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I am married to TheWatchman13. my existence and exploration here is because He allows. Irespectfully request you read his profile to understand our dynamic. Do not ask for real time alone with me. He is always present as it should be.
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smiles... Slip sliding thru one too many stop lights this morning, I stopped at the hardware store on my way in to work. Being careful to stay upright on the ice, I just love how the cold wind whips through me. So forceful, urging me to be anxious and succumb to its force. Yet all I could do was slow, embrace his forcefulness and smile. Here for only a little but he'll return and I'll be here to welcome him... |
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this isn't right... the more i try to shutdown, to not feel, the stronger the need is and theres no relief in sight. to serve, yes. but to serve to silence, to noone? i'm not here to live in a fantasy world. i need to learn, to receive input and understand if my actions are pleasing, if i'm on the right path. this is the path to nowhere. am i'm so dense i don't take a hint? burn my flesh, throw the air from me, but if you have no use for me, please tell me goodbye... |
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the longer I'm here the further away I get from bdsm... why is no one real here... |
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I read a post last night... a Dominant tired of hearing what subs want, what do they bring to the table... i thought i was understanding this, but maybe not. i'm hungry to learn, desire to develop the connection that allows me to best serve You. in so serving to your desires, there is hope that it will fill an underlying need... to be used, the mental and physical. to satisfy that longing for pain, scared of it but accepting it for you, to release and float...
but what do i bring to the table... i'm realizing it it isnt enough...
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several times yesterday the sun would peak through the grey, causing pause from the chaotic afternoon, i hope Master could feel or at least see the rays... now it shines. they say the more it shines the worse the storms... let it shine warmth into Him and continue the rush within me... |
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it increases within, clawing, needing release. wondering how, when. pondering old ways. the heat of leathered fingers and fiery lashes. but it isn't my place to decide when. it is Master's only. if or when He allows. i have only to trust on Him. as the heat consumes me thinking i cannot bear it, pulling to the core, aching, crying for Him, PLEEEEASE!!! He allows me to breathe Him in, fueling the fire and still He sustains me. He is Master. |
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nothing forced
You know me. You already know what?s inside. You don?t ask questions to figure me out, you know. Instead of assigning useless tasks, you touch. the ache grows and You keep it constant. How easily you could give but you make me NEED to breathe you in. pulsing deeper. heated. churning inside and flowing over. I can?t contain!!! What was delicious is unbearable, how I hunger!! this girl kneels before You not because you demand it, because you allow it. You are her sustenance, PLEEEEEASE let her feed, let her breathe. ever so close, all I can see, hear, smell? but I dare not look... You are Master. please use me and allow me to serve
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WHY?! why do I take something SO easy andmake it so freakin hard?! every word contrived nothing flows. the thought disjointed. it doesn't say
what's inside |
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vanilla consumes, silences. the words won't flow... returning to you and that You would allow, it was my aha moment, without any reservation. and it was a crushing moment. to be so close, then resigned... i will surely stumble, knowing already i have. that you allow me to kneel before You and learn true D/s, may i learn to serve you well
September 2014
I have searched to understand D/s finding it to be superficial until finding a true Master. This girl is being trained by One who knows her, only because He deems her worthy. All I am is His, I kneel before Him to serve as long as He allows. |
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what she says to me...
follow and take what is given
do not resist
clearly communicate anything feeling
no hiding
show Him all… let Him in
no fear |
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What is happening. All I did was ask... anticipating nothing, only silence. But He was there, leaving me speechless. All I could do was breathe Him in, hearing the words but not knowing what He said. Thoughts swirled, it was finally happening... and the tears fall. Logical thinking gone and all I can do is feel...everything. The moistness gives over to the wet, He tells me and I do. Then in those private moments of the physical, connected to the one I know, giving and taking, being one... riding so high, filled and complete... I hear Him, whispering... to taste His sweetness, to taste her... and again I'm writhing, going deeper. What.is.happening... |
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| Age: 48 |
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Missouri |
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