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I am a 35 year old submissive masochist. I have been this for as long as I can remembersince before I even knew what sex was. However, I did not know this subculture and way of finding one another existed until only about a year and a half ago. Before that, my sex life consisted of vanilla men and women with whom I apprehensively shared my sexual proclivities in the hopes I did not hear reproach or shame in response. Even when the response was curious andor exploratory, rarely did our forays into kinkier activities reach the level I desired or fulfill my needs.
Since discovering these BDSM social communities, in which we can all be ourselves, I have met many new people and discovered many things about myself. I look forward to meeting more people and experiencing new things, but Ill share some of what Ive learned so far so you can decide if youd like to know me better.
Some things that havent changed are my desire to have a partner to whom I can be completely devoted and loyal, one whom I can adore and on whom I can dote unashamedly. I am a very giving and unselfish lover. However, I am human, and therefore cannot consistently give without slowly draining, both emotionally and mentally. Because of this, I have found that the sub part of me needs a DomDomme who has at least a touch of DaddyMommy in himhera DomDomme who wants to be sure Im properly cared for after having cared for himher. I say this requires a DaddyMommy, because often I will not ask for any kind of giving-back so to speak. I need someone who will know that I need it and do it without me asking. If desired, teach me to ask.
I have learned that I have a touch of little girl and a touch of pet, but have not fully explored these, so do not know how far it would go. I have learned that I am sapiosexualturned on by intelligence and turned off by a lack thereof. I have learned that my DomDomme needs to be at least a little sadistic. I have learned that part of my love of the lifestyle stems from how much attention a sub receives. In vanilla life, I dont need much attention and usually prefer not to be the center of attention. However, from my partner, I enjoy being the center of attention and love the special feeling it gives me, even if its just the extra time it takes to tie me before play.
I have learned that aftercare is important and necessary. Usually I do not receive it in the way I need because I dont usually need it until the day after, but even some texts or a call to check on my well-being are better than nothing at all. I have learned that when a DomDomme gets in my head during play, the results are infinitely more rewarding. I wish to explore that more with someone.
I have learned about the community as well as myself. Disappointingly, I have learned that men in the lifestyle are just as clueless about womens sexuality as vanilla men. Its really not that difficult, guys. Promise. I have learned that some dominants have no clue how much trust and sacrifice it takes to be a submissive, especially a masochistic one. I am reminded of this by dominants scoffing indignantly at my desire to remain anonymous when I am initially communicating, or in the focus on the cool appearance of a mark before asking how its affecting me.
Overall, I am in love with this lifestyle. I will never again enter the world of vanilla sex. I am looking for a partner with whom I can have a meaningful, fulfilling relationship, both vanilla and kink. I am an educated professional with a career, so I want to be able to live my kink life in private and my vanilla life in public (maybe with some kink sprinkled in )). This means I am uninterested in internet-only relationships. I am very likely uninterested in long distance. I am uninterested if you are married. If youve made it this far and you are still interested, say hi. Lets chat.
Youll find more pics on fetlife. Same username.
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