Saturday, August 31, 2013
“Indeed, nothing outside your own mind can properly be described as negative or positive at all. What actually causes suffering are the beliefs you hold about those things.” From the book The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman
“You haven’t changed Your mind Sir?”
“No. “
“Really? Your slave really has to go in there? Alone?”
“YES! For the tenth time, YES!” Master was getting upset now at slave’s reluctance. The irony, that He wasn’t aware of, was that slave was reading a book about, well, how to change your thinking so as to make things better. The book is about stoicism, Zen and how to face the worst in order to be happy. One of the first chapters is about psychologist Albert Ellis who liked to prescribe a humiliation exercise for his clients. He would have them get on a subway and shout out the name of each stop, very loudly, “as a way of demonstrating how irrationally we approach even mildly unpleasant experiences – and how we might find unforeseen benefits lurking within them, if only we could bring ourselves to look.”
Mentally slave breathed a sigh of relief that He didn’t know that she had the answer, the solution to her fear so close at hand. Or did He? In any case, He discussed with her very patiently why He wanted her to do this. “This” entailed going to the local strip club and slave walking in alone and ordering a drink. This mortified slave. It made her feel debased, trashy and not her element at all. What would the men there think of her? Or the women for that matter? When she walked in they would all turn and look at her. she might attract attention. Perhaps unwanted attention.
But first, dinner. This time slave prepared her person carefully but without the nervousness as before when she would have been meeting the other Master. This time she did her hair and makeup carefully and thought only of the dinner. she had been wanting to go to this bar for a very long time and finally, tonight was the night. Yet, even this would be a challenge!
Master wanted her to wear a thin cotton knit blouse that easily revealed her nipples and cleavage. She wore the same short black skirt from the previous outing that allowed her to sit on her ass and wore nothing underneath. Master told her that she looked very beautiful and sexy. As He drove to the restaurant it was still light out. Master reached between slave’s thighs and fingered her cunt. she felt exposed, afraid that someone would see this happening and call the police. she said as much out loud and Master told her that no one could really see her and even if they did call the police, could anything be substantiated? Perhaps not, she admitted to herself, but the feeling remained.
We arrived at the restaurant and parked across the street in an office building lot. Master escorted her out of the car and kissed her for awhile, then felt her cunt again. He felt her often to see if she were wet. Mostly she was afraid and was trying to relax and enjoy dinner.
In the restaurant we sat in an unobtrusive corner that was somewhat private but still in view of other patrons. slave wore high heels, a short black skirt and lime-green top that stood out among the drab sportswear of the other people there. she felt conspicuous, especially since her nipples protruded through the thin fabric of the blouse. Master seemed happy with this, happy with slave’s discomfort. He kissed her several times as they talked and snacked. Once or twice His hand slid under the blouse to tease her nipple and cup a breast. The waiter, who had smiled at her when they first arrived, now turned his eyes away from her and addressed Master instead. Was she embarrassingly revealing in her clothes? She felt distinctly out of place there.
All too soon the meal was over and we headed to the local strip club. slave was feeling very afraid and didn’t want to go. Having to enter alone would make her feel so vulnerable and alone. One reason she liked being a slave was the feeling of always having protection, although she could take care of herself if need be, there were places she felt uncomfortable. Walking in to a strip club she would look like a whore or perhaps a woman very lonely and open to anything…
Master explained that she needn’t worry so much, that they were going there early in the evening before things got too busy and He would be watching her. They parked in the lot. She took a deep breath and without thinking as much as possible lifted her chin and headed for the door. The bouncer glanced at her while cleaning the ashtray outside. “Hello,” he said, barely looking up.
“Hi,” she responded gruffly. She was a little bit too angry and scared she thought and it came through in her voice.
Walking in she paused, looking for the appropriate place to sit while taking a deep breath. There were only four or five other men there and one very fat dancer. Yes, fat. slave laughed to herself since no one really looked at her except the bartender who eagerly came to take her drink order. she sat in the corner then, calmer finally than when the night began. Master came in a few moments later and sat alone, ignoring her. He had said that she must sit alone and have a drink or two before He would come over to her, but after ten minutes He joined her at the table. “I guess this was a bust!” He kissed her then, smiling.
After a few drinks slave began to enjoy watching the girls dance. Some were very good at it, some were sexy and others less so. slave felt good being there and liked the change of scenery even. Master watched the dancers and fingered His slave’s cunt at the same time. Even though it was as strip club, slave felt that He shouldn’t be doing that, since no one could do that to the dancers, either. No one said anything, but once again Master was pushing the boundaries.
After awhile we left. Master led slave to the car and opened the back door. She thought he would fuck her in the back seat, but instead He removed all her clothes and put on a mask and handcuffs. “Lie down,” He commanded. She lay quietly in the backseat as they drove through the city, Master wouldn’t tell her where.
Soon He pulled in to a garage and carried her into a house, which she knew was their house. She lay on the floor of the living room, cold and naked. “Get on your knees bitch!”
On all fours she waited. She felt the large flogger on her back, her ass, and her thighs. The deep thump of it felt good in a way that is hard to describe. It’s like being hugged and having something broken loose inside of you at the same time. There is a small sting from the tips of the leather thongs, but it doesn’t really hurt. In a sense it removes the excess emotion and allows you to relax. So slave relaxed.
she felt relaxed enough to have the butt plug inserted, but this proved painful. she isn’t as anally erotic as Master would like and her efforts to please Him ended up backfiring. In any case, she was able to insert the glass dildo instead while Master fucked her.
For all intents and purposes this was the end of the evening’s festivities. It had felt very challenging at the start but when all was said and done it had been enjoyable. slave recognizes that she is very inhibited when it comes to being sexual in public. she has never been an extrovert and has never shown off her body much. Especially now, as age has caught up to her. In high school growing up in Hawaii, she always wore a hoodie over her tee shirts, covering herself as much as possible. When Master fingers her in public, whether people can see it or not, she becomes tense and unable to enjoy it. Master says she is wet, but she can’t feel this. There is little sexual thrill in her head at the time. It may disappoint Him to hear this, but she has never been that kind of person. It reminds her of another slave He used to have, a woman who loved to show off her body and often tried to take the spotlight from slave by being more extroverted and revealing. At the time she was jealous and felt like she was pushed to be the same way in order to compete but this was against her personality. Anytime she’s gone against her personality to compete she has felt like a failure.
So the lesson is proven. Fear is all in the mind and everything is a game. After all, if she didn’t mind any of this, would Master have a way to play with her?