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ruminating
| Hetero Female, 32, San Diego, California
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Seeking: I am ready for a longterm monogamous D/s relationship, with possible interest in M/s. I'm seeking a single, monogamous, heterosexual male, 30-50 years old, located in Southern California, who identifies as Dominant or Master and is interested in slowly building a mutually fulfilling power exchange dynamic. I believe in investing time toward creating a solid foundation of trust & communication, then allowing the dynamic to evolve once the roots are in place. Due to an established rewarding career, I don't wish to relocate.
I have tried short-term relationships and polyamory. I find deepest fulfillment in devoting myself completely to one partner, taking time to sink into greater depths of surrender & submission. I am not interested in having children.
About me:
A submissive with a masochist streak who stumbled off the Tantra wagon and found home in this dark cozy corner. My style of submission is best described as "Acolyte Submissive" in that it has a quasi-religious devotional tone. I am obedient and loyal, and I strive to please. In play, I am a responsive sensation slut who loves to explore, enjoys getting messy, finds meditative peace in slow & deep suffering, and likes a good cry.
Sexually, I move slower than most. I prefer establisbing intellectual and emotional intimacy first. If you’re looking for casual sex or a quick lay, we’re not a good match.
I have been actively involved in events with the local BDSM community for over 3 years.
While currently unpartnered/unowned, I am staying engaged on my submissive path through a personal training regimen to further prepare myself for the Dominant I am seeking. This training involves learning service skills (currently focused on cooking classes, cocktail service, and introductory bootblacking), training for a half marathon (for both physical and mental discipline), reading a variety of D/s and M/s resource books, and remaining active in the local community.
Philosophical summary of what brought me here initially:
“If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything.” - Thích Nhất Hạnh
"The moon stays bright when it doesn't avoid the night." -Rumi
...and of what I've found on this journey:
"Without Thought" - a commentary on peak experience
The pictures posted here are of me. Please do not post, share, or redistribute. Thank you!
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12/26/2017 11:53:18 AM: A Note on Submissive Training
There is a likelihood (high, in fact) that some of the skills i'm learning may not be desired by my future Master. Even if He does desire something, i will still need training to perform tasks the way He wishes.
What i have outlined for myself is not the last step: it is the first. It is a means of gaining some rudimentary skills & experience, and of taking some personal responsibility for laying groundwork upon which He can build. i am not climbing a mountain and then demanding He climb the same: i am learning how to use climbing gear, visiting a climbing gym, and preparing myself to climb the mountain He wishes me to climb. i am preparing in the only way i know how.
I look back at the education I completed in order to begin my career, and I see that there was material I learned that I've never used.
Is it then a waste? Is it not worth the effort? Is it all for naught? I don't think so.
While some of these skills and experiences may not directly apply to serving my future Master, they are still worth learning. In this process, i am learning about myself, engaging a more service-oriented mindset, developing grace and confidence, leading an enriching life filled with curiosity and exploration, and perhaps learning a few things that may be applicable to whatever service He does desire of me.
Ultimately, i will serve as He commands. He leads and i follow. But i'm not going to sit around on my duff and then expect Him to do all the work: i'm going to learn what i can now—both with hard skills and in self-awareness—so i have a strong foundation to offer Him.
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