Repeat after me:

I: Pronunciation: \ˈī, ə\

Will: Pronunciation: \wəl, (ə)l, əl, ˈwil\

Not: Pronunciation: \ˈnät\

Have: Pronunciation: \ˈhav, (h)əv, v

Sex: Pronunciation: \ˈseks\

With: Pronunciation: \ˈwith, ˈwith, wəth, wəth\

You: Pronunciation: \ˈyü, yə also yē\

Because it had to be said AGAIN.

I've been pondering posting this for quite a while. The following are just a few things I have heard over the years about my choice in life and the most common replies I have used. I'm sure some of you can identify.

1) You are all sick, twisted, demented, disturbed etc... Thanks for the compliment. Now really, get your head out of your arse. I am more in-tuned with who I am rather than being a repressed, dried up prude. I can at least be honest about my desires.

2) How can you have a loving, meaningful relationship if someone is at your feet or you're hurting them? Some of us do what we do BECAUSE we love our partner. Believe it or not, whipping someone can be part of a loving relationship. So can them being at your feet. They love and respect you enough to go against what "normal" society says is right.

3) The Marquis De Sade was nothing more than an abuser, so are "you people". Maybe De Sade went over board with his desires. Will we ever really know the truth behind the man? As for myself, I'm far from being abusive. What I do demands self-awareness at all times. What I do happens in a controlled environment, and is 100% consensual. Ask an actual abuse victim if they consented!

4) You people have no concern for diseases. Wow! You really have your head up your arse on that one. First off, most of us are more aware of disease because some things we do can easily transfer body fluids. I play with needles, great way to transfer all types of nasty things. I take precautions to insure my partner and myself are protected.

5) You people are a bunch of sexual predators. Another compliment!! Ok seriously. It is all in the line of CONSENT. Our partners consent to us using them the way we do. I do not prey on the weak. I prefer my prey to have a backbone. It makes it all the more fun. Grins

6) What makes you think you can control people? it's not about controlling people, it's about controlling a selected person or few. We are who we are. Either we want to control or want to be controlled. You can't have one without the other.

7) You must have an ego the size of Texas. Not really. I'm comfortable in my skin. I know who I am, I came to terms with it long ago. When a person respects you for who you are, the rest falls into place. There isn't a need for ego. Honestly, there are some who are ego-maniacs. Those are the ones that are a danger to themselves and to others.

8) It can't be safe to tie people up It can be very safe. If you know what you are doing. You make sure your partner is not going to be in distress.

9) But you hurt people I hurt them yes, but not harm them. there is a distinction. A masochist process pain differently. The endorphins kick in and it's an enjoyable place for them. Where as you take someone like me and pain pisses me off. I'm the worst masochist ever. Some of us do know how to take a person to that place without causing harm.

10) Are you mental? Not at all. I have learned who I am and how to express myself. I'm probably more mentally balanced than you.

11) Were you abused as a child? Is that why you do this? I had a rough childhood, I'll admit it, but I do this because it's me. It's where I am comfortable, I can be myself. In the vanilla world I feel like a fish out of water. In my world I'm free.

12) Have you "outed" yourself? I don't lie about what I do. At work I have a picture of my beloved pet shadow and I. He is wearing his collar and on his knees in front of me. If someone asks about it, I tell them the truth, but in a limited quantity.

13) Do you really wear all leather? No I don't. Honestly leather is way too hot and heavy for me. A leather corset is nice, but a full leather outfit, not so much.

15) How did you learn? I had a mentor. And after I moved on I met others like me. I learned by watching, asking questions, reading, etc. Same way most people learn.

So judging from some of the emails I get I need to clarify my profile. Obviously plain English is hard for some to fathom. Perhaps it makes their head hurt if the word consists of more than two letters. I also have a few general rants to throw in.

Here is the even plainer English version:

No I will not have molten lava hot, glasses fogging, wild monkey sex with you. I have my pet shadow who treats me like the Goddess I am. Why the hell would I want someone inferior to him?

Just because we live in the same city does not mean you can ask me for a ride to Denver to meet someone else. That says a lot about the type of person you are.

No I do not play online. I want real time only.

Along those same lines, I don’t do long distance. You need to live local and be able to get to the club when I want you there.

No I will not have sex with you.

No I do not sit around the house/at my computer in fetish wear. Corsets are not that comfortable. So use your brain before emailing me with that wonderful line of “what are you wearing” It’s summertime here, I can guarantee you I’m probably in shorts and a tank top. However, I do usually have a whip of some sort close at hand. *Smirks*

I believe my list of fetishes is pretty complete. Do not ask me if I would do “insert fetish here” to you. IF we get to the point where we meet, in the club only, IF we get to the point where we are negotiating and discussing limits, what I do to you is MY choice. Remember: Top Points to myself …. bottom points to you Learn it, live it, learn to love it or move on.

No I will NOT have sex with you. ( It needed to be said again)

Remember, I’m 38. If you’re 20-something I’ve got at least 10 years on you. Don’t act like an arrogant twit. I have ways of making twits cry.

Show some damn courtesy. Do not ruin my scenes by bouncing up and down the stairs of the club like Tigger on meth. And while you’re at it, you know that key ring with 20 keys on it? The one that jingles as you walk? Put it in your play bag, purse, in the office, etc but keep it OUT of the dungeons.

Hell yes it is all about me, deal with it.

I am a Goddess. While I don’t expect instant respect, I do expect civility.

No I will not have sex with you. (Yep, believe it or not, it needs to be said that many times)

Do not call me Mistress. You have not earned the right and I have not earned the honor. Only one has that privilege.

Loki is a 9 or 10 year old yellow lab. No one is sure of his age since he came from the Humane Society. This is the story of how he came to be part of my family.

My ex husband and I had two dogs, Cameo and Shadow. They were mine from my first marriage. In March of '03 we lost Shadow to a stroke. Cameo at this point was pushing 11 years old. She was despondent just like we were. She missed Shadow. We decided to get another dog, Karma. A beautiful shepherd/retriever mix. She was an energetic puppy as most of them are and we realized that Cameo could not keep up with her because of age. We decided on getting another dog, one that could keep up with Karma leaving Cameo to relax her aging bones.

October '03. Enter Loki.

The first time I saw him I thought no way. He was in his own pen at the Humane Society, what they quietly refer to as the "last chance" pen. He was a huge beast, 130 pounds, all muscle, bouncing on a trampoline with a kong toy in his mouth and the most gooberish look on his face. We got to go inside the pen for a few minutes while they looked for a collar and leash. What drew me was the loving look on his face when I petted him. He just wanted love and attention. We got to take him outside to another pen to see how we got along. I was still hesitant but there was something about him. He was so happy someone was paying attention, he was starved for it. When he put down the kong long enough to lick my chin, I knew he was coming home. We did the paperwork, they kept him over night so he could be neutered then the journey with Loki began.

We brought him home the next day, Karma wasn't sure how to react. Cameo was indifferent. She just wanted to curl up on her bed or my lap and get her belly scratched. Karma and Loki eventually came to an agreement, she was second in command for the canine community, Cameo being the first leaving poor Loki as the omega. He didn't even care. So happy to have a home and family, he took it in stride. We called it his "happy go Loki" way of taking things. He became affectionally know as the Goob. Most labs have some Goober in them, but Loki to it to a whole knew level. His whole loving and care free attitude won my heart and he became one of the "kids"

Saturday, day before Easter '06.

I woke to hear a dog whimpering. Karma and Loki were in the bedroom with me, that could only mean it was Cameo. Her health had declined over the past month to where she couldn't get up without my help. We knew the time was close and we had planed to have her put to sleep that coming Monday. I went out to the living room to see what was wrong, she had evacuated on her bed. I cleaned her up and her bed, gave her water and some food and sat there watching her. She seemed to be doing alright, so I showered and came back into the living room. Karma and Loki were both laying beside her, both with sad looks on their faces. Dogs know, dogs sense and they knew Cameo was close. Taking my que from them, I picked up Cameo and curled up on her bed, petting her and whispering to her that it was ok to let go. After some time, my back killing me but not wanting to leave her alone, I got up for a bathroom break and smoke. Afterwards I sat back down with the kids, Cameo in my arms and we all waited. I could feel her breathing becoming labored, her little body shuddering with each breath. The time came, she took one last breath, a deep one and I felt her go limp. Karma let out a quiet yip and Loki rested his big head on my knee.

'07.

My ex husband and I split in August. He moved out, my play partner Shdwdrgn and I developed a more personal relationship in December. Loki started having some problems when he would poop. Something seemed to be right at the opening to his rectum and he would bleed. Not having money I couldn't take him to the vet.

April '08

Shdwdrgn, sugar and I decided it was time for me to move out of my place since I was pretty pissed off with my room mate. I was going to live with sugar until Shdwdrgn's wife had moved out. And before any of you start with the "homewrecker" crap, the marriage was over before this. His wife knew about us.

May'08

We lived with sugar for a month then we moved into Shdw's house. The "kids" loved the huge back yard. Loki found that by going downstairs to the finished basement he could escape Karma and her attitude. Two weeks later Shdw gets into a bad car accident and Loki's poop problems start getting worse.

July '08

Loki goes to the vet. Finally had the money to get him checked out. He has a polyp in his rectum and tests are done. It could turn cancerous. Surgery is discussed but he has to lose weight first. He's too big at 130 lbs.

August '08 - May '09

Shdw has 3 more surgeries stemming from the car accident. Money becomes an issue again. Loki's polyp looked like it went away, things were going good, then he started having trouble going at all.

June 13 '09

Loki has a vet visit. He has lost weight, he's down to 106. The vet checked him out. The polyp has completely grown in. The vet is pretty sure it is cancerous. He is hardly able to poop and the chances of surgery helping at this point are minimal. Anything they do would make his quality of life worse. My Goober is dying, slowly. The vet says he could have two weeks or two months. No idea. All we can do is try to make him comfortable by giving him things to help him move his bowels. My Goober, the most full of life dog you'd ever know, dying. As I type this, I feel like my heart is being ripped out. Most people see dogs as just that, a dog. I see them as family. They depend on us for everything. I feel as tho I let Loki down by not being able to help him. We are watching him now, looking for the sign that he is on a downward spiral so we can take him in for euthanasia.

Our community lost a soul this past Monday. An exceptional person, a father, a brother, a son, and last but not least, a shining example of a slave.

While I did not know him as well as others, he held a place in my heart. His Mistress and I became fast friends, and during that time, he earned my respect. Watching him in service was a joy. He showed grace, honor, loyalty and commitment to his Mistress and to others around them. I had the pleasure of a few scenes with him and his Mistress. He would take anything we gave him and still ask for more to please us.

I never got to know the whole person that was him. I do regret that as I’m sure he was incredible. But I am grateful for the little time I got to spend with him. He was and is a true shining light in our community. His smile alone gave off a warmth that could thaw even the most chilled heart.  Death will not dim his luminescence, it has only made it radiate brighter.

Alcuin, may the Goddess keep you safe and continue allowing your aurora to shine on us.

Blessed be dear soul.

Do not stand at his grave and weep...
He is not there. He does not sleep.

He is a thousand winds that blow.
He is the diamond glints on snow.
He is the sunlight on ripened grain.
He is the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
He is the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
He is the soft starshine at night.

Do not stand at his grave and cry...
He is not there. He did not die.

By:DragonLady.