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Ultimately, Im searching for a DDlg relationship. If you dont understand what that entails or arent sure about it please feel free to talk with me and Ill do my best to help you understand the dynamic Im searching for.
*Before reading further note that my little persona is age 5. If this doesnt sit well with you please dont continue reading and for sure dont contact me to give me your two cents worth.
Im a quirky kinda a gal, slapstick, sarcastic sense of humor. I enjoy keeping life somewhat simple but realistic. I have a child-like innocence which means I enjoy things like theme parks, regular parks, museums, petting zoos, driving past dairy farms, animal interactions, singing songs and adding my own lyrics when I dont know or forget the actual ones, dancing whenever I get the urge. I love watching Christmas movies because they all have a happy ending and surreal love story ded in them. I am also a cinephile so, I have a huge adoration of the theater and all genres. (I think it might be an addiction to the popcorn but Im stickin with my original claim). I love to talk, ramble actually...about anything, everything. Drives me crazy when people dont communicate but instead assume things and then act upon that assumption. Im not gorgeous, actually very plain. I have never worn makeup, Im not thin but instead what I refer to myself as well-nourished others use the acronym bbw. Anyway, this is a good start, talk to me if you want to learn some more.
Thanks...for taking the time to read my profile!
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Big 5-0 happened today, that means my little persona graduated to age 5 now. :) |
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I remember what it was like back then, that's the problem. I recall the feeling of anticipation for his everything, his call, his arrival, his great big arms wrapped all around me, his gaze, his breath, his kiss. It was all so surreal, like a dream. Only I was awake. Or was I?
I remember seeing him when he walked into the room, he commanded attention. At least he had mine. The energy he transferred to me when he sat beside me was titillating. Every piece of me responded to him, awakened and anxious for his touch. Was I dreaming? Could a person have this effect on another?
I remember the day he said I was his and only his. My heart skipped a beat just then. Our hearts shared a rhythm. I knew, by my heart that he was with me even when it seemed there was a galaxy of space between us. But then my heart beat changed again, my eyes were opened to a new day. A new reality looked me in the face.
I ponder all the time what it would be like to fall in love again, and then I remember. |
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I feel incomplete. Obsolete. Retrograde. ((sigh)) I need some inspiration. Motivation. Determination. Oh January, you are so hard on my psyche. |
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Welcome to 2017, Happy New Year! |
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Wishing you a Christmas that is filled with Love, Peace, Joy, and Happiness! |
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Gratitude turns strangers into friends, denial into acceptance, it turns what we have into enough. Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful for all the people who have come in and out of our lives along with the many little blessings we take for granted. Wishing you all a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving! |
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There are times when my little runs and hides because my adult side needs some time with daddy. As an adult," I will give to Master (my daddy), my body, mind and spirit, in faith of His knowledge of the skills, safety and first aid measures necessary to put me through painfully ecstatic and euphoric edgeplay: the use of needles and pins to pierce my flesh; the use of scoring tools to make drawings upon my body or to selectively and carefully cut my skin to make me bleed with little or no scarring; aromatherapy where He will throw me into higher states of consciousness with the scents of oils and incense; blood and breath control to bring me to the edge of my survival to feel the battle for my self-preservation; guns and knifeplay to intensify my awareness of my existence racing parallel with my threatened drive to live; and other such uses. Through these activities i shall learn to ride on the top edge of my fears and the bottom edge of my perception of utter terror - for it is there i shall come to know my greatest fear of all: that i will want to go there again and again." (Kay, J. 2011).
**Disclaimer** I have not engaged in things of interest like, TPE, Breathplay, blood play or rape roleplay to know that any of the above writing will be fulfilled. There are things in this writing that will never be explored because they are hard limits for me but reading about them is thought provoking. This is collection of words by Johnathan Kay, author of 128 Rules Guy, that when read ignited a feeling inside of me that goes unnoticed.
http://128rulesguy.blogspot.ca/?zx=2c826f5538355cfe
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“Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”
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"If I had only...
Forgotten future greatness
and looked at the green things and the buildings
and reached out to those around me
and smelled the air
and ignored the forms and the self-styled obligations
and heard the rain on the roof
and put my arms around my love
...and it's not too late." ~ H. Prather
The way we complicate life with our "self-styled" obligations is a power contrast to simple pleasures like listening to the rain on a roof or putting our arms around someone we love. The fifty-five words above realigns my priorities every time I read it. It reminds me that it's never too late to be the best-version-of-myself.
"if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" <3 |
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"We have a natural tendency to assume that a remarkable chemistry between two souls is confirmation that they are meant to be together. In the heat of profound feelings, it seems counter-intuitive to imagine ourselves separate from our beloved. But chemistry and longevity are not natural bedfellows. Just because we feel earth-shatteringly alive with someone doesn't mean they are supposed to be our …life partner. They may have come for a very different reason - to awaken us, to expand us, to shatter us so wide open that we can never close again. Perhaps they were sent from afar to polish the rough diamond of your soul before vanishing into eternity. Perhaps they just came to give you new eyes. Better we surrender our expectations when the beloved comes. They may just be dropping in for a visit." ~J.Brown
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I've been broken into a million little pieces and even though I've picked up many of the pieces. there are some missing still. The storm rages throughout my heart while thoughts sweep through my mind like a hurricane.
My spirit is helpless against the storm; I'm left alone in the rubble of my own existence fractured, tattered, and unflattering. Spectators stop and ponder the salvage and repair but most just pass by quickly without regard. There is no limit to how miserable my life can become when I believe what the inner storm has to say. But, I'm alive.
I need to rise up to the challenge set before me, tend to my wounds and repair my tattered heart. The storm will pass, the sun will rise and, butterflies will stir within once again.
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BRRRRRRR! It's only October 8 and already it's down to 37 degree's? What the hell Mother Nature....don't be such a meanie! |
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We're all unique in spite of our commonality in the "lifestyle" or dynamic that we choose. None of us is more right than the other. There isn't a cookie cutter solution or instruction manual that is required to follow, each dynamic is it's own experience even when done with the same person the experiences will no doubt vary. It's ok, it's very ok to not understand what to do next, what to say, we're all here to explore each other. What worked for one person may not work for the next and no one is to blame for that. I am who I am and my kink is specific to me just as yours is to you.
No one should pretend to be something they aren't simply because it's seemingly more popular among the crowd, right? And this word, "experienced"...what does this really mean in the grand scheme of things? I'd really love to hear some perspectives, especially regarding roles.
Time for a walk, I'm done ranting about the chaos in my head tonight. Thanks for checkin it out though. :)
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Vanilla dating? Unfathomable! I've not been outwardly in the lifestyle for very long (comparably) but, I do know that I've experienced enough within the dynamic to not at all be content in a vanilla only relationship.
For some age-players they are simply role-playing or "acting" a specific age requested by their Dom/Daddy. For me, this is a package deal. My little persona (which is age 4) is ALWAYS part of who I am. I have no intention of ever eliminating her entirely from my existence. Sure, I can pull out my big girl mannerisms and carry on an adult conversation about things but know for sure that she is in the background listening patiently waiting her turn.
Do I have triggers that bring her to the surface? Absolutely! There are questions that are asked, scenarios presented or a written tone that might spark her curiosity or whimsical responsiveness. I love that she is part of who I am and no way does the vanilla world understand or accept this dynamic. To the unknowing or inexperienced vanilla I am looked at as immature, odd, psychotic, or at the least unusual. I assure you I am not immature in public, odd...(ok maybe they are correct on this but not because of the dynamic) lol, and psychotic is well..that's just harsh. The dynamic is unusual to anyone who hasn't explored it, experienced it or is willing to at least accept that it's part of a bigger picture.
So, yeah...date a vanilla? uh...no! (rant over)
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UUUGGGGHHHH!!!! I threw my lower back out Tuesday and am stuck here surrounded by a life waiting to happen and all I can do right now is watch it go on around me. There are so many things I want to do....times like these are when I miss having Daddy.
Daddy would make things better just by being here. Watching movies, playing wif Play-Doh, coloring, and doing my exercises (which make me cry but, daddy would wipe away my tears).
I'm sad today, sitting alone. ((sigh)) |
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Ownership, having someone remind you often that you belong to them, hearing the words, "You're mine", "my mimzi", or "I'm so glad you're mine". This a powerful dynamic that shouldn't be taken lightly because, for the recipient of those sentiments it affects every part of their being. There is a subtle difference in the way I'm communicated with that affects my head-space, heart, and soul. I long to be owned again. To hear those words from the lips of the one I adore. I want to recapture that feeling of elation again. Where, is mah Daddy? ((sigh)) |
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Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you disappear from contact without any explanation at all, no phone call, email, not even a text. For those on the receiving end it can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem.
Those who ghost are focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. Maybe they don't know what they want from a relationship, or the other person wants more than they are willing to give and rather than talk it through like an adult they simply disappear resulting in feelings of being disrespected, disposable, humiliated and betrayed. The disregard is insulting and the lack of closure maddening.
Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react creating the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. It can create a sense of emotional impairment where you feel out of control. You will not only question the validity of the relationship, you will question yourself, blaming yourself while tending to the psychological bruises and scars.
Don't be that person, be honest, forthright, and brave. Own your desires or lack thereof, converse like an adult. Don't lie or spare feelings, for sanity's sake offer closure to what was before walking away.
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We're so primal us human beings, always wanting with our eyes before engaging our minds and opening up our hearts. I suppose it's because it is easier and less sustainable to view someone physically; being that most are on this site when they're defenses are lower and desires are high. Rarely I suppose is anyone shopping around for an actual partner to get to know on a level beyond today. After all having an emotional attraction is driven by respect and value which in turn might fuel jealousy and who wants to deal with all that? I do. for me, emotional attraction trumps physical attraction because it yields the most happiness in the end. The absence of guilt and emptiness that comes after a "hookup" isn't worth it for me.
Emotional attraction fuels passion for me. It's when the kiss melds two stories together creating a possessive romantic drive that makes the sex more than just a release. |
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I tend to get hung up on my own appearance. I hate it...then accept it...then hate it again. Back and forth allllllllll the time. And BOOBS, don't even get me started. I wasn't blessed with an amazing rack so, I don't get to understand how it feels to be on either side of the fence. ((Sigh)). I do have a pretty awesome personality though lol. Like THAT matters on a this site. Ok,rant over. |
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I'm a babygirl, I don't "act" the part, I LIVE it. My inner little is part of who I am, she's a permanent part of my personality, she's always there. Sure, I can suppress my child-like urges when I need to but, I'm much happier when I am free to be little me. I'm child-like as I said, not to be mistaken as childish. I tend to be a bit more naive and somewhat innocent in the way I view things. I relate better to children at times than to adults and I find the simple pleasures in life absolutely fascinating.
What I'm missing these days that has my emotions running amok is my daddy. ((sigh)).
Daddy is a little girls biggest fan, having the wisdom and power he does to believe in me more than I do encouraging me to learn new things while being proud of all of my accomplishments along the way.
Daddy knows all my secrets, I trust him wholeheartedly knowing he will accept me regardless of my mistakes and flaws. Pity the person who messes with daddy's girl because he is my protector of all things real or perceived as a threat.
Daddy is my teacher, he takes me to new and exciting places, exploring new experiences including sexual adventures. He makes all my insecurities go away guiding me through this very big world. Of course there is discipline that happens along the way and I know everything is for my own good because I trust my daddy, he's my anchor. |
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I get that most sites like this one attract those looking for meaningless sex...and it's ok to want a simple hook-up or no strings attached relationship but, for crying out loud at least be honest with everyone involved right from the get-go. We're supposed to be adults here. (yeah I get that my profile indicates that I'm 4) but seriously! I'm NOT looking for a hook-up, I don't want to role play through your masturbation with me as a tot, I want to embrace my vulnerability and connect with someone who is receptive of the entire package. So, yeah....knock it off already.... please. :) |
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It's ok to be depressed and ask for help, there's no shame in that. What is shameful is the stigma that is attached to those who reach out. I was overwhelmed for a moment and needed the support and guidance of others. I'm not mentally ill I just needed help getting things sorted out and that's what I got. I've gotten messages from people on here who feel I need psychiatric care and meds simply because I am a little. Other's have noted that I should be on some daytime talk show as if I'm some anomaly or psychotic circus act. It's cool to be curious about the lifestyle choices others make but to pass judgement upon them simply because you don't agree? Well that just sucks. Don't be that person! |
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Communication is the key element to this type of relationship's success...to ANY and all relationships actually. Why don't people say what they mean, explain what it is they want rather than spewing out what they think I want to hear? Sure there are those times when people really don't know what they want or how they feel etc... for pete's sake then say that!
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| Age: 20 |
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Kentucky |
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