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Hoop
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alifechoice
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slaveember
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MsTasha2you
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rider4u
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pleasurepet4me
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StrangerThan
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woodshedorlando
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DeathRaven
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Kuntslave4488
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Artistique
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PersephoneAwake
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servemydesire
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newdivguy
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HoustonMaster47
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toy4u38401
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ColShaes
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7/16/12 This slave does NOT cyber, please don't ask!
11/06/09
This slave is NOT seeking currently anything more than friendship with like-minded individuals who love this lifestyle as i do. i'm quite content with being the slave that i am. However, with that being said, should a friendship blossom into something more that's promising, then it shall be. i'm just not in any hurry nor is it necessary for this slave's happiness. *Smiles warmly so very happy and proud of who i am and what i'm becoming.*
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1/22/09
'The greatest gift you can give to a friend is a piece of your heart.'
-Unknown
How very true this is, even when you get hurt in the process. It's *still* worth it.
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11/04/08
This slave is BEAUTIFUL! Thank You so VERY much, Sir!!
__________________________________
Quite the awakening is brewing inside this slave! Exhilaration like i've never known is beginning to radiate from deep within. Yes, yes indeed this slave is on a journey. The destination is unknown, the path less traveled and at times, extremely difficult. However, i am completely content right where i am and who i am becoming. i am just me and for now, that's deeply gratifying in and of itself.
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*Soft humble smile* Thank You, Sir for Your heartfelt guidance that continued to open yet another door into a secret garden.
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*Serene, peaceful smile* Thank You, Sir, for caring about the woman within this slave!
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This slave cherishes *every* single second of life. it can only hope you do the same. All too soon it's over in the blink of an eye. This slave is truly blessed and genuinely thankful for those it loves and those who return their love in kind.*People* are what's important in life, NOT possessions. Please be sure to make time for those you love! You won't regret it!
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'I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.'
-Helen Keller
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How delightful it is to begin to explore and comprehend who and what you *really* are down deep inside! For this i thank my previous Mentor. What an intelligent Man He is!
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'I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.'
-Anna Freud(1895-1982)
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Just a few 'personal' things about me....
1. It's my nature to serve my Betters.
2. The very BEST things in life do not require money! Just a bit of imagination and time.
3. Taking time to enjoy life's little blessings is something i NEVER take for granted.
4. Thunderstorms are awesome!
5. Dancing is a favorite of mine.
6. i enjoy intelligent conversation.
7. my favorite colors are in no particular order pink, purple, green, red, black & white.
8. Making new friends is always a pleasure.
9. Water is my choice of beverage.
10. Walking in the rain is something i do every chance i get.
11. A snowball fight is quite invigorating!
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"Our lives improve only when we take chances-and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."
-Walter Anderson |
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"One must learn to unlearn what one has learned in order to continue to learn." |
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"Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."
- Lt. John B. Putnam, Jr. |
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"Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
But today is a gift,
that is why it is called the *present*."
Quote from Kungfu Panda
(And oh yes, i did and do enjoy such movies! *Grins and winks*) |
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The power of submission
lies not in the ability
to kneel before another,
to give over one's body
or in the wearing of a collar.
The power of submission
can be found only in the heart
of one who gives her love
to another freely
knowing what joy and pain
will come from it.
-Roguer
(Used with the permission from the one who has this on her own profile. Name not given to protect her privacy. You know who you are. Thank you!!!)
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"One must learn to unlearn what one has learned in order to continue to learn."
....This slave can not take credit for this quote. However, the author of it escapes me. |
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It's not what you do
once in a while,
It's what you do
day in and day out that
makes all the difference.
-Jenny Craig
**************************
I believe that all of us
have the capacity for one adventure inside of us,
but great adventure is facing responsibility
day after day.
-William Gordon
Episcopal Bishop of Alaska |
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The Power of Submission
( author unknown )
To understand the power of submission, one must first understand what being a submissive means, where it comes from and how it is expressed. True submission is something that comes from deep within a person and is an essential part of their nature. It is something expressed from the soul and as such, it goes much deeper than the mere physical/sexual act of offering oneself to a Master for pleasure.
A person can behave in a submissive manner but this is not the same as being "a submissive". To offer oneself completely and utterly to another, to surrender all choice and "power" requires an exceptional inner strength. High self esteem and acknowledge that in order to relinquish power to another as well as understanding that one must possess that inner power is essential.
Embracing and expressing my submissive nature has given me the most powerful opportunities to find the deepest levels of trust, power and the intimacy that can only arise from the bond of a Master and sub. It is the ultimate expression of balance, the archetypal opposition of yin (the receptive principal) and yang (the active principle). Both sides being perfectly equal, yet forming a perfect whole.
As a submissive, my goals are to come before my Master as an empty chalice to be filled..... or a blank canvas to be painted.... formless clay waiting to be molded. Through this exchange, I know that I will become more than I was before.... the Master takes the raw material, or the blank canvas or the raw gemstone and brings out the inner luster. In this experience, what many misinterpret is that they assume the Master imposes his will upon the sub and she becomes whatever he wants her to be. I would disagree.... to me, the Master brings out the qualities of submission in a more pronounced way. Rather than being told to "act" in a submissive way, it is the submissive's role to remove veil after veil until who she becomes is the perfect reflection of devoted service and in serving her Master, she finds an inner joy and balance that comes from knowing that with each veil removed, each boundary crossed, she becomes MORE of who she already is.
When I feel, hear and see my Master's pride in me, I know that I am elevated and adored above all women. I have truly given the Gift of my soul to him and in that exchange he becomes as bound to me as I am to him. That is the beauty of submission to me. There is a dynamic that exists where the more my Master asks of me, the more I am able to give, and then the deeper our bond becomes.
It grows exponentially. The perfect yin/yang of the Master being the active principle in the TAKING and the submissive being the receptive in the GIVING. My submission is expressed in many ways: on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. Without all of these levels, again, it becomes merely a physical act.
There is sacredness to submission as well for me. Like prayer or other acts of devotion, it is living my life with an intention and focus that always strives for the highest, purest expression. Putting the relationship first... always searching within for ways to please and offer more of myself than I think I can. It is this going beyond and pushing limits that becomes the most important reward of submission for me... the place of empowerment and self knowledge and the resulting inner strength/transformation.
It is also dancing with the inner Shadow self... the parts of me that are about fear and being taken on the journey by someone (the Master) who will be there to catch you so you never really fall. The most special part of submission for me is level of intimacy and soul connection with another.
Each veil that is removed, each boundary crossed, each lash accepted and begged for, each time of being taken to the outer most regions of letting go of control..... All of this is the glue that binds the Master and sub completely to one another. To become completely naked and vulnerable on every level, and then give more than I think I can and see the pride, love and devotion in my Master's eyes is the greatest Gift imaginable. |
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Take Some Time
Take some time to smell the flowers
As you walk the path of life.
Take some time to ease the tensions
From the challenges and strife.
Take some time to hear the birds sing
As they usher in the dawn.
Though the day be just emerging,
Too soon it will be gone.
Take some time to watch a sunrise,
Now and then a sunset too.
Just be sure that seeking pleasure
Isn't all you ever do.
Take some time to count your blessings,
Though you feel they're not that great.
You will find they're more abundant
Than you thought, at any rate.
Take some time to banish hatred
When and where you can.
Just detest man's evil ways
And not your fellow man.
Take some time to love your children
Every moment you are free.
The benefits far exceed
A university degree.
Take some time to love your neighbor
And even more important still,
Take some time to love yourself,
Or not many others will.
And if you don't like that image
Of yourself that others see,
Take some time to make some changes,
Be the best that you can be.
Take some time to help another
Who you think might need a hand.
You will find the satisfaction
Leaves you feeling sort of grand.
Take some time to live by virtue
In the best way that is known,
And respect the rights of others
As equal to your own.
Take some time to just appreciate
The fact that you are here,
And to know that Higher Power,
And to trust It without fear.
If you do these things with diligence
You will eventually be glad.
If you don't attempt to do them
You may one day wish you had.
Although this no doubt could impose
Upon your time for seeking wealth,
There should be little question
That it could improve your health.
And though you might not be wealthy
Nor drive so fine a car,
You'll find you will be richer
In other ways by far.
Author: Unknown |
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In the interest of attempting to be fair with *all* of my wonderful friends, please note that i'm currently receiving more mail/messages than usual. This coupled with the exciting elements of my daily life sometimes causes me to get temporarily behind in things. So, if i've not yet answered yours, i will do so at the first opportunity, promise! *Smiles and waves*
Again this slave thanks all of you who are so very kind and continue to share your love, support, and sincere caring.
This slave is more than truly blessed to have such awesome friends! Thank you..each and every one. Hugs to you *ALL*!!! |
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Walk on a rainbow trail;
walk on a trail of song,
and all about you will be beauty.
There is a way out of every dark mist,
over a rainbow trail.
-Navajo Song |
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THE FIRST SPARROW OF SPRING!
THE YEAR BEGINNNG WITH YONGER HOPE THAT EVER!
-Henry David Thoreau
(1817-1862) |
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This slave is deeply humbled and thankful for all of you who have shown sincere concern for my well-being. What a privilege to have such wonderful friends! And while i am still struggling to deal with my issues, i should be around more often than i was. *Soft warm smile* |
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Due to current health issues and other real life circumstances beyond it's control, it's entirely possible that this slave will not be online for a while.
Peace, happiness, and love to all! |
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I believe...
I believe in the eternal importance of the home as the fundamental institution of society.
I believe in the immeasurable possibilites of every boy and girl.
I believe in the imagination, the trust, the hopes and ideals which dwell in the hearts of all children.
I believe in the beauty of nature, of art, of books, and of friendship.
I believe in the satisfactions of duty.
I believe in the little homely joys of everyday life....
-Ozora Davis (1866-1931)
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Quote from Anais Nin
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to
live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me,
always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work,
his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind
working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a
woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being
told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of
doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a
male at his time, his bidding."
~~A very special thank you to SirEndipity for sharing this quote with me. *Smiles* |
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*Soft warm smile*
Happy, happy, HAPPY holidays everyone! |
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You never really lose until you quit trying.
-Mike Ditea
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No one is honored for what they've received.
Honor is the reward for what has been given.
-Unknown |
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Through motivation, consistency is established.
Through consistency, habits are formed.
Through habits goals are accomplished.
By reaching one's goals, motivation is achieved.
-enchanted soul 11/05/2008
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You can transcend all negativity
when you realize that the only power
it has over you is your belief in it.
As you experience this truth
about yourself you are set free.
-Eileen Caddy |
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Let your
true self shine!
Ever tried to be
someone you're not?
Kept your thoughts
and feelings
under wraps?
Downplayed
your dreams?
Continued on a path
that just didn't
feel right? That's not
the route to success.
Being yourself is.
Nothing sparkles
brighter than the
real you.
Follow your star! |
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"A wise man knows he knows nothing."
-Socrates |
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You can do anything you set your mind to. What do you hope your future holds? You can live it. Where do you wish life would take you? You can get there. Because you've got a foolproof compass: your heart. And you've got a never-ending supply of fuel: your dreams! So start the journey. Great things are ahead! |
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Motivation - what gets you started.
Habit - what keeps you going. |
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Know what makes you happy and sad and steer your life in the direction you choose instead of being blown about by everyone else. Break the mold. Create your future on purpose, not by default! - Connie |
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WISDOM OF THE SOUL
* No one can ruin your day without your permission.
* Success is getting up one more time.
* Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
* You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.
* Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints. |
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Do not depend on others...
Your success must depend upon your own individual exertions. Trust not to the assistance of friends; but learn that every man must be the architect of his own fortune.
-P.T. Barnum, 1852 |
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You
have so much
to look
forward to!
Adventures,
accomplishments
and unexpected
opportunities.
Happy surprises and
precious moments.
And more love,
lots of laughs and
too many blessing
to count. So whenever
you feel stuck in a rut.
remember: Life has
good things in store
for you. Enjoy! |
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*my* word of the month for March.... "Fortune".
"Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
-Mark Twain
"One of the sanest, surest and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others."
-Robert A. Heinlein
"Every individual is the architect of his own fortune.
-Appius Claudius
"I'm not after fame and success and fortune and power. It's mostly that I want to have a good job and have good friends; that's the good stuff in life.
-Drew Barrymore
*Smiles warmly* This slave is blessed with fortune. Every time i witness someone smile, laugh, hug, kiss, love, being kind to another, showing compassion, or helping another in some way, i feel very deeply happy. Therein lies my fortune. |
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'The secret of health and happiness for both body and mind is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely.’ |
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- - Quote from Buddha | |
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*Sincere heartfelt smile* A very special thank you to *everyone* for all of your complimentary comments about my journal and my profile! While words alone don't seem to do justice to what i feel and think, i find it best to simply express my feelings in words that come from my heart.
i firmly believe in *all* that i say here even with the inspirational quotes i post that aren't my own. Apparently some of this positive influence is contagious. *Smiles warmly* Woo-hoo! Please continue to share this wonderful happy feeling with others you care about and help to brighten another's day! |
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The secret of making something work in your life is, first of all, the deep desire to make it work:
Then the faith and belief that it can work:
Then to hold that clear definite vision in your
consciousness and see it working out step by step, without one thought of doubt or disbelief.
-Eileen Caddy |
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*Soft wry smile* i do believe it's time to watch "The Princess Bride" once more..... |
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*my* word of the month....
"Determination"
i had the wonderful pleasure of observing this just yesterday. my Dad, my son and i went fishing. We were blessed with a gorgeous day full of sunshine, but bitter, cold, biting wind. And the wind was the *only* thing that was biting. my son stood there fishing for 2 solid hours non stop without so much as a nibble on his pole. He flat refused to give up. He just kept on fishing....reeling in his rod...recasting...and then doing it all over again. No, he may not have actually caught a fish, but what he *did* do was not only learn how to properly cast his line, but he also spent some excellent quality time with his Grandpa and me! *Beams* Don't ya just love it when ya feel all warm and fuzzy inside? |
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Quote of the day....
You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life - so that if it were over tomorrow, you'd be content with yourself.
-Jane Seymour |
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Quote of the day....
"Do not follow...
DO NOT FOLLOW
WHERE THE PATH MAY LEAD.
GO, INSTEAD,
WHERE THERE IS NO PATH
AND LEAVE A TRAIL."
-Author Unknown
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The quote of the day.....
"I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
-Age 7
*Chuckles*
This quote was chosen by my son from
"Live and Learn and Pass It On"
-Written and compiled by H.Jackson Brown, Jr.
Yep! That sounds like something my son would say. *Wink* |
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Quote of the day......
"Do what you believe in and believe in what you do. All else is a waste of energy and time.
- Nisargadatta |
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*my* word of the month.... "optimism"
May these words of wisdom inspire not only myself, but those of you who read them as well.
"If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present."
-Rabindranath Tagore
"An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
-Winston Churchill
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."
-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"It doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself."
-Lucille Ball
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement."
-Hellen Keller
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You know how people always ask you what you received for Christmas and/or what was the best present?
.....Well, hands down and without any doubt whatsoever, the very BEST present *i* received this holiday season is a
very personal and very special
"Kiss"
...and it didn't even require Mistletoe.
Thank You, Sir!!!!! |
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*Sincere, happy, heart-warming smile* When you take a moment to pause and give thanks...REALLY give thanks, it's amazing the things you find you are thankful for.
Just a few of the things my children wrote down *they* are thankful for every single day....
Toothbrushes
Teeth
Braces
Snow
Butter
Their pet(s)
Indians
Pilgrims
Water
Rain
The Universe
God!
The ability to walk
Easter Bunny
Tooth Fairy
Santa Claus
Vacuum Cleaners
Sunlight
Moon
Stars
Life
Pictures
Blue jeans
Spiderman
...and so many other things
Of course there were the standard answers of family, friends, food and such. But to give such detailed things that many of us overlook makes me that much prouder of them! *Grins all proud like* Woo-Hoo! i have the best kids EVER! |
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RAIN!!! Glorious Rain!!! Woo-hoo!!! Beautiful, eye popping colorful leaves!!! Clean, crisp autumn air!!! Pumpkins, hot tea, hayrides, and Halloween!!! The elated smile on my son's face as he models his homemade Darth Vader costume!!! Being all kinds of nervous and proud because my daughter just passed her test and now has her "Learner's Permit" to drive!!! A Mentor who cares about the woman within this slave!!! SQUEE!!! Dang! i'm just all kinds of happy! Can ya tell? *Wink*
*Does the happy slave dance* |
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And for those of you who are regular readers, a few more quotes, but from a different source this time. *Wink*
These quotes come from a book titled "Live and Learn and Pass It On" , a wonderful book of quotes from people ages 5 to 95 who share what they've discovered about life, love, and other good stuff.
Last night as a read a few of these, i nearly rolled over double with laughter and just had to share a few. And of course some of them hit home quite hard.
"I've learned that every great achievement was once considered impossible." -Age 47
"I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something." -Age 46
"I've learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more." -Age 6
"I've learned that couples without children always know just how you should raise yours." -Age 29
"I've learned that the great challenge of life is to decide what's important and to disregard everything else." -Age 51
"I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up." -Age 13
"I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do." -Age 68
"I've learned that you should never be too busy to say 'please' and 'thankyou'." -Age 36
"I've learned that trust is the single most important factor in both personal and professional relationships." Age 42
"I've learned that you can be in love with four girls at the same time." Age 9
"I've learned that after age 50 you get furniture disease. That's when your chest falls into your drawers." Age 53
That's all for now folks. Enjoy! |
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*Does the happy and proud slave dance* Despite some extremely stressful obstacles, i've remained smoke free for 9, yes 9! straight weeks now! Go me!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!! |
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Wisdom means keeping a sense of the fallibility of all our views and opinions, and of the uncertainty and instability of the things we most count on.
-Gerard Brown |
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"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time."
Anna Freud (1895-1982) |
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"You can transcend all negativity when you realize that the only power it has over you is your belief in it. As you experience this truth about yourself you are set free"
Eileen Caddy
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"You will never be happy with what you want if you are not happy with what you have."
-Unknown |
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Important! -Please take the time to read the information on "red flags" below!
Internet Red Flags and Dating Tips for Kinky People
"Red flag" is a term to describe a personal trait or behavior that is common in people who are harmful to their partners.
When getting to know someone online it is very important that you look for these red flags. When you see these red flags slow down or stop the relationship.
Understand that none of these red flags alone are definitely a sign of a bad person. They only tend to be an indicator of a problem situation.
The more you see these red flags, the more you are at risk. Many of these red flags can apply to both unhealthy Doms and subs. These recommendations are to help you avoid getting into an abusive relationship.
If you think you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please contact SOMEBODY!
Red Flags:
Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community?
Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.
Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
Is inconsistent with details about themselves. Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.
Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
Consistently breaks promises.
Always finds excuses for not meeting.
Always puts blame on others for things going wrong.
Does not take personal responsibility.
Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts. ?
Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast. ?
Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a "True" sub.
Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame.
Puts you down in front of other people.
Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.
Lies or withholds information.
Cheats on you or is overly jealous.
Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. Belittles your ideas.
Blames you for your hurt feelings.
Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.
Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.
Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.
Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.
Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing.
Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.
Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.
Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone.
Safe Dating and Correspondence Tips
Before meeting:
Do not give out personal information to strangers. This includes your name, phone number, address, place of work or email addresses you use for other purposes.
Get a P.O. Box if you need to get mail from them. (Be aware that in the UK, it is possible to ask the Royal Mail for the details of the holder of the P.O. Box)
Do not send money to your online interest. There are online users that earn a living by faking love and pretending to run into hard times. When you do make telephone calls, make sure your phone blocks caller ID or call from a public phone. Do not call collect.
Your number will appear on their bill.
Exchange multiple recent nonsexual photographs to avoid embarrassment and hurt feelings.
Get a background check before meeting. There are several services that will do this through the Internet.
Make it clear you are not going to engage in any BDSM activity on the initial dates.
During the meeting:
Meet in public places, preferably with a friend. Do not let your date pressure you into going somewhere else even if the date is going fine.
Try to make your first date a daytime event.
Drive yourself to and from the meeting place. Relying on them for transportation can put you in an unsafe position.
Establish a safety net complete with safe calls and details on your date.
Tell your safety net your date's information, where you went and what to do in case you do not make your safe calls. Make sure your date knows you have a safety net set up. It is a great deterrent.
Bring along a cell phone on your date and do not become separated from it.
Do not drink alcohol on your date or leave your drink unattended.
Never engage in bondage during your initial BDSM sessions.
Do not leave your wallet or purse unattended. Your date may dig through them to find out information you do not want them to know.
If you are traveling to the meeting, do not let them meet you at the airport or bus station. Use cabs or rental cars for going to and from the public meeting place. Do not stay with them or let them make arrangements for you. Do not let them know where you are staying.
Be aware that safe words, safe calls, contracts, negotiations or gut instincts will NOT fully protect you from a real criminal. Take your time and be sure what you are getting into. Criminals have less patience for difficult targets. |
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“The respect you earn is no lesser or greater than your own self-respect. Therefore, respect yourself and the world will respect you." |
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-Author Unknown | |
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"The wind may blow from any direction, but the direction in which you go depends on how you set your sails." |
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- Author unknown | |
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*Smiles* Sincere happiness overflows from within at the actual twinkling of my children's eyes.
*Does the happy slave dance*
Woo-hoo! i have successfully quit smoking!! |
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Ah, life is good. While there are many things that demand my attention on a daily basis, I think perhaps the most important ones are the ones that make me the happiest. *Big happy smile* |
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Needle Play 101
by Elianne 2002
Ten Basic BDSM Principles:
1) BDSM play should be safe, sane and consensual.
2) Know your SM player(s). Do not have BDSM play with strangers.
3) Always inform a friend that you are having BDSM play: where, when and with whom.
4) Always use safe words, i.e., 911 or red (STOP), yellow (slow down) and/or safe gestures (tap foot three times).
5) Negotiate the scene before you start. Communicate your limits, medical conditions, medications, experience and desires.
6) "No limits" is fantasy. Every sane player has limits. Do not be embarrassed to express them to the dominant player(s).
7) Do not have BDSM play while intoxicated or seriously stoned.
8) Expect the unexpected (fire, power failure, medical emergency, etc.) and be prepared. Another person's life is in your hands.
9) Always have a first aid kit nearby.
10) Don't play with a woman/man unless you feel absolutely safe!
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Ten Basic Temporary Piercing Principles:
1) Do not attempt to temporarily pierce a person without proper training and education.
Also, have everything you need set up BEFORE you start. Once you are sterile and gloved, and your bottom flying on endorphines, you do not want to have to stop the scene because you just realized you were out of something or can't find something. Hypodermic needles can be purchased online or at Veterinarian supply stores. I do not recommend the latter, as those needles are made to go through hide and are less sharp.
2) The piercer(s) should always wear latex or vinyl exam gloves and change them frequently. Always wear new gloves for each person pierced in a group scene to avoid cross-infection. Some have latex allergies. Vinyl gloves are more expensive, but have excellent quality without the powdery gunk. Be safe, double-glove. Learn how to remove the gloves without touching the bloodied outside of the gloves. Blood bourne pathogens are numerous and will result in discomfort at best, death at worst. Remember: You are most likely to contaminate the Top, the bottom is giving blood, not receiving it.
3) Use antibacterial soap to prepare the skin before play, and use antiseptics immediately before and after piercing. Wash yoru hands for as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday.
4) Always use brand new sterile needles, usually 18-25 gauge, one inch or longer is recommended. I'd go with 1.5 inches if you are doing 22 gauge. For beginners, 22 gauge is a good start. 18 gets to be quite alot larger.
5) All the bio-hazardous waste (needles, gloves, swabs or alcohol preps) should be disposed of in a biohazard container.
6) Prep the area to be pierced with alcohol and (clear) betadine or Iodine. Remove the iodine with iodine removal pads. Make sure the "victim" is comfortable and ready. I would recommend telling the bottom to take a deep breath right before inserting the needle, and then slowly releasing it as you pierce through.
7) The needle should travel just underneath the surface (the subcutaneous layers) of ordinary skin, to emerge through the skin a short distance from where it was inserted. Be cautious of shallow piercings if they are intended to stay in. They can easily be ripped out and tear the skin.
8) Don't pierce wrists, hands, internal organs, bones, eyes or the spine. Avoid the armpit, sternum and areas with many veins.
9) Check-in with the masochist often. Is she/he faint, going pale or shaking? These are common reactions to the flood of hormones and neurotransmitters circulating throughout the body. Have water, a first aid kit and blankets nearby. Never pierce somebody alone. If you both pass out, what then?
10) Aspirin and alcohol enhances bleeding and should be avoided if blood flow is not desired
11) You can glue feathers to your hypodermic needles inside the plastic cap on top if you wish to make pretty patterns, such as angel wings, eagle wings etc. Negotiate the patterns and number of needles ahead of time.
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AFTERCARE.
You need after care for:
Scenes that are demanding and intense
Scenes that involve new partners or new techniques
Scenes that involve punishment, humiliation, or intimations of nonconsensual
Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm, or emotional release
Scenes that have been interrupted by an accident, injury, fainting, or unseemly act of God
Scenes that have "gone bad", resulting in anger, or upset, or ending with a safe word (both top and bottom may well need/appreciate some reassurance if this happens)
Aftercare for needle-play should include monitoring the bottom for signs of shock, emotional reactions etc. Some times reactions set in long after the needle-play itself is over. Sometimes after-care can repair a scene gone wrong, or help both parties process their feelings about what just occurred. Do not use this time to negotiate, just be there with each other and come down from the high. The bonding that happens during after-care can open up more closeness and trust to allow your BDSM relationship to deepen and feel meaningful on a spiritual level as well. |
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WHAT ARE RED FLAGS?
http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/ravenredflags.htm
A red flag is an internal warning that something is not right here. These are the words many in BDSM use to describe a feeling that something is wrong, or a thought that something isn't right here. Red flags vary from person to person, though there are some which seem to be believed by the majority of people in my experience. For many, the term applies to warning signals of an abusive person.
A red flag should be something that you feel is not right for you. If you hate the idea of golden showers and a person insists on them, then you should experience a "red flag" or feeling of something isn't right here. Some of the general red flags are as follows.
A person refuses to give personal information about themselves yet insists on meeting you anyway. This should raise a red flag because it could signify someone that is not honest, and could potentially be dangerous.
A person stating that they will do absolutely anything you want even without ever having seen your face. This could be a person that has a self esteem or other psychological/emotional problem that prevents them from protecting themselves and could lead to false accusations of abuse or rape.
A person refusing to give their marital status before a meeting could be someone that is cheating on their spouse or otherwise dishonest.
A person that insists a safe word is not necessary under any circumstances should raise a red flag. A safe word, specially in new relationships, is an important thing to have.
A person that refuses to allow you a safe call should raise a red flag. This person is ignoring your safety and could very well be dangerous.
A person who insists that a scene must take place on an initial meeting could be someone that is only interested in sex, and possibly dangerous.
Using your common sense is your best defense against finding yourself in trouble. If you feel or have "red flags" going off about a person, do not meet them until those red flags have been addressed to your satisfaction. They may be nothing more than personal fears, or they could very well signify a real dangerous person. Red Flags come from your instincts, trust them. |
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The RebelGent's World of BDSM
Could You Be ... a Wannabe?
One of the areas of greatest concern to submissives is attempting to determine whether a Dominant who approaches them is real. These are some of the hints I offer for their consideration in determining how "real" a potential Dominant might be.
I suggest that you, as a potential new Dominant, review this list with an honest self-examination in mind. If you see yourself even slightly described in any of these characteristics, you owe it to yourself, and to your potential future submissive, to analyze what causes you to maintain these characteristics.
Please note that none of the following characteristics refer to individual choices of "kink" or styles of play. These refer, all of them, strictly to the characteristics, personality traits, that I consider imperative in a Dominant personality.
You are a Wannabe if . . .
* You demand to be addressed as "Sir" as a supposed sign of "respect" by any submissive, before even investing a modicum of time in getting to know the submissive. As a Dominant, you have no rights over submissives in general, "just because" you are a Dom.. If you feel the need to have to demand an exhibition of respect from all who approach you, you may want to review the source of your own self-esteem and self-confidence.
* If you feel it is imperative that a potential submissive receive information from no one but you regarding the varieties and aspects of this spectrum, you may want to focus on the reasons for not feeling that you are equal to outside comparisons.
* If you feel that you have no responsibility for expressing your needs, wants, and desires as honestly, clearly, and directly as possible to a potential submissive, could it be that you have not put in the necessary time required to know yourself and your own needs well enough?
* If you "insist" on hearing what a potential submissive's needs and desires are first with a view of adjusting your needs and desires to match hers, you may require a re-thinking of the essence of Dominance and the measure of your own need.
* If you feel a need to "rush" into a relationship, and get an immediate commitment of any sort from a submissive whom you have barely gotten to know as a person, it would be advisable for you to determine why you require an immediate commitment. Keep in mind, it is just as important for the submissive to know you both as a man and as a Dominant as it is for you to know her both as a woman and as a submissive before making a commitment to you.
* Insisting that the submissive travel to you at the time of your initial meeting as "proof" of her commitment to you may sound great in your fantasies, but in the realities of this life it may well exhibit a measure of disregard for the emotional comfort and physical well-being of your potential submissive. Is she not worth the effort of your going to her, meeting her on her own home turf, and maintaining a comfortable and familiar atmosphere in which you and she can come to know each other better?
* If you, as the Dominant, exhibit jealousy or feel "hurt" by inconsequential actions of your submissive, for example, her speaking with other Dominants or even "flirting" with other Dominants, you are allowing insecurities in both yourself and in your potential relationship. Keep in mind those insecurities may prove quite as detrimental to a budding relationship as they would be to an established relationship.
* If you feel that a submissive, any submissive, must obey your every "command", then you lack a fundamental understanding of Dominance. No submissive owes you immediate obedience just because she is submissive. Nor, for that matter, is blind, immediate "obedience" to all and sundry an indicator of a "level" submission, i.e., whether the submissive is "submissive enough".
* Your view of a "Dominant" character may include maintaining an aspect of stoicism ... trying to be the "strong, silent type". This characteristic may seem on the surface as indicating solidity and strength, but if carried too far, it may become a very real barrier in establishing the free and easy flow of communication that is essential to this type of relationship. If it requires an immense, constant effort on your potential submissive's part to "drag" information from you about yourself, your past, your requirements and needs, you may be in the process of establishing future blocks to communication. If your submissive feels that it will be a production to get any type of answer from you, will she be able to establish towards you the level of trust and openness you will require? Keep in mind, always, the fundamentals of this type of relationship must be a two way street.
* One of the most common misconceptions of new Dominants is the thinking that a submissive does not "have the right" to question a potential Master. Communication and trust are the most important building blocks that will uphold your relationship. Prohibiting even a potential submissive from questioning you as a man and as Dominant will only establish strong barriers to possible trust. Questions from each side of the developing partnership are the only concrete manner for both potential partners to get to know each other as people. Exhibiting a desire for "secrecy", even under the vanilla guise of maintaining that so-called "mystery" does not apply in the process of establishing a potential relationship.
Or . . . Are You a Dominant?
In contrast to the possibly "negative" view of a potential new Dominant above, I offer the following as what I consider to be fundamental characteristics of a Dominant. It is important to remember that the characteristics of the Dominant are based in, and created by the characteristics of the man.
* A Dominant is one who has the understanding that he is not perfect (nope, sorry fellas, we're not). A Dominant has taken the time to accept his flaws as an individual, has come to terms with them, and determined how best to control and deal with them effectively.
* A Dominant has come to realize that "proof" of his Dominance does not come from the person who calls him "Master", but rather from within himself, by dint of his personality, his ethics, standards, and values, combined with his particular needs within this spectrum.
* A Dominant has realized that he has the responsibility to himself to inform himself as thoroughly as possible regarding the wide ranging aspects of the BDSM spectrum. He will have taken the time to consider for himself what his own needs are within each aspect and will be fully capable of clearly articulating those needs to a potential submissive.
* Life experience will have taught him the importance of trust and respect in any relationship, and he will have come to recognize that a woman will only be able to submit to a man with character, making him worthy of her trust and respect.
* A Dominant man will understand and accept that before expecting a submissive to give over control of herself and her life, he must first have complete control over himself, and his life.
* Even though it is somewhat a given in some circles of the BDSM spectrum that a Master is free to have a multiplicity of sub/slaves, understand that most women wish for an exclusive relationship where she is exclusive to her Master, as he is to her. If the original commitment with your sub/slave calls for exclusivity from you both, you have the responsibility as a Dominant to be up front, direct, and honest should you decide to include others in your relationship on any level. Realize that taking responsibility for honesty in your needs makes you stronger as a Dominant, not weaker.
* Understand the value of character in the most "old-fashioned" sense, if you will. Understand, and take responsibility for the fact that you must have within your character and your actions the "proof" of your worthiness of the submissive's trust and respect.
* Understand that the value of your submissive will not only be based in the level of her submissiveness to you, but also in herself, as an individual: the whole person. She will be intelligent, have a mind of her own and will be eager to use all her abilities to your mutual advantage, if the environment is conducive to such.
* As a Dominant Man, you understand that being Dominant is merely who and what you are. Your Dominance is such that it need not be constantly and actively "demonstrated", but because it comes from within, your Dominance will be readily apparent through your self-control and your responsible actions.
* A Dominant man will understand that words such as integrity, character, honesty, fairness and consistency represent concepts that are apparent throughout all areas of a Dominant's life. They are not mere words to be used and applied selectively when they may be to your advantage. Not only are those words representative of the character of a man, they are hallmarks of the character of a Dominant man, and imperative in one who would be called a Master.ttp://members.aol.com/RebelGent/rgpg3.html
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| Age: 20 |
| Atlanta,
Georgia |
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