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There are two sides to this-- what do we want for the bdsm side, and how does the vanilla side interact?
For bdsm, I am the OWNER type. I am really only seeking the type of female who wants to _belong_. I am NOT the type to mindlessly abuse, but some would call belonging to me a demanding experience. Unlike many men, I think the fact that a female has thoughts of her own is fascinating (mostly a joke...!) *chuckle*. You want to belong to me if you want to KNOW that you belong to a man that is very Dominant, and very intelligent and logical and understands there is a vanilla side to life, even with a 24/7 slave.
What makes a good vanilla match here?
I think native personality, relationship personality, intelligence, interests, life goals, relationship goals, relationship length, family, sexual personality, and last, looks.
Looks are last on my list, because I don't care what you look like if I can not work with the other factors. I had a gal respond to me... "I am sorry you do not care about how I look. Most girls try to look their best and care how they are perceived." Again, I care, all men do. But if the basics are not there, I won't get into a female just because she is pretty. Most women appreciate that point of view.
Tell me about you.
Now don't be offended, but do let me know... How can I tell if you are real? In case you do not know, most of the females on the site are actually men pretending to be women, or foreign scammers. How will you let me know you are real, now or later? That question is just what it says... no more, no less. It doesn't mean this minute, or tomorrow, but it does mean I don't see any point in wasting time.
(Oh, by the way; have a beard right now, but usually don't... )
Submission and Slavery
IS being of service, humility, being present, being of use, about letting go, what you do for others, acceptence, being real, respect, how much you care, being open, freeing your spirit, discipline, commited, obedience, trust, love, happiness. Submission is ALSO suffering, humiliation, pain, being used, control, what is done to you, abuse, attempting to prove your worth, contempt, how you look, denying yourself, bondage, punishment, unable to escape, submission, fear, sex, pleasure.
I am not the author of this but it speaks to me and it's what I believe.
If you are truly going to own and dominate a woman, you must understand her. Everyone, of course, is unique, but I've seen some of the same things over and over between the submissive women I have known: They are motivated by a deep desire to please. When you ask a 'vanilla' woman what to do, she will sometimes reply 'whatever you want', which is simply annoying. However, you must understand that phrase for what it is from a submissive. She wants more than anything to please you. Whatever plans or ideas she had on her schedule, if she can make you happy she will be more fulfilled than doing whatever she wanted to do for herself. You must understand that phrase for what it is. Now, this can easily become abuse. Every submissive woman I have ever personally known has been through a number of abusive relationships. She gives and men take and take and it becomes abusive. Weak men with self-esteem issues are often drawn to these women, which compounds the problem. It takes enormous strength and experience to take from a woman like this (which is what she needs) without abusing her. Your job is to soak up all her love and affection and attention, help her find ways to please you, while supporting and strengthening her as a person. This takes wisdom, experience, and, I believe, some age. I cannot imagine a 20 year old guy being a successful 'dom' in any real sense of the word. When you find her, she will likely have things in her past she is not proud of, and you may not be either. That doesn't matter. You must accept her exactly as she is, with all of her flaws, imperfections and mistakes and you must never hold them against her. If you are worthy of the task, she will be transformed by her relationship with you 'practically an alchemical transformation' lead into gold was only a metaphor for transformation you know? It was always about transforming the common and the broken into the sublime. If you can't accept her, you can't have her. She needs to understand and to come to trust that you are not like the people who have hurt her in her past. She has developed complex coping and self-protective mechanisms. If you would possess her, you must strip them away and this takes time, love and persistence. If you do not do that, then your relationship will be a sham because you don't have her, you have the face she has prepared to protect herself from the outside world. She will naturally subjugate her desires to yours. In my opinion, you have a sacred responsibility to build her up and to strengthen her as a person. Again, you better have the wisdom and experience to do this if not, find your way together, but be honest with her that you cannot give her what she needs. A continuation of the above point: not every submissive is a masochist often they are, but not always. New and wanna-be Doms need to be told this because if she sees you want to beat her even if she doesn't want it, she won't say no. In my opinion, if you find a woman you really care about, you need to do a lot of work understanding what makes her tick, and that does take work. My girl, for instance, literally could not answer the question 'what do you want?' when we started talking. Could not answer it. You do not realize how difficult that question can be for a natural submissive, but you need to teach her how to think about it and answer it sometimes. Above all 'above all other things' be honest with her. In a relationship like this, trust is the one thing that cannot be repaired. If you damage it, you're done. You also need to be aware that most of these women (in my experience) have an uncanny sixth sense. They are actually or very nearly psychic and will read all of your communications on every level. Don't lie to them. It's not worth it and once they catch you in a single lie, you now go into the same pile of 'men who hurt her' and you will never truly be trusted again. There is no depression or sorrow that can compare to what happens when you hurt or disappoint one of these women. Make sure you understand the responsibility you are assuming when you begin a relationship. On the other hand, they are capable of loving on a level that you probably cannot even begin to comprehend. Again let me say this clearly: you have tremendous, profound and sacred responsibility for and to this woman. Don't fuck around with this lightly. This post is not about sex. Done properly, neither is your relationship with her.
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If you have read this far, you may not be a spammer scammer, so I will relate this story about an interaction off this site, it is just toooo rich...
*chuckle*
Can't remember her profile name... but google searched images and found they were pictures of a real model!
Yes, indeed, google image search is invaluable! Hell of a pretty model, a million images out there...
But I still asked for the photo of her with a newspaper with a phrase I asked for written on it.
She supplied it, amazing...
Searched the _news_story_ I could see on the newspaper, found the paper was from Nigeria!
Of course she claimed she lived in Phoenix.
Don't think too many Phoenix residents subscribe to Nigerian newspapers! ROFLMAO!
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You will never forget reading THIS book:
Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/239954.Brain_Sex
Why can't a woman be more like a man? What is this thing called "feminine intuition"? Why are men better at reading maps, and women at other people's characters? The answers lie in the basic biological differences between the male and female brain, which, say the authors, make it impossible for the sexes to share equal emotional or intellectual qualities.
WARNING: This profile is copyright 2016-present. Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You do NOT have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. The notice probably won't mean a hill of beans to anyone who wants to take it, but at least you know your karma is going to get you!
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