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| Released from service 3.10.11
After doing this "stuff" for 21 years, I have given up.
To be owned & collared once is enough for me.
I'm No longer owned and/or collared.
I'm NOT looking for anything.
I'm here to keep in touch with PLATONIC friends ONLY.
Thanx!
I'm just a girl who likes:
*being a puppy (just a beginner, would love to learn more)
*bootblacking (just a beginner, would like to learn more)
*service oriented
*domestic - cooking, cleaning, laundry - etc.
*being a girl
*being a friend
*being helpful
*knitting
*crocheting
*camping
*origami
*travel
*visiting museums
*history
*learning languages: foreign (French, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese) & programing (C++, Perl, Java, VB...etc)
*is Jodo Shin Shu Buddhist & Shintoist
*follows 8th fold path, Kami Way & The Bushido code
*a Mom :)
and much, much more :)
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Getting Fit - Classes I attend at the gym
I go to the gym Monday - Friday
All the classes that I take are 55 min long
with the exception of spin which is only 45 min.
Group power - 2x's
Step - 2x's
Cardio Combo - 1 to 2x's a week
Muscle Challenge - 1x
Cardio Dance - 1x
Spin - 1x
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If my clothes are getting bigger, I am sliming down and the fat is going away am I gaining weight???
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I know that many people feel that objectification is degrading & humiliating. I myself never understood objectification until I met and served J.
I am very glad that we used objectification in our dynamic. For me it removed the human out of the equation. So, that helped me to never feel embarrassment or shame. I never felt humiliated or degraded. I was the "object". I was what ever he needed at the time to meet his desires.
In our dynamic, my role and place was his collared slave and his owned property. I was his girl who was a slave whom would be any object that he desired me to be for his wants, needs, desires and entertainment.
I think being service oriented helped a great deal with this as well. Not to mention all the time, effort, patience and dedication we put into our relationship.
For me having the proper mindset and focus helped a great deal. The boundaries, protocols and rules that were in place helped to keep structure. They helped to lesson possible stress, anxiety and panic.
For myself, it was about being mindful. It was about being in the moment. Focusing purely on his pleasure and just being. Learning to let go of self consciousness, self shame and self embarrassment. There was no self, but to only be the slave, property and object.
Everything that he desired me to be for his use was in my mind service. It was just being his slave, his property and his object.
When being his footstool, all focus was on being the best footstool to please him. A footstool doesn't wish to be a couch or a chair. Each item in the living room has a specific use.
The same goes for a slave who at the moment was being its Masters three hole pleasure object. The three hole pleasure object would not be thinking and focusing on how it would love to be its Masters maid at that moment. It would focus on being the best three hole pleasure object it could be. Focused on its Masters pleasure. Focused on obedience, serving and pleasing.
I loved being my Masters object as I was able to be what ever it was that he needed. To be slave to his will.
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I am not angry. I hold no ill will or resentment towards you. I will never regret the time that we spent together. My life continues to be enriched by the time you were a huge part of my life. Right now, everything is very fresh. Right now, I am not able to really communicate much with you as we have in the past. We both are dealing with a great deal in each others lives. I will always cherish these past few years as your collared & owned slave.. I will never see the time we spent together as a mistake. It has been a wonderful journey. One that in time, I would like to restart again as the best friends we were before we met in person 8.08. It's not goodbye, but until later. Mata ne my dear friend.
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Starting now, this will be the year of "ME". This year is about working on my current health issues: gyn, orthopedic, dental, triglycerides and weight related.
I am determined to be be physically, mentally and emotionally fit. At least working towards that goal.
Everything will take time, focus, patience and determination.
For now, there are only two important things in my life: myself & my boys.
Not to say that dear friends and family aren't important, but ya know. ^_~
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For the past six years, I have been putting my efforts into the past thee relationships that I have been in.
From each relationship, I grew and learnt more about myself. Each relationship on the whole were positive in my eye. They each had their bumpy parts, but life isn't a smooth ride. There are always bumps, twists and pitfalls along the way.
It's what we do when these hazards knock us down is what matters. It's how we react to the situation that is in front of us.
Nothing in life is a mistake regardless the outcome. There are always lessons that have been learnt.
I can look back and see the many positive and joyous memories that each of the most recent relationship have left me. I am forever grateful for the time they were in my life. I hope that I was able to leave some positive footprints on their hearts.
One of the biggest things that is helping me at this time is all of my wonderful friends and family. Thank you all for support. Thank you for not placing blame on myself of J.
Things like this happen. It's life. Everything has a beginning and an end. Nothing is truly forever. So, enjoy the present and try your best to not project too much into the future or you may miss out on a great deal.
People come and go in and out of our lives all of the time. We never know for how long or how short. The best thing to do is to make the best of the time you have together. Leave nothing to regret. There are no should haves and could haves in life. Life is not a dress rehearsal and there are no do overs.
So, put your best foot forward and live life to the best of your abilities. Strive for excellence rather than perfection.
As long as you are doing your personal best, that is what truly matters at the end of the day.
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This past Thursday - 3.10.11, I was released from service by my Master. I have been having a hard time of it all.
For the past 2.5 years, my main focus has been his pleasure. That no matter what I did, it was for my betterment, what I had been taught and trained to do by him. His way was my way.
He owned all of me. Every bit both inside and out. Working towards complete surrender, submission and enslavement.
Everything was service, as long as it would please him. Everything was connected to service and pleasing him. All of it being connected...aroused, wet and excited. Orgasms.
They were his orgasms. I could only have two a week. Once during tasks and once other wise. Like if I were plugged and harnessed.
I had nightly tasks and daily task reports. I feel lost. I crave to please, serve and obey him.
Sleep is hard to find. Panic attacks. Ibs acting up. Acid reflux acting up. Depression.
I am released, but in my heart, mind, soul and body...they are still his.
I had finally completely opened up to him and that last wall was knocked down and then this.
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Being service oriented SUX!!! |
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One word to explain how I'm feeling:
Discarded:
past participle, past tense of dis·card (Verb)
Get rid of (someone or something) as no longer useful or desirable.
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Sometimes; when a relationship ends & you truly have no idea what happened, it's easier to just blame yourself for the relationship not working.
At least in your own mind, you'll get some closure. |
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I'm in denial, shock & disbelief.
It's all still sinking in my mind, heart & soul.
Trying to sort it all out in my head, but it's not working.
I MISS him & STILL adore him from the depths of my soul.
It will take time, as it's only been since 7am on 3/11/11.
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In life, nothing is forever.
Everything has a beginning & an end.
Somethings end sooner then we would like. It's life.
It happens.
Live, learn & grow from every moment in your life.
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Looking for the silver lining...
On the bright side, being released will help take my mind off of the upcoming LEEP & NovaSure procedures that I'm having on the 13th of next month. Also, the fact that I have little to no cartilage in either of my knees, water and floating bits in them too. On top of a possible herniated disc in my lower back. I'll find out more when I see an orthopedic doctor.
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mySirsgirlDFO is very thankful for her high pain tolerance, as she wouldn't know what to do if she didn't have this. Nothing would get done this week. Thanx to an ovarian cyst who is being a sadist. :/ |
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The Puppy learns a valuable lesson the hard way...
slave thought of how it knows and has known what it needs to do, what it should do, how it should do it and why it should do it.
That when slave tries to do slave's old ways, which aren't Master's ways, that is slave's way now, that slave ends up in a panic and meltdown and that slave's old ways are very harmful to slave's well being in all areas of it's life.
slave was thinking that Master very much needs space and time to work on everything that has happened. That slave has been given the tools & that Master isn't gone and hasn't run away.
That Master is busy, tried and drained.
That Master has still checked in with his slave, read emails, listened to slave. slave is reassured by all of this. slave feels as if it's growing as a puppy and that at first the puppy felt it odd to not feel Master right next to it, having Master keeping a tight hold on the leash, but now that Master is still there, just the leash/lead is longer and the puppy is being given more freedom so to speak and Master is seeing what happens and how the puppy will react.
The puppy ran amuck, got scared, tore things up, got into a tantrum and reverted back to when Master had just adopted the puppy. All the training the puppy had, some how went right out the window. The puppy knew it's Owner went out, but paniced when there wasn't a need to.
The Owner had hired a pet sitter. There were food and water down, a nice soft bed & a puppy flap on the door. The puppy had a nice big fenced in yard to be kept safe in.
The puppy had the pet sitter to come in and check on the puppy & make sure it was okay while it's Owner was away.
The puppy made the Owner's house a mess and ran the pet sitter ragged.
The Owner wasn't pleased at all when he came home and saw all of the mess that the puppy made.
The puppy kept it's Owner up all night with it's begging, crying, tearing things up and so on.
So, the Owner put the puppy in the outside yard. The puppy had a nice puppy house out there, with food, water, shade and everything else the puppy needed.
The puppy again had a fit, becsuse it couldn't see it's Owner and it begged, yellped, dug holes in the dirt, tried to dig under the fence to escape.
Then it heard it's Master's voice and the puppy came running. The Owner didn't speak much or stay long, but the puppy was reassured.
The puppy had it's new place in the back yard.
The Owner always made sure that the puppy had food, water and ways to pass the time while apart from it's Owner.
The puppy finally realized that it's Owner wasn't going anywhere, that the puppy was growing and learning.
That the puppy had to see that it didn't need the constant supervision of it's Master and didn't need to have it's leash held at all times, that at times, the puppy was safe in the fenced in yard.
Free to run and play & to stay within the boundaries, follow the rules and protocols. To do what it was taught and knows what is best for itself.
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I WILL stay the course:
to continue doing something until it is finished or until you achieve something you have planned to do. |
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Life goes on...
keeping up with chores, taking care of myself, going to the gym...
my boys, spending time with them & helping them with homework...
doing tasks and reports...
keeping the daily routine...
doing what is needed, desired and demanded...
doing what has been taught, what is known to be best in all areas of life. Deep thinking, after venting...
but is that too late? |
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Cheese fries & buffalo wings are needed NOW!!! |
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I <3 being my Master's horny, focused, cock sucking puppy whom will please, serve and obey it's Master without hesitation, embarrassment or shame. :) |
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I <3 being my Master's slave, property, object, plaything, toy, pet, urinal, whore, slut, maid, cook, 3 hole pleasure object, foot stool, whipping post, stress release, maso toy and anything else that you desire your slave to be to meet all of your wants, needs, desires and entertainment. |
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The puppy's "inner slave"
The puppy's "inner slave" hides inside it's crate that doesn't have a door. & it peeks & looks.
The puppy gets embarrassed, self conscious and shameful of it's new feelings, thoughts & reactions.
The puppy knows this is what it has always wanted, needed and craved. So, why resist, fight and be as stubborn as it is to surrender, submission and enslavement?
The feelings, craving, needs and desires are growing stronger every day to please, serve and obey without hesitation, question, embarrassment & being self conscious.
The puppy gets that warm and fuzzy feeling in it's belly, heart and mind.
The puppy very much likes these feelings and thoughts, but gets embarrassed by the way it makes the puppy feel aroused, wet and excited.
The puppy does enjoy the calm, peace, contentment and balance that being Master's property, slave and what ever Master desires it to be for him.
The puppy is still very torn inside itself.
The puppy knows that it needs lots of discipline to help it from being resistant, hesitating, embarrassed, self conscious, willful and disobedient.
The puppy needs help to stay on task, proper focus, proper mindset, proper attitude, proper behavior & proper choices - to always do what is in the puppy's best interest in all areas of it's life - to do what it knows is the right thing to do and what it's Owner/Master has taught it to do.
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I'm trying another attempt at knitting a sock to completion :p |
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What's up with people using "u" and "ur" instead of "you" and "you're"? |
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My scale says I weigh 164 today :)
For a total of 18 lbs lost since the 12/03/10.
Only 39 lbs to go :) |
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YEAH, weighed myself this morning!!! I'm down to 168.8 from 182.4. Total: 13.6 lost
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Happy New Year to all of my friends near and far.
Here's to a year that is filled with joy, contentment, peace & good health!!!
Thank you for enriching my life, by being a part of it!!! |
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*runs around all excited and stuffs*
My Master wrote this on my wall on another site:
"I'm very pleased with my slaves attitude and behavior. My slave has done well and I enjoy owning such a fine slave."
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At the gym today: I did incline push ups, work with barbells (squats,lateral raise) step, crunches, treadmill, worked on the machines (legs, arms, shoulders) & stair stepper :) for a total of 2 hours. :)
On the stair stepper, I was able to get my heart rate up to 170 :) Not that I have any clue what that means, but it sounds good :p
My bp is 110/80 :) |
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10 pounds down, 45 more to go :) |
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Just a note to help me keep track of my weight loss via the gym's scale
12/ 6/10 - 182
12/13/10 - 178.5
12/14/10 - 176
12/21 - 172.5 |
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I love the fact that going to the gym and eating healthier is helping me to loose weigh and tone up. The only downsize to having a shrinking middle is the fact that my boobs seem WAY bigger!!!
Tomorrow is my 2nd day with the trainer. After that, I have one more meeting with him. I'm anxious about it, but all will be well. I feel like I'm back in school and taking a test or something. |
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I've recently joined a health and fitness center - HeathTrax is the company. I joined 12/03/10 & I've turned into a gym addict :p
I take step, group power, cardio dance, zumba, cardio combo & yoga. Each class is 55 min.
I take two classes on Mondays & Fridays and once class Tuesdays, Wednesdays & Thursdays. On the Sundays & Saturdays, I try to do the Wii fit plus for 2 hours.
My biggest problem right now, is eating enough healthy foods & drinks, so that my calorie isn't half of my calories burnt.
Yesterday, I had my first meeting with the trainer at the gym I attend. I found out that even though I'm overweight, that I'm in pretty good shape overall.
My body fat % is 38 and to get into the healthy range, I need to get to 34%.
My blood pressure is now 110/80. It used to be 120/80. The trainer said that's good too.
The trainer showed me how to use the circuit yesterday, so now I'm able to use the machines when I go to the gym.
I joined the gym on 12/3 and have already lost 4 lbs. So, I'm very excited about that and can already notice a change in my body from the way my clothes fit. :o)
I want to loose 50 pounds all together. The trainer says it's doable.
I'm keeping a food diary and an exercise diary. Thank goodness for the app on my phone, as it makes it ever so easy to keep track of these things. I used to do this longhand, but would always forget to write things down. |
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It took me a while to accept that I didn't have to my relationship like others. That I didn't need to pine for the house, white picket fence, two children and a dog. That I didn't need to get remarried and move in with a guy to feel complete, balanced and at peace. I have all I could ever ask for and more with the way my life is and it gets better all the time. I have my boys and a man with whom I am able to spend a lifetime of bliss with. I love him with all my being and he knows what I mean when I tell him that I love you. Three little words that hold a lot more depth and meaning then anyone would ever know and one that I don't feel the need to explain or defend as the one whom needs to know already is in the know. |
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Thanks to my Master...
From the depths of my heart bubble up all the contentment, peace, balance & all over life betterment. They positively overflow into all areas of my life and have helped me to let face the past, deal with the past and leave the past behind. They are helping me to see that the world isn't this HUGE big scary place. They are helping me to like myself and to have faith, believe and self cofidence in myself. They are helping me to learn not to hide from the world and things in my life that cause me to spiral backwards and end up in a deep depresion. I have you to thank my precious Master. I am very blessed to have such a Master in my life who believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. A Master who had faith and trust in me when I had none myself. A Master who had patience in me when I didn't have any in myself. Thank you never allowing me to give up on myself. Thank you for all of your guidence, discipline, punishment, beattings for holding your slave accountable when it has made poor choices & poor behavior. Thank you for helping your slave to see that yes, you know that life is hard, but to help slave see that it's harder in the end to not do what you know is in one's best interest. Thank you for all you do, all you've done and all that you continue to do. Thank you for helping me to learn the simple joy and freedom from being a slave: Your slave.
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Rambles...
Learning to face the past, deal with it all and move on is a constant struggle. In the end it will be well worth all the work to be able to become stronger and have less fear at the end. Peace, balance and contentment with one self in all areas of my life. Learning to accept all of myself and know that I don't have to be anyone's version of normal. I can love but it doesn't need to be the same kind of love another has for their special one in their life. It's perfectly fine for me to tell him that I love him from the depths of my heart and for him to say I have deep feeling for you. It's honest and sincere and I know he has genuine care, concern and friendship for me and it doesn't matter if he doesn't use words people assume he should use or stuff. We are what we are and the present is what matters and giving our all to each other, ourselves and our relationship. Enjoy the now and not where we may or may not be years or months from now. The freedom to be and give you're all to another without fear - totally open, exposed and vulnerable. Who could ask for more? To be completely accepted for all that you are and will be? |
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| Age: 21 |
| White Settlement,
Texas |
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