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Haven't posted in a while, so here's an amusing one: "Asian no limits slave for use by old men only." Uh huh, that makes sense. |
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"I have talked to many so called dominants and masters. Most, the vast majority, have no clue what this is about."
The arrogance of that statement is breathtaking. First, to presume that there is some particular "this" that "this is about" belies a narrow attitude. Second, to further presume that she knows this "this" and others do not is yet more arrogance. Needless to say, not the slave for me. |
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"Well am here looking for an honest caring loving loyal master who can take care of me financially"
Gotta appreciate the transparent gold-diggery, right? Almost refreshing. |
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First sentence of a profile here: "Please ready my hole profile." There's a 5% chance that is intentionally, and brilliantly, what she actually meant to say. |
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If you're going to describe yourself as "true and sincere" in your profile, then 5'4" and 45 pounds is not a good start. |
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"Always care for your submissive slaves,.treat them like a queen and show them little respect."
Without even commenting on the queen part, I bet this person has no idea how funny the "treat them with little respect" comment is. That is one critical missing "a." |
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Here's a new one: "Am a no limit slave and currently on birth control but got 2 hard limit which are scat and animals...."
I'm not sure which is more puzzling, the no limits slave with two limits, or the incongruous mention of birth control right in the middle. The entertainment here never ends, I tell ya. |
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'Am a no limit slave ... but got 2 hard limit'. That's quite an achievement, both grammar-wise and otherwise. |
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There's a profile here, "[hername]cuminme". Then she identifies as lesbian. Maybe it's just my lack of knowledge of the lesbian arts, but I don't think "cum in me" figures prominently into it. |
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This is about the most incompetently run website ever. Sometimes, but not always, when I look at a profile, the 'Logged in as' header changes to another user name. I guess I am 'MstrBD' now, at least for a minute. Ridiculous. |
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"Under consideration" = blowing some dude until you figure out he's got no sincere interest in you. |
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Saw a profile that had a meme posted that read, "A submissive is a strong, independent, talented, capable woman in her own right..." What a load of crap. Sometimes that's true, often it's not. Submissives are just people. Some are strong, some are weak. Some are independent, some are dependent. Some are talented, some are without any special talent. Some are capable, some are not capable. There ain't no magic halo that descends on you because are submissive. |
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If a female profile lists as 'lesbian,' then I hide it. Unless she's got hot pics, in which case she goes to the head of the class. |
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'I am owned. Let me start off by saying that.'
Mind you, this comes after two long introductory paragraphs. |
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'im seeking a serious man, who knows what he or she wants'
Shaking my head. There's no end to this stuff. |
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"Im ready to serve a master that can train a slave proper in his house and play all sex method....."
From Nebraska, you say. Sure. Sure you are. |
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Here's a good one. Profile starts right off with "IM A WOMEN OF MY WORDS." Setting aside the multiple grammatical errors, how can that be taken seriously when she lists herself as 5'8" and 60 pounds? |
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"I’m not interested in anyone under the age of 86..."
Good luck with that one, baby. |
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'Interested, honesty and reliable master should contact me and chat with me. Because am not ready for any stupid word.'
#facepalm |
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If you set your filters to show female slaves -- Lord knows I do -- you will find any number of profiles that fit an oddly specific pattern. They are from South Africa or Brazil, they feature one photo of a fit, big-titted girl, completely naked but non-sexual, and the story goes like this. They want a cruel, demanding owner, but it will be online only, never any means of communication except for messages here, and they believe that 'most won't know how to do this.' Control has to be extreme, but there will never be any deeper contact. And the whole thing is always written in passable English, but with a slew of grammatical errors and quirks.
What is the point? Why is some person, or are some persons, creating these profiles? Doesn't seem to be a money scam or hacker move. Weird. |
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Saw a profile on which a slave professes to "live for" fishing. Live for, huh? That's pretty damn kinky, I guess, in some inscrutable way. |
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The quickest way to expose the "send me money to relocate to you" scam: tell her you will fly there and pick her up. Works every time, and instantly. |
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Got to like the profile here for Diana0852. Apparently she can be reached at YIM as Nicoleanderson0852. |
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I see a lot of profiles saying something like this: "I want to be eventually 24/7 live in no limit slave. No rights. Just property."
What is the 'eventually' all about, exactly? Sure it takes some time to get to know each other. But I usually read these to mean I'll be sorta kinda submissive to you to get started, and let's see if I let you have more control down the road. That makes no sense to me. You're in or you're out. |
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I was just reading back through my own journal. Damn, I am amusing. |
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'I am Honest Loving Caring Daring Decent Kind Heated Considerate...'
The profile goes on a greater length, but let's be honest. Once you know that a slave is heated, isn't it kind of hard to top that? |
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"Men go to bulk unless you're incredibly well endowed and black"
Now there's a slave who doesn't really grasp how the bulk filter mechanism works. |
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Damn right I have limits. No semi- / un-literate slaves. Good god, why would I own this? And it is by no means the worst. Probably upper half, if we're being honest.
"I'm a respectful and obedient lady and seeking for a very honesty Dom Man/Daddy to start a new life with and grow old with the person forever, i seek for only serious person that will be able to owned me and relocate me forever no matter any condition, i'm not here to play mind games or joke, all i want is a man that know what he want and ready to start a new life with my kind of lady..if you're interested after reading my profile you can message and let talk more better, stay bless as your read....." |
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Here's a nice one: "limits are no scat golden showers breathe or water play fisting wax knives blood needles bull whip canes no kids or animals no sharing im in search of a dominant man who wants total control"
As short on logical consistency as she is on punctuation. |
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''AM HERE FOR A GOOD MAN AND SERIOUS MAN NOT PLAY MAN THAT WILL TAKE ME AS IS SLAVE THAT ALSO READY TO RELOCATE ME ?''
Seriously... wtf??? |
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Here's a good one... they claim the 200 of them have spent endless hours running fake profiles... and yet don't seem to see how utterly pathetic that is. Oooh, they got those guys, and how ~lol.
http://www.collarspace.com/personals/v/2392501/details.htm |
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Someone's entire profile: "Please no one liners they will get deleted and blocked... ThankYOU"
#IronyAlert!!! |
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Does it seem to others that this site is programmed by a bunch of amateurs? Maybe a high school class project, fueled by "web pages for dummies" and redbull or something. My current favorite: why is that when one person clicks "Add to Favorites" on a profile, it comes through as "Admirer" to that person? Did the two people working on that never meet, never discuss, never collaborate? |
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Training, training, training. So much is written about training. 'Ive been trained to do this, that, whatever.' I find all of that to be nonsense. There's no training to be had here. There's just experiencing things. You need to be trained to, what, 'serve anally'? No you don't, you just need to get used to having something in your ass. To kneel? Hell, how many humans don't know how to kneel? To serve? Fuck that, just do it. What a bunch of hooey. |
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Do not demand in your profiles that I be respectful, or courteous, or any other such thing. It is not my responsibility to present myself in any way to conform to your expectations. In fact, I'd say just the opposite; it is my responsibility to present myself precisely as I am. Your responsibility is to determine if you are drawn to me or not. If you're not, hey, that's perfectly fine. It wasn't my ambition to put every female on the planet under my thumb. But I will not tailor myself to fit your needs or expectations.
The funny thing is, I am almost ways respectful and courteous, of my own volition. Just not interested in being told I must be such. |
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I am particularly amused by photos of women who obviously are in budget hotel rooms. I'm not saying you're a cheap whore... oh, wait, that's pretty much what I am saying. |
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'I am a 27 year old white mom. I'm separated. No children.'
Now that is quite a feat. |
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Here's another one: 'MEN-stop writing me,don't you know what a lesbian is?????????????????'
/facepalm. So now the global standard is that one may communicate solely with others who are attracted to one's gender. Does that mean I may not send a fan letter to Ellen DeGeneres? And then there's this whole imposed responsibility thing. She doesn't want to hear from men, so it is every man's responsibility to steer clear of her? Oy. |
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South Africa is really making a run for the spam championship. |
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I like the females who list certain "Hates" on their profile. It's like they are leaving the keys sitting right there next to the lock. |
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'Under consideration'... translation: sucking some dude's cock until he tires of you. |
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'MEN GO TO BULK NOW. DONT message me'
What a dumb-ass. If they're going to bulk, what do you care? |
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Based on a couple of messages, I need to clarify. The quote below is not mine. It was from a profile I came across. I thought it was awesome to see so many spelling and grammar mistakes in a rant about spelling and grammar mistakes.
My new favorite spelling & grammar rant:
I am a sociopathic pain slut with a genious IQ. Please do not annoy me with comments that pay no attention to proper spelling and grammer. I am intellegent; you should be too. (Hint: a lot = 2 words... "spelt" isn't a word, and i do not approve of "threw" being used instead of through.) If you do not know the difference between a proper abbreviation and horrid internet slang that is poorly misplaced, go back to school; same goes for not knowing what a homophone is and how to use them properly.
Good Lord. And 'spelt' is a word, dammit. |
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Here's a fairly typical profile entry: "Not so sure what to think about all this anymore. i am not seeking anything on line, thus, again, real time meet essential. Please read my profile before sending a note, i am not here to chat and accept friend invitations."
In the context of this site, you know what that's like? That's like a 'vanilla-world' person saying: "I'm here to get married, so I do not accept phone calls or dates." Good luck with that. |
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From a profile: 'Any real man has the balls and the means to abduct me and break me and force me and mold me to be his slave...
My limits are: not into scat, golden showers, kids, animals and mutilation( blood and breath play)'
Uh huh. 'Cause the guy who's gonna abduct, break, force, and mold you cares about your limits. |
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From a profile: "Immediate obedience, without hesitation... Unconditional surrender... unable to relocate."
~LOL~ |
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How come after someone selects the option for "slave" they still have options for sexual orientation? |
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I have learned this. You can clear away a ton of irrelevant clutter by changing your settings to see only those people 25 years old and up. |
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So many slave/sub profiles with paragraph after paragraph of *things I like...* Blah. No need to discover this. I already know what I like. |
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BBW. I'm sick & tired of BBW. Big, sure. Woman, arguably. But every damned big woman is beautiful? I don't think so. |
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Today's comment is directed toward all the "NO MEN MAY CONTACT ME!!!!" lesbians. WTF? I seek out women, same as you, but I do not forbid men to have contact with me. What are you afraid of, girls? |
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I have to chuckle at the many profiles warning readers that use of their images is a privacy violation and subject to legal actions. Foolish people. You lost that protection the minute you uploaded your pics to collarme. |
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I am amazed that Ghana is not yet empty of all females. |
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