Really ? this is what my life has come to? im sadden by my future or rather lack of one. I go out with friends and im hit on often by too young of men who dont even have the grace to shower and put on a clean shirt before they prosead to tell me how they gonna break my hip and knock my back out , what the hell is that ? im so frustriated with this. im worth more than that , i know i can add value to someones life and be someone special to another. why , why why is this so dammn hard for me ?

i have not been on the site in quite some time , hope anyone who has left a message does not think im being rude. just time spent off line has been more important lately. i truelly hope everyone is finding what they seek, being true to self and those they come in contact with. i can not stress enough how foolish and what a waist of time it is to lie about yourself, you will not get what you want , what you need, what you desire if you are not true to self and to others .

just a quick shout out to mother nature for not giving snakes wings , thanks

work has been a lovely diversion from my desires but also a painful reminder that what I seek is difficult to obtain . how easily I can dominate the males that frequent my work place . how quickly I am given respect by they referring to me as miss or madam , please and thank you by simply giving a look . im not bragging , just stating a truth. my dominance is never tested in my place of work , which is as it should be but it is a reminder of how impossible it has been to find my master . however I search on , simple fact is I can not be who I am truly till I find him , I can not be completely fulfilled and happy without him . 

just wanted anyone who feels the need to give me a psychological evaluation or has read a book on psychology or a freshman class in psychology, should just not. you don't know me, I don't fit into some textbook mold and you could not possibly understand how my mind works better then I from reading my profile or my journal. I don't need validation for how I feel as I do. I don't need to be told I wont find what I want till I relax my limits or my attitude. if you feel that way then obviously im not for you so move the hell on and don't waist my time by leaving asinine comments so you can feel validated. again just because you have cock , you are not entitled and you have earned nothing , having a cock makes you male , it does not make you dominant .

im in a perpetual state of frustration . WERE ARE YOU.

is there such a thing as a dominant submissive? the answer is yes . I am this type of person , I am the mother and father, provider and protector I am the cook , the maid , the enforcer and the rule maker,  the dominant force in my home, in the work world I am also the dominant force and maintain the control in my work atmosphere, im the dominant friend and the go to person for everything . I count on myself to get it done and get it done right . I demand and have earned respect . with that being said, for the right dominant alpha male I will submit. A man who wont try to take away what I have to be but allow me to be with him what im meant to be. after all, I am a woman , who is soft, feminine and strong but sensitive , wanting  to be allowed to be the submissive woman begging to be let out . I can leave the dominance at the door and come kneel at his feet. dominant to the rest of the world but submissive only to him

F.Y.I people there is a search engine referred to as an image search that allows a person to drop an image aka your picture into it and it tells you who the photo is , so chopping the head off of a photo and using the persons image as your own will not work , if I perceive your photo as a fake in about 30 seconds I can find out . so don't be an ass and don't use a photo that is of another person . you will be found out to be a liar.  if you are lying about what you look like then everything else is prob a lie as well, if you don't wish to post your photo, fine that's understandable but don't try to pass yourself off as looking like or having the body of another person , that people is just dumb  

I am coming to realize that I am in the villain in my own life story

THE MIND; A beautiful servant , a dangerous master 

I am quickly learning that what I want most has proven to be the hardest to aquire

there are only a few things that truly belong to me; who I am, who I was, and who I want to be

I was born with an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it. more often then not i give more then i could ever recieve

I would call you a cunt , and you know who you are but you lack the depth and the warmth

its not for me to prove my worthiness to a Dom but for a Dom to prove his worthiness to me. A submissive person places themselves into the hands of another person, they place their trust, body, devotion, heart, and everything else that's is who they are. a submissive takes great risk. so therefore a Dom should prove he is trust worthy , intelligent, compassionate, and has the ability to really see the submissive in the most primal of ways, to see what is the submissives needs. The Dom should have the ability to guide and protect . The Dom has a huge responsibility so therefore should prove he has the ability to take such a responsibility. submission is a gift, it is not to be taken nor is it owed  it is earned 

A submissive person is not less then , she is more then . she is more then most can understand, she is more then most can handle, she is, more then most can appreciate, she is stronger then most can see, she is smarter then most can imagine. she is more then most deserve.

LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR FOR ALL THOSE LACKING INTELLIGANCE, IF YOU THINK FOR ONE MOMENT I WILL TAKE ABUSE , THI NK AGAIN, ABUSE ME AND I Will SET YOUR ASS ON FIRE LITERALLY. DOMINANCE IS NOT ABUSE . if your week little mind does not understand that , know that your cell mate will teach that lesson to you . submission is not a sigh of weakness, nor is it a go light for abuse . if some woman hurt your little feelings and now you want to take that out on women . I fucking dareyou to think you can abuse me .. grow the fuck up and realize being a man , a dominant man does not give you a get out of jail free card if you abuse a woman. understand a dominant will protect his submissive, love her, and guide her, not blacken her eyes and break her ribs. a real dominant would never do that because he is secure and confident and protective and a god damn man as a man was meant to be . only a cowardly week boy would abuse a woman 

poly style living has become an interest, not saying im looking for that but it has made me curious . I will be researching this dynamic for curiosity sake. when I say research I don't mean physically place myself in a poly household , I find I know little about this lifestyle so there for to self educate seems like a good idea  

me thinks some people be lying about their age,,,,,, shame , shame , shame,,, cant start even a good lasting friendship on a lie so why lie  at all about anything  . do yourselves all a solid and just be truthful , any lie you tell will hinder you and that which you desire . all truth comes to the light at some point . just trust that who you are is good enough and you will get all you deserve and desire

food for thought, how can ones slave be productive if in a cage. just curious as to the mind set a master has that cages his slave

im going to put this as simply as I can , this is how I see submission,,,,, its giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they wont

I was asked a question recently that I thought merited some real thought and reflection,,,, the question being are you a natural submissive or do you just want to be submissive? my background one would think im not by nature a submissive woman . I think regardless of my past behaviors that I am in fact a very natural submissive female. in all vanilla relationships I have had I have always place the other person first and did all I could to please and make the other person happy . even as a Domme I true enough pleased myself but really I was pleasing them as well, they received from me all they needed. I am a giver .In addition I think all woman are naturally submissive and have been taught to go againt that nature. even the most dominant of woman ,if presented with a more dominant man will submit. I think subconsciously every woman longs for her master , its just been taught out of her to want that 

i am for drink and the embrace of questionable men, may your day bring you equal favors..... lol... i suppose i can settle for just drink.

a previous sub of mine has asked, begged to be allowed back , im a bit torn in this situation , as my new path leads me away from being a domme but my inability to find for myself a good dom match has caused me to regress a bit . i ask myself would it be so bad to take him back while im on a new path , would i be different as domme now then from before my revelations? am i stunting my growth in the direction i want to be going. whats best for him and whats best for me. its not so simple an answer to find. my heart is not in being a domme anymore, my mind set has changed and i wonder if i even can give him what he needs anymore. there is such profound responsibility in being a domme and that is not the issue but not abuseing the responsibility or not being capable of provideing was is needed is the issue, not to mention for myself ,how much damage would i be putting on my own mentle state. i have conflicts enough within myself . i have almost twisted this into thinking even if i take him back into service ,its really me provideing a service to him . im all kinds of messed up over this one and simple cant deside the proper course. i have talked myself into and out of this several times over the last few days and yet i cant make a choise. perhaps the fact that i cant deside should tell me im no longer a domme

about two weeks ago a man at my job made a statement to me that i cant get out of my head. He said no man can keep you. your too wild and cant be broken. i was a bit taken back to know thats how i was being perceived. i responded by saying why would a man want to break my wildness, a man should want to controle it not break it. perhaps im wrong in this way of thinking but why break a person ? to break a person is to destroy who and what they are instead of quideing that wildness that spirit that makes  them what your attracted to in first place.

A state which dwarfs its men, in order that they may be more docile instruments in its hands-even for beneficial purposes-- will find that with small men no great thing can really be accomplished.      quote by John Stuart Mill

i dont possess the arogance to think i can complete someones life, that being said i do want to enhance the complete life of an amazeing man

just wanted to share a quote i truelly believe in and incorperate into my day to life and i think shares a bit about me ,,, only prommis what you can deliver and then deliver more then you prommised, im unsure you said the quote, i can not take credit for the words but its very much how i live my life

just have to say some more stuff, if you think for a second im the kind of woman that will fall at your feet because you have a dick , dont waist my time , any dick i want can be bought at store, your gender entitles you to nothing , being a true man however may get you what you desire. a dick does not make you a man . it makes you male how you act and how you treat others makes you a man

this is going to come off as bitchbalooza 2013 but i really dont give a shit at this point. im gonna say this once and then im done . i truelly understand that this site perhaps even this lifestyle draws , out scammers , fakes, golddiggers , and countless other idiots . trust is a huge issue her as people seem unable to speak the truth and present themselves thruthfully, doubt runs rampant here. that being said , not everyone here is a collosal asshole. i honost person has no problem proveing legitamisy , i am one of those people . you have doubt im the girl in the pic , understandable , i will prove it , no problem . what some people need to realalize is im a grown ass woman who does not need your money , i dont need anything material you have , if i want something i go to work and then i get payed and i buy it myself , there is nothing you have that i want or cant get myself , i will not ask for money , i will not take money when it is offered , and i have been offered. im not running a scam , i have not asked anyone for anything exsept to be honost with me . i been takeing care of me since i moved out my parents house at 18 , i dont need anyones material things . have i made myself clear ? you think im a fake , your fucking loss and dont waist my time , your a fake , dont waist my time , you think for nano second i need you for anything think again . think im gonna do a hook up , hell no, i can fuck myself if thats all i wanted , so dont waist my time. read the profile if you cant read or are to lazy to read , dont waist my time . i may be a former domme that has decided to walk a new path to submission but im not dumb, not a doormat, and not to be disrespected, come correct or dont waist my time . if you think im gonna be your jerk off material fucking think again and dont waist my time . hope i have made myself clear . bitchbalooza 2013 has been completed

why is when someone thinks you have lied about who you are and what you look like and you offer that person proof through a video call or whatever form of proof they want do they not take a person up on the offer, i have been accused of being false by a few people , i offered proof , some took that offer and through video chat they saw im who i say i am , others did not and just kept with aqusations, why when its so easy to provide proof would a person with doubt not take up the offer the aqused is giveing

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. they are perfect messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love .

for me the real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead

A WOMAN SHOULD SOFTEN BUT NOT WEAKEN A MAN,,, SIGMUND FREUD.

All it take to fall in love with the wrong person is the wrong person saying all the right things. ,,,,,,, a trap i have fallen into myself a few times and am now quite determined to not have happen again. talk is cheap , actions are what i seek, what you do means more then what you say . say what you mean , mean what you say and back that up with action, i believe in this and i follow this and i just as anyone else should not settle for less

love is giving someone the power to destroy you..... but trusting them not to,,,,, that for me states a clear description of the bdsm lovestyle ,for thats what it is a lovestyle that runs through the lifestyle two people or more if so desired have.

AND THOUGH SHE MAY BE BUT SMALL, SHE IS FIERCE.--------------SHAKESPEARE. enough said in one small quote

its been awhile since I wrote anything here because it seemed to me I had nothing good to say and just had complaints. but after a rocky start here on cm , I can say I have finally met some pretty special people, been given sound and sane advice and feel I have made some steps in discovering more about myself, there are some well hidden gentleman who are wicked ssssmmmaaatttttt .I guess the best advice I can give anyone or to myself is to stay true to who you are and be honest with yourself so you can be honest with the people you talk to, have a sense of humor because some people are just batshit crazy and enjoy the journey. best wishes to all

if you are a sub and wish to tempt me back into being a Domme, please do not. im flattered but im on a different path and can not be so tempted so you are waisting your time and mine. I truly hope you find what you desire and respect my search for what I desire.

i do not have yahoo , had it, dont like it.

i didnt write my profile trying to come off as a challenge or great conquest to attract Doms. i wrote what i wrote because its the truth . sircemstances in my life had made it impossible to be submissive , situations forced me to be what im not. i just want be what i was born to be and what i feel inside . yes i still have a hard time understanding how to let go and trust another enough to do so. the point is i am makeing the steps and i have admit to myself what i am . I in no way want to be a challenge, i want this to come easy and be quick to do as bid and to embrasse it but in reality i know it wont and i simply want to be honost with anyone who reads my profile. perhaps a Dom does not want someone that cant help how she is at this time and has no sub exspierence , perhaps desires a ready made submissive. thats fine and im not the one they want then and im not waisting there time or mine. If im not what your looking for then keep your negative opinions to yourself. if you dont like what i have to say, how i feel , or what my opinions are , then its real easy and skip me over, if you think im fat, ugly, or fake then dont message me. peoples negative opinions and harsh judgements are really not nessesary to pass on to a person you have no interest in , doing that makes you look like an idiot seeking attention or trying to pick a fight with a total stranger.

i just want to say that im not into the lifestyle partys, or being public beyond this site, once i have found my match i will no longer have need to be a part of this site. for me this site is a means to an end. it serves as a way to find what i desire and once that desire is found i have no intention of remaining a member on this site . my lovestyle and my submission will be between myself and my Dom .

i saw this and found the words to hold great meaning for me, they are not my words . but they are my thoughts,,,,,,,,,,,IN THAT MOMENT HE NEEDED TO CONSUME HER,TO FILL HER,TO MARK HER AS HIS OWN... JUST AS SHE NEEDED TO OPEN HERSELF TO HIM , TO BE DESIRED, TAKEN , OWNED BY HIM

physical attraction sadly does matter. Yes of course this lovestyle goes much deeper then the physical appearence of a person but in all honosty the phyisical attraction matters too. I dont want to come off as shallow because i know its the heart and soul that is more important the trust and respect two people have for each other ,but if people are truely honost with themselves they will admit the physical is important too. I know that half if not more then half of the mail i recieve i would not receive if i had  less attractive looks. I by no means think im a great beauty but i try very hard to keep in shape and look the best i can. I realize this seems shallow but im often cussed out when i politely inform a person im not interested . Honestly sometimes my lack of interest is because im not physically attracted. im sure many are not attracted to me and i take no offence to that. Im saying this only because its the truth, and its the truth i think alot of people dont want to admit to themselves. nothing a person has to offer matters if physical attraction is not there for both people

You dont know how strong you are untill you are given no other choice

why would a true Dom want anything less then an alpha female who by day and in life is dominent untell she gets home to be at the feet of her Dom. a Dom in my opinion is a complex man with intellegence that needs stimulation, a doormat of a woman can not stimulate him. a strong woman willing to submit to him is for him more exciteing, more satisfying, and feeds the ego and his pride.

i dont believe i have ever acused a person of being outright fake or full of bullshit since i joined this site a couple months back. i have heard from people that there are alot of false people proweling the site. this makes it somewhat understandable that people are skeptic. what is not understandable is a person leaveing a message that states that without any interaction with the person they are messageing. before making an ass of yourself with such stupidity as to form a snap judgement before even talkining to a person, get some balls, be a grown up and get to know someone before asumeing that they are false

i may have been wrong about myself, i have serious doubt about me haveing the ability to become submissive . through speaking with different people , i just cant picture it happeing in a complete way. i truelly hope i can but doubt has set in and made a nice little home in my mind .

someone said to me on this site , that its not a lifestyle but a lovestyle and that pretty much said it all to me, this is a style of love. deeper, aqnd more emoitonal, and requires absolute trust beyond what the vanilla couples can comprehend. so let me be clear. im not a weekend toy, im not a one time hit and quit girl. i will hold the gifts i have to offer till i find the right Dom

im in no way trying to be rude or come off shallow but i provide a selection of photos for anyone interested in me to see, im sorry but i think its in our nature to want to see how a person looks when we are speaking to them. looks are not everything and not the most important thing . but after time a few chats i too want to see the person im talking to.  , and half of you would not contact me if you didnt know what i looked like

why does this have to be so hard ? i consider myself a patient person, i believe anything worth haveing is worth the work and wait . maybe my self discovering and comeing to realize what i want has made me impatient . like a spoiled child that complains when they cant have what they want. but i have yet to exspierence that wich i crave so much, so how can i be spoiled on it ? im beyond driven to find what i feel i need. yet im falling short more often then not. its becomeing a desperation . to finially realize after years what you are ment for and to find a way to fullfill it , the right hand to guide you, to know what you seek ,what you need, what makes you whole , and to know it in your heart and soul and to be unable to have it , to begin the journey , the learning , to find your match is worse then liveing the lie i have my whole life

it has been brought to my attention that i should clarify my previous journal entry, concerning the DaddyDom. i have no interest in dressing as a young girl , playing the role of a child. i understand there are various defenitions in the world of BDSM and people interpret things differently. perhaps my interepration is incorrect . i simply feel at this time i also need an understanding, patiant Dom that not only has a firm hand but offers the comfort and protection as well . i know a hard core sadist is not my desire as well. its a learning process and im trying to learn all i can in order to place myself in proper hands

did a bit more research into myself and have come to the conclusion that a Daddydom has become an appealing thought to me.i like the idea of a Dom offering comfort when needed, rewards when his sub or little one has been good, loveing the woman, desireing the slut and careing for the little girl . the more i learn about myself through asking questions , reflecting back onto myself , the more this becomes appealing,

desided to take some time away from the site to focus on a few things , enjoy the weekend everyone

this is without question going to come off bitchy ,,,,, dont think because you have given yourself the title of Dom you can talk to me any kind of way, i will not be pushed, i will not kiss your ass , i will treat you as you treat me , you come at me like a rude pig dont get all pissy when i dont respond. i will be pushed by one man, i will kiss the ass of one man and that will be the man who earns my submission , its a gift , it has value and worth and things of value and worth you dont get by being an asshole. call me a bitch in a message a cunt, a whore , slut, i will depending on my mood have plenty of my own names to call you or simply not respond, a gentleman would never do that, he does not asume he can call you that unless collared by him. its rude its simple minded and again only one man will call me those words at his chooseing and that will be when he has my submission. the title of Dom is earned, to be one takes great skill and intelligence as well as class and taste , many people on this site need some serious schooling in the art of domination

why is it so many people are so easily angered by rejection on this site, that is life. i find if i dont answer a message im being called a rude cunt and if i do and reply nicely but state i have no interest and good luck in your search im being bombarded with messages from the same person. this makes no sence, im fucked if i do im fucked if i dont. damn near dont want to open messages. wish people would grow up. thought this was an adult site were people could connect to fill desires , talk to like minded people and learn from each other. quess i was way of the mark on that

i hope this does not come off bitchy, but for the people who have a profile that states[ if you want to know something ask] and thats it. its your choise of course to do that but for me it screams lazyness or appathy. if you cant take the time to at least post your likes or disllikes or say something informative about yourself how do you think a sub view that? if you dont have the grace or time to write a few words then you may not have the grace and time to put into your sub.how a person is presented on a site like this speaks volumes to those who care about the true lifestyle. subs/ slaves what have you require care, time, understanding, just to mention a few things and if you come off as lazy or as if you have no class , i for one am not interested. this is my opinion and i mean no disrespect to anyone

i have to wonder whats wrong with people who spam other people simply out of a sick sence of revenge for a rejection. im polite, im honest , and i try to respond to all messages, just like anyone else some folks for whatever reason are not my taste, i repectfully inform those people with a thank you for your interest but im not interested , or i give the reason, such as because your a female and my interest in not in females, some people need to grow up and just understand some people are not interested , what happen to maners and curtesy and live and let live way of thinking, i for one have no desire to spam anyone or prevent them from this site. i have not been spamed yet but been given the threat simply because my interest is different from anothers. that is childish on so many levels.

just in from work, the mind has been much distracted lately. lost some focus. lesson has been learned in a few areas, i know simply that i will be takeing my time in this search, slowing down. i know my value , my worth , and im not going to settle for less then what i deserve

as i look through the profiles i often question why so much nudety? Yes a profile with a truthfull photo of ones appereance is nice to see, but to allow everyone to see that wich either does or will belong to someone else is simply incorrect, as a domme i would have been angered to discover my pets naked form on a public site unless given permission to do so . as a new sub my body even pictures of it are my doms property. i have seen very beautifull nudes that reveal nothing private done with shadow or showing all but the genitalia, those type are artistic and lovely , for the ladies i adore my sisters each of you are devine but you may attract not what you seek by posting a trashy picture. a dom is a gentleman first possessing class and taste and his sub should reflect that. just my opinion ,

i have found from reading profiles and journals and comments left to me that plenty of men on here just dont get, there is a huge difference between a dominant man and a woman beater, the dom male is at the highest point and the woman beater is at the lowest. the dom male is confident, intellegent, loveing, careing , he is a teacher and protector and the woman beater is nothing but a weak, insecure man threatend by women . Know the difference .