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I have not lost a person close to me since my dad died 16 years ago. until today. My best friend for nearly 30 years passed away in his sleep. We were the perfect couple and living proof that men and women can love each other without sexual attraction.
My life has forever changed. It was always okay when I did not have a love in my life. He was my go to, always there date for anything. The way I live my life, and things I will do in the future is altered. I have no stand by, There is no more spur of the moment trips to NOLA, no more of our yearly rituals. We didn't even drive around to see who has Christmas lights still up. My heart hurts now for selfish reasons. It is for what I have lost and what has changed. Is that wrong? |
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Oh its finally over. The beginning is anyway. I'm still scared to believe it. It's going to be a rough few months but I have no doubt that life is going to be good. We are going to have a great life. |
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Every year I have the highest expectations for New Years Eve. Some years things come close to living up and some years I am just sorely disappointed This year was THE year! Things were as good as they possibly could be. Honey's job worked out so he was home before lunch and spent the day frolicking around. We cooked a great meal together for My mom, daughter, her boyfriend and the baby boy. We got a lot of alone time, watched a movie and watched the ball drop in NYC. I got my kiss at midnight and then some early morning adult fun. Thankfully I have the pictures to remember it by.
We were not sure it was going to work out early this week. After what he did I don't see how I can doubt his feelings for me. Anytime I ever doubt again I will think back to this New Year of the decade.
I do love that kinky perverted man of mine! |
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Experienced the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Orpheum in Memphis this weekend. Came away with great costume ideas.. It was a girls night. all of us only child cousins. One of us had a man who worried the hell out of her calling or having HIS kids to. The other 3 of us had a blast. It really made me appreciate daddy. He said later he knew I was out with my cousins having a great night, not doing anything wrong and he didn't need to call me all night. I didn't get an incredible amount of time with him this weekend but we made good out of the time we had. The past couple of weeks he has been making me feel more like WHEN rather than IF. and it has a large bearing on my life. He passed the cousin test. two of them met him Friday. He seemed glad they liked him...
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what difference a day makes. I get thru these days remembering that so many times you take out your frustrations on those you care about and the ones you know you can and they will still be there for you, still love you, support you, and always be on your side not against .
I choose to be the one who gets the bad attitude and bad moods rather than be the one who can't be trusted to hear them for fear of argument and rejection. It's the relationships built out of sharing the good and the bad that are the deepest with the best chance of survival
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Damned a good shower, watching my cat play, and my grandson loving on me. My mood has done a 180. I feel fantastic now. Note to self do not forget your drugs for 3 days during the recycle period. It makes your life suck....LOL
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one of those days where it seems everyone is chilaxing but me. Yes, it is feel sorry for baby girl day. Everyone is with their significant other enjoying themselves either at a movie, dinner, out with friends, or even just happy alone spending quite time together. I keep reminding myself that my reality is my own fault but it doesn't help, not really. My mother said something yesterday that got under my skin mainly because it hurts when people point out the obvious to you and it's just got me feeling sorry for myself and just wanting what other people have.
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the rest of the week has been better. Daddy for two days! I like it. He's just been doing whatever it is that makes me feel great! I love that man...
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What an awful two days it's been. home, work, everything. This afternoon it all seemed better. Those big strong arms wrapped all around me, those lips on mine, it all just let me know it's all going to be okay. The little things even, just like him telling me today he doesn't like it when I am upset or feel bad. He showed a genuine sense of caring the past few days. Being with him just makes things seem so much better.
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boy was daddy ever in for a shock and surprise this morning. He asked and he received. Bet he's careful what he asks for in the future because I think if Daddy wants it Daddy should have it. For a bit I think I may have went overboard. He was impressed that I have practiced my rope skills though. We experienced some firsts today also for both of us. I should be a good girl and let him write what he wants to tell. He could tell by feeling that I did enjoy being a bitch nurse this morning. I could tell from the cum oozing from him that he liked it too. We cooked a pretty damned good breakfast and took a nap then it was off to work for him. All and all I give this day an A+.
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the day arrived. we spent some quality time together. After a week apart it was nice. He hugs, kisses and pets on me so good. I would almost think he missed seeing me. Does anyone know many 50 yr old men who can have 3 orgasms in and hour.. total of 5 for the day. He does have stamina.
The day was almost perfect. and like I said ...at the end of the day it's still me and him together. He has been warned now that the year is over so are the monthly easy out clauses. He is stuck with me now regardless...Do you really understand that baby? You had 12 chances to back out and you didn't take them. No more chances. LOL
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This could have been a bad week, but instead it turned out better than I would have expected. Still hard for me to believe when he's out on the road we still average talking to each other about 4 hours a day. Right now I am sure ATT is not loving us. Sunday is 365 days. They haven't all been perfect days but at the end of each and every one of those days we have still been together with our issues for the day resolved.
He's a good man and I am ready to make him all mine!
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time for a few updates I guess. Since March the quantity of our sex life has decreased we are only averaging sex a little over 30% of the month. Must be the summer months. The quality is still great though. I would say this week is probably one of the most difficult ones we have faced. But it is going way better than I expected. He has made it easier. It's hard to believe this weekend will be one year we've been together. I am just hanging on and counting the days until Sunday... I miss my honey!
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interesting week it's been. I have either been PMSing or having mood swings who the hell knows. the thing is this... things that have really bothered me the past couple of days doesn't bother me at all today. Things seem so different today. i still want and need all the same things as I did but today I don't feel like the entire world is against me and I believe I am loved more than I realize!
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plans last night didn't pan out but in the long run it made things better today. There is so much going on in my head that I believe it is swelled. Time today was nice and relaxed.
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What a great holiday weekend. I knew daddy had to leave out Saturday so I only expected to see him for just a few minutes. Did I ever get a nice surprise when not only did I get to lay and sleep with him but we had that ever great early morning sex. It's what we like the best. He knows how I feel about holiday sex. We had our own fireworks July 4th. Neither of us can remember the last time the bed was soaked like it was Sunday morning. It turns him on so damned much. He sure has been plagued by trouble this week at work. I sure hope when he gets home this week that we can unwind him with some stress relieving activities.
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We had a fun night Wednesday . I enjoyed every part of it. I was tired and exhausted all day Thursday. It was worth it.
The way he fell asleep with his hand on my face was soooooooooooo Oh I don't know how to describe it but I loved it.
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I've been feeling loved this week. Daddy had a treat for me when he got home Thursday. I was drunk from the pleasure. He knows how to do that to me. I had a bad work week. He is an amazing listener and gave me the perfect advice to solve the problem. There's just too much to talk about but he has been great. Even this morning he is acting like that man I met nearly a year ago. That man makes me happy.
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I am missing my honey today. Really hoping he makes it in tonight. Bless him, he is trying hard. He knows how much I am missing him. In his own way he appears to be giving me the attention I need. I want to believe he is. It's hard to retrain a man but I am working on it. ha ha
UPDATE=11pm he is still 2hrs from home trying to get unloaded. He did all he could. I can't even remember the last time I was with him. Maybe last Sunday as in it's been a week and 1/2. It's never been so long before.
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Everyone says life changes in the blink of an eye but no one ever tells you that life changes just as quickly by other things as well. The smallest of things can change your life drastic ways. I believe we all carry some hurt in our lives we don't discuss because we can't handle the results of bringing it up. We think people should know that things they do or more often don't do hurt us in ways that we will never mention but can't ever forget. Sometimes it's a moment that can never be recaptured such as a first kiss, a first birthday, a first night together, a first valentines day. People always remember their "first" events.
I, like most, have a catalog of many good ones and some horrific ones over the years.
Honey and I have been together almost a year. We have had many firsts. Typical male he is I wonder what he remembers about most of them......
Tomorrow is father's day and while I will not be sharing it with him, one thing I have learned this year is that he is a good father. We have no disagreements on children. I know his children love him ALMOST as much as I do.
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heart to man talk with honey this afternoon. He knows I have to vent every so often and he is good to listen. love ya for that baby. Been missing you this week even though I've seen you.. happens like that sometimes.
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heart to man talk with honey this afternoon. He knows I have to vent every so often and he is good to listen. love ya for that baby. Been missing you this week even though I've seen you.. happens like that sometimes.
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People never cease to surprise me. I received an email last week from a couples profile asking me if I would be interested in them. I replied that I would not be but I appreciated them writing. They are the ones who wrote the fat and ugly comments.
You all know there is only a picture of my legs and ass posted but they have given me a good laugh because I can see where they keep looking at my profile, even today as a matter of fact.
There is more to this than meets the eye. I feel someone is not who one claims to be.
But hey, if I'm giving you a thrill it works for me.
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finally time with Daddy last night. He was in a great mood he hasn't been in for a while. but today I get to hear everything that lets me know that it's doubtful I'll ever have what I want. How much is a girl supposed to endure?
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home.. 2 scary experiences 30 miles from home. The passengers slept for most of 7 hours i had no one to talk to. Can we say it was a fun trip? not really. I hope things are looking better for tonight.
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finally a little free time to get online. I did get to talk to honey a few times today and share all my good news with him. He is home tonight and gets to farm tomorrow. That usually takes his stress away. I have been so homesick on this trip even though I would not have seen him tonight if I had been home. I hope I was supportive enough tonight for him even though I was whinning about my own stuff.
Weekends---when the fantasy is over and real live begins. |
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daddy had a sleep study last night. This morning he came over and helped cook breakfast. He makes a delicious omelet. Salem(new cat I got from daddy) bit him.. I guess when you lie in bed naked and pet on a kitten it thinks nipples are fair game. I have never seen a cat bite a man's nipples. It was so damned funny.
I was allowed to play princess this morning. I have never seen so much cum come from a man by just flogging his ass. It could have been the prostate play but I think the flogging did the trick. Daddy laughed because I was playing with his cum. The clear liquid part of it is sticky and stringy sorta like astroglide. We had to have all the enjoyment we could today since I am going to be gone a few days..
And to the person who wrote to insult me yesterday by saying "if I was a fat ugly bitch like you I would take all the scraps I could get" if that is really you in the picture in your profile..which I highly doubt because of the lack of clarity in the picture, do you have a mirrors in your house?
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After a difficult work week I had some quality time with daddy last night. The unexpected surprise was that we had more time together than I thought we would considering all he has on his plate to do today. I felt a good closeness to him. Those days when we first met and we would just lie in bed at talk seem so few nowadays. We seemed to recapture some of that last night. It's not the amount of time that you spend with me as much as what you do with the time you do spend with me. Last night just like last weekend, you made the most of it!...Update... tonight you really made me very very happy..
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daddy was sure good to his babygirl today. He brought me Louisiana crawfish to work. What a good lunch I had today! I have talked endless with him today. I can't say that we have talked about much at all but it's been great all the same.
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daddy came for dinner. I love cooking for him because he will either brag on my cooking or give me pointers on how it could be better. He did make the slaw and potato salad, two things I don't really eat but I love his. He brought my new kitty cat with him. We have named him Salem. He is such an adorable little thing. We did have time to have some hot fun while he was here and the food was cooking. The way he kissed me while we were lying on my bed watching tv was totally fucking hot! I am very happy with the quality of time we had together this weekend. It was very much needed. But back to the real world.. for a while.
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i didn't know what to expect yesterday. I just knew it was going to be a different adventure. As it turned out daddy cooked a delicious meal and we had fun while it cooked. That's the kind of thing I live for. There is something to be said for private back yards. He good a good opportunity to show me he had some genuine affection for me and I wasn't disappointed.
He was the good patient while I played nurse last night too. He seemed please with the costume. Probably the garters he liked the most....
We had our normal routine this morning.
Hopefully the fun's not over. Guess who's coming for dinner?
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i am ready to see what today brings. I am excited about the quantity of fun. It's the quality of time in general that I am curious about. Will I feel all those things that women want?
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This has been a great week thus far. Honey took on a project that was exciting to me and I offered my help. He may have wanted to decline at first but I used my customer service skills and persuasion skills to convince him that my help is good. How could he say no to me?. If we get this done and everything turns out like we hope I will be one excited girl. Daddy says working on this has been better than sex.. I would not exactly go that far but it has been fun working on something meaningful to him. I love feeling useful and this week I have been.
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he was running late for his trip yesterday so I was very happy and surprised when a quick kiss bye turned into way more. It was good. but still our time lately has been random.
I am so in need of some emotional spiritual connection.
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While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man
wishing he could speak softly in her ear... While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND
and INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how
wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he
could make love to her. While you make your women CRY there's a man
stealing smiles from her...
This was posted on Facebook. I reposted it here to remind every sub male and female that being submissive is no excuse to accept true abusive behavior!
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tonight as I have talked on and off to my honey, it really sinks in how tough his job is but how good he is at it. Just know baby when you read this that I really do think you are great! I'll always be here. I love the way we can bounce ideas off of each other. I love how you are dependable. I love that you can talk to me about any thing and vice versa.
I love how when things happen like with the phone call today, we come together instead of apart to figure out a solution. I can count on you and you can count on me. That's what its all about.
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last night and today was the most time we've had together in a while. A little kink for one and all......... He gave me a surprise that I love. I do love a surprise! We cooked a great breakfast then it was right back to work for him.
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so the conversation today is when I tell you it's okay to go home without seeing me because you have a lot to do I don't really mean it. I mean.. come on... he should know me like that and he did so we did. ha ha. Hell.. it wasn't much time but it was enough for today....
He made up for it when he says this and that is stressing me "and I don't have enough time for you"
Hell yeah baby! at least you are thinking about it.. I like it.. at least I know your feelings for me are not like Slicks dick.....
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saw honey today. We don't spend enough time together like we did today where we can just sit and talk. I had a rough night last night but he was really good to me about it. I know I must make him insane sometimes.
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went out with friends last night and had a great time. Saw the trouble maker but she didn't say anything. Of course she has proven herself to be the kind to do things in secret instead of to your face. We'll see if anything new happens.
On another note. I've noticed honey never reads my journal anymore because he never signs on. Is this a good sign or a bad. Hard to believe he has just stopped "shopping" cold turkey....
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Had a good night last night. Hard to believe it has been 9 months already. Time flies. I am going to hang out with an old friend today. I hope it's fun. I would rather be with my honey though. It's tough sometimes and I just wonder.............
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with my honey last night. We had some serious intense love making. Those few days before I recycle are the days he loves sex the most. He said this morning he believed I would start soon because my uterus was swollen. When I say he knows me inside out I mean it! We went to sleep with his legs and arms all wrapped around me. As afraid of storms as I am, last night with storms all around I was not afraid at all. I trust him completely to take care of me and keep me safe.
I believe him when he says he loves me.
Finally meds for the crying spells. I have had a decent couple of weeks but tonight I am missing him so bad and I don't know why. I have talked to him a few times today. A friend died unexpected this morning and that has thrown my positive thinking into a tailspin. When I focus and get it back it's all okay again. FOCUS as my baby would say... Fuck Off Cuz Ur Stupid..
I love it!
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I went to the gyno today and as he is doing the exam he tells me that I should not be lying in the tanning bed. I am thinking I know, I know, skin cancer.. but no.. that's not it. He says he has treated 3 cases of herpes that were caught from lying in the tanning bed. Who knew?
Other than that it was lunch with daddy and a whole lot of loving before he had to turn right back around and leave again. Oh how good he is.. I feel lately like he's the man I first met. Loving it!
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A short but sweet visit today at work from the man himself. It was nice.
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I had to admit to honey that I made a fool of myself. It's funny because it probably will not be the last time. I had rather have done that than to have just sit back and do nothing.
I have a lot of insight when it comes to people and what they are capable of but even I can't predict the future. What I can do is everything in my power within reason to make the future happen my way. I have a strong will more so lately than I have ever known. So yes a submissive woman can have an ironclad inner will!
Just because I play princess with Daddy doesn't make me any less than what I am. It makes me a woman who will do anything to make her man happy and satisfied.
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my uncle said it best . I asked him if he ever went out with friends. He said "I don't have friends, they are too much trouble and want you do to stuff" In a way I agree with him. My best friend is male and he was just really mean to me today. Honey doesn't take sides but he agrees that our friendship has become a little one sided.
I wish I had something really interesting to write but last night with honey was just a good night, nothing kinky just us.Nothing is any better for me that falling asleep in his arms. and waking up that way too. It just wasn't long enough, it never is... not for me anyway. That would be why he calls me a greedy slut. ha ha
Now all I want to do is sleep the rest of the weekend away.
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not much exciting this week. I have had a positive attitude that has lasted and kept me going. All I have done is create my own little ritual and it works for me. I wish I could say there have been no times of doubt but they are fewer and far between. I am treating this relationship like I treat getting a good parking place. I just know I am going to get it. LOL.... Pure shear will and determination go a long ways
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honey came over for supper Monday night. He said he liked my cooking. He really seems to appreciate the effort I make which makes me want to do even more to make him happy. I liked what I got after supper. Snuggling with him and being wrapped up in his arms is what I love!
I do all I can not to question or think about our future. I have done much better since I have just put it out of my mind and decided not to worry.
I have no doubt that I can keep him happy and if things don't change then there is no doubt I will be the one who does make him happy!
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The trip to Little Rock was fun. My legs still ache from all the walking. I managed to talk to honey for a while also. He let me take the GPS along for the ride and omg.. I loved her. She took me everywhere I needed to go. That's what I call daddy taking care of his baby.
Anyway, we managed to get in some quality time before he left for LA today. He treated me unexplainable differently today in a great way. He treated me "all about me" today. I felt loved and appreciated.
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A personal thank you note to the powers that be at my honey's work and the traffic flow around B'ham and Montgomery. Thank you for ruining his good mood which in turn changes our plans for the night. We've had a pretty good week though and I can't complain. We know how to alter our plans. Since the day we have met there has always been a plan B. I hate seeing him frustrated like he is tonight. Maybe while I am out of town this weekend he will get to have some fun and de-stress and we can have some fun Sunday. Well We WILL have fun Sunday!
Tonight didn't turn out half bad either! He loved and kissed on me for a few minutes AND let me use Matilda.
I am not going to have any negative thoughts about what he is doing at home with no kids.. Especially since I know it would be much better with me.
. I refuse to ruin my good mood. hehhehhe
Damned I love that man!
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a little added bonus... lunch together today. and we've talked most all day. I have had a better day today than I have had in a couple of weeks. Obviously I have scary thoughts going thru my head. He has known since we met about my insecurities. Everyday I wonder if this will be the day that he really gives it a go. I wonder if he secretly hopes I will find someone? I wonder if he really wants me? I deal with this every minute of everyday.
I trust him, but not even he is sure what the future holds. All I know is is he touched a held me last night like he hasn't in a while. I felt so wanted and loved.
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Last night was some much needed time with honey. For a while we were able to not talk about the problems, the past, or the future. It was just us, me and him, right then right there. We went to dinner and he had sushi and I crab legs. How can you go wrong with that? I went to sleep all wrapped up in his arms last night, right where I belong, and woke up the same way this morning and everything was as it should be.
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life is taking a interesting turn. In talking with someone new I was asked some tough questions and given some tough information. Some was painful to hear but necessary.
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Honey and I are on the phone talking now. It is agreed that I should look for someone who can fulfill my needs. I have his blessing and it's just best for all involved. It will ease his conscious if I can be happy with someone All I ever want is to make him happy. I don't want anyone to think I am doing anything behind his back. It's not that way. This is just reality lesson number 210. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we hoped.
He is going to update his profile and journal when he gets home to reflect what I have just said
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had some much needed time today with honey. He's on his way to IL and hopefully will be home Wednesday. Friendship is the basis of our relationship and maybe when our time is through we will be friends. Relationships evolve. Maybe ours is going around in a circle. In so many ways I believe he wants to be with me. But he needs to be at home and I respect that too.
He knew when he met me I was looking for a relationship and accepted it. I knew he was married and accepted that. We knew the time might come that we would have to end what we have. Neither of us seem to know how to do it. I love him being a part of my life.
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I am being put through one of the hardest tests of my life today. I sat at the cemetery for I don't know how long today at my dad's grave. It was dark before I knew it. Normally that's where I go to get my answers. I feel like he is with me and going to still take care of his baby girl. I often wonder if my decisions disappoint him. I don't think so. It helps. I am just so in control of my life and I have let it get to point where I feel more like a marionette. It is difficult for me to deal with. I feel as if I will be stronger in the end. There are so many scenarios in my head right now and someone is hurting in all of them.
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My honey.. oh my heart is with him tonight. I had to put myself in friendship mode. strong mode, the one who is holding it together as my heart aches. I believe a good woman is one who is her partner's biggest supporter, the one he can always count on to be on his side. When the whole world is falling apart he needs to know she is there for him. He can count on her!
I love you baby and I hope you know I will be what you need of me right now.
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somehow it worked. spent a very few minutes live and in person with daddy himself tonight. I don't think he realizes how important those few minutes are to me. He's off again tomorrow. I am hoping for the best to see him Friday when he gets home!
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Tuesday night here and who knows when I'll see honey again. He's trying to get home from NJ and it looks like the way it's gonna work is he will be in when I am at work and probably gone again when I am still at work.
I hate these weeks when I have the blues. It's nothing he does or nothing he doesn't do. It's me. I so much want to be everything in his life and I am not right now. It's going to be fine though. I just know it is! |
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Well that great feeling was right. My grandson's dad called from Germany today and we realized he will be on leave during my grandson's kindergarten graduation. That was fantastic news.. Also saw honey today on his stomping grounds. We got the thrill today. He got to play fireman for a while too. That makes him feel good. I did some careful observation today and decided I like my fun loving happy spirit. Did I mention I get to see MY man tomorrow again before he leaves me for the week??
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Wednesday night and Thursday night we had some of the best conversations. I love just sitting here talking with him even if he is 700 miles away. I just felt so connected to him. He will be home so late that it's doubtful I will get to see him. I don't like it when it turns out this way. Funny but for some reason i am not even all worked up over it. I have had this gut wreching GREAT feeling all day today. It's like life is good and going to be better. Who knows.. and who questions.
The only thing is there has been this little nagging at me today that daddy is worried about something and he's not sharing it.
Life will be good and I can't wait to see him again! |
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Round two.. daddy made me pay the price for playing princess last night. Now his baby is the one with the red ass. We had a wonderful afternoon. He gave me all the attention one man could give a woman this afternoon. Again... the damned stamina he has.
It was over all too soon and daddy had to go to work but he left me one content and satisfied girlfriend. |
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Daddy let me play princess last night. I gave him a little more than he bargined for. Let's just say daddy was given a lesson in why women do the things they do. When he gets back he is going to post an entry about what he learned from his darling, loving, princess babygirl.
If all men were like my daddy then then there's no need for viagra or other male enhancing drugs. He has more stamina than I ever thought a man his age could have. He amazes me. Never has there been a man who snuggles so perfect and wraps his arms so perfect around me.
I feel so much love for him that it's hard to imagine. |
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Had a fabulous night with daddy last night. I have turned him on to something new he can't live without. I named it the Cosmo.. Daddy will have to write and tell you all about it.
I have decided I like 2am sex as much as 9pm sex. Hell I like it all as long as it's with him.
For the first time in I can't tell you how long, I cried the happy tears. It was great! |
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I am so ready to see my honey tonight. No, we still don't know where things are. We may never know. That's the way it's looking anyway. I talked to a friend on Friday who helped my feelings at little bit. She has called today to check on me. She made me feel ever better today. I have been doing a lot of reading today also. I guess you do what ever works when you are in shock, denial, and totally trying to forget a bad situation. LOL
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tough day today for us all. We kept busy doing our own thing. He in his garden and mom and I doing our thing. honey and I came up on an awful car accident this morning where all occupants died including an 8 months pregnant girl.
that's been on my mind all day today also
My favorite conversation of the day was
"yeah, I'm in it for the bondage and a lot of other reaons. I am kindly in love with you.,,,,,a lot. "
With that and my goodnight phone call I can survive the outcome and also be supportive of him now when he needs me the most! Being there for him is what is so damed important to me. |
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i may be dilusional but right now I don't think all hope is lost. Strangly I have a better understanding of my relationship with him than I ever have. nit picky things dont seem to bother me. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing I am not rejected I am the more compatible partner. But life duties get in the way sometime but they don't get in the way forever. That is giving me the hope and strength I need right now to get thru all this mess. |
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It's not official yet but it is probably safe to say my relationship with satanhimself is over.
Most reading my journal have probably figured out he is married. Someone from his past made a rude call to his wife at work and now he has to face the fact that 30 yrs of marriage even if she doesn't provide him all he needs is more important than his own happiness. His conscious will not let him leave only if she will not keep him and from what I gather she may not fulfill his needs but she doesn't want a divorce after 30 yrs of marriage either. Right now I am getting what I deserve. The question I have is why I am the only one being punished?
I am in agreement that if his marriage is strengthened by all this and he has the relationship he has always wanted with her then that is the best thing that could happen. I never set out to destroy a happy marriage anyway.
I will always think fondly of him and wish him the best. i will take this as my lesson learned.
But I am not giving up all hope yet.
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Our world came to a sudden halt this week. Vicious people got in our business. I have no idea where it goes from here. The obvious answer (me) isn't the easiest.
There is so much to consider in our lives. I love him with every fiber of being in my body. I could very well be without him forever. I could very well be with him forever. Things may not change at all. The not knowing is the worst part.
If I survive until Saturday it will only be by the grace of God. |
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I have decided that life goes thru cycles. Like for a couple of weeks when I have been with honey it's been as if he wasn't really there and then wham last night and today it's been like the man I first met. I guess it's the ebb and flow of relationships. I have a theory. Some random comment he made today brought the theory to mind.
I believe when things are good with other parts of his life then maybe he's not so interested in the kink I provide but when things are not so great there things are good with me. I haven't shared this all with him yet. He is gone for the week and I miss him already. |
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The past three nights I have been awoken in the middle of the night. I am hoping to sleep through the night tonight IF I can ever get to sleep. I would love to know what the hell the problem is? ha ha
Something just isn't right in the air tonight. I can put my finger on it but I just don't want to. Looks like a drug induced sleep tonight.
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We had a little fun this week. This has been one of the tamer weeks though. He came over Monday and we did some fine cooking together. He didn't get home again until Friday night. We squeezed maybe a couple of hours in. I enjoyed it. Sometimes it feels good just to lie next to him and be held. I'm not really sure what else I want to share here. i enjoy every single moment of time I have with him.
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AS A DISCLAIMER I DID NOT CAUSE THE FOOD POISONING THAT SATANHIMSELF IS REFERRING TO. I BELIEVE THAT WAS HIS OWN COOKING.
HE HAS BEEN TO TIRED AND SICK FOR ME THIS WEEKEND. JUST THE WAY THE DICED LAND SOMETIMES. HA HA
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Death... it's a hard subject but one we are all going to be faced with at sometime in our life. Those who have never lost a parent, child, sibling or life partner have been so blessed. It changes lives, the way we live them and the way we feel and think. It can be viewed in various ways. In one way it changes life, makes it different, but it doesn't have to make it worse. In the case of my elderly neighbor who died today. He has been suffering for weeks on end. His family is glad he is not suffering anymore. In my ex inlaws case when the husband died it was a joyous occassion for all around. He was a mean and hateful man. She finally found joy in life with him gone.
When I die I don't want people to be glad I am gone. I hope to live life in a way I will be missed greatly. I want to live each day in a way that I will have no regrets when I get old.. and I do plan to get very old. LOL.
Against all the odds of finding happiness at my age and despite not being young or beautiful I feel I have found happiness. Now to convience happiness I am right for him. |
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What is up with him and all the marathon sex this week? I like it.. i love it. Tonight though he said it would not be a repeat preformance of Wednesday.. Yeah.. whatever.. hehehe. It was a lot of fun. We packed a days worth of fun into a few hours. I am hoping for the same Sunday.
I am also learning little by little what is taboo and what is not when trying to converse. It seems I always learn the hard way though.
That is something that I should work on.
That did not put a damper on the quality time tonight though. I am already ready to see him again. |
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The day wasn't going to be was. I spent some good time with daddy. Come on. how many men his age can cum 3 times in an hour? He did it! Was it the belt that he beat my ass with for being an insolent bitch or the pantyhose he ripped away. I don't know what it was that turned him on but I liked it. As if that were not enough there was once more when we woke up this morning. Everygirl needs a man like I have.
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Daddy had a good weekend, even if it was without me ha ha. Yesterday almost didn't happen. He was out being a fireman. He was running so late that we were only going to have just a few minutes. Long enough for as he said "a kiss, a pat on the ass, and an I love you" I t turned out to be so much more. We were talking again tonight. For some reason he has this fetish about the step up from the bedroom to the den. It's the simple things....
I can tell a big difference in my moods this past week. It's because he is making me feel more loved. You have to tell people what you need from them sometimes.
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last night was pure heaven. Words can not describe the way daddy made me feel last night. Never have I felt so loved and wanted. That man is GOOOOOD! He knows what to do to make me melt. There was something purely magical about the experience. It was nothing kinky, rough, or over the top. just pure love making. We need that every now and then.I sure needed it. Thank you Daddy for giving me the night I needed. I hope you have no doubt at all how much I love you.
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Daddy has been on one the past couple of days. I told him he seemed as excited as a little child going to Disney World. I don't know what has made him so happy but I sure like reaping the benefits of it. He's on his way home now. I will be glad to have him back. We both go our separate ways tomorrow. He to do the parent thing and me to do the volunteer thing. Maybe we'll have enough excitement tonight to keep our thoughts busy tomorrow and do it all over on Sunday.
I really want to feel things are better in life. I hope I am not delusional. I am expecting Daddy to post wonderful loving adoring things about HIS babygirl! ha ha
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Daddy got in at a decent hour last night. We enjoyed Pizza and he a beer. After his shower we had a bit of fun. I was the naughty nurse. I think daddy liked being shaved. and the other things I did to him. I know he loved the body massage. However.. when he started massaging me he got transfixed and for some reason the entire body never got the massage. I really need to work on that! We were up way to late but this morning we slept in for a while. It felt good. This seems like the most length of time we have had together in ages. I hope, really hope that we have our fairytale.
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First, I must say I have feel better about my relationship with Daddy than I have in a while. We put our cards on the table. I shocked him with something but I hope it did the trick. I do love him so much!!! He promised to show/tell me more often how he feels about me. It's just something I have to have.
Make-up is awesome! It's not something I want to have often but it has it's place in life.
Daddy was in a creative mood today and I was the good girl who did not flinch as he flogged me all over.
I think he rather enjoyed bending me over the step up from the bedroom. The door facing makes for a good grip. Mix in a toy or two and voila... it was HOT.
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I'll should see him today; Curious to see how long how much time he'll have. What's wrong with me... Used to I would have to make sure everything was perfect but it just seems like such a wasted effort. I don't like feeling this way. We all know it's not a very submissive attitude. We love to do good and please people but we usually seek out people who need to be pleased. Trying to please people who are indifferent pointless.
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Stressful as hell day. A darling sweater dress but not on sale! This late in the season and it was full price.. That was the stressful thing, buy it or not. In the end I resisted the temptation though the store was 2hrs away! Then rain all the way home. My mom and I did have dinner at Hooters. LOL.. Yeah it's funny in a sad sorta way.
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He made it in. I saw him. It was good.... GREAT actually. Then he left. That's always the sad part. I am still not sure he has any real idea how much I care.
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honey is still trying to get home from NY. Looks like it's going to be Saturday sometime before he makes it in. He's had a very rough week. Who knows when I'll see him again but what can a girl do but mask her pain so she doesn't put more pressure on him.
We talk every night and he said tonight he wasn't in the mood to talk. That's how I know he's stressed. At least I have a plan for Sunday, it doesn't include him but.. there is nothing I can do about it. I got the big "I hate V Day" speech this afternoon. So I am sure as I execute my plan Sunday he'll just be in front of the TV having a cold one cheering for Mark Martin without a care in the world....yep that is the perfect day for a southern man. LOL
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Yesterday honey and I had a long serious, and somewhat painful talk. Questions I can't answer questions he can't answer. I want him but if I can't have all of him how long can I be happy with part of him? I need a real relationship but I love him too much to even think about another man but I am afraid that is the only way I will ever quit loving him. I am afraid that even when he realizes we can't be together that he will not tell me even though he knows he should. Not to be mean but just because it's hard to let go.
This is why l am in pain. Normally I am such an outgoing and fun person. I want to be joyously happy again and secure in the fact that I am loved and respected as much as I give love and respect.
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i think I must be going thru menopause. All in the course of a few hours I feel the world is full of gloom and dispair, then I feel I can conquor the world, I cry, I laugh, I get, mad. It's ugly. I don't know how much is really me and how much is hormones. I have so much anguish in my heart right now.
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last one of the day. If the Saints can win the Super Bowl then anything is possible if you just work hard and believe. What I believe is that I will take a proactive approach to getting what I want. This means YOU! See the prize, visualize it and make it happen. I'll be smart enough to know when to give up I think. Naaa I really just don't give up. I only retreat to configure another game plan. Not only am I a greedy jealous bitch, I am fiercely competitive. The only child is rearing it's ugly head... meaning I have to be number one and I have to get what I want.
Life is good and the Saints won the Super Bowl. If that is possible then anything is..
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2nd entry of the day. Watching THE game. I just wish I had someone to tell me what the hell is wrong with me and the good sense to listen to them when they did tell me. Like I would really listen. I am completely in love with a man who says he loves me too. Will I just not allow myself to be happy? Every time I have time to think I have this one phrase stuck in my head. It's the reality that I do not want to face but I can not change. I am a damned good girl and have good qualities but those don't hold a candle to history. My history died years ago. I am no one's history and it's not looking like I will be anyone's future. That's a tough pill to swallow.
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We had a good night last night. Sometimes sleeping with him is as good as sex. Maybe one of these days though when I try to do something good for him I will do it right. I try, I really do but it seems there is always something I should have done but didn't. Will I ever get it right? Happy.... I just want to make him happy then be happy. As much as I have waited for two weeks to see the Saints play in the Super Bowl, it is bittersweet to have no one to enjoy it with. Everyone has friends, family, and things to do.
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daddy is driving thru yet another snow storm. I am worried about him. He is stressed and ready to be back. He should have already been home. I don't like this for him.
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Today's entry is a little different than usual. More graphic one could say.
I have been with daddy in the Biblical sense 3 of the last 4 days with more than one time a day. Who would think an almost 50 yr old man could have sex with orgasm 4 times in 6 hrs! He is THE man in my book! Holding my breath but it does look like I might get to see him again tomorrow if he makes it back home in time. I have him on a quota system. At least 12-14 days a month I expect us to have sex. He says he's never been on a quota system before but he likes it. Another thing he told me on the phone tonight was that the ultimate turn on for him is when I cum so hard I totally soak the bed. He must be doing something good because I have never done it with anyone else.
We had lunch yesterday before he left and it was nice just to chill out and talk for a while like normal people. Tonight I also gave him another installment of "Thought Provoking Questions"
It was "What are you going to about me in the future?"
He can sleep on it tonight but I really need an answer to that.
We communicate and I am not afraid to ask him hard questions. I love that in him.
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NOLA was fun. It always is. I always seem to be in a different place when I return. It's almost like it clears my head and helps me think better.
Daddy, bless him, waited around town two hours yesterday waiting on me to get back. I got to see him for just over an hour before he had to go. I missed him while I was gone. I would love to be with him having fun rather than be with anyone else having fun. Is that ever ever going to happen???? ON a brighter note.. He got the baby in the king cake and I got to see men in dresses parade around NOLA. Who Dat say they gonna beat dem Saints? Who Dat? ha ha
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tonight I was reading thru im message archive. It is freaking weird to realize you are exactly where you were 5 yrs ago. The conversations I was having then I could be having now. I maybe even worse off now than then. 5 yrs ago I was unwillingly given a fresh start. I can't even say now that I am happy about it. I just now realize that I don't like change and the only way I will deal with change is to be forced to. I will just take whatever is handed to me, make excuses for it and deal with it with unrational reasoning.
I don't like facing reality, pretending is easier. Probably 5 yrs from now I can read the same things and they will apply to then as wel as now. LOL.. What the hell It's not called dejavu for nothing I guess
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Honestly, what gives, we have this wonderful dinner, he makes the best damned potato salad I have ever eaten. bless him he fixes my computer and then he's too tired for sex. It is really messing up my quota but the news of the day is.. Saints win, going to the super bowl!
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Last night was a great night. My cousin and I went to the casino and met our other cousin's husband and his parents. We love them and refer to them as our non-inlaws It was the most fun any of us have had in a while. We rode the mechanical bull and got beads! I am such a bead whore but they have to be earned. I wish honey could have been with me but it was still all good.
I went to church this morning. I do love church. Now all I am waiting on is daddy and the Saints.......
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Tonight we were just going to have petting and loving. Daddy was tired. It turns out that tonight was one of the best nights we have had in ages. I can't say how loved, wanted, and desired he made me feel tonight. No toys, or props needed just the two of us. If life would let us have this all the time I can't imagine how good it could be.
More, this greedy bitch always wants more!
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Daddy and I had a very interesting day. Tried some of the new toys. I wore something that totally turned him on and I think he enjoyed blistering my ass more than he ever has. Sex and play is always great.
]
Took him on a trip down memory lane and it almost caught us. I loved it. If only I could share the story.......
Today was all play, Tomorrow is supposed to be all petting.
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Not much going on.Daddy trying to get in from a long week. If everything had worked out right he'd be home and we would be having fun right now. What a productive day though. I am on the road to cutting out everything cluttering my life. I finally received an email back from an ex of a year or more. He treated me like nothing so I ended it and he has been emailing me since to give him another chance. Don't think so! I upgraded from stupid some time ago. Told him why and after a week I get an ugly email telling me I was a stupid bitch and fucking whore. and I don't think he meant it nice like daddy does when he says it. he he he. Daddy had an interesting day as well interesting phone calls from the past.... but at least he tells me! That itself is important.
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cooked dinner tonight for my gang. Daddy was not even feeling well enough too partake in adult activities but we did get a good laugh out of my daughter. She has no shame in what she will discuss at the table. She has been studying and realized that at some point during a clinical that she might have to put something in someone's ass. tonight I was doing what I do best, taking care of my family. A good southern meal of fried chicken, green beans, potatoes, corn, cornbread, chocolate pie, and sweet tea was on the menu. Great conversation and enjoyment was the plan. I wish daddy did not have to go to work it would have been good. Things like this make me happy in life. I am scared to death I will never find this happiness on a daily basis.
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There are not words to describe the pain of hearing everything about a life that you are not a part of and never will be.
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Daddy's under the weather today and he has a long week ahead. Maybe the meds will kick in soon...
I have had major computer issues but I do believe after taking his advice I have them resolved!
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The pain of loss never goes away. I have a lost love one who has been gone many years and every year on and and around that date it's like reliving the loss over again. When people are senselessly taken from you it gives you a different outlook on life.
I have this wonderfully fabulous boyfriend who has tolerated my moodiness and crying, and whining, and everything else for a few months. I just want to say THANK YOU. Most men I am not sure would have dealt with it so much.
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A good week it's been. saw daddy twice. He got me a new toy to play with and we enjoyed it. No doubt the sex is good. It always is. It is just tough being a little harlot. Harlot.. that is my new favorite word. I think I am getting much better at it though.
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sitting here right now. Just finished a good meal waiting on dessert. Well, we actually had the dessert between the salad and the lasagna. Life is pretty good.
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he is leaving today for a long trip. Coming over before he goes. If i have it in me I will post the events of the day after he's gone. I am already smiling evilly and shaking my head. I just love myself today. He likes my good moods.
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Daddy did come over and he was kind and loving to me but after a few hours he had to go to work. I have been holding in a lot of pain and hurt lately. I promised that if he would allow me that one day to get it all off my chest I would leave it alone and not mention in until certain time and events pass. I have cried enough lately that I should have no tears left and after all the crying, I still can't make things turn out my way.
Anyway fast forward to last night. Daddy got home after 1 am. Sleeping with him brings me peace. Almost as if in his sleep he snuggles close and wraps me in his arms.
This morning he asked if I was okay or going to have a melt down. Can't say that I blame him. I have had a few of them lately. But I promised to be the happiest damned girlfriend a man could ask for and I keep my promises. Southern women are strong and resilient and I AM a southern woman. I will take what life brings me with a smile and determination. Daddy told me to follow my heart and do what makes me happy. That is all I want him to do too.
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honey is supposed to come over today. Maybe when he leaves I will have some good things to write about.
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Today I question my submissivness. I have always been one who just took was given and whether I was happy or not I didn't say anything because I thought that's the way a good sub acted. I was happy or acted like it for the time I had with my partner,happy with the things we did, etc...
I've never had the dilemma I have now though. Now, with honey I am not happy pretending to be happy. I tell him when I am not happy and why.
Does telling him instead of biting my tongue make me any less sub.
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Back to the real world today. For most people it's a dread for me it means feeling closer to daddy.
Today is daddy's special day. He was treated special last night. Sadly I can't take credit for it. But he enjoyed it none the less. I am glad. He deserved it.
The way it's looking he's not going to get what he really deserves today b/c of work. Oh well neither did I and I survived. But that doesn't matter. I still wanted this day to be perfect for him.
Happy Birthday Baby.
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Something has got to give. I have been in for 2 days. Even wore them to family game night. I finally got a couple things from my brain out of my mouth to honey about how I feel and I feel somewhat better. Honey said he could see my point and how I feel. I believe him. I am afraid if I don't get my act together I am going to push him further away. I think I about pushed him to his breaking point this morning with my obsession. I am sorry.
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My Rebels are going to win the first Cotton Bowl in the new Cowboy's Stadium.
It's almost 5 in the afternoon and I have not even dressed for the day. I have a little over an hour to be dressed for a night with my "onlies" I need to go but I sure don't want to. I just want to go back to bed and wish my life away. I am a good girl. I don't cause conflict or drama. I try to be selfless in everything I do. I try to be a good daughter, mother,coworker, friend, and girlfriend but I don't feel like I can ever be good enough at any of those things.. Yesterdays news gets more consideration that I do sometimes. What else can a girl do to hear the words.. You are really a good (fill in the blank). I have decided there is nothing a girl can do. people either appreciate you or take you for granted or worse yet they just don't give a damned and use you for their own purposes until they are through with you. Thankfully I don't think I have the latter people in my life. I am just having a whinning day. I do that when I am missing my honey.
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My daddy made my NYE great! I want him to be the last man I ever spend a NYE with. It was the attention, the affection, the closeness, and the snuggling as much as the damned good hot sex that made it perfect. I hope this is the start of a wonderful year for us. In some ways this may be a rough year but I hope together we will be strong and survive life's changes. I think I love him more right this minute than he could ever imagine.
With everything he does to show me he cares for me my devotion grows.
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If the weather cooperates then daddy is going to make it home for NYE. Anyone who knows me knows it is one of my favorite days of the year, along with my birthday, Halloween, and St. Patrick's Day in NOLA. I think he's going to be pleased with my little shopping trip tonight too. Being without him is so damned hard. He is far from being all mushy and everything but I think I make him happy...
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Last night i get this yahoo message from someone I assumed saw my profile here. They asked me if I like magic, which I am cautiously interested. Then they asked me to go to a website that which I did (after I checked it out) it is the spinning tunnel to try to hypnotize people . Dude asked me how I was feeling, and did it make me feel like doing as he told me. Geeezz. that was the best laugh I have had.. Dang.. Daddy, I realize I have not told you about it yet. It was too funny. Oh when I asked him did he find my profile on collarme he said he had never heard of it.. That was the first RED flag.
I just love strange people.. and boy do I attract them.
Daddy is happy, the bfc and I are heading to Fantasy Land tomorrow.. something new to play with NYE.. I can't wait! I did love daddy rubbing on my ass today when he came to see me at work but naked in bed tonight would have been sooo good.
Yes, that is something we must work on.....I love you daddy!
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Today is the day I have been needing for a week. The time I spent with daddy today was much needed. He was on the naughty list today at my house and a naughty daddy is a very good one!
I so hope the new year is full of great things in our life!
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Ahh the after Christmas sales were exactly what I needed. My gamble paid off in getting all the pcs to my Christmas dishes 1/2 off. I love cooking and serving on beautiful seasonal dishes.
I just read where daddy says he is missing me. What a nice surprise. I am ready to spend some time with him. Tonight's game night will be fun with my family as we are all so competitive............
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The bfc and I got all we hoped for at the casino. Then we wanted to shop at the adult toy stores.. Who'd think they would be closed? Just our luck to drive 50 miles out of the way for nothing.. nada... Best part of the night was. honey.. after a 3 night hiatus he called to tell me goodnight. I didn't realize how important it was to me until he didn't do it. One more day.. one more.
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This has been one of the best Christmas mornings in all the ages! My little man has now gone to spend time with his dad. He's leaving for Germany in January so who knows the next time they can spend time together. It's time to start dolling up for the day so the BFC and I can go make a day of it!
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What began as a rocky day didn't turn out 1/2 bad. I enjoyed my family. The past few days I have been selfish I guess, whining because I don't have anyone in my life to share the holiday season with. When I looked around tonight at my family I realized there are far worse things than not having a someone to share holidays with. I am so blessed to have a mother, child, grandchild, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even 2nd and 3rd cousins who enjoy spending time together.
There are so many out there with no one at all, not even family and I feel guilty for wanting what I can't have. Shame on me....
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only 1/2 day of work left. The early part of the day was pretty good. the afternoon was so so. Tonight. well that is yet to be determined. I am missing my honey and wonder if he misses me too.really misses me.
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Today has been good. I have not felt boyfriendless at all. Daddy knows how to make me smile and make me feel soooo good. Shopping is all done and only 1.5 days of work left. The BFC and I have something cooking for CD night. and I still can't wait to see daddy on NYE. Just a few more days of holiday blues.......... I feel like I am going to make it now
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playtime with daddy.. all night last night. We have met the quota and had fun doing it. I feel better than I have in weeks. Sadly though with the holidays coming up I am already dreading being boyfriendless for more days than I care to be.
This is the greatest test in a relationship. How much effort are you willing to make to see each other when it's not easy?
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Today brought better things. Best of all I finally felt a closeness with daddy I have not felt in a week or so. We never miss a day without talking but sometimes life can get in the way and even with hours of conversation you still aren't really talking. I have learned though that even when I don't think he notices things he really does. He may not say a word but he has taken notice... That is something I appreciate.
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what sleep will do for you. I wish i knew. I tossed and turned with dreams all night. I have never dreamed of walking thru water with dead people before, having to just push thru dead loved ones to get where I needed to go. At least I was calm and at peace with them. That says something. I just don't know what. ha ha
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A day it's been. Have you ever just had one of those days when you had no emotion left to show? I feel numb tonight. I am not happy, not sad, not mad, not disappointed, but not excited, optimistic or eager either. It's more like .. let's see what is on the agenda for tomorrow and worry about how I am going to deal with it then.
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Daddy is all stressed out tonight away from home. All I want to do is make him feel better and I feel I have failed. Days like today when I want to feel closer to him I just feel further apart and have no idea what to do about it.
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future will bring, if I knew that then I might know the right thing to say to him.
Let no one tell you different but doms are human too, with real feelings, and frustrations like the rest of us and they need our love and devotion more than ever during those trying times.
Please know when you read this how much i care about you as not only a boyfriend but a person I want to be happy.
I LOVE YOU!
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Lets give daddy some credit. He made long tiring drive home but yest still petted and loved on me. Pretty good man I've got here even when I do whine and pet that it
s never going to work. I am just going to put lots and lots of faith that he'll do the right thing. The right thing is right by ME.LOL
He's off work a couple of days. I am jealous and wish I were off with him. but I am so excited about New Years Eve. It's gonna be a blast!! More exciting for me than Christmas!
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Words to live by: Never ever make someone a priority in your life when you are only just an option in their life.
A good friend of mine said that this weekend after she had kept her bf children for him as he worked out of town and when he got home he went out without her saying he just needed some space.
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What an emotional week.. A military graduation really makes a person think. It was so emotional.
I have to give daddy some much needed praise. No matter what is going on I get that good night phone call. Such a simple thing I know but not really so simple at all.
Earlier this week ranked a 10 also. We went to lunch and when I got off work we spent the rest of the night and most of the next morning together until he had to get to work. We enjoyed all the things couples do and a lot more kink!! I enjoy all that time with him. I am forever whining that we don't have enough time together so I am really going to try to stop and just occupy my time so I don't think about it all the time.
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Three important words in a relationship and I don't mean. "I love you" I am talking about the words "us" "our" and "we"
Those words solidify the couple status. Those words show that the person saying them are thinking in terms of a couple instead of themselves independently.
If you are in love with and/or are the sub of a married or attached man let these words be your reality check. As long as you are hearing these words you can never forget your status as the "other woman" I say other women but this could apply to a single man who made the choice to see a married or attached woman as well.
If you are in a relationship with a man who uses those 3 beautiful words when he is making reference to you then I say how fortunate you are!
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is there a 12 step program for those of us with trust issues? Should I start off the post with "Hello my name is
Andie and I have trust issues" If there were 12 easy steps to fix them then I would be first in line to buy the book.
I have them for what on the surface appears to be no apparant reason.Then.......... I always tell me self to trust my gut...
My gut and my heart are giving conflicting advice. Decissions,, decissions...............
No sex today and not even my ass grabbed but at 5am daddy was in the mall waiting in a long ass line with me!
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The lengths I will not go to get my way...... but at least I got holiday sex. I love holiday sex. I missed honey all day but nothing i can do about that.
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Finally a good afternoon with daddy. We got to have a little fun while I attempted to cook. A few distractions later I had some much needed stress relief. I have some things going on to keep me distracted when he is gone. It's good for me. An idle mind is dangerous expecially when it's MY idle mind.
It's looking like he might be back at a dccent hour tomorrow too so we'll get even some more time. I need it. If he's just take my good solid sound advice everthing would be so much better. ha ha.
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Random acts of kindness from strangers, kind words, a little thought, empathy, and understanding. People are people before they are dom or sub. Understanding needs is the best quality a dom can have, wheather it's his submissive, or one crying out in need. It can in some cases make a life altering difference...
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5 minutes. thats about the length I had with my honey tonight. Bittersweet... Hunting season with guns opens this weekend so he had things to do. I made plans to do things too. Being a weekend widow SUX!
Those 5 minutes though were worth a lot. Close physical contact, hugs and kisses for some reason eased my stress. Sunday will be here soon and finally some quality time. I guess Sunday will tell how much time he will spare before leaving yet again.
I sure hope he kills the big one tomorrow.
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Today was an entirely different day. I was less stressed from work and daddy was too. It makes a difference. We talked tonight, it seemed like the first real talk we have had in days yet not a day goes by without us talking. He mentioned tonight that he wants a relationship where we don't grow apart. I have to feel connected. So we want the same things. I am trying to be rational and patient. IT IS FREAKING HARD! I hate being without him though I am very proud that he is such a hard working dependable man.
I am just ready to be in his arms and feel good and safe again.
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Is a birthday a good excuse to whine and feel sorry for ones self? Daddy is almost 1k miles away with no hope of me seeing him in the distant future.
My best boyfriend did not even send a text or call to tell me HB and my mother sent me to do her Wal Mart shopping after work. Dinner came up as quick as it went down thanks to being so distraught.
This ranks right up there with the worst birthday ever. All of that and yet I am thankful I keep having birthdays. Sure there were calls and messages from FB friends and I appreciate them all
I guess I am being a complaining bitch. Every year I think this one is going to be special, every year, I keep being sorely disappointed.
I wanted the most simple thing in the world, the very most easy and simple thing...a message from the heart..... but it wasn't to happen. I wish it did not hurt my feelings so bad. Tomorrow may be better but it can not replace the hurt from today.
Good night everyone
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last night was a good experience. Daddy and I had some good s/m fun then we just chilled out, watched tv and was just "with" each other. It is nights like this that I enjoy, covet, and long for more of.
He had this little fantasy in his head at one point where my feet were tied high in the air and I was still wearing the little white cotton gown he loves so much. I also found out eariler this week that he is not much into my wigs. He says I have spoilled him with my blonde locks. Good.. I love blonde anyway. He has spoilled me with his attention. I can't get enough.. Greedy Bitch is my loving name. ha ha
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All I can say is Daddy loves me. He really enjoyed my fantasy. He makes my day and makes life GREAT!
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Been an upbeat week really. Daddy has seemed more happy and that rubs off on me. It was nothing like staying all night together on Monday. We had a little s/m 101. It's been a while since we played so intense. To say we had a good time is an understatment. What can I say. The more I have him the more I want him. He'll be home Saturday and the babygirl can't wait.
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It happened like it always does. Somehow things work out. Daddy got a good dinner.. with desert first.
I loved every single minute of the time we had tonight. Right now sleep would be great.
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plan is a 4 letter word. at least this week. Daddy had one delivery left this afternoon and the jerk sob of a receiving manager would not take it. So now it will be tomorrow before he delivers and he is 17 hours away from home. the plan went to hell in a handbasket. It will be okay though. We had a really good long tough talk about life tonight. I wish I could say for sure if I feel better or worse about us. With men you can never really understand what is going on with them. I want him badly, the question I can not seem to get a clear answer on is just what is he willing to do to have me too.
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Wednesday night and daddy will not be home until Friday, possilbly Saturday. Halloween will 3 entire months since I have known him and I act like it's been eternity. I laugh at myself. I want a full life with him in the worst way. Finding a way to make it happen consumes many of my thoughts. Like many others my past haunts me in some ways. Insecurities plague me. I fight the demons routinely. My fear is that he is content, happy, and even satisfied with life as it is or worse yet he could be a man who doesn't like change or doesn't adapt well to it. I want him to want so much more for US than the right here and now. Isn't life a frightening experience? We have to trust others. It's hard to place our happiness in the hands of another person. I just don't see any other way though. I have always used the motto.. "smart not stupid" when referring to life. Stupid is to make rash decisions.Smart is to put thought in every move. Smart always wins. A good life can't be rushed no more than it can be put of until tomorrow over and over.
Daddy sometimes has to remind me of my own motto. I sometimes have to remind him that everyone likes to know their place in life and when one can expect change.
Saturday is a big day around here. We have big plans. It's the one thing we are both looking forward to after a very long and stressful work week. Until then I am sending on positive happy signals out to him. I love him more than he can wrap his imagination around. Not sure he can understand the depth of my feelings and what that means in life but over time he'll realize it means I am the comfort zone, the safe place, the secret box where nothing is taboo, no one crushes ideas, and feelings are validated and supported. One day daddy you will realize all that and more about your baby girl. You'll understand that to be the definition of love and all the play time is just an extension of that. Oh how good it is
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what a nice surprise. Daddy journaled about me. I love reading it when he says he loves me. He tells me all the time but reading here where everyone can read it, that does it for me. This wonderful man went so much out of his way to collect leaves for my grandson's kindergarten project yesterday. He had to make sure the baby boy had the best variety of leaves possible. He didn't have to yet chose to. That speaks volumes about his character and I had to share that with the world. Things like that make me love him all over each day. Trust me, it made our play date even more fun last night. I am still not stressed. Something about sleeping nestled right in daddy's arms cures my stress. I can hardly wait until the weekend..
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very busy weekend. I have kept the road hot with my baby and daddy has been busy with his children. I have missed him bunches! At least we've had some phone time. He always knows the exact time to call. It seems that every time I am thinking about him so much I will go crazy he calls. I need to get to work on the Halloween costume. It's probably not the most original idea out there but I chose the Catholic school girl look. I want daddy to be a Priest and my best boy friend to go as a Monk. Neither are happening but I am ready to go out on the town with both of them. I know we'll have a great time. This is the first boyfriend I have had in ages that I can blend in with my best friend who is also a guy. They not only share me but they share the same name. LOL.. What a lucky girl I am.
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tonight- let's see. I hate daddy was all stressed out but I am so thankful he shared it with me. That's just such an important part of a relationship. Our time together lately is slipping but I think in place of quantity we are having more quality. Of course me, being the spoilled baby that I am, want him all night every night and I have to believe that will happen more sooner than later. I have big plans for life and daddy is a major player in those plans!
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The past week has uneventful. Daddy pointed out I have been in a good mood because a lady I work with who gets on my last nerve has been on vacation. I think he's on to something. Last night we finally got a little quality time all night and shockingly I did not spoil it by whining over something that probably wasn't so important in the whole scheme of things. I am trying really hard not to wear my feelings on my shoulders and become upset over small stuff. We'll see how it goes.. Daddy's calling
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i sit here and watch football scores. I just saw a great game live and in person. I forget how I love the excitement. Daddy has just called. Every night I am not with him, I know I am going to get that goodnight call. There's just no doubt. It's those simple things that are surprisingly some of the best things in life. He was looking so freaking HOT this afternoon. I am still thinking about it now.....
Life is so freaking good..............
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today and tonight since the ballgames were sorta boring I have been in deep thought. The best way to discribe how I am viewing life at this time is this... I feel like an audience to a 3D movie of which I would love to be a part. I know me though.and I will eventually take over a staring role... the role I so want the most..
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Daddy tried some new interesting tricks last night. I loved them. I am pretty sure daddy loved his "Princess" also.
I wonder if there will ever be a time when we are not so tired and exhausted. My daughter wanted us to go out with her last night and it would have been great but we were sleeping too good to get out of bed and get dressed.. Daddy said I slept most of the time right on him but he wasn't complaining. I just sometimes can't get close enough to him.
This morning though he did bathe me and wash my hair. This baby loves that. I hope to do that more often. I am already missing him so much I can't stand it. I can't wait to wake up with him most every morning..
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What a suprise. Daddy last night and all night. Those garters must really do the trick. Cooking breakfast together this morning was nice. OH yes, can I forget the goose bumps I got when daddy came by work today to kiss me bye for the night..My child finally met daddy and she approves. As silly as that may sound it's very important to me. My child, my mother, my bbf, and my bfc all approve. No one else matters. I am very excited about one thing though. he says in the spring I can go on a trip with him. I like it, first it says he sees a future with me in the spring. LOL Second, it says he could stand my company for that long at a time. Things are really going good babygirl!
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Daddy has a long trip ahead and will not be back until Wednesday. He should have left earlier but this sweet baby girl did things to make him later leaving.. all good things. *S* I think daddy is loosing some resistance and opening himself up more to me. I like it that he said I am becoming a fixture in his life. yep.. that is good. Things between us are good. He is a very tolerable man to put up with my moodiness. He understands that most all my bad moods are caused because I want him so bad! I want every night like tonight. I love you!
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About to see Daddy. FINALLY. It seems like forever but it's been a week. Sometimes schedules do you that way. My time with him is always a sweet escape. The hours maybe few but the rewards are great. It's just so cool how we are there for each other and sometimes when we are together the best thing is just snuggling and sleep. He gives me that secure feeling and I believe I give him that all loved up feeling..
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It's been a fun weekend even though Daddy is in MS and I have been in GA. How good to have a man who encourages me to have fun. I miss him but I am enjoying a hobby that daddy would never care about. LOL The more I am without him, the more I want to be with him. So here I sit in the hotel lobby in Hotlanta GA typing away on CM while Daddy is sleeping peacefully home in bed. The man is good to me and my mamma likes him. It's all good with me.
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Daddy, bless his heart, he is as good as they come. Never have I met a man so good and kind, loving and compassionate. This man must love me dearly to have dealt with me yesterday. I could not have asked for anything any better. How I LOVE him. I have learned a lot about life and relationships from him. I plan to use it all and make our relationship strong and lasting.
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Daddy says I am learning at a fast pace. That's a good thing. How nice he is that might get Princess Day more often. Like any Dom we all know that the only real reason I would get it is because he likes it not for me. he he he All fun aside, this has been a trying weekend. I suppose all us girls go through this sometimes. I am feeling needy more than usual. Daddy is understanding thankfully. He is perceptive and knows I just need a little petting.. okay I confess a lot of petting.
I go out with my friends and I have some fun but there is something missing. Can I say that sometimes life is unfair? So much is my own doing and I buy in to the theory that we reap what we sow. I guess i think i am different. I guess I have the mind set that somehow I am special. My heart believes in fairytales. My head is kicking me in the ass saying "Stupid Bitch". It sounds better when Daddy calls me Bitch. LOL. However I have always made decisions with my HEART and here I am still and for the most part happy in life. In summary the HEART wins every time.
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Not much to write about. I just know I had a question that I needed answered and I wasn't scared to ask. That's what my past relationships have been lacking. It made all the difference. Firnd a man you can tell anything to with no reservations and I say you have found THE MAN! Daddy and I spent as much time talking tonight as we did loving and it was great!
I still don't understand why I get the wet spot. he he Daddy made me to it!
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Daddy and I chilled out last night. It was all loving and petting. Sometimes it doesn't have to be all play. Last night was every bit as good as play time with Daddy. Daddy is still THE man.. 4 times over
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Daddy commented on his journal that he wondered how everything would turn out. I had told him that last night would either make or break our relationship.I am proud to see it kicked it up and made it. I was nervous going into the evening because I knew some of the things daddy wanted to do but with him it all felt right with no inhibitions. The way I think it should. He was obviously turned on by the school girl skirt, heels, panty hose oh and those pigtails. By the time morning came and daddy and I had to go to work I lost count of the number of times we awoke to play during the night. The princess got to play as well. daddy says I am really learning. I believe with all my soul that daddy and I will be happy for a very long time and continue to grow in everything we do and one of these days we will not know how to be without each other.
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Friday was as I suspected. It was up a level. I love it when daddy says he really needs to go home"tonight" because it most always is "in the morning" Friday night was no different. He said he was doing a lot of thinking on his way back here Friday so tonight we have special plans to go all out and do things we've only talked about in the past. I am anxious to see how things turn out. Hopefully most of them we will want to try over again. I can not wait. Maybe that's why I am up at typing at 6am. ha ha
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well daddy will be reading this later tonight I am sure. We are about to see each other. It's only been since yesterday but it seems longer. Daddy's work schedule makes it difficult to spend lots of time together but being THE man he is we seem to pack a powerful punch in the time we have. Just when you think things can not get any better something new happens and it's better. I wonder when the new wears off. How long before we do not crave one another? How long before our 3 or 4 hours a day on the phone turns into only 1 or less? The only way I want less phone time is more real time. If you are reading daddy, your Princess Baby Girl loves you dearly as Daddy, as a lover, as a friend, as a boyfriend, and especially as YOU! oxoxo PBG
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Great night with Daddy. He has a fondness for butt plugs and is turning me in to one good slut. Daddy says I cum tonight more than he has ever seen. I am pleasing him I know because he tells me so. He loves me and it shows.
I must say between the butt plug and daddys tongue I was gushing cum and he loves it! I tell him we are having more sex than married people. ha ha. 3 to 4 times a night 3 to 4 days a week... I look forward to the day when it's just me and daddy everynight for years to come.
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this weekend has been rough. Things out of the norm. My baby starts kindergarten in the morning. My daughter is busy with her boyfriend and his family. Daddy is busy with his. It really is hard. Idid have fun, went tailgating, shopping and saw daddy Fri-Mon. There is just a void.... I can't be the only one who feels this way sometimes.
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Daddy had a suprise this morning. Me in his favorite white cotton gown, just out of the shower, no makeup and wet hair. That is the way he found me. Daddy has family things and so do I so while only a quickie we make the best of it.
Daddy made makes me happy in the fact that he wants me all his.. and I am...
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I don't get it. It's clear in my profile that I am with someone so.. I don't understand why people would still write and ask to see if I might be interested. Daddy doesn't have passwords to read mail but he knows everything because I tell him. Anything less would lessen the trust we have with each other.
Things are better and better each day. There is not doubt to me that Daddy loves me!
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Princess Day- begining to like it. I like trying new things on Daddy. He let me tie HIM up.. and do wicked things to HIM. I do have to be careful for whatever I dish out I must be willing to take. I knew it could be done, finding the man to love and cherish me and still treat me like the slut I need to be. It's good. all good.
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Daddy played meet the family today. We are both very close to our families so this was important. It happened quite by accident but it turned out good. My mom's words were "He is fine, you can tell he had good raising" She also told me he was the top of the line, the best one I have ever introduced her to.Yes, I know I am over 40 but that means I am old enough to know that my mom's opinion is important! I believe if MY daddy were still alive he would give his blessing for this man and trust him to care for me and keep me safe.
On to other things, Daddy let me enjoy Princess Day and has up'd my rating to an A on how I please him with it. This babygirl is very stoked about that. A always daddy keeps on doing what it takes to keep his baby happy.
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what a good nights sleep will do! 100% better today!!!!
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The fact is life isn't always great. Today has been one of those days. The reality of life has slapped my pretty face. I should be resting well right now as the last thing daddy said tonight was "I love you" before hanging up the phone. He would say pms is the reason I have the blahs tonight. I think it's because I am slowly loosing control of how I feel and it's scary as hell. Does anyone else just wish that instead of typing on this damed computer you were wrapped up safely in his arms and you hurt like three hells because you are not nor can you be?
BTW Daddy.. the bath helped. I knew you would know what to do.
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This is for you daddy. When you get home and read this just know how good you make me feel and how happy I am. I keep being amazed at what you will do to spend time with me. I am so thankful for you...
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one can always tell when a relationship is progressing or at a standstill by the way their partner acts. Daddy and I are progressing without a doubt. He is always concerned about my feelings etc...
I had a wonderful surprise today. Daddy took me to lunch before he left out today.and it was to my favorite place too! Getting to touch and kiss him bye before he left me was priceless. Then.. as fate would have it, there was some minor trobule and he was delayed in leaving so I got to spend time with him after work. babygirl's fortune cookie said her luck was changing... and it did.. She had daddy, morining, noon, and afternoon.
Daddy says outloud, what is he going to do with me. Well.. I am enjoying it as he explores the posiblities...
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i said it and meant it. Daddy said it and meant it. He loves his baby girl and she loves him.Daddy also is giving me "Princess Night" once a month. That's the one night that his baby girl gets to be a princess and have everything done for her and gets to have some fun with daddy too! I like it and I coined the phrase but will be glad to share it.
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i am proud to be over 40 and until now have never ever had an issue with another woman about my man. I have always been the one that said if a man doesn't want you he just doesn't and would never make a fool myself. Well.. not everyone shares that thought or I would not have been confronted by an ex gf over the weekend to give me the "low down" and tell me how things would not work out with daddy etc.... In the back of my mind I am thinking.. woman why are you so concered about me. You were with him almost a year he must have some good qualities. This woman is near 50 and wants to talk outside with me? I am venting here because it's just so unbelievable that someone that age would act like that. I didn't even meet him until they were broke up for months soo it's not like she has a dog in the race. It proves my point that sometimes after a break up you can't be friends. A clean break is better. I will keep posting about the saga.. I hope it's over though. Daddy will take care of his baby girl! might add ex gf is vanilla.so how happy would daddy have ever really been? LOL
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We all have a past. I was confronted with Daddy's past last night. I relayed the events of the night to daddy and how I responded and he's proud of his babygirl. I am a little sad this morning though, no lie.. Lie being the key issue.. I was told by very wise people that sometimes in a new relationhip people will lie about things because they think they are not important and we should look at the situation and decide if it's forgivable. I agree with that. As I type I am thinking if there is anything I wasn't 100% honest about....
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things are good with daddy and me. We have our little routine of "Thought provoking questions" on the days we are not together. That is how we have learned so much so soon. I have found out by accident some things that really turn daddy on... such simple and sweet things like a white cotton gown is just as good as garters.
I have graduated from "the" baby girl to "my" baby girl. That is my milestone of the week.
I recomend doing everything it takes to draw out information from the person you are with. I just don't feel this type of relationship is one where secrets can or should be kept. I still say I am lucky that my man shows me every single day what i mean to him!
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intense. That is daddy's word of the day. He so took care of this babygirl this afternoon before leaving for work. I find myself thinking of all things that make daddy happy. It feels so good letting go and being little submissive slut i was born to be. We'll have a redoux with Daddy tomorrow.
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This babygirl sometimes can not learn her lesson. I know things I do causes my body to react in certain ways yet... i do it anyway... I love the feel of cum inside me yet my body has other ideas and I always wind up with a UTI. So I am sitting her painfully wishing I had done something different. It was only yesterday I was telling Daddy what happens to his baby girl. Hopefully he'll be home tomorrow and I will be all better.
Note to self: This is why I need you daddy, to keep from doing stupid things.
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Daddy and I made up for lost time last night. It felt like he just rubbed on me for hours. For me it's easy to tell things are progressing because at first when he said do something, I put some thought into it, like why he wanted it, how it would turn out, etc..
Last night I noticed that I just did what he said do without question or thought of the end result. That's what I have been striving for, for so long,. It takes complete trust in someone to do that. Daddy is just someone you know can be trusted. Not once since we met has he ever made me uncomfortable. I hope I continue to grow into the slut he wants.
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Last night and today I have been without the man in my life. It's been good though. The thing I like about it is he calls me just because he is thinking about me. On the way home, on the way to a fire, before he goes to bed. You get the picture. Many men are not so thoughtful. I am crazy about this man for those reasons and many more. I am counting the hours until I see him again. (26)
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another night with the daddy of all daddies. LOL. Anyway..it's still great to have that nice good feeling to be with someone who chooses to be with you. I never knew people could talk so much and still keep talking. Our conversations are about so much more than sex. They are the real get to know you conversations. I would say if we have any issues they are probably mine when my imagination about the future gets carried away. We women are so programed to plan our wedding dresses from the first date. LOL. Admit it ladies, you know I am right. Men on the other hand take a different approach. Daddy, i believe, is a bit concerned that I could become too attached. I think it's okay as long as you act rational and i do act rational. Attachment in itself is not bad. I mean daddy appears to enjoy me as much as I him. We have a very long road ahead. I don't feel rushed. Mostly people feel rushed when they are insecure. He doesn't make me feel anything but secure! So I will continue to be his best babygirl and make him proud of me so we can continue this wonderful journey we have begun.
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i like it. New experiences. Things get better each day. It's surreal that we get to see each other so much. But I have always beleived that you have to spend hours and hours talking before ever taking any steps to any kink. Daddy may disagree but i think we started this on the right foot
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i have been home alone today. Too much time on my hands one might say LOL It's been quite great lately to be told how much he's in to me on so many levels. It's the emotional connection I have missed and craved for such a very long time.
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yes, I can give myself purely and completely 100%. Will is the issue. Am I willing to give 100% to someone who can't accept 100%? That is what scares the hell out of me. Each day I weaken more. This type of life and relationship requires so much more than just chemistry, and adoration. The highs are higher and the lows are lower.
I woud love to live with each and every wall broken down and taken to pieces. That is a goal I work for.
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deep conversations and my best friend's approval. It has been a good weekend. Daddy says we shoud upgrade from cautiously optomisic to just optomistic and I agree. My best boy friend met daddy this weekend. This is the first man I have let him meet in yrs and it went well. We've talked about 4 hours today about reality and the facts in life. I am not happy about everything in life but this I can't change only how I deal with it. This girl is going to take each day at a time and see if everything comes out clean in the wash.
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i have enjoyed the past couple of weeks getting to know this wonderful new man in my life. There have been many say it wasn't possible to have someone want you as a person and want you as a sub. That myth has been busted. It is unique that we can talk for hours every single day about random things in life that have little or nothing to do with D/s. When we met neither had any expectations except to see if we could have some fun and strangly enough our lives were entwined more than we knew. I am cautiously optomistic that we are working on a future. He says it pleases him and that is good enough for me.
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It finally caught up with me. Staying up late, not getting any sleep.
But after you get used to a nightly routine you feel lost without it. On another subject don't we all like to see what our partner's exes look like? We compare ourselves. It's just human nature. If we think we look better we are confident. If we think the ex looked better we question "why me" A wise man told me women can not be compared. We all have our own uniqueness. I can live with that
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12-31-11 NYE in NOLA Crazy i know but i want this for a wedding date. It's a Saturday. I have a visual of Jackson Sq. wearing a black and rhinestone dress, he in all black. It's reasonable to think that in nearly 2 1/2 yrs it's possible to meet, fall in love, agree on D/s and marry. This little saga combines a few of my favorite things, NYE, NOLA, and cute black dresses, along with the cold of winter and hopefully a bowl game at the dome. LOL Looks like all I need is the groom. But am i ready to give up more than 1596 minutes? LOL Nope.. not at all and not for a long time to come.
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This one is short and sweet. Girls, when a man wants to see you he will make it happen even when it's not the easiest thing for him. Somehow he finds a way. You don't have to throw your whole life off schedule. and something else, when he makes it happen you don't have to worry what he's doing when he's not with you. It will just feel right and you'll know that it's all okay.
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Perception-When searching thru the profiles what does ones screen name mean to you? Do you by-pass certain profiles because you don't like their screen name? I have been mistaken for someone who might like infantilism when actually I am just daddy's baby girl. LOL Well- What do you think when you hear Satanhimself? I assure you I was curious but also thinking.. OH NO!..anyone who uses that name is probably way too sadistic for me. Me, the one who can't resist finding out, decided to take the risk. I could not have been more wrong and that was a good thing. Moral of the story is give everyone a chance but log hours and hours talking first. Nothing can replace that. Hearing that voice counts for lots more than typed words.. FYI- I noticed I made your journal too. LOL.. i like it!
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stress.. mostly when I have been stressed I take drastic measures with my hair. I have been blonde, black and all colors in between. I have had short to long hair. This time with stressful things going on I took a different approach. I got my very first tattoo. It's a cute pink crown on the upper middle of my back. My old fashioned mother and best boy friend both have sworn that is why I have been sick since Friday.. What do they know. I am proud of it and happy I did something I have always been frightened about. Funny how things is life make you face your fears..
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wow.. I realized last night how young I still am. Front row floor seats for Hank Jr. No one could have had more fun than I did. I felt young and uninhibited. and that feeling is lingering today. for a couple of years I have tried living as the prim and proper girl I am not just to please others in my life. Since I have made the decission to be ME again I believe I am making better decissions. I even posted a picture....
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IN people. In people can made your day hell like mine today. INconsiderate, INcompetent,INsensititive, Ineffective, and INsincere. You get the picture.
Today I have decided to clean my mental closet of all the IN people in my life.
Then there are the ones who generate a spark of electricity when you touch them. I still remember the first time I laid eyes on my very first bf. How it felt the first time he touched my hand and kissed me. For today and in my life I have decided to accept nothing less, no more dragging on, leading on, playing games. It's either there or it's not. If it's there, it works without effort. Relationships should not be hard. I am disposing of the riff-raff. I'll up date in a day or so to see if anyone is left in my life. ha ha
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A difference. Is there a difference between being submissive and being a lifestyle submissive? I know without any doubt I am submissive but when I meet or even begin conversation online with someone and they expect me to address them as master or some other term before even knowing me it annoys me and I have no interest in them. Someone please tell me that I am sane and it's them not me. LOL. I just always expect to know the person first. If they have whatever "it" is to cotrol my thoughts and wants, they will not have to demand a term of endearment.
I think my thoughts are justified and that somewhere out there in this life that chose me is the right dominant man who agrees with me.
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A difference. Is there a difference between being submissive and being a lifestyle submissive? I know without any doubt I am submissive but when I meet or even begin conversation online with someone and they expect me to address them as master or some other term before even knowing me it annoys me and I have no interest in them. Someone please tell me that I am sane and it's them not me. LOL. I just always expect to know the person first. If they have whatever "it" is to cotrol my thouhts and wants, they will not have to demand a term of endearment.
I think my thoughts are justified and that somewhere out there in this life that chose me is the right dominant man who agrees with me.
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I realized tonight that I do not date well. I form an opinion before ever meeting someone, either good or bad. I had a bad feeling all day and did not want to go on this date tonight...notice time of 10.39 I am home.
I would not lie even though too many excuses to name went thru my mind. So we meet and I get in the truck with him and all i want to do is make sure my skirt is pulled down. He drives around in circles and conversation is HARD! and I am a talker. We went to eat and okay.. my pet peeve, he did not leave the poor girl a tip. He got up and walked towards the door while i was still waiting on a drink refill. and had the truck cranked up and in gear before I ever left the restaurant. Is is too much to ask not to be so rude. I am sure he wasn't having a great time either but neither was I and I wasn't rude. I am like this, either I like you or I don't. If we are meeting for something other than friendship I am going to kiss the hell out of you if I like you. If there is no spark, i see no sense in wasting time. I guess what I am saying is I wish i coul have just said, okay this is not working. sorry to have wasted your time. without ever even getting out of my car. I knew in talking to him on the phone that we had two different ideas. He wanted the sweet settled woman and I want the hot dom man, Note to self... do not try to date normal men. Maybe I can date, it's just my selection.... Yes, I think I will work on that.
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What a weekend. I saw a friend I haven't seen in a very long time. OMG.. he is hot as ever. I had a serious case of my bbf getting on my nerves last night. Usually I am fine but last night was a night that a drunk got on this sober person's nerves. I think he is submissive and doesn't understand it. I am the submissive person here but he leans on me for everthing, what we do, where we go. etc.. and anyone wonders why we are just friends. I wish he would luck up on a dom girl to do something with him. LOL I love him but how am I ever going to meet the dom of my dreams if I am always out socially with my bbf? LOL
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well after a stormy Friday and seeing debris swirling around from the stormhouse, Saturday was okay. Even got a bit of a sunburn.
What I am writing about is this: Someone sent me a message to exchange pictures, no problem, I sent one, now without sending one he sends me a phone number to call him, and maybe he will come see me today. This has all happened within a few hours today.
You know what? I did not call, It has desperate written all over it. Why the hurry? What's going on? Did he think I was going to sleep with him this afteroon? LOL I many not speak for all subs but a desperate dom is a scary thing to me. I like rational decissions, and fore thought in. Any thoughts from anyone?
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Maybe I don't know how to express what I hope to find. I would love to meet a man who is dominant in every sense of the word. A man who wants me to trust him with my life must be trustworthy. SO if you are married but your wife doesn't know what you are doing, you don't seem to trustworthy to me. Also to any subs reading this. a Dom worth their weight in gold will also respect your needs and not make demands before even getting to know you. I am hesitant to converse with anyone who makes demands of me without benefit of even knowing me.
Enough for today. It's late and I am just venting.
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