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YourGoddessTMMadameMaverick

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The guy in the first picture is my kinky doppelganger. I look very much like him.
The guy in the second picture is me.
The third picture is my ultimate kryptonite. This is why I kneel.
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I am a feminist, a strong supporter of female empowerment and superiority. Ever since I can remember, women had power on me. When I developed my sexual identity, this power pushed me to ds games, which eventually became a natural part of me.

I am interested in chatting with likeminded women who like to see an expressive sub squirm and beg. I very much dislike the physical sensation of pain, but knowing I have to experience it - because it entertains You or as a learning point - turns it into an incredible intimate, vulnerable experience for me.

I prefer not to cum. I cant see why my pleasure has any interest to my top. I generally feel more submissive when restricted, not when awarded.

Verbal abuse is a super quick way to get me to subspace. When You call me a pig, or call me a dog, or point out my insufficiencies - I feel it. These are not some detached words for me, they really sink in. And when I accept them, as I always do, I trans into an obedient being.
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Other kinks, thoughts, and desires can be found in my journal.

-- James

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3/20/2018 7:19:30 PM
Hypothetical session inspired by MistressLina32.

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The alarm woke me up at 2am and I rushed to my computer groggily. "I'm awake, Miss. Kinda..", I wrote. I couldn't avoid feeling a bit silly as I went on my knees naked while waiting for her reply. But that's what she had instructed - "I like those knees red" - and tonight I did not intend to add insult to injury.

I was dozing off as the call came in at 2:25am. "Mistress Lina, how wonderful to hear you", I answered politely. "Shut up and stand up", she said. It sounded like she did not appreciate the message I sent her before going to sleep.

"Who do you belong to, bitch?", she demanded. "You, Miss Lina", I replied. "No. I do not own broken slaves", she said sourly. "Broken?", I asked. "Slaves obey. You do not. You were told not to touch yourself. Yet you did. I do not like that". I lowered my gaze guiltily and mumbled "I.. I am sorry that I disappointed you Miss.." "Shut up", she cut me off curtly. Then, silence. I stood quietly, not daring to look up.

The long pause that followed seemed like 10 minutes. "Did you cum, whore?", she finally broke the silence. "Of course not, Miss Lina. I have been weak, and.. and I touched your property without permission.. but I am not that stupid to cross such unforgivable line".

Another long pause. "Do you deserve to be fixed, pig?", she asked. "I would love that Miss Lina!", I replied truthfully. "I will determine that, dog. Pick a number of spanks as the fixing cost. But watch out. Too low and you will never see me again."

I took my time to think this carefully. The highest number of spanks she instructed me to administer was 70. It better be much higher than that to appease her. But how much?

I can't risk it, I finally decided. Her accent is too adorable to not hear again. "500 Miss", I finally said.

There was another long, dramatic pause. "This number is accepted, slut", she said, and I exhaled in relief. "On each buttock", she added. "With your open palm this time, strong arm. You won't miss any strike tonight like you did with the belt, you worthless whore". I swallowed my saliva.

"Tonight, I will watch you squirm. Tonight, you pay with tears. Who do you belong to, bitch?"

"You, Mistress Lina. Thank you for fixing this broken dog."







11/4/2017 8:00:32 AM
I find it incredibly hot to submit to shorter women. There is something intense about standing naked with hands behind back, wincing in fear and pain as She squeezes my balls tight, stares up into my eyes, and says "I'm going to ask this one more time... And you better get it right this time around". That feeling - that despite me being bigger and stronger I am made powerless by Her literal and metaphorical grip, by Her rules which I agreed to, by the intensity of Her presence - is what makes subspace so special to me.

2/16/2017 3:47:10 PM
I think this needs to have a femdom equivalent: https://eroshare.com/8czd6pal
Anyone near Paris wants to properly re-enact?

11/14/2016 6:00:05 PM
"Prepare for the finale", she says when she comes down from her post-orgasmic high.
My cock is still hard, my balls are throbbing. Will the 2 weeks of orgasm-free edging come to an end?

I bring our finale pack and spread the items in front of her in order of nastiness. Icy Hot to apply on my genitals as a "very rough punishment". A cooled cut ginger root to use for figging as a "mild punishment". A red string to tie around the base of my cock to symbolize "kick-the-can" (denial). A spoon to feed me the marginal cum during ruined orgasm as a "mild reward". An Ice cube tray to collect a full load of satisfying orgasmic cum for "great reward". 

She writes something on a piece of paper and puts it facing down on the floor in front of me. "I made my decision", she says. "Let's hear you first, what do you think you deserve?", she asks her typical, tricky question. The rules are simple. I can only get as good reward as I ask for. But there is a catch. If I overstate the reward by one notch she will worsen her decision by one notch. If I overstate it by two notches, she will worsen it by two notches. Namely, if she decided to deny me, saying I deserve a ruined orgasm will earn me figging, saying I deserve a satisfying orgasm will earn me Icy Hot. 

I haven't had an orgasm in 2 weeks. It must be time already, I think, so I take the risk. "Satisfying orgasm", I say. She nods but does not change her stern expression. "To your knees", she says. As usual, before she reveals her decision and my "catch of the day" I am to be edged 3 times. I brace myself. Cumming prematurely in this stage will earn me 7 days of figging as guaranteed finale. I had learned this the very hard way. 

But before edging, something else must be done. She picks an ice cube from the tray. It's one of the frozen cum cubes from 2 weeks ago. I open my mouth as required, my head slanted upwards, tongue sticking downwards as I look at her from below. "What comes out must go back in", she says as she grabs my chin and pushes the cube into my mouth. I feel the frozen cum melting slowly towards my throat. As required, I keep my mouth open, tongue out as long as she holds my chin. Our gaze locks in this humiliating position for some good 15 seconds. She finally release her grip and taps my chin. I heed the cue and close my mouth, ice cube still in place. 

"Edge", she commands and so I obey. I stop short of cumming, biting into the diminishing cum cube to move my attention away to something less pleasing. She gives me 5 seconds of rest before she grabs my cock and wanks it in 10 rapid movements. I tense my entire body, contracting every muscle to counter her challenge. "Don't you dare cumming", she hisses. I barely survive the first round. She gives me 30 more seconds, then commands me to start again. 5 seconds after I edge, she goes down on her knees and give me a 10 second blow job. My neurons are firing. The ice cube is depleted, and I have nothing left to bite on. I tense again, and somehow survive it. My balls are ripe to explode in any second now. 

My final edging lasts about 3 short seconds of wanking. I am dangerously close. This time she spares me her challenge. "Now beg for your chosen reward", she instructs. "Please princess!", I cry. "Please let me cum. I've been so good to you these two weeks!" I make my plea. "Ha. That's not very convincing", she says. "I am not just interested in your empty words. Edge again," she commands, "then tell me how you can be a better boyfriend". 

She edges me twice more. It takes a promise to do dishes for an entire month and a visit to her favorite restaurant next week when she finally agrees to deliver the finale. Cleverly, before doing so she records all my promises on her phone. "That's for future evidence", she says, "and also because it's hot as hell how pathetic you sound in this state."

"Prepare for administration", she changes the subject. I lie on my back on the bed and she cuffs my hands to the headboard. She always takes this precaution. Cuffed like this I can always turn over to give her access to any part of my body she chooses to reward or punish. She climbs on the bed and reveals the piece of paper she had wrote when she made her decision. 

I can't believe what I see. "Denial?" I ask surprised. "But we never went that long!" I exclaim. "It's called NOvember for a reason, honey", she says. "Thought you'd be smart enough to figure this out". I start to frantically twist my body and try to break free. Icy Hot is not what I expected today. She is prepared for this, of course. She easily overpowers each of my legs and cuffs them in place to the bed. "Please no, babe! Oh god.. please.." She opens the Icy Hot tube and rubs some on my shoulders. The smell drives me crazy, as I know where it's heading next. She lets me squirm and struggle until I realize it is futile. 

"I'm really sorry baby", she says softly as she strokes my hair, "but we have to do this". "No we don't!" I cry, "please oh god please.. no..". "Shhh", she puts a finger on my lips and locks my gaze. My heart is racing. "Now say what you're required to say, honey", she says still in a very soft voice. I reluctantly concede. Fighting is useless, let's get it over with. 

"I accept your decision", I say defeatedly. "I love you. My purpose is to please you. Only you know what's needed to achieve that. I may not like your decision. My limited male brain may not understand why it's needed. But this does not matter. If you think I need it, I will accept it."

She smiles. Hearing this always make her beam. She leans forward and kisses me passionately. "It's needed, honey" she says. "My decisions are final. Always." I nod, close my eyes, and open my cuffed legs for easier access. I can smell the substance getting out as she squeezes the tube, and a second later feel the cool ointment on my blue balls. My predicament ensues shortly after.

11/4/2016 2:13:04 PM
My favorite D/s sessions are within long term relationships. They mostly have 4 parts: starter, foreplay, satisfying her, and finale. Finale is where the long term magic happens which can sustain D/s relationships over a long period of time.

My favorite session starters involved some agreed upon ritual. Here's a great example. When I come home from work and my collar is on the floor near the entrance. I am required to stand where I am, quickly undress and wear the collar before I can close the door behind me. If she's watching, I have to ask for permission to close the door. I then tell her "At your service" and off we go. This can be expanded to any situation in which my collar gets to the floor, e.g. when she tosses it or sets it up at the bathroom doorway while I'm taking a shower.

I personally prefer having a ritual over a 24x7 submission, since this really allows me to fully express myself in the relationship while giving her an "on" switch she can use whenever she's in the mood for it.

The foreplay typically gets both of us really horny. I can't talk for everyone, but it's important for me to get horny because my pain tolerance and "dirtiness" red-line go up a good notch. This part involves spanking, verbal humiliation, ball slapping, licking or sucking whatever I'm told, multiple edging, and a good level of pain - the kind that still makes me hard rather than want to crawl into a cave. All of these should be activities that make both parties horny, otherwise there is no point.

The next part is obvious - making her cum. I highly recommend the techniques in the book "She comes first" by Ian Kerner. Oral sex is generally preferable so that we avoid any accidents of me cumming. If instead we go for an intercourse and an accident happens, the session might end (I typically cannot bear too much pain after cumming) but it's kept on record to be dealt with later. Fear of retribution is a very strong motivator for behavior correction.

Now for the last part. Session Finale. Assuming she is now fully satisfied, there are a few ways to end a session. The obvious rewarding way is a satisfying orgasm. I can say with all honesty - for a guy who has this privilege taken away from him this is an incredible reward. Awarding a satisfying orgasm sporadically is a really great carrot to put me on the good behavior track, which is why I am not a fan of 24x7x365 orgasm denial. Resorting to wet dreams as the only form of release misses this point in my mind. Another two obvious ways are ruined orgasm, and orgasm denial using ice or a chastity device.

But let's talk about other very effective session finales. Everyone has some weakness. A kryptonite of some sort. Mine is pain which involves intense burning sensation. Like the one you get with figging or when using Icy Hot. This is not fun to me at all. It's a huge turn off. After such treatment I'll be soft and teary, and will need plenty of aftercare. And yet, I consent my partner to use any of these during the Session Finale at her discretion.

The fact she has complete control on which session finale to employ is one of the most important aspects of D/s long term relationships. All the other parts are fun and rewarding - the starter, the foreplay, and making her cum - on both short and long run. Finishing with a full orgasm, ruined orgasm, or orgasm denial is also fun on both the short and long run to some extent. But exploiting someone's kryptonite is where short term is not fun at all. Giving her control on invoking it is an ultimate act of submitting to someone - I let you do this to me even though I hate it, because I love you. I let you do this to me because I trust you'll use it only when you think it's necessary to my progress as your sub.


10/31/2016 10:36:37 PM
-- dedicated to pervygirl

My butt is white, my butt is round,

tonight to you it is to pound.

I beg and cry to no avail,
Promise made, I cannot bail.

They do no good, appeals and pleas,
as you instruct me to my knees.

My bottom bare, pants to ankles,
legs spread at an angle.

You lube it good, the strap-on head,
my mind completely fills with dread.

You spank my left buttock hard,
I bite my lip, caught off guard.

You seize the moment, push it in,
I gasp in shock, I'm getting pinned!

You ride it good, you ride it rough,
you're in the zone, you do not bluff.

Surprise, surprise, I pop a boner,
"Don't touch" say you, my lawful owner.

I squeeze the blanket, clenching teeth,
cock rubbing the sheets beneath.

I cannot hold it for much longer,
Here I go! Wish I were stronger.

I moan and cum, it's over quick,
you popped my cherry, had your "trick".

"Now turn around and start the licking",
"Make me cum - avoid good whipping".

You get your "treat", and soon you cum.
It's Halloween, go have some fun!


9/26/2016 4:59:58 PM

Today was that special day of the week. Reinforcement day. Kira came out of the shower and approached the living room. She smiled at me and leaned down to kiss my lips. "Are you ready, babe?", she asked. I looked up, my eyes meeting hers. "Do I have a choice?", I asked playfully.
She smiled. "Of course you do. It can only work if you want it to work. But you know that already." I smiled back. "You made it very clear you will break up with me if I don't, hon. But regardless, yes. I love you and I want to do this, completely on my own." She nodded and locked her right hand in mine, pulling me gently towards the bedroom.

She guided me through the 30-minute hypnosis session as she always did. Relaxing my mind. Reminding me of my safe place. Getting me to a deep state of trance with her favorite Dave Elman induction. And then reinforcing some 10 triggers using her pre-made text. As always, my mind gladly accepted her hypnotic suggestions. It showed no signs of resistance, as if it had always wanted them to exist. She finished her reinforcement , then woke me up gently and kissed me passionately. "I love you", she whispered into my ear, and tugged my hand gently till I came off the bed. She kissed me again and smiled. "Shall we?", I said, returning the smile and whispering "I know you want to." "Am I that obvious?", she asked beaming. She was really proud of her hypnotic suggestions. She loved to test them when we had quality time together. "Let's do it then, my special boy".

"My special boy" was the first trigger. Upon hearing it my mind sprung into action. My cock became erect, as if wanting to pop out of my body. She suddenly appeared more majestic and regal than I have ever imagined queens of the old days might look. In this state, which would remain in effect until we fall asleep, I would regard everything she says as a command with an increased importance and urgency. I would also have to tell the truth. Lying would feel extremely uncomfortable to me. "Go fetch the toy bag", she commanded. I scurried to the closet, rushing to complete this mission that seemed to consume every neuron in my brain. I handed her the bag. "Shirt, pants, and socks off", she said curtly. I obeyed quickly, remaining only with my underwares which resembled the shape of a small tent. "Lock feet", she then said, activating another trigger. It made my feet feel as if they are glued to their position on the floor. "Try to move your feet", she said. I couldn't. It's not that I physically couldn't, it's just that a part of my mind didn't want them to move, and so they didn't.

She dragged a low chair in front of me and commanded me to bend over and hold its seat. "Freeze hands", she said as she moved to face me. She leaned down, putting her hands on my cheeks and looking into my eyes. "I need to punish you now", she said with an almost apologetic voice, filled with empathy towards the inevitable. "Babe.. Please..", I whimpered with a trembling voice, "have I done something to upset you? You haven't punished me in a month already. I thought I was satisfactorily docile with your new triggers". "You are amazing, love. I have no complaint. But I must test the triggers from time to time. I am sorry, but I hope you understand". She looked straight into my eyes as she said the trigger. "Amplify Pain". My body started to shake. Any pain inflicted by her would now feel a thousand times more terrible. She proceeded to gag my mouth with a piece of cloth she instructed me to bite. No need to risk a visit from the neighbors, after all. I clenched my teeth into the cloth as hard as I could. She sharply pulled my underwares down to my knees. I shut my eyes and breathed frantically, pumping air between my clenched teeth. A few swooshes sounded behind me as she practiced a flogger on the air. My body tensed. Another swoosh sounded. This time it hit me square on my right ass cheek. My entire body convulsed as if I got electrocuted by a high voltage appliance. The stinging sensation spread from my butt up to my spine and down to my feet. My head was involuentarily thrown back as I released a muffled scream. It was terrible. I sobbed into the cloth as my legs spasmed in their place. My wheeps did not make an impression on her. They never did. I knew that deep down she was empathetic to my pain, but there was no standing between her and the role that fit her so well. I screamed again as her second blow connected with my ass, tassels sending firy stings all around my crevice. She did not stop. She found her dom space.

The next 5 minutes were the worst 5 minutes of our relationship. My cloth was soaked with saliva and tears that decorated my cheeks and chin. My throat was sore from screaming. My legs failed me after the fifth blow, and I was on my knees, hands still on the chair seat, head buried between my arms, butt still exposed for her abuse. There was nothing else but accepting the uncalled for punishment, waiting for her arms to get tired. After some time that felt like eternity, the blows finally stopped. She was finally done. "Up" she said curtly as she circled my pained body to face me. I lethargically forced my trembling leg muscles to obey as she observed my effort, hands crossed. She stood a little bit taller than before, probably proud of what she has done, and there was no longer any hint of empathy in her eyes. Once she got into dom space she did not come off very quickly. "Normal Pain", she finally said. I sighed in relief as she took the cloth out of my mouth. She then took her pants and panties off, keeping her shirt on. She crossed the chair my hands were frozen to and sat down, legs hanging to the sides, her pink pussy in front of my face. "Lick", she barked, pulling my head to her crotch. Her pussy was dripping wet from the punishment spree, juices drooling loosely to her thighs. She cocked her head back and released a deep satisfying moan as my tongue slid upwards towards her clit. She looked into my eyes, softening a bit from her dominating mania. "Fine", she said. "I didn't expect to give it to you tonight as I wanted it to be a night of pure punishment, but whatever. Tasty Pussy." That was the best gift she could give me after an intense punishment session.

The next 5 minutes were the best 5 minutes of our relationship. My mouth became watery as I my brain started craving one and only thing - her pussy. An insatiable desire to lick her sweet nectar. Her juices were no longer some innocent vaginal fluids to me. Every hint of them on my tongue sent an incredibly soothing sensation accross my entire body. I shivered as pleasant chilling currents swelled like tidal waves from the crane of my head to the tip of my feet. The sensation was incredible. I completely forgot why I felt so broken a few mintes before. I moaned to the unsuppressed pleasure. We both did. It was magical.

We cuddled on the bed after she came. She didn't let me come that night, although she did activate the "Cold Penis" trigger that allowed my erection to calm down. I appreciated that. As I was about to doze off she turned around to kiss my lips. "I just had a great idea for a new trigger!", she said excitedly. "What is it?", I asked drowsily. "It's called Ginger Ass. And I am going to love it!". I raised an eyebrow. "That does not sound like something I'd enjoy", I said. "Love, since when was that ever relevant?", she said smiling. She pushed her hands into my underwears, grabbed my balls, and said "Deep Trance" - the trigger allowing her to make new hypnotic suggestions immediately. Oh boy, that's going to be a long night...


9/21/2016 4:47:39 PM

I was cleaning the dishes, terrified. The words she told me just before leaving to work were fixed in my mind. You better not fail me this time, she had said. Oh my, how did I get myself into this. If this is going to be anything like her last punishment session, then.. No, I don't want to think about that.. Where was I? Right. Dishes. I rinsed another plate as the chinking sound of keys coming from the doorway startled me. Shit. God no, she can't be back this early! I rushed to the hallway as the door flipped open. It was her. "Oh hi babe", she smiled and leaned in to kiss my lips. "Hi hon. I didn't expect you to be back so soon", I said trying to prepare her for the scene in the kitchen. Damn, I should have started earlier. "Babe, I hope this is not an excuse.." she trailed off as she entered the kitchen. She dropped her shoulders and turned to me with a contemptuous look. She was silent. "Hon, I am really sorry, I was in calls the entire day and.." I clenched my lips as she crossed her arms in front of her. "I am going to take a bath", she broke the long silence. "And you better take care of this mess and wait for me in inspection position when I'm out of the shower". I somehow managed to screw up twice in 3 days. Useless. With that thought I scurried to the sink.

She came out of the shower dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was still wet. She was never fond of dramatic clothing for our sessions, if you could even call them that. It was just one of those regular things we did when we stayed at home. Punishing me was like watching TV, cooking together, or having wine - nothing out of the ordinary, and her outfit reflected that. I, on the other hand, was fully naked. Standing with my hands on the back of my head and feet shoulder-width apart. Gaze down. The only item I wore was a collar sitting tight around my neck with a short leash attached via a small hook. In front of my feet were a few items - a stop watch, a tray of ice cubes, a small Purell container, a pair of disposable plastic gloves, a jar of vaseline, a finger-sized flash light, and a duct tape roll. Her instructions were clear. I had to take these with me everywhere I go. I was allowed to touch myself, but I had to run the stop watch to keep track of time. I was also allowed to cum, but then had to collect my jizz in the ice tray. No exceptions. She added the Purell business 3 days ago. As another limitation on my masturbation, I had to now use it as lubricant. I tried it once and didn't touch myself ever since.

"Report", she said while combing her hair. "No touching or cumming today", I responded. She glanced at the stop watch and nodded as she saw the zero mark. She then took the ice tray and looked to see there are no additional cubes other than the 3 already there. "Next time we have a session like this, you better have 5 cubes filled. If you don't, I'll have you switch the Purell with Icy Hot. Trust me, you don't want that to happen. Understood?" "Yes, Princess" I said. This is how she liked to be called when my collar was on. "Anything else?", she asked. "Yes. I report that I have failed to complete the cleaning duty on time today." She nodded, then added "what do you suggest?". "I suggest a B level punishment, Princess." That suggestion made her laugh. "That is what we've had last time. And that obviously didn't work." Oh no. "No," she said, "today we are going to have an A level punishment. But first, inspection. Open your mouth." As I obeyed, she pried open my jaw with her left arm and peeked inside with the flash light. She then released one of the ice cubes from the tray, shoved it to my mouth, and and tapped my chin to signal me to close it. This took me completely by surprise. She has never done it before, and my face twisted with disgust as my own cum started melting in my mouth. Swallowing my juices was something we always avoided as after cumming I lose interest in play. While she accepted that, it appears now has found a smart way around it. And while disgusting, it wasn't as repulsive as right after I cum. In response to my twitching, she picked up some duct tape, and taped my mouth shut. "Just to make sure you keep it there until it's gone, babe". So that's what the duct tape was for. I nodded as I pushed the cube to the left with my tongue.

She put the disposable gloves on and casually said "bend over" to proceed with inspection. She used vaseline to lube my ass and pushed a finger inside. These moments - bending over naked with a cum ice cube in my mouth, a short leash hanging from my neck swinging gently from side to side, and my dressed girlfriend's finger in my ass - were moments I found intensely humiliating. Weirdly, these moments also made me intensely horny. As she disclosed to me many times, this was the purpose of her pursuing it. She wanted to remind me how pathetic it is that she can make me do such unimaginable things only because my penis gets hard. And it did get hard, every single time, no matter what she asked me to do.

After poking the inside of my butt hole to her satisfaction, she took her finger out. "Not so bad today", she commented as she examined her finger. She threw the gloves away and faced me. She grabbed my leash and yanked me close to her. "Punishment position, bitch", she said, her intense eyes burning with righteousness. She only called me like that when she wanted to ascend into dom space. Derogatory words helped her put aside my part in our loving relationship and focus on the disobedient part of me that deserves her wrath. And when she ascended to dom space, boy, she ascended. As I fell down on my knees to assume punishment position - similar to child-pose with my butt higher in the air - she started building her characteristic controlled anger. "How dare you?", she hissed. "Twice in 3 days!", her anger was unmistakable. Her cane was already set in hand, swooshing from side to side for an extra fear effect. When I was ready in punishment position, she was ready to strike. Without mercy. "Duck-tape or not! Start the count till 30 bitch!" she shouted loudly as her first blow cracked down perfectly on both of my ass cheeks.


2/7/2016 12:07:34 AM
== Fantasies of encounter with mistresskgb

"Take out your phone", she says decisively as she closes the door of our hotel room behind her. "Set up a 25 minutes timer", she continues, "then a new 4 digit code only you know". "Sure", I say informally. She had told me she hates formalities. "Now configure the phone to erase all data after 10 wrong attempts". My heart misses a beat and I'm hesitating for a second. I look into her large beautiful brown eyes. This is the first time we meet in person. Can I trust her? "Whether or not your data is going to be erased today is totally up to you", she says. I am keen on making a first good impression today. I disconnect from her eyes and set it up. "There you go", I say as I hand her my phone.


"Listen to my instructions as you get fully naked. I will not repeat them twice." She walks to the other end of the room while I get undressed, and shuts the curtains as she talks. "Today we are going to make sure you can keep up with what I need. We will do this by setting expectations about safe words. Too many times I was in a situation where pussies who claim they are men use their safe words at the peak of my dom-space, when I'm dripping wet from excitement. This sucks. It's the premature ejaculation version of s/m. Super frustrating. Totally their right, of course, but I have no use for such losers." 

I start feeling concerned. "Do you know your safe words?", she asks. "Yellow for slow down and Red for stop", I say as I take my underwear off. "Yes generally, but no. Not today.", she says. "Today there is no yellow for slowing down. Today there is only a safe word for stopping. And instead of Red, it is your new 4-digit code. You can use it at any time, I am not here to break you. But, I am also not here to get bored. So let's make it simple. If you give me the right code, the session ends. I will leave and you will never hear from me again. Survive the 20 minutes that are left on that timer, and you get considered for a second date. Those 20 minutes are what I need to figure out if you're made for what I need. Understood?" 

A chill wave of fear sweeps through my skin. "All clear", I say. She checks out my naked body top to bottom. "Nice body", she comments. "Hope you won't disappoint me". "Thank you", I say grinning, "I hope I won't". 

She closes the distance between us."Lower your gaze. Don't you dare look into my eyes whenever you're naked and under my command". Whatever she planned has started. SMACK! She slaps my right cheek hard. "I hear you have something I need!", she raises her voice and circles my body slowly. "A code!", she says from behind me, pushing her boot between my legs to forcefully signal me to spread them wider apart. "What is that code?", she whispers in my ear from behind." I stay quite and ignore the question. The name of the game is stalling time, I think to myself. "I won't repeat the question again", she whispers. "What is that code?", she raises her voice angrily. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about", I say. The blow that follows takes me completely by surprise. As her boot meets my balls from behind a sharp pain travels up my body and cripples me to the floor. I cry in pain as my body collapses, my hands cupping my genitals to protect them. I expected some pain tonight, but I hadn't expected it with no warm up.

She pushes my body to the floor with her boot. I stumble down, my belly flat on the ground. She forces my arms behind my back and cuffs them together. At what point did she take the cuffs out? She spreads my legs again, and I can feel her boot pressing down on my balls to the floor. Ouch! The pain is unbearable. "The code or your balls, your choice". I don't respond. I try to crawl forward using my shoulders and pelvis, away from her boot, and to my surprise she lets me. She laughs as she easily outpaces my slow crawl, sending me painful reminders that my balls cannot hide from her boots. "This is so entertaining!" she says out loud as she sneaks in a painful kick. I crawl into the bathroom until I hit the tub. I have no where to crawl from here. "Right where I wanted you", she says. She closes a firm grip on my balls from behind with her right hand, her left hand grabbing my hair and lifting my head up and to the side. "What is the fucking code?", she screams at me. Tears are forming in my eyes, and my breath becomes irregular. I am completely immersed in sub space now. I have assumed the role of a prisoner, completely inferior to my captor, and scared to death. She is good.
"Please!", I weep, "I don't know about your code". "You are lying!", she screams almost out of control, and squeezes my ball with her right hand. I kick my legs to all directions, screaming at the same time "please!", I beg, as she keeps her firm grip on my sensitive man parts. All I can think of is Yellow.

"OK! I'll give you the code!", I say. She releases her grip. I gasp for air. She takes out my phone. "7189", I say quietly, trying to sound defeated. She keys it in. "Oh look, how surprising, it doesn't work", she says with a reproaching voice. "Let me try again a few times just to make sure. 7189. No, doesn't work. How about I try 1789 a few times as well. Nope, doesn't work either. And oops, only 3 times left before your data is erased!"

Fuck, I forgot about that. "No, please!" She laughs as she sees the fear in my eyes. "Aren't we glad this is the last time you're going to pull this trick?", she asks rhetorically as she puts the cell phone aside and approaches me. My body is squeezed to the tub as hard as I can, but there is no where to go. I bought myself some time, but there must be at least 7 minutes left on the timer. Will I be able to make it? Do I even want to be considered for a second date with someone so crazy? 

She grabs my hair and with one swift motion pulls it up and down into the toilet. I hold my breath as my face gets covered with the disgusting toilet water. After a long minute and many squirms she finally lifts it and allows me to gasp for air. "The code!", she says, and pushes my head immediately back in. I am struggling to go up. She pulls me out again. "Seems like we have a stubborn man here. Don't worry, I broke bigger guys". She takes her pants down a bit and sits down on the toilet seat. I am still coughing and gasping when I suddenly realize she is peeing in front of me. Oh no. I know where this is going and it's not pretty. Before we met she had asked me to fill a questionnaire with all my limits and curiosities. How stupid was I to put "willing to consider on rare occasions" next to the golden showers category?

She smiles at me. "Rare stubbornness deserves a rare occasion". She is crazy. "I won't do it!", I say and try to stand up. She grabs my hair firmly and pull me back down. "Then give me the code, and leave". "You're crazy!", I exclaim. "Be careful with what you wish for", she says in a cynical voice. She lifts the toilet seat up, pushes my head between her legs just above the toilet, and leans forward to slap my balls a few times. I scream in pain. "No! Stop it!". But she doesn't. I try to release my head but her thighs are too strong, and she is putting more weight on my neck, forcing me closer to the stinking water, while punching my balls with increasing strength. This is torture. "Alright, I'll give you the code!", I try to say, but she can't hear me anymore. A second earlier she dropped her entire body weight on the back of my head, pushing my face deep into the toilet water, covering it with her golden piss. I need to focus now on holding as much air in my lungs as I can while absorbing the frequent, unbearable, balls punches. Disgusting. I've never been so deeply humiliated. These must be the type of people they tell you to watch out from on the Internet.

She finally stands up. I gasp for air and cry like a baby. So disgusted with myself and the world. She wipes my face with a towel, and leave me on the floor to cry. A short minute later I hear an alarm at a distance. "5939", I whisper. I made it through. But I'm emotionally destroyed. She removes my cuffs, but I have no energy to move my hands. She sits down next to me and hugs me quietly, stroking my hair. I find comfort in her lap. "Shhh. You did great", I hear her saying in her soothing voice. I don't reply. My eye lids are heavy. I fall asleep. 

I wake up on the bed. It is still dark outside. My alarm is ringing. It is 1am. I stand up and look around. She is no where to be found. Did she set the alarm? I go to the bathroom and take a long shower to purify myself from the humiliating night. As I dry myself I spot a note on the dresser. "Stay naked, and kneel in front of the door to await further instructions. If you don't, I take it that you decided not to start your training." Do I want to? I hesitate for a moment. She is crazy. I am convinced she is not good for me. I know it's going to be bad. And hard. And painful. And humiliating. But as all those thoughts run through my head, my body decides for itself. To my surprise, I find myself kneeling in front of the door as instructed. 

5 minutes later the door unlocks. She is standing there with a collar in her hand. "Welcome to a bigger nightmare", she says. I don't respond. But my body does. My head tilts itself up, exposing my neck for the taking. Once submissive, always submissive.

2/6/2016 1:41:39 PM
Omg, so hot: http://onlyshecums.tumblr.com/post/138792735097

1/20/2016 4:34:34 PM
== Fantasies 

"So, do you want to be my bitch?". I glance at her message online, similar to dozens of others. "I do, Miss", I respond politely. Typically this leads nowhere, or to a link of an Amazon wish list, or worst - to a paid webcam site claiming to be free. But this time is different. "Your short answer is quite unconvincing. It shows no maturity or understanding of your own desire. Do you even believe it yourself?" She has a point. It really is pretty shallow. And her question is far beyond the capacity of the typical scammer, which intrigues me. I close all other chat windows. "I am sorry, Miss. I think I want to be your pet, but with great respect and if I may be allowed to ask - how could I know if I can truly be of use to you before knowing you better? Wasting your time would be the last thing I want to do." Long 7 minutes pass, and I get no response. There you go, I think to myself, my question was too cocky and annoying. I think I am done for the night. I am about to close the browser and go to bed, when I see her short response. "Add me on skype".

"What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
"Be specific."
Hmm. Where do I start? 
"What makes you want to dominate?"
"I choose to feel that I deserve it", she answers. "It is still a world of men in the board room, and sometimes it's an uphill battle. Don't get me wrong, I am very well equipped for such battles. But I deserve a spot in my life where I can fully express myself, fully be myself, and be truly appreciated for it. Where there is no effort, because I make the rules, and everything I do is naturally right and beautiful with no energy wasted on thinking how to package it to the right audience."
Wow, so thoughtful. 

"What makes you want to submit?", she asks.
"Ironically, for very similar reasons. In my work, I make the rules. I have thousands of demands on my time, and I am required to make dozens of decisions per day. This is energy draining. In the end of the day, I just want to come back home and take a break from it all. Have no decisions to make, no responsibility - just follow, not lead. Have my manhood owned."

"Bullshit", she replies. "If you come back home and I tell you to take your pants off, hands behind your back, and silently take 50 ball slaps because I want to feel empowered, or because somebody annoyed me at work and I need to let off some steam, or because I find the way you take a punch entertaining, or just because I'm on my period and have no rational reason - how does that help you take a break from it all?"

Hmm. Great question. "There is another component to my craving", I admit. "Some decisions I make at work affect other people. True, not in a material way, but still they are victims of these decisions - victims of my power. I can never fully let go of the guilt I carry for having and using that power, even if they were the right decisions for stakeholders. I think this is why being victimized myself, with so little power over my dominant partner, is so liberating. It vindicates some of my guilt. I know it may sound stupid, but it just feels right."

She does not respond for a long moment. "The training will be long and tough. Are you up for it?"

"I.. I can say one thing for sure, Miss. I am ready to take the first step to find out."

"Turn your webcam on and get naked" is all she says. I do as told. I turn around when she asks. I bend over for inspection. "Good boy", she says. These words always have a special effect on me. It feels so good to be judged positively by someone I respect, and she already is. I made a positive impression. I am liked. I am validated. And I am subject to her inspection. To her direction. To her guidance. To her correction. It is all going to be good from now on. I'm in good hands. And I have a purpose. To please her. To make her laugh. To appreciate her. To make her say these addicting words "Good boy".

"Thank you Miss", I grin. "The purpose of the training is to set some ground rules and to make you fear me. I have come to learn that a submissive mind is best molded through fear. The more you fear my punishment, the less your behavior will resemble that of the assholes at work. The more you fear me, the more this will be satisfying to me and worth my time. Understood?"

"Clear, Miss", I say politely. "Unfortunately for you, fear is best achieved by pain. By the end of your training you must understand that I can make you hurt whenever I desire and to the degree that I desire. It may be unfair, it may look like I'm doing this without rational reason, but you must understand there is a purpose for it all. I am a compassionate human being, I don't like seeing people get hurt, but I know this is necessary to get you to where I need you to be. There is no other way."

Yikes. "Understood, Miss."

"We will go through about 20 planned pain sessions. In addition, you will learn about my rules. Pay close attention to any rule I instruct you, I don't like to repeat myself. If you break any rule you will get a special punishment session in addition to the 20 planned. Trust me, you don't want an unplanned punishment session, and it is doable to finish training without having a single unplanned punishment session".

"To make pain sessions more fun to me, I may give you an objective to pursue that I know you cannot achieve, or I may complain about some trait you have that is not necessarily breaking a rule. This is purely for fun, and I hope you will also find these entertaining as you receive your necessary dose of pain. Unplanned punishment sessions, however, are not fun. You will feel terrible after them."

"I hope they won't be necessary, Miss", I say. "Me too", she replies. After a long minute, she adds - "Kneel to me if you're ready to begin your first introductory pain session, my little trainee boy"

My knees immediately obey her command, dropping to the floor as I feel my entire being burning with excitement.

== To be continued

11/9/2015 6:03:13 PM

= Fantasies 

I get off the train in Nantes station, not knowing what to expect. I am carrying a small backpack with a tooth brush, tooth paste, shaving foam, a razor, a small sleeping bag, one pair of socks, and one underwear. Nothing more. I quickly spot her. Wearing a cute blue dress and dark sun glasses, she is slightly taller than me, her brown hair falling on her shoulders. Gorgeous. We smile at each other. "Hello Maitresse", I say. "Hello boy", she responds. "How was the trip from Paris?". "Not too bad", I say. We go into her car to take the 30-minute ride to the country side where she lives. The conversation is effortless and flowing. We laugh at each other's jokes, and talk about random topics and messages we exchanged online. Almost like a vanilla first date.

We pull into the parking lot. Her house is surrounded by a large yard. There is one neighboring house, partially blocked from sight by trees. At the back she has an empty stable. "Welcome to your home for the long weekend!", she smile. I smile back. We step into her house, and she offers me a cup of water. "Shall we get down to business?". I nod.

She pulls a piece of paper and hands it over to me. It is a release of liability legal document. Basically, I can leave at any time I wish, but as long as I stay I'm giving her permission to inflict pain to me that might cause minor bruises and marks. The list of my limits I had sent is at the bottom. "Be very careful when you sign", she warns me. "I'm a sadist, I truly enjoy the power of making you suffer." "I didn't come here for nothing, Maitresse", I smile, and sign.

The toughest part about giving away control is fear of the unknown. I have no idea what makes her tick. I have no idea how much I can tolerate. But I am about to find out.

She hands me over a dark garbage bag. "Undress and put all your belongings here except for your backpack", she instructs me. I do as I am told. My heart always races the first time I am instructed to get naked by a powerful woman, and now is no exception. She eyes my naked body. "Nice, boy", she says, "but why aren't your balls shaved?". "I like it this way", I respond. "Well, I can't stand this. You either shave them or leave. Up to you." This is not a deal breaker for me, so I accept the first humiliating demand. She hands me a towel and instructs me to take a shower and come down when I'm all cleaned up, balls shaven.

I come down 30 minutes later. "Well you took your time", she says. "I've never shaved my balls before and didn't want to upset you by cutting my skin", I respond. "Let's have a look", she says, sounding unsatisfied. She grabs my balls with her hands, her fingernails piercing my shaved skin, and glances at them carefully. After a long minute, she approves.

"The long weekend is 3 days.", she says. "I am going to put you through 2 days of rough training at my stable. If you impress me enough I may deem you worthy for a third day here at home. Understood?" I nod. "Some women crave love and appreciation. Not me. I demand fear and respect. Through my years of experience, I have come to learn that the best way to make a man scared is through pain and risk of loss. So, the rules are simple - you can leave any time you want. If you do, you will never see or hear from me again. If you want to stay, you have to learn to fear me. The next 2 days are going to be very rough. I will take you to your limit of pain. But I want you to think about 2 things."

"First, all pain is temporary. In the future, it will be merely a way for me to signal to you that you need to correct your behavior. Do you really want to leave the possibility of me calling you my slave just because you can't sustain some temporary inconvenience?" She has a point, I think to myself. I can do it.

"Second - do you know what conditioning means, boy?" "Yes", I respond, "it means our subconscious learns by rewards and punishments to prefer doing a certain behavior." "Exactly. And pain is the most powerful conditioning tool I like to use. Now, you told me online that what you like most about being submissive is to make a powerful woman you can call your Maitresse happy. Well, I am a powerful woman, and you can consider me as your Maitresse for the next 2 days. So in the next 2 days, your objective is to become a better slave for me, by learning how to make me happy. Every time you receive pain, your subconscious also learns through conditioning. So you should actually WANT to get pain for bad behavior until you feel your subconscious has learned the lesson." She is brilliant.

She takes her handbag and pulls a collar from inside. She hands it over to me and asks me to kneel. "I want you to ask me to put the collar on you", she says. "You will have to say - Maitresse, by asking to put this collar on my neck I beg you to deem me worthy of your guidance. I will accept any pain with love and appreciation as a valuable lessons you so gracefully teach me." I repeat her words one to one. "Please Maitresse", I add. She smiles, takes the collar from my hands, puts it on my neck, and clips a metal chain leash to it. "You're ready. Take the backpack and this small stool and follow me to the stables to begin your training."

She leads me with the leash into the stable. It's a fairly small room with a dirt ground, wooden door, and metal bars window. There is a large sink just below the window. There is a gallon of water on the floor with a toilet paper roll next to it with a few plastic bags she had prepared in advance. This is where I'm going to be staying the night. I place the stool on the floor as instructed. "Kneel down on the ground, body over the stool", she commands, while grabbing a whip in her hand.

"The first lesson I am going to condition you to is this; you are never allowed to look into my eyes." "I understand, Maitresse", I say. "No, you do not", she smiles. "You see, your conscious mind may understand it, but I want your subconscious mind to understand it too." I am puzzled. "What we are going to do is this - you are going to purposely look into my eyes. As soon as you do I will shout at you, and strike you with this whip. We will do this as many times as I feel is necessary." Did I already say she is brilliant?

"Whenever you ready", she says. I take my gaze up and look into her eyes. "NO!", she screams, walk behind me and strikes me with the whip so hard I feel I'm going to fall from the stool. I can barely silent my scream. "You will learn another valuable lesson today, boy. Nobody can hear you here. You can scream and shout as much as your lungs allow it. In fact, you should - it makes me horny. So if you do not scream enough, it signals to me it wasn't a good blow, just like this one."

She is already in front of me, waiting for me to look at her. I really do not want to look at her again. My right ass cheek is burning like hell. "Please, Maitresse", I start. "You have exactly 10 seconds to look at me again, or I'm going to add 10 blows just like that", she responds. 10 is no small number when it comes to whipping. I gasps with fear and look at her again. "NO!" she shouts, walks behind me, and strikes me with full strength. I scream this time. With all the air my lungs can hold. She waits in front of me silently. I look again, and see her smiling cheek to cheek, just as she shouts her dreadful "NO" again.

I don't know how much time has passed and how many blows I got. But my ass was burning like crazy when she finally said she needs to rest. I stay still. I can't move away from the stool. It's too painful. It takes me about 5 minutes before I finally decide I may want to change position. I curl up on the floor and cry like a baby. The pain is unbearable. Why am I here? What am I doing here? Was it worth it? Maybe I should just go home.

After a long while I look around and I can't see her. She must have left when I was still in deep pain. The door is locked shut. I clear my throat and call "Maitresse?" No response. I call louder. Nothing. I notice a small buzzer on the wall to the east. Below there is a small note. "Press the buzzer when you're ready for the next lesson. P.S. if we don't get through 2 more lessons today, you fail training." I've never failed anything in my life. I press the buzzer. I go stand near the stool, eyes buried to the ground.

After 10 minutes or so I hear the sound of the door bar. I can sense her presence in the room, but don't dare to look up. "Hello, boy" she says. "Hello Maitresse", I respond. "Why aren't you leaning over the stool?", she asks. Oh my god, is she going to keep whipping me? A wave of immense fear completely sweeps me over and my legs begin to tremble involuntarily. "I.. I.. I was thinking...", I start saying. "Shhhh", she shoos me. "Every time I leave you at a certain position I want you to get back to that position, is this clear?". "Very clear, Maitresse". "Good. What did we learn today, boy?" "I learned never to look at your eyes, Maitresse." "Good", she responds, "Is that all?". I hesitate. "No, Maitresse. I learned that nobody can hear me scream and that I always get back to the position in which you leave me, Maitresse". "Good. Is that all?", she asks. I hesitate again. "I also think that my subconscious learned these valuable lessons too, Maitresse." As I finish saying this, I can hear her breaths. She keeps silent for a very long minute that looks like eternity. I am trying to think very hard about anything I might have learned. Anything to please her. But my mind is completely blank. She comes close to me. Very close. My eyes are to the ground, I don't dare look up. "Is that all?", she repeats slowly every word. I keep silent. She walks around me intently, and I feel myself starting to sweat. Nothing comes up to my mind.

"I.. I am sorry Maitresse. Nothing else comes to my mind", I admit. She snorts. "And I thought you were smart. Why are you wearing a collar to your neck? What is the meaning of serving me? Why are you receiving pain? Why is pain good for you? It seems like you have missed so many things, boy. I am disappointed." I am really scared now. I did miss all these things. How stupid of me. I am shaking again. "Please.. Maitresse, I am so..." I say with a ridiculous trembling voice of a fearful child, almost crying. She shoos me again with a finger on my lips. "Shh.. No matter. Let's proceed to the next lesson of the day - reporting bad thoughts, mistakes, and misbehavior. The objective of this lesson is to teach you that not reporting a bad thought, mistake, or misbehavior and not asking for appropriate punishment is always worse than the punishment itself." Wow, she is good. "And can you guess how we are going to achieve that, boy?" It doesn't take me long to respond. I know the answer immediately. "More pain, of course, Maitresse". I don't look up at her, but I know she is smiling from cheek to cheek as she whispers at me "oh, yes indeed.".



-- to be continued (please ask me to continue this if you enjoyed the first part) --

 


11/17/2014 6:58:12 PM
We were dating for about 3 months when that event changed our sex life forever. We were making love on a Friday night, like your next door vanilla couple. None of us had had any real experience with D/s. In the heat of the moment I got carried away and said "I would really want to tie you up right now". I occasionally said this to my vanilla partners, because I thought it was dirty. The first time I said it I felt pretty awkward; just like that first time a partner asks to get spanked during sex. It kinda feels related to the act of love making, but also a little bit out of place. At least at first. Should I synchronize it with thrusting forward? When does it become too much? Does it suppose to make so much noise? Anyhow, gradually I realized my dirty confession almost always had a positive "Yes, please!" reaction, and really turned my partner on. But I had no idea what to do with a tied up girl, so I never followed up on it. That night was different. Ironically, that night set the scene for my submission to her for the rest of our relationship.

All I had was a stretch bandage. It was enough to tie her hands to my bed frame and blind fold her with my shirt. My lips were close to her naked breasts, and I circled with my tongue around them. Her nipples were always very sensitive, and touching them always turned her on like no other girl I had dated. I decided to take this to my advantage and played around them, getting really close but without ever touching them. She understood what I was doing immediately, and started squirming like a wounded animal. "Suck on them!" she screamed at me with frustration, pushing her chest straight to my mouth. But I ignored her pleas, and went on with teasing her. It was a beautiful sight, seeing my love tied naked, completely subjected to my whims, trying helplessly to have me pleasure her the way she wanted. "Wait till I have my way with you!", she cried. I didn't hear her. I was consumed by how much power I had over her at the moment, how wonderful it felt to be desired so aggressively, and how entertaining it was to see her squirm with desperation.

I don't know how long I teased her for. Maybe it was an hour. Her nipples, her neck, her clit, her cunt. I had no mercy. I finally gave in and went down on her with full commitment. I loved licking her intimate lips. I loved hearing the sound of her moans. I loved seeing the impact I had on her body with the tip of my tongue and the pressure of my lips. This time I didn't have to come up when she asked me to. This time I could go down on her for as long as I wanted, indulging on the sight of her pelvis moving restlessly, on the power of her deep breaths, on the sound of her involuntary moans. I finally came up. We made love. She came. The most intense orgasm she had had. I came inside her shortly after. What a night.

The next evening, we had dinner with a friend. "I have a surprise for you", she whispered as we were entering the restaurant. "What is it?", I asked. "You'll see after dinner". We kept exchanging mischievous smiles during dinner, as if we shared the most wonderful secret. I loved the way she smiled, the way she talked with enthusiasm, the wild look in her eyes. We came back to my place. She pushed me to the bed. "Close your eyes", she commanded, and I obeyed. I could hear her taking off her cute short black dress. I opened my eyes to find her gorgeous than ever, wearing a red-black corset. "Do you like it?", she said with excitement. I loved it. She was sexy as ever. "I wore it the entire evening under my dress. I felt so dirty!" She was adorable. I came up to kiss her, but she pushed me violently back. "Tonight, baby, you're mine. Whenever I wear this corset, I make the rules. Is it clear?" It was. She stripped me naked. I tried to kiss her again. Her lips, her breasts, her thighs - but she avoided them all. "You are not allowed" she said firmly. I was the one to get tied and teased that night.

She made me give her everything I deprived from her when I was teasing her the night before. She forced me to suck her nipples and lick her breasts. She made me watch her masturbate above my cock, without allowing me to touch. She licked around my cock, never touching the shaft. It was tormenting. "Please, babe!", I cried. "I want to lick you so badly. Can I please lick you?". "No", she said plainly, knowing how much I craved the taste of her juices. "I am so sorry about last night, baby. I took it too far". "You did", she said. "I am not just a toy you play with." "No, you're not", I responded. "But you are my toy tonight. And many more nights", she said. "Please babe, I really want to lick you". "What you want is irrelevant tonight, baby" was all she said.

She continued teasing me for a long hour, until she finally moved her panties aside and let me lick her. I ate her like a starved man. It turned her on so badly she pushed her pussy hard into my face, raising her head up while focusing on her pleasure. She was such a proud woman. She would never let me establish a top position for too long. In real life, and in the bedroom. She wanted me to pleasure her, and nothing would stop her from getting what she deserved. 

A few minutes passed by, and she decided to ride me. Her pelvis was moving back and forth aggressively. She was pounding me forcefully, her bones hitting mine intensely. That must be how women feel like, I was thinking to my self. Shortly after, I started feeling an orgasm building up in my groin, an orgasm I could not possible escape. "Stop, babe!", I begged. "I am going to cum if you don't". "You are not allowed to cum!", she shouted, and slapped my balls firmly. I flinched in pain. But she continued to ride me. I was never punched in my balls before, at least not during sex. I didn't really know how to react. On the one hand, I was hurt. On the other hand, it was effective, and a part of me felt like I deserved it. It made me feel so.. hers. As if I have a higher purpose than simply cumming uncontrollably - and that purpose was demonstrated through my acceptance of her superiority. Her superiority was made explicit through having me suffer - a very sharp pain - for her. Especially in a place so delicate, so private - the source of my pride. That single slap in the heat of the moment changed our relationship forever.

"I must say, weirdly enough, that you slapping my balls made me feel connected to you in a special way", I confessed to her shortly after we both came off our ecstatic ride. "You like it, don't you?", she asked, smiling and stroking my hair. "I do", I responded, only to be forced to cringe again when she sent another sharp blow to my balls. She laughed, and I crossed my legs to prevent her from accessing them. "That wasn't funny!", I exclaimed. "Relax, babe", she said. "Open your legs for me." "I'm scared", I answered. "that's precisely why you need to relax. I'll get there anyways, so resisting is silly. You know it's painful, and you know you cannot avoid it. So the choice you have is to accept it. Find meaning in it. You are doing this for me. You are doing this because you love me. It means a lot to me that you are willing to take such pain for me. It makes me trust you, and feel connected to you." I was quietly thinking of what she was saying. Rising above the physical sensation of pain to find meaning in strengthening what we had built through sacrificing my own pride - for her, was certainly a challenge. But I was up for it. She was important enough. As those thoughts were racing through my head, she leaned forward and kissed me gently on my lips. "Open your legs for me, baby. And look into my eyes", she said sweetly. I obeyed. Our eyes did not detach as she was giving me a blow after a blow. My legs moved in pain. But I opened them again and again after each blow as soon as I was ready for the next one. For her.

When we truly accept suffering to the benefit of someone we love, we carve a very special mark in our heart that shapes our relationship with them forever. 


11/16/2014 7:49:54 PM
"Can I come up?", she said. I hesitated. On the one hand I really wanted her to come up. But I was also scared. It was our third date after we established the collar protocol. And the day prior I pissed her off. I did not respond to her text for a few hours, and the fact I was in meetings didn't seem to make an impression on her. "Don't worry, I'm not going to put the collar on you tonight", she sensed my fear. "I just want to talk in a quiet environment." 

She sat on my sofa and put her purse on the table. She was so pretty, and I couldn't escape the thought of how much power she had on me. I was ashamed for making her annoyed. "Wine?", I asked. "Red please", she said. I poured us two glasses and sat next to her. "I'm really sorry about last night", I apologized. She hushed me and kissed my lips. "You made me very angry yesterday". "I am very sorry, baby", I said. "Are you?", she asked looking straight into my eyes.

I paused, and escaped her piercing gaze. A part of me thought it wasn't fair for her to ask me to stop everything I do and respond to her text. Can I be honest with her about that? I decided to take the risk. "Well, to be honest...", I started exclaiming when she promptly hushed me again. "I know sometimes you have important meetings, and I want you to know that I support you in your career". I felt relieved. She understands. "But you also need to know that I have the right to get pissed at you. And when you make me pissed, you have the responsibility to fix that." I looked at her, puzzled. "How do I do that?". "You know how, baby", she said and looked at her purse. "I thought we weren't going to do that tonight?" She put her wine glass on the table and stood up, ready to leave. "We don't have to. We can do it another time, when you're ready to repair the damage you've done. I'll see you another time." "Wait!", I pleaded. "I'm sorry. I want to fix it." She looked at me and snorted. "I don't believe you do." "Babe, please. Can you please put the collar on me?", I begged. "Do you think putting the collar on you is done on your terms and conditions, whenever you so desire?", she raised her voice, clearly annoyed. "Why should I allow you to repair the damage? What if I want to be annoyed at you?" "Baby, all I want is to make you happy again. I am so sorry about yesterday. Please, I will do whatever it takes.", I was on my knees, gently touching her shins and looking up into her eyes. "Please, let me fix that", I begged. "OK", her voice became firm. "You have 10 seconds to get naked and beg again, and I'll consider. 10.. 9.."

It took me a second to internalize her request and I rushed to take my clothes off. I had thought we agreed she can top me only when the collar was on, but she had a different agenda. She wanted me to realize that I must never take for granted her willingness to put the collar on me in the first place. "2.. 1.." I barely made it. I was on my knees, naked, begging "please, babe. I feel ashamed for making you angry. Can I please be allowed to express my deepest regret and fix the damage I did by wearing the collar tonight?". She was holding the collar in her right hand, and pulled my hair with her left forcing me to look at my feet. "I thought I said fully naked", she said quietly. In the rush of time I forgot to take my socks off. "Shit. I am so sorry babe". She released my hair, leaned down, and put the collar on my neck. "You have many things to pay for tonight, sweetie. Or should I say, bitch". That's how she liked to call me when the collar was on. "I am sorry, Princess." I followed our protocol. "Today I will teach you to take a good spanking to pay for all the crap you made me go through. And there will be tears."

She pulled me by the balls to the bedroom. It was one of her favorite things to do. Frankly, mine to. I loved it when she controlled me through my balls and cock. I disliked the pain associated with it, but the emotional aspect of taking in her hands the body parts I had used to express dominance on my vanilla partners was extremely powerful. She liked to squeeze them while looking into my eyes and asking me a question with only one right answer - her answer. She liked to flick them with a cupped hand or with the back of her hand to encourage me to admit something, making me jolt in pain. And she liked to lead me somewhere with my balls in her hand without saying a word. I loved it and hated it at the same time. It was the main reason I feared being collared, and it made me desperately want to be a better boyfriend in our day to day life. But this time it wasn't about my balls. She was about to show me how she can break me by spanking my ass. 

She placed a pillow on the bed and told me to lie on my stomach. The pillow raised my ass higher in the air. She then locked both my hands behind my back, and held them firmly with one hand. If I tried to move them, she would push them up towards my head which was quite painful. I felt exposed. "Here is the protocol, bitch. I am going to spank you 10 times with my hand on each cheek. I will announce the current count, and spank you. You will repeat that number out loud and thank me. Understood?" "Yes Princess", I said. 10 times doesn't sound that much, I thought to my self.

"One!", she said and spanked my right ass cheek. "One! Thank you Princess" I repeated. "I didn't hear you", she said. "One!" she spanked me again. "One!" I said louder. "Did you forget anything? One!", she said again. "One! Thank you Princess", I corrected myself. "Two!" she finally advanced. I hardly minded the first few blows, but every additional blow my ass cheek became more red, and the blows more painful. I don't know how many spanks my right ass cheek received before I started having tears in my eyes. I think it was at least 30. I tried to pull my hands lower to protect my ass, but her grip was too firm. My legs started moving involuntarily with with every blow. 

"What's wrong, baby?", she said. "It's really painful", I cried. "I know", she soothed me quietly and pat my hair. It sounded like she genuinely cared. "I am sorry we have to do this, babe. But we really don't have a choice", she said in a tender voice. I cried. More is coming. "You must learn how to behave". She gave me 5 more blows before saying, "your legs are making it really hard for me, babe. Can you please control them?". I wanted to, but I couldn't. Her voice became increasingly annoyed as she was counting. "Nine!" she shouted for the I-don't-know-how-many times. "OK, bitch", she said. "This cannot continue. You need to learn to be a man enough to get your punishment. From now on, I want you to lift your ass in the air every time you are ready to receive the next spanking." I was relieved. Now I can control the pace. "But" she said, "if it takes you more than 5 seconds, I will add 30 spanking to your punishment."

30 more! I cried. I could not afford to receive 30 more spanks. I realized counts didn't matter. All that mattered was to break me. And her way to do this was brilliant. I was tormented. If I lift my ass in the air, I get spanked, but psychologically - I asked for it, so I deserved it. If I don't lift my ass in the air, I get spanked even more, and psychologically - I asked for it too. It was her way to make me take ownership on my punishment. Just like I needed to take ownership on my misbehavior. 

I lifted my ass and accepted the ninth-ish blow for a few more times, when my legs started shaking and I felt I couldn't take it anymore. My ass remained down on the pillow. "You've got 3 more seconds to get that ass back in the air!", she shouted. "Please, Princess", I cried, "I am so sorry. I should never have let you wait that long. I should have found an excuse to go to the restroom and respond to your message. Please, I can't take it anymore. Please baby" my voice was trembling, my face covered with tears. "I am so sorry Princess. I will never do it again. I learned my lesson. I won't disappoint you again."

To my surprise, she stopped and took my head in her hands. I weeped like a child. She kissed me and soothed me. "I know you won't baby" she said with her sweet, soft voice.

"You better not."


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slutcaylee
 
 Age: 29
 LA, California