Update Apr 17, 2023. 5 years since my last entry! Amazing. That old update was rejected, and I still do not understand why, but I am trying again. 

Update Apr 3, 2018 For those kind DomsDommes still interested, Im still stable, but constantly tired. Working my way into a groove, I suppose.

Update Jan. 1, 2018 Hi, yall, and HNY! My guard docs grudgingly granted me a sip of rum tonight! (So I sneaked in two more.) Im feeling a welcome and well-deserved lil buzz tonight. Some say Im medically stable, but really its just a welcome pause - nature will hit the dreaded resume button at some point. I am still processing that submissive (slave?) self within me, and what that means. Is she really dead, or did she just know to leave and let me focus on whats going on with my body? Shell probably not tell me until the end, but thats ok - I just love her to death! (Yes, I see what I did there.) I am still seeing the occasional message from some of You wonderful, caring DomsDommes out there. Its not likely I will respond, except here, in my profile. Its just that that subslave girl is, at best, sleeping. But I still treasure the time we had online.

Update Oct 1, 2017 This is Sylvia with a guarded update on Annas current state. She is undergoing multiple therapies and treatments that have ravaged her body, mind, and spirit. I asked her yesterday about this profile. Her precise response was I give ZERO fucks about all that. Burn it! I gently convinced her to allow me to send out this update, as she continues to receive messages here from caring BDSMers asking about her condition. (If you are sending messages to her other email address, note that she is not physically able to read them, and I do not have access to it.) Anna has expressly forbidden me from giving out more ination about her condition.

Update 8-05-2017 My medical recovery is not assured, and my submissive desires seem to be dead or (fingers crossed) hibernating. To the few wonderful Doms Ive been in contact with, I urge you to move on. I (and Miss Sylvia) will still sniff around here occasionally, she perhaps out of curiosity, me out of nostalgia. But theres really no longer anything to see here, folks. Best move along. xoxo.

Update 7-20-2017 Not doing well. Please, no well wishing. Thanks.

Update 6-21-2017 I have been hit with an out-of-the-blue medical issue, so Im taking an extended time-out from CollarSpace.

Update 3-22-2017 I just committed to taking a huge change in my work life, and its going to take monstrous amounts of time for the next few months. (But it pays SO well!) For all you lovely Doms and Domme who have engaged me, taught me, Dommed me - Icuntikitslut will not be available as much as I submit to my vanilla world employers needs and demands for awhile. Ill try to explain more later, if I have time.



Original Profile - Feb 23, 2017 -

Im somewhere between bewildered and terrified about this. Ive been vanilla, but Im changing. Almost zero experience. Ive been reading journals profiles here for several months. Finally got the nerve to sign up. I think I need a competent, experienced Dom (or Domme?) to show me the ropes. And the paddles and floggers. And, and ...

Ive been asked several times what Im seeking in this lifestyle. To be precise, I say Im seeking My True Self, and that journey has (so far) taken me to BDSM. Whether this is a destination or a way-stop is impossible to say. Right now, I hope its a destination.

Im not married, no kids. I used to think I was only into Men, but my eye has been straying to other Women lately. I just want someone to take control. Well, I think thats what I want. Im a confused mess.

I was blocking any thoughts of kink from as long as I can remember, because I couldnt make sense of them. Then about in 2010 a guy had me watch a classy BDSM film in French - no subtitles. Thats when things started to make sense, if thats the right term. Im only in the past year starting to accept my yearnings. (Update that was a 1975 film called The Image or alternatively Punishment of Anne. I just found a bootleg copy dubbed into English. After 7 years, I can finally understand the dialogue.)Ok, apparently I need to put this part in bold type It will probably be a long while before Im ready to expose myself by photos, meetings, etc. I know that my refusal will result in pointed fingers and calls of Fake! Meh, Im good with that.

If you presume to bark orders and commands in your first message, youre going to get blocked. (Well, except regarding how you would like me to address you and myself in correspondence. Im generally happy to oblige.) Second, if you send a generic, one-line (or four-line) message, I consider it to be spam, and I will report it as such. Some folk believe that every message deserves a response. I am not among them. Also, for now I need to stick to communicating only by CS email - no chats, external email, Skype, kik, etc.

Unless you explicitly say otherwise in your profile, I feel its improper for a sub to send the first message. Its part of an old-fashioned value system I may need to change. I apologize.

Apparently I need to add this I cannot currently relocate, but will most certainly do so in a few years.

I lost - drove away - another Dom tonight. I can and do offer my deep self when I trust you, but I see a pattern. A Dom naturally wants more, wants proof, wants that secret I hide. And when I decline, then refuse, the Dom rejects me. I actually do get that - if I were a Dom I might do the same. So I suppose this is a caveat. I cannot be cajoled far.

If youve gotten this far, perhaps youll keep going, reading my journal entries. I hope so, and I think youll enjoy them more if you read them in order - earliest to latest. I know its a pain to click through, back to the first ones I wrote, but I think youll enjoy them - my brief journey - more that way. Thanks for reading, and best to you all!!