifestyle

is very much a part of who I am, who I've become. To me, hooking up is using a vaginal or anal hook in conjunction with a suspension. That's not to say I don't play sexually. I play sensually. If she's available (not married or owned), play may be much more sexual.

I'm not out to woo you and screw you, hit it and run away. Fucking is just the beginning. In time, I will strip away not just your clothing, but your insecurities, your pride, and your fears, to a primal level. One from which to rebuild.

When I'm playing with someone I know and like well enough, rope, impact and sensation aren't foreplay. They're the reason for play. D/s is another story entirely, a reason for being.

SAMs, smartass masochists, hold a special place in my heart. I am a smartass and can appreciate a smart mouth. It's all the more fun when I have rights. Consensual non-consent is a wonderful turn of phrase. More so, it's application.

While I don't generally identify as a sadist, I do have a streak. I am skilled with canes, paddles, my single tail and home made cat. I have been called an evil, sadistic bastard on a few occasions, not simply because of pain.

I love to talk and write. I have been told it's disarming, even soothing. I speak with confidence. What I offer is not run of the mill. I have some difficulty articulating my thoughts in short form, and can easily write paragraphs to convey a simple thought or feeling. I made a decent living with my words in the past. Now, I speak and write out of comfort.

One of my more noticeable quirks is that I don't sound anything like how I write. I was born and raised in The Bronx. It is unmistakable when I speak. As I become friends with someone, it gets thicker.

I am honest and open about most everything. I tend to be upfront about my feelings and opinions. At times, I have been called arrogant, uncaring. I am neither and I am both. At the same time, I'm pretty laid back. Add in respectful and careful with people new to me... I don't know that it spells perfect guy, but it does spell 'perfect me.'

I don't often play 'scenes.' Except for the occasional party. Away from the public displays that are parties, I engage in sensual play. If she (or on the very rare occasion, he) is masochist, I'll unroll the big play bag, allow my sadistic streak to breathe, as one would a fine wine upon uncorking.

Vanilla conversation over a cup of joe is a must with me. To see if we can get along, long before any play. I have a number of personal rules that I haven't followed too closely in the past but will in the future. Coffee is a must. I don't like to play or engage in other activities on the day of our coffee. We can discuss and plan for something in the days that follow.

SHE

She will have her own ideals, convictions and be headstrong at times. She will often have to juggle a few things to make time for me, and she will make time for me often.

She has a need for outward control in her life, to let go of who she is when she is with me. She will serve my wants, needs and desires. With trust this will come easily. Her needs and wants will be met as they coincide with mine.

She will kneel to me. Curb her sharp tongue. Accept what I give her, and what I do to her.

She will be forced to come. Often repeatedly. Simply because the look on her face amuses me, the way her body shudders. The look in her eyes, primal and savage. I will tease her endlessly.

She will be given pleasure when and how I choose.

She will be bound often. Spanked if she's good. Suspended when time and location permit. Her mere curiosities will learn experience, her thirst quenched.

She knows her way around a kitchen, and knows how to bake. Oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip cookies, cakes and other treats. She will surprise me with home cooked meals when schedules permit.

She will be cherished, shown affection, and she will be affectionate.

She will be objectified, used for my sole pleasure. She will derive pleasure from being used as my personal come dumpster. She fantasizes about being a dirty, dirty slut. She will be my slut.

She will be my partner, my friend and confidant.

She will communicate her thoughts, opinions and desires, but she will bow to my lead, accept my decision.

She will, if need, be my secret.

She will be mine.