I’m often asked how I handle the emotional bond that I have for a sub and what that means for  my feelings for my wife and any other special friends I might have. Of course, I deal with a lot of complex things with humor, so the flippant short answer is usually “very carefully.” Humor, but true nonetheless.

But there is more. First, I see the affection or even love I feel for anyone as its own thing, not some competitive force that must battle for space with the others. I often describe the bond I feel and the affection for each lover as being on its own distinct and different wavelength or channel. I often compare it to the love a parent has for each child or what you may feel for multiple very close friends. In this way I think I am basically pre-wired for being polyamorous in some form. Now that’s the basic framework. Within that framework my love for my wife of over a quarter century is the mountain and all else exists in that valley below what she and I have. Nothing comes close to that. The other relationships are not trivial. I tend to bond very strongly and to very few. I nurture and care for my other relationships with great respect and a sense that managing them carefully is the best way to honor myself and my lover. If I do not value and respect a woman deeply we won’t be in this kind of relationship.

What a great attitude, right; what could possibly go wrong? Emotions are powerful, unpredictable, and do not always work the way we would expect them to. They do not answer to the logic of the higher parts of the brain where we make sense and have words and logic to describe and guide things. The emotions around sex and love are among the strongest and most ancient and even when treated with the utmost respect (the kind of respect a seasoned sailor has for the sea that he knows is as dangerous and unforgiving as it is beautiful) things can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. So, yes, I have taken missteps and there has been pain. I’ve been at fault, others have been at fault, but really in the end it was the price that will be paid from time to time when you do adventurous things. Sometimes it’s just that I am who I am...the man that loves women will be a challenge to a jealous heart. And I don’t fault those that have jealousy or other emotions when they think about my feelings for others, this can be very painful and quite uncontrollable. This is my extreme sport and if you are doing any extreme sport right you will have some scars. I learn from each adventure and it gets applied and I am never careless with a lover’s physical or emotional safety. The main lesson I share about emotions with anyone who will listen uses a word from the one of the most intelligent people I have ever met, a former lover, who spoke of “processing” emotions. She and I believe it is very important to deal with emotions and process them and that ignoring them is extremely dangerous. If you ignore them, they are still there and they will come back to the surface, stronger and more dangerous. If you face them and are unable to deal with them, then you are doing something you are not equipped for and need to make changes.

The joy of getting to the creamy center…

I am actually very difficult to suck to orgasm. Only two women in my life have managed it (update...one other was successful). One did it on her first and only attempt. Then, a wonderful sub years ago found a way; and, once she could do it she could do it routinely to the great satisfaction of us both. 

Of course I love it and will let you enjoy me at length and I will love every second too. I’ve also been evil and let the challenge become a bet. Even though I’ve won the bet every time, the loser has never regretted it!

So… who will step (or is it kneel) forward and accept the challenge next?

I wrote this for a friend, but it’s nice to share, isn’t it?

Okay... imagine you got a message from me... I will travelling through an airport near you...meet me at the airport... the VIP lounge... You arrive; I am called, I'm in my suit from travelling, I hug you, greeting you warmly...so happy to meet, I lead you into the VIP area and soon we go into a small room. It's essentially a tiny hotel room...I take you by the shoulders... "don't stop to think...just obey.. I have not long" as I push down on your shoulder..."on your knees" I whisper in a voice that says I know you will. You comply, mesmerized by the situation and having not expected to be alone with me you just can't decide how to react... "Don't open your mouth" I tell you, my voice even, measured.... I unzip...you close your eyes as a means to somehow not admit to the situation being real...

Then you feel the warmth and firmness of my cock along the side of your face... I rub it over...under your chin to the other side... this time as I go back the head caresses across your lips....

"You have thought of having me in your mouth...haven't you" I whisper..."Open your mouth and I will take it..."

You look up at me… part of you still trying to decide… but your mouth just opens…. I gently hold your head in my hands as I slip my cock into your mouth...the head slips in, your lips wrap instinctively as I begin to move in and out, slowly stroking, barely more than my head going in… I use your mouth gently...feeling lips on the ridge of my head as you begin to lose yourself in the moment… now you feel me taking you a little more...going faster… not real deep, not real rough...but long enough for you to think to yourself that you are being facefucked by a man you just met… I slow for a moment…”Show me you like it” I say.. my voice even still, if not a little husky from my arousal…. And I let you start to suck….

You start to lose yourself on my cock. warm hard, big for tiny you. You begin to forget the situation and just focus on the feel of it in your mouth, sliding in and out as you begin to bob your head on it. I stroke your hair… “That’s a good girl” as I begin to moan a little.. You focus on the spot you’d hit when I moaned, now licking the little spot under the front of my head for a moment before going down on me to feel me deep in your mouth… You finally look up at me and can see I’m watching your young innocent face full of my hard cock… I wink as you close your eyes and dive back into your task and enjoying my still growing and now quite stiff cock…  I am beginning to thrust gently to your rythym… Me gently fucking into your sucking mouth…. The rhythm growing more urgent as our bodies begin to commune...no spoken words just shared hunger...You hear my belt buckle jingle as it’s removed….and set on the small bed just behind where you are kneeling and now eagerly sucking my cock… My pants are unbuttoned… I let them drop… tell you to hand them to me as I step out.. you still serving me hungrily… I hang the slacks on a hook...then I step back… you look at me confused...your eyes fall on the cock you now suddenly miss…. “Stand” I command softly, guiding you up lifting your arms...I turn you by your shoulders… “hands flat on the bed...legs straight” I tell you, getting you into a bent over position looking down at the belt on the bed… I now pick up the belt… you feel your skirt lifted, exposing your panties….

You feel the belt against the back of your thigh, I rub it up it, letting you feel the smooth coolness of the wide strip of leather. I speak softly. “This is not punishment...this is because you need it. And. remember to keep your noises down. Okay?”  You are unsure of the situation, your mind wants to say “stop… no, no more” but you just nod and try to brace and breathe and be ready to not make sound. You hear it swish through the air and feel the sting across both cheeks… You emit the tiniest squeal and hear my “good girl” as the swish and the sting repeat. Now, here you are, you’ve only been with me in real life for maybe 20 minutes and you’ve sucked my cock on your knees and now submitted to a spanking...and feeling yourself getting very wet. You are suddenly afraid both that I will fuck you next… and that I won’t…. I keep striking, even blows, the pain sharp...making you focus… you don’t even notice that you are trembling...This takes you to a place… the focus making the rest of the world disappear and you feel a calmness sometimes interrupted with an extra painful swap….Sometimes my voice leaks into your consciousness.. You hear me praising how well you are taking this...how you are clearly enjoying…. you feel my caresses on your back.. you feel that connection… somehow I am comforting you.. you feel it as a reassurance and know that I can feel through that touch where you are and how thankful you are for what I am doing...now the belt is set on the bed again...You feel panties pulled aside….”so wet” I whisper as my fingers run along your lips…. I don’t ask I just take...invading your most personal space… just as you are about to recoil my finger enters you….my hands down, fingertip finding and moving over your g-spot...you surrender to the expertise of my hand as I begin to finger you….your body surrenders to me...you push against my hand...unspoken words of desire… “This is how your body begs, my sweet” I whisper down to you.

I finger you slowly….you surrender deeper and deeper no longing thinking about anything other than the rising orgasm… Just as it seems to be about t crash over you like a wave...the finger is gone… you whimper slightly at the loss, and hear a soft laugh from me. “Good girl, you will get want you want shortly.” And the belt begins to swat you again… After a quick build up of fast blows… It stops… you are quivering, your back arching as your body undulates…. I pull you up by your shoulders.. You are standing, back to me….facing the bed still...I pull you back against me… and for the first time you feel my hardness against your rear… I take something from my pocket… you feel a ball gag pressed to your mouth...you accept it unable to voice your fears. “You will need this when I am using you.” I buckle it and you are unable to speak… Now your arms are pulled behind you….the belt comes around your arms..I loop it around them and your lower arms are bound together behind your back...I push you forward...now you are standing, arms bound and a gag in your mouth as I bend your forward, your face to the bed… I pull your panties down...flip your dress back up...without warning my head comes to your lips… I slip it up and down your slit… “So wet” I whisper….”now remember, when I get close...I will remove the gag and you had better swallow everything or it will drip on your dress…”  With that I let my head find its way into you and feed you my cock slowly, holding your waist to steady you….and pull you onto me…. I take you deep...opening you,,, your back arches you go to rise ….a hand on your back pushes you back down…. I pull nearly out...then slowly fill you again… letting you feel my size...enjoying pushing slowly into your tightness.

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Thought of the day - What does being a Dom do for me? What does it mean for me?


All of this is in the context of my own situation, for me being a Dom is an occasional outlet, I have a great vanilla marriage and she lets me run off now and then and explore this beautiful world.

This was inspired by a question posted in a FL group by a friend, so I’ll answer the actual question she asked first; that’s the “What does it do for me” part. First of all, I get to express that side of me that normally does not get to come out and play. I see what I do as my art form and I love expressing it. I enjoy playing with and arousing a woman with my hands and various toys and seeing the lovely reactions. The Dom-sub dynamic also provides infinite means of mental toying and manipulating of her mental state for her complete arousal. Seeing a woman get off is a huge turn on to me, every aspect from the initial subtle signs of arousal to that writhing, hip-bucking, have-to-hold-on crazed release of a shuddering orgasm. Of course, I get to get off too; I won’t dwell too much on the obvious, but a woman in the state I create is usually more than happy to offer a hungry mouth, wet pussy and sometimes more for use and pleasure. Also, subs to me are usually good friends and the intimacy and connection is so beautiful. I am deeply honored when a woman will expose those parts of her (both physical and emotional) that are the most vulnerable and usually the most guarded.

The “What does it mean for me?” part:

I’ve already covered what I get out of it above, so this is how I see my role more than anything else.

Being a Dom, to me, means first and foremost being a guide to her inner subbie. When a woman is a good match, it’s all about helping her explore these desires and helping her do those things she’s often only dreamed about. Newbies tend to be my niche for some reason, often the kind that are firmly established as not at all submissive in the rest of their lives. My job here is to provide a safe, nurturing, non-judgemental, and caring environment that will allow her inner subbie to step out progressively as she becomes more and more comfortable with it. I enjoy this exploration and seeing the exciting naughty things that come out. It is amazing to watch as she goes through the layers of submission, surrendering layer by layer to the moment and my command. It’s also a tremendous honor to have someone trust me and allow themselves to become so vulnerable.

Being the Dom means taking full responsibility for her pleasure, her physical well being and emotional well being. This means being prepared and having a plan. This means managing the relationship; managing how you explore each other’s wants, needs, and limits; and managing the actual sessions. I feel that I need to establish myself as a trustworthy leader in order for someone to allow themselves to fall under my command and become as vulnerable as a woman can possibly be.

Being a Dom means reading her carefully as you push her limits. Given my niche, this is extremely important. The biggest challenge for a Dom is to manage the balance that comes with trying to keep her at at the edge of her comfort zone. Of course there are exceptions when there is a special ‘happy place she needs to go to regularly (this achieves contentment rather than a rush). Every sub has their level of being pushed that they need. If not pushed enough, she’s getting vanilla when she wanted kink. Too much and she’s hurt and scared and wants to go home. Finding that edge is what makes her call you Sir without being asked to.

Being a Dom means being a relentless source of pleasure and never saying you’re sorry for it. She’s here to ride the biggest, coolest ride at the park, and I sure as hell am not giving her the spinning teacup ride. She wants the toys, she wants the touches, she wants used by somebody that knows how to make her cum and will do it over and over again. If it’s spanking she wants, I do it with glee and make sure it’s hard enough (see reading again). If she wants her mouth used hard and she wants to gasp for air and be a sloppy mess and I will give her that. If she wants bound, it’s cuffs and the spreader and enjoying her as I see fit and watching her melt for it. In my mind a primary goal of every session is to overwhelm her with the pleasures she seeks and to leave her exhausted and grinning and maybe a little sore.

To most of the people she knows she’s that sweet, good girl that nobody would suspect of having dark desires. To the man that sees it, she’s the one that needs commanded, needs used hard in every way relentlessly, and can and will take all that you give her and be proud of the marks and the soreness and thank you endlessly for it. Some people struggle with this because they can’t reconcile the two. I know I don’t need to.

The Philosophical Foundations of What I Do

I am a sensual, caring and respectful Dom who strives to help you create that emotionally and physically safe place where you can shed your defenses and be comfortable reveling only in the needs and desires that brought you to kink. Once we build that place, I will step up and help you explore those needs and desires in a calm, demanding, confident manner. Since your reactions are my greatest pleasure, I will adapt to your needs whether they be gentler or rougher. Keep in mind, that I am a caring man with a loving approach; so even when I am rough, it's not an angry aggression. I will call you Angel, Sweetie, Pet, or other terms of endearment (even as I use you hard and complement your endurance) rather than call you slut, whore or the like. The type of relationship I seek is very “friends with benefits”, seeking mutually fulfilling experiences through play and never abusive. Safewords and the establishment of soft and hard limits are always a prerequisite to any playtime.

My approach is to first provide a safe, nurturing, non-judgmental, and caring environment that will allow your inner subbie to step out progressively as you become more and more comfortable with me. I fully embrace the responsibility that comes with being the Dom. This means taking full responsibility for your pleasure, your physical well-being and your emotional well-being. Translation: I put effort into being prepared and having a plan for each session. This means managing the relationship; managing how we explore each other’s wants, needs, and limits; and managing the actual sessions. I see that I need to establish myself as a trustworthy leader in order for someone to allow themselves to fall under my command and become as physically and emotionally vulnerable as a woman can possibly be. This also means I will take the responsibility to learn what you need, not just guessing or blindly just doing what I want to do.
To me, being a Dom means reading you carefully as we push your limits. The biggest challenge for a Dom is to manage the balance that comes with finding the edge of your comfort zone. Every sub has their level of being pushed that they need. If not pushed enough, you're getting vanilla when you wanted kink. Too much and you're hurt and scared and just want to go home. Finding that edge is what will make you call Me Sir or Master without the instruction to do so.
I also know that the other side of that balance is between those breathtaking moments you will need your breath-catching moments. In between the highs of a session, you will need those moments of tenderness and aftercare with cuddles and soft kisses as you come back to earth and prepare for the next journey. I crave these moments of tenderness too, especially the connection they will build.

As your Dom in a session I know that it is my job is to be a relentless and unapologetic source of forbidden sensual pleasure. You are here to ride the biggest, coolest ride at the park, and I sure as hell am not giving you the spinning teacup ride. You want the toys, you want the touches, you want to be used by somebody that knows how to make you cum and will do it over and over again. If it’s spanking you want, I will do it with glee and make sure it’s hard enough.. If you want your mouth used hard and to gasp for air and be a sloppy mess I will give you that. If you want to be bound, it’s cuffs and the spreader bar and enjoying you as I see fit. In my mind, a primary goal of every session is to overwhelm you with the pleasures you've sought, and to leave you exhausted and grinning and sore.

I was asked bout my favorite spanking memory...

I could not pick just one, so it would have to be a composite. I've turned out to be sort of a gateway drug of a Dom with my caring side attracting curious newbies seeking a safe but skilled man to guide them into our wonderful world. This has given me is a number of experiences as the first man to spank a woman that wants to be spanked and is still not quite sure if this fantasy of hers is really going to be something that she enjoys in the flesh.

What I enjoy so much about these experiences is seeing that delicious mix of nervous and sexual energy as the first tense moments lead to the first swats. As they go from trepidation to feeling those first blows and the sensations and accompanying emotions first washover them and they understand that it is what they thought it was and more and begin to surrender to the moment.

It is such a beautiful thing to see that transformation from nervous woman pushing herself into something new to becoming that sexual being that has found her place and can reveal that side of her that is all about desire and pleasure and surrendering to someone that will see that what she needs will happen. It is always an honor to be that man, and the rewards are some of the greatest treasures imaginable.