I don't know what my problem is. I'm so seriously depressed. I need something to change for the better soon :(

Well, I've been off for about a month. I guess a status update is in order. I have been seeing a wonderful man since 10/16/12 and updated my profile, but forgot to say anything in here.. So here it is, a month and fortnight late, but still updated.

I am open to friendly conversation, but only as friends. Please be respectful of my wishes, or I'll probably get an attitude... :)

I can't sleep :(

Omg just sang my voice raw doing karaoke. So much fun with my best friend <> (Kudos to anyone that gets what <> means!)

I'm making a Pathfinder e6 character :)

Wow, it's been almost a year since I've been on last. Since my last journal entry I finalized my divorce and ended up in a 10 month relationship that sadly, and unexpectedly, ended two nights ago. It was much fun, but all good things sometimes must come to an end. Currently I am just looking for friends while my heart mends, but I don't want to discourage any possible suitors :)

I have just been hired into the field that I went to school for! Yay!

I'm so excited.. I just ordered my first sex toy!

Know what I love about the lifestyle the most? Looks are usually deceiving :3

Divorces are expensive >.<

So I'm in the final stretch and then I graduate...! August 20th and I'm done with this leg of the journey to my career goals~ Then I just have to pass the boards.. I can do it <3

I have recently found myself following Freya, it's a lovely feeling, evoking one's goddess by name and not by title. Life is good.

Blessed be!

I am learning to top with a lovely young man. I have already learned that the taste of fear and lust is powerful and arousing. Once I learn the dynamics, I shall learn the other parts of the equation.. bondage, light spanking/whipping.. I'm excited. Life is good.

Blessed be.

Some days all you can do is sit naked and contemplate the meaning of life. 

I had a wonderful time today hiking a little and splashing around. Although there were more people than I would have preferred. Oh well. I really enjoyed my day, I should do this more often. But I do look forward to some DDR tomorrow :D

I have lost 20lbs since I moved out from my husband :D

I am super tired.. and I still have two more days to go.. I just have to keep telling myself "I think I can.. I think I can.." hehe..

I hope everyone is having a great week, and I'll be on this weekend (hopefully) to continue to harass the world! :D

Blessed be!

Don't message me if you haven't bothered to read my profile. 

Christ, I just had a man get upset because I'm separated, but still legally married. I had assumed (foolishly) that he had read my profile, it's not like I'm hiding it, it's pretty much one of the first things I say! Dear Gods what is wrong with people?!

Why are people so stupid and arrogant?Granted... I think the funniest part about the situation is that this idiot calls himself a slave.

I have noticed that I explain myself way too much for no real reason. I think that I would also like to point out that even though I have some craziness going on in my life that it is all background noise. I have too many priorities and responsibilities to get wrapped up in stupid stuff that is nothing more than a bump in the road. 

In spite of the recent events I would like to point out that I am not a 'Dramatic' person. My friends often come to me to shut things down. I may not always be the most effective at ending what is going on, but I will at least get it moved out of my airspace. 

I will rant on occasion to get it out of my system because I do have a stress-ulcer that likes to sneak up on me when I hold in all my frustration.

Right now my only job is 30 hours a week of LPN training, which admittedly leaves me bored because I'm used to having a full time job with a part time to stave away boredom.. But when I was employed and schooling I sadly made poor grades. I see it as a temporary set-back, just like my moving back in with my father. Nothing more than temporary. This will pass once I pass my NCLEX. 

Such as all things pass and are set in the stone of History, this too shall go the wayside ;)

Blessed be!

Oh bother. I wish I hadn't trashed my cam, but what would most women do if they found their husband taking naughty pictures with it and saying "Oh, I was taking it for you" when he normally acts like a prude. Granted, most women probably wouldn't of taken his word for it and done more than just trashed the cam... but I tend to be very loyal (and stupid) when I'm trying to make a relationship work. Meh. 

The best I have right now are cell pics and I guess that isn't enough for most. If I really need to verify who I am I can always go through facebook, right? Yar! I even have a account! Granted I haven't taken down pictures there like I did here... Mayhaps I'll post a pic of me after all..

On a brighter note I had a great time playing D&D with friends. I got home at 0400 central. Good times! Our 6 person group of level 9 characters killed a CR 14 dracorage/ ravaging red dragon/hellfire wyrm! It only took 2 rounds and the initial suprise :D

I was reading a little in the "Ask a Switch" forum and I was really surprised to read how frequently people discount Switches because they can go either way. That's like discounting Bisexuals because they can go either way. I am a little bothered that because I don't label myself as a Sub because I have mostly Submissive traits that I am not actually looked at seriously by most. I do get Dominant with some people, and I enjoy a mild battle of the wills at times with a Dominant man. I want to be conquered and sometimes I want to conquer. What's so wrong with that?

My Little Bro's Fiancée hurt my feelings earlier today so I made her cry. Felt good. Now my family (with the exception of Daddy) are all up in arms. They seem to think I'd hurt someone's feelings for no reason. It's sad that the people that raised me think I'd act out like that with no provocation. That hurts my feelings more than the little girl telling me I was mean, rude, and no longer a bridesmaid. How is it they don't know me by now? I used to get my feelings hurt all the  time when I was a kid, why would I do it unprovoked? That's fine, if they think so little of me so be it. They're not a real part of my life anyway. It still hurts me they think so little of me. Ah well, tomorrow is another day...

So be it.

I just had someone get upset at me because I didn't feel comfortable going straight from email to a phone call. I have a progression. Email, Live Chat, Phone Conversations, and then Maybe Meeting. I don't understand why that is so difficult to respect.  Obviously he was not worth my time, but that is not quite the point. 

 Anyway, I'll be doing school work for the rest of the eve. Maybe I'll finish early and come back out to play. I hope everyone's day has been as wonderful as my own! Blessed be, friends and kinksters :)

Wow.. Just found out my husband had a heart attack. I don't even kind of know what to think. I feel sick because I know that me leaving has caused him so much stress... wow..

A little something about me that may be of interest is probably how my weight is proportioned on my figure, I suppose. Many will see that I'm overweight and think I'm the typical apple-shaped girl that is all belly, maybe some boobs, and no butt. On the contrary.. My measurements are as follows:

46-39-54

I am pretty much all hips, butt, and thighs. I need to get a full picture of myself sometime, but there is only so much one can do with a mirror and it not look bad. I'm making plans, but until then I only have face shots that I'll share with interesting, intelligent people.

Until next time, 

Blessed be :)

Well, I had a hospital visit due to my ulcer acting up worse than it has in many years. Maybe it's a new one, because I'm pretty sure these things heal.. heh.. Well at any rate hopefully a bland diet will help out again. Not like I could stomach much in the ways of greasy or oily foods, so that's not even something I have to worry about cutting from my diet.. because I wasn't eating them anyway hah..

I hope everyone else is having a better day than I am :(

I had a blast with my friends this weekend. Definitely a nice change of pace to be semi kidnapped my those I trust most for a mild road trip. At any rate, I'm EXHAUSTED.

Blessed be and good night.

I had a lot of fun yestereve. Played D&D with my old group for about 10 hours :D! I got home around 3.. All in good fun :)

Today I'm gonna be running around with friends some more, so I'm pretty excited about that.. I suppose I should take my take-home-test before I start making trouble.. That is the responsible adult thing to do hehe..

Blessed be!

I am super bored today. I really hope to figure something out to do.. maybe I'll just hang out with my Dad.

Here I am again. I can't seem to make up my mind about the lifestyle. I want to, but then again when I do something I like to go all the way.. and I don't much care for having to segment my life to 'hide' things from my religious family. Then again, I'm not bad at segmenting my life.. I think I'm making excuses. Ho hum.

I had the extent of my real-life experience in my profile, but in reality this is a better home, so I'll just transfer that information here :)

IRL Experience:
Before my last vanilla boyfriend and I got together a friend treated me to my first flogging(?). After we talked and she made sure I understood Yellow and Red as That Almost Hurt and Ack! That HURT (well, in my terms).

I chose to strip down to my thong and she had me stand against a wall sorta in a "spreak'em" position and then warmed me up. She was wonderful in explaining to me what she was doing and why. After that we experimented as to what I like and dislike- Scratch, Scrape, Thud, Sting . I enjoy the middle two, mostly Thud in regards to spanking me.

My pain tolerence is laughable on my back, but I seem to enjoy a hearty blow to the behind. Until that point I thought a well-landed smack on the ass was heavenly. Thus the extent of my experience in the lifestyle.