Master and i have been communicating with a couple, that on first meeting were very nice. As we chat and determine interests of each other, it is a nice diversion from some of the more mundane tasks as well as aches n pains of late.

We all think she would make a nice pet for me to work and play with as we incorporate a little training with a few new tricks that they have listed as... "curious about"... on their profile. i am looking forward to being a bit of a mentor, teaching her a few new tricks as well as serving our Masters with her... side by side.

Good luck to us all! It is nice to move forward with different aspects of my vanilla responsibilities. It seems every time i get over one medical issue, i have at least one to replace it. i am so tired of visiting every specialist doctors offices, and yet forced to continue pushing to get in to be seen! All i can say is... Aaaarggh!

But i am still working hard at getting better. Master sees improvement, so that helps. Actually it is nice that i see it as well. i have been visiting two of those calorie counting websites with handy dandy iphone apps to help me. For about 90 days i have been faithful to recording what i am eating. Trying to walk more. and in that time i have lost a little more than 15 pounds. So i am now back to the weight i was when my profile pictures were taken, so i was quite happy to update my profile weight to reflect that.

It has been ok'd that i be careful, pay attention to my body and i can start back in with some free weights and swimming. Now i just need to make sure i work it into my schedule on a daily basis!

As a new friend would say...

Mahalo!

lucky

Yesterday i got my first physical therapy for my most recent ankle injury (the left one this times). And i am using all the PT exercises to also strengthen the right ankle i had surgery on almost 2 years ago. i never did get PT for it, and i know it has never gotten even close to being what it should have been a pretty close to full recovery.

i am being true to the therapists exercises... and my fingers are crossed. Here is to the hopes of full suspension in the future! And maybe even wearing some high heels again!

lucky

Fibromyalgia is the diagnosis.

Found out yesterday. Thought it would be upsetting because of the actual condition...  but i was more afraid of just being pigeon holed because the Dr's gave up trying to figure out what is wrong.

So now i will sit and read, and find out what i can do about this.

lucky

i dropped a heavy tool on my toe.

wish it were an interesting story... like... i was packing to go on a  weekend safari into the desert so Master could spend the weekend tying me from the rafters and trees. Maybe...

He had me building my own neck and wrist stocks so the he could have me follow off-roading as he had intentions of of taking hot and nasty pictures of a willing slave as she folllowed him anywhere he would lead her, knowing the use and abuse she would endure. for the whole weekend....

But noooo...

i picked up a duffle bag, knocked a bar clamp off a table, it struck me firmly on the big toe. Big toe is now a hurty purple-y blue monstrosity that is making me limp. Just hoping he will not have to drill a hole in the toe nail to release the pressure building up with the swelling, and internal bleeding.

yeah, if you really wanna know, just ask.

if you really wanna understand, listen.

recuperative journals suck,

not sure that anyone reads a darn thing that is posted, if it is in the profile, or in the journal...

based on the emails that i do get anyway. oh well.

and if someone did read these... they would know that i am being honest to my nature in calling 'em as i see 'em

OK, continuing my efforts to maintain an honest and hopefully recuperative narrative of my service to Master.

Part of the reason for the journals are to keep me active... and searchable... on the CM site. My thought on this is that anyone who is looking for a "real" person that is actually interested in the communication necessary to live and grow in this lifestyle will know that it takes more to thrive than what i call "wank material" when we email or chat.

It is also kind of obvious that based on my writings, i am not just a one dimensional perv searching for mindless online role playing.

Of course that is also assuming that people are reading my profile, and/or my journals... and learning a little more about my qualities than just what shows in the pictures that have been posted here.

Speaking of pictures... my pictures in particular. MY current physical and mental state of mind is making it hard to focus. Hard to motivate myself consistently. i am currently even a little more flighty (and fight-y) than usual, lol. But unfortunately it has put me in a state of... excess poundage. I can say that the most recent picture posted in my profile was taken in April of 2011. But i have gained a little more than 10 pounds since then. Cant say exactly how much... don't wanna get on a scale. i know it would do me no good to get on one, when i can not stick to a regimen for more than three days in a row. i am sure this is temporary... for for how long, i can not say. sadly.

i know that 10 or 15 pounds doesn't seem like much to a lot of people... but it may also seem like an awful lot to others. i am one of the people that it reeeeeeally bothers. Does it seem shallow? i admit that i am more inclined to be sexually charged by people (yes, profile says bi) who are height and weight proportionate. And i have always held myself by the same standard. i just don't feel as sexually charged when i don't feel sexy myself.

And as far as my bi-sexual nature. Straight women looking for a local subby friend... fear not.  i am not out for the sneak attack. Very much like a straight woman is NOT attracted to every male they set eyes on... Most women just don't make me hot in the loins either... i am looking for friendship with someone who is serious about her submissive side.  ( insert loud throat clearing sound effect here) But i do mean... female submissives only. i tried to befriend a male submissive once... and well... that just didn't work out well... and i will leave that as a story for another time. Remind me, or it will leave this scattered mind.

sleep well

ok, way over due for a new entry... maybe a little too much reality for the site... but hell reality does count into what we do here and with our lifestyles right?

i have been dealing with some sort of medical issues... nothing major, i will live... but it does effect our BDSM activities, and our lives in general. Master is being patient, and i am grateful for that. But it sucks that it affects as much as it does.

i confess that it has made me wonder if i can still serve the way that we have become accustomed to, and that does worry me. Don't know that i would be happy knowing that i am not what i have spoiled Master into appreciating and expecting.

NOT saying that i think Master wouldn't appreciate what i can still do... but it sure does give food to thought as far as what we can or can not do... and hey not to mention...

1. how the flesh is willing and the mind cant quite make it... and/or...

2. how the mind is willing but the flesh isn't quite there...

Well throw in that my flesh and mind seem to be trading positions on a nearly daily basis...sigh. i don't like it, i know Master doesn't... but it is what we are dealing with now

Physically, and mentally has affected me and the way that i look. ( please do not insert the word... ghastly... into that thought!). i was always told that i was so.... animated... in my cam sessions with others. Even when it was just a face to face chat. Which is what my usual cam sessions are. Master would have me naked and perform on occasion, but just getting online and chatting with friends and possible friends... people always said it was nice to just see how... well perky or whatever i was. Very reactive. i just don't seem to be myself and it makes me less inclined to get on cam, or to schedule any of our meet n greets with like minded people.

OK OK, i know this journal has gotten to feel like a bit of a bummer... but really... it is just part of trying to get it back in line

Maybe think about the things that make Master proud and i can get my ass back on the treadmill. go for more walks on nice days...

Of course i may have mentioned before....

That Master did encourage me to pursue some adult education to learn a little more about being behind the camera. Maybe i could be more of a help to him on some of his studio and location shoots. i have learned a lot, and i was also thinking of some great things that i thought i might like to pursue for some of my own artistic expressions, and possible side work in a niche that i thought i could fill for some extra cash.

But my.... school and assignments and still maintaining my current work and service... well... geez, it just might be more than i can balance. Damn real world responsibilities. Of course i hate to not take full advantage of the school terms that i have already paid for... so i will continue and see if i can get that balance to work for us. i still have ideas, some i think i pretty good, but who has all the time to do everything that they wanna do?

Maybe it is just me...lol... i always seem to wanna be accomplishing something, and i guess that i was just trying to get too much done all at once. maybe i will bring it all to a stop for a little while.. prioritize... make some hard decisions... Ready for a priority meeting Master?   Bet you are!

it will be nice to feel like i am working in the right direction again. Ok, not just working that way... but making progress too.

Ok that is enough for now. This journal entry was just intended as a quick update on why i have been lax in writing, and how it is my intention to be back on this site and looking for some....

LOCAL

REAL TIME

FEMALE (OR COUPLES)

to get to know and hopefully meet.

Maybe a female with a 24 Hour Fitness gym membership :)  ?

Here's to hoping for positive changes!

ok just a quick note...

i have been taking classes, and the classes, plus assignments are keeping me quite busy! But i am enjoying them. Master has encouraged me to start learning a little more about being behind the camera, and i am enjoying the opportunity to have a creative outlet to play with. Just wish the camera weren't so heavy as i still have a hard time keeping my arms up for too terribly long.

i have lots of creative images in my head, and i will start to learn how to make them come alive in print, or on the screen.

Any body interested in modeling for me? Only kidding, i am not ready for that yet!

i have been missing in action. not sure when i will be back in full swing. Master has been patient with my having some health issues (nothing life threatening, thank heavens!) just stuff that has me laying low will i try to get it all back together again.

All of my issues have lead me to understand that i don't have a lot of energy for a bunch of... unnecessary stuff. Never thought i would feel that way about the internet! And proposed new friendships! Yikes, just exhausting to spend the time meeting and trying to find a good match, just to find drama! Hey i am all for subbies being together to be able to help each other be stronger and better for their Masters... i just don't wanna be the sub friend so that you can talk badly behind his back! Venting and support can be done without bad mouthing. If you really feel that way about your Dom... maybe you shouldn't be with him.

Just saying...

Wow, has it ever been an absolutely crazy ride for a while now... months and months of ups and downs, busy, busy, busy, lessons to be learned, hardly enough rest, and tribulations interspersed with blessings.

i don't wish to dwell on the more yuck side of the realities of life. But we do all have to deal with them don't we?

Death in the family, a big enough financial hit, health issues... ugh!

Sometimes during the more even keeled portions of our spicy lifestyle, it is easy to forget how much our vanilla lives can actually affect our fun times.

Master and i are at about.. oh... 5 and a half years together. And even that revelation involves a slightly amusing hiccup... anyway, here we are, navigating some occasionally rougher waters. It sure does make us appreciate the times when we can take a beating for the fun of it all!

But now, i look forward to serving full time again... and being grateful for the really wonderful events, people and opportunities!

i am lucky once again, to be able to count a new friend into my life, and look forward to being able to develop a nice supportive relationship in this lifestyle! i met her on another style site, and we seemed to click immediately! She is sweet and smart and local, and we have schedules that make it possible to get together and talk... i mean... really talk!

ok, i must rest, gonna be called into service early in the morning. and i am not much of a morning person. Seems i need to overcome a few natural tendencies.

sleep well people, i hope things will be looking up for all of us!

lucky

Yes, i am easing back into this profile again, and spending some time at a new site...

i like the ease of posting pictures  that can be enjoyed and commented on. They are still new, and there are not a lot of members yet... but i would think we could swamp them if we try!

Hey... did i mention that it is free! Kinky pictures, check it out! Stuff you cant post here!