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Kblove6
Pan Female, 28, Santa Monica, California 
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Kblove6
9/9/2015 9:10:58 AM: “Bre said there's only one real adventure in this world. Love. It's finding the one person who makes you want to be better than you are.” ― Anna Katmore Over the last few days since getting back from my trip to Joshua Tree national park for the weekend, I've been telling some people privately that there has been a substantial development within my personal life that has caused me to need to reWho doesn't love tent sex, I mean honestly?) were were enjoying some snuggling while the sun began to warm up our tent and I was discussing that despite the Holiday I had the final two prospects to meet from the initial 'wave' of people that caught my interest. She assumed one of them was slave J since I spoke about our interactions frequently but he wasn't. He & I started talking so much sort of after my mental cut off date so to speak when I wanted to work through. She said she was looking forward to getting to know more about him, so with me having nothing to hide and almost always being an open book, especially to my two slaves I connected to the mobile hotspot and sorted my mailbox so she could read through our conversation and see how much we had in common and how interesting he was compared to most others.   I left her to her reading while I went to go rustle up some breakfast for us both and some much desired coffee. It took a bit longer than you might expect when a group of people are sharing just one modest 'cooking' setup for the weekend but none the less when I slipped back to the tent all I heard was sobbing and crying. My mind instantly goes straight to panic mode, what did she read? Had I somehow made a disparaging or crushing remark about her? All of these things seemed highly unlikely so that only made me worry more. Breakfast got shoved to the side and I worked at playing mommy domme and comforting her to figure out what was wrong. Eventually she looks up at me through tears, and sweet heart, I love you but you are not a sexy crier. But she says, 'You want to marry me?' and it suddenly came flooding back to me.   One night I had indeed discussed with Subby J my internal conflicts and nervousness about the subject. There was a fair bit of wine involved that night as I was riding high after a very wonderful night of playing with Shar and a partner. I very likely should not have even encroached on a subject like that with someone I don't know personally yet, but what can I say? The man is very easy to speak to. In one of the messages I had more or less laid things out like I have up above, the fear of what it would change, if it would ruin our wonderful arrangement, all sorts of stuff and she had just read all of it. The answer to her question came very quickly, I can assure you of that. 'More than anything.' was my retort and that was all it took. It was perhaps the least romantic, least planned out type of proposal of all time, but it was all we needed. For the record, since she uttered the words, we're crediting her with the act of proposing, even if it was asking me if it was what I wanted. It was there in a little tent in Joshua Tree national park that we forrest gumped our way into an engagement, and I wouldn't change that for anything. We probably could've played it a smidge more romantic, but it's just fine for me.   This was the monumental shift in my personal life that I have quietly explained to some of the people who I have been in contact with. With this shift I am taking time to focus on Shar, everything outside of my personal slaves is being put on hold. We have a lot of things to discuss and figure out how we want to evolve our relationship. It is possible that everything could change, or its possible that very few things could change, but there will definitely be some changes to our dynamic. It made me feel so guilty to contact the two men I had been scheduled for vanilla meetings, and less than 24 hours prior in the one case even! One of the slaves, we'll call him douchebag T responded incredibly negatively, but the other, Mr. Riflemaker handled it like an amazing gentleman that lifted me back up after the other crushed me down after I was already feeling so guilty for canceling or postponing.   We've had a few days to begin to allow the reality of the situation to set in, and thus far we are more determined than ever to make certain that we find something that works for us, even if it means we just keep operating the same as we always have. I know one concern of hers is that for quite a long time I have described my ideal scenario for a happy BDSM family would be to have a partner that was neutral to me, and we would both have a slave or two beneath us that we enjoyed together. I will admit to that having been ideal to me for so long, but ideals change and some people are worth changing them for. But equally true, she has long been my Alpha slave, she's ruled the roost when its come to managing the submissives I interact with and scheduling things around my life and keeping things running smoothly, if she wishes to spend time as my equal while we adventure together she will certainly have that opportunity to see if she thinks she would like to try out what I had described as my ideal scenario.   I won't bore the two of you that might still be reading this all the way to the end with even more minute details, but yeah, its stuff like that, little things here and there with a potential big thing mixed in that we need to discuss. I will not pull the TPE Domme card and simply start dictating everything how I want it, even if that might be the easier route. I view this as a renegotiation process of sorts and I think that will ultimately be the healthiest way to go about figuring out the next step of our evolution.   This Friday when we are both done with work we'll be heading up to San Fran for the night to tell her family in person, I'm not looking forward to it very much but it is definitely a face to face kind of thing that should be done. I'm hoping to drop by Folsom on the way back to the Airport on Saturday to snag myself a leather hat meant for a **real** leather daddy. It would of been of so much use last night.   Also, in keeping with tradition I like sending out my journal entries with little glimpses into my life and personality. I thought it only fitting to share two of my favorite videos together. They are both not serious and intended for humor. I will admit to peeing myself a little bit in one of them. I'll let you figure out which one.   Shakira we are NOT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y5ZN_vj_jsThis one is older, but I still love it. We combined our powers to demonstrate that El Dorko Numero Uno couldn't hang with us in the background.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI78bOjxL6I  

9/4/2015 5:08:46 PM: I'm feeling a bit better, still hopeful to be able to get out of the city for the weekend. On the flip side, I have some unconventional throwing knife practice video for you lovelies.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZBVLLdAkPA

9/2/2015 10:41:09 PM: This morning I awoke with an itchy throat and immediately had a fear that I would be coming down with a cold. It turns out that throughout the days my fear was quite warranted as I am now running a bit of a fever and my nose is more stuffed than the stay puff marsh mellow man. When I knew I was coming down with a cold I should of cut my losses and abandoned the day but I still attempted to follow through with an appointment with a slave who had requested to meet. A confirmation via phone call an hour before assured me were still on. Yet there I was, standing at the gun club on my own with a no show. My batting average is beginning to drop, though luckily the one shows promise to be a very fun play partner. The marine from the last journal entry has ceased all contact. I wonder what I said. I'm thinking tonight shall be an early night with some pampering from my personal slave. She goes into mother lioness mode when I come down ill or get an injury. It is very adorable and kinda hot until I'm banished to my bed for rest under threat of scarf bondage to keep me there. To those I frequently chat with in my night owl status we shall have to catch up tomorrow, for tonight is destined to be nothing but tea and some netflix browsing. Hopefully with a good rest tonight and my scheduled cleared tomorrow I'll still be able to make it out of the city and have some fun this weekend. Good night loveliesxoxoKblove6

8/29/2015 11:43:38 AM: Update time!I've added a few pictures to my profile. Some new, some old. I also added a couple new videos.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j-yLPM2fvk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFcX4isq2MSo far I have met 3 people that are local. Two of them have been very good experiences and one was kind of odd. The odd one met me at the LA Gun Club like normal and we chatted for about 15 minutes before he excused himself and left. I wonder if it was something I said or if I did not live up to his expectations. I try to warn people I'm not a stereotypical dominatrix but alas. The other two were very positive experiences. The one was the young lady I mentioned in a previous journal entry. She and I have a playdate scheduled for this evening that I think we are both looking forward to. She will be tasting a single tail whip for the first time. I think I will introduce her to the 3' whip this evening after a nice warm up.The other was an older boy, 35, who is very interesting to me. He is a former marine turned fire fighter with a passion for adrenaline chasing sports. Can someone say sky diving date!? Should be excellent. Though maybe we should start with bungee jumping. Like usual we met at the gun club and I have no shame in admitting that he out shot me 4 out of 5 rounds. Though I suspect he dropped one to me just to make me feel better. (FYI I don't like that.) He's a night owl like me and has an excellent way of helping to carry a conversation and keep me entertained. We haven't scheduled another meeting yet, but I think it'll happen before long. I still have 4 more people that I have agreed to meet with locally. Two are interested  in being chastity slaves with me as their keyholder. We shall see if they can manage to keep my interest. Another one is a giant of a man who is out of town for a while, but he's quite tall and I like that. I have visions of mounting his shoulders and being able to rule Santa Monica from a perch that high up. He looks from his photos like he'd be very pretty with lines of welts on him. On the non local front I have had two people seriously enter into chastity with me for long distance training. One showed promise but then flaked out when it came time for lock up and has not been heard from since. The other is promising thus far. He's in a 1 week trial run but so far he has met my expectations and occasionally exceeded them. I'd like to get him into a better device(Non hard plastic CB6000 style.) so that more long term chastity with me having the physical keys will become a reality but we shall see. So far he is fun to talk with even in a non kinky sense. I have also happily made a few friends that I simply adore sending messages to. Fun topics of conversation that range all over the place. One is a woman who I'd love to be able to get my hands on so that I may show her the true power of mental bondage, but alas she is out of my reach. For now. So that is the update over all I think. I'm going to slow down on my agreements to meet with people locally for a little while. If even half of the people I've met with or plan to meet with pan out, I'll have lots of play partners to have fun with, possibly leading to more serious commitments, but that is too far down the road. I also had a few random thoughts so far from my time on the site. I wanted to list them out sort of shotgun style. 1. Leading with a dick pic is never going to be the best approach. 2. Paragraphs are our friends. Please use them. 3. There is a difference between dominant and dominate. Please learn the use of each. 4. Your & you're are two different words. I promise. 5. Telling me all about the things I can do to please you is not going to be met with a warm reception. I do not care what you want me to wear for you. I do not care that you prefer the pics of me in longer hair. I do not care that you want me to shove a potato up your urethra while whistling dixie and shoving M&M's into your nose. 6. I promise, you are not the Dom of my destiny who is going to make me see the error of my ways so that I can be your slave. Even if you'll, 'allow' me to express my dominant side with others. 7. I got my fetlife profile completed(same name) and I must say I like the messaging system there much more than here. Way easier to keep track of actual conversations with someone so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle. 8. Spamming me with the same uninteresting one line message is not going to make me more interested in responding than it did the first time.I think that's about it. This journal entry got way too long, but yeah. There you have it, my brain dump after a few days on collarspace. Have a good weekend everyone! 

8/28/2015 1:19:40 AM: I feel as though I've earned a merit badge tonight. A poorly worded vague threat of rape from a creepy local guy because he should be my pimp. #awkward. Now back to enjoying Narcos on Netflix and debating on which class to play for D3 S4.

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MadamNatasha
 
 Age: 19
  Pennsylvania