3/1/2024

Today, sadly, is the 3rd anniversary of the passing of my most beloved Mistress of 12 years and I am finally able to express the sadness I feel daily.

Men wait years to find that one special kink partner who matches in perfect harmony. Sometimes, they never do.

I struck gold 15 years ago when my wife game me permission to seek a Domme to meet my submissive needs after losing all interest in any form of sex. It was not an easy decision for either her or me, but in the end, she agreed to a trial run. The only caveat was the relationship could not be anywhere close to our home in the Seattle area.

It took 3 years, but finally, after hundreds of hours of online searching, I found my one true Domme. Older than me by 15 years (I was 49 when I began my search), she lived in Portland, OR which was perfect for me, since I had to travel monthly for my job to that fair city. We corresponded for many weeks, then phone calls as she probed me to ensure I met her parameters for a potential future slave. Understanding my marital situation, it meshed well for her, since she had no interest in a full time relationship, but had a need for male companionship for short periods of time (ie: a weekend tryst was the perfect amount of time for what she had in mind).

After 4 or 5 months of what I call "courtship", I drove to Portland (a 3 hour drive south) to finally meet my future dominant. Already in her early-60's, recently retired and keeping busy with volunteer work with a non-profit, we enjoyed that first weekend enjoying each others company (non-sexual). Unbeknownst to me, she told me later if I had made any effort to introduce talk of sex or Femdom activities, the "interview" would have been over. But I had passed the first bar, and would lead to 12 years of blissful service of my Mistress.

Mistress took me through her version of "indoctrination and training", forming me into the slave she envisioned. Sex for me was off the table, but not for her. My primary duties were the monthly deep cleaning and upkeep of her townhouse, cooking, massage therapist and anything else that brought personal, satisfactory pleasure for her. Everything was about her, and I learned quickly that failure to ensure that pleasure, whether personnally, professionally (yes, we spoke of my job and her volunteer work, offering advice to each other) or sexually were grounds for dismissal. Constant training sessions ensured I mastered everything she expected, with no expectations of any sexual gratification for myself.

Mistress Mariana taught me that a slave derives his satisfaction from the pleasure he brings his partner or Domme. It's not about me, but her. At first, it was difficult to manage or understand, but in the end, I learned how true her ideas were and how to be molded to meet them successfully.

What I did not know of her future plans for me was the path she took me down...as her total cuckold slave. It took months of grooming me to the point where finally, she was able to speak with me of her 2 bulls that she had been meeting her sexual needs for a man's appendage (yes, she was a size queen and a QOS). I never thought of myself in that manner, but the mark of a good Domme is how she can psycologically, physically and sexually manipulate her slave.

So, for the final 8 years of our relationship, I was her perfectly molded cuckold slave who adored what I consider the finest Domme I had ever served (I had served other mistressed in the past for nearly 15 years). To be quite honest, I learned that it is possible to be in love with 2 women (but for entirely different reasons and purpose). And yes, my spouse was aware that I had found someone, but she was always first in my life. And why I loved my Mistress was that she understood my married relationship, and respected me for that while allowing me to meet her needs.

Mistress passed away from that awful disease, Covid, in 2021. I couldn't be there for her in the end due to hospital rules, which has troubled me tremendously. After 12 years of service, providing for her and taking care of her needs when in her presence, to not be able to care for her when she needed it most troubled me for many months. It is only in the past year that I finally began to come out of my funk.

I think what allowed our relationship to work was that I chose to go with an older woman who felt empowered and knew what she wanted in life, not having to depend on a man to justify her life. She could enjoy multiple partners who brought love and joy to her private life and satisfaction as a dominant woman. Choosing an older slave allowed us to connect on an emotional and spiritual level first, with everything else connecting later. With her in control, she could dictate what she wanted with no expectation of reciprocaton.

I miss her very much, and with my depression slowly waning, I think it's time to begin my search for a new Domme. Yes, I am again looking for someone near my age who desires a monogamous slave while she expects to see others if the desire is there. She will want her slave chaste (yes, in a cage and denied) and available for her use and to ensure her wants and needs are met (with no expectation of reciprocity).

It would be nice to connect in other areas. I have varied interests and hope you do to. I am not looking for an identical replacement of Mariana, that would dishonor her memory. But I feel that I still have much to offer, and I think she would have wanted me to continue a life of slave service that she had honed over several years to perfect. Rest assured, I am a true submissive slave and have no desire to dictate what a Femdom/submissive relationship should be. If an older, experienced chaste slave is what you are considering, please reach out to me to see if some connection can begin.

Thank you for taking the time to read my small memorial to my beloved Cucoldress/Mistress. May she rest in eternal peace.

_________________

01/07/2024 (Update)

Well, officially a geographical bachelor in the Oakland/East Bay area in California (for those who do not know what a geo bachelor is...I live in Oakland, CA while the spouse lives 4 states over).

Still looking for that one special Domme who desires a cuckold slave with the added benefit of Keyholding the slaves locked cock. Since your slave is a bit older, no need to worry of the drama/clinginess that comes with younger/newer subs/slaves. No worries of "topping from the bottom", since I am purely a bottom/submissive with past experience. Enjoy an afternoon in a coffee shop (or a good Italian meal) talking up a variety of subjects as I do in service to a Domme. 

Interested in a cup of coffee and conversation to break the ice?