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Another collarme/space fail. IF ALL YOU WANT IS KINK, MOVE THE FUCK ON. |
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And I just ordered some pleather pants. |
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Wow, it's been nearly a year since I posted here. And I forget this site does not update age, so I just did that. I am about to be 47. |
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I made a new friend yesterday who reminded me what it was like to be attracted to someone. I was beginning to think it imposible to feel this again. Maybe I'll open the door a bit to give someone a chance. |
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For the future, when I'm open to starting a relationship, please refer to my journal entry of 5/22/15. I won't jump into an ownership situation right away. |
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I'm taking time to get my house in order, so to speak. I haven't been focused on my needs and getting distracted by possible connections is not helping. I'm sure it's why I've been so ambivalent about starting a relationship.
So I'll keep this door open for friends. Take care all. |
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About 20 years ago I had a dream of me making jewelry (dream as in dreaming at night). I felt like it was something I was meant to do.
Well I've been doing just that for about 8 months now, and I'm proud to say I have set up a display of bracelets for sale in a local hair salon.
On to the next thing... |
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Look. I'm "all about that bass," so if that bothers you, go talk to someone else. In other words, don't tell me to control my waistline or call me a "fat fuck" when you feel rejected. |
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Really guys? Fire ants on your cock and balls? That's THE cliche of all cliches. |
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Wow! I had a VERY bitter few months.
Things are better at this time. I'm finally facing a terrible thing that happened to me seven years ago. It sheds a lot of light on my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. More to come. |
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Trust. Hope. Desire.
All of these things get mixed up for me. This past year I either trusted too much or not enough.
"Don't trust to hope, it has forsaken these lands.*" That sounds about right. My experiences with flakes for the past five years added to my run-ins with two pathological liars this year have made it nearly impossible for me to trust anyone who says they want to get to know me. I've really been struggling this past year in general, so I know that my own self-doubt clouds my ability to believe that someone might be even the least bit interested. It seems that I'd also rather push someone away than be hurt again.
What's ironic, in a sort of sad and not at all funny way, is that, at my core, I am an eternal optimist and idealist. Even when my ex husband chewed up my trust and spit it out time and time again, I stuck with him, trying to make it work for almost a year.
I'm not sure I even know myself right now.
(The Two Towers is one of my favorite all time movies).
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To save us both time: I cannot relocate. I will not attempt to create a relationship via distance. You should probably, therefore be no further than two hours away. And from experience, one hour away, or less is the optimal distance. I will not drive to you until we are in an established relationship. And for the love of God: imposters, flakes, and those trying to get their rocks off with me need to just move along. I am finally wise to the pretext of: "I am moving to your area in a few months..." Um, yeah, if that is really true, I will consider having a cup of coffee with you AFTER YOU MOVE HERE!! Otherwise, be a man and seek services from a Dominatrix, either in person or online.
I hereby release myself from giving polite responses to the above types of inquiries.
In addition, I pretty much do not respond to messages that only contain a question if I like this or that kind of kink.
Sigh, I am aware that my inbox will now be empty most of the time. I can live with that. |
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Here's a response I just sent someone to explain why I was turned off by his emails. I feel like this may be the best way I've put my needs so far:
Hey hun. Sorry for the no response to your emails. I felt like you came on very strong and I don't like to talk about fetishes or needs with someone I don't know. I need someone to be about 90% vanilla in their relationship- directed overtures with me and just 10% with the kink. |
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I am reminded that flakiness is not exclusive to the kink community. |
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My last user profile:
Ok. Back here, editing my profile, so back to the drawing board. I've given it some thought, and having just a servant/slave just won't be enough for me. By that I mean I want a relationship of sorts with my partner. I want to be wined and dined; worshipped and adored. I miss the days when someone was enamored with me. Sigh
I would, however, rather be alone than be in a relationship that won't work.
I typically don't rush to meet someone. I like for that to evolve naturally.
I'm still not interested in your fetishes. This statement only makes sense if you've read my journal entries. To sum up, I will not send a random stranger a pair of my panties or a box of my poo and so on. And I'm not into having a toilet slave. |
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Another bit of advice. When you fall out of contact with me, then send me a text out of the blue with no explanation for your disappearance, don't expect me to send you a picture. WTF?
And then don't call me "difficult" when I question why you want a picture of me. Hmm, maybe you've forgotten who I am or what I look like and just don't want to admit it, huh? |
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The ultimate in laziness?
Lying in bed, browsing profiles, and sending emails to random strangers who peak my interest in some way. |
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I just realized a pet peeve. And I think saying this will take me off of a lot of boys' interest list.
I do not want to make someone my bitch. You can be my boy, pet, sub, slave, toy, or plaything. Please stop and reconsider your use of that word. It has a very negative connotation. Is this a word you really want to use when you say that you venerate women?
The end. If you do not like this, then run, run far far away. |
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I realize I haven't posted in a while.
The newest experience? Someone sends me a copy of their profile, with a description of every Domme's dream of a slave. First of all, send me a personal greeting. Secondly, I don't believe this kind of unicorn exists except in books or online.
Naturally, because experience has been the best teacher, I require a personal visit before engaging in a lot of back and forth emails. And, a directive to not write back if you don't want to do this.
So when I get the response where I'm basically called an idiot only confirms my suspicion that this character is not well suited for me, and perhaps is not even real.
Furthermore, it appears that he did not even read my profile first. What does that tell you? |
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So I was trying to coordinate a play date for some breast play (which I love), and then the fella didn't write back. Seemed fine until I said I wanted to have an initial meeting, to vet him of course.
What gives? I thought being safe was sexy. |
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Hmm. Funny how a picture of a strong, muscular man with a huge cock can turn me on. |
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Good grief! Enough with the one-line kinky propositions!
I will NOT cane you, spank you, fuck your ass, torture your cock and balls, or shove a sound down your dick just because you send me an email. |
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Look up bullmastiff Scrooge on that vanilla video site...
you're welcome |
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I am tickled by the notion some have that there's only one way to be dominant. |
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Hi there friends, admirers, stalkers (lol). I'm doing great! |
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Wow. So I stopped talking with someone barely three weeks ago, and he is already "happily owned." Some people work so quickly it gives me whiplash just being an on-looker. And then I'm relieved because individuals who do that scare me.
And to clarify, (on 12/14), this entry is not about loss. Quite the contrary. I feel like I dodged a bullet.
And to further clarify (12/17), I have actually experienced this twice. |
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FP
When will I learn not to talk to Doms who say they want to be a sub or slave for me?
The last one STILL had a Dom mentality: when I wasn't ready to talk on the phone when
*he* wanted, he called it off. Who's prerogative matters here anyway? |
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And another thing, I am not impressed with your "oral" skills or that you can "do oral for hours and hours."
Tell me about your organizing and house cleaning skills...that's a quicker way to my heart.
Lol |
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I used to trust so quickly and believe so easily, but the multiple cases of third degree burns have left me skeptical.
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Old wounds
Can't have more kids folks. Just a friendly reminder. Good luck |
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An update on my girl crush. Her girlfriend broke her heart (again). Of course now she says she is through with dating. Surely she'll recover. |
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And another warning label
If we start texting on the phone, I will require a face picture.
And...a real live phone conversation. |
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Another date, another disappointment.
I really knew better than to put so much of myself into it. But he was kind, comforting, and reassuring. He said he wanted to be mine and I believed him. It was silly of me to let it go so far so fast.
NEVER AGAIN.
You silly boys ruin it for everyone else. |
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If you love someone else, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be dating. |
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I guess an update is due. I learned that my crush is already seeing someone. |
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Someone critiqued me for not considering the soul of a slave, and then he concluded that that is the reason I don't have a slave or sub.
Here's maybe my best summary of my outlook.
I'm not in any kind of hurry. I have wonderful family and friends. I have hobbies and long term goals I am working on. I'm happy with "just me."
And here's what I Do want:
I won't compromise on what I want. And what is that? Someone who understands why I'm demanding and particular. Someone who can spend two-four days with me a month. And only focus on me during that time. As in my desires and wants. I won't cater to what I perceive as someone else's fetish, especially if I don't hold the same interest (or to the extent that you do). I want movies, flowers, shopping trips and jewelry (to the extent someone can afford these. I'm surprisingly not materially demanding, well not much, lol). |
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Will have lunch this week with my crush.
I'm terribly naughty. I imagined her wearing a cute maid uniform, etc, and she looked delicious in it! |
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I've had a crush on a friend of mine going on two years now. I've asked her to come over and watch TV sometime, and she said yes. Not exactly a date, per se, but it's definitely something.
She IS beautiful and petite with blue eyes and thick, long brown hair. She wears heels a lot. Yes, I've noticed her just a little. |
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Why is this website so addictive to me you might ask?
Sometimes I open collarmi and get emails which gives me a rush. Therefore, I will only open emails two to three times a month. |
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Aside from right now, I'm taking a break from collarme. I'm addicted. Collarme, I can't quit you!
Lol |
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Just fyi, in case you're curious about my interests, and this is not all inclusive: CBT, strap on, bondage, spanking, light whipping, being served, foot/boot worship, cfnm, tease and denial |
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New "boy stories"
Feeling proud of myself. I was tempted to call an ex as I drove past his neighborhood on the way to church, AND I stopped myself. I don't want to forget the lesson I've already learned: if they're not interested, don't chase them! And I've also realized that he has too negative an outlook for me anyway.
I call that a double win. |
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And again
I do not perform or do tasks for money. |
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Update on the same d-bag.
His response to me calling him a flake and saying no way: "you don't know anything about me."
Good grief. If I don't know you, why would you say we belong together? |
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Humph. The same d-bag who has been flaky with me for going on three years now just contacted me AGAIN. Sheesh |
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Hey, if you know you can't afford to drive or travel to me, but you say you want to meet, um, why bother in the first place? There's this fella who's been wanting to get together with me for two months now, and so when I say, you'll need to make that 45 minute drive to me, all of a sudden, he doesn't have the gas money. A word of advice? Don't waste our time. |
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Alrighty then. New rule, or the reinforcement of a rule.
If we go on a date, or more, and you get all flaky, I WILL be posting newsworthy particulars about said date.
That being said, I had a date almost two weeks ago. A get-to-know-you kind of thing. We ended up still hanging out with my friends at two in the morning. I was kind and let him stay over instead of driving back for an hour. Big mistake. There was a problem that I would have addressed when I saw him again. But, you know, Flake...
At any rate, the next time I wake up and a boy is whacking off in the bed right next to me, I'm getting out the duct tape and taping his thumbs down. |
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Some books you just have to put down, even if you never get to read until the end. |
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Haven't written in a while...
As part of feeling aggravated with this whole thing, I changed my profile to indicate that I just wanted a slave at home to do my bidding. That outlook was a reflection of my fatigue from hoping for a relationship with a sub male. I really, really wanted that to be true.
Well, that did not last. It went down like this. I exchanged emails with a boy who said he only wanted slavery with no relationship. Perfect, right? I found myself asking him questions, though, out of interest and curiosity. I wanted to know a few things about him. And I realized, again perhaps, that I am just hard-wired to be relationship based.
So there it is. I do want a lifetime relationship.
More to come. |
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Here's a rule for you all.
Please do not ask me to provide any service, not even a few words to humiliate you on here. I don't perform acts that meet your specific fetish, not even for money.
Being creepy in one of these ways will get you blocked.
That concludes this public service announcement. Have a great day! |
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Me, on the kink-life balance:
"I want to have things to do with my partner when we're really old besides beat his wrinkly butt." |
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Had a good meeting today with my most recent fella. He expressed regret for pulling away and flaking like he did. We talked about my needs and expectations, which was good for me to clarify. I thought we were on our way to mediating a way for our relationship to continue. But it's not meant to be. Unfortunately for me, he has grown to embrace his sexuality, which he used to think was bisexual. Well, it's not. He's gay. We made a great connection over these past several months and had a great time, so we will remain friends. |
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Ok. So here's something a friend has told me before and just reminded me of again: part of my personality is that I'm direct and candid; I know what I'm feeling and I'm not afraid to say it; and most of all, I want answers. I want to know where I stand at all times, and I want to know NOW, or even yesterday. How very bold and Domme-like of me. And I also have this tendency to expect others to be the same.
So, um, yeah. Submissives are not very like that.
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In an accident tonight. Pretty shaken up but able to walk away.
Feeling lucky... |
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Hmmm. Was just told by a "slave" that he's "gonna rip ur white ass apart." I think he's confused.
At any rate, blocked... |
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Another reason I want a committed relationship with a sub...
No more collarme and no more dicks and ass pictures! Lol |
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So, today as I was talking to a coworker, she pulled out some lip gloss. A cute coworker, by the way. We chatted, and she put the lip gloss down, apparently waiting to apply it after I left. I must say that I was disappointed. I wanted to watch this adorable young woman put her lip gloss on!
Oh yes. My bisexuality is alive and well. |
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Nothing much going on really.. |
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Birthday was this past weekend. Very wonderful.
Newest picture is of a ring I bought, courtesy of an admirer. |
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My birthday is in less than two weeks. Holler at me if you need gift ideas! lol |
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Well. An update.
Doing some better. Haven't thought of my flashback until tonight.
I've thought about my aunt and her family quite a bit. I will miss her at family functions and for the holidays. She raised her two granddaughters as her own. One of them still lived with her. She is really suffering. I will worry about her for awhile I'm sure.
On a brighter note, I now have two new pairs of boots and will take pictures of them soon for posting. |
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I was startled today. Had a flashback to the time I was raped twenty years ago. A coworker and I were discussing a client's experience. And then, boom! I was shocked that the inventory of my whole experience is still crystal clear. |
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One of my aunts just died. I'm lost. |
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I've bought both pairs of boots...and I'll most likely keep them both.
Yup. Champagne taste, beer budget. |
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Regular, knee high brown boots?
Or cowboy boots?
Wondering which to buy.... |
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Feeling rather optimistic even though my caseload has doubled! |
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October 19 is the Gun Rights Movement's Strap On Day.
Bwah hah hah! |
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I do not do pro work for money. Don't ask. |
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Hopefully some good changes happening. My folks are buying my house, which I will rent, and that will get my ex off my back about the mortgage. (That happens tomorrow!) Then my dad has said he will help with some upkeep around here. Very nice. I also plan to go after my ex for more financial support for my daughter. She deserves it! |
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Lots of ups and downs this week...all in my vanilla world. |
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Had a disappointment this week. Oh well. |
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Had a diagnostic mammogram today. I'm all clear! Yay! |
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Played with a friend tonight... This is how many clothespins I managed to get on him...(see picture) |
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Just remembered I have a negligee and heels for a boy to wear... |
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I'm afraid of ending up like an ole cat lady.... |
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If I have wished you luck in a one liner, brief email, one of two forces are at work:
I genuinely like what you have to say and hope the very best for you.
Or, see above and add, secretly I want to jump your bones.
If I say Sweetie, that means move to Texas. Lol. If I say Hun, that means I like you, good luck, but stay where you are.
There are, of course, exceptions to every rule.
Much of the above is tongue in cheek. What is true is that I sincerely do hope the best for others... |
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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her she's beautiful. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her. |
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In case anyone's wondering, I'm definitely finding my kink again. I'm sure I only lost it temporarily due to a period of depression and going through menopause. |
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I am happy to say that I am in a relationship. Yes, I am very satisfied, pleased and fulfilled...by my vibrator.
Gotcha! |
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Isn't it fun when someone pushes you away when actually they need you? Yeah I didn't think so either, but I have a teenager, who is also female...and so that is my fate. |
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Went to the liquor store today and bought some essentials. I want to drink mojitos, daiquiris, and margaritas this summer. Now I just need a cabana boy to fix the drinks. Lol. |
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Just to clarify...I like the idea of teasing someone who's "caged," so to speak. It could also be one of those plastic locks that's numbered.
More clear? Good. |
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I think I'd like being someone's keyholder. We may never meet, but I'll know whether it will work. The chemistry has to be right.
You must have a good sense of humor, patience, and be trustworthy. |
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Thank you to my old and new subbie friends. You redeem the name sumissive! |
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Dear AppDoc
To my recollection, you told me we could only be friends. I have no idea what you're talking about. |
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And I think I forgot strap on. How could I forget?! |
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So what do I like?
Let's see. I like harnesses and gags. Leashes, collars, cuffs. Spanking. A little light flogging and light CBT. clothespins. Teasing. Vacuum suits. Latex. Being served. Directing someone in housework. Bondage.
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Late child support payments should carry a late fee! |
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So I have no idea how to post a second picture without deleting the other one. And here's the scary part. It was way too easy to copy my picture from another website to post here! |
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Lost my "sexy" picture. Whoopsies. |
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Profanity will get you blocked.
If you want someone to "peg" you, get a damn professional.
Yes, I can be profane when I am irritated.
So, bugger off you "do-me" types! |
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It seems the Internet is going to hell in a basket...there's just no honesty. Lol
Yes, I'm kidding.
So a guy who's been trying to pick me up from the cougar life site accidentally texted me about buying baby stuff. Um, married much? |
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So I posted a picture from a couple of months ago. Yup, it's sideways. Whoops. Guess that's what happens when you pick something off your phone.
The profile pic was taken by an amateur photographer friend three years ago. |
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Ugh. I'm sick and unhappy about it. |
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I want my next love affair to be epic... |
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Penises and asses are all starting to look the same to me... |
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"Moths flying out of my inbox" means...my inbox is so empty and unused, it has moths.
Just checking to make sure we're on the same page... |
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k.d. lang...listening to her music always awakens lesbian feelings in me...lol |
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Wow, really? A ton of emails last night and tonight there are moths flying out of my mailbox... |
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Depression...I'm not married, but I still lug around a ball and chain. |
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I'm starting to understand more and more the "do me" sub personality. I consider myself lucky to have had two great D/s relationships. I hope to have another someday.... |
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Just say No to whiny bitches! |
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I need someone to wrap my presents! |
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The tumor is benign! Woot! |
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So hard to get motivated. I just feel like staying in bed all day! |
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Yay! Surgery is complete. I'll get the final results tomorrow or Monday. |
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Yay! Surgery scheduled next week... |
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Good things come to those who wait!
I think I'm finally convinced. |
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Sore tonight! Note to self...do not run late to dance class and miss warm up! |
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The tumor is benign!
Yippee! |
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My daughter made breakfast for me this morning and served me in bed! A sub could learn a thing or two from her! |
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Biopsy today...results Thursday |
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For those of you keeping up with my life...I have a biopsy this week. It's probably nothing, but I'm still kinda anxious... |
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Is anyone liberal? Or at least believes in women's rights? |
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Sure would be nice if the cowboys won today! |
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Feeling off kilter this afternoon. .. |
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Where IS my motivation??? |
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In Austin and so worn out. Maybe this fatigue is anxiety?
Oh and I learned today that I have to get more tests done. Might just be a cyst, but I'm still worried. |
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Still waiting to be rescued apparently. ..
I so need to get over this fairy tale complex. |
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If you want to stay on my good side, don't EVER tell me to "just get over it." |
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Ok. Better now. I'm accepting the fact that my ex has me over a barrel and I have to refinance the house. My depression about work has abated. And I'm glad I made the right decision about that sub. I called him bigoted. I realize that I should have just said that the things he said sounded bigoted. But he called me a leftard. Doesn't that just prove my point? |
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Here I am in my effing hour of need and no sub. |
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I think I give up...again. |
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I'm thinking that if you go on a date with someone and they don't call, don't ask you out again and don't text unless you text them, then it's bad news. Am I right? |
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any divorce attorneys on here who might answer a question for me? |
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Have the house to myself. Must be time for my weekly, um, personal entertainment. |
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Making myself delicious... |
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I saw a cute boy on here and was about to tell him so...then I looked at the rest of his pictures. And there it was...the penis picture. Ack. Now I can't say anything at all.
A good (male) friend of mine explained to me that if a guy sends you dick pictures, it's because he wants you to service him. Got it. |
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A boy emailed me on another website promising me great sex (that's the edited version of course) culminating in the cum dripping off my chin.... wtf?! He obviously watches too much porn. |
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Going on a date tomorrow night! And he's a sub! |
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I've also learned that monogamy is important to me. |
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Finally. ..a sub who knows that a good Domme is hard to find! I can't tell you how many subs have put their jobs or the distance ahead of me.
And I have learned that a loyal sub is hard to find! |
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Loving the rain and thunder! |
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So my crush, whom I've decided I'm happy to be friends with, told me tonight that I'm a sweetie. Is that good, or is it the kiss of death? I guess I still want more than friendship. ..lol! |
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Back home. Need some boys to fan me; it's so damn hot! |
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So funny...I woke up horny and thought I'd do something about it...then I remembered I was in a cabin full of family! |
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So I must admit I have a little crush on a friend of mine. And now I'm so distracted by it. He and his girlfriend just broke up a week ago. *sigh* |
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So, a stupid ex wrote me last week, begging me to call him. That he had learned the error of his ways...
I talked with him for four days and then he disappeared again...just like before. I guess it's true. A leopard does not lose his spots. |
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Trying to decide what to do tonight. ... |
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What a surprise. (Note the sarcasm) Stood up tonight for a date to meet over drinks. No big. Still going out to see a band later. |
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Yay! Spanked a boy tonight. It was exciting, and I haven't forgotten how to do it! |
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Stressful afternoon at work. I think the kids would be great to work with if it weren't for all the parents! Lol...note the irony... |
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Well I've gotten one empathetic email and one asshole email about menopause. "At your age the baby factory should be closed." What a dick. |
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Daughter's bike was stolen. Total bummer. |
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Got a bit of bad news recently. Still trying to deal with it. Baby factory is closed....
I could care less if you reject me for that...and you know who you are...I don't want anyone who doesn't consider my feelings about it. |
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I start my new job in a week! Only two more days of retail hell...10 1/2 hours.... |
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Men who approach me fetish-first annoy me. |
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I have admirers with good wishes, even a love poem, but no chocolate or roses today. Maybe next year will be different. |
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I'm depressed tonight. I hope tomorrow's better. |
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I just met someone with more drama than me. What a relief! Is that bad to think that? |
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Wish I had something interesting to talk about. |
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Kiddo's been sick. Not a fun week! |
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Tonight, I feel hopeful... |
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Maybe I should stop my subbie search in favor of a vanilla man who will clean and who likes a dominant woman? |
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*sigh* the Queen cleans...
Some thoughts: Doing my bathroom tonight. Sprayed down the shower with cleaner. Those little scrubber bubbles better do their job! The toilet? Why do I have to clean under the lid? Who's going to be looking there?! Aiee. Honestly though, I'd rather be cleaning the bathroom than vacuuming the carpet! |
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Thinking of you made my day... |
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Lol...the boy who went "poof" asked Me about blackmail. |
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You want to impress me? Learn to write well. Say you're looking for a dominant woman, not a dominate one...don't go all sour grapes when I tell you I'm already talking to someone.
Yup. Those are some key points. |
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Someone brought up the prospect of blackmail with me. He disappeared when I queried about his greatest fears. I ASSumed being discovered would be one's greatest fear and thus would be the basis of any blackmail. |
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Time to fold the laundry. It is my least favorite chore! |
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Need to talk to my tenants tonight and remind them that rent is a requirement, not a suggestion... |
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Finally feeling a little bit better... |
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I've been sick now for several days. ..ugh. |
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I got an email tonight from someone with "nasty" in the user name. I was afraid to open it, lol. It's fine though. The email was PG... |
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Finally decided to give in to this cold and not go to work today. The manager asked me to give two hours notice from now on. It usually takes me that long to decide whether to go in when I'm sick! I could have called at 630 when I got up! |
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Ok...let me clarify. The penis pic is in his profile. I only added him so I can look at it whenever I want. He did not send me penis pictures! |
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Guess what! I added someone to my favorites based on a penis picture! Wow, what a hypocrite I am.... |
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I don't know why penis pictures surprise me so... I guess they fit the context in a bunch of naked pictures, but not so much in a group of headshots. |
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FYI: I don't need assholes telling me how much weight I should lose. I am being realistic with a goal. If successful with my lifestyle choices, the pounds will melt off. And I'm going with the encouragement of a personal trainer/nutrition consultant/slave who told me I'm already beautiful inside and out.
Assholes get blocked. |
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Thinking about changes for the new year:
Spend more time with my daughter
Eat more fruit and vegetables
Start dancing again
Lose 20 pounds
Take my licensing exam
Spend less time on here (lol) |
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Failed at studying this morning. At least it's a short workday. Maybe I'll be productive tonight. |
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Gave the kitchen a good cleaning this morning. Felt good to get it done. I'm finally caught up with it since the party and daughter's illness. Well, I still need to sweep and mop, but the counter is clear and looks good. Don't get me wrong, I hope to have a boy do some deep cleaning of the cabinets, floor, and fridge, but I remember now how good it feels to decide on a task and finish it! |
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Last night was fun...I made a new friend, and we're like two peas in a pod! We played with another friend of mine together. I spanked, flogged, and paddled him to tears! Aftercare was nice too. I can't wait to hang out with my new friend! |
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Yay! Going to a kinky party tonight. Hope to swat some butt while I'm there! |
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Ok. It's boring and mundane, but I am hereby complaining that I'm about to clean the kitchen. |
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Another one bites the dust? One wrote to confirm our appointment then never reads my response? Strange?
And then I'm home with a sick kid...it seems to just take over my day when this happens. Hate it for her when she's sick. I won't deny that I hate it for me. I can be selfish after all. |
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Excitement
Yearning
fear
Shyness
Girly stuff I'm feeling |
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If the mess is any indication...the girls had a blast! That and all the yelling, giggling, screaming last night also are good indicators. |
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The party has started. Now I can relax. Later I'll have a beer. And oh yeah, I am hiding in my room. |
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Feeling nervous about having all these girls over. Aack! What have I done?! Got sick to my stomach and so called into work for the day. Daughter did a little cleaning this morning. Maybe she'll do some more. Trying also to work on my motivation today. |
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I'm tired of conversations that revolve solely around kink. |
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Another boy was supposed to come today to help, and he wanted a trial run with me. Well, what a surprise. He hasn't been back in touch since Wednesday. I'm getting up. Got a long day ahead of me... |
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A boy on okcupid has been emailing me questions about my comfort level with dating a guy who's bi...and he cut right to it: would I date a guy who sucks cocks? Lol...if he only knew. As long as I can watch... |
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The boy did NOT show. Grrr |
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The clock is ticking...will today's boy show or be a no-show? |
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Bored now...but too tired, lazy, and or cold to do anything about it... |
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I think I have the cleaning thing covered. Thanks to all who've offered. |
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Need a boy to do cleaning this Friday. Preferably nude. |
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As it turns out, I had zero motivation today. |
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If you're looking for something "real," you're bound to find a woman with not only pride and confidence, but also with moments of doubt and hesitancy.
And that's just how it is. |
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Yay! Slept in til seven this morning. Going to do the chores that hopefully, someday soon, a boy will be doing! |
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I promised my daughter a slumber party for her birthday. ..lol. ..now I have to deliver on that promise. I'll have two days off before it.. think I'll spend one day creating order and one day cleaning. Maybe a boy I know will help me. That would be nice. My house stays largely neglected because I don't believe I should have to do it. The Queen does not clean! |
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Weird...I was sending a compliment to a boy...a perfect stranger with a nice body, intelligent profile, and huge cock (and I usually don't like those pictures, but they don't seem to bother me when they're buried in other profile pictures), and I found that he had blocked me. I've blocked one or two people for being a nuisance. Guess it's karma. Just thought it weird since I've never even written him before, and I like sending nsa compliments. |
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I want to be more like the forward, confident, assured woman I remember being a few years ago. A measure of that confidence would probably help me get a job! |
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Another day off...time to work some more on finding meaningful work. |
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Off today. Been reading and sleeping. Yay! |
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Have I become too suspicious? There's a delicate balance between being open to new possibilities and protecting my time and heart. |
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Lots of local boys on tonight. Yay! Y'all do exist.
On a down note: was going to hang out with a friend tonight, but he's sick. Now what? |
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Heard back yesterday from one of my job inquiries. Keep your fingers crossed that I'll be considered for an interview! |
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Went out last night to see my favorite local band! Yay!
Now if I could only get the guitarist into my clutches.... |
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I'm actually a sweetheart, with a good helping of evil on the side. |
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A little down today.
*my daughter is staying another night at her dad's
*have to work today
*ran into a guy last night who ignored my advances a while back. I still am crushing on him.
*and mostly: talked with a friend from the past who didn't know some of my job problems. Talking about them brought me down.
On the upswing: maybe I'll take this chance to go for my PhD I always wanted. |
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"Most of the Mistresses seem to be in Dallas." (From a boy in Houston)
Another boy in Houston wrote me that there are more women than men in Dallas and more men than women in Houston. So yes, therein lies this longing to be where all the men *seem* to be. But I can't do Houston! |
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Yes...to respond to an email...car shit is a big deal to me when my worldview says slaves should care for the car care. Silly boy. |
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It is PAST time to get out of retail! My vacation request for my family's Christmas celebration was "Refused." No explanation. |
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So, I had to replace the battery in my car last night. Dealing with car issues sucks rocks. |
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Another day, another flake... |
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There's a need for physical and chemical attraction of course, but just how much should a sub make demands or critiques about his Domme's appearance? |
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I don't "do" chat requests. |
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Arrrgh! Are all the boys in Houston? Sure seems like it... |
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As they say, be careful what you wish for. Received this comment: "nice round, fake boobs." What the heck? |
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Just finished applying for two positions. By the end of the day it will be a total of five. |
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If I tell you my other website I'm on, and you go and look, you really should leave some comments or message me back here. Don't just lurk. |
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Hope my daughter adjusts soon to this time change. Waking up at 430 and 5 just plain sucks. |
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One job app done so far today |
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Very interesting out there tonight. ... |
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Apartment is now rented. ..yay! |
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This week I plan to apply for jobs, hopefully rent out my apartment, and do something for my health. Go Me! |
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I'm tired of ass pictures. .. |
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