If you are going to play with someone, or considering playing with us, at some stage you should be clear about your your turn ons, turn offs, soft limits and hard limits.
Its objective to know how you stand on anal play, verbal degradation, bondage, canes, non sexual servitude just to mention a couple.
The grading scale we use for understanding where you stand follows, as there are several different ones available online and in case you never read them before, this might help you. Should be self explanatory from here:
Definition
3: its ok
This is the waterline. Its something you accept to do, plain and simple. Not a turn on, not a dislike. Its just OK to you
2 and 4: Like or dislike
From here we can move a notch up or down. Does it turn you on? One up becomes a 4. You accept it but its not too pleasant to you? One down it becomes a two 2.
1 and 5: Love or hate
On the far ends, if you extremely like it, love it, its a major turn on or you crave for it, then its a 5. On the other hand, you hate it, its a turn off, we call it a "soft limit" and its a 1. Soft limit activities should be used with caution within a Safe Sound and Consensual rule and common sense rule of thumb. The soft limit make a good punishment.
0: NO means NO
But a NO means NO. Yet since some would look as being disrespectfull saying "no" to a dominant, classifying it as 0 (zero) saves face and is also within the logic: goes out of the scale, its a no and should be considered abuse or a statutory rape, for example. Some subs will not hesitate on calling it a rape to be touched in their genitalia in bondage if it was off limits, and they are right.
All this can be an interesting conversation, but this cheat sheet is handy to be objective and used as a reference.
Summary
5 = you crave for it
4 = you like it
3 = you accept it
2 = you dont like it but accept it
1 = turn off, punishment, soft limit
0 = HARD LIMIT. Never ever.
Checklist
There are many versions online, more exhaustive to less ones. You may write your own focusing on your limits: what you crave and what you wont do. Your play parters would take it from there to ask the rest. It is actually a turn on for us, for example, to interrogate about them :).
Examples:
- What is your stand on receiving Anal?
- 5, I love it.
- Nice to learn. What is your stand on being addressed as a slut?
- 2. I do not mind. It does not turn me on, but if you are happy, I just want you to feel happy and obey.
- Good girl. How about face slaps?
- 0, no way.
- Afraid of marks?
- Even without marks, I have this trauma, long story.
- Ok, we respect that, its important to know boundaries. And caning?
- 4. I like it, but I like it more if I am on bondage, are involved, would be a 5.
- Good, and bruises?
- 4, but non visible because of my job...
