Not too crazy about the new Home button changes. It used to be you could click on that to refresh the page with your settings. Now it defaults to "ALL". I am (now) only seeking dominants.

I know I know, what do I expect...

It didn't take long for some jerk-o-loser to chime in with a snide remark. I may identify as a slave, but until I AGREE to be your slave, I WILL RESPOND WITH ALL INTENDED DISRESPECT IF YOU DISRESPECT ME FIRST.

So I see that journals are back here!

OK...

Do I have anything to say? Yes.

Wil anyone read this? Nope...

Wow, in the few weeks since this site went down, there has been a significant downturn in profile traffic.  Not that I am such the package as to warrant high rotation, but it just seems like everyone who was here, no longer feels this site is a safe haven for us.

Has it been reduced to an ad-revenue generation machine?

Of course not, it was like that before.

I know I have had more attention over at the site that sounds like a life insurance company that uses Snoopy as a logo...

I will check in here from time to time, funny, that's what I said about that other site.

This was my home.  They say you can't go home again.  Yet there is an entire culture of the population "going home again".  Mostly because they can't find jobs.

Here's to CollarSpace for trying to fill the void.  I guess time will tell.

I want no power.  My limited power would end once I look into my owner's eyes, tell him what I cannot physically endure (limitations/limits), and then and only then would I raise my head to them and patiently await the installation of my permanent collar.

At that point, I have no opinions, I have no say-so, I have no power.

I will agree, or simply defer.  One of my catch-phrases is "I have no say on that matter, Ma'am/Sir".

My existence now is too complicated and I seek simplicity in service.  It is my function to serve/please.

OK, chat rooms are NOT for me...

I need to spend some time on this profile.  I need new photos, the ones posted are over two (or is it three) years old by this time, and I have lost a lot of weight in that time span.  My hair is longer (have not had it cut since then, but I desperately need it styled, maybe something more femme with some bangs perhaps).

That brings me to another point...

As far as my "search" is concerned, I am focusing on men.  I need to be with a man in order to cement my place as the female in the relationship.  I am bottom only as being top is (in my opinion) reserved for the dominant.  But with regard to women, I will happily discuss being owned by a woman if they are looking for a chamber maid to help them with pro-domme sessions, cleaning the chamber, etc., or if they are offering to assist in my transformation.

Men who will assist in my transformation are welcome as well, so long as they have a firm grasp on what it is to be female.

So feel free to contact me, provided you are real and sincere.

Going through a very difficult period right now.  I lost someone who was as close to me as I allow people to get (who aren't into owning me, playing with me as their slave, into the lifestyle).

What I don't need is someone making fun of a horrible situation.  I was in communication with someone who SEEMED sincere about me serving them long-term/permanent.  I know I have a lot to bring to the table and was looking forward to rendering my services to this person.  Until I told them about an ugly incident that happened sometime last week (I don't know the specific period in which it happened, I was only clued in during the aftermath).

They wrote back a bunch of smarmy, juvenile and insulting "jokes" at my deceased friend's expense.  No one likes a good joke more than me.

Too bad this person's jokes were in poor taste, poorly timed and frankly inexcusable.

That makes this person not worth my time.  I am still offering a few-limits (health issues) slave for use, and all people can do is take a horrendous situation and make fun of it?

Maybe I don't need to be a slave that bad...

I'm a slave.  This is common knowledge, at least to me and the people I have served in the past.

What I am NOT is stupid.

I will not take pictures of my genitalia and send them out to people on initial contact.

I am willing to throw my life away, once I find that person who will own me.  I am NOT willing to send out naked pictures, pictures of my cock, naked pictures with my face included in them.

Deal with it.

FYI - I swallow.

One more devastating, depressing and demoralizing encounter.  The ONE person I thought would be my owner has backed out.  Because I was honest with him about some health issues I have.  Didn't Obamacare make discrimination against pre-existing conditions illegal?

Yet that's what happened to me.

My one, great hope to keep going, to stay alive, vanished once I told the truth.  Maybe I should lie anymore, like everyone else does on this site.  Take down any photos that might reveal it.

Another case of, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

I'll kick around until my debts catch up with me, or my miserable roommates kick me out (I am waiting for the 'my girlfriend is moving in, so you have to move out' lecture).

I am available and seeking...  Until I walk in front of a train.

I want to post a journal about some people I encountered this week.

I want to name names to spare all my friends on CollarMe the time I wasted on these know-nothings.  I have been involved with this lifestyle before I even knew it was a lifestyle associated with sex, submission, etc.  When I was young, I had a medical procedure that made the Drs. splint my arms out at my side and I had cotton gauze packed in my mouth.  So in essence, I was bound and gagged.  Everyone in the pediatric recovery ward would see me and hold me and give me attention/affection in pity.

I took this as a positive reinforcement for being bound.

So I would distort childhood games with my playmates into bondage games.  Tie and go seek, etc.

So when it comes to proper behavior in this life, I may not know everything, but I know what is involved when it comes to common decency and reality.

As my previous journal said, right now I am not living femme because of my living situation.  I hope to find an owner soon, who wants to take me in.  When I do, I can get smooth and start to feminize and if my vicious roommate wants to throw me out "because I am a fag", then he can.  I will have somewhere to go, and won't care about losing this place.

I will have to give my cats away, one is old and will die soon anyway (this might kill him, but he will have to deal with it) and the other is a kitten who will adapt to new owners.

One so-called "domme" from Michigan demanded I get on cam when our schedules intersected.  I was not femme ready and she got pissy and won't talk to me anymore.

EXCUSE ME, stupid.  I have situations that won't let me live femme, why do you think I am looking to relocate?  A REAL domme would understand.

Next, there was a brand new member of CM, who came right out of the gate making demands and calling me names.  It became clear to me that he was not a dom, but a bully asshole instead.

Last, there was another ignorant male who came out calling me a sow.  I corrected him that I do not want to be called names such as that ever, much less in an introductory capacity.  He made good and said he would call me last night at 11pm.  So I gave him my number.

Fucktard never called, instead I wake up to two emails from him.  He actually thought I would wait around for an hour and a half until he was ready to call.  Then the second email was dated this morning asking if I was ready for him to call then.

I was ready at 11 last night.  I waited ONE HOUR (which I think is fair) and then went to bed.

I am a slave, I need to be enslaved, this is true.  That doesn't mean when you contact me I am yours immediately.  You will find me compliant when you message me, if you do so politely, correctly, and with respect.

So to all of you others who contact me, forgive me if I am weary of your approach.  But ultimately, you are paying for the sins of these three idiots.

Mind you, this site is not all bad.  I have been continually talking with one who seems sincere about relocating me and taking me in.  I have researched how I can get to him, and things seem to be going in a positive direction with him.  I need this, so bad.

I hope I am not setting myself up for my own destruction (and not in the good 'I am now a slave and cannot escape' destruction but the 'I have arrived at his town and he is blowing me off so I am alone and homeless in a new town with only my lingerie and make up to my name' destruction.

I need to make something clear: Right now, I am not femme-ready.  I am not smooth and do not wear femme clothing 24/7.  If and when I find someone gracious enough to take me in, I will begin preparations then.

You see, I share a domicile with a very horrible, mean and contentious bully.  They think they are doing me a favor by letting me live with them.  My femme clothes are hidden because if this person found them, they would destroy them, and then throw me out into the streets to be homeless.  I hate it here, but it is a roof over my head.

If and when I find my dom/domme, I will get smooth, find my femme clothes, and wear a T-shirt and jeans to travel to my new Owner's location.  I will even wear panties and as much lingerie underneath as I can accommodate depending on how I travel.  Once I arrive to my new owner's, they can burn the male clothing after taking me to buy female jeans, tight I hope, and at least one pretty top.

I collect SSI for being disabled.   Most of my disability is due to the fact that my emotional mindset is wrong.  I look male, but under the skin, in my heart, I am a girly girl through and through.

Does no one want their very own girly girl, who struggles and makes cute noises of frustration and terror under her gag while you watch her struggle?  Does no one want to be awoken with a blow-job, as often as they'd like?  Does no one want their girly girl to leave lipstick on their cock as she tenderly kisses the tip?

Here I am, tell me how to get to you...

I am home after being used, humiliated, tortured, and forced to perform oral worship.  I feel used and dirty.

All is right with the world.

I was put into sensory deprivation and inescapable bondage for over 2 hours!  A new personal best.  She tried to fuck my ass with a dildo, but I kept rejecting it and she stopped trying.

Overall, a disappointing series of events, but I got paid...

I will not be online much today.  Yesterday evening I got a quickie offer to serve a local dominant all day today and I am being picked up at 11.  They do NOT want me to dress, so it is a bit awkward for me.  My sub-space comes to fruition much easier when I am dressed.  But they are paying this worthless whore for her services, and I need the money.

In a way, I feel like a common street walker.  A dirty, filthy whore, sucking unknown cocks for money...

I LIKE IT!

Well, I just blocked and hid another dead-end/time waster.  Am I serious about what I seek?  You bet I am.  I will endure a lot as a slave.  Sucking cock, getting fucked (soon I hope), being tortured, and especially tied up.  I will NOT tolerate being led-on, being jerked around or having my time wasted.  THAT is what it takes to turn me into a bitch, the likes of which you can't comprehend...

I must be more serious about giving up my vanilla life than I first thought...  I found myself going through the lingerie I had packed away when I thought I was over being femme.

Turns out, I can never be over being femme...

In going through the lingerie (getting it ready for the wash) I found I had a lot more than I remember.  Of course I have less outer wear than lingerie.  It's only right, I shouldn't be clothed other than just lingerie anyway.

It was an awful lot to pack into the suitcase I chose, and when I start gathering other femme stuff (make-up, etc.) I may need to chose a bigger suitcase...

What are my best features?  I have been told my legs, and my ability to provide oral service.  I have an insatiable tongue and mouth.  I know that I am also highly compliant and submissive upon meeting.  I don't believe morals go hand-in-hand with this life, so I eschew them.  I present as a wanton slut, eager to take your cock or vagina into my mouth, to massage it with my tongue.  If you seek a sensual slave, immediately subservient, and eager to please you in any way.

OK, so yes, I do like romance.  But only as far as being tied up, gagged, blindfolded and THEN romanced.  Nothing like being bound, sitting on his lap, letting him molest me.  In a romantic way...  Just not all the time.

I put up some new pictures.  I hope they generate interest.  I am speaking with one dom who I hope will rescue me from my horrible life, denying who I am, what I am.  Only time will tell, but I fear time may be running out.  I am not getting any younger.

Those seeking a live-in slave, with no moral issues, few limits, and an eager sexuality as well as a never-ending yearning to live as a very feminine yet slutty captive, are highly encouraged to send a message.  I answer all polite and sane inquiries.

So I am back after many years off.  Was I having much fun? No.  Was I owned? No. Nothing as glamorous as that.  With me, it was more like life got in the way. I am at the stage now, where I am ready to shove life aside and pursue what I need, what I yearn for, my unending desire.

I am also thinking of changing my orientation. I have had offers from subs/slaves, but I am starting to think my place is more a sub with slave tendencies.  I can dominate anyone, but, my heart will not be in it.  You won't notice if you come submit to me, I will still give 100% to the scene.

I ask for understanding in the following areas:  If I say I am not femme ready, do not push to see me on cam.  I have some transforming to do, so right now, I am even less passable than when I try.  Yes, I have only been back a couple of weeks and I already had my first jerk try to press me into going on cam.

Once those transformations are complete, try to keep me off cam...

I have a new, nothing to lose attitude now.  I will still be safe, and go through the standard procedures in keeping one's self safe during the initial encounters.

But it sure would be nice to meet a few folks I could get to trust, so that I may hand them over an excited, eager and obedient being.