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There is a world where the swish of the hand, the thrash of a paddle or the sting of the strap is not abuse, but rather is part of a process of domination and structure which evolves out of care as opposed to distain. What most women would be aghast to endure or least to admit to wanting others crave. All of us in this world live on the edge of a darkness defined more by public unacceptability than by cruel or evil intent. For those of us who are married, and especially for those of us with vanilla spouses, this world may become even more desirable as we know it mostly for its absence, seeing, from time to time, brief glimpses of what it looks like.
I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for almost 20 years as a Dominant. I have learned that simple king play will help make life endurable, but it does not touch the soul the way that a Ds relationship does. I have learned that I am fairly good not perfect, but far from an inexperienced wannabe when it comes to defining a structure which will make a true submissive more comfortable with her life and give her a wider sense of purpose. Sometimes, indeed often, this comes in the of rules which are intended to improve the life. Sometimes, it comes in the of actions which, from time to time, show her submission. In either case, I do not seek to destroy marriages, careers, relationships with children, friends and workplace peers. I expect a sub of mine to be strong and assertive to others (and I will help her with this) but submissive to me. I push edges, but never in a way that explodes the word discreet or causes emotional pain. And, I am in no hurry to find my ideal partner in this world these things take time.
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