* I Apologize up front, this is definite a O Woe is Me rant.....i don't have them often. But today it did. You have been warned.! *

Im not one to doubt myself publicly. And I am not one to vocalize my self esteem issues. As a matter of fact I am haven't been one to have self esteem issues at all. I have always been comfortable with how I look. I have always thought of myself as a relatively pretty girl. Obviously not everyone's' prime choice but yet not the worst looking. I have been somewhat comfortable in my own skin, if my pictures havent given you a clue.

But over the last few years, I have changed. I know my body has changed. Pregnancy does that. But whats worse is the way I view myself. I seem to have the lost fondness I had for myself. I look in the mirror and I see someone that no one could take joy in, take pleasure in, find attractive or even be proud of. Its not easy for me. My confidence has gone down along with it.

Lately I have been trying to find the little things about myself that I enjoy. I like my eyes for instance. But is that enough to get moving in the right direction?

Most days I can just ignore the mirror. But the worst days are when I am feeling lonely and I miss having someone in my life that makes all these insecurities just disappear. I look at myself and I see all the imperfections that I know people notice. Im just the girl who had child and there fore im no longer someone who one might have considered sexy.

They say if you cant love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you in return? Well I do love myself. But for me sometimes that's just not enough.

As I write this I know that things are bound to change for the better, it just takes time. And someone will indeed come into my life and it will fabulous. I know I just need to take it day by day.

I am so much stronger this, I am more than this. I know it. I want the old me back. I want to see myself like I used to. I want to feel wanted again. And to feel desirable. Is that too much to ask?

Thanks for reading, and putting up up with my self centered, and probably foolish rant :)