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1/28/2010 7:08:05 PM

Wow. It has been over a year since my last entry. And my last entry seems so ironic now. I let go and I am suffering the consequences now.

12/18/2008 8:07:13 PM

I'm sorry for those I haven't gotten back to in a timely manner. Too much going on and lacking focus with all of it. And I fear that has been the case in my personal relationships as well. As far as a new relationship (one romantic in nature) I wonder if I am able to let go enough for that to happen. If there is someone with whom I connect, will it wake up some part of me that is dormant? Is there someone to remind me what it is like to really be connected? Or am I guarded and not allowing myself to feel connected? I fear I might need to connect with myself a little better to really know what is going on...I also fear that is the one person I least want to be connected with right now. sigh...

11/14/2008 9:14:07 PM

Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

(All of this sight,
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me)
I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.
(Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here.
There must be something more).
Bring me to life.

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside.
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone.
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie. There's nothing inside)
Bring me to life......-Evanescence - Wake Me Up Inside lyrics

8/14/2008 1:34:15 PM

Another birthday on the horizon. Are you serious? (raises one eyebrow) It is a little more than a month away so I shouldn't be aware of it, although I have noticed coupons with later expiration dates. Time marches on I suppose. At this age, I guess I should be regretting that "I am not where I want to be by this age" or "I haven't accomplished what I thought I would by now", but I'm not. This isn't because I have accomplished that much, I just never had a long list of things to do before I die. Geez..maybe I should get on that. Others are upset they haven't accomplished what they have on thier list and I haven't even started the list!

Seriously, I have had some wonderful experiences with no map thus far. I'm happy to go with the flow and have been lucky enough to be included in other's adventures. So here is the quandary, do I search for what it is I want or do I continue to accept and enjoy that which is in front of me? hmmmm

7/27/2008 10:44:51 PM

Why is it that all men who are outstanding in philosophy, poetry or the arts are melancholic...?" - Aristotle...............

The goal of spiritual practice is full recovery and the only thing you need to recover from is a fractured sense of self.
-Marianne Williamson................

Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts, they serve for sweet relieving, when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.