I don't think of myself as a switch, but since choices here are limited, it's the closest I can get. I have a strong personality, no matter what I am doing. I don't apologize for that. For me, finding the best BDSM relationship has always been about finding the best woman for me. When I find her, I take the role that is required in order to be with her. In the past 46 years, I have been a slave 6 times, a dom 3 times and had one vanilla marriage from hell and have never had another vanilla relationship since, nor will I. When I submit, I am a slave, not a switch. I submit completely. When I am dominant, I am a dom, not a switch. I am in complete control. We all wear different hats at different times. Sometimes I am a father. Sometimes I am a veteran. Sometimes I'm at work. All of these require different pieces of me, but they are all me. BDSM is no different. 

I am seeking what will hopefully be a lifelong relationship. I am poly, so perhaps it will grow. Who knows what the future may hold. My preference would be 24 7. I bought a large 4 bedroom home in North Phoenix with a poly family in mind. Which brings me to the vanilla side of life. I don't really care what your kinks are. After 46 years into BDSM, I've done most of the kinks that consenting adults can do as either a dom or sub or both. And the ones I haven't, I'm either not interested in, or perhaps I'm open to trying. But that's the benefit of being poly. If we have a need the other can't meet, and we will, we can go elsewhere to have it met. So my experience is that the BDSM/kinks are the easiest part of a bdsm relationship. It's finding the right person you want to be around the other 15 hours a day when your cloths are on, 365 days a year, year after year, that is the hard part. 

So lets talk about love. Falling in love is the greatest lie in the history of history. Falling in love is nothing but a hormone rush. How do I know? Because I had prostate cancer and as part of my treatment, they knocked all the testosterone out of me for 9 horrible f-ing months. With no testosterone, there is no sex drive and even the idea of sex is vaguely gross. You wonder why you could have ever wanted to do that. But the really amazing thing is, you can't fall in love. You can feel real love. Love for your parents or your kids, or a life partner you have built true love with. But that amazing rush that the writers write and the singers sing and the poets po about? Nope. Not possible. But as soon as the treatment ended, succesfully 5 years cancer free now, and my testosterone came back, so did my testosterone and my ability to fall in love. And it still feels wonderful, but now I know not to trust it. There is a reason that over 50 percent of first marriages and a much higher percentage of second and third marriages end in divorce. It's because people marry because they fall in love, and they get married without even really knowing the person they are marrying. And when those hormones wear off, and they always do, they find themselves married to a stranger they barely know and have put no work into building real bonds with. Maybe they got lucky and the compatibility is there to build those bonds if they both put in the work, and that happens half the time. The other half, it doesn't. So, here is my point. Yes, I'm going somewhere with all of this. Don't get married or collared or even shack up because of hormones. Do it with someone you really like. Someone you want to hang out with all the time, even when you have your cloths on. And yeah, can't wait to get back home to tear those cloths off is a fantastic bonus, but without that bond of really liking each other and enjoying each other's company, bdsm compatibility is not enough to make a commited 24 7 relationship work. 

So while I clicked on some of my kink interests, it was only a few of my favorites. And they didn't list a ton of my vanilla interests, but they listed some. So look at them, and if you want to talk with me, do it as you the person first. Lets be sure we like each other and have common vanilla interests, and that we can compartmentalize, so we can have both the bdsm and vanilla relationships. Because while the keep you locked in a cage and taking you out to be used thing is a nice fantasy, it's not real. In 46 years I've never seen it. But for me, I'd like to actually date. Do things out in the real world as well as try all those fun kink things at home and build both bdsm and vanilla relationships at the same time, and if they both work, then we can talk about long term. Deal? So reach out. So many women don't fill out their profiles so I have no idea if what I seek resonates with you or not, so you need to contact me if it does. 

In vanilla life, I have two grown sons back on the east coast. I'm a veteran, a home owner, a business owner, though right now semi-retired. I'm active in several veterans groups, as well as other social and hobby groups. I do some volunteer work when I can. I have a great life and I'm happier than I have ever been. I love living in the desert. My friends back east give me crap about the hot days in the summer, but I love the heat and as long as you stay out of the sun, it is not that bad. But it's 70 in December and they aren't giving me crap now. All I need is the right person or persons to share it with. 

The woman I seek will be highly intelligent, have integrity, ambition, a sense of humor, into science fiction, fantasy, gaming, geeekery, and obviously want a long term relationship built around a core of BDSM and poly. For some reason almost half of my relationships were with women on the autism spectrum, and all but one wasn't diagnosed until after our relationship ended. So if you are autistic and looking, please don't hesitate to contact me. Everything else is negotiable. I'm also very open to couples. Single men, maybe dominant men, but it would be new for me, so that would have to happen slowly. I have just reactivated this profile after many years, due to being in consecutive long term relationships for 10 years, then moving to Phoenix. My last relationship ended just before Covid so I'm finally putting myself out there. Here's hoping. I met my last domme and two other long term relationships off this site, so it is possible.