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scorpiomaster
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adalsislave
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I wrote the following Random Act of Kindness, below for a beautiful young lady who is no longer with us. I didnt know her personally, however, she touched me deeply and this is the result of that experience. I used to only post it on Valentines Day each year on this site. Then I decided, it was not only worthy of being posted once a year, but more importantly, it was genuinely worthy of being a reminder every day throughout the year. Always paying it forward in her memory.
If we as people sit idly by and do nothing, then we can expect nothing. If we put out positive energy, then we are prepared to receive positive energy in return. Every time someone reads my Random Act of Kindness, they take part in sharing her very energy, celebrating her life even though lost, will always be remembered.
A Random Act of Kindness
I would like to take a moment to bring everyones attention to just how positive A Random Act of Kindness, can affect another persons life.
It doesnt need to be a holiday or any specific time of year. The chain reaction that this creates, is truly priceless!
I encourage each of you for no reason at all, to pick out a homeless person, the elderly, a child that doesnt have much, due to circumstances. It can also be someone you know thats having a hard time. Take the opportunity to make someones day special.
Life is about opportunities we create, not just those that are presented to us. We as people, miss out on so much in life, if we do not navigate our own experiences in a positive light.
It can be a box of chocolates or something you think that person can use or needs. Following that with a genuine hug or a simple greeting of appreciation in acknowledgement of that moment. This random act of kindness can accomplish miracles!
Remember! Each time A Random Act of Kindness, takes place in this world, at some point in that persons life they will remember your kind act and pass it along to another who is in need.
Its called, paying it forward
There is no better gift that you or anyone can give yourself, other than by experiencing this very act. Its truly worthy of being repeated throughout your life time.
Selflessness can only be accomplished through a deep heart felt desire and need to give for no reason at all, no self gain, genuinely wanting nothing in return. Just to know you put a smile on someones face is rewarding alone.
Theres no amount of money in this world, that can buy this very personalized gift.
Remember
A heart can sour when we dont share some of what we have.
It climbs higher, when we share some of what we dont have.
Our very spirit shines when we recognize someone other than ourselves.
Our awareness doubles with each experience that is selfless.
As the mere essence evolves into growth, seeing through anothers eyes.
All just by participating in A Random Act of Kindness.
Ive always been a people person, finding value in all things in life.
Caring about others has always been easy for me, being effortless. When you put yourself out there with a genuine authenticity it becomes your signature stamp.
Theres no greater joy than to know that your words have spiraled in some small way, inspiring another. Inspiration in life is like liquid gold that falls helplessly through your fingers as you hold your hands out in front of you with that of wonder.
While the magic begins to upon a page, much like a worn out well loved book. Inspiration disguises itself as a tangible emotion that grips your very core like a tangled web of roots ripping apart the soil digging deeply into the ground, refusing to budge. As the words begin to crumble into unrecognizable pieces laying before you. Housing a similarity to that of a puzzle, weaving themselves into an intricate web of wonder. That very wonder I continually mention, is what fascinates me. A single word is no different than a stack of building blocks as you ulate them into a work of art.
The result that rises up from the center of this very web is your voice. A voice that speaks with confidence. Housing mountains, valleys and hills along with the needed neutral zones so that they have body and dont lay flat upon a page. Success is capturing the readers imagination inspiring them.
I myself read very little. But when I do read a good book, I appreciate nothing more than one that I cannot hope to put down. Until I have consumed it completely to the end, finally achieving a full stomach of satisfaction in the digested words.
Aside from this
It is my hope to inspire as many as I can with my words. Igniting ones imagination. All the while breathing life into it. Just as if you were blowing gently upon dry grasses with aglow atop that of a splinter of coal. Carefully nestling it like a new born baby. All the while being cradled in your hands as you gently blow life into the flame.
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A BELIEF IS (NOTHING BUT) A THOUGHT THAT IS TRUE FOR YOU!
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Just thought I'd share an original to a saying I created that just cracks me up. I've always been self entertained. And I believe sharing is caring.
Anyways;
That thing about life being a bowl of cherries? The pits are really fucking big, chew gently.
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A BAD DAY IS NOTHING MORE THAN A GIFT OF OPPORTUNITY TO SELF!
HAVING A BAD DAY?
PAUSE FOR A BRIEF MOMENT EMBRACING IT WITH OPEN ARMS, BEING A PART OF YOUR PRESENT SELF. KNOWING SOON, IT WILL BECOME A THING OF THE PAST!
ALL A BAD DAY IS,
IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO PAUSE TURNING YOUR DAY AROUND,
AND IF YOUR DAY CONTINUES TO GET WORSE?
ALL THAT IS,
IS ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO TRANSFORM YOUR DAY INTO A MEMORABLE ONE,
AND IF YOUR DAY CONTINUES TO TAKE A DIVE?
ALL THAT IS,
IS A DAY THAT ALLOWS YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE YOUR SKILLS FOR FREE,
ALL SO THAT YOU MAY COME TO APPRECIATE THAT SOMETIMES IN LIFE THE BEST
PRESENTS WE RECEIVE ARE THOSE THAT ARE OFTEN OVERLOOKED,
IT IS ONLY THEN,
THAT YOU'LL NOTICE THE RED CARPET ROLLED OUT IN FRONT OF YOU,
PATIENTLY A WAITING FOR YOU TO NOTICE ITS INVITATION
OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT IN APPRECIATION FOR ALL THINGS IN LIFE YOU HAVE THAT OF WHICH YOU'RE THANKFUL,
AND EVEN IF YOU NEVER GOT THAT FAR,
DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'D RATHER BE DOING WITH YOUR TIME,
INSTEAD,
TAKE MENTAL NOTES ON EVERY POSITIVE THING THAT HAS TRANSPIRED AS A RESULT OF YOUR EXPERIENCE, TRANSFORMING ANY DAY INTO A GOOD ONE THAT'S LACED WITH APPRECIATION.
AND REMIND YOURSELF,
ALL THINGS IN LIFE HAVE NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE ELEMENTS HOUSED WITHIN THEM AND THEY EXIST FOR A REASON,
SO INSTEAD,
TRAIN YOUR MIND TO SEE THE GOOD IN THE BAD,
THE POSITIVE IN THE NEGATIVE,
&
NEVER TAKE A SINGLE PERSON, DAY OR MOMENT FOR GRANTED AGAIN,
KNOWING,
ALL THINGS PERCEIVED AS BAD,
ARE JUST AN OPPORTUNITY A WAITING,
TO BE TURNED INTO SOMETHING,
~GOOD~
Sometimes it's not easy to maintain a positive attitude when it feels like everything around you is falling apart. Life is full of illusions that we must train our eyes to see past, so that we may focus on what has been built to last. Rather than that of what's unraveling before our eyes. Similar to that of a ball of yarn, just a waiting to be molded into someone's vision. Now becoming a vehicle, a useful tool that's honed into it's best reflection of self.
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My profile vanished at the touch of a button last week! And well, I chose to view it as an opportunity to do something a little different with my profile. As all things in life are opportunities just waiting to bloom! But most importantly; I was able to restore the Random Acts of Kindness article I wrote about a young lady who helped create who I am today in the present, simply by knowing of her. She is and always will be my inspiration. And my comfort is knowing her imprint will never leave my side, so that my words one day may find a home. |
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Abraham Maslow wrote, A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to ultimately be at peace with himself.
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HOW TO TELL THE
SEX OF A FLY!
A WOMAN WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN TO FIND HER HUSBAND
STALKING AROUND WITH A FLY SWATTER.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" SHE ASKED.
"HUNTING FLIES," HE RESPONDED.
"OH! KILLING ANY," SHE ASKED.
"YEP! THREE MALES, TWO FEMALES," HE REPLIED.
INTRIGUED, SHE ASKED.
"HOW CAN YOU TELL THEM APART?"
HE RESPONDED,
"3 WERE ON A BEER CAN, TWO WERE ON THE PHONE."
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I SEEN THIS AND JUST COULD'T RESIST POSTING IT. ENJOY!
READ THIS OUT LOUD
this is this cat.
this is is cat.
this is how cat.
this is to cat.
this is keep cat.
this is an cat.
this is idiot cat.
this is busy cat.
this is for cat.
this is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW GO BACK AND READ THE THIRD WORD ONLY IN EACH LINE FROM THE START.
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I just REad aN artICle
oN tHe DANgeRs
oF DRInkInG...
ScAReD tHe ShIt oUt Of mE
SoOo ThATs iT!
AFteR toDaY nO MorE DrinKiNg!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'M SORRY I KEEP CALLING
YOU
AND HANGING UP.
I JUST GOT THIS NEW PHONE
AND
IT'S VOICE ACTIVATED,
SO EVERY TIME I HOLLER
DUMBASS
IT DIALS YOU...
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THIS IS REALLY BAD BUT SO DAMN FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME
CHALLENGE
ONLY A GENIUS CAN SAY THESE FOUR WORDS, FOUR TIMES REALLY FAST WITHOUT GETTING TONGUE TWISTED.
EYE, YAM, STEW, PEED
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What to expect when you contact me;
I love people, while I find value in all things. I've always been a people person. Caring about others has always been easy for me, while being effortless. When you put yourself out there with a genuine authenticity it becomes your signature stamp.
I find it rewarding when I get messages from other cs residents sharing that I have in some way inspired them to speak out upon their journal/profile. There's no greater joy than to know that your words have spiraled, inspiring another. Inspiration in life is like liquid gold that falls helplessly through your fingers as you hold your hands out in front of you with that of wonder.
While the magic begins to form upon a page, much like a worn out well loved book. Inspiration disguises itself as a tangible emotion that grips your very core like a tangled web of roots ripping apart the soil digging deeply into the ground, refusing to budge. As the words begin to crumble into unrecognizable pieces laying before you. Housing a similarity to that of a puzzle, weaving themselves into an intricate web of wonder. That very wonder I continually mention, is what fascinates me. A single word is no different than a stack of building blocks as you formulate them into a work of art.
The result that rises up from the center of this very web is your voice. A voice that speaks with confidence. Housing mountains, valleys and hills along with the needed neutral zones so that they have body and don't lay flat upon a page. Success is capturing the reader's imagination inspiring them.
I myself read very little. But when I do read a good book, I appreciate nothing more than one that I cannot hope to put down. Until I have consumed it completely to the end, finally achieving a full stomach of satisfaction in the digested words.
And;
It is my hope to inspire as many as I can with my words. Igniting ones imagination. All the while breathing life into it. Just as if you were blowing gently upon dry grasses with aglow atop that of a splinter of coal. Carefully nestling it like a new born baby. All the while being cradled in your hands as you gently blow life into the flame.
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These jokes came from another cs resident;
Thank you!
&
PLEASE ENJOY!
A woman goes to the doctor saying, "I was stung by a bee on a golf course doctor." The doctor asks, "Where were you stung?" The woman say's, "Between the first and second hole doctor." The doctor replies, "Your stance is to wide."
This is funny as hell;
A husband and wife are lounging on the couch. He starts rubbing her shoulder, then rubbing her arm, then rubbing her upper chest. Well, it been awhile and its having a pleasant effect on her.
He rubs her stomach, then he rubs down the outside of her leg, then up the inside of her leg. NOW it's having a profoundly pleasant effect on her. He starts down the other leg and stops. She looks at him asking,"Why did you stop?'.
"Found the remote!"
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A cs resident sent me this saying. And you just gotta love it;
Two wrongs don't make a right. But two lefts make a U-turn.
Thanks goes out to him and you know who you are... |
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Thanks yet again goes out to another cs resident for sharing this joke with me. Giving me permission to post it to my journal so that others can enjoy it too! It's just to damn funny...
A guy walks into a bar, approaches a beautiful woman saying, "Do you want to have sex?" She slaps him a crossed the face and screams at him, "What kind of girl do you think I am?" You're such a pig! He calmly responds, "So I guess a blow job is out of the question too."
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Thanks goes out to the same cs resident for the following joke;
A doctor tells his patient, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The patient answers, "The bad news." The doctor say's, "You have terminal cancer and only have a few weeks to live. There is nothing that can be done." The patient turns hysterical, screaming, "That's horrible news. What news could possibly be worse than that?" After hearing that, what could possibly be good news?" The doctor say's, "Did you notice how hot my receptionist is? Well I'm fucking her now."
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This is just damn funny while thanks goes to another cs resident once again;
A man is out in the desert for quite a while finding he's getting quite horny. He asks the nomads there, "What do you do when you get horny?" They tell him, "We use the camel''. The guy is disgusted, but as days go on gets hornier and hornier. Finally he succumbs to the drought. Heading to the stables he does the deed with the camel. The next day he comes out and asks the nomads there, "How do you guys do that?" It was disgusting and the camel fought the entire time. One of the nomads tells him, "I'm afraid you didn't understand'' We use the camel to get to the brothel 10 miles down the road."
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This is just funny as hell, a true favorite...
...A DICK HAS A SAD LIFE...
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his next door neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him habitually.
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Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean your welcome.
A man asks his wife, "Can I come in your ear?" She says, "No, I might go deaf!" He says, "Funny I always come in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up!"
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase, "Thanks for coming."
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
I find myself drawn to people who are intelligent, funny and perverted.
I asked the wife to try anal last night. "Fuck that shit," she replied. That's the spirit I said.
what did one pussy lip say to the other? "We used to be so tight until we let some dick come between us."
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag the cashier asks?" "No," the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Three little old ladies are sitting on a park bench feeding the birds, when a man comes by and flashes them all.The first two little old ladies have a stroke, but the third one couldn't quite reach.
Life is a lot like cock. Simple, soft straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then a woman makes it hard.
The husband say's to the wife, "I bet you can't piss me off and make me happy at the same time." The wife say's "Your dick is bigger than your brothers."
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I heard this on the radio and just had to laugh...
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Sooo confusing I know...
They say winner's aren't quitters. And quitters never win. Where did "Quit while your ahead," come into play?"
Just crazzzy...
A cs member brought this one to my attention below...
A penny earned is a penny saved. I Wonder who pays for utilities?
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In life we are sometimes forced to accept change by the hand that removes things beyond our control. Finding ourselves seeking internally to understand, how has it come to be. We must during times like these remind ourselves daily that everything in life happens for a reason, the timing we have no control over. Decisions can be made that change or can alter the course of our sails when we least expect it.
I've had three surprises take place recently that I didn't see or expect coming at me just slam into my reality. The first one was a welcoming surprise, a family member returned home unannounced. The second one was surreal, in that I couldn't believe what I was hearing with my own ears, having acceptance. The third one is what I call a tragedy, when a beautiful soul is embarking upon his journey beyond this dimension being called back home to another plane of existence. Now I just feel like I need to catch my breath, if even for just a moment. Nothing in this damn world ever waits for any of us to catch up it seems, so I had better just start running.
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO REMAIN POSITIVE!
The path isn't a straight line; it's spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.
Written by: Barry H. Gillespie
Things aren't getting worse, they are getting uncovered. We must hold each other tight and continue to pull back the veil.
Author unknown
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A thought below...
It's possible the very journey were on isn't so much about becoming anything after all. Making it possible that after all this, what it's really about is unbecoming everything that isn't really you to begin with in life. Which makes it blindly simple, simple being a perfect.
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Another cs resident sent me this joke tonight giving me permission to post it on my journal. After making some slight changes to it, here it's for you to enjoy.
...I laughed so hard I just had to share it...
Magic Apples
A guy walks into the bar and orders a rum and coke. The bartender turns around handing him an apple. The guy is like WTF. The bartender says, "Its magic, take a bite." The guy does and to his surprise it taste like rum. The bartender says, "Turn it around," the guy does taking another bite. Sure enough, tastes like coke, the bartender says, "Magic apples."
The second guy comes in, give me a gin and tonic. The bartender hands him another apple. Again its like WTF, the first guy says, "Don't worry just take a bite." Sure enough it taste like gin. The bartender says, "Turn it around, its tonic, see magic apple."
A midget comes in, and sits down. The bartender asks what he wants? He stops and thinks, the other two guys say "Don't worry, he has anything you want." The midget say's, "I want pussy." The bartender hands him an apple, he bites it and spits it out, gagging. Saying this tastes like shit, the bartender says "Well turn it around."
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My thanks goes out once again to the same unknown cs resident that sent me the last joke I posted. It has me hurling in the best way. I just love a good laugh! Thanks much...
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M walks into a bar, ordering a drink. The bartender asks, "Are you gay?" He say's, "Yes I am," the bartender then tells him I don't serve your type but the man say's, "Give me one drink and I won't cause you any problems." He gets his drink leaves quietly. The next day he shows up with a younger man, orders two drinks. The bartender asks him "Is the younger man gay too." He say's, "Yes he's and he's my son." The bartender gives them both a drink asking them to leave once again. They drink their drinks and leave quietly. The next day he shows up with an even younger man and the bartender say's, "Wait, is this young man gay too?" He tells the bartender, "Yes and he's my other son." The bartender looks at the young man and say's, "Damn son, doesn't anybody in your family like pussy? The young man looks at the bartender and say's, "Yes, my sister."
Just gotta love it! What a crack up...
Next;
One Sunday morning at Sunday school the preacher asked the kids what part of the body gets to heaven first? Little Billy said, "It's your hands." The preacher asked, "Why do you say the hands?" Little Billy replies, "That's in my Bible, Jesus has his hand up in the air so it is the hands." The preacher says, "That's a good answer Billy."
Little Suzy's says, "That's wrong Rev. It's your head that gets there first." The Preacher ask her, "Why do you say the head?" She replies, "That's in her Bible, Jesus has his hands at his sides as he is rising to heaven so you know it is your head." That's is also a a good answer the preacher says.
Now Little Johnny yells out, They're both wrong and I know what the real answer is." The preacher says, "So tell all of us what is the correct answer Johnny." Johnny talks up with a loud voice and says, "It's your feet rev and i know i am right." Your feet the rev says, where did you come up with that answer?
Johnny cleared his throat saying, "I was walking past my Mother's bed room she was laying on her back with her feet in the air and yelling OHHH GOD I'M CUMMING, I'M CUMMING! And she would have went if daddy had not been laying on top of her.
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I get jokes sent to me all the time. When I get their permission to share them by posting them in my journal, I jump at the chance and this is just to damn funny! So thanks goes out to an unknown cs resident, who hopefully will keep them coming...
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This young man all his life wanted to shoot a duck, so for his 21st birthday he bought a shotgun and went hunting. A few minutes later a duck flew over his head and he pulled the trigger aiming at the duck. The duck ended up falling in another man's yard.
As he reached to pick the duck up the man ran out of his house and said, "Leave that duck alone." That's my duck the younger man explained. He told him how much the duck really meant to him and the older man told him that he would be willing to have a contest to see who wins the duck. He explained that the rules are as follows. Each man would kick the other in the balls and whoever gave up first, the other man would win the duck.
The younger man agreed, bracing himself to be kicked in the balls by the older man. The old man got a running start and kicked him for all he was worth. The young man was in so much pain that passed out. Upon waking up, he told the old man now it's my turn.
The old man looked at him and smiled. He replied, "Fuck it," take the damn duck.
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Okay so I am guilty as charged. I only picked out this next joke because I have always had this fetish for mini skirts. It's one of my weaknesses I must admit, yeah.
Anyways; this is hilarious...
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!
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This is sooo damn funny, I can't stop laughing, but hey I'm easily amused.
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One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."
Next;
...This one is so not good, but funny as hell...
There were three ducks swimming in a pond one night after midnight and got arrested for trespassing. They were called to appear in court the next day so the judge called up duck #1 and asked what were you doing in a pond swimming after midnight the duck said "blowing bubbles"
So then the judge called up duck #2 and asked the same question and the duck said "blowing bubbles". Then the judge called up duck #3 and said let me guess you were blowing bubbles to and the duck said "No I am BUBBLES
Next;
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled.
So I told her to fuck off.
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A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order.". . .and to drink?" she asked. The man said he would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table. "Oh my God; I am so sorry!" "That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin - "but tell me, is this regular or decaf?" "Regular. . . ," she replied. "Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!"
Next;
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'dick.' Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
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THIS IS HILARIOUS, I'M JUST HAVING WAY TO MUCH FUN
A 14yr old boy ran into his house yelling "mom mom come quick, I have great news!" The mother asked "what is it, what's so exciting!" "I had sex for the first time today!" replied the boy The mother gasped, raised her hand and slapped the boy across the face. "get up to your room and stay there until your father gets home!!" yelled the mother. An hour later the boys father arrived home, got the update from the mother and went upstairs to talk to the boy. "So I hear you had sex for the first time today" said the father "Your mother is upset, but I think this is something for a father and son to celebrate! What do you say we go and get you that motor-bike you've been asking for?" "wow, answered the boy, "But do you think we can wait until tomorrow, my ass is still killing me!!"
Next;
Mary is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon there after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies. Within a month Mary is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Mary as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Mary and her first husband, or Mary and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs.
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Now this one I just loveeeeeeeee!
Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights. One day, all the other sperms asked him, "Why don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied, with a smirk, "Well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there." The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back. The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "Back up boys, it's a BLOW JOB!"
Next;
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows." He grabs her butt and says, "If this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens." The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."
JUST GOTTA LAUGH
A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to him. "Henry," she said, "you know that mink cape I wanted all my life? Well your company sold for so much that now I have bought myself a beautiful full length mink coat." "And Henry," she said, "you know that trip to the Caribbean I always wanted to take? Well, I took a world cruise for 90 days and it was wonderful!" "And Henry," she continued, "you know that big blue Cadillac I had been hoping for the last 5 years? Well I bought a Rolls Royce instead and it drives like a dream." "Oh, and Henry," she said, "you know that blow job you always wanted?" and she blew the ashes out of her hands into the sea . . .
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A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "Tell all of your sins, my daughter." "Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says. The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it." "Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?" "No," the priest says, "But it'll wipe that smile off your face!"
This is to funny!
Handjob;
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Bad In Bed;
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."
Naked Dinner;
A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."
Blowjobs;
For Money A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you for free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"
Police Officer;
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"
Old Couple;
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."
Bad Father;
There was once a father that does not like to give things to doctors who helped him cure his sickness. One day, his daughter bought a dress for the doctor. The father stripped the dress. Then,the daughter bought a hamster and named it 'nipples'. However,the father squeezed it to death. Finally,the daughter bought some milk but the father finished the milk off. The daughter complained to her mother "Daddy stripped off my dress, squeezed my nipples and drank all my milk!"
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There was a boy named Johnnie who asked his mom if she wanted to play. She said "No Johnnie, why don't you go next door and watch those construction workers build that house." So Johnnie goes outside and watches them. Then he comes in 6 hours later and his mom asks, "Johnnie what did you do?" And he replies, "Well, first we had to put the goddamn door up, but the muthafucker didn't fit, so we had to take the cocksucker back down again, shave a few pussy hairs off, and put the piece of shit back up again."
NEXT;
A man came home from work oneday and told his wife how good his fireman job was when they used a bell system. He explained to her when bell 1 rang they slid down the firemans pole, bell 2 they grab thier jackets and bell 3 they were on the truck ready to go. He also told her he wanted to use the same system so when bell 1 rang she was to go straight to the room, when bell 2 rang she was to strip naked and when bell 3 rang she was to be lying on the bed with her legs in the air ready to go. When he came home the next day he rang the first bell and his wife went straight to the bedroom and then he rang the second so his wife stripped naked and then he rang the last bell and she was instantly lying on the bed with her legs in the air. After a few minutes his wife screams out bell 4, bell 4. A confused husband asks what's bell 4, the wife replies "you need more hose, more hose, you're nowhere near the fire!
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One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Trev says to Greg behind him,"Shiiiiit, my elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Greg replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at the Shell Station repair shop. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Trev deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the Shell Station. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Trev began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Trev hurries back to BP, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3.Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Shell.
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When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?" "Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven." The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit." "OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven." Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. "Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter. "Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."
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A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling. "Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow. "What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman. "Why?" he asked, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replied, "it's nowhere near long enough. It'll never reach!" "No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long. "Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow." "No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?" "Well," he said, "It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night."
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This is hilarious...
A guy goes on to a ship to sail (and work) but he notices no women on board so he runs to the captain Guy: capt. capt.! there's no women on board what will be do for pleasure??? capt.:Ohhh... don't worry me laddie just stick ur dick in that barrel and everything will be alright So after a few weeks at sea the guy sticks his dick in the barrel and gets a wonderful sensation. So he does this every day after that until one day he sticks his dick in the barrel and nothing happens So he runs to the captain and says Guy: capt capt! i stuck my dick in the barrel and nothing happened! Capt.:Ohhh i forgot to tell you laddie its your turn in the barrel!
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One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick. Since no one was around for miles Bob called a hospital and told the doctor"Quick Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis" the doctor told him "Son your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself" Bob asked" Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom." The doctor says "Sorry there's nothing we can do." So Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there Jay says with pain " So what did the doctor say?" Bob says" Doctor said your gonna die"
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18 Daughters
Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters. So the first man went up to they're father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs." the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said " no but you can sleep with the cows." the third man said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "yes." So in the morning the three men and the father had a conversation over breakfast the first man said "I slept like a pig" the second man said "I slept like a cow" the third man said "I felt like a golfer" the father asked why? he said cause I got my balls in 18 holes.
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The 10 Inch BIC
Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter? He replies "Yes I do!" And hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man. "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing." "Okay I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants? The man says, " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says, "Okay" and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head.
And the guy says to the other " Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't he?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
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The Fathers Last Request
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
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I posted this on a journal page about a year ago or less and it's still one of my favorites. Twisted but a favorite nonetheless. Look it up on line and send a copy of it to your phone, playing it forward to those friends that can appreciate the twisted humor behind it. Your friends will thank you...
Ready? Sure you're...
Not every flower can say love but a rose can. Not every plant survives a thirst but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you go little buddy!
Today you should take a moment and send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows, or screw farm animals. You hang in there cupcake, because you're fucking special to me, and you're my friend.
Look at you smiling at your phone you crayon eating mother fucker.
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Hey I'll be back in 5 minutes but if I'm not, just read this message again.
A WOMAN'S MIND IS CLEANER THAN A MAN'S, SHE CHANGES IT MORE OFTEN.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets sooo boring, so I go back to being myself.
Well of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Dear Karma,
I have a list of people you missed. I'm envisioning a tidal wave rippling effect wiping out an entire town.
I meant to behave, but there were just to many other damn options.
This is to funny:
A jealous woman does more research than the FBI.
YOU NEVER REALIZE JUST HOW BORING LIFE IS UNTIL SOMEONE ASKS YOU WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO FOR FUN. JUST DON'T ASK ME THAT QUESTION, IT WOULD BE LIKE SETTING LOOSE AN ACTIVE VOLCANO.
DURING THE DAY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS AT NIGHT I'M A LITTLE MORE OPEN MINDED.
BE FOREWARNED I'M BORED. THIS COULD GET DANGEROUS.
I JUST GOTTA LOVVVE THIS ONE!!!
I CHANGED MY PASSWORD TO 'INCORRECT' SO THAT WHEN I FORGET IT, THE COMPUTER REMINDS ME THAT MY PASSWORD IS INCORRECT! BRILLIANT I SAY, 'BRILLIANT.'
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Just gotta love these jokes;
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. Its bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
This is bad but sooo damn funny:
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
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I haven't executed an entry like this in a while. Therefore, I thought I would write a journal entry today that's reflective in reference to myself as a person. I feel it's important in life to be willing to share yourself verbally with others, in person along with taking the opportunity to share yourself on line as well. Which has a unique value all of it's own and has the possibility of being a source of inspiration to others.
I've never been one to keep a personal journal in life. That to me would be a challenging task, within itself. Being accountable daily to a pen and paper. Well, I much rather take mental notes of that specific day, shuffling it into long term memory. Instead, I have an innate preference to save that crisp white piece of paper that would be starring back at me helplessly, all the while, remaining blank with false anticipation that ultimately would go unfulfilled.
Though, through the years I've been fortunate in that having come a crossed a few fine writers on line. In which, I've had the opportunity to exchange a dialogue with them and I must say, "There are those very few who clearly should be writing for a living with their refined talent," in which I admire from a distance.
I myself love to express myself verbally, whether it be in person or in type. Which I feel lends a meditative quality to it as I continue to explore the study of writing and self expression. We very much are always a student in any given subject matter, as the opportunity perches itself right in front of us offering knowledge, a life long process that is to be treasured and appreciated.
I find it interesting for myself that I can't seem to write a single thing of value. Unless, I'm writing directly from the heart with a genuine desire following my actions, which, is a key element for myself. When we apply ourselves by speaking from the heart, we ultimately open ourselves up in order to embrace the wonder and appreciation of the English language. All the while, molding our words as they begin to take shape, being backed with an indubitable and genuine motivation.
When we take an opportunity to share ourselves with others, we also open ourselves up to criticism. Though, constructive criticism isn't meant to be a negative experience. It allows us to pause, taking a brief moment to view ourselves not only internally as we are embraced with a reminder and an opportunity to experience growth by embracing the experiences that cross our paths. It's much like a helping hand that aids one to become the best we can be today, reaching for new heights tomorrow and into the upcoming future.
I myself, periodically receive criticism here on this site in reference to my journal entries; when I take the notion to speak out and design a journal page. I take that as an opportunity to view it in a positive light by acknowledging that constructive criticism helps one to refine and grow within our very skills as a person, all the while adding layers of depth to our experience. Isn't that what we all want? To expand our experiences and hone our skills. In that we have an insatiable appetite and/or desire as human beings to reach the heights of explorations we not only crave but need in order to gain a sense of completion; that can be viewed in a multitude of ways, even within D/s relationships.
Anyways;
People in general area afraid to put themselves out there for that very reason, understandably. My point with this journal entry is that if your unwilling to put yourself out there in some way, then your also incapable of watering the foliage of growth that has been stunted as a result.
Life in itself is an opportunity each and every day as the day beings to unfold in front of you. Much like a rose bud as you watch the petals begin to unfold resembling an eagerness to experience something new; a willingness to explore the day with an insatiable appetite of new wonder. That's in itself is what it means to live life to it's fullest, reaching out for the potential that lies within you.
That potential could be nothing more than to submit and surrender. Always Remember, everything you accomplish in life has purpose and value; as it promises a rich lavish growth that results only from being watered daily and requires a daily commitment for expansion.
Believe in yourself is the message I want to send out playing it forward. No matter what it's that you want to achieve, it's attainable. If only the desire is of a genuine orientation growth will surely follow.
As always, be well and stay safe...
Enurdreamz :)
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TIME IS PRECIOUS, WASTE IT WISELY
A MAN CAME TO MY DOOR AND ASKED IF I COULD DONATE TO A LOCAL SWIMMING POOL AND I CAME BACK WITH A GLASS OF WATER.
SARCASM THE ABILITY TO INSULT IDIOTS WITHOUT THEM REALIZING IT.
(I'VE ALTERED THE ORIGINAL JOKE TO SUIT MY TASTE IN HUMOR)
DEAR PIMPLES, "IF YOUR GOING TO LIVE ON MY FACE I NEED TO START SEEING SOME RENT, AFTER ALL, PRIME REAL ESTATE IS PRIME REAL ESTATE AND I'M JACKING UP THE RENT NEXT MONTH...
You! Yes, you...
The one reading this. You're beautiful, talented, amazing and simply the best at being you. NEVER FORGET THAT...
SORRY I CAN'T TODAY!
MY SISTER'S FRIEND'S MOTHER'S GRANDPA'S BROTHER'S GRANDSON'S UNCLE'S FISH DIED, AND YES IT WAS TRAGIC!
(THIS POST HAS BEEN ALTERED BY ME TO SUIT MY PREFERENCE IN HUMOR)
THIS IS A HOLD UP! NOBODY MOVE...I JUST LOST MY DAMN MIND.
THIS IS TOTAL SARCASM HUMOR:
OF COURSE WOMEN DON'T WORK AS HARD AS MEN...
THEY GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME...
DON'T LIKE ME? COOL. I DON'T WAKE UP EVERY MORNING TO IMPRESS YOU.
Hello, I am your WALLPAPER (and i love you)
jUST sITTING hERE oN tHE cORNER oF aWESOME aND bOOMDIGGITY....
WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN NEVER MAKE HISTORY.
I WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU LOOK DOWN AT YOUR PHONE AND SMILE. THEN WALK INTO A POLE.
YOU KNOW THAT TINGLY LITTLE FEELING YOU GET WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEBODY? THAT'S COMMON SENSE LEAVING YOUR BODY AND IT'S OKAY WERE ALL DOOMED.
IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK. BUILD A DOOR.
IF YOU CAN'T CONVINCE THEM, CONFUSE THEM.
FRIENDS HIDE A SMILE AND HELP YOU UP WHEN YOU FALL, BUT BEST FRIENDS LAUGH SO HARD THAT THEY FALL WITH YOU.
RELIGION IS LIKE INTERNET EXPLORER. YOU EITHER USE IT BECAUSE:
1. YOUR NOT SMART ENOUGH TO CHANGE IT.
2. YOUR AFRAID TO DOWNLOAD ANYTHING NEW.
3. IT WAS THERE WHEN YOU STARTED.
JUST REMEMBER IF WE GET CAUGHT, YOU'RE DEAF AND I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return Monday's.
I am unsupervised...for those that know me well, you would know that this could lead to all kinds of TROUBLE.
EVERY DAY, THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT PLANTS ARE KILLED BY VEGETARIANS. HELP END THE VIOLENCE.
(I'VE POSTED THIS BEFORE BUT IT'S FUNNY AND I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF)
NEVER GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU SEE YOUR EX WITH SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE OUR PARENTS TAUGHT US TO GIVE OUR TOYS TO THE LESS FORTUNATE.
I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BED. WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, BUT MY ALARM CLOCK DOESN'T WANT US TOGETHER. THAT JEALOUS WHORE.
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After Tuesday even the calendar goes WTF.
I'TS OKAY TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART IF YOU INSIST, BUT DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR BRAIN WITH YOU.
HEY I'LL BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES, BUT IF I'M NOT, JUST READ THIS MESSAGE AGAIN.
During the day, I don't believe in ghosts. At night, i'm a little more open-minded.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times just to be sure.
THIS IS JUST TOO FUNNY:
SLEEPING IS MY DRUG, MY BED IS MY DEALER, AND MY ALARM CLOCK IS THE POLICE.
CINDERELLA IS PROOF THAT A NEW PAIR OF SHOES CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
THIS IS REALLY FUNNY, I COULDN'T RESIST:
"Give it to me" she yelled, "I'm so fucking wet give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.
Dear Alcohol,
We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer...
I saw the video, we need to talk.
People say you can't live without love. Personally, I say oxygen is more important.
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DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT MIGHT GO WRONG, THINK ABOUT WHAT COULD GO RIGHT.
I'VE POSTED THIS BEFORE, THOUGH, IT'S SO TRUE AND WORTHY OF REPEATING. "YOU'VE GOT 86,400 SECONDS TODAY. HAVE YOU USED ONE TO SMILE YET?
IN THE END WE ONLY REGRET THE CHANCES WE DIDN'T TAKE.
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT... NOT ME... I BELIEVE GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE THAT GO OUT AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Train your mind to see the positives in every situation.
SO OFTEN WE BECOME FOCUSED ON THE FINISH LINE THAT WE FAIL TO ENJOY THE JOURNEY. ~DIETER F. UCHTDORF~
LIFE IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND THEN THERE'S A CHOICE TO MAKE. WE CAN TURN AND RUN OR WE CAN DISCIPLINE OUR MINDS TO FOCUS ON WHAT THE SITUATION REQUIRES. ~MATTHEW L. JACOBSON~
FORGET ALL THE REASONS WHY IT WON'T WORK AND BELIEVE THE ONE REASON WHY IT WILL.
I WILL GO ANYWHERE AS LONG AS IT'S FORWARD. ~DAVID LIVINGSTON~
HAPPINESS CAN BE FOUND EVEN IN THE DARKEST OF TIMES, IF ONLY ONE REMEMBERS TO TURN ON THE LIGHT.
ALWAYS REMEMBER:
NOBODY MAKES YOU ANGRY, YOU DECIDE TO USE ANGER AS A RESPONSE.
YOU DON'T ALWAYS NEED A PLAN. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO BREATHE, TRUST, LET GO, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. ~MANDY HALE~
LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS TO US AND 90% HOW WE REACT TO IT.
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MY HEART SAY'S CHOCOLATE AND WINE, BUT MY JEANS SAY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, EAT A SALAD.
CHOCOLATE DOESN'T ASK SILLY QUESTIONS, CHOCOLATE UNDERSTANDS.
A LITTLE SARCASM HUMOR...
THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A SUSPECT DESCRIBED AS SEXY, FUNNY AND GREAT IN BED. YOUR UGLY ASS IS SAFE, BUT WHERE DO I HIDE?
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Have you ever noticed that a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are exactly the same?
A LITTLE ON LINE HUMOR BELOW:
OH so you wanna argue? BRING IT ON. I got my CAP LOCK ON.
Life is all about Ass. Your're either married to an ASS. DIVORCED FROM AN ASS OR trying to forget an ASS. You're either working your ASS off, sweating your ASS off, laughing your ASS off, kicking ASS, kissing ASS, spanking ASS, hauling ASS, wiping ASS, busting ASS, trying to get a piece of ASS, Or you're an ASS.
I HEAR THE BRAIN IS AN OUTSTANDING ORGAN, IT WORKS 24 HOURS A DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR FROM BIRTH UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE. THEN IT'S STUPID MEET STUPID.
I'M NOT CRAZY, MY REALITY IS JUST DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.
AGE DOESN'T ALWAYS COME WITH WISDOM, SOMETIMES IT COMES ALONE.
"BEING UNIQUE IS BETTER THAN BEING PERFECT."
THIS IS SARCASTICALLY FUNNY:
I HATE HOW CHOCOLATES IMMEDIATELY MELT ON MY FINGERS. I mean, am I THAT HOT?
I HAVE BEEN PUTTING A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT AND I JUST DON'T THINK BEING AN ADULT IS GOING TO WORK FOR ME.
IF ASSHOLES COULD FLY THIS PLACE WOULD BE AN AIRPORT.
WHY OH WHY ARE THERE NO FAT STICK MEN?
LIFE WAS SO MUCH SIMPLER WHEN APPLE AND BLACKBERRY WERE JUST FRUITS.
I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, I JUST HAVE A PERSONALITY YOU CAN'T HANDLE!
IT'S HARD TO FIND A FRIEND WHO IS: 95% TALENTED, 96% FUNNY, 98 PERCENT LOVING, 99% INTELLIGENT AND 100% SWEET. SO DON'T U DARE LOSE ME!!
I AM THE KIND OF GIRL WHO WILL BURST OUT LAUGHING IN DEAD SILENCE AT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.
I WAS NORMAL UNTIL I MET A BUNCH OF LOSERS. THESE DAYS I CALL THOSE LOSERS MY BEST FRIENDS.
I'M NOT CRAZY, I'M JUST SPECIAL!! ...NO WAIT... MAYBE I AM CRAZY. ONE SECOND... I HAVE TO TALK TO MYSELF ABOUT THIS, HOLD ON...
SHOPPING IS BETTER THAN SEX. AT LEAST IF YOU'RE NOT SATISFIED, YOU CAN EXCHANGE IT FOR SOMETHING YOU REALLY LIKE.
SHHHH! I'M HIDING FROM STUPID PEOPLE...
Be well and always stay safe.
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A member here on Collar Space sent me this joke thinking I would enjoy it. Guess what? He was right, I found it to be absolutely hilarious...
I enjoyed it so much that I asked him if he would mind if I posted it on my journal. This way other's who frequent my journal, could enjoy it as well. He was kind enough to agree, so my many thanks goes out to him. This joke isn't just worthy of sharing, it's down right funny...so please enjoy!
Ring-g-g-g-g-
"Hello?" "Hi honey, this is daddy, is your Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now!"
"Uh, okay, then, here's what I want you to do. Put the phone down, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy."
A few minutes later,. the little girl comes back to the phone. Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" He asked.
"Well, Mommy screamed 'Sweet Jesus Frank, get off me', and ran around screaming down the hall with no clothes on, then she tripped over the rug and went flying down the stairs and now she's just layin there."
"Oh my God! ! ! - And what about your Uncle Frank?"
"He yelled 'Ugh", ran out of the bedroom with no clothes too, and jumped out of the window into the swimming pool...but he must have forgot that you drained it last week, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's just layin there too!....long pause...
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool????? Is this Jessica???"
"No silly daddy, I'm Nikki, you know that."
Be well and always stay safe.
enurdreamz
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10 Fun Facts
1. You can't wash your eyes out with soap.
2.You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4.You just tried number 3.
6. When you did number 3 you realized it's possible. Only you look like a dog.
7.You're smiling right now because you were fooled.
8. You skipped number 5.
9.You just checked to see if there is a number 5.
10. Share this with your friends for some more fun.
A boyfriend told his girlfriend, "I need to tell you a secret that I've been keeping from you and get it off my chest." He then continues saying, "I've been seeing a psychiatrist." The girlfriend says, "I need to tell you a secret I've been keeping too and continues to say, "I've been seeing a psychiatrists too, a plumber and a mechanic."
A southern state trooper was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother." In the blank he wrote, "Call for back up..."
A long time ago people who sacrificed their sleep, family, food, laughter and other joys of life were called
SAINTS
But now they are called
IT PROFESSIONALS |
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Visual: There's this huge woman jogging on the beach in a yellow body swimsuit.
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him, and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They're both quite startled. The man turns to her and say's, "Ma'am if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me. She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436.
A boss is like a diaper, always on your ass and usually full of shit!
If you ever get a cold just stand in the corner for a bit, there usually around 90 degrees.
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This is funny and I've played and beat all the zelda games, so I just had to post it:
She was perfect...Beautiful, smart and laughed at my funny jokes and was completely head over heels for me and I her. Then she said she thought Zelda was stupid. Now I'm single and ready to mingle.
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick bastard.
Next:
3:00 AM phone call, "Hey are you asleep?" ...No, I'm sky diving...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition of Stupid:
Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies.
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Always think positive:
The beauty in life is that sometimes things have to fall apart in order for other opportunities to fall into place. If you view life along this line you can see beauty in all things positive or negative, being thankful for the experience.
All experiences are truly remarkable if you think about it. It helps each of us to grow as a person by and through embracing new idea's and concepts. It also allows us to genuinely appreciate all things and those that cross our paths for a moment or for a time.
All the while, helping us grow into a person with a few added layers of experience stepping forward embracing the future. The unknown is forever endless, that is the beauty of what we call life.
Be well and always stay safe.
enurdreamz
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Woke up this morning to a lovely Oregon day as the droplets of rain spattered on the ground reminding me that winter isn't far away. I feel like I no more switched from warmer clothing to mini skirts for the summer's attire and just up ahead it will be time to transition once again. There's just nothing like the northwest in fall, winter, spring and summer, I truly appreciate all seasons. There's just something about rain that is so relaxing and peaceful.
I am, however, looking forward to the next month of decent weather and finishing off this summer in style before moving steadily into the next season.
Remember to appreciate every moment of every day and do so gracefully by being kind to yourself.
Be well and stay safe.
enurdreamz
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde who waves at him and say's hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from, so he asks "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids."
Now he thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful to his wife and say's "Oh my god are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped me with wet celery and then stuck a carrot in my butt? She replies "No," I'm your son's math teacher. |
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A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name he replied. Is it a family name? "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen." "What's your name she asked," he answered BJ Titsengolf.
Did you hear about the guys that stole a calendar? They both got six months.
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. Its just something I can really see myself doing.
YOU EVER SEE OLD PEOPLE AT WEDDINGS POKE AT KIDS AND PINCH THEIR CHEEKS? THEN SAY YOUR NEXT. WELL, ONE DAY AT A FUNERAL A KID GOT SMART AND STARTED POKING AT THE OLD PEOPLE AND PINCHING THEIR CHEEKS IN RETURN, SAYING, "YOUR NEXT."
IF YOU DON'T DO WILD THINGS WHILE YOU CAN, YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING TO SMILE ABOUT WHEN YOUR OLD.
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. ~Mark Twain~ |
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I just wanted to test out my enthusiasm for the beginning of September just to see how it felt, and guess what? I like it!
Why do I love September? The simple fact that seasons are getting ready to change here soon. There's nothing better than a roaring wood fire burning in the background emitting a core body heat that is unlike artificial heat, no other type of heat can achieve the same effect or set the same mood within a home. It truly makes a house a home.
All you have to do is pick a hot beverage of choice, grab a soft blanket and enjoy some down time from our previous busy summer months. This time of year reminds me of the simple pleasures in life, as well as, a great appreciation for living in the North West.
Simplicity is what I value most in life, during the winter months we are continuously reminded of that very fact.
Be well and always stay safe.
enurdreamz :) |
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Quotes:
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, PERHAPS YOU FORGOT YOU ARE ONE.
Don't let negativity & toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out!
Your best teacher is your last mistake.
Being defeated is a temporary condition...Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Do not let others destroy your inner peace.
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
A second chance means nothing if you haven't learned from your first mistake.
Knowledge comes from learning, wisdom comes from living.
Learn to love without condition. Talk without bad intention. Give without any reason. And most of all care for people without any expectation.
AROUND HERE WE DON'T LOOK BACKWARDS FOR VERY LONG...WE KEEP MOVING FORWARD, OPENING UP NEW DOORS AND DOING NEW THINGS BECAUSE WE ARE CURIOUS...AND CURIOSITY KEEPS LEADING US DOWN NEW PATHS.
Remember you can't reach what's in front of you before you let go of what's behind you.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU LOOK AT THAT MATTERS, IT'S WHAT YOU SEE.
IF YOU CAN'T DREAM IT, YOU CAN'T ACHIEVE IT.
When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.
THE ONLY TRUE WISDOM IS KNOWING YOU KNOW NOTHING.
THE REASON PEOPLE FIND IT SO HARD TO BE HAPPY IS BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS SEE THE PAST BETTER THAN IT WAS, AND THE PRESENT WORSE THAN IT IS.
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: Saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?
There's always some truth behind just kidding, knowledge behind I don't know, emotion behind I don't care, and pain behind It's okay, so pay close attention to how people feel.
ALWAYS REMEMBER:
SOMETIMES WHEN THINGS ARE FALLING APART, THEY MAY ACTUALLY BE FALLING INTO PLACE.
Always remain "POSITIVE."
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Change is inevitable like the seasons... I suggest you embrace it. Author unknown...
I personally live my life with no regrets. There's always something to learn in every experience. When that's lacking, I find there's something far more important to teach our fellow travelers as well. In which, can aid them positively when promoted with thought and fore-care.
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A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!" |
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The Penis Study. The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and three years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After two weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and two cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
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One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when Bubba who he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."
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On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong." She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
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A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks. "No," the guy says, "she's not that ugly."
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ONE MOMENT
One moment, one second, one hour, one day. Time stepping forward presenting the day...
One moment, one second, one hour, one day. A moment is captured and then runs away...
One moment, one second, one hour, one day. One by one they all trickle away...
One moment, one second, one hour, one day. Time transfers over into the next day...
enurdreamz
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Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."
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This was sent to me by a friend and I just had to share, I so love humor! It's meant to be shared on your phone with friends, just play it forward and enjoy.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives a thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you go, little buddy!
Today you should take a moment and send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows, or screw farm animals.
You hang in there cupcake because your fucking special to me, and your my friend. Look at you smiling at this page and/or phone you crayon eating mother fucker.
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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
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7/16/15
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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7/13/15
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins, so I'm still picking it up and he is still having sex with me!" |
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7/12/15
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
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7/11/15
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
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7/10/15
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
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7/9/15
Men only have two emotions: Hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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7/8/15
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old to yell, "BINGO."
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7/7/15
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor." "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
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7/7/15
An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."
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7/6/15
10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10.You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
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7/5/15
A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
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7/4/15
An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
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7/3/15
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?" |
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7/2/15
When opportunity knocks, some people are in the backyard looking for four-leaf clovers.
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7/1/15
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
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6/30/15
When you go into court you're putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you still from many, it's research.
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6/28/15
YOU KNOW YOUR GETTING OLD WHEN YOU STOOP TO TIE YOUR SHOE LACES AND WONDER WHAT ELSE YOU CAN DO WHILE YOUR DOWN THERE.
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On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time and asked his dad, "Why doesn't the stork recognize me?"
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Journal Entry:
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
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Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had been overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very close to a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and says, "These girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, "From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you!"
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A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"
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6-24-15
I can't help myself, this is just too damn funny!
During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"
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A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"
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An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"
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One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
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There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times." |
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it." |
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A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year," and fines her $5. The girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The policeman chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "next year, tell Santa the ass goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it."
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A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
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6/19/15
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway." |
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
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An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!" |
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There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
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6/15/15
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."
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6/14/15
A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."
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6/13/15
A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."
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6/12/15
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?” God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!” |
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6/11/15
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine. |
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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!" |
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."
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A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!" Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, "SPIT!" This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed. Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, "Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?" and the cowboy replies, "Hell ya I know what it means, 'Thank God It's Friday!'" The bartender asks the Mexican guy, "Okay, so what does 'SPIT' mean?" and the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo It's Thursday!"
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After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem." Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”
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6/7/15
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
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A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" |
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” |
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It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Year's Eve.
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6/1/15
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34. |
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A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
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JOKES:
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls to the ground laughing because on the screen it says;
"Error. Not long enough."
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
NEXT:
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
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5/28/15
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"
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In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inion on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inion to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
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5/26/15
I’m about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill. |
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5/25/15
Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." |
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5/24/15
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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5/23/15
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!" |
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5/22/15
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
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The alpha female submissive:
I thought with this journal entry, I would offer a little more insight to my nature as a sub/submissive. This way for those of you who might like to know a little bit more about me as a submissive, can utilize this information through having one more comparison. It's always nice to be able to contemplate the different type of subs that exist, so that you can discover what type of sub you might be yourself.
I will offer a generic definition. Then move into my own perspective on this subject matter. I will share what it means to me personally and how it may differ from the example below. Remember we each have our own opinions, and there is no right or wrong understanding, it boils down to what is right for you, hence, my purpose for sharing.
What does alpha female submissive mean exactly?
The submissive alpha female is a woman who is strong, confident, bold, and assertive in her life and her dealings with people in general - but who wants a dominant man in her life because she finds it sexually exciting to be dominated by a strong, powerful man. She might or might not be in a position of authority at work; but she has a personality and a level of competence such that she could be in such a position and command respect. (?)
I am a solid sub, however, I am also an alpha female submissive. I do have hands on experience in dominating. However, that doesn't mean that I am a switch, I am clearly not a switch.
That whole paragraph above probably sounds confusing doesn't it? I know, I typed it. Now if we look at the bold definition of what an alpha female submissive is above, I can tell you clearly that I do fit category's within that definition.
I will break it down into three categories:
1. The submissive alpha female is a woman who is strong, confident, bold, and assertive in her life and her dealings with people in general.
This is me in a nut shell, along with a type "A," personality:
2. but who wants a dominant man in her life because she finds it sexually exciting to be dominated by a strong, powerful man.
This isn't me at all:
3. she might or might not be in a position of authority at work; but she has a personality and a level of competence such that she could be in such a position and command respect. (?)
This is an area where I excel, having no problem taking charge and getting any job done efficiently, should I see it's in order.
You must be wondering what makes me an alpha female submissive, if I in fact, do not fit all these above categories?
1. Type "A," Personality.
2. I am Domme to any bi-sexual female sub that joins MFF.
3. My desire to dominate a fem/sub falls within a Dom/Master's interests.
There is a huge difference between an alpha female submissive and a Switch. A Switch enjoys both roles within their own desires.
Does that mean I am not capable of dominating? Absolutely not, I am quite capable of dominating and do it well, however, the main difference is that my true core needs are as a submissive, not as a Domme. I do not house a need for the mixture of the two roles, therefore, I am not a switch.
Yes, a type "A" personality is one of the harder personality traits to dominate. This is one of many main reasons why I do not submit to a lenient Dom/Master, it's simply not a good fit for my strong personality.
A type "A" personality submits just like any other sub with varying personality traits. Many Dom/Masters see that trait, then target it. Finding it more challenging and satisfying within the process of taking down a stronger willed submissive as being gratifying.
I will say, "I am capable of submitting on a deeper level than most," in that submission lives in my soul. It has always been present in my life, a core need, that must be met, it's not an option.
In summarizing this journal entry, an alpha female submissive can fit many categories, as well as, defined above in bold print. However, for myself it's a desire to please a Dom/Master I am under if applicable for a Mff bi-sexual D/s session and/or possible sessions.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it's not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Be well and always stay safe.
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DATING SHOULD BE LIKE BUYING A CAR...YOU SHOULD GET TO TALK TO THE PREVIOUS OWNERS! SHOW ME MAN-FAX.
SARCASM, JUST ONE OF THE MANY SERVICES I OFFER!
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. BUT SOMETIMES THE REASON IS THAT YOU'RE STUPID AND YOU MAKE BAD DECISIONS. |
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HEY, I WON'T BE IN TODAY...I HAVE ANAL GLAUCOMA...I CAN'T SEE MY ASS COMING IN TODAY.
I'M NOT LAZY. I'M JUST ON MY ENERGY SAVING MODE.
I MEANT TO BEHAVE, BUT THERE WERE TOO MANY OTHER OPTIONS. |
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HUMOR FOR THE DAY:
ON THE INTERNET YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT. IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE STUPID.
EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINION. IT'S JUST THAT YOURS IS STUPID.
NEVER GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU SEE YOUR EX WITH SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE OUR PARENTS TAUGHT US TO GIVE OUR USED TOYS TO THE LESS FORTUNATE.
VISUAL AID:
MALE AND FEMALE ARE NAKED, MALE IS STANDING ON TOP OF THE FEMALE'S HEAD BALANCING, SAYING, "OKAY WE TOOK OFF OUR CLOTHES, I GOT ON TOP OF YOU, HOW LONG BEFORE IT STARTS FEELING GOOD?" FEMALE SAYS, "I DON'T KNOW I'VE GOT A HEADACHE ALREADY."
THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A SUSPECT DESCRIBED AS SEXY, FUNNY & GREAT IN BED. YOUR UGLY ASS IS SAFE, BUT WHERE SHOULD I HIDE?
I MEANT TO BEHAVE, BUT THERE WERE TOO MANY OTHER OPTIONS.
I ONLY NEED A SIX MONTH VACATION TWICE A YEAR.
I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, I JUST HAVE A PERSONALITY YOU CAN'T HANDLE.
POLITENESS HAS BECOME SO RARE THAT SOME PEOPLE MISTAKE IT FOR FLIRTATION.
BE THE KIND OF WOMAN THAT WHEN YOUR FEET HIT THE FLOOR EACH MORNING, THE DEVIL SAYS, "OH CRAP, SHE'S UP!"
DEAR PARENTS,
JASMINE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A DIRTY HOMELESS BOY NAMED ALADDIN, SNOW WHITE LIVED ALONE WITH 7 MEN. PINOCCHIO WAS A LIAR. ROBIN HOOD WAS A THIEF. TARZAN WALKED AROUND WITHOUT CLOTHES ON. A STRANGER KISSED SLEEPING BEAUTY AND SHE MARRIED HIM. CINDERELLA LIED AND SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT TO ATTEND A PARTY.
YOU CAN'T BLAME US, WE WERE TAUGHT TO REBEL FROM A YOUNG AGE.
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5/17/15
I love off the wall sideways humor, this fits that very category, enjoy.
Life's journey isn't to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved pickled body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, "Holy shit...What a ride."
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5/16/18
ENJOY A LITTLE HUMOR EVERYDAY:
TO SUCCEED IN LIFE YOU NEED THREE THINGS, A WISHBONE, A BACKBONE AND A FUNNY BONE. ~Reba McEntire~
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
IF RUNNING ON A TREADMILL WAS THE ONLY WAY TO CHARGE OUR PHONES, WE WOULD BE THE HEALTHIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
I'M GREAT IN BED, I CAN SLEEP FOR DAYS.
Life always offer you a second chance, its called tomorrow.
When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and let the world wonder as to how you did it.
SOMETIMES I PRETEND TO BE NORMAL, BUT IT GETS BORING, SO I GO BACK TO BEING ME.
Don't like me? Cool, I don't wake up everyday to impress you!
LIFE IS SO MUCH FUNNIER WHEN YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND, ASK ME I KNOW.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF, IT'S ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF.
ALL MY LIFE I THOUGHT AIR WAS FREE, UNTIL I OPENED A BAG OF CHIPS.
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5/15/15
I planned on writing a poem for this journal page for others to enjoy or use as a blank canvas, in which, you can mold it to yourself within the D/s lifestyle. As you can clearly see it got put on the back burner.
enurdreamz |
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A GOOD LAUGH:
I WANT TO MAKE MY NAME ON FACEBOOK "NOBODY" SO WHEN I SEE SOMEONE POST SOMETHING STUPID I CAN LIKE IT, AND IT WILL SAY "NOBODY LIKES THIS."
I WANT TO MAKE MY NAME
ON FACEBOOK
"NOBODY"
SO WHEN I SEE SOMEONE
POST SOMETHING
STUPID
SO I CAN LIKE IT
&
IT WILL SAY
"NOBODY LIKES THIS."
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READ THE JOURNAL PAGE BELOW THIS ONE, IT'LL MAKE YOUR DAY!
HUMOROUS QUOTES:
"IF QUITTERS NEVER WIN, AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT, THEN WHO IS THE FOOL THAT SAID: QUIT WHILE YOUR AHEAD?"
"COMMON SENSE IS LIKE DEODORANT, THE PEOPLE THAT NEED IT MOST NEVER USE IT."
"NOTE TO HUSBAND - YOUR DINNERS IN THE RECIPE BOOK PAGE 32. THE INGREDIENTS ARE AT THE STORE."
"I'M NOT CLUMSY, IT'S JUST THE FLOOR HATES ME, THE TABLE AND CHAIRS ARE BULLIES, AND THE WALLS GET IN THE WAY."
"IF YOU'RE AGITATED AND CONFUSED, MY JOB IS DONE."
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I JUST COULDN'T RESIST: ...........................................................................................
I SHOULD REALLY
FACE
UP TO THE FACT THAT YOU NEVER LET ME
DOWN
EVEN WHEN I AM A COMPLETE
ASS
AND YOU NEVER GIVE
UP
ON ME
.......................................................
BUT DON'T THINK
THAT'S
ALL I WANT TO SAY BY
THE WAY
SOMETHING WHICH YOU KNOW
I LIKE TO
TELL YOU A LOT, THAT I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T GIVE A
FUCK
WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!
............................................................................................
FACE DOWN, ASS UP, THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE TO FUCK
............................................................................................
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I have a feeling that my newly refined journal skills as of late, indeed are efficient, effective, good for the soul and consolidated.
Efficient in that it takes so little time...
Effective in everyone needs a boost on being more positive...
Good for the soul, in that a good laugh always does its job well...
Consolidated, in that it fills up the page quickly...
Most importantly, I am never behind. I think that might be what they called cheating back in college, though, whose counting. If you have any great idea's please feel free to share. Otherwise, if I were to get bored, well lets just say, "Me and boredom don't mix well."
Then I might have to add a clause to the beginning of each journal page saying, "Enter at your own risk," be careful of the explosions that may exist hidden within the texts, for it can taint even the wicked.
That's it for the humor today folks, be well and always stay safe.
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Just gotta love the first one below:
I've heard you're a player. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach...
Quotes:
It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are...
TRUST is like a piece of paper, once its crumpled. It will never be the same again...
Life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you want, but you only get to spend it once...
I put my own twist on the quote below:
PAST = waste paper, PRESENT = news paper, FUTURE = freshly pressed paper. Remember to always read and write carefully, so that life doesn't turn into tissue paper...
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ONE SMALL POSITIVE THOUGHT IN THE MORNING, CAN CHANGE YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.
ONE SMALL
POSITIVE THOUGHT
IN THE MORNING
CAN
CHANGE YOUR WHORE ENTIRE DAY
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DON'T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE, YOU MAY LOOSE SOMETHING GOOD, BUT, YOU MAY GAIN SOMETHING BETTER.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE
YOU MAY LOOSE SOMETHING GOOD
BUT YOU MAY
GAIN SOMETHING BETTER
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IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING CHANGE IT; IF YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT, CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING
CHANGE IT;
IF YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT,
CHANGE
THE WAY
YOU THINK ABOUT IT!
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Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strengths.
WORRYING DOES NOT
EMPTY
TOMORROW
OF ITS
TROUBLES
IT EMPTIES
TODAY
OF ITS
STRENGTHS
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Positive Quotes:
You're confined only by the WALLS you build around yourself. There's no ELEVATOR to SUCCESS, you have to take the STAIRS. If everybody LIKES what your DOING, your doing it all WRONG. WHAT DEFINES US IS HOW WELL WE RISE AFTER FALLING. Take Responsibility for the Energy YOU Project to Others. People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Change your Thoughts and you can change your World. Work for a CAUSE, not applause, live life to EXPRESS, not impress. A bad ATTITUDE is like a FLAT TIRE, you can't go anywhere until you CHANGE it.
You ARE confined only by the WALLS you build around YOURSELF.
There's no ELEVATOR to SUCCESS, YOU have to take the STAIRS.
IF everybody LIKES what your DOING, your doing it all WRONG.
WHAT DEFINES US IS HOW WELL WE RISE AFTER FALLING.
Take Responsibility for the Energy YOU Project to Others.
PeOpLe who are CrAzY enough to ThInK they can ChAnGe the WoRlD, are the OnEs who Do.
Change your thoughts and you can change your WORLD.
Work for a CAUSE, not for APPLAUSE. Live life to EXPRESS, not to IMPRESS.
A bad ATTITUDE is like a FLAT TIRE, you can't go ANYWHERE until YOU change it.
Think positive and always be well and safe.
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Failure is only the opportunity to begin again only this time more wisely.
FAILURE
IS ONLY THE
OPPORTUNITY
TO
BEGIN AGAIN
ONLY THIS TIME MORE
WISELY
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It's easy to forget what an amazing gift life really is, our lives are nothing but a cosmic blink even our seemingly all-encompassing world is just a tiny blue dot circling an average sized star spiraling around a galaxy of 200-400 billion stars.
Which itself is just one galaxy among billions more, yet, for one brief moment we get to experience the wonders of existence of consciousness.
It's easy to forget what an amazing gift life really is
Our lives are nothing but a cosmic blink
Even our seemingly all-encompassing world
Is just a tiny blue dot
Circling an average sized star
Spiraling around a galaxy of 200-400 billion stars
Which itself is just one galaxy among billions more
Yet
For one brief moment we get to experience
The wonders of existence of
Consciousness
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You've got 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to smile?
YOU'VE GOT
86,400
SECONDS TODAY.
HAVE YOU
USED
ONE TO SMILE? |
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Everyone lights up a room, some come and some go. Which one are you?
EVERYONE
LIGHTS UP A ROOM
SOME COME
AND
SOME GO
WHICH
ONE
ARE YOU?
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Nothing is impossible! The word itself say's, "I'M POSSIBLE!"
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!
THE
WORD
ITSELF
SAYS,
"I'M POSSIBLE!"
It boils down to seeing a glass half full instead of half empty and/or to view a box as doorways, instead of a dead end! The only thing that truly limits you in life is your imagination and/or mind within the perceptions you have chosen to embrace as your realities!
Be well and always stay safe.
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We are not human beings trying to learn how to be spiritual. We are spiritual beings trying to learn how to be human!
WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS
TRYING TO
LEARN
HOW TO BE
SPIRITUAL,
WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS
TRYING TO
LEARN
HOW TO BE
HUMAN! |
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I would like to share something important on this journal page today:
A Random Act of Kindness:
I would like to take a moment, to bring everyone's attention to just how positive "A Random Act of Kindness," can affect another person's life.
It doesn't need to be a holiday or any specific time of year. The chain reaction that this creates, is truly priceless!
I encourage each of you for no reason at all, to pick out a homeless person, the elderly, a child that doesn't have much, do to circumstances. It can also be someone you know that's having a hard time. Take the opportunity to make someone's day special.
Life is about opportunities we create, not just those that are presented to us. We as people, miss out on so much in life, if we do not navigate our own experiences in a positive light.
It can be a box of chocolates, or something you think that person can use or needs. Follow that with a genuine hug or a simple greeting of appreciation in acknowledgement of that moment. This random act can accomplish miracles!
Remember! Each time "A Random Act of Kindness," takes place in this world, at some point in that persons's life, they will remember your kind act and pass it along to another who is is need.
It's called, playing it forward:
There is no better gift that you can give yourself, other than by experiencing this very act. It's truly worthy of being repeated throughout your life time.
Selflessness can only be accomplished though a deep heart felt desire and need to give for no reason at all, no self gain, genuinely wanting nothing in return. Just to know you put a smile on someone's face is rewarding alone. There's no amount of money in this world, that can buy this very personalized gift.
Remember:
A heart can sour when we don't share some of what we have. It climbs higher, when we share some of what we don't have.
Our very spirit shines when we recognize someone, other than ourselves. Our awareness doubles with each experience that is selfless. As the mere essence evolve into growth, seeing through another's eyes.
All by just participating in "A Random Act of Kindness."
Be well and always stay safe. |
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In life, we have choices to be a positive or negative person. We are surrounded daily by choices. Those choices carve out our paths determining our journeys in life, along with our successes.
When you make a cognitive choice, to measure a negative experience against a positive thought, that very experience has enabled you to acquire the skill and mind set to embrace not only positive thinking, yet, maintaining a positive attitude throughout life.
Daily meditation allows internal peace. I have practiced this my entire life. I don't even realize I am doing it, it has become so natural. It can be as simple as clearing the mind, having no thoughts, then filling it with an imagery in which you allow the subconscious state of being to seek truths through processing energies.
The benefit behind this is internal health keeping you centered and grounded, as well as, keeping yourself in alignment, allowing clarity. This in turn, allows the mind to continue absorbing like a sponge. Continually sifting through the experience, being one within yourself, which is what meditation is all about.
With that being said, I will offer a few quotes that reflect carrying and/or embracing a positive attitude.
Positive Quotes:
Start your day by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you're doing the impossible. ~Francis of Assisi~
Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. ~Robert Lewis Stevenson~
The very essence of instinct is that it's followed independently of reason. ~Charles Darwin~
Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change. ~Steven Hawking~
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
~Thomas Jefferson~
Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you. ~Thomas Jefferson~
In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. ~Theodore Roosevelt~
Be well and always stay safe.
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D/s relationships as you can see is a broad based subject matter that travels in all directions from the most basic to the outer edges of taboo. What one person considers taboo, the next considers it to be acceptable. What one person considers kink, the next in line considers it to be quite basic. My point is, we all have our own realities on what words mean, words mean different things to different people. Instead of assuming, ask questions so that you're well informed.
Keep in mind we are not here to judge. I do not judge others, for the mere fact I do not want judged in return. As I am sure, you don't want others judging you as well. Respecting others is not only important, it should be given effortlessly. This is a site where like minded people can come together and get their needs met upon establishing a D/s relationship.
As long as your with a consenting adult/partner nothing more needs to be said on that note. However, if you are under age, you do not belong on this site, it is illegal.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it's not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Be well and stay safe.
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Frustration although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success!
Frustration
although quite painful at times,
is a very positive
and
essential part of success!
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Too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated.
Too Positive
To Be Doubtful,
Too Optimistic
To Be Fearful,
And Too Determined
To Be Defeated |
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Success is never giving up, never letting anyone get in your way, and by using the power of positive thinking to tackle obstacles and challenges that lay in your path and never being defeated!
SUCCESS IS NEVER GIVING UP
NEVER LETTING ANYONE
GET IN YOUR WAY
AND
BY USING
THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING
TO TACKLE OBSTACLES
AND
CHALLENGES
THAT LAY IN YOUR PATH
AND
NEVER BEING DEFEATED! |
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Think positive because thoughts are like the steering wheel that moves our life in the right direction.
THINK POSITIVE
BECAUSE THOUGHTS
ARE LIKE
THE STEERING WHEEL
THAT
MOVES OUR LIFE
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION |
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Now lets discuss a controversial topic within D/s. Many perceive this category as being taboo. When in fact, it is formed by two consenting adults who are not related. They deserve to be acknowledged as an intricate part within the D/s lifestyle and I wanted to pay tribute to them, having not mentioned their roles previously in my journal, before moving forward.
What is a Daddy/Dom:
A Daddy Dom is a type of Master who's nurturing, loving offering guidance to his submissive. The term "Daddy," is an affectionate term used between two consenting adults.
Daddy Doms are dominant men, they are no weaker than any other type of Dom/Master that shows their sub/slave no mercy. However, they too can be sadist along with nurturers.
What is a Mommy/Domme?
Mommy Dommes are dominant women, they are no weaker than any other type of Domme that shows their sub/slave no mercy. However, they too can be sadist along with being a nurturer.
You will often find many Doms/Dommes and/or Masters will mix the two depending on their moods, adding more layers of variety into the D/s relationship while others will stick strictly to the Dom/Master and sub/slave relationship.
There are so many variations of this specific D/s lifestyle choices. It's really a broad based D/s relationship.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it is not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Be well and always stay safe.
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Branches of life continuously expand through the very paths we pick. The roads we
discover ourselves traveling form the very direction of our sails. This ultimately determines our experiences in life, shortened and/or broadened.
Sometimes in life we have detours, where our paths are intersected bringing our pace to a halt, causing further examination of the present moment taking place. However, the present really doesn't exist. We have a past and a future that remain relevant. By the time you think a single thought, it has taken its rightful place within the past.
Everything I type, is the past. The present only exists as the moment of intersection of striking any key. Yet, we perceive it as the present, time truly unwinds at a pace all of its own, within the very psyche of the human mind and our perceptions.
Time continually dances with the past:
That could propose a deeper thought, how is that possible? Everything that takes place in our environment has an imprint, a memory that can be retrieved. The foundation behind this, is energies. Past energies are accessible, present energies are accessible, and the energies of the future are too accessible.
There is not a single thought and/or action in our environment that can't be retrieved. Nothing is impossible. Only your very perception and the limits you place on your perception and/or reality limit the human mind.
Summing up this journal page, time is a fascinating topic that continually dances with the past, present and future. It continues to captivate me with a depth of appreciation within a study's perspective, for time never stands still.
Be well and always stay safe. |
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Page 3 of 3
These two areas that reside within the D/s lifestyle choices, sadism and/or masochism sound intimidating, to those of you who are either new to D/s or curious about the lifestyle. You take one look at the two words below, becoming either aroused, curious, and/or frightened.
Many of which are frightened! I'll admit they do sound intimidating, especially if you do not understand what is behind these very acts.
1. Sadism: To derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, degradation and/or humiliation on others.
Sadist that exist within D/s are taking responsibility for their needs being met within a safe, sane and consensual exchange that stems directly from Dom/Master to sub/slave. There are many varying levels within sadism. It vary's from mild all the way up to extreme. To gain pleasure and/or sexual satisfaction from inflicting pain, suffering, degrading and/or through humiliation of others sounds intimidating.
Though these very acts allow levels of pleasure to surpass a normal scale of what society would dictate as pleasurable sexually.
2. Masochism: Receiving sexual gratification from pain, suffering, humiliation & that is imposed by others.
Anyone who has ever experienced a spanking during any sexual act and enjoyed it has taken part in being related to masochism on some level. Now lets look at pain, humiliation, degradation being imposed by a sadist.
Sound intimidating?
Sure, who in their right mind wants to experience pain? Who in their right mind wants to experience humiliation? Who in their right mind wants to experience degradation?
Well, we do not live in a perfect world, we live in a tainted world of hidden desires that we all seek. Most couples go through their lives living in the closet or chiding themselves for thinking in appropriate thoughts and live their lives never living.
Pain - Spankings we all can relate too as when being spanked during sexual activity as being pleasurable. You may also enjoy being slapped in the face while involved in sexual activities, does it sting? Of course, Is is enjoyable? Of course, when the pain and the twisted pleasure both being to blend together and heighten your sexual awareness.
Humiliation - Ever been in public and thought to yourself privately, "I wonder what it would be like to have an orgasm in public?" That would be really humiliating being watched by other people as you try and contain yourself. The second option could be I wonder what its like to be brought to an orgasm over and over again in public, yet, each time being denied. Not only humiliating but also it will top frustration as you know it on all levels.
However, when you're finally permitted to have an orgasm. It will be one you will never forget, only then can you truly understand the pleasure behind humiliation.
Think about what all these elements can offer you.
I will not even try to tell you its not humiliating, it is without a doubt. There are thousands of acts that can equally imprint lasting images on your soul, though, the trade off is well worth the achievement through the D/s lifestyle choices.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it's not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Be well and always stay safe.
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Page 2 of 3
These very key areas within the D/S lifestyle, domination and submission, I have no doubt for many of you on this site contemplating the D/s lifestyle, take one look at these two key words below and become either aroused, curious or frightened.
There is really nothing to be frightened or scared about. Domination and submission allow you to let go so that you can freely explore depths, your very core desires that manifest in the back of your mind. Most people only wish they could dare to bring those private thoughts into a reality. Instead they choose suppression, chiding to themselves, as an unaccepted behavior. All because society imprinting what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable.
Does mainstream society determine if you have a cup of coffee in the morning? Most certainly a cup of coffee in the morning is a common practice, however, that is also a choice you either make or you don't make.
I make a clear choice daily to not consume caffeinated products. I also make a choice daily to embrace my true self, which places me directly within the scope of D/s. My point is, having morals and values in life are important, though, sacrificing your true core self and your desire to surrender, all because, it isn't within the norm of what society dictates, is like denying yourself a shower everyday. It just makes absolutely no sense.
Live life to the fullest and allow the illusion of fear to become a part of your past:
1. Domination:
The exercise of control and/or influence over a sub/slave.
2. Submission:
Accepting and/or yielding to a superior force and/or to the will of another person.
Domination/submission
This is the act of exchanging power and/or a Total Power Exchange. Not all D/s relationships are formed within a TPE (Total Power Exchange) some are not into it that deeply. Most people into TPE have a long history within D/s, over time what used to keep you satisfied turns into barely taking the edge off of the addiction. That, however, does not mean your extreme, it simply means you've grown as a Dom/Master and/or as a sub/slave.
D/s is a journey of truths and that's what it's all about indeed for many of us, and as for the destination always remains unknown.
Please remember this is not a game:
1. Always be honest about your personal experience within D/s.
To mislead anyone especially a Dom/Domme/Master is setting yourself up for disaster. The fault will reside in your lap, be ready to take ownership of your own personal experiences, should you decide not to use total honesty.
2, Never get in over your head, that alone can leave you scarred with negative experiences. There is absolutely no reason for it by and through making wise choices and/or decisions.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it's not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Be well and stay safe always.
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My previous journal entry we discussed subspace, where I mentioned briefly the term "aftercare." Those of you that are new to D/s and/or are curious about D/s might wonder.
What is aftercare?
Aftercare is the process of attending to the submissive after an intense session, which resulted in deep feelings and/or emotions. These could be physical or psychological in nature, which resulted within the activities of a bdsm session.
Subspace can be exhausting; and drain the submissive mentally, emotionally and/or the physical energy. As a result, the submissive may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness.
If a session goes astray, it can be anything from exhilaration to being traumatized. It all depends on the submissive and whether or not he/she was prepared mentally prior for the session should it have resulted in being traumatized. If the submissive wasn't mentally prepared for the session, then the responsibility falls back on the Dom/Master.
When a Dom/Master puts his sub at risk, he too can need debriefing from the result of damages caused to the submissive in His care. On occasion aftercare involves a review and/or "debriefing." Where the Dom/Master and the submissive discuss the experiences on both ends. This enables your Dom/Master deeper insight on how to proceed forward with future sessions.
Aftercare continued:
There are many types of aftercare, it all depends on the level of the activity. Take me for example. I have the ability to travel quite deep into subspace, to the point that I cannot always exit on my own. At times, not always, it takes being gently guided out of sub space where the Dom/Master verbally tries to get you to focus on His voice, once that is successful, then He can get you to focus on his words, once that has been accomplished, then He can guide you to focus on a short sentence, slowly pulling you out, carefully and successfully until he can use key words that will bring you back to reality, your reality.
To summarize this journal entry. The example above is a very basic aftercare procedure and it does at times require far more to exit subspace. I have the ability to travel very deeply into subspace. Remember not all subs are identical, some need more than others. It really depends on the depth of the session, as to where you fall in line with your needs within the supplied aftercare within any given session.
All experienced Dom/Masters offer their sub/slaves aftercare, when they feel its necessary. The goal is always keeping a submissive safe and healthy, not just emotionally and physically but internally as well.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it's not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
As always be well and stay safe.
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If you've been looking into the D/s lifestyle you've probably heard of the term sub space. What is sub space?
There are varying stages of sub space. The depth of sub space is determined by the application and/or intensity of the scene resulting in the physical and emotional sensations that are derived and brought forward by the Dom/Master through the act of domination and control.
They claim much depends on the ability and willingness of the bottom/submissive to let go, allowing the feelings to develop. I really feel, this is only with those new to D/s who are learning and/or are not truly submissive.
I will explain why:
I personally experienced sub space, long before submitting physically. I didn't know what that feeling was or that it was related to D/s, let alone sexual or non sexual, however, after my very first experience within D/s, I put 2+2 together and came up with four.
It all made perfect sense:
I have never not experienced subspace when submitting. It doesn't even take a scene for me to experience sub space. As a result I do not wear my submission on my sleeve, that could be dangerous, in the wrong situation.
Hypothetical Example 1:
Think about being at a munch, which I have never been to a munch before in my life. However, you're sitting around a table with a bunch of Doms and subs. All types of words are being used in conversation, nobody knows they are triggers. You suddenly find yourself experiencing sub space. This isn't an ideal situation to find yourself experiencing. Hence, I do not wear my submissive nature on my sleeve. It's vital, if you're like me to learn how to control it.
Any Dom/Master with experience will take one look into your eyes and know exactly what is taking place, that is a fact! Unless he's your Dom/Master, I would advise against wearing your submissive nature on your sleeve, for all to see.
Hypothetical Example 2:
Take a trigger word, a tone in the voice, a certain look. An experienced Dom/Master can sink you with very little effort, provided, you too are an experienced sub that truly understands what subspace is on an intimate level, subspace for myself, can go very very deep, which means I cannot climb back out without guidance and aftercare.
I cannot speak for other subs out there, I can only speak from my own personal experience. When entering sub space, a Dom/Master can keep you there, your powerless to stop Him. Much depends on the depth of sub space with many. This is why TRUST is vital between the Dom/Master and submissive.
Lets give an realistic example and I am not trying to scare you. However, I feel its important that you know this isn't a game you're playing. When you choose to submit or surrender to a Dom/Master this is a reality.
Lets say one of your limits is no anal:
When in sub space, and your Dom/Master decides on His own to bypass a limit, He can and you will not be able to say or do nothing about it. When I am in sub space, I am floating in the clouds, experiencing a body high that is out of this world. It's familiar, comforting, soothing and has a level of intoxication all in the same breath, it also goes much deeper. My eyes can glaze over, as if I am in a trance like state of being. All you're capable of doing is submitting.
TRUST is vital within D/s and this is why! This only validates that you should pick your Dom and or Dom/Master wisely, with forethought and great care.
Be well and stay safe always.
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I would like to reinforce that each day is a new opportunity. Experiences within the D/s lifestyle are also an opportunity for growth. We must accept and/or respect the choices of others, just as we accept and want our choices respected within the D/s lifestyle.
I find in life being positive even in a negative situation builds strengths, it adds to your character. These traits become cemented in what and who you are and/or what you stand for in life, along with morals and values. Yes, even within D/s we do have morals and values we live by daily. However, our minds may be eternally in the gutter and/or (being stretched) continually. Somethings, however, cannot be changed or altered.
A long time favorite quote by Mahatma Ghandhi that resonates with me, is as follows:
"Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny."
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Indian Political And Spiritual Leader
One final favorite quote by the Dalai Lama that resonates with me as well, is as follows:
"Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for trouble makers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience."
I will leave this journal page ending on a positive note and will continue to move forward with my journal entries.
Please be well and always stay safe.
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When making references to energies, its always important to start out with the most basic information, so that others can follow with a clear understanding of the texts being shared.
Energies are the very basis for all things in life, from people, animals, plant life and all sources that are living within our very environment. Photons are electromagnetic energies, in which we all are composed. Within that energy source, is stored information that can be read, with each of our five senses.
Sight:
Ever sense something that nobody else around you senses?
Smell:
Ever smell something that only you smell, yet, nobody else does?
Taste:
Ever find your taste buds picking up on something in the air, yet, its only you?
Hearing:
Ever hear something that nobody else physically hears?
Touch:
Ever touch something with your mind not your fingertips?
Ask yourself is this at all possible:
How can these senses exist when we cannot visually see the energy source that lives within us or around us? We can feel it, we can sense it, we can metaphorically taste it, we even at times can hear it. Yet, we cannot physically touch it, however, it still exists within our constant environment.
These very senses that I mentioned above are at the beginning stages of infancy:
Once you learn how to crawl, stand up, walk, become a toddler, a young child, an adolescent, a teenager, an adult, a mid aged adult and finally joining the elderly, which would be considered the completion of a cycle. Only then, can you begin to understand the full scope of energies and/or the study of energies themselves.
This opens the mind to many theory's that seem impossible to achieve, yet, nothing is truly impossible. Just by opening your mind, broadening your views on any subject matter alone, for knowledge is truly endless. D/s is also a path, in which is endless. You're always studying the subject matter, its a life long journey that only ends at the end of any given life cycle.
How does the "Law of Attraction" interface with energies:
Energies are in fact behind the law of attraction. Yes we are visual beings, yet, when energies radiate harmoniously together, we click. Personalities, interests along with other attributes and/or characteristics come together. Many traits are in opposition, in which, the energies still blend together flawlessly.
Ever meet someone that rubs you the wrong way?
Of course you have. You simply do not share the same energy field in which radiates together harmoniously.
Ever meet someone you don't like?
Yet you find yourself drawn to them anyways, going against your very rational mind and normal choices that you're accustomed to making in life.
Those forms of energies house an education. The energies themselves have things to
teach one another, furthering the growth on both ends. Allowing more depth to be added to the many layers which comprise your character. Opposite energies can attract too, especially when there is a life purpose. Energies that are opposites usually deflect one another, yet, the energy source behind this example bounces off one another and remains as an unexplained attraction.
Ask yourself this question, "When you start talking to someone on line," why is it your drawn to one more than the other?
If you remove a visual aid, energies are no different than meeting someone in person and clashing or instantly becoming friends. That very example happens on line too. We each seek certain energies in which we blend together with flawlessly as Positive/negative ends, Tops/bottoms, Dom/sub, Dom/slave, Master/sub, and Master/slave.
Energies in this setting are pretty basic and easy to understand, if we can view this as a reality, then in fact, the natural progressive study of energies has validation. Then transitioning into the next stage of energies referenced above in an example of the many stages which comprise a full study of energies.
Energies:
Energies have a lot to do with all relationships along with D/s, its called chemistry, they all link together in the full picture and/or scope. All subject matters can be woven together simply because they compliment one another. Even oppositions and direct contrasts can be woven together and weaved into any subject matter, yet shine brilliantly.
My profile picture depicts this very same energy source that lives within and around us, being an endless array of raw data waiting to be discovered and collected. Ultimately pushing the scope, stretching the mind to reach beyond the norm. Grasping not only an understanding of the subject matter, yet, the study of energies within themselves. How and why they exist and their purpose of a higher education.
My profile picture resembles me in many ways, as well as, within the very medium of energies being manifested.
In summarizing this journal entry, we have five senses that enable us to read the energies around us, in and within our very environment. This is just a very basic overview of what energies are and how they interact with us on a daily basis and why I find this subject matter so fascinating and educational.
Human behaviors is another topic/subject matter that I started studying at a very young age as well. I find it a fascinating study. However, I am going to leave that topic alone for the time being, as well as, any other subject matters that I am passionate about in life.
Be well and always stay safe.
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In switching topics on this journal entry, I decided to take an opportunity to share some of my other interests. This allows others on this site, to catch a brief glimpse into who I am and what I am about, aside from the D/s lifestyle choices.
First of all, I would like to say, "I'm not much of a reader!" I avoid books and/or reading like the plague with very few exceptions. I have always preferred hands on learning, it houses a far more in-depth study on any given subject matter, in which, I am passionate about in life.
Many might wonder. How can you study a subject, if you do not make reference to a book or have collected data:
Well that is true on some varying levels, many do study from books and some study from collecting data first hand. To read someone's perspective in any book and/or subject matter, it only taints my own view. To have a view without any other influences, you must first set out on your own collecting raw data, that has yet, to pass through other hands prior to becoming a part of your study.
One of my favorite past times is theorizing. Taking a theory, one in which that not only sounds impossible, yet, you know at the very least it will be challenging to prove as being a fact. Knowing, it's a long shot, as you go through the process of validation. Theory's have to possess credibility and be able to stand up on their own effortlessly before any theory can transition into a fact.
Another area of study that I am passionate about is energies:
Energies are absolutely fascinating. I have studied them my entire life. They continue to educate me, open my mind by and through broadening my views. Always demonstrating, that nothing is impossible to achieve.
Our only limit in life is our imagination. Stretching my mind, exercising my brain to the point of it being equivalent to a 5 hour work out at a gym, is just a brief glimpse into what we are capable of in life, if we only put forth the effort gaining skill.
Our brain is a muscle, it needs exercise just like the rest of our body, our intake of food is our source of energy. If we feed ourselves poorly, do not take care of our bodies along with working out our brain on a regular basis, what happens? All muscles begin to deteriorate.
The human mind:
The human mind is an interesting study in which I have been passionate about all my life. Our brains intellectually are capable of so much more then the general population even begin to realize. Science is slowly gaining insight on the organ. It's often overlooked by the generalized population, as people are so willing to accept the norm.
D/s isn't the norm and maybe that is why I am here:
My point is reach for the sky and if you want to achieve something in life, don't let anyone tell you, you can't, or that its impossible. Dreams happen because you believed in something, bringing your idea or desire into manifestation, through nurturing it, watering it, and caring for it continually to fruition.
If you neglect these areas even within D/s lifestyle choices, it will fall apart:
Commitments in life should never be taken carelessly, you should always give one hundred percent to anything you want to see flourish into a reality. If you can't do that, then you might as well call it a night and venture out with a new plan tomorrow morning.
Each new day is an opportunity to create something that will prosper, mature and find healthy growth upon the branches of what I call a progression of life!
Regarding my journal:
This is just a basic overview of a few subject matters that I am truly passionate about in life, other than the D/s lifestyle choices.
One thing I value in life above all else is honesty, it has always been easy for me and continues to be a character trait that comes with the highest respect when offered willingly.
In an overview:
Honesty in life will take you far and wide, allowing others to see within, without fear of judgement. It's something I embrace with an unequivocal genuine passion, for truths is what I seek.
Remember, one of the most powerful things in life is constructive criticism, take it in stride, remembering to be thankful that someone took the time to share their perspective. It offers you the opportunity to achieve higher goals by setting your standards apart from the norm.
My journal entries:
I've made a commitment to try and post a journal entry each day. I have never written before in my life. Sometimes, just a suggestion from another energy source can change the course and/or direction of your life, with nothing more than a simple suggestion.
You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and accept constructive criticism with a genuine appreciation for different perspectives. Embracing it with an open mind, always remembering to not take any criticism too personally.
Be well and remember to always stay safe.
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Lets touch base on what a Switch is within the D/s lifestyle:
What is a Switch:
A Switch is a Top and a bottom. They switch roles from being a Dom and/or Domme to a sub, on occasions they can take the roles as a slave as well. This allows the other person involved in the D/s relationship to take turns, depending on their moods.
This can be a useful tool if your paired up with someone who is less experienced. It allows the counterpart to clearly see your core needs and preferences while being dominated. However, this is not the only reason behind a Switch. This by no means that a Master cannot fall into this category as well, however, it's less common.
I would like to bring attention to another subject matter:
Within BDSM some Dom/Masters have been sub/slaves previously within D/s lifestyle. It doesn't make them a weaker Dom/Master by any means. It can actually be a benefit, in that they intimately understand the emotions behind submission and surrender. Having gained valuable insight into the subject matter on a personal level, leaving them with a well rounded perspective.
Another area is as follows:
Some sub/slaves will and can assist their Dom/Master in dominating another sub/slave. The Dom/Master is always in control of the sub/slave and with a look or a any ques, he/she will fall to their knees in total surrender.
The main focus behind this, is that the desire to please runs so deep, that some not all, are able to step into temporary roles to further the pleasure their Dom/Master.
To summarize this subject matter. You'll see they're many variations within the D/s lifestyle on Domination & submission. Top/bottom/Switch/Dom/Domme and/or Master's.
Some true to the D/s lifestyle, fit into any of the above category's mentioned:
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it is not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
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Everyone new to the D/s lifestyle not only needs to know what BDSM stands for, yet, also needs to have a basic understanding of what it all means. Its helpful in assessing where you may or may not fit into these categories.
BD stands for Bondage & Discipline, DS Stands for Domination & Submission, SM stands for Sadism & Masochism.
I will provide a basic definition of each category then summarize:
Bondage:
The state of being a slave, being restrained, often used in bdsm for sexual pleasure.
Discipline:
Training your sub/slave to obey rules through reinforcement and/or punishment to correct any form of disobedience.
Domination:
The exercise of control and/or influence over a sub/slave.
Submission:
Accepting and/or yielding to a superior force and/or to the will of another person.
Sadism:
To derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.
Masochism:
Receiving sexual gratification from pain, suffering, humiliation & degradation that is imposed by others.
In an overview summary:
If you're a sub/slave you more than likely enjoy most of these areas with some depth. Others may enjoy varying levels, minus domination and sadism. Domination and sadism are generalized areas for Doms, Domme's and Master's as a norm. All other category's apply to sub/slaves.
I personally, look at this list and see many triggers, causing a deep internal thirst, core needs, I recognize. If you have similar feelings about these terms as you read them, then you're one of the two categories, a sub and/or a slave, if not both. You can also be a combined mixture, a sub with slave tendencies as well.
Sound confusing?
All slaves are subs, which is short for submissive. However, subs/submissive's are not slaves. To confuse it even more, some subs have slave tendencies which I referenced above.
It really is pretty simple once you wrap your head around the terms:
The important part of this equation is to figure out where you fit into the mix, so that you're well suited with a Dom, Domme and/or Master, without getting in over your head.
Decisions like this shouldn't be taken lightly, it is not a game:
With keeping that in mind, you have a few tools to help you figure out how to move forward safely.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it is not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Always be well and stay safe!
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In my last journal entry, I covered the basic differences between a Dom and a Master:A Dom is studying D/s and a Master has harnessed His skills, which can only be achieved in an in-depth study that stems from years of hands on experience, while carefully honing and refining His skills. Continually all the while, being perfected through His vast experience and continued study.When your new to D/s in today's world of technology, which we didn't have several decades back within our grasps, which I touched on briefly in my previous journal page. I must say, "You're really rather fortunate to have literature on the subject matter, all within your reach. Helping to aid you in your choices, broadening your insight, strengthening your views, all within a click of a single button housed at your very fingertips.
Now I would like to move on to a very important question:
One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is "What's the difference between a sub and a slave?" Which category do I fit in and why?
This is and has become a heated debate within those true to the lifestyle. Many butting heads. It's also a personal answer in which differentiates from person to person. Everyone that holds a strong view and/or opinion on this subject matter, deserves to be acknowledged, as being valid and legitimate.
That sounds confusing doesn't it?
It really isn't so confusing once you pay tribute to different points of views. Accepting each view as having validation. When you're passionate about views on any topic or subject matter, your always going to find debates. One view striving to dominate the next view. In debates one view wants to TOP the rest, which is why debates become so heated, when in a room full of people all passionate about any given subject matter.
Though, please keep in mind, this is one view of the vast majority of the D/s spectrum. It is just my personal view. It isn't right and it isn't wrong, all views have weight. Only when two collide with similar views, does it then become a truth that resides in one soul.
I will now share my insight on how I feel the two terms sub/slave differentiate.
A Master doesn't always allow His slave to possess any limits, which means anything goes. You have no voice, your choice is to surrender to any and all acts without question or hesitation. Punishment can be worse than that actual acts, it is His choice to decide how it will be carried out.
A Master can also allow His slave some safe and sane limitations, usually it is only because they are limitations He set for Himself, basically your under His umbrella. While some Master's will allow His slave to have some hard and soft limitations, though, anything that isn't a hard limit, he will eventually place on the table and that is His right to determine how He will groom his slave.
Some Masters allow a slave to have a voice at appropriate times, meaning, when He asks you a question, you can mindfully answer it with a plea, speaking properly showing full respect. He can choose to acknowledge your plea or to ignore it, for He will always be making the final decision for you.
A Dom/Master will usually allow (not always) His sub to have limitations of what she is willing and not willing to participate in, the Dom can be more lenient and forgiving to where a Master will or can be less forgiving, by allowing His sub to have or not to have a voice.
Though, in truth, the rules that get set down can change from Dom/Master. It, however, is important to know your soft and hard limits and implementing safe and sane limitations as well.
To summarize the difference between a sub and a slave, it is the level of surrender that truly separates the two terms. Total surrender cannot be achieved unless you have complete unequivocal trust in your Dom/Master. Most would agree a true slave is one without any limits, other than what her Master sets for Himself. However, as in any debate, many pause to disagree.
Just remember there is no right or wrong definition. If two consenting adults come together with similar needs as a Dom/sub/slave or a Master/sub/slave, there should be absolutely no judgement.
I do not believe D/s no matter where you're in the spectrum has any right to judge others, on any level. Dom/Master's fill the need of His sub/slave's, it's truly a perfect union of balance.
Just be careful when making a choice that is my only advise, it is one of the most important decisions you can ever make, with that in mind, you will go far and wide.
Please always remember:
Being dominant isn't measure by how much you can hurt or force your submissive into any acts. Being a dominant is measured by your ability to effortlessly control your submissive and command respect.
When you use mental or physical abuse to dominate your submissive, you're being nothing more than a bully. Bullies can never measure up to a True Dominant, that is a fact, keeping this in mind as you tread forward can help aid you wisely.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it is not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
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Total surrender begins when you willingly place complete unequivocal trust in your Master. Through this very act, you are exchanging a Total Power Exchange, (TPE) in which your Master will make all decisions for you, knowing that by placing your trust in Him, He will in return guide you wisely. Always knowing when to challenge you, when to push your limits and when to pause.
Many struggles lay in this very path, yet, when it is housed with a Master that is strong enough not to bend when he observes a weakness in his submissive, he knows the steps to take in order to turn that weakness into a strength. Allowing his submissive to embrace truths that lie deep within her soul, seeking her deepest darkest desires as he guides them into fruition freeing her. This allows internal freedom for any submissive that is strong enough to hand over total control to her Master willingly.
An introduction to D/s lifestyle choices:
The imagery that you see on my profile is a piece of art in which I identify with, on a personal level. I see myself within that imagery on various levels and stages throughout my life, from youth to current. All the growth in between creating branches of maturity as one grows into their role of surrender.
The ultimate surrender I view as a soul preparing for flight:
The imagery in itself, has a multitude of ways it can be perceived by any said viewer. Which in turn, lends versatility that can be applied in any way a viewer is drawn within His/her perception. What I see when I look at the imagery is a submissive soul, in which has always had a destined path, a direction of traveling through life while gaining insight, into what I recognized very early in life. For some of us, "submission," isn't a choice, its a birth right.
Some of us are talented singers, others are gifted musicians, some have a natural talent athletically. I was just born with a core need to experience submission, as a life long path. I knew growing up, I was hard wired differently than those around me, as a teenager, I finally understood how I stood apart from my piers. Once I made the final connection there was no looking back, I understood my core needs where submission was concerned, it all finally made sense and was brought full circle.
D/s isn't for everyone, do not think it is an easy path, for those of us with this calling there is no escape, its a part of our core genetic make-up. It is very much like an addiction, that needs, "fed," it can be an unattractive cycle if its not being managed, I know that road all to well.
Imagine what its like being dominated for long periods of time 24/7 and then have it stop instantly. I don't have words for the agonizing withdrawals. I can tell you its a nightmare, not one you'll want to visit anytime soon! I am not sharing this with you to scare you, I am sharing it, because it is the truth behind D/s. All true to the lifestyle, Doms, Masters, subs and slaves can all attest to the very same as being a truth. Its' a core need that needs "fed." Thankfully, we have options in today's technology based medium with the internet and computers.
I also want to touch lightly on a few terms in D/s. We have Doms, and we have Masters, please understand not all Doms are Master's. Master's have refined their skills and have experience under their belts, they also expect far more from their sub/slaves.
If you're wanting to explore D/s my advise would be to encourage you to find a Dom instead of a Master which has less experience, they are going to be more forgiving and many are lenient with their subs, so please keep that in mind when making a choice.
I realize I touched a lot of areas as a basic overview of D/s. In moving forward with my journal, I will focus more on specific area's to help provide a broadened view for anyone genuinely interested in exploring D/s. I also encourage anyone interested to remember we have a great resource right at our fingertips available to study, for Doms and subs alike, the internet.
We didn't have these resources three decades ago, we had to figure things out on our own. I myself was fortunate, I met a Dom early in life, which set the course of my very path, being ingrained deeply into the core of my very being. This is the only path for myself, its a path I have never questioned, and fully embrace willingly, the passion for D/s lives within my very soul.
Over the past thirty plus years my submission has grown, what I need as a submissive today (my core needs) and what someone starting out needs are like night and day. Please make smart choices and do not jump in over your head without doing your homework first.
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it is not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
Always be well and stay safe.
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Please Note:
This journal will be "G," rated. If you are looking for erotica or bdsm stories/personal experiences, they will not be found in my journal. Privacy in life has always been something I value and appreciate, along with my own sense of class and style that dictates naturally when I choose to speak, in text or verbally in life.
My journal, however, will house a deep sense of intimacy. There are many stages of intimacy that exist. When you breath life into a birthing of new words, they begin to emerge, being fused and charged with your unique signature. Slowly unraveling at that very moment of conception, into your text, with a willingness to share and allow others to experience your very intimate energy source.
Energy sources are a interesting study indeed. A topic in which I have studied quite liberally, though, I will leave that topic neatly on a shelf for the time being. I do not feel any more information on this subject matter would be beneficial to my journal at this precise moment in time.
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It was suggested by a valued friend that I should consider starting a journal. He felt that other sub sisters and/or Doms who are learning, could have a source of direction in understanding what true submission means. This account as it evolves is only my perspective. We all house our own realities, in which, we each embrace truths that reside in the core fibers of our very soul.
I realize it's important to express a willingness in sharing and help participate in educating within this subject matter, especially since this has been a life long passion for myself. Therefore, sharing this insight/perspective isn't a huge jump for myself on an intellectual level. However, it can transcend challenges in front of me, in which will continue to become my strengths within the very opportunity of itself, by and through writing and clear communication. Some of the subject matters I am passionate about in life will find themselves weaved into my journal entries, as this new experience begins to evolve. The objective is to be well received by others, as an educational and inspirational resource.
I was born gifted with many core attributes, that I wear well. They are a solid part of my very core foundation. In life, when I choose to speak, I have always had a voice that radiates with energies that are well received, which I possess naturally. Always remembering to be most appreciative and grateful to have these skills accompany me throughout my life, for they come with little effort. Always knowing and being secure in the importance to remain humble when remembering, "All gifts should be shared and multiplied," not selfishly harbored.
I invite each of you to follow me, as I begin to wrap my words with energies through my careful choice and selection of chosen words, being mindful in using thought, fore-care and a genuine desire to share and educate through my eyes, and my one voice!
I do not claim to be an expert on the subject matter. This information is only one perspective, it is not shared with an ego or any superiority. It's simply a resource for those of you who find it helpful to have some basic information on the subject matter.
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| Age: 28 |
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Oklahoma |
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