I just unhid my profile for the first time in a few years the other day. Tonight, I noticed how out of date it was. So, I changed some of the obvious things and added a recent picture. I'll probably need to comb through it for any other changes that happened while I was asleep.

And here I thought it was only males…

Some chick, listed as a dominant, emailed me saying that I seem like a fun person. Ok. Yeah, whatever I am fun…or can be. So then, after a few emails, gives me her yahoo information. I told her that I didn't know what we would have in common but I'm usually ok with talking to people, so whatever.

So, today on yahoo she messages me and asks what we've "discussed." I'm thinking she was confused because she said she was into cbt and other things which I have no interest in. It was very strange. Then she asked, “do you like eating women ??” I really think someone is confused and it’s not just me. My reply? “I'm a top and not bi.” She got all bent out of shape and said, “then why the fuck waste my time ??” Whatever chicky-poo - you messaged me.

That’s such a guy thing to do though, message someone without reading any of the information. I just wasn’t expecting it from a girl. I guess I hold double standards I didn’t know I held. I made assumptions based on her gender that I probably shouldn’t have done. I assumed that 1) she had looked past my picture, 2) she could read, and 3) processed that I wouldn’t be into or interested in anything she had to offer outside of friendship. C’est la vie.

In response to a recent email on finding play partners and levels of protocol:

Aftercare is such an important part of play no matter what the intensity. Some people require more aftercare than others. Often it depends on the type of play to the amount of aftercare needed.

I just don’t understand those people who claim that aftercare is not needed or important. Why would you play with someone who you don’t care enough about to at least give minimal aftercare? To not give aftercare sometimes leaves people alone and confused. I see it as something reassuring to both people as well as a way to help strengthen the bond between the people. It’s another way to say, “I really do care for you.”

I know for me, I don’t like to play with people unless I’m at least willing do that. There have been perfectly good players who I have turned down because I didn’t feel the closeness I needed to provide adequately after play. If you can be so intimate with a person as to play with them then it’s the least you can do.

With my current play partner, I crave the aftercare. We can have a light scene and I still am ready for aftercare when we’re done. I want to be close to him, even when we don’t play. I want to make sure everything is alright in his world. When he’s around I want to burry myself into the smell of him and the touch of his skin. When he’s not around I daydream about it.  

Like negotiation, I don’t think aftercare is an option. I am wary of people who say they have no limits. I am wary of people who say they won’t negotiate with a new partner. I am wary of anyone who says they do not do or do not need aftercare. These are things I need and I can’t imagine playing with anyone so far removed from themselves that they would not need them too.

I just wanted to restate the reminder that friendships are welcome. I do not mind additional friends in the scene but I am not looking to add any new play partners. I am flattered that people are so eager to get to know me with the hopes of playing with me; however, that is not what I am looking for. The play partner I have now is wonderful and I am quite satisfied with him. 

To start off, I'm in a little bit of a weird mood. Then, while online playing a bit of Hexxagon, I get a series of strange emails with a bunch of commas strewn about. So, I decided to journal about it.

When reading email, I really don't care if there are errors here and there. I just find it difficult to read something like, "i wud like to talk to u,,,ur prety,,,i can live with u 24 7 and eat u out,,,want to fuk me in but,." I find that difficult to even type, let alone read.

I know the rules are a little more complicated than I'm making them out to be, but I've put together some basics. *Refrains from getting out the Harbrace Handbook* I hope it alleviates some of the crazy emails I’ve been getting.

Note to anyone feeling the need to email me:

This is a comma ,
Commas go in the middle of sentences.
You only use one comma at a time. This, ",,,," looks stupid.

This is a period .
Periods go at the end of sentences. You can use two periods in a row if you are ending a sentence with an abbreviation. You can use three periods in a row if you are making use of an ellipse. An ellipse (...) is not a casual pause. You may need a comma for that.

So some guy sent me an email. That, in itself isn't all that unusual. When I went to reply to the email to tell him I wasn't interested in him or the type of play he proposed I got the message that that user has me blocked.

Curious I went back through my email archives to find that he had asked me the same thing quite some time ago. Apparently, I had already told him the same thing that I had attempted to reply today. His response to me however many months ago? "Fuck off." *giggle* Some people don't handle rejection well. 

It's really a shame though when people set themselves up for rejection. If I have something on my hard limit list, I DO NOT WANT TO EVEN HEAR ABOUT IT. Some people don't seem to get that. C'est la vie.

Wow! I have been completely bombarded by messages. I don't mind I just think it's odd. I wonder why there's such a sudden influx of email.

I usually try to respond to emails; however, I am a little behind on it as of right now. There is just a lot to read these last few days.

I am happy with whatever my current situation is. I am not looking to replace anyone or add anyone at this time. I don't mind chatting with people as friends or talking to people but I still do not do online play and do not expect me to change my mind on that. I still do not want to talk about anything I consider icky. This is mainly just my, “don't come to me with anything other than friendship on your mind,” journal post. I'll possibly post something with substance at a later date.

     This isn’t a rant about newbies but rather a rant about people who are irresponsible with them.

     Ugh! Why do some newbies like to pour out whatever happened to them? Yes, I know they’re excited. Yes, I know they “have no one to talk to.” But you know what? Whoever the fuck played with them should take care of them. They shouldn’t be toyed with then let lose on the general population w/o at least minimal aftercare. Someone should check on them to make sure they’re ok and not having issues about whatever happened to them.

     Usually they’re ok, just looking for someone to talk to, but sometimes they’re not. I want to know who the fuck out there is raping newbies then leaving them to their own internal conflicts. It’s irresponsible.

    That is one of the things I dislike about “private” or “bedroom” play. It’s outside the structure of a club or support group and people who don’t know what they’re doing go around and fuck people, who might have turned out to be good players, up. I don’t want the broken messes from someone’s failed experiment. I can’t think of anyone who does or would.  

The silliness that is collarme.com!
I think it's funny that when you click the "Hide User" button (which I use more than I care to admit to) it gives you the nice, bold, cheery message across the top of your screen, "USER HAS BEEN HIDDEN." But, it shows the freaking profile again. Like if you didn't just click the button because you didn't want to see them anymore.

I'm still not looking for anyone but do not mind chatting with various people. I still do not do online play.

Am I the only one who really likes the games? It's simple, but I could play Hexxagon for hours! And, sometimes I do.

    Online chat is nice and good but it’s no substitute for real life. I’m not saying I am looking to play every moment of every day; although, I would like to play maybe once or twice a week. I would like regular play with one person and not casual play with many people. It just doesn’t seem to be doable right now and that’s frustrating.

     What I want is a stable play (or other: friendship or whatever) relationship where I can get used to how one person moves and reacts and I don’t have to “try people out.” I don’t like not having that. I don’t like wondering, what’s coming up next or if they’re going to like this or that.

     I’m pretty picky about who I will play with and until recently, didn’t find most of the people in the pool anywhere near acceptable. Now, my interest has been peeked in a direction and there’s the wait. So I wait, and wait and there’s the idle chat that has grown boring and stale.

     I have to have the interaction, even if it’s vanilla interaction, on a regular basis or I question the interest of the other person. I don’t want to jump into things, but I would like a little more interaction.

     Also, I’m itching to experiment with some new (to me) rope techniques. I recently got some new rope and it’s been over a week and it’s only been used once. I was hoping to get to break it out again this weekend and modify what I did earlier. But it, yet again, looks like it’s not going to happen.  *pft*

Something I said in a chat convo I had today:

 I'd rather wrapped around my finger rather than under my thumb

I think that phrase describes a lot of what I like. I don't go for brats. I prefer someone who wants to do things with me rather than have to be made to do things with me. I like thinkers, feelers and communicators. I don't want to micromanage. (I can, but it's not my preference.)

I don't want to be the only voice of opinion. Sometimes, a healthy critique can help improve technique and tweak the play to the point where it is more enjoyable for both parties. I want to have an open dialogue and a good relationship with positive reinforcement over an abusive one with negative reinforcement. I want to grow together in a loving environment rather than just boss someone around. If I just wanted to boss people around I’d stay at work all day. ;)

I understand that some people really like the whole fantasy of online role play but I just don't get it. Did you ever read that story about the phone sex operator that turned out to be someone totally different? I guess that story ruins the whole illusion of online role play for me.

I sometimes think to myself, “Yeah, that might be fun.” Then, the thought of someone who I'd totally find gross pops into my head. That’s about when I totally put on the breaks and am a complete no go.

S'alright. I don't care that it's out there or that people do it. I just will not do it. Please don’t email me and “bow humbly” or “submissively” or whatever. I’m not into it.

Oh, while I'm actually updating my blog and all...I don't go for being called mistress or the like. It just reminds me of the person who runs whore houses and I'm not into whores. I don't even like them a little slutty. =) If you feel the need to call me something out of respect or whatever, Ma'am or Sir will work just fine but is not necessary.

Well, looks like I will be actively looking again sooner than I anticipated. I got lucky with my current play partner (I'm not looking to replace him, just talk to people and see who is out there before he moves away) in that he was pretty close to exactly what I wanted. I am concerned that will not be the case in the future, so I made a list of some of the general criteria I go through in my head when deciding if I want to consider someone.

General criteria:
-I prefer people closer to my own age (as most people do); however, do not mind (for public play only) people of generally any age. I am 29 and will be 30 this year so the age group that tends to catch my interest tends to be from 27 or so up to around 38.
-I do not go for pictures of genatalia and prefer "work safe" photographs. (This seems to need clarification because some people do not know the meaning of work safe. Head shots or photographs of you fully clothed with no fettish wear.)
-I prefer men to be taller than me. I’m only 5’5”, so that’s usually not that hard to do.
-I'm not looking to jump into things. I would rather talk things out and see if we're compatible at least as friends before deciding if I'd like to seriously play. (This does not always apply to public play.)
-That being said I would like my next play partner to be in addition to a LTR. I'm not picky about how that's done as long as it doesn't interfere with my regularly scheduled life. In other words: I would like a LTR and a play partner. If they happen to be the same person - good. If they don't happen to be the same person - I'm ok with that too.
-I like generally intelligent men. I'm not looking for someone who cannot compete with me in that department. If I feel like I'm over your head, I may feel that you're not worth my time. I usually prefer people who are educated, but the area of education is not as important to me.
-I like conversation - not all serious - but please be able to hold your own. If I can't communicate with you I will have trouble playing. I prefer to know what works and what doesn't work so having that avenue for feedback is very important.
-I'm tired of people looking to cheat on their wives. I do not mind if someone is married or has an SO. These people, I will not consider for an LTR but it does not mean you would possibly not make a suitable play partner. With married people and people with a SO, I do require to speak with and have open communication with the spouse or SO in order to make sure they are informed as to what is going on. I’m not looking to be someone’s mistress or “secret.”  If you feel that your wife or SO can’t handle knowing what’s going on (even generally), I don’t mind chatting from time and again but, I will not consider you as a play partner.
-I prefer someone in my general area. I like to travel, but am currently not in a position to do so. So, I would prefer someone within a reasonable distance from Dulles airport. If you don't know where that is - look it up on a map. =) Be the master of mapquest, google maps or whatever online map program you can find.

Alright, well, hopefully that helps narrow things down a little. If you are interested after reading my little list, feel free to drop me an e-mail. If you aren't interested but are up for chatting (not to be confused with online play), also feel free to drop me a e-mail.