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serious Daddy issues OTK domestic discipline a favorite. Willing to go fairly extreme but i like what i like. Not a brat i am a pleaser bu nature. Very sweet kind understanding but i am smart enough. Anal toys . Yes

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12/30/2017 7:04:25 AM
When you deny me, to me
from that you will not recover.

11/19/2017 7:44:17 PM
I always liked journaling on Sunday night. Is Sunday night the beginning or the end? Its neither its the pause between. If one is lucky a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities ...life had taught me undeniably that surrender in its place was a honorable as resistance especially if one had no choice. Both are maya Angelou

11/17/2017 7:30:17 PM
I am not going back and reading old journals right now because I really dont feel like re-reading what i felt.it sticks in my mind that at some point i think i said i offered you friendship. That keeps rolling around in my head. That has to be the dumbest thing i ever wrote here. That just has to be the bottom and the lowest point of my dapravity, that i would offer to you friendship. The mere concept of it is so pathetic. How pitiful of me. I am not beating myself up tho. That?s what shock can do to a person. It wears off and i come to my senses. Her husband , your husband. Husband Wife, Married. Your Married, your husband, what you don?t like that? you're married. Doesn?t that mean something to you? Means something to me. Words mean nothing, you should know your the best teacher if what you want to learn about is what nothing means.

11/15/2017 7:36:23 PM
all I really have to give is my heart. Everything good about me functions because of it.




11/15/2017 4:23:10 AM
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn?t know before you learned it. When i knew better I did better-maya I am doing much better. Truth is freedom

11/14/2017 4:42:32 PM
My sexuality has been a vicious fight Out of fantasy and into reality . I have suffered and paid for every inch of ground I made. I came here because I wanted “real“ not online. What an ever evolving definition real has become 

11/14/2017 4:38:56 PM
Fantasy such a debased word. No credibility to a word like that. It’s a dirty secret. I was right in the end we really were very similar.  

11/13/2017 11:22:16 AM
Now you got two handfuls of nothing

11/12/2017 8:16:16 PM
I hope i did not put any identifying information in the journal. If those is too much info i might not be able to write at all.

11/12/2017 8:13:58 PM
Tell the camera Can?t i just say it to you? Say it to the camera. I freeze up Why cant i just tell you? Your not getting any more attention until you tell the camera.

11/12/2017 8:05:18 PM
Deep throat Tongue out Go deeper I want him down my throat. He likes the way my body lurches when i gag. I got such a messy blow job face. Dirty wet hair, wet face wet chin Balls wet such a sloppy mess. I look up from my knees and laugh smile with my dirty face When you love your work it shows.

11/12/2017 7:57:08 PM
O yeah two other things. I dont order the food. And guess what else. When we went to leave he helped me put on my jacket. That?s a knockout. See these journals that i wrote tonight there what turn me on. This is the stuff that gets me very wet. The things i really dream about. The really fantasy,

11/12/2017 7:52:13 PM
C*nt is a bad word.

11/12/2017 7:50:42 PM
But thats not all kids. That?s not all. I dont touch doors. Not a car door, not the door to a restaurant. When i have forgotten i feel like a bull charging ahead of him. I am serious. The door to the car is opened , i get in, and then he closes the door. That?s like straight sub porn right there. Its hard to get me wetter. And you know what, he?s always been like that, I remember that from years ago. That?s not about me. That?s him.

11/12/2017 7:47:10 PM
Text me when you get home. Oooooo i like that, i like that very much. That gets me. Last night we said good bye and he didn?t say it. I stood on the other side of the screen door looking at him in the dark. But your supposed to say the thing you always say. You have to say what you say. Your supposed to say text me when you get home. I dont have to say that , that should be established, its just a common curtesy. Not to me it isent. Curtesy is not common, its an exceptional trait of a gentleman.

11/12/2017 7:39:51 PM
I keep getting messages that i have a nice ass. But according to my profile i dont have a phone up....so there?s that.

11/12/2017 4:45:50 AM
Well, the medic Is going to need to get rid of my blow job video for his girlfriend in two years .  

11/11/2017 5:46:14 AM
That 10% rule applies to me too. When I see the best in people that’s more about me them it is about them. Love covers a multitude of sins 

11/11/2017 5:10:21 AM
What people say about me has 10% to do with me it’s reall just them through the mask of me

11/11/2017 5:08:53 AM
A week behind me and inexhaustible time before me .it doesn’t feel badly at all because it’s so completely the right thing, and I rest in that , but missed yes. Distance of time will wear away the edges.  I will remember but only the base file not the person 

11/10/2017 10:14:07 AM
So i took the stuff down about the medic. A potential girlfriend from the future might read that one day and know it was him. I kid you not my friends, i surely kid you not. I am nothing nobody and no one. And i just keep refusing to swallow it.

11/9/2017 8:52:20 PM
Punch you in the stomach until you know how stupid you are 

11/9/2017 8:42:51 PM
Yeah Chris you were right. you Don’t have to be quite so hostile . You should just be happy you were right




11/9/2017 8:37:12 PM
Ugly things do indeed come in pretty packages 

11/6/2017 7:17:09 PM
You know when I realized I got dropped from FB I called the Whole prayer team in. I asked for prayers to help me because I knew something wasent right. I wrote joyce Myers and requested the prayer team to pray for me. Just so you know . 
God is faithful
i am ashamed that night I asked if I was a side chick . So cutting what does that even mean ? Is that someone you see once a year . So cutting, here I was begging for a scrap of acknowledgement from someone I wrote to every day. It breaks my heart to think I thought so little of myself I had to ask you what was my significance. The purge , there ain’t shit on FB. What does that mean someone I see once a year. It’s stunning to me. And yet. And yet . 
Sometimes I would hear, Lori it’s not you it’s him. It’s not you. I couldn’t believe that was true. 

11/6/2017 5:55:42 PM
So i will give credit where credit is due. I am very eyes WIDE open right now and i like it that way. I don?t know if it IS love but i have not made love like that in well over a decade maybe like 15 years and i was drunk and high all the time back then so seriously i have to be honest, i had a very good experience.

11/5/2017 11:41:58 PM
Ladies do not get hung up on a guy for the promise of good sex. Show me the car facts

11/5/2017 6:59:35 PM
https://youtu.be/Djh_wam9U3U


11/5/2017 10:58:29 AM
And now to enjoy some quality time with my son. That you don’t get to see or hear about because i am some fucking trash person you need to sweep under the rug so nobody knows I exist. Fuck you for that I assigned so much quality to you . Unearned my bad 

11/5/2017 10:51:27 AM
That?s funny I guy just wrote me that if you don?t trim your pubes your wife doesn?t ask why. That?s funny i enjoy hearing how guys think,

11/5/2017 10:44:32 AM
My widow said to me ? to your own self be true, God doesn?t make no junk? i burst into tears. I am not junk God doesn?t make junk. I have to be true to myself.

11/5/2017 10:43:05 AM
The Legacy breakfast was PROFOUND. I am sober and i am acting more sober in revocery every day but I am not fully working my recovery. If i had been really working my recovery these shannanigans would not got me riled up. I have never done my fourth step because honestly I don?t know what they are talking about. Now i do. I am going to work a really good thoroughl forth step and its starting with you I am not an animal Jack I don?t just need to get fucked in the ass ( although that was a good i have not thanked you for that i should journal about it) My sexuality is about more than the physical and you know this. ?We shall not regret the past nor wish to close the door on it? thats AA. You know it be easier to shut the door on you. But my gut my Holy Spirtit is not a yes vote on that. So i need to grow here, But thats going to take significant work on my part to do. All the work here has to be done by me. I am starting to realize that some things i thought about you are qualities you may or may not possess, but they are qualities i want to develop in myself. I feel like i have kind of been where you have been in a way and its not an easy place. Its a difficult place my heart does go out to you. I might actually be the healthier person and as such its not cool to give you a hard time Jack i have decided that you can be my friend. I know you have a lot of those so perhaps that does not appeal all that much to you. I didn?t want you as a friend i wanted a lover but its not about what i want. What i really want is to walk the path God sets before me selflessly. What i want is to run my race and when i am done have God say to me well done my good and faithful servent. That?s what i really want.

11/5/2017 10:31:11 AM
I don?t mind myself writing this much because i am going through a process here and I think its ok to share it with you.

11/5/2017 5:42:41 AM
My widow said I have an alcoholic brain and that’s whats wrong with me right now. She is my wisdom I believe her . I can fix this with help .

11/5/2017 5:41:42 AM
I want you to be happy is code for only one thing 
this is over , just in a nicer way . My heart dropped when you said it and I should have stopped right there 

11/5/2017 3:30:20 AM
Where I am emotionally now not the same as where I need to be. I am supposed to live in peace . i Am afraid that peace brings acceptance. And accptence brings love . And at that point in the process is where i need help
peace and acceptance and love need to work differently for me when applied to you.
my conception of those words need to grow. something is not being understood or accurately applied 
please Jesus help me go to the legacy breakfast do my school work enjoy my son . Let me let go and leave this man where he belongs. 

11/5/2017 3:19:43 AM
I know that venting all this just makes me sound like ever women who ever lost it on you. But I prefer to be on the right side of history.  The arch of history is long but it bends towards justice 

11/4/2017 5:24:50 PM
Correction it was ‘that doesn’t mean something to you it means something to me‘. That hurt like you were saying you were better than me. You were better than me because I married and it didn’t work out . That it meant more to you. Fuck you for that jack. You don’t know what shit means to me ....’Why what you going to have a tantrum fine go ahead ....’
 I had filed within the week. 


11/4/2017 4:23:51 PM
I am dating this one back, back to band of gold. Maybe even you are the dream i will always dream? I don?t care anymore what you think of me. Didn?t matter anyway. I just hope to God this is a co-worker. I mean thats sadder for you but makes the whole thing a lot less legit and more articficial but i hope to God its a co-worker.

11/4/2017 4:14:59 PM
Anyone want to take my mind of this? I am open to suggestion. I knew that i knew that i knew that I should have stepped out on this man before i saw him again. I cannot fuck you tho until i get tested. I don?t know who what people this man has hit raw. I was dumb i never thought he was fucking on the regular. I thought the fact he was not trimming his pubes meant he was NOT fucking women hahhaHA!

11/4/2017 4:08:44 PM
There is so much serendipity going on here. God is faithful

11/4/2017 4:02:54 PM
You must piss on her how could you not?

11/4/2017 4:02:29 PM
And you know you did this once before. Spring time the year you broke your clavicle I had just finished your wish list almost finished. It was the graphetti book. You posted to Instagram and you posted to FB. Within the day i was gone. Gone off everything. I remember that , it was the first cut. Its when i realized this can hurt. When you brought me back on FB I was in like a flock of invitations. I rember always thinking how odd that was. Its not odd to me (k)now I am not dumb i am naive and i am sweet like a cow

11/4/2017 3:58:16 PM
Mature secure adults. Don?t worry about who is on who?s facebook. But thats not what?s going on here. Because she knows like I know like you know that you are playing a magicians game. You removed the evidence everyone knows what?s up. And yeah so taking me off FB it means something.

11/4/2017 3:03:14 PM
I feel bad for you though my heart does go out to you. Your best case senerio is a horror show and baseline is make believe .

11/4/2017 3:02:37 PM
Up to the last time picking at me! And I am on the up and up wTF dude.

11/4/2017 2:45:08 PM
Always picking at me though 
always had an opinion about me
’That doesn’t matter to you? It matters to me’
’things would be a lot different ‘
this had to brew a long time it’s a perfect relationship but it’s not real either even with face book .
fuxking incognito bullshit . Always picked at me

11/4/2017 2:37:58 PM
Your not dating , she isent your girlfriend that’s not how it works 
Dating girlfriend that’s how you started the explanation but when I ask if you are cheating on her “how can I cheat if we are not together “  idk how come liars always answer a question with a questio?


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sheezjinny
 
 Age: 19
  Washington D.C.