I managed to murder about 5 years worth of journal entries tonight before staying my hand. Perhaps that was tragically impulsive, but then again members are fewer and farther between these days... If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it... Etc.

I lament how the site has become something of a tomb of late, left to the stewardship of the bots. I remember my first experiences here as well as some of my latest. I think of the friendships, painstakingly cherry-picked amidst the bots and the riff-raff, now distant with time, distance and individual obligation... nevertheless remaining close to me. I think how despite the frustration and the pain, I was blessed with the opportunity for love and though such blessings slid through the fingers as blood through a gaping wound in my chest, I was damned lucky to find it -if only to embrace the fleeting warmth before it flowed away, carrying my joy and my pain from my body. I miss this most of all.

Be this a tomb, make it then a tomb for my love and for my lament... but not for my hope. I just can't manage to shake that from my grasp.  

Lately I have been receiving a lot of requests for advice regarding the training of a Dominant from submissives who want their men to learn how to please them. The topic is hardly new, but I have been receiving a number of requests about this recently. Nevertheless, the answer never wavers. A Dominant man teaching another man to be Dominant on behalf of a submissive is a futile effort. 

We all can learn how to throw a flogger or tie a karada, regardless of what our drive and desire may be. These are techniques and skill sets. The problem comes from the fact that Dominance IS... It is not taught. Either the person has those intrinsic qualities that will shine naturally with his desire to learn techniques and his drive to capture her mind, body, and soul, or he does not, and there is no workshop that can instill those qualities within him.

Finally, D/s is a unique experience between those select individuals in the moment. What I do with this one might be radically different than what I did with that one. People have individual needs, limits, and insecurities. All the Dom must only concern himself with being the right person for his submissive, not earning the merit badge for Dominance. It takes time to understand how submissives tick. Then it takes time (and sometimes trial and error) to understand that having succeeded with one or two submissives in one manner does not make some Vegas act that works on all submissives.

So, aside from having the would-be Dom take notes as I spend days probing her, and then administering humiliation, orgasm torture, and whatever other things I find make her squirm, it seems those two are on their own. Some will rise to the challenge, and many will put the submissive in a position where she will have to choose between a relationship with the person, or freeing herself up for a chance at a D/s relationship with another who can/will.

All I can advise is for one to be realistic about the other's ability/drive/desire, and for the other to be concerned with what works for the couple. I didn't know quite what I was for a long time but it was always there and it came out naturally. The rest is the Dom honing his skill set, and learning, anticipating, and growing with the object of his affection.

Hello ladies...

After viewing enough profiles rife with complaints, I thought I would take it upon myself to help some of you help yourselves. By no means is this an apologist piece for the multitude of jerks who pass themselves off as Doms, and unfortunately no matter how many abrasive complaints you preface your profiles and journals with, they will continue the harassment. However, I have noticed a few people who have left themselves wide open to certain issues, if not contributed equally their own misery.

 So, before you give in to the temptation to screech and hiss at all who view your profile, consider the following:

Happily taken? Does it say so on your profile, or is that piece of info tucked away on a journal entry four entries down? Better yet… if you are neither allowed to receive, nor receptive to messages from male Dominants, does your actively seeking list STILL contain “Dominant/Switch Males”? Yes, they should read your profile completely. Yes, those who don’t do so have already revealed their lack of genuine interest. Nevertheless, you should extend the same effort to help your own cause. It won’t cure the disease, but it may eliminate a few symptoms.

How about those form letters? Don’t you just hate receiving those bland “spam-like” solicitations? You know what’s even more annoying? Reading a profile asking for thoughtful correspondence and chastising those who write form letters, then finding the personal introduction you spent 15 min writing that person deleted unread. Can you say “hypocrite”? If you want people to take time out of their day to treat you like a human being, then you should do the same and read what was written, yourself.. I read my share of mail from admirers who aren’t the person I am looking for as a submissive, but I make the effort to respond to each one, even if it is a simple one-liner. Even a bare bones “thanks but not interested in “older/taller/blue people” would suffice. Failure to do this makes you part of the problem, and all other submissives have to suffer the same form letters that are partially fueled by your dismissive rudeness. If you aren’t interested in green people, or men,  or your mail controls are set to trash out of state mail, etc. then make that clear in your profile, so that people don’t waste their time filling your bulk box.

Finally, if you are sick of all the crap you get, consider what you give. Ever notice how this place is full of idiots who can’t/won’t read, and it seems there's nobody worthwhile here who writes anything of substance to you? Have you actually read your profile? If the idiots badger you regardless of whether your words are sweet or acidic, then why come off as a shrewish harpy? All that does is make a rotten first impression on the potentially worthy readers, while the unworthy continue to ignore your words.. If you can appreciate the scarcity of “real” quality Doms out there, you may understand why those who pick and choose pass over the abrasive profiles. So, consider being assertive with what you want, but consider your delivery more carefully, despite the frustration felt over the same jokers.

We’ll never be free of the fakes and the idiots here, but if you take the time to keep your side of the street clean you can minimize your own grief and perhaps make the community better off for everybody else when the attitudes and hasty dismissals stop spawning bad behavior on the other end. Hope this helps.