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DrSeurat

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PROFILE I've got this sort of highbrow/ lowbrow/salt of the earth thing going on that comes down to this: I love all of our beautiful abominations-- particularly the sexual ones. I've actually studied BDSM on a doctoral level, and have some interesting theories if you're the intellectual type ( my research has been presented a national level and you can see some of my conclusions below). If you're not the curious type, I also have lots of romantic, work,wilderness, and scuba diving stories. I think of myself as a compassionate provocateur, who has been lucky enough to work the job I've wanted, had all the materials I've wanted, lived in the neighborhoods I've wanted, etc. etc...and all It's really taught me is that what counts is finding the rare, kind, weird, Lady who hasn't drunk the Kool-Aid . I know looks are important, and realize my photograph is a bit vague (I need to be a bit discreet because of my profession), but both are pictures of me -- I'm lean/ muscular and can send you more pictures. So let's talk about our darkest fantasies of lust, power, domination, humiliation, and punishment (and can furnish some pretty original fantasies upon request), but let's also talk about who we are, and what we believe in. Unlike what most people think, dark sex often goes with a true heart. Although I'm able to live outside the law, I'm ethical and responsible and can be particularly good at being your best friend/ faithful lover/ trusted confidant, listening and taking care of you. So here's to the darkness and the light. RESEARCH CONCLUSIONS Read at Your Own Risk/ Can Get Pretty Boring: BDSM people are among a variety of sexual minorities who are often scarred by the bias against them. In contrast to what is commonly believed, sexual kinks have not been associated with dysfunctional families or mental disorders (although mental disorders can be produced by the cultural/scientific bias against BDSM). I find that many of my BDSM patients begin therapy believing that they are sexually well-adjusted, only to find out later that they have hidden traumas associated with their sexuality. To ameliorate this it is important to understand the limited and specific meaning of the fantasy behind the kink. This leads to greater self acceptance, and a greater understanding of what you want in others. If someone is turned on by a peculiar personality trait in someone else, it may be because this personality trait is playing a role in a hidden or misunderstood fantasy.
Once the Judeo-Christian sex=sin moralizing is removed from sexuality, the function of BDSM fantasies appears to be similar to the function of other fantasies -- they help us escape stressors. The purpose behind adult fantasies about being heroically powerful in the face of situations where they feel disempowered (think of James Thurber's famous character "Walter Mitty" character) seems obvious to have an obvious purpose. . But sexual fantasies often begin when we are children. What would such fantasies be like for a naturally helpless child in the face of power exchange situations they are too young to understand. Any stressful power exchange situation (e.g. doctors visits, student-teacher confrontations, parental discipline or abuse etc.), could trigger the need to explain events, and reduce stress through fantasy. The events that inspire the fantasy would be interpreted through basic instincts (e.g. sex or aggression), and have a simple narrative plot befitting a child's level of reasoning (e.g. strong versus weak. The stress reducing function of the fantasy is realized when the fear that the stronger person is your enemy (and wants to hurt you) is transformed into the eroticized belief that they desire you. Pain or humiliation can be seen as the elements of desire if you believe the person who wants to inflict the pain or humiliation is also the person who desires you.

This method of transforming stress into pleasure through sex can be rewarding enough to want to repeat it. To put this another way, combining the forces an unconscious genetic tendency towards dominance or submission, with a conscious sexual fantasy about a power exchange, can turn an unconscious desire into a conscious kink--particularly if you find it so pleasurable that you compulsively repeat it.
To better understand this dynamic, I will apply it to myself. As a child, I had a particularly difficult time with doctors visits because my parents presented the doctor as a kind wise man, even though I saw him as a dangerous vaccine giving stranger who wanted me to undress. I found in this fight or flight power exchange situation quiet stressful, but needed to accept it. One approach to doing this was to interpret what was happening sexually. My genetic tendency towards dominance likely explains why I identified with the doctor. The narrative details of my fantasy likely represent my need to explain what was happening to me in a safe way that reduced stress (i.e. a way that let me trust my parents and the doctor). The threatening power dynamic between doctor and patient was thus turned into a safe sexual dynamic wherein the doctor's attempt to hurt or humiliate me is the reason he/she desires me.
Now a days, I have quite a few dark fantasies, including the medical one, but I'm also a decent and sane fellow. I am informative like a compassionate teacher (former professor who emphasized critical thinking instead of grades), trustworthy like an idealistic doctor (Ivy League educated psychologist who has seen patients for free when they were unable to pay), protective like a good father ( once risked my life to save a woman who was being raped). But sexually I can also be mean like a critical teacher ( who prefers punishment to praise) , cold like a cheap HMO doctor (who will examine you with no concern for your dignity), controlling like an ruthless father (who will make you do things you shouldn't, and then spank and clean you for not being cleaner). So am I an angel or a monster? Obviously I'm not one or the other, I am both, and this type of contradiction represents who we all are. The brain is now understood as a compilation of competing unconscious ways of reasoning, but not long ago it was believed that there was a "genuine self", and that it resided in the deepest levels of the unconscious. This is why the American Psychiatric Association originally thought most BDSM practitioners were psychopaths (because our true, unconscious self wanted to hurt others for no reason). And this is why many BDSM practitioners still secretly believe that their desire to hurt or humiliate others during sex represents their true, shameful, emotionally disturbed self. I hope that the above explanation has helped you throw up all of this artificial vanilla extract about your inner psychopath.

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SexySatyrLady
 
 Age: 50
 Mesquite, Texas