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Recently separated, amicably. Still in between places, MD and TN. I do like MD better.
I like to read. I haven't completed many books because I get distracted by other things. Not as bad as "Squirrel!!", but just projects of the day. It's always "We need to get this done, NOW!" And after the 12th instance in a day, it kinda loses it's meaning...
I've been able to talk to a few people on here and had some great conversations. Yes, some have even talked about kinky things. But others, were about life and day to day thoughts. And how they wished they were doing something else. Things that excited them, stuff they thought about. And no, not attending any political rallies..
So, I like to listen and when asked I'll give feedback.
Also, please be from the States, UK, or Australia. If your profile show over 2k miles, probably not going to respond. Fool me once..
And now the quiz:
100% Rope bunny
96% Submissive
50% Masochist
49% Experimentalist
49% Primal (Prey)
48% Switch
48% Vanilla
47% Non-monogamist
46% Slave
42% Rigger
Added: I don't do consideration fees or tributes. If you'd like to talk, I'll listen. If I charged to listen to people, I'd already be retired. So, don't do it. I'm getting really good at figuring out chats that are going to an ATM. If that's what you're after, just ask for a PIN first, saves time. Bonus points: If I mention a state wide event (like an ice storm), and you don't know about it. I'm going to guess you're not 60 mi away, like you claim.
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You ever had a walk test cancelled? For 23mph winds? I don't wonder why other services give us a hard time... |
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Another glorious day in MO. Just when you think Spring is here, a massive snow event hits. FML.
Other than that, not a whole lot of news. Been chatting with some folks, one friend found her way back from the North. I think she may be to blame for dropping the snow over here. Work is about the same, leadership is manufacturing crisis, as usual. I did get to go shooting this weekend, indoors, of course. Maybe next week, some shotgunning with clay. It's fun showing up with a pawn shop gun and scoring higher than a guy with a Beretta sponsored wardrobe and his $3k gun. Maybe I'll compete one day... |
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Ah Missouri, your weather is starting to piss me off. Work in an office, sun all week, then get crapped on for the weekend. But, the time is coming, dust off the bicycle and I'll be back on the trails. Releasing all this pent up energy. True, I may not be on here as much. I think...I really don't know.
Its been a few months since I started trying to find my way. Since I'm out here, I'm kind of limited in avenues. I've met/chatted with a pretty diverse group of people. Some are on a similar path. Others, trying to find that right one that hits all the check boxes. I wish them luck, I really do. There are of course some outliers, the ones who don't fit into a category. Those best described by their name. I've met two, so far. So, my time has not been wasted.
You have to look at the bigger picture. Did I have a whole month of frustration OR get to know people I wouldn't have otherwise met? There's always hope and if it wasn't a struggle, no one would leave home. Maybe I'll find someone a bit closer in the next months, or hang out with someone back home for visits. Who knows. I do know this site is getting on my nerves; I wish it would not mess with my paragraphs!! ehh |
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One more weekend closer to retirement, so what if it may be 3 yrs away. It counts! But, a nice moderate break from being awake at work. The place where I wear my Superman cape, since I transferred jobs.
Trying to pickup the pieces from a person juggling too much and one who can’t square his home life away. I’m not throwing stones, but the golden rule for my line of work is; when at work, you work. I’m not nessecarily looking forward to this collision of ideals, Monday. But, you can’t run a train if the engineer is fucking off in the caboose, trying to keep his wife off the conductor. I’ll try not to make an Amtrak joke here. So, I as the senior to both guys, am taking a subordinate role to one and trying to realign the other taskings of the other. Oh yeah, and fill the un-named role of getting things for the entire place. I have a knack for researching options that don’t have us paying at our level. No, not stealing; reappropriating through other means.
I saw what it took to get promoted to a bigger headache. After running the numbers and considering my morales, I came to the abrupt conclusion that I can help more people where I’m at. And, I won’t have to research the best chapstick for kissing ass. That’s putting it mildly, by the way. But, the supervision is better, the younglings (Star Wars ref) are more willing to expand their boundaries, overall a better foundation.
So, yeah, if I could get this whole submissive thing figured out, I’d be on easy street... I guess staying up ‘til the sun rises, probably not the best idea. Not saying I should have ever left home, but I miss the Chesapeake, the Susquehanna, and those places in between. My mind got transported back there, this week. Someone asked how to pronounce my birthplace. It’s a unique name, aka French. It wasn’t lost on the Brits a few hundred years ago when they torched it. But, I’m not salty. The place is beautiful near the bay, boats and such. Another thing I missed out on, boating, crap. |
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So there I was, tinkering with this app Whiplr. Slightly odd, as most of the contacts are over 500 miles away. It's funny too, there's no rhyme or reason to how far anyone marked "500+" is close to your avatar. So if you were to try it out, tap the closest person to you, she would be from London. Yeah, I think there needs to be a "1000+" marker.
I did however, have a short chat with someone from St Louis. She made a good argument for requesting tributes from people. One was, "if you're good at something, you should charge." She's right, of course. She described herself as pretty (she was), and is constantly bombarded by emails and messages as soon as she went public.
Now you have to figure about 98% of those emails, are bullshit. then you've got the 2% that actually understand you have to treat people humanely. I know, it's weird. Sending a dic pic off the bat, probably not going to get a reply. Could go to jail, these days. But to take the time to know a person, you never know what kind of reward you'll get for being an adult. From experience, I've sent out dozens (+) of emails. But first, I read what they had to say in their profile. Those that choose to write and expose themselves (in writing) could be baring their soul, their desires, their wishes. To ignore that, is a foul. I've been lucky enough to be noticed on some email piles, and grateful for it. Although I dislike the distance between, I've no choice. They are a lifeline. I don't throw that word around lightly. I mean, instead of enjoying a good sparring over email, I'd be in my room, trying to figure out a better self tie. Kink starved is one thing. But being communication starved, is quite another.
I know it says sub in my name. But, I don't think it's because of that I try to treat people with respect. I may have made a mistake (a few times), but I still care about those people. There's one or two I'd really like to tip a beer with (Yuengling, of course). And, kink may not even come up. It's odd that to find such people/gems of intellect, on this site. I guess by being here, they're looking for open minds... Or maybe it's just a siren song leading to the eventual subjugation of man-kind. Eh, I'm intrigued enough to find out :) |
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Another cold Sunday...crap. Casting my net to neighboring states. I can still go there, but a meeting would require more planning. Being in the middle, I’d have to drive over half of MO in any direction. Iowa seems promising, but there’s a lot of emptiness in between. Yes, KC is closer, but to break into the scene as an outsider may be too difficult. I might have to visit a pro. I’m not getting anywhere with these feelings. Pro=professional help, right? So much for a connected society in a modern age. Especially, when the modern age is in a sexually repressed section of the country. I guess I’ll change my searches, damnit. |
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Chiropractors are worth the money. That’s probably why Tricare (or whatever it’s called this week), doesn’t pay for it. They’d rather keep the economy going with other quacks that end up zapping nerves. I think the $35-45 a month is worth more than TV. Being mobile and feeling great, priceless. |
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Unfortunately, still have a job :) one of my kids sent the wrong email. One idiot flipped out, but not to affect me in the slightest. It was an honest mistake. Oh well, good news in any event, start my new job Monday. Different section, different people. I’m looking forward to it. Shake the chains of this old town off... |
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So...um we'll find out if I have a job in the morning. Email is the devil. |
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One down, four to go. Should be able to wrap up these shenanigans by the end of the week. I guess this situation has helped a little. I'm no longer hitting esh on my phone as much. If you would like to try something more real time (chat, email, other), let me know. I'd love to talk to you if you have the time. |
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Swing shift is nice, quiet, and boring all rolled into one. On a better note, I have most of the day to do stuff. You know trying to find a shooting range that's open on Monday is about as hard as finding someone to chat with here? I did find some good ranges that'll be open Wednesday. And there's an indoor range close by, for tomorrow. So...not much for today, but more of a reason to get to tomorrow. |
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Starting swing shift tonight. Not terribly excited about it; like manning a gas station, that doesn’t sell gas or snacks. And, also due to the job, no phone or site access. So, if you think I’ve died, because I’m usually up all night, it’s only just partially. So, I’m just killing time...
Oh, I think someone tried to start a video chat with me on here. My browser doesn’t support it. You could also let me know beforehand, and we can figure something out. And no, I don’t accept tributes, I’m a whole person that way. :) |
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Sitting here in the parking lot of the clinic, killing time. Hopfully, this time, reason will prevail and I’ll be on a better path to get fixed. I’ve had this pain for about 6 yrs and been punted to “pain management“. So never really diagnosed. It’s just the military way, have some Motrin and get back to work. That is until most of us with back pain revolted, got higher ups involved, and some people were re-educated on the term ”patient care”. So this visit should confirm, I need a specialist instead of a pain killer. Here I go.. |
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The Ice-pocalypse is coming! Hide your kids! Hide your wife! Buy all the milk at the store!
Our second ice storm, and you would have thought a sharknado was coming. It's not going to be a quarter as bad as the first (2 days ago). Some people have said they're tired of being overly cautious. This should get interesting...
So...my job called to tell me, "don't call us, we'll call you" for tomorrow. More time, more idle time...
Since when did we start charging people to talk? Why does it cost more than a tank of gas? I'm starting to draw a correlation between people with headshots/portraits to a certain conversation ending. A weird twist, those without a headshot are typically more genuine. Talking to those people (or anyone worth knowing), requires effort. I think it's worth it. As a weird side effect, you care about them. Yeah, I know, people on the internet aren't real. But, a leap of faith can change your whole life. Even for those of us with less faith in the tank. |
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I still don’t trust CS for notifications. So, in my mania to be a good person (or becoming slightly neurotic) it appears that i don’t leave this website. But there’s good reason, most of the time. I get to have some good conversations with people I would have otherwise never met. As a mixed blessing, they reeeeaaally like to use this site. So, I tend to hang around all hours, yep. It’s not too bad, sleep isn’t a factor, I never got that much anyway. But I don’t want to miss the chance to chat, it sets my whole day. I guess if you could imagine a hyperactive badminton player, that’s pretty much me, on this site. i guess we could work out when we’re going to sleep/log in tomorow. But, I may be too anxious to bring it up. With acquaintances on the east coast and a recent one over the pond, the window is small to start with. I’m probably thinking too much about this.. |
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Woohoo, gov’t holiday. Now, if I had something to do in this mildly crappy weather. |
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I have survived another formal engagement! Let's all take a minute and thank a bartender, without whose services would've ended my career a long time ago.
On another note, I thought I had been made...I was talking with a woman at the table during the event. We were left by ourselves, so she came over while we were standing and we chatted. She was very attractive and mentioned that she just came as a fill-in for one of the other members. She was their roommate. She said she didn't get to go out to things like this with her boyfriend and she loved opportunities to wear heels. She went on to tell me about her stiletto heels that made here 6'1". I could swear time stopped, when she mentioned the word "stiletto". I think I mumbled "that's pretty impressive" as I tried to push the thought of her towering over me aside. It was tough :) I wished her well at the end of the night and hoped to see her at the next engagement (its recurring). I'm still thinking about it, wow, I must have "sub" on my forehead. I wonder what they would have looked like and what the view from below would have been... |
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So, there I was…
A long time ago, in a state far, far, away. I was a kid. A kid who watched tv, cartoons and such. Then all that changed one day. Out of the blue, Batman (the 60’s version) was up against the Catwoman. I had never seen her before, and like a lot of us, will never forget! But she was different, not just the heels and skin tight catsuit, but the way she carried herself. She seduced him. She tied him up in more than just rope. And, for a bit, that was the only reason I wanted to be Batman. Just to be tied up by a person such as that. This of course led to dreams, and some beginner self-bondage. You could say I was already trapped. I liked these feelings of helplessness. The tightness of the ropes, being restrained. The thought of a woman in a shiny catsuit goading over me. Damn, I wanted to be that guy. To hell with crime fighting, I wanted to have her attention.
I think that’s a good start, I’ll add more later...
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Tinkering on some changes in the Journal. Maybe some stories or things rattling around. Something to do about fun with rope. Err...but first there’s the new Homelnd on...procrastination.... |
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So when you hear/see the words "Friends Only", what does that mean to you? Does that mean I'll only talk to you with a face pic? Does that mean if you have a knowing/caring partner, you're dead to the world? Your life experiences, interests, opinions don't mean shit. Maybe if you're only seeking gratification, you should not hang the "friends" shingle out. The people I talk to have thoughts and feelings beyond a length of rope. This isn't a game, this is life. Yeah, it would be great to lifestyle, but I've got responsibilities. Sure, it would be great to runaway, over indulge on my most twisted perverse dreams, 'til I'm nothing more than a slave husk (sarcasm). I don't know if you want to call it "missing" my window, but life had to go on. Life is finite, the road had to be picked. If you wait at the fork, you're just fucked. And this is perhaps my angriest rant to date. If you can't talk to someone who asks nothing in return, I hope talking to yourself is appealing. |
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So, it’s the weekend, tried killing myself by moving boxes yesterday. The boxes didn’t win, but they exacted some vengeance on my back. Just checking in with my circle’o friends; 2-3 can be a circle right? One of which got back in town to save the day, at work. Must be some kind of superhero.
All, I don’t mean to creep people out by my omnipresence on here. CS has always had a crappy email notification system. I’ll be going back and forth with someone all night (wink, no not really) and sometime in the next 2 days my other email box will have an MRE poo. Thus, causing me to freak out checking the site again, because I can’t leave a person waiting for my vital input. Right.... |
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So, who knew that tumblr didn’t have pictures? I came across a site that, yes it did have pics, but also had an entry. It spoke of a person who was in a vacuum. Without another, he was exceeding lonely. He only had to rely on fleeting emails. It was kind of depressing and eerily similar....oh look, wine! |
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So, I got my first tumblr account. I think I’m the last person to get one, sooo many buttons. I think I’ve got the “like” part figured out. I haven’t posted any original work, yet. Given my status, probably no headshots in the immediate future. But, I’ll gladly entertain suggestions. I don’t think I’m much of an exhibitionist, but if it leads to a conversation, it’s worth a shot. So, if you head over to boundover.tumblr, you might find something. |
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So, yeah, can’t sleep. Surprise. I think I read and emailed 1/3 of MO, the part that would like to email. While it was some good profile reading, the part that shines through, we’re all frustrated. That may explain why I keep hitting “re-fresh”, “How about now? Nope.” I wonder if I can CLEP this subject, if I keep self-studying. And if I passed, would anyone notice it on my resume? Hmm, I guess finding a kink friendly job would be hard to find too. But, I think it would be worth a longer commute or any dress code. |
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Gov’t shutdown, lotta good people are gonna have to sit back at home and watch some delinquents in DC. History is repeating itself a little too regularly. |
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Not the best start to '18..Just found out we lost another one. He used to work at the same job. He was always helping kids out, fixing cars and such. Great person to work with. But, being a mechanic can be painful. He hurt his back and eventually got addicted to painkillers. He was flagged during an audit and he came clean. They sent him to rehab and released him. Found out from Facebook when some of my friends started "black banding" their pics. I guess that's a thing now. It's been about 2 months since I lost a guy I served with at my first station. I knew him a bit better, but I guess that wasn't enough. It blind-sided a lot of us. Whatever demons he had, I hope he is at peace, too.
I'm going to put this out there, sometimes its not enough to be Facebook friends with those you know. I know the person can hide the "classic" signs, but engage with them. During one of my many Awareness briefings, I heard what was probably the smartest thing I've heard an officer say. I know, we were all floored, but he was right. He said the most valuable thing in the world is time. Not the rushing around trying to make deadlines, but the amount of time you spend with each other. If you care enough about a person, you spend time with them, you give them your attention. It's not enough to sit next to them and play phone games. Be proactive, ask about them, push them to talk, block off some time were they are the center.
So, if you're reading this for some reason, take the time to spend time with those you care about. And, give more than a Facebook poke. |
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Another windy, snowy day. This is getting irritating. But I’ll see you all later tomorrow. I finally feel tired enough to try and sleep.
--So now they're calling for -12. Woohoo! It's a quiet cold though... |
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I’m not tired for some reason..I guess it was all those things I didn’t get to do in freezing freakin cold! |
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Sooo, first entry of the new profile...hmmm. I actually have started writing on that other site (FL). But while you’re here, and I’m searching for correspondence, let’s chat! I recently contacted this awesome individual from back home. Had I known more people such as she were around, I may not have run away to the circus! I hope I can keep her entertained. In other news, Hawaii has a new opening in Emergency Management...film at 11.. |
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