Attraction based on the chemistry between a submissive and a dominant is on a whole different wavelength from gender preference.  Often fully heterosexual submissives are attracted to a gay dominant (and vice versa) and they know it.  With the loosening of society, this now works out better than 20 years ago.

I didn't just set out here to draw a random guy off the streets.  I look for a submissive who is in touch with his inner submissive and is aware that he needs a dominant to become fulfilled.  The gender of the dominant is less important because the submissive is not looking to be a sex partner, he is looking to be securely owned and his willingness to ignore his gender preference is due to the fact that he is in a power exchange and looking to serve, not looking to love.   

In most relationships, the two partners keep their deepest, darkest fantasies secret from each other out of fear...  many fears...   in the BDSM relationship, the Top does not worry about fear of ridicule or rejection...  and the result is that the BDSM relationship is much better equipped to handle the individuals actual needs and desires.

    Training you is not just breaking you into your role, it's also about teaching you where to put your tongue, how to make me very satisfied.  If there is anything a slave can have confidence in, it's his ability to make his Master happy.

I am frequently asked about visits...  you want to try it out, see if it feels right.   It's kind of like your first ride on a roller coaster.  There are times you might try to get out if it was practical, which it isn't.  You're scared, you're hanging on, and then all of a sudden, it's over and you don't want to get off...   It's imperative that you not view this as something you can walk into and walk out of at will.  It's exactly like a roller coaster, you get on, they lock you in, and you're committed.  You can't experience it by looking at it, or trying on one of the cars while it's at the boarding point...   you can only experience a roller coaster by riding it.

The slave struggles -- both physically and mentally -- but time is not on his side.  The chains and padlocks hold him, he may bargain and blubber and cry but that's just one of the phases he's going to go through.   At the end, you have a slave who worships you and hungers for your attention with his entire being.

A lot of slaves come into this with preconceived notions of what would make a Master happy.  The problem is that all Masters are different.  Having your nipples pierced, for example, is something that many slaves do to because they think that's something that a potential owner would like.  Personally, I think nipple rings get in the way, and I know other Masters/Mistresses feel the same way.  And many like them.  Let your Owner tell you what is pleasing to them.  Don't assume.

I think some people are born submissive and some born dominant.  That means there are lots of dominant people out there, but a Master is someone that a Dominant becomes with work, study and practice, a Dominant is born but a Master is the result of learning and practice.

I want to talk about agendas, and this is again, the difference beween submissives and slaves.  If a person comes to me and says that they want to do this or that, and tells me how they want to be dressed and what kind of chains that I have to use, then they are retaining control of the situation.  A submissive is usually the person in control of a session when they are pursuing their fetishes.   A slave may mention the things that turn him/her on, but they leave the actual decision to DO those things to the Master.  If I'm getting what I want from a slave, and what turns them on also turns me on (usually does) then I might work it into our play, and probably will.  When I am planning play time with a newcomer, they are submissives.  They are going home when the scene is over, they are scared shitless, I will let them plan out the scene and then follow the script faithfully.  I will try not to give them any surprises.  Just because a person is sadistic does not mean that (s)he is not ethical.

What brought you here? Well, if you're submissive, and you're living in the regular working world, you've probably noticed that you're not comfortable. You are a submissive person living in a world where you are expected to be assertive, especially men. This causes a conflict between your submissive inner core and your real world positioning.

If you find a legitimate Master (not a real strong possibility here), (s)he will put you through a process where we psychologically break you down and then rebuild you, but rebuild you thinking as a slave instead of a “person of freedom”.

You don't just put a collar around someone's neck and expect the collar to change him/her. People are going to the slave registry and submitting themselves to be numbered as a slave every day because they know what they are supposed to be, and not because they think it's a good idea. It must be terribly conflicting to be living as a “person of freedom” and have a strongly submissive core.

Just getting a Master won't do it. The master has to be knowledgeable enough of the dynamics involved to develop a plan to change the way you are thinking to one where your submissive inner core has control of your decision-making process. You are not going to be able to resolve this conflict by yourself because you were socialized the wrong way by your parents, teachers and peers. That's a heavy imprint. This is called “training” and I've met many submissive people who both recognize that they have a strong need for it, and also are scared shitless of actually doing it.

You got an itch to scratch, you need assistance...

You ever look at a brain? You have any idea how that blob of pink goo makes us “special”? Wouldn't there be bound to be differences in every brain? Like, I'd imagine that the spot which deals with gender preference is probably pretty complex, and it's normal that it works differently in everyone. And also I really believe some people are more dominant (or submissive) than others and, that difference established, that some would be extremely more dominant (or submissive) than others.

I've seen something that just struck me dumb...  instead of getting a fancy collar, just get a length of chain and a padlock and use that for a collar.  It looks hot on the slave, it's got links you can attach things to, it's practically unbreakable, it looks hot on the slave, it's heavy and feels substantial, and ... it looks hot on the slave.  You can even paint it.  

A slave is a person without an expectation of freedom.

There are many ways to cause pain -- most people think about grabbing the balls or, in S&M terms, flogging, nipple torture, CBT... but a good, talented, creative sadist can find many, many ways, both violent and very subtle.   

Becoming a slave is a lot more than just being forced to do things, TPE requires that you learn to think in new ways, as your owner's property, not as yourself at all...   This is the "training" phase of slavery, where your owner strips you of such concepts as privacy and shame and prerogative.  On the way to becoming a pleasing, docile, useful slave, you'd expect to find some psychological distress, which you will.  On some days, you won't want to be a slave at all, but at the end of the process, you will know you are finally who you needed to become.  To keep you from walking away on days you don't want to be a slave, I use chains and a cage and sometimes even a hood...   I use many other methods to strip you of your non-slave concepts, both psychological and physical.

I am aware that someone copied a lot of my thoughts in his profile.   I've heard that before, and I did read it, and he did copy my stuff, but I'm not pissed, because imitation is the most honest form of flattery.  I've been a writer for over 40 years, and I've been copied, quoted, paraphrased...    at least he didn't take me out of context, I really hate that.  

    Also I'm aware that most people can't write on my level, and that's a good thing because if they could, I couldn't make any money at it. 

    Anything in this website can be copied because it isn't copyrighted and so it really isn't stealing, it's research.  Kinda.

 How do I handle it?   I really thought that through and decided it has to do with a fully consenting partner...  The partner has to know what he/she is getting into; The partner has to be in a position to consent (old enough, sober enough), and The partner has to give me consent to proceed.   You must know what you're getting into, and you must be in a position to consent, AND you must give me consent to proceed.   In order for me to be a BDSM Master, it is essential that I am in an entirely ethical position.  After that, it's my game. 

I've often been told by slaves that I am reading their minds. Well, we are two sides of a coin. THE SAME COIN. Why should I not know what you are thinking?  I am not your opposite, I am your obverse.

while the Master/Slave dynamic might very loosely be called a "relationship", in fact the slave is not a lover, partner, or even a friend of the Master. The slave's treatment and activities are seldom discussed with the slave, he is merely given the requirements at the moment that their execution is required. A good Master does not give a slave complicated orders. He is good at giving instructions which are easily understood and grasped.

the difference between a submissive and a slave is the difference between involvement and commitment. 

Slaves ... have a problem with vascillation at first. You're probably having a vascillation issue right now just reading this -- approach/avoid, the psychology nerds call it... And once you are collared, obviously, you have resistance to change, which is normal, seller remorse, and you also have a need to rebel against authority.  

Eventually, well, if you didn't have a strong need for the TPE, you wouldn't be here in the first place. The vascillation episodes get weaker, you just plain have to live through the approach/avoid bullshit, that comes with TRUST of your Master. The rebelliousness nature gradually changes into submission.

I am your Master, I have a way to get you through that, it's called SECURITY. I use real padlocks, steel chains... you get the idea, you do not just walk away from this, I already KNOW you will be changing your mind, probably five or six times a day in the first week... it's inconvenient, it itches, you forgot to water the geraniums back in Boise... The need is strongest immediately following an orgasm, that's when I make the security the strongest.

It's a lot of trouble for me? Sure, you're worth it, my need to be on my side of the TPE is as strong as your need to be on the other.

In a vanilla relationship, most people are so afraid to talk about their fantasies and what they like and what makes them most satisfied that they never get satisfied.  With a slave, you don't have to measure your words, just tell him where to put what and exactly how you want it and you get satisfaction every time.  For the slave's part, he knows that the only thing he needs to do to make his Master satisfied is simply follow instructions.  If the Master is unsatisfied, probably he either doesn't know what he wants or he's not giving good instructions.  There is no partner who has a greater probability of satisfying his partner than a slave.