In an email on another site:

What happened to your past relationship?

Um... which one exactly? There's my wife (still sharing my bed every night), my lover (found someone else and ghosted me), the furry ABDL (threatened by my wedding and I wasn't into the diapers, ended things and ghosted me). Or do you mean friends? Or play partners? There have been a few. 

The most concise answer would be which one, what kind of relationship, and when.

Patronizing and derogatory introductory emails do not actually activate my inner submissive or even my inner bottom. Pretty much they just irritate me and get you blocked.

My profile has photos of me across years, no decades more likely. I'm considering deleting all but photos from the past two years. Feedback is appreciated.

Gearing up for a busy week. If things go as planned there will be two nights of kink revelry and then a day at the renn faire.

Came across the full length leather skirt and on a whim I tried it on. To my joyful amazement, it fits again! There will be an occasion to wear it next weekend and I can't wait.

I get messages criticizing me for being picky. Are you upset that I am picky, or upset that I let you know from the beginning that we aren't compatible? I could take half of my requirements out of my profile but I would still HAVE those preferences or requirements. Would you rather know now, or after you took the time to contact me?

My journal is fixed?

Happy Holidays to all! May you find the partner(s) that help you feel satisfied and complete, may you find what you seek.

Started to feel lightheaded and had to end my scene early. My play partner was completely understanding and I can't wait to play with him again.

Is it kinder to block and delete, or to reply to a patently incompatible inquiry with "Can you read? Did you read?"

11.18.2023 My new journal entry option has disappeared. My only choice is to edit existing entries.

11.23.2023 Happy Thanksgiving. Remembering what I am thankful for.

12.15.2023 When you message someone, tell them why. Declaring what you might have in common is a start, but follow up with how you want to be friends or you are hoping to get to know me. Otherwise you're likely to get a good for you and a big fat block. You're reaching out to me, remember?

Not that anyone reads these journals but...

My first sentence on my profile states my requirements. Three or more sentences with punctuation and grammar.

There's no need for perfect spelling, immaculate punctuation, or the Oxford comma. I'm well aware of the filters collarspace uses on email and I know that is out of your control. But at least try. It's obvious if you didn't try. Periods aren't filtered out. Grammar speaks for itself.

So if you want a response, try. Because if it doesn't look like you tried? I will block you and delete your message.

If you write a lovely email about relocating to me? I will respond then block you and delete your message.

And if you send me a nasty note because of what is in my profile? Then block me? I will make sure you are blocked and then thank you out loud for saving me the effort.

Ms. Elorin 

Dear male doms,

Yes, I mean you, too. Pleasant as you may be, an email with less than three sentences is blocked then deleted. I'm not picking up what you're putting down. Short sentences with punctuation count. Thank you for the compliments. Here's your block.

Ms. Elorin 

I'm an open book! Ask me anything!

It seems on the surface to be a very friendly declaration. Maybe you think "Wow, anything!? How brave!" And perhaps they are being brave and truly would answer any question put to them. But my experience is different.

When someone says "ask me anything," their contribution to getting to know each other frequently stops there except for answering direct questions asked of them. There is frequently no sharing of "more" or stories of "Oh, when that happened to me..." Instead the only things I learn are the things I ask directly. Which shifts the emotional burden of getting to know each other from "US" to "ME." And later on, if I didnt know something, the blame shifts to me for not having the forethought to ask, rather than it being on them for not volunteering relevant information, or better yet shared blame for not getting to know each other better before XYZ.

My first marriage was to a man that I believe was and still is a compulsive liar. And one thing he did that was excruciating to me was NEVER volunteer information. It was a method of CYA (Cover Your Ass) so that if he had to cover something up, the less that was known the fewer things he had to cover or sweep under the rug. Trying to get information out of him was like pulling teeth.

So I admit, when I see "I'm an open book!" I have a knee jerk reaction, but it is not solely based on the experience with my ex-husband. I have dealt with more than a handful of people with that mantra both online and off over the years and for the most part, they have similar traits. No volunteering information, only answer if asked, no sharing about experiences spontaneously, and only share as much information as necessary to cover the question.

My advice (unsolicited, worth what you pay for it) if you use one of these phrases and you are sincerely trying to be open and brave, is this:

1.) Find another way to word it. Saying you are an open book triggers a knee jerk reaction in more people than just me.

2.) Take the time to realize what you would like to know about a potential partner in early getting to know each other stages

3.) Be prepared to offer the same information about yourself without waiting to be asked each specific piece of information before you share it.

What this may look like: Hi I'm Elorin. "Hi, I'm Jim. Can you tell me a little about yourself?" Well, you found me on FetLife so you know I'm kinky. I've been into kink for over 20 years, I consider myself a Dominant Sadistic leaning switch and I like canes.

You don't have to tell everything at one question. But you don't have to make them dig for pieces of information, either. I didn't volunteer information about my relationship status, the number of pets I have, or my sexual orientation. You can give that information as it comes up. But don't be of the mindset that you need to hoard your information anymore than that each question needs a two page info dump. Pace yourself, be open, and share equal and similar information to what someone shares with you.

My $0.02

~Me

To preface my response to your request that I consider you to relocate, I get a number of requests like this per week and yours will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Read the fucking profile.

I am not interested in re.loca.tion Stop. End of story. It's none of your business why, I have reasons and have no intention of sharing them with your entitled, demanding ass that did not read the fucking profile.

What's that? You did read the profile before writing me? Then what kind of entitled ass of a submissive would you make if you are going to disregard my established boundaries and preferences in your introduction letter? Think for just a tiny moment. Do you really want a domme that has such wishy washy limits that in the first email you can convince her to change them? Even if you answered yes, I'm not that domme.

So READ THE FUCKING PROFILE ALREADY 

I was told the problem with profiles like mine...

Well, I could take all of the reasons I delete and block off my profile. It doesn't mean I'll stop doing it. Just that you won't know what I'm doing and why anymore.

Somehow that doesn't seem like an improvement to me.

I recently made a fabulous email connection with someone. We met in person and even had a negotiation date, all the while exchanging intimate, connecting emails at least daily. We met for a play date and somehow didn't connect. It's weeks later and I have been essentially ghosted after one apologetic I don't know where we stand email.

It amazes me that someone who spent so much time emailing me and connecting with me thinks so little of me that she can't be honest and say this isn't going to work.

The only thing worse than being ghosted is being ghosted by someone who said I will never ghost you.

I like men's broad muscled shoulders. So all you people with photos of broad, muscled men's shoulders out there, thank you.

I have experienced a bumper crop of eloquent, coherent, grammar filled emails lately on collarspace. I'm sure it is an unusual experience and I will go back to getting (and blocking) 4 word and 5 word messages with no punctuation asking do you need a slave? But it has been a pleasant interval.

Recognizing an area in my life that needs improvement, making a plan, and improving over time helps me feel more in control of my own life and more able to take control of a potential submissive. Course corrections are a necessary part of the flight plan, but the fact that they reaffirm my chosen role is a pleasant bonus.

Added new strap on photo in duckie Hawaiian shirt. Just the tip. (Yes I know, the shirt needs ironed.)

I wonder why people get so bitter and then take it out on someone else who is not compatible and not responsible for their bitterness. Am I bitter? Yes, some but I don't go looking for incompatible profiles and take it out on random strangers. I bitch in my journal instead. LOL 

Why is it so hard to understand clearly stated boundaries and limits?

Gentlemen, and I use this term loosely. If your profile says you are a dominant male or master and you are writing me to dominate you, I'm frankly not interested. If you aren't willing to admit your role as switch, sub, bottom, or slave to the world, you aren't worth my time. Adjust your profile or don't waste my time. Block and delete is your fate.

June is gone and so my month long birthday celebration. I appreciate everyone who celebrated with me and the gifts I received and bought for myself. Not much by way of the playroom and toybag, but I did get a new black rolling table to hold toys clean and nearby when needed. My favorite gift to myself is the rubber duckie boyshorts - the fabric is super soft. I went back to buy more but the limited edition duckie print was gone so I had to pick other patterns. I look forward to shopping at this vendor more in the future.

Happy birthday to me and here's to another trip around the sun! I look forward to what the next year brings.

Ms. Elorin

From the big bad male dominant:

As of 6/24/2023 I will not just delete introductory emails with less than 3 sentences. I will block the sender first. My profile has been updated to reflect this change in policy.

So it crops it's head up again, and I feel the need to address it head on. 

My profile states that I am only interested in someone who is local.

Yet I continue to hear from "subs" in new england, tennessee, iowa, you name it.

Do they do me the courtesy of asking why I want someone local? No.

Do they ask me if someone who is free to move to San Antonio would be considered? Do they ask if it matters that they are independently wealthy or can work anywhere in the country? No and no.

Instead they assume that they know what is going on here, and they know what I want, and plow ahead with no consideration for my clearly stated boundary/interest level.

I will therefore state (again) clearly:

I am looking for someone who is local. I have no time or interest to engage in the kind of drawn out online vetting that I would require to allow someone to move to San Antonio because of me. It doesn't matter if you have money, employment, high employability, connections or a lack thereof where you are or in San Antonio. If you do not live in or near San Antonio or regularly (3 or more times a month) come to San Antonio ALREADY you are NOT LOCAL and I am NOT INTERESTED.

If you are curious about what it tells me when you are not local but you contact me anyway with the intention of becoming my submissive, look for my earlier journal writing addressing this very same topic.

If you want to serve me, do the fucking work to get to know me.

Celebrating my birthday all month long. Tonight I am indulging in fondue and the company of good friends.

Let's just say your guilt trip worked. It didn't, but let's say that it did. Would you really want to be with someone who said they weren't interested but hung around for the guilt trip? Do you think that is a solid start for a relationship? Are you that fucking self centered?

I miss the emerald green water and sugar white sand.

I miss Karkeke park and tidal pools.

I miss mountains everywhere you turn.

I'm not feeling very San Antonio tonight.

How to know if you should write to me.

If you are tempted to put the abbreviation HMU in an email to me. Save yourself the trouble. Don't write.

If your profile or email uses the abbreviation NSA. Don't bother.

If you self identify as an adult baby. I'm not interested.

If you self identify as a slave. We're probably not compatible.

If you self identify as a bull. Save yourself the time. Don't write.

If you actually read my profile and are interested in more than the pretty pictures. Please write.

If you have met me in the past, online or in person, and want to renew our acquaintance, please write.

If you read my journal and you know the passphrase, please write.

If your interest in me goes beyond your next fap session, please write.

If your profile or email includes the phrases female supremacy or TPE, keep on trucking.

If you feel the urge to tell me about wanting to worship my pussy. Go away.

If you use the term breeding to describe your interests in bareback sex, you'll want to save us both time and not write.

It is so frustrating to ask a question and have someone ignore it in favor of providing what they think is a better answer.

What date is the event?

Oh I don't approve RSVPs until you pay.

Ok, but what DATE is the event?

Here's the link to the event.

Great, but now I don't care to attend because you won't answer the question I asked!

Endrant

Me

3 sentences does not guarantee a response. There's lots you can say that will get your message deleted on sight, no matter how many sentences you use. Obvious form letters get deleted as soon as I see them for example.

When you contact me as a potential dominant expect me to set the pace. I will not have a voice or video call before I am ready and I most certainly will not meet you before I am ready. If your emails do not meet my standards for getting to know each other, I will wish you well.

I don't have an artificial timeline I can provide for how many days or emails exchanged before we will meet and the harder you push for an ETA, the less likely there will be one.

Ms. Elorin 

I got an email asking what I am into. Short of a BDSM checklist, here's a summary

I'm dominant and enjoy being in control, making decisions, being obeyed, developing trust, setting goals, agreeing on consequences, developing and enforcing rules.

I am a top and I enjoy bringing both pleasure and pain, applying restraint, sassy talk, working on goals, challenging my bottom, leaving marks, eliciting tears, causing yelps.

As a top and sadist, some play styles I enjoy include wax play, clips and clamps, nipple torture, CBT, impact (paddles, canes, wicked sticks, crops), fire play, violet wand, rope bondage, leather restraints, metal restraints including sometimes handcuffs, needle play, knife play, and erotic artistic cutting.

I don't expect every play partner to enjoy every form of play I do. A potential submissive of mine is expected to be open to trying new things but not expected to enjoy them all.

I wish I understood the urge to write to a stranger and make obscure pronouncements.

I am moving.

I tried it.

Even compliments like You have sexy feet or I love your hair.

I wonder if they get an effective response rate from others. They certainly don't get anything from me but the delete button. I don't think I can be any more clear. Read the fucking profile. Emails with less than 3 sentences are deleted as soon as they are opened.

Yes, even compliments.

Even cryptic declarations.

Especially cryptic declarations.

Occasionally I am tempted to reply to a nice message with a thank you or ask a cryptic declarater (declarator? one who declares cryptically) WTF. But then I remember that EVERY SINGLE TIME I have made an exception, I have regretted it or felt it was a terrific waste of my time and effort or both.

I guess I will never know where random guy is moving or what other random guy tried. Maybe I'm better off not knowing.

~E

I gave my foot care/pedicure/foot worship presentation for the second time today and I am much happier with how it went this time. It felt odd doing it in public but the bakery was ok with it so we went with it. Super thankful that my mentee Ms_Esmee volunteered to let me give her a pedicure. Excited about how it went and looking forward to any opportunities to do it again.

I always wonder when someone messages me and deletes their profile before I get a chance to answer.

My profile makes clear that I am looking for someone who is local.

If you are not local, if you don't already travel to and stay in San Antonio regularly and you write to me wanting to be my submissive, that tells me something about you and our potential dynamic.

It tells me that you don't believe the rules apply to you for some reason. How would this inspire me to enter a dynamic with you where I make the rules, never knowing which you will respect and which you will disregard on a whim?

It tells me that you won't respect my boundaries. How can we build trust if I know that my personal preferences and limits are meaningless to you?

It tells me that you lead with your dick. And honestly, I don't care how turned on the idea of submitting to me makes you. If I can't trust you to respect my boundaries and follow my rules I sure as hell am not going to engage with you sexually.

On enthusiasm:

I am demisexual, demiromantic, sapiosexual. I enjoy getting to know potential partners, exploring their minds and learning how they think.

If I'm not interested, I assure you that is what my reply email would say, if I send a reply. (I delete all emails with fewer than three sentences, regardless of the content.) If I take the time to go point by point through your email and bring things up, I'm open to possibility. I am not going to erupt in gushing enthusiasm because you wrote to me, no matter how pretty your language is or how long your profile is or is not. Enthusiasm develops over time, as connections build and I have a chance to see your cranium at work.

If I replied, and I was not dismissive by saying I'm not interested, there's a chance. If you give up because you need enthusiastic reactions from the start, all I can say is thank you for saving me the trouble. We are not compatible.

Ignoring a clearly stated boundary in my profile is not the way to get me to make an exception for you. I'm not making any exceptions, but if you had acknowledged the boundary and your reasoning behind thinking you were special enough to get an exception, I would not have blocked you.

Variations on a theme:

If you want to be friends, be friendly. If you want to be friends but find the need to tell me you are willing to relocate, I will doubt your underlying motivation.

I do not live in a home with room for additional people to live. I am married to a non-US citizen and cannot sponsor anyone from out of country. I do not want to sell my home for a larger one.

I am looking for someone local for a reason. I know what I want. Don't insert yourself into this size 7 glass slipper with your size 12 situation and expect me to coo over you walking all over my clearly expressed limits and boundaries.

Attended an interesting class on spanking today. The venue was over booked so it was a bit crowded. It was the presenters first time, so I think he will improve with practice. The venue had some interesting decor and I really wish I had heard where they found their masks. I'm not sure if the venue will succeed but they have a sincere desire to appeal to the kink crowd.

If you do not live in the US, you are not local.

If you do not live in Texas, you are not local.

If it takes you more than 4 hours of driving in normal traffic to get to my door, you are not local.

Much as I love exchanging emails and getting to know you, if you are not local you are not a potential service oriented submissive.

I will not play games of what it would be like if you were here. I will not provide fap fodder. I am not looking to spin an elaborate fantasy of what might have been, if only.

I am looking for a local service oriented submissive and play partner.

Respect that.

E

I'm looking for additional places to present my foot care presentation given at PolyBigFun this month. If you are in San Antonio or within a 2 hour drive and interested in having this presentation, please send me a message. I have a handout, a prsesenters outline that can be shared as a resource after the class, and one lucky attendee gets a free pedicure (I am not a licensed aesthetician, this is an amateur but luxurious pedicure).

Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny may have changed my life. I know I will read it over and over again. Ladies, gentlemen, anyone who reads this, I recommend this book.

Made updates to the profile. Waiting for approval to be able to answer mail again.

It's frustrating to me to meet someone who "courts" me as a top and domme but doesn't make clear that they are polyam or playing with other tops/dominants. Worse is when they ghost me later, apparently because they have moved into more serious relationship status with one of the other tops/dominants. I don't mind the relationship status change, I don't even mind if it means we can't talk anymore. I do mind the lack of courtesy of one last message explaining that I won't be hearing from them anymore. However, as transitive as BDSM relationships are, I do know that when this one ends, I won't be picking up the pieces.  You made very clear how UNimportant I am in the grand scheme of things. Don't think I will forget.

When you initiate a let's get together conversation, you have some choices when you decide it's not going to work out. Why is ghosting the #1 choice as opposed to saying thanks for your time but no?

When you ask someone for resources and they provide them, free and above board, no strings attached, have the manners to say thank you!

3 sentences or I delete your email.

Read the fucking profile.

If you send me a banal "good morning" with nothing to respond to or talk about I will delete your email and possibly block you.

Simple as that. I'm not here to exchange empty pleasantries and waste my time. If I replied to your email that just says "good morning gorgeous" I would be giving you the wrong impression and wasting your time too.

Yes, I'm bitchy. I'm demanding. I expect effort to be put forth in getting to know me before I switch to IMing or video chat because so much IMing seems to be spent saying hi, how are you, how was your day and so little of it is spent actually learning about each others' personalities, kink interests, and compatibility. I prefer to weed out the incompatible rather than waste time meeting and learning we are incompatible after attempting to negotiate a scene in person. Am I demanding? Yes, because I have high expectations and because I'm looking for something that lasts, not just a quick fap that ghosts after the first photo, IM conversation, video chat, or meeting in person.

Why do the promising ones disappear and delete their profiles?

This is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek, somewhat serious exploration of how to get to know someone via collarspace.com. Or, I guess to put it honestly, how to get to know me.

Step 1. Read the fucking profile.

My profile is not short, but it’s not War and Peace. It has important content in it that will help you know whether we are compatible or not and save your time AND mine. When you see a photo of someone you are attracted to, a compliment is a lovely thing. But if you honestly want to start a relationship or dynamic of some sort with them, read their profile before writing. It’s a form of respect, both self-respect (keep yourself from writing to people who are wildly incompatible with you) and respect for the other.

Step 2. Don’t call me Mistress.

I don’t like unearned titles, and if you MUST address me by a title, Ms. is enough. Don’t call me Miss, don’t call me Goddess, don’t use one of a hundred other unearned titles. If the time comes when addressing me by a title is appropriate to our relationship, you will know and we will discuss the appropriate title at that time. Until then, you may call me Elorin or Ms. Elorin.

Step 3. Three sentence minimum.

This is my 95% rule for responding to a letter on collarspace. A rare exception comes in where I respond to an initial email with fewer than three sentences, but for the most part, that’s the rule. If you feel like writing three sentences is too much to ask from someone with no relationship with you so far, that’s fine. You can choose not to write or you can write less and I’ll just delete your message when I read it. And if you send a long, run-on sentence with no punctuation and capitalization, I’ll treat it as one sentence and delete, even if it should have been three sentences. This is a personal value of mine, and it’s important to me that my partners are literate and able to write and express themselves. I realize that some people don’t do well with writing, or expressing themselves online, and I have made an exception in the past to meet people in person and give them a chance to express themselves in person, but that is rare and again, 95% of the time, if you can’t write and sustain emails with me for a short amount of time, you won’t be compatible with me in person.

Step 4. Don’t immediately ask to go to another media.

I’m on Collarspace, you’re on Collarspace, write to me on Collarspace. If things go well, there will be time to provide my FetLife ID, or my Telegram ID. For the record, I don’t have an Instagram, Kik, or Twitter account, I don’t use Skype anymore, and I have no idea how to use TikTok to chat. If you want to talk on instant messenger, I use Telegram. And I won’t move to an instant messenger program until I’ve talked with you long enough to feel like it’s worth my time.

Step 5. Volunteer information.

Look at my profile. Look at your profile. If your profile is essentially empty, or is turned off, and basically provides zero information for me to learn about you before replying to your first message, provide some information about yourself when you write. Please note: a first email should be one or two moderately long paragraphs. If you write me a book in your first email, I may or may not read it but I won’t respond to it until I have time to dedicate to it, whereas a shorter email may get a response sooner. However, still, three sentence minimum. A good first message starts with a little bit about yourself, what you liked about my profile, and what you’re looking for – getting to know me, playing with me, becoming my full time submissive, something else entirely.

Step 6. Ask questions.

While my profile is long, there is plenty of information I did not provide. Ask me a question about something you’d like to know more about me. However, if you read the first two paragraphs of my profile and ask me something that you would know if you’d read the whole thing, I’ll probably delete your email. Fair warning.

Step 7. Share your answer

Either when you are initially asking the question or after I have replied with my answer, share your answer to the questions you ask! This prevents me from having to say “I like XYZ, what do you like?” and makes the getting to know you process go much faster.

Step 8. Volunteer more information

Whether answering a question of my own, or as in step 7, providing your answer to a question you asked me, volunteer information. There ARE yes or no questions, but there are very few questions where you can’t provide at least a little context with your answer. When you reply to questions with one word answers, you force me to try to ask follow up questions to figure out what the context is. This translates in my mind to how you would be during negotiations in BDSM. I spent years in my first marriage “pulling teeth” from a compulsive liar and control freak, trying to find out what the actual situation was and learn what was going on in our life. I refuse to do it again, and if I find myself having to “pull teeth” to get information from you because you are giving one word answers, I’ll just write you off and move on to someone who is more interested in actively getting to know me.

Step 9. Do NOT send me unsolicited fantasies.

It’s one thing (and an ok thing) to say, “I’ve always wanted to have a crop scene.” It’s another thing to write 5 long paragraphs about your ideal crop scene when I haven’t indicated any kind of interest or desire in knowing. Unsolicited fantasies are an automatic block.

Step 10. Do NOT ask me “If I were there what would you do to me/what would we do/what would it be like” questions.

I’ll shut you down and refuse to answer, and possibly block you. These are basically a request for free fap fodder and I’m not in the business of providing it, even if the honest answer would most likely not be enough to masturbate to. NOTE: If we’ve been writing for a while and you are planning to visit me/meet me and you ask me what to expect, that’s different and won’t get you blocked.

I don’t expect anyone to read this entire thing, but if you do, mention the instant messenger program I use with the word snowflake and you’ll get bonus points in our exchanges.

Ms. Elorin

Put a 50 percent payment on four corsets to fit the smaller size. Can't wait until next payday to pay the rest and get my four corsets in the mail!

I was asked to mentor a friend. I felt honored and delighted. I have been asked to teach technique before, but have never been asked to mentor someone. We had a fairly vague subject matter, but we set a weekly meeting time (with alternating location so as to split the driving burden) and met and discussed various topics over the course of a few months. We only missed two weeks - one due to my family emergency that erupted shortly after she arrived at the house, the other due to a scheduling conflict.

Next week is probably our last session and I am dismayed at the prospect of our regular meetings coming to an end. She is a smart, dynamic, powerful dominant and now an even more empowered wicked top. I can't wait to see what she does with all the knowledge I have conveyed. She is every bit my equal, albeit less experienced in these techniques, and I am hoping we'll do some collaborations in the future. I'm proud to know her and even prouder to claim her as my mentee. I don't like the terms student, pupil, or apprentice as none of these are accurate to our relationship.

As this chapter closes, my first experience as someone's mentor has been a very positive one. I hope any future dynamics are as rewarding.

~Ms. Elorin

Why would I want to go to the chat rooms to chat with a male Dom? Particularly one who doesn't use punctuation or grammar?

Seriously, read the profile. I'm not looking for a relationship that has to be sustained online. I have no interest in directing webcam shows. If your note has fewer than 3 sentences I will probably delete it.

I took time to craft a detailed profile. Share similar information with me when you write. If you really want to impress me, take some time and put effort into writing an introduction before you hit send.

Have something I can call you. it doesn't have to be your legal name. Elorin is not my legal name. I'm not calling you by your collarspace handle if it is not a name. If you can't come up with a name, you don't have enough initiative to play with me.

If your introduction includes addressing me as Mistress, the word humiliation or related terms, or phrases like oral worship or facesitting, we are not compatible.

Back at collarspace after years away. I updated my profile but haven't looked at the interests list yet. So much has changed in my outlook and what I am seeking.

Expectations

Everyone has expectations of others, some more realistic than others. You can let me know if my expectations are unreasonable.

1)If you contact me, I expect you to do the majority of the "getting to know" process. I.E. you ask questions, you e-mail more questions when you answer my questions, etc. If you are passive, you'll end up being forgotten.

2) If you are submissive or trying to get into my pants, I expect to be "courted", especially if you contacted me first. (If you are submissive and I contact you, I still wish to see an expression of interest in me or a clear statement of no interest, but you don't have to "court" me.)

3)I expect intelligence, including but not limited to use of fully spelled out words, punctuation, reasonable use of grammar, etc. I hope for a sense of humor but don't expect one.

4)  I expect humanity. I don't wish to know only about BDSM and your fetishes. If you can't share about your real life outside of kink, don't bother me.

5) I expect you to read my profile if you are contacting me first. If it's too long to read all at once, fine, take it in a few sittings. Take the time to find out if I'm what you want or not before bothering me. If your first few e-mails are about things that would be answered if you'd read my profile, I won't continue e-mailng you.

6) I expect continuing communication. Which means if you get my Yahoo IM address and then stop e-mailing, I won't be interested. 

That's enough, for now.

~E

I just received an e-mail.

"You're gorgeous! Do you have a yahoo so we can chat?"

 Let me help EVERYONE before you write me something similar.

 1) Yes, I have yahoo. I even use Yahoo messenger to chat.

 2) No, you can't have my messenger ID until you've e-mailed me a few times.

 3) If you can't read my profile and send a long enough e-mail, I don't want to talk to you.

 4) I'm not interested in talking to anyone whose SOLE interest in me is my looks.

~Ms. Elorin

Hrmmm...how to word this.

Any bisexual males willing to get to know me, and be the "first" for a budding young cocksucker? Said cocksucker would be BRAND NEW to having cock in his mouth, would want me to watch and "direct" the action, and would NOT swallow your cum. In fact, safer sex practices would be in effect the entire time.

If you want to volunteer please sent me mail.

~E

The summer is over and once again I am free to explore and play at my own discretion.

I attended a few parties over the summer, and the GWNN Bash, but nothing screams out to be documented.

My fingers crave a body beneath them, exploring and hurting as I choose, and my ears crave the sound of gasping, whimpering, crying out from my pain.

My kitchen, on the other hand, craves someone to clean it and prepare a meal in it.

~E

NO relocation. NO NO NO. HARD LIMIT!! Don't call me Mistress or Goddess. I'm NOT a female supremacist.

I've decided to start putting that at the beginning of every journal entry. I'll take it off when I write a new entry. I want it always to be at the top.

Having said that, my AWOL rubber duckie has been located. My purple travel Rub My Duckie had disappeared when I moved into the new apartment, and I thought he took a death plunge into the bathroom trash can and was unknowingly taken out. Turns out he was just taking a vacation in another box of stuff. I located him yesterday.

YAY!

Now I just need all the new colors and the mini bondage duckie.
~E

Steps to becoming Mine:

1. A sincere e-mail that shows you have read my profile and hopefully my journal entries here at collarme.com, that indicates your level of experience, your expectations, and your understanding of my limits and what I am offering.  (i.e. you either live in San Antonio, or are asking for a professional relationship, you aren't asking to lick my pussy, and you have demonstrated yourself to be intelligent and not desperate, competent and not pathetic)

2. A few conversations on Yahoo messenger. Not just hi, how are you, I'm fine, got to go, bye. Actual conversations that may discuss BDSM but will also cover sharing about your life and learning about mine.

3. A meeting. I will bring a friend. Mild conversation, maybe some drinks. Just hanging out and meeting. No gift is necessary, nor is obvious flattery. That doesn't mean it isn't welcome. ~teasing winks~ Extravagant gifts or flattery (something that costs over $50 bucks, professions of a desire to worship someone you don't know, etc) will lose you points. Interest in my life and an ability to share about yours will gain you points. Feel free to have a beer. Having 3 or 4 in an one hour meet up isn't a smart idea. If my friend gets the heebie jeebies, we will repeat step 3 until the heebie jeebies go away, or until I give up. The friend is there to provide a second opinion so I don't rush into things or use bad judgement.

4. A second meeting. It will be along the lines of an interview. I will bring my roommate. Even if I'm 100% interested, he has veto power. He lives in my home too and I will not bring someone to my home that he does not approve. We will discuss possible scheduling, expectations of service, maybe some likes and dislikes about play.

5. A trial service session. In my home. My roommate will be there. Probably an hour or two. Simple tasks. Wash a few dishes. Vacuum. Fold a few clothes. I would be looking to see how well you respond to direction, if you can remember a number of tasks given at once, how you behave in my home and in response to me and my roommate, and how you accomplish the tasks given.

6. A trial period. 3-5 sessions of service, an hour or two each session. Over the course of 2-3 weeks.  I would be looking to see how well you remember what you have been told in the past - for instance, if I teach you how to fold my towels, how well you recall how to fold them the next time - how well you get along with me and my quirks, and whether you have expectations that you try to impose on our relationship despite my expressed preferences, etc. (For instance, if I tell you not to kneel every time I come into a room, and you do it anyway, I will not be considering you for as much.)

7. If you make it this far, you will be considered to be in service to me. You will be serving me.  I will consider you to be someone who looks to me, who is in training. Over the course of the next few months, I will expect you to be learning things. I shouldn't have to tell you, after you've done it 3 or 4 times, where the glasses get put away, how to fold my towels, or how to use the dryer. I shouldn't have to tell you to bring the trash can up if it's at the curb, after the first time. This will be a time of training and learning. You will learn how I like to be addressed, service that I enjoy and things I dislike, and tasks that can be completed without direction if I am occupied when you finish a certain task. During this period you will wear a collar while in my home, taken from a box of many collars that I keep with my toys and equipment.

8. If you get through a training period (anywhere from 2 - 6 months, depending on how often you serve, how quickly you learn, and how impressed I am with your skills) then you will be claimed. At this point, you will be Mine. You will be considered to be my submissive. We will choose a collar, together, for you to wear when you are in service. You will not be "collared" - that is something I consider to be a long term, full time comittment. However, you will be my submissive, and belong to me, and be able to choose a special title which you use to address me. You will be allowed to tell people that I am your Domme, Domina, or Mistress, as you choose, and indicate on any profiles that you are mine.

To SirHunter, Dom who said he was "at my disposal" and wanted to submit to me, and when I said "You are a Dom. I'm not interested. " wrote back and said "Everyone in the San Antonio scene knows I'm a switch, ask anyone, in particular X and Y."

My e-mail response was honest. I asked honest questions. You didn't answer. Well here they are.
A) If you are a switch, why do you list as a Dom?
B) If you are a switch, why can't I read your profile to find out about it, why do I have to go find someone else to ask?
C) Why would I want to go hunt references on someone whose profile basically means I am not interested?
D) I'm sure I can think of at least 20 people in the SA scene who have NO clue who you are
E) Houston is not convenient for a submissive, and I don't want just play partners anymore. I doubt you offer anything that would actually fill what I need.

And your response? Oh it was wonderful. It really motivated me to want to play with you, and inspired me that you truly were at my disposal and didn't just want to fuck me or have me beat you because I am attractive. (Oh, and blocking me? Even more non-submissive, more like passive aggressive.)
A) I made a huge error in writing to you as You obviously haven't a clue about the "scene" or the lifestyle
B), C), D), E) see A)

Well I get to write a response regardless (funny that) and I did. And I'm including it here, because I think it has some very valid points. Now if only Doms who write to me and say they want to submit would read it first, it might do some good.

No, you made a huge error in writing to me because you have a profile as a Dom and want to submit or bottom, and you thought somehow that I would be impressed by a Dom writing to me or something. I believe in honesty, that means to the submissives who might write to you, to admit to them that you switch, and to the Dommes you contact to do the same.

I have a great clue about the scene and the lifestyle. I know X and Y, and relatively well. I've been in and around this for a number of years, and I know what I like. I want someone who is upfront, whose profile indicates who they are directly, so that I can learn about them. I cannot learn about you, because you say you want to submit or bottom and your profile says nothing other than the fact that you want to dominate.

I simply have no desire to have a "Dom" submit to me. If you want to keep dominance and submission separate, two profiles would be good. Or a profile like I have at b.com that lists as a Domme but states within that I'm a switch, and why I list that way. Or ideally, a switch profile.

Or even an inclusion in the initial e-mail that says "I'm listed as a Dom because I'm not wanting Dom/mes to write to me, but I'm actually a switch."

Writing to a complete stranger to say I'm at your disposal is specious, and untrue. You don't know me, you have no idea in regards to my integrity, and you don't know if we are compatible. Writing, perhaps, to say "I'm listed as a Dom but interested in switching, you interest me, could we see if we are compatible?" would have gotten you much further than saying you are at my disposal. You aren't.

Perhaps the person with no clue, is you. And maybe it's not about the lifestyle, but just about me. I'm not calling you names, or impugning your experience, as you seem to find it necessary to do to me because I don't want to check references on a stranger who doesn't interest me, whose profile tells me nothing about what he apparently wants with me (submission/bottoming).

Now, honest answers to those questions might have gotten you further. The answer you gave simply means there is nothing further to go on.

Now obviously I found after I wrote this that he tossed out his analysis of my experience and knowledge of the lifestyle (apparently expecting openness and honesty and wanting to know why someone lists as a Dom when he writes to FemDoms and offers himself to them means I have no knowledge) and then blocked me like a petulant child. Regardless, my response to him is recorded. Good luck on your Domme search, Hunter.