THIS IS WHAT I WANT STOP ASKING learn to read!!!!

i want a relationship that is both vanilla  and bdsm i want passion, that makes me feel like i could catch fire from being touched by the man serving or dominating me either i don't care...i want to be wanted, needed and desired to the point that he feels like he needs me to breath....thats what i want

I was always told as a child if you fall get up brush off your knees and keep going. As and adult i hold onto this saying as a sign of strength for i stumble and fall i make mistakes and every time i do i brush off my knees i stand back up and i keep going. Its not how may times you fall that makes you strong, its the will and the determination to keep going to never quit. The drive and fortitude and down right stubbornness that says i will not be beaten. That makes me strong. My grandmother also told me be the one to bend. This too in itself is a character of a strong willed person. For like a tree when the wind howls i may bend and may bow to the forces of nature, or of others and i may appear to give; but i will never break. I am a fortress of strength built upon by years of being struck at mentally,physically and emotionally and yet still i stand. I will never fall, stumble or be struck down and not stand back up for i am a survivor and i am strong and will continue on brushing off my knees and trying again.

If you look at me you will not see me. You will never truly see me until you have looked into my eyes and down into the depths of my soul and pulled the deepest parts of me from the depths and asked me to show them too you. Are you willing to look ? Are you brave enough, strong enough to see me? My light, my dark everything that makes me the enigma of who i am as human being. Then and only then when you can breath me in and drink me down and you need me like your very next breath will you see me. Pull me close hold me to you feel me smell me touch me. But in the end you will never see me. For you see not with your eyes but with your heart and mind unless you love me unconditionally you can not see me; i will never let you, not fully. Why would i give you the privileged.

Wear your heart on your sleeve that way everyone that ever hurt you can see the scars they have left.  Don't be ashamed of them wear them like a badge of honor that you where brave enough to put yourself out there for them to hurt.  That you lived and loved, that you cared enough to let them in.  Wear you scars on your heart and your heart on your sleeve and live, laugh, and love as often as possible and don't be afraid.  Everyone will hurt you the question you need to ask yourself is which ones are worth hurting for?  Those are the ones we keep close as friends, family and loved ones.  Be brave enough to go once more into the fray we call life and get scarred up come back better than you were before wiser and maybe a little more willing to help someone who has been in your shoes.

In the kitchen listening to the radio and dancing and singing letting the music take over my body and move my soul like i normally do when i have the time.  Music moves my heart and soul like a wave crashing upon the shore the ebbs of the tide; its the way i wish a relationship would work.  The power of one person crashing over the other but they need each other the ocean crashing on the shore then retreating the push and pull of the tides...the beautiful dance of power.  I've yet to find such a dance partner.  No one to move me and crash over me drown me and then let me resurface renewed by the pounding i've been given. 

So after some time to myself i feel better and i am ready for friends and chat...not necessarily anything further but its a start.  Everything in a relationship starts with friendship even trust.  If this interest you feel free to message me as a friend.  I am not into casual encounters so this is why i say friends.  I enjoy like minded people and possible conversations on similar topics.

I believe i feel myself slipping becoming jaded by bad experiences.  I need to take a step back and re-evaluate what i want and need.  I need to be by myself for a while to work on myself.  Please continue to look but do not ask for meetings as i am not interested at this time.  I appreciate kind compliments but that is as far as it will go at this point.  I am just done with people not being who they say they are.

Dance watch me dance...can u? will you? The music flows through my body causing to move for you to watch.  Will you just watch as i gyrate on the floor as my body convulses to the music?  Or will you come dance with me let you hands flow over me ... i dare you...feel me...feel the music as it moves my body.

Lost 4 lbs this week and that makes 9 since Christmas   Only have 10 more to go to make my complete weight loss goal thank goodness!!  That is right harder for women to loose weight by far than men and on average 1-2 lbs per week is what is considered normal so if you are not even trying to improve upon yourself in some small way every day please don't bother me.  I am a raging bitch an i work hard everyday i will expect the same of you or more.  I am striving for damn near perfection and ill be damned if ill let some lazy piece of ass get in my way.  So unless you can keep up with the pace i believe you should just step aside and let someone else try.

If you look at me you will not see me.  You will never truly see me until you have looked into my eyes and down into the depths of my soul and pulled the deepest parts of me from the depths and asked me to show them too you.  Are you willing to look ?  Are you brave enough, strong enough to see me?  My light, my dark everything that makes me the enigma of who i am as human being.  Then and only then when you can breath me in and drink me down and you need me like your very next breath will you see me.  Pull me close hold me to you feel me smell me touch me.  But in the end you will never see me.  For you see not with your eyes but with your heart and mind unless you love me unconditionally you can not see me; i will never let you, not fully. Why would i give you the privileged.

If you are dom or sub and you don't have real acutal time to pay attention to me don't bother me.. I don't ask for money i don't ask for gifts...But i'll be dammed if you are not going to pay attention to me.  Its not that hard if you are Dom you should want to if you want to own me...you should want to make me feel owned, protected, this requires time and attenton.  If you are sub you should also have the ability to pay attention to me cause you want me to make you feel owned safe and protected maybe even train and discipline you.  It works the same in either direction.  You have to be williing to spend time with and put time into the person you are speaking with if you are serious.  I don't want people who are going to fuck around with me on the phone or the internet for a week and disappear.  So if this is you kindly look say hello then go fuck yourself cause you are wasting my time and yours an it happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves assholes.

went to the gym and got on the elepitcal machine and ran down all my weeks heartaches over the loss of my family and my slave and everything else that's happened.  Pounded it right into the fucking machine; at the end of it i broke down and cried on the fucking machine glad the gym was damn near empty and no one saw me but fuck it cause i went harder and further on the machine last night than i have in a month so it was worth it.

This morning i feel better and i have the radio on and i am shaking my ass around the kitchen i should be cleaning the kitchen but that has to be done in between songs during commercial breaks lol cause i think i am on dancing with starts or some shit hahah

My slave was fair and just in how he told me he had to leave me.  Don't anyone dare send me emails about him being anything else.  He had family obligations that prevent him from being with me that he has to attend to that i resepect him for!  Even now when he is not mine i will defend and rip into anyone that dare speak out against him to me... UNDERSTOOD!  HE WAS MINE ! NOT YOURS! and  I am the only one who is fit to be judge and jury on this matter.

Went to king richards Faire in the leather corsett then put it over the dress for witches cottilion (ball) leather all day :) and a witches broom riding crop gotta love it lol

hope everyone enjoys the new leather teddy pic i posted curtosey of my former slave he left them here so i took a pic and posted it...its very sexy and comfortable...to bad no one to wear it for... I have a french maid one in leather too hahaha....

So my bday came and went on the 4th and no dom was daring enought to spank me haha oh well.. I still had great bday sex with my friend and his 10 inch cock which i love cause it hurts just a little and he knows it lol.  So alone again i finally gave up on my slave he is to busy with personal issues and i am not being made to feel dominant or important so i let that go for now until he can choose otherwise and make me feel like the important part of his life i should be.

yep men so typically pathetic i make one comment on his inability to keep a timely schedule and my slave that im dating doesnt speak to me for 2 days.  Grow up please lets all be adults in the real world where women have opinions and are allowed to express them...even if you don't fucking like them..you discuss with us..u don't go sulk in the corner like a 2 year old and not answer your phone. 

okay soo sorry to disappoint all you males out there but i am dating/involved with my slave and i'm not looking for anyone else currently...unless you are a female i can domme in front of him as well :)......i have a male that makes me happy i am not going to compromise that so please feel free too look thank you for you compliments but...i am not interested in a male partner beyond my relationship.

finally found my perfect submissive male and i do mean perfect...and look at the new leather outfitt he brought me :) wasn't that kind of him...

he is and excellent pain slut...and beautiful when being fucked with the leather harness he also gifted me...what a wonderful man :)....

the best part is that outside the bedroom he is very masculine and dominant hmmmm....maybe i don't need a dominant male heheheh....

So i don't care what any one else thinks....I believe in fate/destiny call it what you will but i want to meet one of my possible soul mates and according to numerology which involves the study of the stars etc  these are the possible dates of birth i need to find  if you match message me i'd be interested to see where it leads :)

1/18, 2/16, 3/14 , 4/12 ,5/10 ,5/29 ,6/8 , 6/27 ,7/6 ,7/27 ,8/4 ,8/23 , 9/2 ,9/21 ,10/19 ,11/17 ,& 12/15

fucking finally i have a pc that works and i have a new yahoo id that is working thank god !!!!!

Tigerwitch79@yahoo.com

same for the Yahoo IM boys okay all you who have missed me I appoligze divorce is messy and now I'm single so kiss me :P