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*Update*   Hi. My name is Rob and I am on a journey. To be honest I don't know exactl
AMark
Male Submissive, 42,  Chicago, Illinois

 

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BisexualFemale Switch
Age: 30, Height: 5ft 6in (168 cm), Weight: 165 lbs.
Location: Michigan
Last on 1/5/15 at 6:45 PM

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 AMark

 Submissive Male

 Chicago 

 Illinois

 6' 0"

 200 lbs

 42

 Caucasian

 11/04/10

 31 minutes

Actively Seeking:

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*Update*




 


Hi. My name is Rob and I am on a journey. To be honest I don't know exactly what I am looking for other than to learn, to make friends, and to figure out who I am and what I want.




 


As for what I know about myself already. I am:


 



  • Friendly but hard to get to know

  • Competent and capable

  • Someone that easily attaches

  • Trying to live an authentic life

  • A geek (I love Sci-Fi, games, and recently introduced to comics)

  • A lover of NPR (I can never get enough)

  • Intrigued by nearly all things kinky and "perverse" =)

  • Inexperienced

  • Verbose

  • Open to trying nearly anything and experiencing life

  • Terrified of needles, blood, well anything medical just makes me woozey

  • Filled with lots of random tidbits of information

  • Wanting to make friends


 


Please get to know me and help me add to this list.


 




As for my submission, this is still new to me. I have been lurking online for years reading and learning and I know that this is part of who I am but I don't know how it fits yet. I am professionally successful and have held leadership positions in the course of my career. I have learned that I do not want to be the leader. I am most comfortable in the second chair, assisting and helping. When I am in a meaningful role of serving someone else, I find myself content and happy.




 


However, just because I enjoy being subservient does not mean that I need to be belittled, treated like a child, or micromanaged. As I show respect to whomever I interact with, I demand respect as well. In having read threads over the years, it feels like my idea of what a D/s relationship should be conflicts greatly with how most female led relationships are described. If that is the case, I do not mean to be impudent but rather would like to just find the right person for me.




 


Thanks for reading. I will continue to refine this as time goes on, but wanted you to provide a starting point for you as we begin getting to know one another.

Journal Entries:
12/18/2017 3:03:08 AM
So much for online. Though I am grateful for my experience with her; chat and texts are not enough.

From now on, I am only looking for a relationship where there is actual human contact. It may not be at first, but I am expecting that at a point that trust has been built, we would go out and experience those things that lead to a long term relationship between adults such as coffee/drinks, dinners, dates, etc.

Also, I have decided that finding someone online is limiting; my goal in 2018 is to be attending public events, like munches. If I have the nerve, I will attend some events as well.

So, if you are local and you are looking for a decent, good, male sub for a FLR. Please say hi.

12/6/2017 1:51:41 PM
I have been asked by a couple of people what has happened since my last journal entry, which has reminded me that I have not been keeping this up-to-date.

In the last two weeks, I have been made to wear women's panties daily, though we have moved to sissy panties to better accommodate my gender. Surprisingly, they feel really good underneath my clothes. That feeling is only enhanced by the fact that looking at me as I go about my day, one would never know my little secret.

In addition to wearing panties, She has me plugged everyday as well. I already had a three plug starter set and so, I am to wear the medium plug during the day and when I come home at night I am to change to the large plug, because I have a difficult time keeping the larger plug in as I go about my day. The goal is having the large plug in when I move around the least will train my ass to better take the plug and keep it in so I only need to wear the large plug. At this point, both feel very comfortable and it is nice to feel full for Her.

Lastly, when I am home, she now keeps me naked. The only exceptions to this are, if I am cold, I may put on a top to take the chill away and if I am having company over, then I am allowed to be dressed as I would if I was going out. Admittedly, it was uncomfortable at first walking around my home naked, but now I am at a point where I enjoy the freedom of movement it brings. Clothes frequently feel constricting as I wear them.

Things are going well and I am enjoying the control She is exercising over me.

11/25/2017 3:22:59 AM
Last night I was told to buy women's panties, lace thongs to be exact, and that I was going to have to wear them once they arrived. 

My initial reaction to this task was one of acceptance. Simply I thought that as I go through this journey of self-discovery why not experience what wearing women's underwear is like. This feeling was followed up with an immediate sense of excitement as She and I were looking online at possible options for me to buy. I mean, why wouldn't I be excited, since I was again fulfilling a core need within me which is to obey and to please another. Though admittedly, women, I do not envy you when it comes to the task of buying underwear there are thousands of choices based on cut, fabric, and color. As a guy, I have it easy with only having to worry about four choices of styles of men's underwear...but I digress.

It took about an hour for us to find something she liked and I made the purchase on Amazon. (Let me just stop and say what we all feel deep down, 'Amazon is great!"...I can have stuff sent to me in two days for free) However, as I made the purchase and showed Her that I did in fact buy them, that I had a slight feeling of anxiety as she said she was excited for me to explore my feminine side. I hadn't considered that. I am very much a guy, I consider myself a guy, and I feel like a guy. Yet now I am being faced with the possibility of being feminized. 

I am not sure why I fear this a little bit other than because our society has taught us that women are inferior to men, and as a man this task is making more like a woman and thus sub-consciously as a man I am feeling as though I am become less? But the reality is that I am not being made less, if anything I am going to be grow and develop from this experience because I will have a very small sliver of a glimpse of what it is to feel like a woman and from that it can bring me to a point to better reflect on this issue.

As I have contemplated this journal, which She has required of me, I am coming to a point of eager acceptance with this task. What I wear and what I look like does not change who I am or whom I desire. The core essence of my identity is unaffected and so I can feel secure that stepping into another person's shoes [panties] does not make me different but rather allows me an opportunity to learn.

Finally, I am glad to be able to do this because ultimately it pleases Her.

11/22/2017 3:15:51 PM
Recently, I was chatting to a Domme on this site. She and I have been conversing for about a week when in our conversation she expressed what her grooming preferences were for her subs. In short, her preferences are them to be clean shaven above and below. As our conversation continued she told me that she wanted me to conform her standard. She gave me until I went to bed to do as she told and to provide her proof.

At the moment she told me what she expected of me, I was both thrilled and shocked. I was thrilled because someone was taking the control I have been longing to have taken from me. I was shocked because it felt so sudden.

Being clean shaven is not something new for me, but it hasn't been since my experience nearly a year ago that I have been so. We continued chatting for awhile longer before she said her goodnight and left me to my task. The experience itself was uneventful and it wasn't long until I was hairless. It felt good being clean. It felt good being without hair, it felt like freedom but a freedom only found through submission.

Today, she told me she wanted me to journal the experience. I can only imagine she is having me do this as an exercise to have others see me for what I am. For me to realize what I am and for her to enjoy watching me go through this transformation. The reality is, the hardest part of this entire thing is having to write this post knowing that others will read it and will make judgements (positive, negative, and neutral) about me. Why this bothers me, I am not sure since those reading this are all apart of the the lifestyle. Yet, there is a part of me that is embarrassed that people will know and still, despite this discomfort, I write this. I write it to face this feeling and I write for the one that gave me this assignment. 

I hope it pleases her.

6/24/2017 3:39:01 AM
Back in November I fucked up.

Days after I wrote my last journal entry I freaked out and had an existential crisis about who and what I am. Instead of reaching out to the woman who was helping me, training me, and grooming me I retreated inside of myself and did not communicate.

The result is that I was let go. I know I probably hurt her and at the very least frustrated her. After that experience I retreated from here. It has been 7 months and the reality is I cannot shake the fact of what I am and that I realize that I do not fit in traditional relationships or society. 

Yet, I do not fully know how to get passed this road block of just succumbing to my submission and excepting that to be truly happy I need to be led by and to serve another.

To my knowledge, none of my friends are in this lifestyle which means I do not have friends into BDSM/FLR. So as I return, my hope is to just find and make friends. If you are reading this and would like to offer advice, are seeking new friends, or think you can help me over this mental/emotional barrier I would welcome a message from you.


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