I lost someone this week.  No we weren't close lately.  We used to be.  Our relationship was never defined, it was loosely maintained, but we popped in and out of each other's lives over the period of several years.  He was my first introduction to bdsm and the only D type that I could truly call a close friend at any point.   He is the only one who ever took me to that amazing place that every sub reaches for, and when I used to write, I wrote about our times together.  Those are still some of my favorites to look back on. 

He was also there to cradle me in his arms and comfort me when a scene with someone else went really bad.  He was there to help me figure out what I was and wanted without pressing himself on me, so that I would be safe in the future and make better choices about who I interacted with.  He served as my protector for a while, when I was feeling vulnerable but didn't know if I wanted to step back from the scene at that point. 

He never made me feel like a burden.  He helped me in my kink life and he helped me equally in my vanilla life. 

I knew he was sick but he didn't let on how bad it was. I found out on the book of faces.  He is gone now, and I wish I could have been there for him, but he didn't want anyone to know the extent of his illness.  That was his way.

Goodbye SkyMaster.  You will always be loved, you will always be appreciated.  I have nothing but warmth in my heart and in my soul for you.  I can say that about VERY FEW people in my life.  You will always be missed.

It occurs to me that I have a bad habit of leaving my computer logged in to CS and walking away from my computer for hours at a time, sometimes even leaving for the day when I am logged on.  So it may seem like i am on here all day and even all night. Really I'm not.  But I can see how it may seem like that.   

I found it soothing last night to rant and rave about an asshat in my profile journal.  So I think that I will start using it as a place to blow off steam.  It may make me sound like an angry witch, but if that is just here and not in real life, I'm good with that.

Dude messaging me giving me clues designed to make me think he has figured out where I live. 

NOT COOL, ASSHAT.

This calls for some wining.  And no, that is not a typo.

The Sandman on Netflix...just gotten into it and it seems really intereseting, appealing to my proclivities for fantasy and supernatural horror.  Anyone else seen it?

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

Why, I do believe that I have been ghosted. 

“New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” – Mark Twain

Mark Twain had a naughty side, lol.

Merry Christmas to all, and a kinky new year to each and every one!

LOL, if you have to announce to the world that YOUAREATRUEMASTER, well, you are no true master.  

Saw something on here today that was a HUGE RED FLAG for me.

Some guy checked me out, so I in turn checked him out, and saw that he was using a picture of a former sub or playmate or whatever on his profile, face and all. 

I gotta ask, does she know that you are using her picture, showing her ladybits and her face on a bdsm site for all to see? 

How many women are having their privacy violated because a guy thinks the best way to advertise himself on here or other sites is to show pics of women, identifying chracteristics and all? 

Frst of all, is that all you got?  You can't make your own profile attractive on your own?  You have to resort to pcitures of other people?

Second of all, how do I know that if I played with a guy who does this to other women, that he wouldn't do it to me also? 

I am not the only one that thinks this way.  Check out the questions about this on discussion boards on Fet.  Lots of women say/think the same thing.

HUGE red flag.  HUGE.

Santa named a reindeer Vixen.

Ponder on that awhile.

Dumbass me edited my profile (which requires approval every time) while carrying on conversations in my dms.  It was too late before I realized that I couldn't answer ANY messages until my new profile was approved.  So now I have people that I was enjoying talking to thinking I wasn't interested because I can't respond untiil my profile is approved.  SO SORRY!

A guy sent me a stupid email that I really wanted to respond wth "Fuck You".  But I didn't, I was uncharacteristically polite.

The verification string to send the email was "FU".

It was a sign.

I had no choice after that.

I'm sorry, but when the verification string to respond to your email is longer than your actual email, its really not worth replying. 

I said what I said.

So the forums are back, but there is some kind of glitch that new members can't post.  Support says they are aware.  Hope they get it fixed as that is one of the reasons that I came back on here.  But who knows, they may not become very active again.  So for now I am just hanging out and seeing what turns up.

Read a profile tonight.  The dumbnant said that he is looking for someone he can tell "what a piece of shit she is even in front of others even her family".

What ever happened to "don't scare the nillas"?

Vanilla people didn't consent to be a part of your dynamic.

Even other kinksters didn't consent.

Who are you to do what we do in front of non-consenting people, especially if it can have consequences for your partner outside of bdsm circles?

That just screams to me of someone who is an abuser, not a dom.

Prove me wrong.

For some reason, won't let me spell d-u-m-b-i-n-a-n-t right ..

From a journal I read today - "hopefully gets fucked multiple times a day and receives double anal daily".

WTF is double anal?

I mean, we all only have one anus, so...

Oh, I knew something was missing from my life when I left here.

The journals, OMFG.  I hadforgotten about the sort of stuff that people write about on here. 

The extreme fantasies that people write about as if they are reality...

I guess we all need our outlets, but jeebuz these people better hope their fantasies really never come true.

Nothing like a nice dinner with someone special -  not a partner but someone who is still special to you in their own way.  Good food, good wine, great conversation.  Makes a person feel special.  Would appreciate that kind of night more.

So something new, at least new to me - afer posting my last jouranl, I got an email from support telling me that I should report abusive messages.  All the time I was on here before, and getting abusive messages, no one ever paid attention to that.  So there have been some changes recently, and this is a welcome one!

Some things never change...most of the men that have contected me on here these past few days have been civil, but there is always that one who has to ruin it for the others and make me sorry that I answered the message with a polite "thank you, but I'm not interested".  Talk about butthurt. 

Men, when you wonder why you don't get responses, blame other men.  The abuse they heap on women who do respond makes it not worth the effort to do so.  Especially when they make threats.  Women are safer just not responding at all.

So the forums are back up, we'll see how long that lasts.  I deleted my old profile after they disappeared, but when I rejoined today I was able to get my old username.  So I am back, just to see how things are.  Maybe even start writing again.  I wrote in my journal regularly before, even had a few followers.  I was known for my bitchy honesty.  We'll see if I am still that way or if I have settled down some in my older age.