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Esential principles of the BDSM relationship
As in any relation, also here the most important is the respect to the partner, and it does not matter if she/he is a master or slave, it works both ways. Anybody would hardly ever submit to someone, who did not earn his trust, and she will not earn his trust, if she does not show her esteem to him too. Only novices and these, who do not take BDSM seriously, claim themselves to be Mistresses or slaves from the first meeting. Be aware of these people! Who is serious, this will take you as an equal partner. When both of you ensure, that your desires match and both feel comfortable and have trust in each other, then the bottom can offer himself to be under the control of the top, and the top can take this offer. I stress here, that both parties can and not must. To submit, it is the last bottom's decision. Since the top takes that offer, she takes also the responsibility for her bottom. I find following ads and responses as a major mistake: "i am begging you to be accepted for your service", or "kneel and immediately write to me that you want to submit!". Both are signs of low experience (well I was the same in the past :-), and in case of experienced people it demostrates a lack of esteem or self-esteem. Relations, which start in that way, end very early too and are not very happy. Of course there is no rule without an exception. If you seek someone just for one session and you like a risk, it can be the right way for you. But it is not how I feel about BDSM. If you search for a lifetime partner and want to have a life full of love, sex and emotions, then it would be better to start from another point - go for a dinner, learn what she likes, what is her philosophy, what she expect from live and very slowly get to the questions concerning BDSM. In that way you can test, if you are both of the same mind. |
