This is rather long and I don't recall where I found it, but it's very much worth reading to the end.

The Qualities of a Great Dominant

Acceptance:  
Acceptance of self, what is within yourself, what your wants needs and desires are; acceptance of your limitations and those of your submissive. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are, including their shortcomings and especially to accept your own. Accepting what being a dominant is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within, but happy in ones mind set.  
 


Communication:  
 This is the ability to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an absolute necessity within a D/s one. A dominant should have the skills to communicate their needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the dominant. Once communication is open it should remain that way, and will do so provided the dominant does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate is to endanger yourself physically (by not telling the submissive your experience and other necessities) and emotionally.

Compassion:  
 The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your submissive's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things within reality that can affect a submissive physically, emotionally and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to the many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your submissive from serving to the best of their abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your submissive, support him/her during times of stress shows that you are truly a well rounded dominant. One who realizes that a dominant and a submissive are people too. Without compassion you are not a dominant only a sadist.

Courtesy:  
 This one is fairly self explanatory but many people have asked me for specifics on courtesy. It is the ability to show proper manners, pleases and thank yous. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A dominant should show courtesy to his/her submissive and other submissives around them. Just because you are a dominant does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This includes courtesy to your peers.   

Grace:  
 Elegance in the manner a dominant presents themselves is an important and desirable personality trait that many submissives say they prefer. The way a dominant carries themselves, their style of play, no matter how graphic should still flow with style and grace. Their actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, the dominant should be willing to learn and grow in this area.

Dominance:  
 This is the most important trait in a dominant. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well being.  He exercises complete control over His submissive, or submissives, but it is done in a more subtle way, with influences and thoughts rather than threats and physical punishments.

Honesty:  
 Personally I feel this shouldn't need to be said, but there are far too many people who lack honesty so it has to be said. Honesty is the ability to speak up, be open and truthful about what you say. Don't hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don't tell the submissive what you think he/she wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And without the trust, there is no true relationship. A successful dominant is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when he/she speaks. Most important is to be honest about your level of experience, to lie is to endanger the very life of a submissive.

Humility:  
 This is basically the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a dominant. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. (possibly to settle a disagreement, set limits or things of that nature) A successful dominant knows they will make mistakes, that they are no perfect. Sure they have pride in their abilities but they also know that everyone grows constantly and they are secure enough within themselves not to need to be the center of attention at all times. This allows the dominant to be open to learning new things and not have a know it all attitude. This brings into play bullying. Bullying is using your status as a dominant to push around submissives without any thought for their well being at all. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A dominant who consistently bullies will turn submissives away from them and lose the respect of their peers. It shows a lack of humility and can also mask a poor sense of self esteem or a possible abusive person using the lifestyle to hide their abusive nature.

Intelligence:  
 By intelligence I don't mean book smart, the ability to do long involved mathematical equations’ or pull apart and rebuild a computer. As it applies to a successful dominant intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the toys inherent in the lifestyle before using them on a person.
The willingness and ability to research and learn about the lifestyle itself. The ability to make informed decisions about what their needs are and how to attain them and just how far their domination goes. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of dominant and submissive, to learn him/her as the person they are, their likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases their submissive and remember those things. The dominant should not only take the time and intelligence to know the physical tools, but also the psychological tools of dominance. Along with some basic psychological aspects of their submissive. (Knowledge should grow as people change constantly) There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant dominant trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity, intelligence, and skill

Loyalty:  
 This is a very important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honor and remain true to the agreement between you and your submissive should the agreement be one of monogamy or whatever. Fickleness is very unattractive in a dominant and dangerous to the emotional well being of the submissives who serve you.

Patience:  
 A good dominant has patience. The ability to wait for things. Being pushy is aggravating and not being dominant. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but to learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a submissive to learn all the intricacies of serving you and have the patience to teach the submissive what you prefer.

Pride:  
 This is the ability to know your capacities and realize you are not only a good person but a good dominant. The ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be closed minded to new ideas. Nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful thing, arrogance or false pride are deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the submissive.

Respect:  
 A successful dominant will show respect at all times, until such time as the submissive  proves he/she is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful dominant does not earn the respect of his/her peers or the submissives around them. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.

Responsibility: 
A good dominant should have a sense of responsibility and be aware that they are the ones who are in control of a scene. They should take this responsibility seriously and act in such a manner that will keep themselves and their submissive as safe as possible. A good dominant should take responsibility for his/her own actions, even so far as admitting a mistake when one is made and not push the blame onto someone else. A good dominant should use this sense of responsibility to learn before acting. 
He takes responsibility for the submissive or submissives in His life, he controls them and dominates them, but He is empathetic to them and sympathetic to their needs, understanding that for any submissive to give their best, they must be secure and confident in their submission.

Self Control: 
A good dominant must be in control of themselves first before they can even hope to control another safely. A good dominant is not one who is prone to fits of out of control behavior, raging fits and other actions which show a lack of self control. A dominant should be able to keep his physical needs in check in order to maintain a scene safely for the submissive. A good dom should also have the self control needed to stick to his/her guns when they are faced with a begging sub for something new that they know is dangerous and that they know they have no experience in. 

Self Respect:  
A good dominant values themselves, and respects their own limits. A bully does not thrill a submissive. A solid sense of self worth is a necessity for a dominant or they can cause serious damage to the submissive's psyche. This does not mean act like you are the universe's gift to domination.

Service:  This is applicable to dominants but not in the same way as a submissive. A dominant serves their submissive by and through their dominance. By intelligently applying their dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the submissive, the dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift. The dominant will therefore cherish that gift, and do their best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to an exchange of power relationship.

Like everyone else here, I don't reply to mail that doesn't include a picture. Seriously, I have pictures on my profile and you wouldn't have written if I didn't. I expect the same courtesy.

If someone wants to be a part of your life they will make an effort to be in it, so stop wasting your time reserving a place in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.

I'm noticing an even higher than normal level of bitterness in the profiles I am viewing here on CM. Not just the complaints about idiots with anger-management issues (which I think will never end anyway), but agony about the shallowness of people who members here have met and the lack of commitment to real connection. Personally, I hear ya. I've met quite a few people through here myself who just vanish back into cyberspace as if you didn't mean a thing to them, even after spending time together in person. And yes, I know it sucks.

Remember, though, that you should never let yourself be bothered by people like this. Why would anyone WANT to be with someone who didn't appreciate what a great person you are, or who simply aren't willing to go beyond shallow dabbling in their fantasies? I know the search seems long and arduous, but won't you eventually discover that the person who DOES stand up and want to be YOURS will just look all that much better because you already know what it took to find them?

You could never know what a good wine tastes like without tasting some that were bad. You would never appreciate a diamond without seeing a lot of glass. It's just the nature of reality.

Ignore those not worth your time. Forget the people who don't appreciate you. The search will all be worth it in the end. Sure, it may not happen as fast as you want, but you're a grown up and you know few great things in life come without effort.

There are MANY good people out there, so don't give up.

Embrace patience and self-reflection.

It WILL be worth the effort.

7 more views by fake profiles aged 22-23. I feel like a beta tester.  ;)

The latest viewing trend is another interesting one. 15 different fake profiles of submissives, all listed as aged 22-23 from 15 different locations. The pictures are clearly commercial ones, the profiles short and highly generic. I wonder why people bother? You would think people would have better things to do than troll Collarme?

I sometimes wonder what compels people to view my profile. In the last few days, 6 different female dominants have viewed my profile, even though I am myself dominant and (hopefully) CM properly identifies my profile as "male dominant."

Maybe it's just my ruggedly handsome looks? (grin)

Curious.