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A person wrote an email to me stating, "looking for a new respectful and obedient sub/slave for me to explore with and to have my way with, whatever I want or need."
This seems very nice and ideal, but i do not start any relationship like that. Over the years i have realized that is a formula for disaster, at least in my case. i desire to get to that point with someone but it takes time. Trust, respect, and faith need to have a strong foundation that is built between the two people. Without that You have nothing to support the relationship; nothing to stand firmly on.
i have many vanilla interests but i like the BDSM undertone to the relationship. i like to stay healthy, physically and mentally. I work out at the gym 4-5 times a week: running, weights, and the occasional class. i work out with a personal trainer two of those days. its important to me to find a Dom that holds being healthy as a very important part of there life.
i am fairly experienced. i have been active in the lifestyle for 5-6 years. i rarely date outside of the lifestyle. i have never been "collared" but i have been trained in two longer relationships. i would like to be collared one day. i dont take that lightly. i need to know that i am putting my life in the right persons hands. i wont settle for anything less. My spirit, soul and heart are valuable to me, as they should be. i need to know that they are equally as important to my Dom/Master.
i hope this paints a better picture of who i am. |
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hahaha....most people are emailing me cause, apparently my dog is way cuter than i... no fair (pouts).
BTW: she french bulldog. |
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Something is wrong with my profile.... but this is what it states:
i am a girl born with a slaves heart. i have so much love to give but no one to give it to. my desire and purpose is to serve the right Master. Please let me feel whole and free within Your control. i want to serve You with grace and obedience. i want to be Your good little girl.
*r/l only
*i will not relocate*
*Please also be able to answer this question; What makes You worthy enough to have a submissive cater to Your every whim and desire?
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Hello A/all,
i think that it is about time for another journal entry, considering its been about a year since i last wrote. i will begin by giving Y/you an update on my life. in the past year i have learned a few valuable lessons from a Dom friend that stays close to my heart.
1. to be patient. i have still yet to master this but i will succeed one day!
2. people can express how they care in multiple ways. i was aware of this, however i wasnt used to it being only shown in actions rather that words.
3. always have a plan
4. He helped me to be able to separate my thoughts from feelings, which in turn made me act more rationally
He has taught me so much and for that i will be forever thankful. He and i were not compatible for a D/s relationship but W/we still remain good friends.
i have become friends with a Master/slave married couple here in SF. Before them i didnt have anyone i could talk to about what was going on in my D/s life that could understand what i was going through. it is so nice to be able to have that support now.
i have also started to read the message boards here on collarme. they are a great source of information and it also allows me to see things from different point of views. it also gives me food for thought which helps me grow as a submissive, as a woman, and as a human being.
So, this year was a year of growth and for that i am very happy. |
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This has been an intense journey thus far and i wouldnt trade any part of it. Even though some parts have been very dark i am still here wanting more. In each moment that i have experienced i have learned and grown from it. For those experinces i am thankful. In the past couple of weeks i have met many people in the lifestyle through a munch. They were all very nice and have a lot to offer. For all of you who have never gone to a munch, i would suggest going to one and giving it a try. They dont bite....unless you ask them too. *smile* |
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It has been awhile since i have served a Dom. As the days go on i crave to be at the foot of a Dom/Master. This feeling from inside me is dieing to come out. i feel like i am walking around as half a person because i cant be who i want to be with out the other half. i want and need to be loved. i am searching for You, please help find me. |
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i went to my first munch last week and it was great. i encourage all Y/you newbies to give it a try. They were all so friendly. i walked in a like a scared puppy dog but left with friends who were like me and Y/you. |
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my last journal was not about me.... i was just wondering how others felt about a situation that was brought to my attention. i would like to sincerely thank Those who took the time to send me a response. |
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According to Dictionay.com Rape is:
1. The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.
2. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction.
3. Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice. My question is:
if the girl didnt want to have intercourse at the time but was forced to anyway, then by defintion she was raped, right? What if the next day she felt like she deserved it and then expressed gratitude for the rape, is it still rape then? i know that this is a touchy subject with in our culture and i find it very confusing. Please let me know what Y/you think.
We like to have scenes like this and let our Dom/Master take complete brutal control. These intense play sessions can be lots of fun but shouldnt these things be discussed before hand? What if it is used as a punishment, not as a pleasure scene? There are so many unclear factors.
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How do i feel about poly relationships?
i can only answer this from my experience and not from that of others. i ask myself, how do i know if something is right for me and the answer is how it feels. serving, being obedient, being graceful feels and comes naturally to me. it pleases me to make "Him" happy. This relationship brings me great pleasure however when i was serving a Man who was poly i found myself becoming more and more self destructive. i wasnt emotionally strong enough to be secure in knowing that He wouldnt just leave me. i constantly felt like i had to compete with this other submissive. i felt like when He was with her that He didnt care about me. He tried to tell me that my thinking was wrong but i couldnt get past it. in order for me to completely submit to my Dom i need to feel safe and have that foundation of trust. Every time He was with her that trust and safety that i needed was depleating. i then stopped giving Him myself because i felt as if i needed to protect myself from getting hurt. This was not what He wanted. He wanted to progress with me but i couldnt do it. it didnt feel right. i can and want to be 110% dedicated to my Dom but i need to know that He is dedicated to me as well. i need to know that His focus is clear so that He can read me well. If He doesnt know who i am things can go terribly wrong. Also what is good for one maybe horrible for another and i couldnt stand to constantly be compared, even though i think in many ways i was stronger than the others He was with. This didnt make me feel better but it made me feel bad for her.
like i said this is only from my point of view. i do think however if it feels good and natural to others then i am happy for them. i just know that it is not for me. i think it also depends on your history of relationships. i was cheated on and i was also the other girl at times so i have many trust issues that are very hard for me to get past.
This makes me feel selfish though because i want what makes Him happy and if this is what pleases Him then i should be eager to obey. i couldnt handle it though. This made feel weak, selfish, ungrateful and overall shitty. *sigh* i wish i could have been a better slave for Him but i had to ask for release. i shut off and it wasnt fair to Him.
Please tell me your reaction to what i have written. i always want to learn more about what O/others think. |
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its my birthday!!!!!  |
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Through trial and error i have come to the conclusion that i am not poly. i wonder if it is just more natural in some than in others. i do give Y/you all credit though..... it is so hard. |
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