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The apple and the tree, or is it the seed?
The bloom speaks, longs to be seen, tho
The shadow will eat the tree, what needs
Feeds what grows, and a girl sits, knows Time's teachings make karma sow...
zamarra
12/28/23
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Sadness flows like water.
It takes the shape of change,
As tears, as rain, as the sea
Rocking me into memory
Of being carefee, happy,
Riding those waves, bouncing
With the crest and fall as
Seagulls squawk loudly
As we remember Jonathan
And that book, Illusions, as
i grok understanding into
A moment where no reason
Finds me riddled by grief
And the answer resides
In a heart been broken
So many times, only the few
Dare touch its fire for it burns
Red and raw beneath the scars
And there is a wall between
Me and you i work at breaking
So i can share what's true.
zamarra
12/1/23 |
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8/22/23
Didn't know could post again...my my....my writing is elsewhere all of it but feeling shy here....i will have to pick a poem.
The choice was random.
It is heavy, this life:
A mountain
Won't move.
The sun burns.
Carrion feeds
Vulture needs.
Somehow we go:
Wings grow,
Living show
Of how we know
What we sow.
Waves come crashing:
Moon shadow
Pulls and pushes,
Half or full,
The tide hits
Ebb or flow,
Force let's go...
We stand
Together
And alone,
We stand
As One
And two,
We stand
Because
We can...
We stand
On land
Even though
Life hits hard,
We stand...we stand...
We stand,
A Muse,
And a Bard,
We stand,
Unable
To sink
In this crisis
Of quicksand.
August 2023
zamarra
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Surrender and yield, to listen and obey. Mistakes may be made that level a path. His way becomes clear, choice, His will. When nothing is lost, nothing is gained. When All is His need, meaning creates the deed. Forget about winning. This is not a game. Others may come, touchstones with faces. Remember His hold never let's go; Because He does not grip or use force, Ease is the comfort of being His desire For all a slave may need, His pleasure, Burns her only fire as His attention Grows into the only reason to be, why a girl breathes.
eslavegirl |
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A slave’s Lessons on Being a slave
This slave has learned many things from many different people, and is grateful to each one, even those who misused or abused her.
As much as a Master should never act in anger so a slave should never speak when she is in her anger. A slave should master her emotions enough to be able to contain them.
This is something this slave is far from Mastering but hopes to learn.
In M/s a Master and a slave is defined by his or her role. So even if a Master is wrong he is right. And if there is another individual who may know more if he or she is below an individual in rank that individual cannot be deferred to in any way.
Principles must rule. A slave must always obey the Master if owned. If not owned a slave should honor and show respect to another Master given no abuse or misuse or disrespect has been shown to the slave at all times.
Protocols and rituals matter in any dynamic but are unique to the dynamic. What works for one leather family or one Master/slave may not work for another.
For this slave, serving a Master is the highest honor she can have and yet it is the rare Master she can serve with all her heart for she must love and be devoted to a Master to serve Him. This slave has found it can be dangerous to be a slave for many who take the title do not embody what this slave considers necessary for any Master.
A slave must live and be ruled by her gratitude and joy in serving.
Kink and sex may have nothing to do with serving. To this slave in her very limited experience they are a gift or reward or perk of serving.
For this slave, there is no negotiation when owned. Any Master this slave would serve would never hurt this slave without purpose or intention. In the courtship and getting to know each other any and all concerns would already be known and respected.
Obedience is first and last rule of being a slave and serving.
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READ THIS please if you want to talk with me. Sometimes just chatting is fine.
Introductions:
That is what the 25 year old yoga teacher said. It is not about you….
And it never ever was….when it needed to be.
Now a Master will make it seem it is all about me. But it is not about me, at all.
Because without a Master I am nothing. Nothing at all….
Or without a Master I cannot truly be the slave I want to be.
I am a teacher.
I sister.
I am a friend.
I am a daughter.
I am a student.
I am a writer.
I am submissive.
I am strong.
I have an edge.
I have a heart.
I am raw.
I am tired.
To own me is to own all of these because that is what I am now.
I am a yogi.
I am angry.
I am passionate.
I am hungry.
I am intense.
I am naïve.
I am trusting.
I am smart as any and smarter than most.
To own me you must meet me.
You have no idea how many dances I have done in 9 months.
I want to be a slave.
But damn well better be willing to accept all of me if you think you want to own me.
The box broke.
Now I am whole.
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Grief rocks me in a womb of darkness.
The tears wash over me as I begin to see.
The scars protect the rage that raped me.
Memory can no longer hold me...yet I sit
Frozen afraid to feel what hope can hold
For mine is delicate as a baby bird that
Longs to find its wings and fly high in the sky
But now her heart is wrapped too tight
In the shadows of what she knew.to.be true;
Love always betrays though the lover
May speak truth...I reach beyond both to birth
A beauty I have yet to know but hold close
To save myself from a hatred that can ruin
What is true and pure and kill an innocence
Few dare know?
Eslavegirl
4/27/2016
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Darkness calls me.
The sound of a tree falling,
The random accident
That gives what it could not take.
There are many doors.
Choose carefully.
This girl is not behind every one.
She may show you the moon
Because it cannot show her.
She may stand behind a window
To distract you from what she sees.
She may cover grief with joy
And joy with grief
Since she no longer knows.
She may point at her heart
But that darkness holds no beat.
The fire that rages in the play
Won’t let her burn during the day.
Everything changes but stays the same.
Time moves the mystery into her ears
And she begins to sense meaninglessness
Can be shadowed by years yet growing
Deep in the earth with roots never known
She is a lightness that waits to be seen.
Holding to hope for that is all she dare own.
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Need Rapes
Need raped me till
I was nothing but blood
Dripping down my legs.
Need took me by the throat
And dared me to breathe
As I choked and struggled.
Need forced me to open
And took what was left:
A woman with her heart in her mouth
As her grief screamed silently.
Need took need as if it were trash
And threw it to the curb for the rats.
Need undid me until I realized
There was nothing left but scraps
To feed a pain I no longer feel.
Need raped me and made me
Stand on the fire of my desire
And denied what I wanted
As I took what was left and crawled
Into a space where no one would touch me.
4/19/2016
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Desire tickles and teases.
Tonight it is kind.
Tonight desire is your voice
In my ears that rocks
And soothes
So I imagine hands
That can choke and move
With fierceness
Caressing this girl
With eyes she dare not meet
Until all softens and opens
Yearning and hungry
Seeking to fill a need
Rarely seen that is the seed
Whose roots wind and dig
And hold to a source and flow
From what was born of raw meat
Of raped grief she cannot meet
Or find in her mother’s eyes for she died
And now the grave she has not seen
Rocks the bed of all she sees. |
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I want a clear path to the One before me. Obey. I am nothing without you and with you I am more than I could ever want. Learning what pleases when and what is considered acceptable takes time. Sometimes I walk. Sometimes I crawl. Sometimes I freeze. Sometimes I hide under any covering I can find. I laugh. I smile. I listen. I learn. I cry. I fold and unfold need now as if it were a handmade quilt built with the patches of a life lived where the challenges undid how I am to become the slave I am. Family. Friends. Lovers. Teachers. So many made differences big and small. I hand you that need which supports all my desires to feed a passion few have known. |
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TPE: Can it Take more than it Gi
This slave poses this question because she is not sure there is an answer but gives a gateway into the dynamic that holds you in a womb yet gives you wings to be.
Total Power Exchange means just that, an exchange. But if you are so busy giving you cannot see when you are being taken into a realm that has no safety net except a way to be.
Then a slave can find itself in the danger zone.
Then it is not an exchange.
Yet something is happening. And even when a slave is abused the process holds truth that cannot be denied.
The process of being broken down always holds a mirror that cracks us.
So happens in this slave’s life she has been through this a few times and each time she learns some truths in a different way that free her some and make her stronger.
Actually there is no choice.
In the process though of picking self up and putting it together there is loss and need and angst and tears in Total Power Exchange a primal need so raw that for this slave the need became everything and nothing.
And that need defined all she did and thought.
What she learned is what she always knew. Certain things no one can take away.
Total Power Exchange requires complete trust and surrender.
What happens when the person you trust, your Master, betrays you the slave and leaves you basically broken? Or, if the slave abuses your trust as well and leaves you disgraced if for no other reason that a Master should have known…
A Master implies many things beyond an ability to give orders or manipulate a slave’s emotions and need to please.
And a slave implies one universal: a slave obeys. Ask any Master what he wants and that is what he will say. Every Master will include that in his response.
So can TPE give more than it takes? Guess that depends on the Master or slave.
This slave will say it can be dangerous but whips and knives and fire are.
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BDSM: Meeting Need
It is raw. This slave’s need is being whipped till she bleeds. Her need is keeping her head down. Her need cuffs her body to a cross and surrenders completely. Her need met more than one man that put her on fire. Passion found her on the floor of a truck at 2 am floating in subspace. Her need undid her completely until she became nothing but need.
The slave was not real if not seen. It did not happen if she did not tell it. All she could think of was what a slave needs to be a slave.
But what is a slave? What does a slave need?
A slave needs a Master. And that is all she knew.
she had been broken though swore does not break. So let’s say she did not break just got rather bent in a few ways. she stopped caring. she did not care about her body. she did not care if she ate. she did not care if she overate. As long as she maintained a certain weight nothing else mattered.
she played with the edges since she was free and could do anything.
she played with many things. she did not sleep.
And sought a Master. slave looked in the morning. slave looked in the afternoon and slave looked at night.
And slave knows to surrender but knew nothing else.
Now slave knows a few more things having many teachers, even those who weren’t real served a purpose.
This slave knew nothing of BDSM till April 1, 2014. And then her world opened wide and need met itself as the unwanted child she was but now she was 56 and wanted.
There she was cracked open from being broken down with need drowning her until that was all she could hear. It was the sound of an infant screaming who is inconsolable because he only wants his mom and her tit. It was the sound of a grief so heavy she did not want to sleep but cradle what she never had in the loss of her mother whose grave she never saw.
What is a slave? What does a slave need?
This slave is like the children this slave teaches…who will do anything to please. This slave had to learn that a Master must earn his rights to anything at all beyond due respect, which can be lost.
A slave is many things but this slave now knows a slave needs a self; and a core that is strong so she can take care of her own needs. As one slave said, take care of the property. Then again, property properly cared for never feels disposable.
slave understands intention and process. This slave has been taken apart before as well and obviously this is because she lacks a core to keep her safe and invulnerable. Time and age are helping put the pieces back in that were given via the loss and learning and experience of being a slave. Nothing was accidental.
Total power exchange is dangerous.
This slave thrives on intensity and invites the edges she lives and takes risks many would not take because she knows ultimately she will always be okay and make it to the other side.
What does a slave need? A slave needs a Master. Maybe next will ask what a Master needs…
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Courtship in Master slave relationships from a slave’s perspective
Finding the one to serve can be quite a challenge. The stakes in M/s are high. This slave wants Total Power Exchange. As she enters into a dynamic with a Dom who identifies as a Master who seeks to own she begins to submit. As the dynamic deepens she submits more and more with time.
Limits identified. Needs stated. The conversation begins.
The conversation can become everything when the meeting is online. This slave has many contact her from all the country and she knows she needs much real time with anyone before even considering such a change so avoids long distance.
Some Masters make demands right away. This is simply wrong.
Some Masters offer forever right away. This is simply foolish.
Some Masters take submission. But then no one has truly surrendered.
This slave in acting as if she is property begins to open up her heart and mind to a potential prospect. She has learned though until met this is dangerous and foolish. She needs to prove her willingness and show her need and desire without giving too much too soon.
When a Master really wants someone she will know.
How a Master manages getting to know a slave varies but this slave finds the true don’t have to demand much for the slave wants to give and please.
Transparency matters to set up the dynamic of trust and openness. A Master cannot read the slave’s mind. A slave can err in saying too much too soon just as well as a Master can err in expecting more than a slave can give or manage before put into consideration.
A slave counts on the Master to understand more than the slave does in many ways.
Yet both must prove value and worth and earn trust and respect.
And the only way to truly know if a 24/7 life can be lived is by spending time together in the vanilla world as well as the kink.
If not 24/7 then the perimeters and needs of each in the dynamic must be discussed and respected at all times.
In the process care must be taken for the vulnerability in each is high and the needs are deep.
It takes real time and much patience.
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The wound goes beyond what bleeds
Though tears are thick as blood.
She seeks peace
While creating chaos.
Her heart feels over 100 years old
And a day young
All at once.
Her need drives action
To seek just one to complete
Not only who she is but
How she is.
She cries often.
She is more than most ever want.
Her ache won’t be satisfied
Without the touch of a whip.
She curls deep inside
And wants to hide
While she reaches out
To see what can hold
This woman she has become.
She is no longer strange.
She lives to please.
Pain soothes the place
That longs to feel what is real.
She begins to unfold.
There is nothing
But desire and need to hold. |
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Lines are crossed. She told the truth. Sometimes the word of a slave means nothing but if it offends another Master then changes and respect will be shown....even tho some of hers is lost in the process... |
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A night driving....windy roads, expectation...dark....raccoons and fox seen wandering this late night. We meet. Kisses soft lingering....large hands carress and ease my wetness so when he touches this girl is moist, desire dripping between her legs. The moments linger in the morning...he touched she touched....back arching, hips grinding...wanting moving her into him...until she wants to be nothing but what he can hold...pleasure holding her close to him. |
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This girl does not pretend to know a lot as she is still new in the scheme of things and learning much with each interaction. She has given too much too soon in the past. She has many friends teaching her that yes limits are good and boundaries necessary. She has found many who expect more than she can give. Some say it is a matter of manners...She can see that but also feels no one has the right to make demands in the process of sharing and getting to know one another. The one's who impress her the most are those who take their time and have no need to prove anything or attempt to take control before any surrender is given.She has options now. She believes M/s requires not only respect and connection but an energy that takes trust and time to cultivate. In her journey she knows better what she can give and when and to whom...play and kink are fun but without feeling and connection meaning is lost and sensation becomes the only point which this girl can find easily enough if that is all she wants. So this girl is learning more of what it means to be a slave to her...finding what it is that makes her shut the door or open it wider. She is wary of anyone who makes claims about a potential relationship without ever meeting this girl...until she has met someone and talked on the phone it is near impossible to know how the energy will be...though one can get a good idea of it in the process. For it all to work there must, it seems to her, be TPE. And that takes patience. |
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